Grown-ish (2018) s02e05 Episode Script
Girls Like You
1 I do my hair toss, check my nails Baby, how you feelin'? Feeling good as hell Hair toss, check my nails Baby, how you feelin'? Feeling good as hell - Whoo, child - ZOEY: When you're living with your best friends for the first time, it's everything you could've hoped for and more.
Every night is like a stony, snack-filled sleepover with your crew.
You also end up learning about your friends' domestic habits.
I do my hair toss, check my nails Will you look at this and tell me if the color's too dark?! Feeling good as hell Hair toss, check my nails Baby, how you feelin'? Feeling good as hell Feeling good as hell Baby, how you feelin'? Feeling good as hell Whoo, girl, need to kick off your shoes Gotta take a deep breath, time to focus on you - Mm.
- All the big fights, long nights That you been through I got a bottle of tequila - I been saving for you - Ugh.
But things can get kind of awkward when it comes to your friend' bigger issues.
- [LAUGHTER AND MOANING.]
- And do your hair toss Check your nails Baby, how you feelin'? Feeling good as hell Hair toss, check my nails Baby, how you feelin'? Feeling good as hell Hair toss, check my nails Baby, how you feelin'? Feeling good as hell ZOEY: I knew Nomi was a player, but this is next-level.
Is homegirl starting a cult? Feeling good as hell Baby, how you feelin'? Feeling good as hell We need to talk.
Watch out, world, I'm grown now I'm grown Learn something new every day I don't know, so I'm-a feel my way Got the weight of the world on me But no regrets, this is what I say Watch out, world, I'm grown now I'm grown You can tell me My heart beating so loud Mama, look, I'm grown now I'm grown Is this about the Crispy Wheats? How do you get nine cents per wheat? Because it feels so high.
It's so worth it, though, because it's like a combination - of gluten and magic.
- Mm-hmm.
No, this is about the, um, morning and nightly and sometimes midafternoon slut walks - happening in our apartment.
- Oh.
Mm.
Whoa, there.
Let's Let's not start calling each other sluts.
No, no, no, it's okay, Zoey.
Women are taking back "slut.
" You're a slut, you're a slut, I'm a slut.
We can all be sluts.
I meant slut in the way you would want me to take it back.
- Noted.
- Okay.
Look, we're just having a-a volume issue and a volume issue.
- Girl, you smash too loud.
- Just a little too loud.
Oh.
Look, we're not mad at you, right? - I'm not mad at you.
- Okay.
It's just, having these bodies roam the halls every night is starting to throw off the vibe and the energy of our apartment.
Yeah, but Luca's literally here every day and night.
But, like, Luca doesn't really inconvenience you.
He doesn't eat our food, he doesn't use your shampoo, and, plus, he's a very quiet lover.
And, Nomi, this week alone, there's been like, what, - eight different women in here? - Eight.
- Was it eight? - I mean, geez, I thought lesbians, like, eloped to Portland after the first date.
Okay.
You need to update your lesbian stereotypes.
Also, reminder, I'm bisexual.
And those women weren't even lesbians.
They're straight.
- Huh.
- They're straight? H-How How does that even work? I mean, pretty easily.
Women in college all want to explore, and I provide a first-class quality experience.
I'm discrete, I take the lead, and they have an amazing time.
And the best part is, I get to forget them and they never, like, ever forget me.
You're a monster.
ZOEY: Well, I I think that the s-services you're providing are great.
You're like the Ritz-Carlton of the lesbian experience.
- I like that.
- But, you know, if you could go over to their place a few nights in the week, that would be much appreciated.
Sure.
Done.
[SCOFFS.]
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Starting tomorrow.
- [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- Okay.
- Totally.
Making progress.
Yo, Torres.
What's up with that petty-ass Venmo request for pizza toppings from the other night? Oh, I'd never put pineapple on pizza, - so I'm not gonna pay for it.
- Oh.
So, not only are you cheap, you have a deprived palate? Oh, please do not do that thing that people do when you haven't tried something and they overreact.
- I'm not gonna do that, okay? - Thank you.
