Grace and Frankie (2015) s05e03 Episode Script
The Aide
1 [GRACE POTTER'S "STUCK IN THE MIDDLE" PLAYING.]
Well, I don't know Why I came here tonight Got the feelin' That somethin' ain't right I'm so scared In case I fall off my chair And I'm wondering How I'll get down the stairs And there's clowns to the left of me Jokers to the right Here I am Stuck in the middle with you Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you Ooh [FRANKIE.]
Oh.
Isn't it nice to have the house back the way it was? [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Thanks for all your help unpacking.
Be honest, Grace, you knew I wasn't going to do anything.
I figured it out when I saw all your boxes were labeled "Grace.
" Hey, the ship is pointed the wrong way.
You're pointed the wrong way.
Hi! Well, look who's here again.
Just stopped by to get a bucket of sand for Macklin's school project.
Don't you live by a park with a sand box? You don't get into Harvard with park sand.
[SNIFFS.]
Do you smell gas? - [FRANKIE.]
And here's Bud.
- Again.
Hi, Mal.
What are you doing here on a Wednesday? Wednesday is my day to pick up Macklin's sand.
Oh, 'cause I'm pretty sure Wednesday is my day to bring our moms pastries.
I'm pretty sure Wednesday is my day to ask, "What the fuck are you both doing here?" Wasn't that ship pointed the other way? - Yes.
- No.
All right, what gives? - Why are you always coming by? - I'm here for sand! And I have cinnamon buns and elephant ears.
Don't compliment yourself.
- You know what I think? - Hmm? I think you're coming by to check on us.
And I think, for once, you're right.
I say we separate them like they separated us.
Yeah, you take Sandbox.
I'll take Cinnamon Buns.
Let me show you where the sand is.
What should we do, Mom? You're still living out here all alone.
So, you decided to check up on us with the subtlety of Scooby and Shaggy? Forgive me if after your crazy squat our worries didn't go away.
I feel fine.
I went bodysurfing this morning.
Not on purpose, but it happened.
And look at me, I'm good.
So, stop being so obsessed with us.
Please, just let me get someone to help you out a few days a week.
You mean, like, hire us an assistant? More like a fun friend who stops by to monitor your blood pressure, test your motor skills.
You never did understand "fun.
" I'm sorry.
Mom, we didn't mean to be so sneaky.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll passive-aggressively torture you about that later.
[INHALES.]
What is going on at Say Grace? - Huh? - What do you mean? Every time I ask your sister, she clams up.
Is she doing anything to avoid bankruptcy or is she'll set fire to the building and call it a day? Insurance fraud has been discussed.
I don't need a nurse stopping by.
But I need to know everything is okay with you.
I have needs, too.
I need to find my bottoms from when I went bodysurfing.
- [SCOFFS.]
- I must find where Grace unpacked my weed box.
But you know what I really need? To be a grandmother again without you looking over my shoulder.
I'll tell you what.
You do this for me and I'll do that for you.
Really? You'll drop Faith off here every Thursday for Feminist Fridays? Hashtag, don't let men tell you what day it is.
Yes.
If someone checks in and I know you're okay, then I'm okay with you being with Faith.
Fine.
Deal.
Look at us, negotiating.
It's fun, right? Mm, you still don't get that word.
How am I gonna tell Grace about our caregiver? Oh, that's not gonna be fun.
Now he gets it.
Did she at least accept my advice on how to rebrand my original line? Yeah sort of.
Uh hmm She rebranded the price of them.
What the fuck does that mean? Um Uh, that she is reaching a whole new market.
Well, good.
Which one? The one for people who wanna save money? She's dumping my line, isn't she? Can I pretend to get sand now? - [DOG BARKING.]
- [BIRD TWEETING.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
What are you doing? I'm folding Peter's laundry.
He left it in the dryer with a note that said, "Please, fold my laundry.
" He really is a terrible house guest.
Why are you doing it? Isn't it obvious? I'm kissing his ass until he picks this season's show.
[PETER.]
Robert? Hurry with my underpants! And it better be Man of La Mancha.
Come, give me a hand.
Ew.
What a bunch of boner killers, am I right? I just found out Say Grace is having a fire sale.
Basically, Brianna's just giving it all away.
- What is it with that kid? - [GASPS.]
Who raised her? Mostly, a gal named Hildy.
So, what are you gonna do? I'm gonna set her straight.
Which is what I hope you did with Bud.
- Uh-huh.
- Okay.
Do you smell gas? [DOOR SLAMS SHUT.]
She was picked up for shoplifting.
Joan-Margaret? Apparently, she jacked a rotisserie chicken from Good Stuff.
That's crazy.
They're so much better at Gelson's.
Poor Joan-Margaret.
Do you think she actually did it? I don't know.
She is full of surprises.
Either way, she needs representation.
And you're going to do it, of course? Of course.
I'd do anything for her.
- And? - And what? And this gets you back in the game.
So, maybe you're just a little glad she stole that chicken, aren't you? Stop assuming my client stole the chicken.
And maybe a little glad.
[PETER.]
