Grey's Anatomy s04e15 Episode Script
Losing My Mind
[Meredith.]
The problem with being a resident is you feel crazy all the time.
[# The Puppini Sisters: Walk Like An Egyptian.]
You haven't slept in years.
[Vacuuming.]
You spend every day around people in massive crisis.
You lose your ability to judge what's normal Move your crap off the floor before this eats it.
OK, OK, OK.
in yourself or anyone else.
And yet people are constantly asking you to tell them how they're doing.
How the hell are you supposed to know? - Eggs good? - Uh-huh.
[Rebecca groans.]
- The baby didn't like the breakfast.
- All right, into the can.
[Meredith.]
You don't even know how you're doing.
[Retches.]
We had our first honest conversation about your feelings and now you want to leave.
That doesn't strike you as strange? No.
And I'm still firing you.
- No, you're quitting.
- I'm not quitting.
- I don't quit things.
- Well, actually you do.
Your mother quit your father, your father quit you, you quit your boyfriend, and if I read your chart correctly, you quit your life, momentarily, on a couple of occasions.
You quit.
- It's what you know how to do.
- Now, you're really fired.
Now, we're getting somewhere.
I want you to handle my consults.
Anything you can do without me, do it.
Book time in the robotics lab, I want to give him a tour.
Hahn.
Walter Tapley's coming in.
Do we have anything he can scrub in on? - Walter Tapley is coming here? - [George.]
The chief was his student.
You studied at the right hand of God? - Wow.
- We need something impressive.
I will stab someone in the chest if I have to.
- [Laughs.]
- O'Malley, get Boyer ready for a CT and prep my lap chole.
I need to be out of that OR by 1 0:00.
Hahn! Plan to be free at 1 0:00.
O'Malley, did Patricia say I had any messages? Yeah.
She said She said to tell you your wife hadn't called in the 20 minutes since you last asked if your wife called.
All right.
Hey.
I'm very optimistic about this new viral cocktail.
Adding an IL-2 should make a big difference.
We're close.
- We're going to open champagne soon.
- I know.
- Are you OK? - I'm fine.
Listen, clinical trials can be a grind.
If this is getting to you, I can do this on my own.
I'm not a quitter.
I don't need you to rescue me.
Let's just do this.
[Woman.]
Waiting is a bad idea.
We're talking about your health.
Dr.
Shepherd can say no if it's a problem.
What am I saying no to? Is there any way to push back the surgery a few hours? My boyfriend's flight was canceled.
I want him to be here.
- Greta.
- He has some questions.
He's so smart about this.
I don't know what to ask.
Are you reconsidering the procedure? Andre and I have had so little time together.
We met in January.
I mean, this treatment could kill me, right? An aggressive tumor.
Don't operate, you're looking at months.
But I'd spend them with Andre.
Do you know how precious that is? Time with the person you love? - [Woman.]
Greta.
- I'm not saying I want to cancel.
I'm just saying I want to wait for Andre.
He'll help me to decide.
- OK, we can't wait for - He'll be here at 3:00.
Dr.
Mark Sloan.
I used to be a patient of his.
Rebecca? - Where have you been? - Hi, Izzie.
I've called you and left, like, 50 messages.
- You seem kind of upset.
- You're not pregnant, first of all, and Alex has been turning his life upside down to be your baby-daddy, and I can't tell him because of confidentiality.
So, yeah, upset.
You can talk to Alex about anything.
I want him involved.
And I am pregnant.
You kind of know.
OK.
So if you're not trying to trap Alex with a fake pregnancy, you won't mind if I do another test just to be sure.
Trap him? Are you out of your mind? I'm pregnant.
And that's a good thing.
Because I want this baby.
I've always wanted a baby.
You have a baby.
Of course I do.
I mean I want another one.
Do the stupid test again, it'll be fine.
I need to see Dr.
Sloan.
Can you help me with that? Yeah, I'll see what I can do.
- Dr.
Shepherd? - Yes? - There's no Andre.
- What? She made him up.
He doesn't exist.
My sister, she's not a woman who has boyfriends, OK? Then four months ago, she goes on a cruise, comes back saying she met her soul mate.
Around the time her symptoms started? There are no pictures and nobody has ever seen him.
Can you talk to her? Can you tell her we can't wait for Andre? Because we could be waiting a long time.
- Is Tapley in there? - No.
- You're lying.
- Yes.
[Elevator dings.]
- Tapley in there? - No.
- Liar.
- Yes.
- Something is wrong with her.
- No, I'm fine.
She cleaned.
Cleaned the apartment, which she has no idea how to do.
- She pushed dirt around.
- Leave her alone.
Not everybody has to be happy.
That's not mental health.
That's crap.
Walter Tapley's here and she doesn't want to meet him.
- Well, that's bad.
- You know what, Torres? - Mind your own business.
- You need to get help.
You're killing me.
Hang out until Hahn gets here, you might meet Tapley.
- I don't give a damn about Tapley.
- Cristina.
- Are you in the dark place? - Yeah.
Me, too.
There she is.
Dr.
Erica Hahn, our chief of cardiothoracic surgery.
It's an honor to meet you, Dr.
Tapley.
I use your modified bypass procedure all the time.
Yeah, well, that was an afternoon well spent.
- You came up with that in an afternoon? - It took him six years.
You're a killjoy, Webber.
I didn't really come here for a visit.
I have aortic and mitral stenosis with tricuspid regurg.
I need a double valve replacement and tricuspid repair.
Are you sure? Charts, echoes, chest X-rays everything you need.
I may have invented the modified bypass, but I can't operate on myself.
And my colleagues won't touch me because I have chronic a-fib, pulmonary hypertension and a clot in my left atrium.
They think if they operate, they'll kill me.
What makes you think we'll do it, if your colleagues won't? I didn't start their careers.
They can say no to me.
Webber can't.
Absolutely not.
- Now, hold on - Have you read the file? His arterial pressure is through the roof.
- He's aware of the risk.
- Well, in that case, fine.
What was I so worried about? I may go down in history as the surgeon who killed Walter Tapley, - but at least they're writing about me.
- Erica, sit down.
[Sighs.]
Let me tell you a story.
Thirty-eight years ago, when I was a I'm sorry.
Is this gonna be a story about how you were a struggling black med student who wanted to be a surgeon and no one would give you a chance and Walter Tapley did? He mentored you, without him you wouldn't be in this hospital? - Yes.
- I'm still not gonna operate on him.
[Elevator dings.]
I thought the sex was mind-blowing, but I get the impression you had a bad time.
- What? - Why are you avoiding me? I'm sorry.
I lost a patient.
I'm not trying to avoid you.
Not calling me after sex is you being a lifesaver? - It is.
- So I'll see you later? You didn't call her? When was the last time you called a woman after having sex? Well, that's gonna change.
I'm turning over a new leaf.
What was wrong with the old leaf? They called you a whore, you're happy.
Walter Tapley needs a double valve replacement and Hahn refuses.
- What? - Thinks she's gonna kill him.
- Lightweight.
- Since when do surgeons turn me down? - It's her choice.
She's opening him up.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Another thing.
If you spend the night with a woman, call her the next day, she doesn't call back, does that mean she had a lousy time or her answering machine was consumed in a fire? - Chief calls the next day.
- You don't have to call.
You just met this person.
It's new, it's fun, it's casual.
- It's my wife.
- Oh! - Do I call again? - Well, another call looks desperate.
Send her an e-mail.
Invite her to dinner.
Just be casual, confident.
Sexy.
- I mean, romantic.
- Mmm.
- [Richard.]
O'Malley! - Yes, sir.