I was just gonna say that I cannot believe you've never had pineapple on pizza.
- It's like you've not lived yet.
- I'm living right now, and my life is totally fine without hot fruit in it.
Okay, well, I feel sad for you, honestly.
You want a ride? No, no.
I don't do scooters.
They're the pineapple pizza of transportation.
What? The [SIGHS.]
Oh, man.
Wow.
Fix your life, girl.
Please.
- Okay.
- Whoa.
- [SCOOTER POWERS DOWN.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
- It's not funny.
I'm gonna be late for class.
- Can I just - Fix your life! [RAP HORN BLARES.]
Yeah ANNOUNCER: Twerk Burger.
What that mouth do? - Huh? - Oh, my God.
Damn, I can go for a Twerk Burger right now.
Mm.
They got that Twerky sauce.
Look, it's hard to deny the goodness that is the Double D meal at Twerk Burger, but as a civilized society, we have to agree that this commercial is pandering trash But what that mouth do? aimed at the lowest common denominator.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Sorry.
And with that, I will see you all next class.
- [SIGHS.]
- I don't know, guys.
Is it pandering? Or is it a company knowing its audience? Horny 19-year-olds, wildly attractive young men who, for whatever reason, can't find love with a woman, but can always find it between the patties of a Twerk Burger.
- Ain't that right, ma? - Bitch, I will slap you.
Okay, the point is that, it's just patriarchal, toxic, male fantasy crap.
Says the biggest misogynist in the room.
I'm a woman.
I can't be a misogynist.
- Hey, Professor Hewson? - Yeah? Hi.
Quick question.
Can a woman be a misogynist? Well, I guess if she's actively working against her own gender.
But, uh, I don't know, I'd have to have context.
Well, how about a woman that's running through ladies like she's a fourth member of Migos? Well, that wasn't me looking for context.
Um, but I-I think that it has less to do with the amount of women and more about why she's running through them like the Migos.
But, you know, you have to unpack the motivation a bit.
Anyway, you all know my office hours.
Don't feel like you have to use them.
I'm not a misogynist.
ZOEY: Yeah, of course you're not, because a misogynist, by definition, hates women, and Nomi does nothing but love women loudly and repetitively in our apartment.
- Yes.
- Well, misogynist or not, she's acting like a gross, womanizing, yacht-riding Leo DiCaprio in a wrap skirt.
Hey, I don't see what the big deal is.
Nobody gives guys crap for running through girls.
That's because for dudes, there's nothing really behind it.
- It is what it is.
- It's just fun busting nuts.
Exactly.
Thank you.
It's just fun.
All three of you are monsters.
Especially you.
Esp Why? Because women aren't allowed to enjoy busting nuts? No, it's because you're a woman who's exclusively busting whatever with straight women.
Oh.
Is someone mad 'cause they were too sloppy to remember our drunken kiss last year? - AARON: Huh? - VIVEK: Wait.
They kissed last year? - Yep.
- Nomi, please.
- Wow.
- This is about you presenting yourself as some enlightened feminist when you're turning and burning straight girls like a dude.
Or lovingly appreciating women.
And although they identify as straight, we all know sexuality is a spectrum.
Yo, I hate to side with Ana on this, I really do, but smashing only one type of person is like a dude targeting virgins.
It's low-key problematic.
Actually, it's high-key problematic.
- And predatory.
- NOMI: And pre Okay, so now I'm a misogynistic predator.
You know, screw this.
I'm out of here.
What if we all just agreed to love and respect women equally? #YesAllWomen.
Remember we all went to a march together, wore our hats, made a sign.
It had a pun on it.
- - [DING!.]
Guys, come on.
It's Korean hand mask and weed brownie Thursday.
I'm up for a Korean hand mask.
- No.
- You're right.
[NOTEBOOK SLAMS.]
When I look around now So, my roommates are still fighting, but I'm trying to get back to glitter masks and indica brownies, because between all of the exfoliation and great sleep, I'm glowing.
But now it's time for me to hop into other people's business and fix this.
Well, you don't have to spend your night out with a "predator.