I'm naked! Lock down your friggin' play and get him out of here.
Okay.
[PANTING.]
Something bad will happen in about two minutes.
You're selling off my entire line? You're a minute-fifty off.
Brianna, by off-loading the old line, you're cheapening the entire brand.
Mom, I have to move the line so that I can recoup whatever I can.
And, if you'll excuse me, I have an unpaid intern to yell at.
- I'm not going anywhere.
- Oh, God, she's squatting again.
You know what I don't understand? You accept help from your sister who has no idea what she's doing That's awesome.
But you won't accept it from the person who can actually help you.
But I don't need your help.
Oh, fine.
Okay, what's your plan? Is this about Walden Villas? Because we never appropriately processed that.
Let's have a girls' weekend.
Just you, and Frankie, and Mallory, and I'll stay here.
You know, as I see it, you have three options.
You can declare bankruptcy which is not an option.
- You can sell to Lauren - Which is also not an option.
Option number three, you can let me help you.
Help, like, you working here again? Help, like me saving the company.
Something bad is going to happen to you in about two minutes.
[GROANS.]
Our first interview is in five minutes.
Where's Grace? Yeah [SIGHS, CLICKS TONGUE.]
I didn't tell her.
Why? Because when I do, her head will explode.
And when it does, [INHALES.]
I'd prefer to have the caregiver already there.
I see your point.
You got a nursing degree from Northwestern University, eight years managing a retirement home.
Anything else we should know? I'm a people person.
Grace hates people.
And obviously I try to be as un-intrusive as possible.
I'm afraid I'll clash with his aura again.
Again? Yes.
Like we did in the 17th century.
But it's good to see you.
Next time, let's not make it so long.
I can start as soon as you want.
Mom, any questions? Only one.
Two trains leave the same station at the same time.
Both are going to Hogwarts, but only one of them is magic.
Which train arrives first? - Who's next? - No one! You've vetoed every single candidate.
Bud, it's hard.
This person is gonna be in our home.
Grace is just getting used to me being there.
It's a delicate dance.
Look, Mom, if you're not gonna take this seriously, I will find a person for you.
Maybe the problem is we're hung up on the word "person.
" No.
A super has to be a person.
[ANDREA TRUE'S "MORE, MORE, MORE" PLAYING.]
Excuse me.
Pardon me, Norman.
Thanks for the laundry, Robert.
Although, I found a ClingFree in my sleeve.
Sorry.
So, have you given any more thought to this season's musical? Yes, I've narrowed it down, but let's talk about it.
I mean, I know what I think, but I'd like to hear what I think again.
My first choice opened at The Biltmore in 1968 - Hair.
- Very good.
Choice number two, Andrew Lloyd Webber's gayest Cats.
Let me finish a damn sentence.
Can you finish your next one with Man of La Mancha? Well, now I don't want to.
Actually, I never did.
Peter, what is your problem with the best musical ever written? It's about an old guy who talks to himself.
I have one of those at the gym.
Don Quixote de La Mancha is one of the greatest characters in theater history.
And now I'm finally old enough and delusional enough to play him.
Robert, your voice is drilling holes in my ears.
I need a completely quiet space to mull.
Cats is calling to me.
Okay, let me just leave you with this: Cervantes once said, and I quote, "Those who'll play with cats must expect to be scratched.
" Robert, let me leave you with this: Peter once said, "Those who quote Cervantes in order to get their way must also expect to be scratched.
" Smoke away, Grizabella.
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Joan-Margaret, I am at your service.
Tell me everything.
Don't take this the wrong way, Sol, but I need someone with a killer instinct for my team.
Are you sure Robert's not available? Just because he was the bad cop to my good cop doesn't mean that I can't also be bad.
Well, you better be good at it.
Okay, let's get to your case.
How did you find yourself in this situation? Was it the gambling? No, it wasn't the gambling.
It was the losing.
So, you did steal the rotisserie chicken? No, of course not.
I'm not a thief, Sol.
In 40 years, did I ever steal from you? Well, apart from office supplies, which everyone does.
Everyone steals office supplies? That's why I give people legal pads at Christmas.
I still think it was very thoughtful.
[NORMAN BARKING.]
That dog is driving me nuts.
He eats my shoes.
He won't stop barking.
Shut it! [BARKS IN A LOW VOICE.]
Oh.
That's how you do it? Worked on my husband.
Okay, so what exactly happened that day at the market? Well, the same thing that happened when I got on the wrong bus over here.
I had a senior moment.
And just like I got on the right bus once I realized, I was going to pay the store once I remembered.
- You were? - Yes.
Haven't you ever had a senior moment? All the time.
[INHALES.]
This morning I couldn't remember the word for "sock.
" All I could say was, "The thing that goes between your foot and your shoe.
" [BOTH LAUGH.]
And nobody should be punished for getting older.
Thank you, Sol.
[CHUCKLES.]
What are you doing? Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm sorry.
Habit.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Hi, Grace.
I'm Toby.
You remember to take your Benazepril today? - Who are you? - [SPEAKS LOUDER.]
