Graves (2016) s02e01 Episode Script

1 [WOMAN.]
PREVIOUSLY ON GRAVES: I'm not dead yet.
What a prick.
This is your new assistant, Isaiah Miller.
Hi.
There is a line, sir, that you cannot expect me to cross.
- [SHOUTS.]
- What is this? - Peyote.
- Oh, my God! Until the day I die, I will be your president! Vote Thomas Nash for Senate.
I'm gonna announce my Senate candidacy at RPAC.
- [ECSTATIC MOANING.]
- You are what I want.
I'm pregnant.
- Hey, bro.
- [GUNSHOT.]
I'm gonna come over there and beat the [BLEEP.]
truth into you.
Your own half-hour show.
Unh! Thanks for coming.
That's the furthest I've come for a second date, so - I could never be with someone like you.
- Fuck you! Martin Treadwell, the would-be assassin of former President Richard Graves, has been granted a weekend furlough.
My very own cowboy, Richard Graves.
[CHEERING.]
[GUNSHOT.]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
["TO LOVE SOMEBODY" BY BEE GEES PLAYING.]
Jesus, kid.
[MAN ON TV.]
If you're just joining us, we're waiting on news of Isaiah Miller, the brave young man who underwent a four-hour surgery after taking a bullet for former president Richard Graves last night at the RPAC convention.
This is my fucking fault.
Don't say that.
[MAN ON TV CONTINUES TALKING.]
Don't you be such a fuckin' [CONTINUES SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
I'm out of here, Maggie.
Richard.
God, look at you.
My boy.
Oh, God.
You should see it out there.
So many people, news people, right, all talking about you, Mr.
Bigshot, huh? My baby boy.
Oh, my God.
Oh, and not for nothing.
Get this.
They sent the President's plane for me.
Honey, there was leather seats, uh, free sandwiches.
I had, I can taste it now, the most beautiful pastrami on rye.
You would've died.
It was cut thin, sliced thin.
No fat.
You know what I'm saying? With a little bit of mustard, not too much, 'cause, you know [BELCHES.]
how I get the heartburn, right? [CHUCKLES.]
Baby? Mom? What the hell are you talking about? ["THE RUBBERBAND MAN" BY THE SPINNERS PLAYING.]
You and me we're goin' out To catch the latest sound Guaranteed to blow Your mind so high You won't come down Hey y'all prepare yourself For the rubberband man You've never Heard a sound Like the rubberband man You're bound to lose control When the rubberband Starts to jam [GROANS.]
Rubberband, rubberband man, get down Doo doo doo doo doo doo Doo doo doo doo doo - [MAN.]
You need to get in here.
- President Graves? - [MAN NOW! - ["HAIL TO THE CHIEF"PLAYING.]
- Hurry up! - President Graves? Sir Come on down to Girrardi's Mattresses, my fellow Americans.
Because if this Tempur-Pedic mattress is firm enough for New Mexico's favorite son, it's firm enough for you.
- Love the flannel.
- Oh.
Hi.
Hi.
Um, I'm Katie Farrell, Mrs.
Graves' new communications director.
Oh, right.
Yes, I heard she might be hiring someone new.
- I'm Isaiah Mill - I know who you are, Isaiah.
I'm just gonna say it up front, what you did for President Graves, totally inspirational.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[GASPS.]
I see you two have met.
Katie Farrell is my new secret weapon.
She's gonna work with Lawrence and Annie.
Proudest moment of my life.
[MAN ON TV.]
Margaret Graves, does she still have it? Christopher Sachs, weigh in on this, please.
Well, Margaret Graves may win the primary, but she's gonna get absolutely slaughtered in the general, and we can't afford to lose this seat to the Democrats.
Not to mention the fact that Richard Graves has not attended a single rally with this woman.
This is just another vanity run by a former first lady and Well, we all know how that story ends, don't we? [SNICKERS.]
[MAN.]
Christopher Sachs, everybody.
Thank you very much.
Reporting live Come on.
I'm gonna show her around.
I should probably just see, just in case if you need anything.
[WOMAN SINGING ARIA.]
- [KNOCKING.]
- [MARGARET.]