" About that um, I know what Ana said - was upsetting and rude - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
and not to make any sort of excuses for her, but I feel like we should take into consideration the fact that she's never really lived with anyone - who's so radically different from her.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
You know what? I actually didn't come here to talk about this.
I just want to be mad right now and get drunk enough to maybe sucker punch a freshman.
Fair point.
And, well, t-that sounds like a great idea.
Why don't you grab a table, I'll get some drinks, look for an unsuspecting freshman? AARON: [LAUGHS.]
Find a way home.
- JAZZ: Oh! - VIVEK: Heck, yeah.
Here we go.
- Thank you, sir.
- Really, Aaron? - Really? - Come on, look, you've had a tough day.
Let me make your life better, - please.
- Uh, you can make it better by keeping that contradiction away from me.
- Will you just try it? - No.
Look, I know you like trying new stuff.
Like, uh, when you sucked homegirl's face.
- Hey-o! - Oh! - Wow! - Yeah.
Wait, wait.
What was that about? Are you out here Janelle Monáe-ing in these streets? - Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my gosh, you guys.
It was one time, I was really drunk, and I'd never done it before, so I was like, "Why not?" - Sure.
- Girl, your "Never Have I Ever" list is long and sad: never skinny-dipped, never worn a turtleneck, never seen a doctor who's not your pediatrician.
- Never worn a turtleneck? - What? You know what? Don't sit here acting like I'm the only one that hasn't done stuff.
This one over here has never shotgunned a beer.
- That's true.
That's weird.
- I've never You haven't done that yet.
And that's mostly embarrassing, because you've actually been in college a year longer than all of us have.
- Right? - That's so true! I forgot! - Whatever.
- Ohh! I've never gotten white-girl wasted.
- What?! - What?! - Really? - No, you haven't.
I never let the haters get to me.
Mm! - All right.
- Well, maybe you should.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Yeah.
Okay, wait, wait.
So, that's what we're gonna do tonight, guys.
We are all gonna do something we have never done before.
Yeah? - [GASPS.]
Okay.
- Yep.
Cheers to that.
- Cheers to that! - Cheers to that! I'm in! - Yeah, yeah, yeah, get in! - It'll be fun.
It'll be fun.
All right, Torres, you're up first.
- No, that's not fun.
- What that mouth do? - VIVEK: It'll be fun.
- Come on.
- [SQUEALS.]
- Ew.
- Yay! - Delicious.
Oh, I know I know that you know, I Oh, hey, Zoey? This is Angela.
She got stood up by some dumb Tinder guy.
I should've known better.
His profile said he's CEO of "Me Industries.
" Oof.
Well, dumb Tinder guy messed up, because you are killing it in that blue sweater.
Thank you.
It's actually "cerulean.
" And anytime I wear it, I feel like Anne Hathaway in "The Devil Wears Prada"? [LAUGHS.]
Yes! Oh, my God.
That is one of my favorite movies ever.
Yeah, because it's cinematic perfection.
[LAUGHTER.]
I personally like "Princess Diaries" as my favorite Anne Hathaway movie.
At my shoulder While I sat there sipping my second Midori Sour, feeling like the third wheel, I watched Nomi in action.
They help you pretend That they on your team Friends for life Her small talk wasn't like the small talk guys do with girl.
She connected with them in a way only a woman could.
Oh, my God.
I dated a dude just like that.
Like, total gas-lighting dick.
- Thank you.
- Mnh-mnh.
- He made me feel like I was crazy.
- No.
She was insightful, practically psychic, funny, and charismatic.
[LAUGHS.]
She had that thing that makes you feel like you're the only person she wants to be with.
If I don't face my fears, if I don't But I knew the truth.
This wasn't the only person she wanted to be with, which is what made Nomi's superpower so dangerous.
- And I feel like Oh.
- Hey, sorry to interrupt Um, but I think I'm gonna head out.
- You coming with? - No, you're good, you're good.
Anyway, I was - Sometimes when it feels like - [SIGHS.]
So, this is what she meant by sucker punching a freshman.
Hmm.
ANALISA: 3, 2, 1, go! Oh, my God! - Ain't nobody finna run out - Mmm.