I'm Toby! Did you remember to take your Benazepril today? Uh Frankie! Frankie? - [STAMMERS.]
Who the hell is this? - Ah.
This is my pal, Toby.
We met at Del Taco.
Totally hit it off.
[CHUCKLES.]
No, dear.
I'm your at-home health aide.
- [LAUGHS.]
- [TOBY CHUCKLES.]
- Classic Toby.
I love that bit.
- [TOBY CHUCKLES.]
Frankie.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
May I speak with you alone? Just give her 90 seconds.
You want to die today, Toby? [STAMMERS.]
Why is there a human pill dispenser in my kitchen? Because Bud made me go human.
Frankie, what the hell is going on? Well, the good news is I'm a functioning grandmother again.
I just had to agree to having a teeny-weeny-eensy somebody in our house looking after us.
Are you out of your mind?! You get to babysit and I have to be babysat? It's just Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays.
Three times a week? Wanna give him Fridays off? I'm good with that.
I don't want a stranger in my house.
I don't either.
But if we agree to this, Bud will let me have my Thursdays with Faith.
I'm sorry.
I know how much this means to you, but I can't have somebody that makes me feel old and enfeebled.
every minute of every day, three times a week.
What would you rather? Our kids coming by all the time with elephant ears and buckets of sand or a caregiver who we don't need to be nice to? - You love not being nice to people.
- [SCOFFS.]
I don't love it.
I'm just really good at it.
Give me one more chance to find someone you won't hate.
Hey, let's sunscreen up, people! You're fired.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
You're giving me dairy before bed? I'm sorry.
Will it give you "Impossible Dreams"? Is there a song from Man of La Mancha called, "Get the Hell Out of My Room"? Bu Bu [CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
Ready to crack this case, Norman? I'm sorry.
I didn't realize you were busy.
[SIGHS.]
Wow.
You're like wall-to-wall dog.
[SIGHS.]
She clearly walks past the cashiers without paying.
Hold it.
Did you see that? Even you steal office supplies? Yuck.
[SCOFFS.]
Frankie! God.
[CHUCKLES.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
Well, Brianna! [SIGHS.]
What brings you here? Something you want to tell me? Anything you want to ask? I love when you make it so easy for me, Mommy.
That's all I'm trying to do.
Okay.
[MUMBLES.]
I choose option three.
Pardon? I choose option three.
And which one was option three? It is not option one or two.
The only way I can see myself doing this is if I lay down some ground rules.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
Such as? Here.
- Yeah.
- You're gonna need this.
I always need this.
Okay.
My office is mine.
My assistant is mine.
If you want to criticize me, do it privately.
You want to criticize me privately, do it slow enough so that I can think of comebacks.
You cannot wear red.
It's my power color.
- Are you done? - No, not even close.
Actually, not true, I'm pretty close.
You would be a consultant, serving at the pleasure of the CEO.
That's me.
I won't call you "Mom.
" I'll call you "Grace.
" [SCOFFS.]
Been begging you to do that since you were four.
Last but not least, I get final say.
You're my daughter.
We don't need all these rules.
[CHUCKLES.]
Need I remind you of my lemonade stand when I was a kid? 'Cause I set up the entire thing, made the shitty signs, I squeezed the lemons, yelled at the cars.
I was having a really good time until you came in and took over because of my poor profit margin.
You moved me to a different corner, you watered down my lemonade, and then you re-branded it as "Citrus Breeze" to bring in an older demo.
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
[SIGHS.]
That must have really hurt your feelings.
[SIGHS.]
Yes, it did.
But, as I recall, you had a lot of dollar bills to wipe away those tears because my way worked.
But it made me feel terrible.
Did you feel terrible when you bought that denim jacket that you wanted so badly? Never felt right wearing that because you didn't respect me.
I thought it was 'cause it pulled under the arms.
It was that, too.
But you get my point.
I do.
I do.
You're right.
We're gonna do it your way.
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
So, I'll see you tomorrow at 9:00.
We start at 10:00.
Your business is going under and you start at 10:00? Yeah, we work late.
Except for tomorrow 'cause I have a dentist appointment.
[SCOFFS.]
[CELL PHONE CHIMES.]
Ignore.
[BUD.]
Mom? Shit.
Hola, you have reached the voicemail of Frances Bergstein.
Mom, you fired Toby? Boop.
- Mom! - Okay, fine.
I fired Toby.
But he failed his drug test.
He wouldn't smoke with me.
Mom, we had a deal.
I know, but Grace said "no" and she was right.
All he wanted to do was check my blood pressure and hand out pills.
That's what he's supposed to do.
Oh, then he's excellent.
But he made us feel like we were a million years old.
I will find you someone else.
No, I will find me somebody else.
I need to find the right person for me, and only I know who that is.
Do you understand that? - I think I do.
- You do? Yeah.
It's like when I inherited Joan-Margaret from Dad.
Exactly.
She was right for him, but you had to find your own person.
Now, if we can just do away with that "person" thing Boop.
[CHUCKLES.]
There she is.
Oh, my, I look a fright.
As you can see, my client has turned around and is going back into the store because she just remembered that she forgot to pay.