Tapley's in 2062.
He's getting an EKG and an echo.
I assigned Yang.
All right.
Oh, one more thing.
I know I said I wouldn't use you to get my wife back, but I am a desperate man.
- Lay it on me.
- Draft an e-mail.
Ask her to dinner.
No, no.
Don't ask her.
Tell her.
She likes a strong hand.
You want me to ask your wife on a date with a strong hand.
- Confident.
Casual.
- Confident.
Casual.
- Sexy.
Tell her - [elevator dings.]
Tell her the train is leaving the station, she'd better get on it.
Yeah.
- Can I talk to you? About Rebecca? - I'm busy.
Alex, I gave her a pregnancy test last week.
She's not pregnant.
- I wanted to tell you.
- You're telling me now.
When I told her, she she said I was wrong.
She thinks it's some false negative.
It isn't.
She was puking and her boobs are all blown up.
- I ran it twice.
- Well, labs are wrong all the time.
You're wrong all the time! Mind your own business and stay out of my life! [Knocks.]
You have my chart and I prefer you didn't, because I fired you.
Can I have my chart? It's not appropriate to show up unannounced.
You didn't fire me, you quit.
So, if you would like to un-quit, make an appointment.
You know Make an appointment, Grey, it's what we do.
[Inhales.]
At the moment no surgery's scheduled, so focus on keeping him stable and comfortable.
Anything he wants.
He wants a steak, kill a cow.
Karev, bedside PFTs and an ABG.
- Yang, run a central line Sorry.
- [Pager beeping.]
[Grunts.]
Damn daycare pages me every time he gets a runny nose.
Find out what they want.
I need Bailey focused on Tapley.
- To the daycare? - [Richard.]
Quickly.
Right man for the job.
Grey.
Tapley needs a central line.
Do it.
- I don't understand.
- Take a needle, jab it into his subclavian so he can receive medicine and not croak.
- A central line.
- But I've never done one! Dr.
Yang? Hey! How'd it go with Greta? - I haven't spoken to her yet.
- You haven't? I mixed the virus and the IL-2.
We have six hours.
We're not gonna wait six, we're gonna wait three.
The guy we're waiting for doesn't exist.
I want to give her a little more time to enjoy him.
Or the idea of him, if nothing else.
We remove the tumor, it's gonna disappear.
It's not real.
It's OK if it disappears, she can go back to her life.
She was probably a Ionely person.
She found a way to have love.
Of course, because that's where love exists.
In delusional fantasies.
Real love isn't like that.
Good to know.
- [Babbles.]
- He punched someone named Harrison.
You punched a child? There was a graham cracker involved.
Over a graham cracker? They said they want you to talk to him.
He's 1 4 months old.
What do they think I'm gonna do, lecture on nonviolent conflict resolution? - I really don't know.
- Uh - My son punches children.
Perfect! - [Toy squeaks.]
Hey! Dr.
Yang, who's even more evil than usual, asked me to do a central line.
This is the big day that could change things for me.
In there is Tapley and Tapley is God.
I'm the chief's intern, that makes me close to God, which means I can't help you right now, as un-Christian as that may sound.
No.
I'll do Tapley's line.
So I puncture his lung, he'll get over it.
She wants you to do Tapley's line? I'll do it.
Yay! Yay for Georgie.
Georgie saves the day.
I give you Tapley and you pass it over to your intern? What the hell is wrong with you? Do you think if you kiss the chief's ass by taking care of Tapley, something magical's gonna happen? Like what? You'll earn your magical resident wings? Well, no.
No, not gonna happen, George.
You're stuck.
You are where you are.
The only way out of your situation is if Burke were here because you were Burke's guy.
For some reason he pitied your pathetic ass, but he's gone now.
No wings for Georgie.
Was I happy when I was with her? - Off and on.
- I think I idealize it.
I mean, you wouldn't hang on to a woman who's unavailable, unpredictable, right? You'd move on, keep it casual.
Don't sell yourself short.
Allow yourself to grow with Rose.
- Share experiences.
Build memories.
- Is this the new leaf? - Yeah.
- [Laughs.]
Needs work.
Oh, my God.
This is gonna kill me.
Nice work.
You found the subclavian on the first try.
Got yourself a good resident.
- Actually, sir, I'm an intern.
- The best intern in the hospital.
[Sighs.]
O'Malley, start Dr.
Tapley on a loading dose of Amiodarone, - followed by a continuous infusion.
- [George.]
Yes, sir.
Why the hell would he start me on Amiodarone? O'Leary, would you give Amiodarone to a man who's about to have - an open-heart procedure? - George, wait outside, please? - [Sighs.]
- [Door closes.]
If you can't get the head of cardiothoracics to do a valve replacement, then you're not the chief I thought you were.
And this is not the facility I thought it was, so maybe it's better for all of us if I don't get cut open here.
Would you get these lines off me? Would you get back in that bed? I'll talk to her again.
[# Alaska In Winter: Your Red Dress.]
You're not even gonna watch the Tapley surgery? I don't want five minutes with Walter Tapley.
I want five years.
Tapley's a star-maker.
That's why the chief's a star.
Five minutes is a slap in the face, like giving an alcoholic a sip of wine.
Lexie's coming over.
Let's try to keep the carnage to a minimum.
Hey, can I talk to you about something? - Maybe some other time.
- Uh, but Look, you know, she hates you.
OK? She's not going to say it to your face.
She's too polite.
But you're annoying.
Showing up here like the good girl Daddy didn't abandon is the worst that's happened to her in months.
And that's saying a lot coming from Meredith Grey.
[Exhales.]
- It's gonna be OK.
- Wanna bet? Mm.
Two minutes, I'll meet you in the on-call room.
We're gonna sit and enjoy a meal together.
- [Scoffs.]
I don't get it.
- I turned over a new leaf.
From now on, if you want this, you're gonna get this too.
Ew.
Shove over, Sloan.
Torres and I are gonna share a Sapphic salad.
- Did I miss something? - Yeah, we're lovers.
Didn't you know? [Sultry voice.]
It's a love that dare not speak its name.
Uh-hm.
Look me in the eye and tell me you're not thinking about a threesome.
I'm not.
Old Mark would, but that's no more.
Really? You're not thinking about her and me and you [whispers.]
and a video camera.
- [Laughs.]
On-call room, ten minutes.
- No! - I am the chief of surgery.
- I am not killing Walter Tapley, I don't care who you are.
- Should I leave? - No.
He's dying anyhow.
You'd rather see him die on my watch than under your knife? - Yes.
- I should leave.
No.
Is something going on with all the women that when I speak, they simply ignore it? You don't leave.
You review the file again.
If you see my wife, tell her the polite thing to do is return a man's call.
See, a tumor in the temporal lobe can blur the line between imagination and reality.
It's possible that Andre is part of that confusion.
She likes being the successful sister with a husband and kids, while I'm the single, pathetic one who has to send herself flowers on Valentine's Day.
I found someone.
And she can't deal with it.
- But there are no pictures of him.
- You want a picture? There.
There.
And there.
And there.
[Meredith.]
Those are drawings made from images in your head.
- I'm an artist, that's what I do.
- The journals and writing? - Did you do that before? - Leave her alone.
I didn't have anything to write about before.
[Meredith.]
There's a symptom called hypergraphia.
- It's compulsive - Leave her alone.
[Greta.]
I'm in love with a man.
I've touched him and held him.
He is not a figment of my imagination.
[Woman.]
Tell them how you met.
I was on a cruise around the Greek Islands and we'd stopped at Santorini.
I was running to get to the ship and my shoe fell off.
The horn was blowing, so I didn't stop.