- Ew! - Oh! They can see we on the come up [ALL TALKING.]
We need to get it crackin', nut up But if you ain't about the money, needa shut up Ain't got time for books We only thumbing through these racks Ugh, gettin' stupid rich, we going dumb with every stack - Whoo! - What'd it feel like? Baby, I might compare you To a kiss from a rose on the gray Ooh, the more I get of you, the stranger it feels, yeah Yeah As I struggle to eat my Double Twerky with cheese while wearing Korean hand masks, anticipating an exciting evening of experimenting with my new Fenty highlighters, I was trying not to be too judgmental about Nomi's behavior.
But seeing her in action, I found myself definitely drifting into the judgy territory.
Hey, Nomi? Can we talk for a second? - Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
- Thank you.
Just I'll be right back.
What's up? So, it seems like you and Angela really hit it off.
Oh, yeah, we did.
She's, um She's a Capricorn but like a Scorpio rising, so, uh [INHALES SHARPLY.]
I'm in for a wild night.
Okay.
But what about after that? In for a wild tomorrow? Dude, are you, like, on some Ana bullshit or something? No, it just feels like you draw these women in, because you obviously know how they think and feel.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Well, that's kind of the point.
Right.
But it feels unfair, like you have some sort of cheat codes or something.
So? What, are you you faulting me 'cause I have, like, better game than a dude, or ? No, G I'm for sure not faulting you for that.
So, that girl's only in my room 'cause she wants to be in my room.
All right, great.
Well, then, if that's the case, why don't you go in there and tell her that you're gonna ghost her tomorrow? - [DOOR CLOSES.]
- Dumb Tinder guy just texted me.
- Uh-huh.
- Apparently, his deejay class got out late.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, it could take a while to learn how to push buttons and yell, - "You already know what it is!" - [LAUGHS.]
So I'm stacking bands so my pants full Um I wanna be up front with you.
I'm not really looking for anything serious.
And, uh, the chances of me calling you tomorrow, or ever, are slim.
All these All these frauds, bro Uh [LAUGHS.]
Sounds good to me.
It's not like I was looking to take you home to Mom and Dad or anything.
Yeah.
Right.
[LAUGHS.]
It's been the best night of my life.
I didn't know my voice had the ability - to capture an audience like that.
- Yeah, man.
- I know.
- See? Felt like I was being held captive.
That's funny.
- Good night! - See you guys.
Night, dude.
[HUMMING.]
Still haven't ridden one of those things.
Well, then, our work here isn't done.
- Come on.
- Okay.
Okay, hold on.
All right.
[SQUEALS.]
It is not that fast, yo.
Safe and sound.
Thank you.
[IMITATES BRAKES SQUEALING.]
Thanks for the ride.
No prob.
Vivek wasn't wrong.
This - This was a pretty great night.
- Yeah.
And I suppose the pineapple was okay, too.
- Oh, just okay? - Whatever, dude.
- You ate nine pieces.
- Okay, then, I guess I'm not always right about everything.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I, uh, better head out.
Okay.
I'm gonna Venmo request you about this ride, too.
- Don't think I'm not.
- Hey, what's fair is fair.
- All right, good night.
- Good night.
- [SCOOTER POWERS DOWN.]
- What the hell? [CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
- Now, it's a perfect night.
- How did the thing just stop? You probably just turned it on wrong.
- Oh, so now you're an expert? - Yeah.
You know, there's one more thing I haven't done before.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
What's that? [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Come on in.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I took your advice.
Yeah, I was honest with her.
And? She was still down to hook up.
Well, that that's good.
Yeah, I guess.
I mean, until she said she had no plans of taking me home to her mom and dad.
But that's what you wanted, right? Yeah.
I think so.
[SIGHS.]
I don't know.
I did, until she said that, and then it just, like it kind of messed me up.
So, you telling me you caught real feelings for this girl, - by any chance? - No.
No, I did not catch feeling for her.
I just I think that, it's, like, when she said to me what I've been saying to all these other girls suddenly, everything felt really, um, wrong.
- Yeah.