With all due respect, we can't possibly know her intent.
You're right.
I'm sure she returned to the crime scene to buy sriracha for your very dry chicken.
They can be dry.
Mr.
Bergstein, why your client turned around is purely speculative.
I guess we'll never know, because no sooner had my client walked back in then security shamelessly shackled her before she had a chance to do anything.
She stole a chicken! And they're not dry.
She didn't steal anything.
She had what we seniors often refer to as a "senior moment.
" Look, you're going to get old one day.
All of you if you're lucky.
And you're gonna put the cream cheese in the silverware drawer.
You're going to forget why you walked into a room.
And you might even walk out of a store and forget to pay.
So, when you start having senior moments, do you want to be shaken down for a chicken? Shame on you for bringing indignity on a woman who never stole anything in her life.
Except office supplies.
And everyone does that.
I will never take a yoga class with Barry again.
He could scream less.
So, that's why we've decided to end the fire sale.
Oh, Brianna! Right on time.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's only 10:00 a.
m.
What the hell, Mom? Oh no, you mean, "What the hell, Grace?" It is one of your ground rules.
Don't go in here! I have gone in.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION.]
Turn around.
Go.
Walk, walk, walk.
Dude, why didn't you give me a heads-up? Don't know which one of you will win, so I'm playing both sides.
Okay, just stay behind me.
Don't touch me.
Flank me on the left.
We are taking back this meeting.
Let's do this.
- [GRACE.]
Thank you so much - So.
this has been really productive.
And Margie, you are hysterical.
I adore you.
So good to get an early start.
Who is Margie? [DOOR CLOSES.]
Hey, hey, hey.
What happened? You'll be relieved to know Joan-Margaret won't be eating her chicken behind bars.
Fantastic.
Congratulations.
- Eh.
- What? You won your case.
Eh Joan-Margaret and I went out to celebrate.
The waiter messed up and we got a free dessert.
And then Joan-Margaret told them it was my birthday - and we got another free dessert.
- [CHUCKLES.]
So you've got an upset stomach? Eh I don't know.
Do you feel like you just don't have it anymore? - No, I was really good in there today.
- Mm-hmm.
It just didn't feel the same.
It didn't feel like me anymore.
Remember when I couldn't imagine myself retiring? Now, I can't remember why I loved it in the first place.
You'll find you something else to love.
I know you will.
- Hey, you still love wine, right? - Well, yeah.
Let's open a bottle and cuddle up and watch an old movie tonight? - I do love our depressed nights.
- [LAUGHS.]
Robert, I'm done mulling.
I thought you were done being here.
Uh we're kind of in the middle of something.
Oh, okay, I'll go tell someone else the New Lear Theater Company is doing Man of La Mancha.
No! - Yes! [CHUCKLES.]
- Yes! [ROBERT.]
What made you decide? Well, I was just thinking you ruined my marriage and you've been an inconsiderate host, but you did let me stay here, - so I owed you something.
- [SCOFFS.]
So, come on, let's go out and celebrate me on you.
Well, I'd love to, but actually we're staying in to celebrate Sol's depression.
[CHUCKLES.]
Isn't that every night here? You go out and have a good time, Don Quixote.
I'd be no fun anyway.
I can't leave you here alone.
[NORMAN WHIMPERS.]
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
I am not alone.
"Move this again and I will delete all of your Ray Donovans.
" [CHUCKLES.]
You wouldn't dare.
Oh, oh.
Try me.
Step away from the remote.
Step away from the ship.
What are the odds you picked up the right remote? Do you feel lucky? [SIGHS.]
No more standoffs.
I've had enough of that at Say Grace.
[INHALES.]
Oh, by the way, how did Bud take it when you told him how things will be? He took it very well.
- Oh, good.
- Because I actually hired someone.
- Okay, now I'm not taking it well.
- You will.
Just wait.
Here she comes.
Where? She's coming.
[INHALES.]
She'll be here in a minute.
- Joan-Margaret? - Hello, Grace.
[CHUCKLES.]
You continue to look just marvelous.
Thank you.
Here you are, my love.
Oh, for fuck's sake, I've forgotten a spoon.
[GROANS SOFTLY.]
Well, back in a jiff.
She's perfect for us.
[SOFTLY.]
She's not a stranger.
And she won't make us feel old or slow.
And she's actually older than we are.
Isn't that beautiful? That is beautiful.
Uh.
Well, she's not that slow.
You got your soup.
It's ice cream.
Uh-hmm.
Let's tighten is up now Do the tighten it up Everybody can do it now So get to it We're gonna tighten up Let's do the tighten up You can do it now So, baby, get to it Look to your left now Look to your right Everybody can do it But don't you get too tight Come on and tighten up Let's tighten it up now Let's tighten it up now Tighten it up Oh, do the tighten up Come on and tighten it up Tighten it up now Come on now, Billy Tighten it up - [MAN LAUGHING.]
- [MAN 2.]
Oh, yeah.
- [MAN.]
Sock it to him.
- [MAN 2.]
Sock it to me now.