Olivia, darling? God.
I just look fat, don't I? Olivia, where is all your furniture? Things make me sad.
What things? [WHISPERING.]
All the things.
Olivia, this is Katie Farrell, sweetheart.
It's such an honor to meet you, Olivia? You've been an inspiration to millions of young women, like me.
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
I don't mean to be rude, but go fuck yourself.
Livie! Please forgive Olivia.
She's going through some sort of pre-partem depression, which, I'm told, is not real.
OK, it is real, Katie, and it's getting realer.
- What's this? - [MARGARET.]
A birth itinerary.
I had my team put it together.
You have the best OB/GYN in the state.
This is the easiest birth one can have short of being unconscious.
Which we did check into.
[WHISPERING.]
It's not legal.
[ARIA CONTINUING.]
Please leave.
[MUSIC ENDS.]
Katie Farrell, this is Julia Martinez.
She's new to us, but has already proved herself to be invaluable.
She's a real pro.
She worked for Bernie and Jane Sanders in Vermont.
For how long? Ten very long years, ma'am.
Poor thing.
So I've been meaning to ask, where is President Graves? He's on sabbatical.
He's up at Donald Rumsfeld's hunting cabin.
I thought he'd be back last week, but he he decided to extend his stay.
Are you sure you're OK, Isaiah? No, I'm good.
I'm great, actually.
Well, that's a big, fat lie.
Hi, Mom.
My son is very upset.
I'm not upset, Ma.
[MARGARET.]
Katie, this is Sylvia Miller, Isaiah's mother.
She's been staying with us during his recovery.
- How are you feeling? You're hot.
- I'm not hot.
Mom, I don't have a fever.
Listen to me.
Don't let him fool you, Mrs.
Graves.
He has not heard from the President since he woke up from the hospital.
Not one call, since the hospital? Look, guys, I'm fine, OK? President Graves just wants to be alone, which is very understandable after the year he's had.
I mean I'm sure he wanted to call.
["TOMORROW'S GONNA BE A BRIGHTER DAY" BY JIM CROCE PLAYING.]
Well, I'm sorry for The things that I told you Words only go so far And if I had my way I would reach into heaven And I'd pull you Down a star Well, I know That it hasn't been easy And I haven't Always been around To say the right words Or to hold you in the mornin' Or to help you When you're down I know I never showed you Much of a good time But baby things Are gonna change I'm gonna make up for all Of the hurt I brought I'm gonna love away All your pain And tomorrow's Gonna be a brighter day There gonna Be some changes Tomorrow gonna Be a brighter day This time You can believe me No more cryin' In your lonely room And no more empty nights 'Cause tomorrow mornin' Everything will turn Out right Mm-mm-mm It gonna it gonna It gonna be A brighter day It gonna it gonna It gonna be a brighter day It gonna it gonna It gonna be a brighter day It gonna be it gonna be It gonna be a brighter day Mmm come on tomorrow Gonna be a brighter day Shit.
Means a lot to me that you came.
Yeah, well, you know, "Get here or fucking die," was an invitation I just couldn't refuse, so Oh, hey, just a head's up, I've only got a couple hours before my show tapes.
Yeah, congrats.
You made Malala cry.
Do not shit in my Froot Loops, Liv.
Things are moving very fast for me, I have a brand now.
OK? I am a brand.
[TEXT MESSAGE BEEPS ON CELL PHONE.]
Jesus, Jeremy, can you put that thing down for five minutes? I get it, you're fascinating, but I'm literally sitting here, growing a human.
Hello there, folks.
Hey.
So let's get started, Miss Graves.
OK, OK, I'm here for you, right? Talk to me.
Well, besides the nausea, the bleeding gums, the acne, the super fun new facial hair, I'm feeling totally fucking alone.
OK.
Not to mention, I saw this segment on The View about the former First Daughters, you know, Amy, Chelsea, that bitch, Caroline Kennedy, all of whom are doing frickin' amazing things for the world.
And me, it's like I was intentionally excluded from that segment.
I mean, what am I doing for the world? I'm living at home, I'm pregnant, [WHISPERING.]
which I obviously suck at.