I left it.
That night, at dinner, Andre found me.
He had my shoe.
- [Woman.]
Sound familiar? - [Greta.]
You're mocking me.
No, I'm not.
I'm trying to make you see.
Dr.
Shepherd, does anything about that sound familiar? Sounds like Cinderella.
[Woman.]
What else happened on the boat? - Greta.
- I had my first blackouts.
Andre was there.
He carried me to A woman found you on the floor of the bathroom.
- Prince Charming didn't carry you - All of you, get out! This is stupid, stupid! Stupid conversation.
Greta, the serum that we use to kill the tumor, - it only lasts a few hours.
So - Is it going to expire by 3:00? No, it is not.
- Dr.
Shepherd - It is not.
We can wait until 3:00.
We can't wait all day, but we can wait until 3:00.
Hey, you! How's the? Some of my best work.
Any pulling around the suture lines? No.
It's perfect.
I'm just not sure if it goes with the body.
See what I mean? Face is a head turner, but the boobs aren't stopping anybody on the street.
You can close the gown.
It doesn't match! Doesn't go with my face, doesn't go with my personality.
- It's all wrong.
- Didn't you tell me you were pregnant? I don't need a lecture.
I just need you to finish what you started.
Can you do that? [# Electrocute: Uh-Oh.]
- I need to talk to you.
- [Wyatt.]
Make an appointment! I don't want an appointment, just my chart back.
Get it now.
[Wyatt.]
I'd like to go to the bathroom in peace.
Everybody's dissatisfied here.
Where do you get off suggesting I'm a coward, a quitter? Are you trying to make me feel bad so you can fix me? - [Wyatt.]
Talk about it in therapy.
- No! I don't need therapy! - [Sighs.]
I forgive you.
- Lexie.
No.
I forgive you.
I forgive you for treating me like crap and letting your friend treat me like crap.
- Lexie.
- I don't know how you get up.
I honestly don't.
Our dad abandoned you.
Your mom, by all accounts, was the meanest person ever.
You can't let Derek love you and it all really sucks.
But ever since I knew you existed, I had this fantasy about my big sister.
And you have failed, on every occasion, to live up to that fantasy.
But I still love you, whether you are capable of letting me or not.
So I forgive you.
[Toilet flushes.]
- 2:00 work for you? - Yeah, OK.
If this man dies under my knife, Richard, so help me, I will tell every reporter in the land that you insisted we do this.
- You will look like an idiot.
- Relax! I'll be fine.
[Scoffs.]
- [Door opens.]
- She has impeccable judgment.
[Door closes.]
And this may be the dumbest thing I've ever done.
Ted Ginsburg would have done this.
But I wanted a friend, in case I went into the OR and didn't come back.
I wanted an old friend to say goodbye.
- I'm honored.
- Don't be.
I should have had a wife and a bunch of kids so I wouldn't have to track you down to get someone to be at my deathbed.
Stevens.
What are you treating Rebecca Pope for? A pregnancy she doesn't have but thinks she does.
Doesn't one of you have science on your side? Yes.
She is acting really weird.
She wants breast enhancement surgery.
She thinks her new face doesn't match her body.
May be acute stress disorder.
It happens when people have massive plastic surgeries and trauma.
You look in the mirror, you're not sure you are the same person.
It can lead to odd behavior.
Thinking you're pregnant when you're not, forgetting you have a baby? Make it clear to her she's not pregnant and get her a psych consult.
- And have psych call me.
- OK.
Here you are, chief.
Read that to me.
I can't see anything on that tiny screen.
- Oh, no, that's a bad idea.
- Speak up, O'Malley.
"Dear Adele, eat with me.
The love train is leaving the station.
- You know you want to take a ride.
" - O'Malley! "Take a ride on my love train" Sir, I didn't come up with the train or the station.
- Give that to me.
I'll do it myself.
- Yes.
Hey, so, let me get this straight.
If I wander into an on-call room, you are not gonna follow me? [laughs.]
You ever think about why you need sex all the time? Is it replacing something? I use it to clear my head.
So [singsong.]
on-call room.
We can sit there and talk, but we're not having sex.
Why? What are we gonna talk about? At lunch, you wanted to talk threesomes.
You are so not a new man.
I mean, I guess if you had to have a threesome, Erica Hahn wouldn't be a bad choice, right? She brings that whole, "We're naughty, getting sent to the principal's office" thing to it.
You never thought about reaching across the OR table and pulling down her mask, ripping off her scrub cap, so that you can grab a handful of that blonde hair Stop! Stop talking about Erica Hahn.
[Exhales.]
Forget it.
Everything all right? One of the founding fathers of cardiothoracic surgery is on the table and I'm about to slice open his chest.
Give me a minute.
[Exhales.]
OK, scalpel.
[Richard.]
Don't screw it up.
[Chuckles.]
I'm gonna kill you.
We've got this patient.
And she's got true love.
Do you want to know why? Because her boyfriend doesn't exist.
Derek is all broken up over her, like it means something that she's having an affair with a hallucination.
Derek wasn't ready to give up on the relationship, you were.
No, I didn't give up.
I wanted to try again.
And then he went and kissed Rose.
So he's the one who messes up.
Not me.
But it's a relationship.
People make mistakes.
And you stand back, waiting for him to fail so you can say, "A-ha! Now I quit.
" No! It wasn't working.
Was life not working when you let that slip out from under you? When are you gonna stop suggesting I'm suicidal? When you act like somebody that wants to be alive.
- Give me my chart! - Why? I'm not suicidal.
If it says that, it's wrong.
What happened when you fell in the water? - Almost drowned.
I did that for kicks? - You put your hand in a body cavity that contained unexploded ordinance.
I was trying to save a patient! Why is it that every other person in that room had the sense to hit the deck? You know, people run away from this line between life and death.
You seem to stand on it and wait for a strong wind to sway you one way or the other.
You're careless with your life.
You're not slitting your wrists, but you're careless.
Probably because your mother told you you were a waste of space.
The problem is you believed her.
If you don't watch out, one of these days you're gonna die because of it.
Hand me my chart.
Now! And don't ever talk about my mother again.
- [Erica.]
What the hell is? - [Beeping.]
There's a leak.
Go back on bypass now! [Richard.]
Take clamps off the aortic and venous lines.
- [Bailey.]
Grey, take the suction.
- The left atrium is torn where that clot was adhered.
Metzenbaum scissors! [exhales.]
This was a mistake.
It was irresponsible and stupid, and I cannot believe I let you talk me into it! My reputation's gonna be in the toilet at the end.
Dan Slocum at Mercy is gonna have a field day with this, - condescending tool that he is.
- Erica.
Don't "Erica" me, Richard.
It's not your good name we're gonna destroy, - much as I wish that it was.
- Dr.
Hahn, it's done.
No leak.
The repair's holding.
- You were saying? - [Chuckles.]
[# The National: About Today.]
[Greta.]
Is that clock right? I'm sure it is.
Maybe his plane was delayed.
His phone is off.
Maybe his phone is off because he's still on the plane.
He's coming! [Sobbing.]
Here.
- My head did this? - No.
Your tumor did this.
He was never there? Oh, God.
[Sobs.]
Oh, God! How can he not be real? I'm sorry.
[Groans.]
[Crying loudly.]
[Greta.]
Oh, God! [Babbling.]
Hey, there, baby boy! You managed to make it through the day? Our son has been punching other children.
- Yeah, I know.
- What do you mean, you know? It's happened before.
I'm dealing with it.
Wait.
I had to bribe the director of the daycare center to get him back in.
I had to bring apple slices and give free mammograms to the teachers.