- Tighten it up.
- [WHISTLING.]
[WOMAN.]
Okay, good night.
Well, I don't know Why I came here tonight Got the feelin' That somethin' ain't right I'm so scared In case I fall off my chair And I'm wondering How I'll get down the stairs And there's clowns to the left of me Jokers to the right Here I am Stuck in the middle with you Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you Ooh [FRANKIE.]
Oh.
Isn't it nice to have the house back the way it was? [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Thanks for all your help unpacking.
Be honest, Grace, you knew I wasn't going to do anything.
I figured it out when I saw all your boxes were labeled "Grace.
" Hey, the ship is pointed the wrong way.
You're pointed the wrong way.
Hi! Well, look who's here again.
Just stopped by to get a bucket of sand for Macklin's school project.
Don't you live by a park with a sand box? You don't get into Harvard with park sand.
[SNIFFS.]
Do you smell gas? - [FRANKIE.]
And here's Bud.
- Again.
Hi, Mal.
What are you doing here on a Wednesday? Wednesday is my day to pick up Macklin's sand.
Oh, 'cause I'm pretty sure Wednesday is my day to bring our moms pastries.
I'm pretty sure Wednesday is my day to ask, "What the fuck are you both doing here?" Wasn't that ship pointed the other way? - Yes.
- No.
All right, what gives? - Why are you always coming by? - I'm here for sand! And I have cinnamon buns and elephant ears.
Don't compliment yourself.
- You know what I think? - Hmm? I think you're coming by to check on us.
And I think, for once, you're right.
I say we separate them like they separated us.
Yeah, you take Sandbox.
I'll take Cinnamon Buns.
Let me show you where the sand is.
What should we do, Mom? You're still living out here all alone.
So, you decided to check up on us with the subtlety of Scooby and Shaggy? Forgive me if after your crazy squat our worries didn't go away.
I feel fine.
I went bodysurfing this morning.
Not on purpose, but it happened.
And look at me, I'm good.
So, stop being so obsessed with us.
Please, just let me get someone to help you out a few days a week.
You mean, like, hire us an assistant? More like a fun friend who stops by to monitor your blood pressure, test your motor skills.
You never did understand "fun.
" I'm sorry.
Mom, we didn't mean to be so sneaky.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll passive-aggressively torture you about that later.
[INHALES.]
What is going on at Say Grace? - Huh? - What do you mean? Every time I ask your sister, she clams up.
Is she doing anything to avoid bankruptcy or is she'll set fire to the building and call it a day? Insurance fraud has been discussed.
I don't need a nurse stopping by.
But I need to know everything is okay with you.
I have needs, too.
I need to find my bottoms from when I went bodysurfing.
- [SCOFFS.]
- I must find where Grace unpacked my weed box.
But you know what I really need? To be a grandmother again without you looking over my shoulder.
I'll tell you what.
You do this for me and I'll do that for you.
Really? You'll drop Faith off here every Thursday for Feminist Fridays? Hashtag, don't let men tell you what day it is.
Yes.
If someone checks in and I know you're okay, then I'm okay with you being with Faith.
Fine.
Deal.
Look at us, negotiating.
It's fun, right? Mm, you still don't get that word.
How am I gonna tell Grace about our caregiver? Oh, that's not gonna be fun.
Now he gets it.
Did she at least accept my advice on how to rebrand my original line? Yeah sort of.
Uh hmm She rebranded the price of them.
What the fuck does that mean? Um Uh, that she is reaching a whole new market.
Well, good.
Which one? The one for people who wanna save money? She's dumping my line, isn't she? Can I pretend to get sand now? - [DOG BARKING.]
- [BIRD TWEETING.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
What are you doing? I'm folding Peter's laundry.
He left it in the dryer with a note that said, "Please, fold my laundry.
" He really is a terrible house guest.
Why are you doing it? Isn't it obvious? I'm kissing his ass until he picks this season's show.
[PETER.]
Robert? Hurry with my underpants! And it better be Man of La Mancha.
Come, give me a hand.
Ew.
What a bunch of boner killers, am I right? I just found out Say Grace is having a fire sale.
Basically, Brianna's just giving it all away.
- What is it with that kid? - [GASPS.]
Who raised her? Mostly, a gal named Hildy.
So, what are you gonna do? I'm gonna set her straight.
Which is what I hope you did with Bud.
- Uh-huh.
- Okay.
Do you smell gas? [DOOR SLAMS SHUT.]
She was picked up for shoplifting.
Joan-Margaret? Apparently, she jacked a rotisserie chicken from Good Stuff.
That's crazy.
They're so much better at Gelson's.
Poor Joan-Margaret.
Do you think she actually did it? I don't know.
She is full of surprises.
Either way, she needs representation.
And you're going to do it, of course? Of course.
I'd do anything for her.
- And? - And what? And this gets you back in the game.
So, maybe you're just a little glad she stole that chicken, aren't you? Stop assuming my client stole the chicken.
And maybe a little glad.
[PETER.]
I'm naked! Lock down your friggin' play and get him out of here.
Okay.
[PANTING.]