Oh, let's not be so hard on yourself, all right? I mean, think about how good you were at getting pregnant.
That's true.
There's baby.
And there is the heartbeat.
[JEREMY.]
Look at that.
This is getting way too real.
[SYLVIA.]
My son is gonna be the first Jewish president.
Ta-dah! - Ha! - That's very intense.
I did this myself, I had these made.
Look, there's your name, baby.
OK, I really appreciate that, Mom, but, you know, I just it's a little much with everything.
Everything is set for you to go all the way, just like you wanted, just like you planned, right? OK, you know what, I think I just need a little air.
- What's the matter? You in pain? - No, I'll be right back, Ma.
No, I think you're overdoing it, - is what you're doing.
- You stay right there.
Do you want some antacid? I've got antacid in my purse.
I'm begging you.
You're smothering me, Mom.
Are you exhausted? Maybe you have exhaustion.
Please, Mom, OK.
A little Pepto-Bismol maybe would make you feel better.
- I need to take a walk.
- How's your back? Did that hurt? - I'm fine.
- Don't go for a walk without a sweater, that's just dumb.
Where are you go? Do you want me to come? I'm worried! Katie's right, Maggie? We need to get the big guy back here.
If the President isn't at your side when you accept the win over Nash tomorrow night, it's all anyone's gonna talk about.
I'd hate to start off the general with a question.
If only he would answer his damn cell phone.
I'm sure he hasn't even charged it.
I think we should drive up there and go and get I'll do it.
I'll go up there, and I'll bring the President back.
He'll listen to me.
Mmm, I don't think you should, Isaiah.
Please, ma'am.
Let me do this.
["YOU'RE GONNA MISS ME" BY THE 13TH FLOOR ELEVATORS PLAYING.]
Oh, shoot.
You're gonna wake up One morning As the sun greets the dawn You're gonna wake up One morning As the sun greets the dawn You're gonna look around In your mind, girl You're gonna find that I'm gone You didn't realize You didn't realize You didn't realize Oh, you're gonna Miss me, baby Oh, you're gonna Miss me Thanks.
[WOMAN ON TV.]
But Margaret Graves will win the General, won't she? [CHRISTOPHER.]
No, no, no, no, Margaret Graves is too low energy.
She's too robotic.
She's too chronically uninterested in connecting with her voters on a human level to have a prayer in this race.
Just because a certain sect may have revered you yesterday does not make you the candidate for today, that's all.
Ignore him, Maggie.
On the Sachs scale of one to dead, Graves is a zombie.
And now this, seriously? How the hell am I supposed to ignore him at this point? You have a double digit lead over Nash, that's how.
It doesn't matter.
This man has been trashing me everywhere for weeks, This Christopher something, what is his name? Sachs.
Far-right kingmaker, Karl Rove prodigy, already a legend.
Well, this kingmaker thinks that I can't beat the Democrat in the general.
He's betting his entire legendary career on it, and I do not understand, for the life of me, why this man hates me so much.
Me, what the fuck is there to hate? - Absolutely nothing.
- Ze-ro.
I want to meet him.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
- Now? - Right now.
You say Scarlett's my name Invitation Hey, Liv.
Hey.
Jesus, was it that bad? You have no idea.
What do you want? You want the usual? - Make it a double.
- OK.
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
So I toured the hospital my mother picked today.
God, I fucking hate hospitals.
My experience is, people that go in pretty much don't come out.
It's just so weird, they get born into the one place you spend the rest of your life avoiding.
- Oh, and you're gonna love this.
- What? Maggie and her goon squad already scheduled my C-section for July 4th.
She keeps saying, "Independence Day, baby," like that's a thing.
That's not a thing.
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
She doesn't think I can handle natural childbirth, that I'm too weak.
What she's really saying is that I'm incapable of handling life.
Like some mental patient.
Predictably Olivia.
Look, there's always, always going to be someone to say something.
And the only person that you have to answer to is yourself.
I'm gonna see if I can get off work early, because I think there's someone you should meet.
How would you know - [MUSIC ENDS.]
- [SIGHS.]
[ANNOUNCER.]
Welcome back to The Truth with Jeremy Graves and special guest Glenn Beck.