Now, why aren't you telling me what's happening? I don't judge how you do surgery, don't judge how I deal with the baby.
You didn't deal.
He's punching other children! Of course he's punching! He used to be with me all day.
Now, he's in day care so he spends ten minutes with you every three hours.
- So that's making him violent? - [Knocking.]
Hey, Tuck! Hey! Can I take him to say hi for a minute? - Uh Yeah, sure, sure.
- Want to play with the office supplies? Look, if you can't communicate well enough to tell me Don't lecture me, Miranda Bailey.
I'm not one of your students.
With all the time you spend here, it's hard to differentiate.
No, I spend my time here because I'm building a life for us! I spend time here because I don't have the luxury of being able to take a year off and spend it with our child, knowing my career's waiting for me when I'm ready to go back! Luxury? So you think spending all day every day wiping noses and changing diapers is a luxury? No, I think it's a beautiful thing that you get to do.
- You take it for granted! - Take it for granted? - Yes! - I take our family for granted? - I did not say - You did say! - You did say! - I work because we - You love your work! - And I love my family, too! It is going to be OK.
Uncle George says it is going to be OK.
[Beeps.]
[Rebecca.]
This happened when I was a kid.
I'd get a strep test, - it'd come back negative.
- Look.
OK, that's your uterus.
There is nothing in there.
No fetus, no sac.
Nothing.
But it's too early.
It's tiny, you can't see anything yet.
- What the hell are you doing? - I paged you 20 minutes ago.
[Sighs.]
Rebecca, look.
OK? This is a fetus at six weeks.
Right? It's a tiny spot, but it's there, you can see it.
Look at your uterus, there's nothing there.
Nothing.
Get out.
Here are her labs.
There's a chart note from Dr.
Sloan.
- I can get a psych consult if you want.
- Look, just get out! What? There's no baby.
- I lost the baby? - No, you weren't pregnant.
If you had been pregnant, your beta-HCG level would be elevated.
It's zero.
You didn't miscarry, there never was a baby.
I can't believe I lost our baby.
Rebecca.
You're not hearing me.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so I'm so sorry I lost our baby.
[Whimpers.]
Shh.
It's OK.
You're gonna be OK, all right? Remember, we need to stay in synch.
Ready? Go.
Good.
Easy, slow, slow down.
- Right there, right there.
Good.
- [Beeping.]
Pressure's rising, she's getting bradycardic.
So let's push one gram per kilo of Mannitol, 20 Lasix, see if we can avoid increased ICP.
Is there a problem, Dr.
Grey? Andre's here.
You run everywhere, or is it just you're scared of me? - I'm trying to stay on top of things.
- You're doing a fine job.
It's very impressive work.
Sir, if you would mention to the chief you like my work? I was held back as an intern.
There was some personal stuff.
I'm good.
And if you would say something to him Webber would not have made that decision lightly.
Learning is like healing.
It happens over time.
Listen.
Keep running.
But not because you want to cut corners, - because it makes you a better doctor.
- [Door opens.]
- You're not supposed to be talking.
- O'Leary and I were just marveling at the fact that you haven't killed me yet.
Well, there's always tomorrow.
Check his post-op echo, make sure there's no residual prolapse.
Yes, sir.
[Door opens.]
[Door closes.]
[# Bon Iver: The Wolves.]
[Sighs.]
- Are you OK? - Don't ask me if I'm OK.
- OK.
- [Grunts.]
You make me sick.
Have some fire.
Be unstoppable.
Be a force of nature.
Be better than anyone here and don't give a damn what anyone thinks.
There are no teams here.
No buddies.
You're on your own.
Be on your own.
Dr.
Yang, I just scrubbed in on Walter Tapley's double valve replacement.
I watched Dr.
Hahn excise a piece of his pericardium from three inches away.
That's what I got to do while you made notes in charts.
So whatever crap you want to rain down on my head, go for it.
Because I just saw the inside of Walter Tapley's heart, and that is something you will never take away from me.
Yeah.
OK.
OK then.
Hey, Tuck! Here's Tapley's file.
The new labs are in there.
- Just put it on the pile.
- Tucker didn't take him? I wanted the evening with him.
You guys get to the bottom of anything? [Tuck babbles.]
Why don't I take Tuck for a couple hours? You can go talk to him.
Go fight.
You're not gonna fix anything in one day, but you can go on and keep trying.
What are you doing? I need clothes.
She's staying with me.
She didn't bring enough stuff.
- Did you call her husband? - She doesn't want to.
Did you get a psych consult? Alex, she had a hysterical pregnancy.
Sloan thinks she may have a stress She's fine, OK? I can handle it.
I'm gonna take care of her.
Just give me some damn girl clothes.
[Whispers.]
Put your arms up a little bit.
There you go.
Tomorrow's board and Dr.
Tapley's echo.
Hahn is seeing him now.
What are you doing with Bailey's child? Dr.
Bailey and I are in love.
I'll be heading to Vegas with her as soon as my divorce is final.
We need to write Adele again.
She replied to my e-mail, but all she sent was a typo.
She's no better at this than I am.
- That's not a typo, that's a wink.
- A semi-colon and a closed parentheses? Turn it sideways.
- What the hell does this mean? - She's flirting.
Oh! - Oh, that's good! - Yeah.
O'Malley.
Good work today.
You know what that was? That was the "attaboy.
" This may have been the most exhausting day of my life, my back is killing me, no offense, and I haven't seen the inside of an OR in I don't know how long, but I got the attaboy.
I'm turning it around.
And you're gonna get the punching under control, right? You and me.
Boy, it takes us a while, but we get there.
We reached the tumor.
But there was swelling in Greta's brain.
We did an MRI, and it suggested that the swelling in her brain caused a great deal of damage.
It doesn't look like she's gonna wake up.
Mr.
Barret, we're so sorry.
We should have waited.
We didn't think I didn't think you were coming.
The whole story just sounded so incredible.
She told you about the shoe, right? It makes us both sound crazy.
I could never get that image out of my head her running up the gangplank with one shoe.
Wind in her hair.
Most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
She might wake up, right? I mean, it's been a fairy tale from the start.
They always wake up.
[# Joshua Radin: Sky.]
[Meredith.]
Don't wonder why people go crazy.
- Wonder why they don't.
- [Sobbing.]
In the face of all we can lose in a day in an instant wonder what the hell it is that makes us hold it together.
[Groans.]
[Elevator dings.]
Ladies.
He's thinking about a threesome.
- I am not.
- You are.
He has been all day.
OK, fine.
I got a new leaf, not a lobotomy.
You couldn't handle the two of us.
Oh, but I could.
I won't, but I could.
You wouldn't find it intimidating? Not at all.
[Scoffs.]
[Elevator dings.]
See? Too much for you.
Damn it! On-call room, right now.
Rose.
- You want go have dinner? - No, I'm sorry.
I can't.
- Oh, come on.
- Derek.
We spent a night together and you vanished.
I wish I was secure enough to handle that without a bruised ego and sugar, - but I'm not.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- Can't we just make this easier? - [Scoffs.]
I don't Look, I don't want See, I've done complicated.
I don't want to do that again.
Can't this just be easy? Fun? We don't need that fairy tale thing right now.
We just need a little happy.
Hm? [Door opens.]
[Door closes.]
[Sighs.]
[Breathes deeply.]
[Exhales.]
[Sniffs.]
[Exhales.]
My mother tried to kill herself when I was a kid.
After the love of her life disappeared.
I never told anybody that before.
- [Sniffs.]
- OK.
So you think I'm broken? Fix me.
Because I'm no quitter.