Something bad will happen in about two minutes.
You're selling off my entire line? You're a minute-fifty off.
Brianna, by off-loading the old line, you're cheapening the entire brand.
Mom, I have to move the line so that I can recoup whatever I can.
And, if you'll excuse me, I have an unpaid intern to yell at.
- I'm not going anywhere.
- Oh, God, she's squatting again.
You know what I don't understand? You accept help from your sister who has no idea what she's doing That's awesome.
But you won't accept it from the person who can actually help you.
But I don't need your help.
Oh, fine.
Okay, what's your plan? Is this about Walden Villas? Because we never appropriately processed that.
Let's have a girls' weekend.
Just you, and Frankie, and Mallory, and I'll stay here.
You know, as I see it, you have three options.
You can declare bankruptcy which is not an option.
- You can sell to Lauren - Which is also not an option.
Option number three, you can let me help you.
Help, like, you working here again? Help, like me saving the company.
Something bad is going to happen to you in about two minutes.
[GROANS.]
Our first interview is in five minutes.
Where's Grace? Yeah [SIGHS, CLICKS TONGUE.]
I didn't tell her.
Why? Because when I do, her head will explode.
And when it does, [INHALES.]
I'd prefer to have the caregiver already there.
I see your point.
You got a nursing degree from Northwestern University, eight years managing a retirement home.
Anything else we should know? I'm a people person.
Grace hates people.
And obviously I try to be as un-intrusive as possible.
I'm afraid I'll clash with his aura again.
Again? Yes.
Like we did in the 17th century.
But it's good to see you.
Next time, let's not make it so long.
I can start as soon as you want.
Mom, any questions? Only one.
Two trains leave the same station at the same time.
Both are going to Hogwarts, but only one of them is magic.
Which train arrives first? - Who's next? - No one! You've vetoed every single candidate.
Bud, it's hard.
This person is gonna be in our home.
Grace is just getting used to me being there.
It's a delicate dance.
Look, Mom, if you're not gonna take this seriously, I will find a person for you.
Maybe the problem is we're hung up on the word "person.
" No.
A super has to be a person.
[ANDREA TRUE'S "MORE, MORE, MORE" PLAYING.]
Excuse me.
Pardon me, Norman.
Thanks for the laundry, Robert.
Although, I found a ClingFree in my sleeve.
Sorry.
So, have you given any more thought to this season's musical? Yes, I've narrowed it down, but let's talk about it.
I mean, I know what I think, but I'd like to hear what I think again.
My first choice opened at The Biltmore in 1968 - Hair.
- Very good.
Choice number two, Andrew Lloyd Webber's gayest Cats.
Let me finish a damn sentence.
Can you finish your next one with Man of La Mancha? Well, now I don't want to.
Actually, I never did.
Peter, what is your problem with the best musical ever written? It's about an old guy who talks to himself.
I have one of those at the gym.
Don Quixote de La Mancha is one of the greatest characters in theater history.
And now I'm finally old enough and delusional enough to play him.
Robert, your voice is drilling holes in my ears.
I need a completely quiet space to mull.
Cats is calling to me.
Okay, let me just leave you with this: Cervantes once said, and I quote, "Those who'll play with cats must expect to be scratched.
" Robert, let me leave you with this: Peter once said, "Those who quote Cervantes in order to get their way must also expect to be scratched.
" Smoke away, Grizabella.
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Joan-Margaret, I am at your service.
Tell me everything.
Don't take this the wrong way, Sol, but I need someone with a killer instinct for my team.
Are you sure Robert's not available? Just because he was the bad cop to my good cop doesn't mean that I can't also be bad.
Well, you better be good at it.
Okay, let's get to your case.
How did you find yourself in this situation? Was it the gambling? No, it wasn't the gambling.
It was the losing.
So, you did steal the rotisserie chicken? No, of course not.
I'm not a thief, Sol.
In 40 years, did I ever steal from you? Well, apart from office supplies, which everyone does.
Everyone steals office supplies? That's why I give people legal pads at Christmas.
I still think it was very thoughtful.
[NORMAN BARKING.]
That dog is driving me nuts.
He eats my shoes.
He won't stop barking.
Shut it! [BARKS IN A LOW VOICE.]
Oh.
That's how you do it? Worked on my husband.
Okay, so what exactly happened that day at the market? Well, the same thing that happened when I got on the wrong bus over here.
I had a senior moment.
And just like I got on the right bus once I realized, I was going to pay the store once I remembered.
- You were? - Yes.
Haven't you ever had a senior moment? All the time.
[INHALES.]
This morning I couldn't remember the word for "sock.
" All I could say was, "The thing that goes between your foot and your shoe.
" [BOTH LAUGH.]
And nobody should be punished for getting older.
Thank you, Sol.
[CHUCKLES.]
What are you doing? Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm sorry.
Habit.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Hi, Grace.
I'm Toby.
You remember to take your Benazepril today? - Who are you? - [SPEAKS LOUDER.]
I'm Toby! Did you remember to take your Benazepril today? Uh Frankie! Frankie? - [STAMMERS.]