I am just saying, Jeremy, that your vitriol on TV is not helping the national conversation.
Because that's exactly the kind of angry "us versus them" rhetoric that I regret using.
If our republic is gonna survive, we're gonna need to find some common ground against those who threaten the fabric of our democracy.
OK, OK, OK, just shut up, Glenn, OK? You wanna know the truth, huh? OK, all right, here we go.
The truth is, we're all just living on a 3,000-mile-wide powder keg, where kids go hungry and people are getting shot every fucking day by psychopaths, and we just sleep through it, so we've got a choice.
We can either choose to continue ignoring it, or we can choose to grow a pair, point a goddamn finger, light a match, and blow it the [BLEEP.]
up! And we'll be right back.
[DRAMATIC NEWS MUSIC.]
- [MAN.]
And we're clear.
- [SIGHS.]
You know what, Jeremy? You are the biggest ass on the planet.
- Praise from Caesar.
- [TEXT MESSAGE BEEPS ON CELL PHONE.]
What the fuck? Hey, it's Tasha.
I'll call you back.
Tash, it's Jeremy.
I got your text.
Really shitty.
Can we We just need to talk about this please.
Fuck.
OK, honestly, how bad is it if someone text breaks up with you? Honestly? The worst.
Fuck! You know how women say shit like, like, "It's so sexy when a guy is driven," or, "Power and money is attractive"? Well, then riddle me this.
How come the fucking moment, the second, I achieve a modicum of success, suddenly, 'cause I'm not available 24-fucking-seven anymore, my girlfriend tells me, "You're not what I signed up for.
" What am I, a college elective? I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you'd signed up for the depressed trust fund baby with PTSD.
How rude of me to try and better myself.
And this is a girl whose father is a serial killer, by the way.
So just FYI, you know, it just, it really [BREATHING FAST.]
it's just fucked up.
[MARGARET.]
Thank you for flying in on such little notice, Mr.
Sachs.
Oh, the pleasure's mine, Mrs.
Graves, believe me.
Hmm.
Better.
This, you, me, this is fun.
- Define fun.
- Hmm? I need to know what the hell I've done to upset you, Mr.
Sachs.
Do I seem upset? You seem to be enjoying yourself at my expense.
I just call them like I see them, Mrs.
Graves.
Really? Let me ask you something.
Why should I vote for you? Because I'm gonna fight.
I've been through more battles than you ca No, no, no, we all know you were First Lady.
Come on.
And I'm a mother.
I know what it's like for these people [SNORING.]
OK, I just fell asleep, two times.
[CHUCKLES.]
Listen, your husband's past burns you for liberals.
His present burns you for conservatives.
You're not religious enough for the pious.
Women don't respect you because you're not your own person, and men don't like a bossy lady.
But more than any of that, do you know why you're gonna lose? Because you think I'm wrong.
The world is changing, politics is changing, and you are a dinosaur who's wondering why it's getting so hard to breathe.
The night before the election? [SNICKERING.]
And you're talking to me? You should be out there, knocking on doors, pleading with people to vote for you, not taking a goddamn thing for granted.
Mrs.
Graves.
Hmm.
President Graves? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
President Graves, sir? [CAR APPROACHES.]
Oh.
Uh - Oh, uh, excuse me? - [CAR DOOR CLOSES.]
Uh, I'm looking for Richard Graves.
[RASPY BREATHING.]
Oh my God, that person's massive.
Oh, shit.
- Calm down.
Calm down.
- Oh.
Sir? Jesus, Isaiah.
Oh, my God, you look filthy.
You just gonna stand there like some school girl, or are you gonna come on inside and get warm? I don't believe it.
Sir.
- [OLIVIA.]
A home birth? - [SAMANTHA.]
Liv, meet Phoenix, every pregnant woman's companion for birthing in the comfort of your own home.
You're a doula? Traditionally, doulas are woman, but I felt drawn to the birthing game.
You're a man doula then.
[CHUCKLES.]
What? My parents did it.
Natural birth, it's no meds, no hospital, predictability level, zero.
Bottom line, I am a birthing companion.