Let's go.
[Sirens wailing.]
The problem with being a resident is you feel crazy all the time.
[# The Puppini Sisters: Walk Like An Egyptian.]
You haven't slept in years.
[Vacuuming.]
You spend every day around people in massive crisis.
You lose your ability to judge what's normal Move your crap off the floor before this eats it.
OK, OK, OK.
in yourself or anyone else.
And yet people are constantly asking you to tell them how they're doing.
How the hell are you supposed to know? - Eggs good? - Uh-huh.
[Rebecca groans.]
- The baby didn't like the breakfast.
- All right, into the can.
[Meredith.]
You don't even know how you're doing.
[Retches.]
We had our first honest conversation about your feelings and now you want to leave.
That doesn't strike you as strange? No.
And I'm still firing you.
- No, you're quitting.
- I'm not quitting.
- I don't quit things.
- Well, actually you do.
Your mother quit your father, your father quit you, you quit your boyfriend, and if I read your chart correctly, you quit your life, momentarily, on a couple of occasions.
You quit.
- It's what you know how to do.
- Now, you're really fired.
Now, we're getting somewhere.
I want you to handle my consults.
Anything you can do without me, do it.
Book time in the robotics lab, I want to give him a tour.
Hahn.
Walter Tapley's coming in.
Do we have anything he can scrub in on? - Walter Tapley is coming here? - [George.]
The chief was his student.
You studied at the right hand of God? - Wow.
- We need something impressive.
I will stab someone in the chest if I have to.
- [Laughs.]
- O'Malley, get Boyer ready for a CT and prep my lap chole.
I need to be out of that OR by 1 0:00.
Hahn! Plan to be free at 1 0:00.
O'Malley, did Patricia say I had any messages? Yeah.
She said She said to tell you your wife hadn't called in the 20 minutes since you last asked if your wife called.
All right.
Hey.
I'm very optimistic about this new viral cocktail.
Adding an IL-2 should make a big difference.
We're close.
- We're going to open champagne soon.
- I know.
- Are you OK? - I'm fine.
Listen, clinical trials can be a grind.
If this is getting to you, I can do this on my own.
I'm not a quitter.
I don't need you to rescue me.
Let's just do this.
[Woman.]
Waiting is a bad idea.
We're talking about your health.
Dr.
Shepherd can say no if it's a problem.
What am I saying no to? Is there any way to push back the surgery a few hours? My boyfriend's flight was canceled.
I want him to be here.
- Greta.
- He has some questions.
He's so smart about this.
I don't know what to ask.
Are you reconsidering the procedure? Andre and I have had so little time together.
We met in January.
I mean, this treatment could kill me, right? An aggressive tumor.
Don't operate, you're looking at months.
But I'd spend them with Andre.
Do you know how precious that is? Time with the person you love? - [Woman.]
Greta.
- I'm not saying I want to cancel.
I'm just saying I want to wait for Andre.
He'll help me to decide.
- OK, we can't wait for - He'll be here at 3:00.
Dr.
Mark Sloan.
I used to be a patient of his.
Rebecca? - Where have you been? - Hi, Izzie.
I've called you and left, like, 50 messages.
- You seem kind of upset.
- You're not pregnant, first of all, and Alex has been turning his life upside down to be your baby-daddy, and I can't tell him because of confidentiality.
So, yeah, upset.
You can talk to Alex about anything.
I want him involved.
And I am pregnant.
You kind of know.
OK.
So if you're not trying to trap Alex with a fake pregnancy, you won't mind if I do another test just to be sure.
Trap him? Are you out of your mind? I'm pregnant.
And that's a good thing.
Because I want this baby.
I've always wanted a baby.
You have a baby.
Of course I do.
I mean I want another one.
Do the stupid test again, it'll be fine.
I need to see Dr.
Sloan.
Can you help me with that? Yeah, I'll see what I can do.
- Dr.
Shepherd? - Yes? - There's no Andre.
- What? She made him up.
He doesn't exist.
My sister, she's not a woman who has boyfriends, OK? Then four months ago, she goes on a cruise, comes back saying she met her soul mate.
Around the time her symptoms started? There are no pictures and nobody has ever seen him.
Can you talk to her? Can you tell her we can't wait for Andre? Because we could be waiting a long time.
- Is Tapley in there? - No.
- You're lying.
- Yes.
[Elevator dings.]
- Tapley in there? - No.
- Liar.
- Yes.
- Something is wrong with her.
- No, I'm fine.
She cleaned.
Cleaned the apartment, which she has no idea how to do.
- She pushed dirt around.
- Leave her alone.
Not everybody has to be happy.
That's not mental health.
That's crap.
Walter Tapley's here and she doesn't want to meet him.
- Well, that's bad.
- You know what, Torres? - Mind your own business.
- You need to get help.
You're killing me.
Hang out until Hahn gets here, you might meet Tapley.
- I don't give a damn about Tapley.
- Cristina.
- Are you in the dark place? - Yeah.
Me, too.
There she is.
Dr.
Erica Hahn, our chief of cardiothoracic surgery.
It's an honor to meet you, Dr.
Tapley.
I use your modified bypass procedure all the time.
Yeah, well, that was an afternoon well spent.
- You came up with that in an afternoon? - It took him six years.
You're a killjoy, Webber.
I didn't really come here for a visit.
I have aortic and mitral stenosis with tricuspid regurg.
I need a double valve replacement and tricuspid repair.
Are you sure? Charts, echoes, chest X-rays everything you need.
I may have invented the modified bypass, but I can't operate on myself.
And my colleagues won't touch me because I have chronic a-fib, pulmonary hypertension and a clot in my left atrium.
They think if they operate, they'll kill me.
What makes you think we'll do it, if your colleagues won't? I didn't start their careers.
They can say no to me.
Webber can't.
Absolutely not.
- Now, hold on - Have you read the file? His arterial pressure is through the roof.
- He's aware of the risk.
- Well, in that case, fine.
What was I so worried about? I may go down in history as the surgeon who killed Walter Tapley, - but at least they're writing about me.
- Erica, sit down.
[Sighs.]
Let me tell you a story.
Thirty-eight years ago, when I was a I'm sorry.
Is this gonna be a story about how you were a struggling black med student who wanted to be a surgeon and no one would give you a chance and Walter Tapley did? He mentored you, without him you wouldn't be in this hospital? - Yes.
- I'm still not gonna operate on him.
[Elevator dings.]
I thought the sex was mind-blowing, but I get the impression you had a bad time.
- What? - Why are you avoiding me? I'm sorry.
I lost a patient.
I'm not trying to avoid you.
Not calling me after sex is you being a lifesaver? - It is.
- So I'll see you later? You didn't call her? When was the last time you called a woman after having sex? Well, that's gonna change.
I'm turning over a new leaf.
What was wrong with the old leaf? They called you a whore, you're happy.
Walter Tapley needs a double valve replacement and Hahn refuses.
- What? - Thinks she's gonna kill him.
- Lightweight.
- Since when do surgeons turn me down? - It's her choice.
She's opening him up.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Another thing.
If you spend the night with a woman, call her the next day, she doesn't call back, does that mean she had a lousy time or her answering machine was consumed in a fire? - Chief calls the next day.
- You don't have to call.
You just met this person.
It's new, it's fun, it's casual.
- It's my wife.
- Oh! - Do I call again? - Well, another call looks desperate.
Send her an e-mail.
Invite her to dinner.
Just be casual, confident.
Sexy.
- I mean, romantic.
- Mmm.
- [Richard.]
O'Malley! - Yes, sir.
Tapley's in 2062.
He's getting an EKG and an echo.