Who the hell is this? - Ah.
This is my pal, Toby.
We met at Del Taco.
Totally hit it off.
[CHUCKLES.]
No, dear.
I'm your at-home health aide.
- [LAUGHS.]
- [TOBY CHUCKLES.]
- Classic Toby.
I love that bit.
- [TOBY CHUCKLES.]
Frankie.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
May I speak with you alone? Just give her 90 seconds.
You want to die today, Toby? [STAMMERS.]
Why is there a human pill dispenser in my kitchen? Because Bud made me go human.
Frankie, what the hell is going on? Well, the good news is I'm a functioning grandmother again.
I just had to agree to having a teeny-weeny-eensy somebody in our house looking after us.
Are you out of your mind?! You get to babysit and I have to be babysat? It's just Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays.
Three times a week? Wanna give him Fridays off? I'm good with that.
I don't want a stranger in my house.
I don't either.
But if we agree to this, Bud will let me have my Thursdays with Faith.
I'm sorry.
I know how much this means to you, but I can't have somebody that makes me feel old and enfeebled.
every minute of every day, three times a week.
What would you rather? Our kids coming by all the time with elephant ears and buckets of sand or a caregiver who we don't need to be nice to? - You love not being nice to people.
- [SCOFFS.]
I don't love it.
I'm just really good at it.
Give me one more chance to find someone you won't hate.
Hey, let's sunscreen up, people! You're fired.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
You're giving me dairy before bed? I'm sorry.
Will it give you "Impossible Dreams"? Is there a song from Man of La Mancha called, "Get the Hell Out of My Room"? Bu Bu [CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
Ready to crack this case, Norman? I'm sorry.
I didn't realize you were busy.
[SIGHS.]
Wow.
You're like wall-to-wall dog.
[SIGHS.]
She clearly walks past the cashiers without paying.
Hold it.
Did you see that? Even you steal office supplies? Yuck.
[SCOFFS.]
Frankie! God.
[CHUCKLES.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
Well, Brianna! [SIGHS.]
What brings you here? Something you want to tell me? Anything you want to ask? I love when you make it so easy for me, Mommy.
That's all I'm trying to do.
Okay.
[MUMBLES.]
I choose option three.
Pardon? I choose option three.
And which one was option three? It is not option one or two.
The only way I can see myself doing this is if I lay down some ground rules.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
Such as? Here.
- Yeah.
- You're gonna need this.
I always need this.
Okay.
My office is mine.
My assistant is mine.
If you want to criticize me, do it privately.
You want to criticize me privately, do it slow enough so that I can think of comebacks.
You cannot wear red.
It's my power color.
- Are you done? - No, not even close.
Actually, not true, I'm pretty close.
You would be a consultant, serving at the pleasure of the CEO.
That's me.
I won't call you "Mom.
" I'll call you "Grace.
" [SCOFFS.]
Been begging you to do that since you were four.
Last but not least, I get final say.
You're my daughter.
We don't need all these rules.
[CHUCKLES.]
Need I remind you of my lemonade stand when I was a kid? 'Cause I set up the entire thing, made the shitty signs, I squeezed the lemons, yelled at the cars.
I was having a really good time until you came in and took over because of my poor profit margin.
You moved me to a different corner, you watered down my lemonade, and then you re-branded it as "Citrus Breeze" to bring in an older demo.
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
[SIGHS.]
That must have really hurt your feelings.
[SIGHS.]
Yes, it did.
But, as I recall, you had a lot of dollar bills to wipe away those tears because my way worked.
But it made me feel terrible.
Did you feel terrible when you bought that denim jacket that you wanted so badly? Never felt right wearing that because you didn't respect me.
I thought it was 'cause it pulled under the arms.
It was that, too.
But you get my point.
I do.
I do.
You're right.
We're gonna do it your way.
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
So, I'll see you tomorrow at 9:00.
We start at 10:00.
Your business is going under and you start at 10:00? Yeah, we work late.
Except for tomorrow 'cause I have a dentist appointment.
[SCOFFS.]
[CELL PHONE CHIMES.]
Ignore.
[BUD.]
Mom? Shit.
Hola, you have reached the voicemail of Frances Bergstein.
Mom, you fired Toby? Boop.
- Mom! - Okay, fine.
I fired Toby.
But he failed his drug test.
He wouldn't smoke with me.
Mom, we had a deal.
I know, but Grace said "no" and she was right.
All he wanted to do was check my blood pressure and hand out pills.
That's what he's supposed to do.
Oh, then he's excellent.
But he made us feel like we were a million years old.
I will find you someone else.
No, I will find me somebody else.
I need to find the right person for me, and only I know who that is.
Do you understand that? - I think I do.
- You do? Yeah.
It's like when I inherited Joan-Margaret from Dad.
Exactly.
She was right for him, but you had to find your own person.
Now, if we can just do away with that "person" thing Boop.
[CHUCKLES.]
There she is.
Oh, my, I look a fright.
As you can see, my client has turned around and is going back into the store because she just remembered that she forgot to pay.
With all due respect, we can't possibly know her intent.