Certified in seven massage techniques and Jin Shin acupressure to make sure you are continuously relaxed throughout every moment of every trimester.
[CHUCKLES.]
Maggie would have a stroke.
You are doing the hardest thing any woman will ever have to do.
All alone, by yourself, which is all kinds of fucked up.
But your mom wants you to have a C-section because she thinks that you can't handle life? Prove her wrong.
Go on.
I am dedicated by word and my oath to give you the home birth you deserve.
You are no longer alone, Olivia.
You are a strong woman, and you are physiologically engineered to perform the one seemingly impossible task of birth.
I am.
I am strong.
Right? As fuck.
I would love to show you some of the babies I helped birth.
[ISAIAH.]
Love what they've done with the place.
It's very Noah's ark meets the Holocaust.
Well, hunting is a oldest and most noble sport.
You look great.
Yeah.
Shoulder's mostly healed.
Good.
Good.
Well, anyway, we We've got a lot of work to do, Isaiah.
I'm writing a book, a real memoire, not that piece of shit that was written years ago.
It's gonna be about me before I forever fucked up the world.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, that's very interesting, sir, but you know, I The thing, the terrible thing, I'm having trouble, Isaiah, trouble remembering.
Well, I'm sure Remembering who I was back then, when I was younger, before I was polluted with politics, before I was Governor or President.
I'm having trouble, Isaiah.
You know, I think maybe we should probably talk, actually.
So we've got a lot of work to do, Isaiah.
I need your help You never called! It's been two months.
You never even called.
Not once.
I - I got updates.
- Updates? You got updates? I got shot! I got shot, and when I woke up, you weren't there! Updates? Fuck you, sir! Respectfully.
I think I could've done it better.
- You think? - Yeah.
You can't just run away and pretend that everything is OK.
I'm not OK.
Sir, I'm not OK.
I could've died.
Do you even care? Oh, for Christ's sake, I cared.
It should've been me, Isaiah.
What the fuck were you thinking, standing in front of that gun? If he had shot me, it would've been a mercy killing.
I would've welcomed it with open arms.
But you [CHUCKLES.]
you have your whole life ahead of you.
Yes, sir, I understand, but you Isaiah.
What? Isaiah you have no i - Jesus Christ.
- I understand.
- I understand.
Come.
Come here.
- [SOBBING.]
There was nothing I'm sorry, kid.
- I'm so sorry, really.
- It's OK.
- It's OK.
- I'm really sorry.
[CHUCKLING.]
It's OK, sir.
It's OK.
Oh, wow.
Oh, boy.
Mr.
President.
What the fuck are you doing here, Walsh? Well, I thought you'd be gone by now.
It's poker night.
Rummy said I could use the cabin.
Do I look gone? - Well - Get the hell out of here! Yeah, yeah, sure.
We'll just leave you kids be.
- [QUIETLY.]
He's still a prick.
- [RICHARD.]
I heard that! It's an honor, Senator, and good work on your recent appropriations bill.
[CHUCKLING.]
- Holy Jesus, Isaiah.
- What? You're too much.
What appropriations bill? Funny thing.
I have this foggy memory, or maybe it was just a dream, of you whispering to me in the hospital.
Something about how I should stop being such a pussy.
And how you got shot three times and I only got it once.
You didn't, um? No.
'Course not.
I would never.
["STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND" BY LEON RUSSELL PLAYING.]
How many days has it been Since I was born How many days Hi, I'm Margaret Graves.
I'd be so honored to have your vote.
Do I know any ways I can make you laugh Or do I only know How to make you cry When the baby looks Around him It's such a sight to see He shares a simple secret With the wise man He's a stranger In a strange land Hey, it's Tasha.
I'll call you back.
Tasha, call me.
Fuck! He's a stranger In a strange land Come on and sing it Children So Olivia's starting to show, and despite the constant complaining, she claims to want to use her hormones for positivity, so I'm excited about that.
And Jeremy hasn't really been around since he moved out, but his show is doing great.
Uh, Mrs.
Graves misses you so much, sir, but she's very focused on her campaign.
You'd be very proud.
My physical therapist, Jerome, was a godsend.
[CONTINUES TALKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Just a stranger In a strange land