I assigned Yang.
All right.
Oh, one more thing.
I know I said I wouldn't use you to get my wife back, but I am a desperate man.
- Lay it on me.
- Draft an e-mail.
Ask her to dinner.
No, no.
Don't ask her.
Tell her.
She likes a strong hand.
You want me to ask your wife on a date with a strong hand.
- Confident.
Casual.
- Confident.
Casual.
- Sexy.
Tell her - [elevator dings.]
Tell her the train is leaving the station, she'd better get on it.
Yeah.
- Can I talk to you? About Rebecca? - I'm busy.
Alex, I gave her a pregnancy test last week.
She's not pregnant.
- I wanted to tell you.
- You're telling me now.
When I told her, she she said I was wrong.
She thinks it's some false negative.
It isn't.
She was puking and her boobs are all blown up.
- I ran it twice.
- Well, labs are wrong all the time.
You're wrong all the time! Mind your own business and stay out of my life! [Knocks.]
You have my chart and I prefer you didn't, because I fired you.
Can I have my chart? It's not appropriate to show up unannounced.
You didn't fire me, you quit.
So, if you would like to un-quit, make an appointment.
You know Make an appointment, Grey, it's what we do.
[Inhales.]
At the moment no surgery's scheduled, so focus on keeping him stable and comfortable.
Anything he wants.
He wants a steak, kill a cow.
Karev, bedside PFTs and an ABG.
- Yang, run a central line Sorry.
- [Pager beeping.]
[Grunts.]
Damn daycare pages me every time he gets a runny nose.
Find out what they want.
I need Bailey focused on Tapley.
- To the daycare? - [Richard.]
Quickly.
Right man for the job.
Grey.
Tapley needs a central line.
Do it.
- I don't understand.
- Take a needle, jab it into his subclavian so he can receive medicine and not croak.
- A central line.
- But I've never done one! Dr.
Yang? Hey! How'd it go with Greta? - I haven't spoken to her yet.
- You haven't? I mixed the virus and the IL-2.
We have six hours.
We're not gonna wait six, we're gonna wait three.
The guy we're waiting for doesn't exist.
I want to give her a little more time to enjoy him.
Or the idea of him, if nothing else.
We remove the tumor, it's gonna disappear.
It's not real.
It's OK if it disappears, she can go back to her life.
She was probably a Ionely person.
She found a way to have love.
Of course, because that's where love exists.
In delusional fantasies.
Real love isn't like that.
Good to know.
- [Babbles.]
- He punched someone named Harrison.
You punched a child? There was a graham cracker involved.
Over a graham cracker? They said they want you to talk to him.
He's 1 4 months old.
What do they think I'm gonna do, lecture on nonviolent conflict resolution? - I really don't know.
- Uh - My son punches children.
Perfect! - [Toy squeaks.]
Hey! Dr.
Yang, who's even more evil than usual, asked me to do a central line.
This is the big day that could change things for me.
In there is Tapley and Tapley is God.
I'm the chief's intern, that makes me close to God, which means I can't help you right now, as un-Christian as that may sound.
No.
I'll do Tapley's line.
So I puncture his lung, he'll get over it.
She wants you to do Tapley's line? I'll do it.
Yay! Yay for Georgie.
Georgie saves the day.
I give you Tapley and you pass it over to your intern? What the hell is wrong with you? Do you think if you kiss the chief's ass by taking care of Tapley, something magical's gonna happen? Like what? You'll earn your magical resident wings? Well, no.
No, not gonna happen, George.
You're stuck.
You are where you are.
The only way out of your situation is if Burke were here because you were Burke's guy.
For some reason he pitied your pathetic ass, but he's gone now.
No wings for Georgie.
Was I happy when I was with her? - Off and on.
- I think I idealize it.
I mean, you wouldn't hang on to a woman who's unavailable, unpredictable, right? You'd move on, keep it casual.
Don't sell yourself short.
Allow yourself to grow with Rose.
- Share experiences.
Build memories.
- Is this the new leaf? - Yeah.
- [Laughs.]
Needs work.
Oh, my God.
This is gonna kill me.
Nice work.
You found the subclavian on the first try.
Got yourself a good resident.
- Actually, sir, I'm an intern.
- The best intern in the hospital.
[Sighs.]
O'Malley, start Dr.
Tapley on a loading dose of Amiodarone, - followed by a continuous infusion.
- [George.]
Yes, sir.
Why the hell would he start me on Amiodarone? O'Leary, would you give Amiodarone to a man who's about to have - an open-heart procedure? - George, wait outside, please? - [Sighs.]
- [Door closes.]
If you can't get the head of cardiothoracics to do a valve replacement, then you're not the chief I thought you were.
And this is not the facility I thought it was, so maybe it's better for all of us if I don't get cut open here.
Would you get these lines off me? Would you get back in that bed? I'll talk to her again.
[# Alaska In Winter: Your Red Dress.]
You're not even gonna watch the Tapley surgery? I don't want five minutes with Walter Tapley.
I want five years.
Tapley's a star-maker.
That's why the chief's a star.
Five minutes is a slap in the face, like giving an alcoholic a sip of wine.
Lexie's coming over.
Let's try to keep the carnage to a minimum.
Hey, can I talk to you about something? - Maybe some other time.
- Uh, but Look, you know, she hates you.
OK? She's not going to say it to your face.
She's too polite.
But you're annoying.
Showing up here like the good girl Daddy didn't abandon is the worst that's happened to her in months.
And that's saying a lot coming from Meredith Grey.
[Exhales.]
- It's gonna be OK.
- Wanna bet? Mm.
Two minutes, I'll meet you in the on-call room.
We're gonna sit and enjoy a meal together.
- [Scoffs.]
I don't get it.
- I turned over a new leaf.
From now on, if you want this, you're gonna get this too.
Ew.
Shove over, Sloan.
Torres and I are gonna share a Sapphic salad.
- Did I miss something? - Yeah, we're lovers.
Didn't you know? [Sultry voice.]
It's a love that dare not speak its name.
Uh-hm.
Look me in the eye and tell me you're not thinking about a threesome.
I'm not.
Old Mark would, but that's no more.
Really? You're not thinking about her and me and you [whispers.]
and a video camera.
- [Laughs.]
On-call room, ten minutes.
- No! - I am the chief of surgery.
- I am not killing Walter Tapley, I don't care who you are.
- Should I leave? - No.
He's dying anyhow.
You'd rather see him die on my watch than under your knife? - Yes.
- I should leave.
No.
Is something going on with all the women that when I speak, they simply ignore it? You don't leave.
You review the file again.
If you see my wife, tell her the polite thing to do is return a man's call.
See, a tumor in the temporal lobe can blur the line between imagination and reality.
It's possible that Andre is part of that confusion.
She likes being the successful sister with a husband and kids, while I'm the single, pathetic one who has to send herself flowers on Valentine's Day.
I found someone.
And she can't deal with it.
- But there are no pictures of him.
- You want a picture? There.
There.
And there.
And there.
[Meredith.]
Those are drawings made from images in your head.
- I'm an artist, that's what I do.
- The journals and writing? - Did you do that before? - Leave her alone.
I didn't have anything to write about before.
[Meredith.]
There's a symptom called hypergraphia.
- It's compulsive - Leave her alone.
[Greta.]
I'm in love with a man.
I've touched him and held him.
He is not a figment of my imagination.
[Woman.]
Tell them how you met.
I was on a cruise around the Greek Islands and we'd stopped at Santorini.
I was running to get to the ship and my shoe fell off.
The horn was blowing, so I didn't stop.
I left it.