You're right.
I'm sure she returned to the crime scene to buy sriracha for your very dry chicken.
They can be dry.
Mr.
Bergstein, why your client turned around is purely speculative.
I guess we'll never know, because no sooner had my client walked back in then security shamelessly shackled her before she had a chance to do anything.
She stole a chicken! And they're not dry.
She didn't steal anything.
She had what we seniors often refer to as a "senior moment.
" Look, you're going to get old one day.
All of you if you're lucky.
And you're gonna put the cream cheese in the silverware drawer.
You're going to forget why you walked into a room.
And you might even walk out of a store and forget to pay.
So, when you start having senior moments, do you want to be shaken down for a chicken? Shame on you for bringing indignity on a woman who never stole anything in her life.
Except office supplies.
And everyone does that.
I will never take a yoga class with Barry again.
He could scream less.
So, that's why we've decided to end the fire sale.
Oh, Brianna! Right on time.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's only 10:00 a.
m.
What the hell, Mom? Oh no, you mean, "What the hell, Grace?" It is one of your ground rules.
Don't go in here! I have gone in.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION.]
Turn around.
Go.
Walk, walk, walk.
Dude, why didn't you give me a heads-up? Don't know which one of you will win, so I'm playing both sides.
Okay, just stay behind me.
Don't touch me.
Flank me on the left.
We are taking back this meeting.
Let's do this.
- [GRACE.]
Thank you so much - So.
this has been really productive.
And Margie, you are hysterical.
I adore you.
So good to get an early start.
Who is Margie? [DOOR CLOSES.]
Hey, hey, hey.
What happened? You'll be relieved to know Joan-Margaret won't be eating her chicken behind bars.
Fantastic.
Congratulations.
- Eh.
- What? You won your case.
Eh Joan-Margaret and I went out to celebrate.
The waiter messed up and we got a free dessert.
And then Joan-Margaret told them it was my birthday - and we got another free dessert.
- [CHUCKLES.]
So you've got an upset stomach? Eh I don't know.
Do you feel like you just don't have it anymore? - No, I was really good in there today.
- Mm-hmm.
It just didn't feel the same.
It didn't feel like me anymore.
Remember when I couldn't imagine myself retiring? Now, I can't remember why I loved it in the first place.
You'll find you something else to love.
I know you will.
- Hey, you still love wine, right? - Well, yeah.
Let's open a bottle and cuddle up and watch an old movie tonight? - I do love our depressed nights.
- [LAUGHS.]
Robert, I'm done mulling.
I thought you were done being here.
Uh we're kind of in the middle of something.
Oh, okay, I'll go tell someone else the New Lear Theater Company is doing Man of La Mancha.
No! - Yes! [CHUCKLES.]
- Yes! [ROBERT.]
What made you decide? Well, I was just thinking you ruined my marriage and you've been an inconsiderate host, but you did let me stay here, - so I owed you something.
- [SCOFFS.]
So, come on, let's go out and celebrate me on you.
Well, I'd love to, but actually we're staying in to celebrate Sol's depression.
[CHUCKLES.]
Isn't that every night here? You go out and have a good time, Don Quixote.
I'd be no fun anyway.
I can't leave you here alone.
[NORMAN WHIMPERS.]
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
I am not alone.
"Move this again and I will delete all of your Ray Donovans.
" [CHUCKLES.]
You wouldn't dare.
Oh, oh.
Try me.
Step away from the remote.
Step away from the ship.
What are the odds you picked up the right remote? Do you feel lucky? [SIGHS.]
No more standoffs.
I've had enough of that at Say Grace.
[INHALES.]
Oh, by the way, how did Bud take it when you told him how things will be? He took it very well.
- Oh, good.
- Because I actually hired someone.
- Okay, now I'm not taking it well.
- You will.
Just wait.
Here she comes.
Where? She's coming.
[INHALES.]
She'll be here in a minute.
- Joan-Margaret? - Hello, Grace.
[CHUCKLES.]
You continue to look just marvelous.
Thank you.
Here you are, my love.
Oh, for fuck's sake, I've forgotten a spoon.
[GROANS SOFTLY.]
Well, back in a jiff.
She's perfect for us.
[SOFTLY.]
She's not a stranger.
And she won't make us feel old or slow.
And she's actually older than we are.
Isn't that beautiful? That is beautiful.
Uh.
Well, she's not that slow.
You got your soup.
It's ice cream.
Uh-hmm.
Let's tighten is up now Do the tighten it up Everybody can do it now So get to it We're gonna tighten up Let's do the tighten up You can do it now So, baby, get to it Look to your left now Look to your right Everybody can do it But don't you get too tight Come on and tighten up Let's tighten it up now Let's tighten it up now Tighten it up Oh, do the tighten up Come on and tighten it up Tighten it up now Come on now, Billy Tighten it up - [MAN LAUGHING.]
- [MAN 2.]
Oh, yeah.
- [MAN.]
Sock it to him.
- [MAN 2.]
Sock it to me now.
- Tighten it up.
- [WHISTLING.]
[WOMAN.]
Okay, good night.