That night, at dinner, Andre found me.
He had my shoe.
- [Woman.]
Sound familiar? - [Greta.]
You're mocking me.
No, I'm not.
I'm trying to make you see.
Dr.
Shepherd, does anything about that sound familiar? Sounds like Cinderella.
[Woman.]
What else happened on the boat? - Greta.
- I had my first blackouts.
Andre was there.
He carried me to A woman found you on the floor of the bathroom.
- Prince Charming didn't carry you - All of you, get out! This is stupid, stupid! Stupid conversation.
Greta, the serum that we use to kill the tumor, - it only lasts a few hours.
So - Is it going to expire by 3:00? No, it is not.
- Dr.
Shepherd - It is not.
We can wait until 3:00.
We can't wait all day, but we can wait until 3:00.
Hey, you! How's the? Some of my best work.
Any pulling around the suture lines? No.
It's perfect.
I'm just not sure if it goes with the body.
See what I mean? Face is a head turner, but the boobs aren't stopping anybody on the street.
You can close the gown.
It doesn't match! Doesn't go with my face, doesn't go with my personality.
- It's all wrong.
- Didn't you tell me you were pregnant? I don't need a lecture.
I just need you to finish what you started.
Can you do that? [# Electrocute: Uh-Oh.]
- I need to talk to you.
- [Wyatt.]
Make an appointment! I don't want an appointment, just my chart back.
Get it now.
[Wyatt.]
I'd like to go to the bathroom in peace.
Everybody's dissatisfied here.
Where do you get off suggesting I'm a coward, a quitter? Are you trying to make me feel bad so you can fix me? - [Wyatt.]
Talk about it in therapy.
- No! I don't need therapy! - [Sighs.]
I forgive you.
- Lexie.
No.
I forgive you.
I forgive you for treating me like crap and letting your friend treat me like crap.
- Lexie.
- I don't know how you get up.
I honestly don't.
Our dad abandoned you.
Your mom, by all accounts, was the meanest person ever.
You can't let Derek love you and it all really sucks.
But ever since I knew you existed, I had this fantasy about my big sister.
And you have failed, on every occasion, to live up to that fantasy.
But I still love you, whether you are capable of letting me or not.
So I forgive you.
[Toilet flushes.]
- 2:00 work for you? - Yeah, OK.
If this man dies under my knife, Richard, so help me, I will tell every reporter in the land that you insisted we do this.
- You will look like an idiot.
- Relax! I'll be fine.
[Scoffs.]
- [Door opens.]
- She has impeccable judgment.
[Door closes.]
And this may be the dumbest thing I've ever done.
Ted Ginsburg would have done this.
But I wanted a friend, in case I went into the OR and didn't come back.
I wanted an old friend to say goodbye.
- I'm honored.
- Don't be.
I should have had a wife and a bunch of kids so I wouldn't have to track you down to get someone to be at my deathbed.
Stevens.
What are you treating Rebecca Pope for? A pregnancy she doesn't have but thinks she does.
Doesn't one of you have science on your side? Yes.
She is acting really weird.
She wants breast enhancement surgery.
She thinks her new face doesn't match her body.
May be acute stress disorder.
It happens when people have massive plastic surgeries and trauma.
You look in the mirror, you're not sure you are the same person.
It can lead to odd behavior.
Thinking you're pregnant when you're not, forgetting you have a baby? Make it clear to her she's not pregnant and get her a psych consult.
- And have psych call me.
- OK.
Here you are, chief.
Read that to me.
I can't see anything on that tiny screen.
- Oh, no, that's a bad idea.
- Speak up, O'Malley.
"Dear Adele, eat with me.
The love train is leaving the station.
- You know you want to take a ride.
" - O'Malley! "Take a ride on my love train" Sir, I didn't come up with the train or the station.
- Give that to me.
I'll do it myself.
- Yes.
Hey, so, let me get this straight.
If I wander into an on-call room, you are not gonna follow me? [laughs.]
You ever think about why you need sex all the time? Is it replacing something? I use it to clear my head.
So [singsong.]
on-call room.
We can sit there and talk, but we're not having sex.
Why? What are we gonna talk about? At lunch, you wanted to talk threesomes.
You are so not a new man.
I mean, I guess if you had to have a threesome, Erica Hahn wouldn't be a bad choice, right? She brings that whole, "We're naughty, getting sent to the principal's office" thing to it.
You never thought about reaching across the OR table and pulling down her mask, ripping off her scrub cap, so that you can grab a handful of that blonde hair Stop! Stop talking about Erica Hahn.
[Exhales.]
Forget it.
Everything all right? One of the founding fathers of cardiothoracic surgery is on the table and I'm about to slice open his chest.
Give me a minute.
[Exhales.]
OK, scalpel.
[Richard.]
Don't screw it up.
[Chuckles.]
I'm gonna kill you.
We've got this patient.
And she's got true love.
Do you want to know why? Because her boyfriend doesn't exist.
Derek is all broken up over her, like it means something that she's having an affair with a hallucination.
Derek wasn't ready to give up on the relationship, you were.
No, I didn't give up.
I wanted to try again.
And then he went and kissed Rose.
So he's the one who messes up.
Not me.
But it's a relationship.
People make mistakes.
And you stand back, waiting for him to fail so you can say, "A-ha! Now I quit.
" No! It wasn't working.
Was life not working when you let that slip out from under you? When are you gonna stop suggesting I'm suicidal? When you act like somebody that wants to be alive.
- Give me my chart! - Why? I'm not suicidal.
If it says that, it's wrong.
What happened when you fell in the water? - Almost drowned.
I did that for kicks? - You put your hand in a body cavity that contained unexploded ordinance.
I was trying to save a patient! Why is it that every other person in that room had the sense to hit the deck? You know, people run away from this line between life and death.
You seem to stand on it and wait for a strong wind to sway you one way or the other.
You're careless with your life.
You're not slitting your wrists, but you're careless.
Probably because your mother told you you were a waste of space.
The problem is you believed her.
If you don't watch out, one of these days you're gonna die because of it.
Hand me my chart.
Now! And don't ever talk about my mother again.
- [Erica.]
What the hell is? - [Beeping.]
There's a leak.
Go back on bypass now! [Richard.]
Take clamps off the aortic and venous lines.
- [Bailey.]
Grey, take the suction.
- The left atrium is torn where that clot was adhered.
Metzenbaum scissors! [exhales.]
This was a mistake.
It was irresponsible and stupid, and I cannot believe I let you talk me into it! My reputation's gonna be in the toilet at the end.
Dan Slocum at Mercy is gonna have a field day with this, - condescending tool that he is.
- Erica.
Don't "Erica" me, Richard.
It's not your good name we're gonna destroy, - much as I wish that it was.
- Dr.
Hahn, it's done.
No leak.
The repair's holding.
- You were saying? - [Chuckles.]
[# The National: About Today.]
[Greta.]
Is that clock right? I'm sure it is.
Maybe his plane was delayed.
His phone is off.
Maybe his phone is off because he's still on the plane.
He's coming! [Sobbing.]
Here.
- My head did this? - No.
Your tumor did this.
He was never there? Oh, God.
[Sobs.]
Oh, God! How can he not be real? I'm sorry.
[Groans.]
[Crying loudly.]
[Greta.]
Oh, God! [Babbling.]
Hey, there, baby boy! You managed to make it through the day? Our son has been punching other children.
- Yeah, I know.
- What do you mean, you know? It's happened before.
I'm dealing with it.
Wait.
I had to bribe the director of the daycare center to get him back in.
I had to bring apple slices and give free mammograms to the teachers.
Now, why aren't you telling me what's happening? I don't judge how you do surgery, don't judge how I deal with the baby.
You didn't deal.
He's punching other children! Of course he's punching! He used to be with me all day.
Now, he's in day care so he spends ten minutes with you every three hours.
- So that's making him violent? - [Knocking.]
Hey, Tuck! Hey! Can I take him to say hi for a minute? - Uh Yeah, sure, sure.
- Want to play with the office supplies? Look, if you can't communicate well enough to tell me Don't lecture me, Miranda Bailey.
I'm not one of your students.
With all the time you spend here, it's hard to differentiate.
No, I spend my time here because I'm building a life for us! I spend time here because I don't have the luxury of being able to take a year off and spend it with our child, knowing my career's waiting for me when I'm ready to go back! Luxury? So you think spending all day every day wiping noses and changing diapers is a luxury? No, I think it's a beautiful thing that you get to do.
- You take it for granted! - Take it for granted? - Yes! - I take our family for granted? - I did not say - You did say! - You did say! - I work because we - You love your work! - And I love my family, too! It is going to be OK.
Uncle George says it is going to be OK.
[Beeps.]
[Rebecca.]
This happened when I was a kid.
I'd get a strep test, - it'd come back negative.
- Look.
OK, that's your uterus.
There is nothing in there.
No fetus, no sac.
Nothing.
But it's too early.
It's tiny, you can't see anything yet.
- What the hell are you doing? - I paged you 20 minutes ago.
[Sighs.]
Rebecca, look.
OK? This is a fetus at six weeks.
Right? It's a tiny spot, but it's there, you can see it.
Look at your uterus, there's nothing there.
Nothing.
Get out.
Here are her labs.
There's a chart note from Dr.
Sloan.
- I can get a psych consult if you want.
- Look, just get out! What? There's no baby.
- I lost the baby? - No, you weren't pregnant.
If you had been pregnant, your beta-HCG level would be elevated.
It's zero.
You didn't miscarry, there never was a baby.
I can't believe I lost our baby.
Rebecca.
You're not hearing me.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so I'm so sorry I lost our baby.
[Whimpers.]
Shh.
It's OK.
You're gonna be OK, all right? Remember, we need to stay in synch.
Ready? Go.
Good.
Easy, slow, slow down.
- Right there, right there.
Good.
- [Beeping.]
Pressure's rising, she's getting bradycardic.
So let's push one gram per kilo of Mannitol, 20 Lasix, see if we can avoid increased ICP.
Is there a problem, Dr.
Grey? Andre's here.
You run everywhere, or is it just you're scared of me? - I'm trying to stay on top of things.
- You're doing a fine job.
It's very impressive work.
Sir, if you would mention to the chief you like my work? I was held back as an intern.
There was some personal stuff.
I'm good.
And if you would say something to him Webber would not have made that decision lightly.
Learning is like healing.
It happens over time.
Listen.
Keep running.
But not because you want to cut corners, - because it makes you a better doctor.
- [Door opens.]
- You're not supposed to be talking.
- O'Leary and I were just marveling at the fact that you haven't killed me yet.
Well, there's always tomorrow.
Check his post-op echo, make sure there's no residual prolapse.
Yes, sir.
[Door opens.]
[Door closes.]
[# Bon Iver: The Wolves.]
[Sighs.]
- Are you OK? - Don't ask me if I'm OK.
- OK.
- [Grunts.]
You make me sick.
Have some fire.
Be unstoppable.
Be a force of nature.
Be better than anyone here and don't give a damn what anyone thinks.
There are no teams here.
No buddies.
You're on your own.
Be on your own.
Dr.
Yang, I just scrubbed in on Walter Tapley's double valve replacement.
I watched Dr.
Hahn excise a piece of his pericardium from three inches away.
That's what I got to do while you made notes in charts.
So whatever crap you want to rain down on my head, go for it.
Because I just saw the inside of Walter Tapley's heart, and that is something you will never take away from me.
Yeah.
OK.
OK then.
Hey, Tuck! Here's Tapley's file.
The new labs are in there.
- Just put it on the pile.
- Tucker didn't take him? I wanted the evening with him.
You guys get to the bottom of anything? [Tuck babbles.]
Why don't I take Tuck for a couple hours? You can go talk to him.
Go fight.
You're not gonna fix anything in one day, but you can go on and keep trying.
What are you doing? I need clothes.
She's staying with me.
She didn't bring enough stuff.
- Did you call her husband? - She doesn't want to.
Did you get a psych consult? Alex, she had a hysterical pregnancy.
Sloan thinks she may have a stress She's fine, OK? I can handle it.
I'm gonna take care of her.
Just give me some damn girl clothes.
[Whispers.]
Put your arms up a little bit.
There you go.
Tomorrow's board and Dr.
Tapley's echo.
Hahn is seeing him now.
What are you doing with Bailey's child? Dr.
Bailey and I are in love.
I'll be heading to Vegas with her as soon as my divorce is final.
We need to write Adele again.
She replied to my e-mail, but all she sent was a typo.
She's no better at this than I am.
- That's not a typo, that's a wink.
- A semi-colon and a closed parentheses? Turn it sideways.
- What the hell does this mean? - She's flirting.
Oh! - Oh, that's good! - Yeah.
O'Malley.
Good work today.
You know what that was? That was the "attaboy.
" This may have been the most exhausting day of my life, my back is killing me, no offense, and I haven't seen the inside of an OR in I don't know how long, but I got the attaboy.
I'm turning it around.
And you're gonna get the punching under control, right? You and me.
Boy, it takes us a while, but we get there.
We reached the tumor.
But there was swelling in Greta's brain.
We did an MRI, and it suggested that the swelling in her brain caused a great deal of damage.
It doesn't look like she's gonna wake up.
Mr.
Barret, we're so sorry.
We should have waited.
We didn't think I didn't think you were coming.
The whole story just sounded so incredible.
She told you about the shoe, right? It makes us both sound crazy.
I could never get that image out of my head her running up the gangplank with one shoe.
Wind in her hair.
Most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
She might wake up, right? I mean, it's been a fairy tale from the start.
They always wake up.
[# Joshua Radin: Sky.]
[Meredith.]
Don't wonder why people go crazy.
- Wonder why they don't.
- [Sobbing.]
In the face of all we can lose in a day in an instant wonder what the hell it is that makes us hold it together.
[Groans.]
[Elevator dings.]
Ladies.
He's thinking about a threesome.
- I am not.
- You are.
He has been all day.
OK, fine.
I got a new leaf, not a lobotomy.
You couldn't handle the two of us.
Oh, but I could.
I won't, but I could.
You wouldn't find it intimidating? Not at all.
[Scoffs.]
[Elevator dings.]
See? Too much for you.
Damn it! On-call room, right now.
Rose.
- You want go have dinner? - No, I'm sorry.
I can't.
- Oh, come on.
- Derek.
We spent a night together and you vanished.
I wish I was secure enough to handle that without a bruised ego and sugar, - but I'm not.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- Can't we just make this easier? - [Scoffs.]
I don't Look, I don't want See, I've done complicated.
I don't want to do that again.
Can't this just be easy? Fun? We don't need that fairy tale thing right now.
We just need a little happy.
Hm? [Door opens.]
[Door closes.]
[Sighs.]
[Breathes deeply.]
[Exhales.]
[Sniffs.]
[Exhales.]
My mother tried to kill herself when I was a kid.
After the love of her life disappeared.
I never told anybody that before.
- [Sniffs.]
- OK.
So you think I'm broken? Fix me.
Because I'm no quitter.
Let's go.
[Sirens wailing.]