- So, now what? - As much as I wished I did - Um I didn't have any answers for Nomi, so I just listened.
And the next day, Nomi decided to sit down with someone who could help her a little better than I could.
Well, hooking up with a bunch of girls doesn't sound like compulsive behavior.
Sounds like college.
Okay, but as a gender studies professor, what would you say about a girl who only hooks up with straight girls? Hmm.
I would say, let's cut right through the bullshit and talk gay woman to bi-woman.
- How did you know that? - I have good bi-dar.
Now, look, I went through a straight girl phase.
Mm-hmm.
And for me, it was about safety.
Mm-hmm.
'Cause there was no chance of anything ever getting serious.
Yes.
No, exactly.
It's like, there's no relationship, so there's no feelings, there's no bringing them back home at Thanksgiving and be like, "Hey, Mom and Dad, here's my new girlfriend.
" You know, and then they, like, spit Manischewitz all over the table and So, then I take it your parents are not okay with you being bi? Um the truth is, they don't know.
That's, um That's the problem, isn't it? - I'm not a therapist.
- Mm-hmm.
But it made my life easier when I started living openly and honestly.
Hmm.
So, maybe you start there and just see how the rest of the stuff falls into place.
Yeah.
ROSS: Okay, here's your bravery test.
Well, maybe not too big today.
How about just a little tree that lives right here? Hey.
- [CHUCKLES.]
You look happier.
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
Yeah, it was cool.
I mean, it was, like, great to talk to somebody who kind of gets it, you know? - Yeah, you know, I'm so proud of you.
- Thank you.
Yeah, I think I'm gonna go back and keep talking to her - and make her, like, a Migos playlist.
- Hmm.
Quality.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hmm? Oh.
I'm sorry I judged your choices.
Apparently, I'm not always right about everything.
ZOEY: So, while it was obvious that there was work to do to get through the bigger issue, those bigger issues helped put the smaller ones into perspective.
Okay, be honest.
This dude, if he had corn rows, would you hit it? - Yeah.
- Yeah, right? - The dude's soothing, so - Why? Do you know him? Do I know Bob Ross? No, I mean I No, I don't.
Sorry.
No, no, there's no way No, no, no, no way I'm living without you - I'm not living without you - What the ? Did you guys know they could do this? Dude, I don't even think I've heard Sky speak before.
I don't wanna be free Yeah I'm staying, I'm staying And you and you and you Oh, my God.
We can't.
It's so embarrassing.
Oh, God.
Okay.
Every night is like a stony, snack-filled sleepover with your crew.
You also end up learning about your friends' domestic habits.
I do my hair toss, check my nails Will you look at this and tell me if the color's too dark?! Feeling good as hell Hair toss, check my nails Baby, how you feelin'? Feeling good as hell Feeling good as hell Baby, how you feelin'? Feeling good as hell Whoo, girl, need to kick off your shoes Gotta take a deep breath, time to focus on you - Mm.
- All the big fights, long nights That you been through I got a bottle of tequila - I been saving for you - Ugh.
But things can get kind of awkward when it comes to your friend' bigger issues.
- [LAUGHTER AND MOANING.]
- And do your hair toss Check your nails Baby, how you feelin'? Feeling good as hell Hair toss, check my nails Baby, how you feelin'? Feeling good as hell Hair toss, check my nails Baby, how you feelin'? Feeling good as hell ZOEY: I knew Nomi was a player, but this is next-level.
Is homegirl starting a cult? Feeling good as hell Baby, how you feelin'? Feeling good as hell We need to talk.
Watch out, world, I'm grown now I'm grown Learn something new every day I don't know, so I'm-a feel my way Got the weight of the world on me But no regrets, this is what I say Watch out, world, I'm grown now I'm grown You can tell me My heart beating so loud Mama, look, I'm grown now I'm grown Is this about the Crispy Wheats? How do you get nine cents per wheat? Because it feels so high.
It's so worth it, though, because it's like a combination - of gluten and magic.
- Mm-hmm.
No, this is about the, um, morning and nightly and sometimes midafternoon slut walks - happening in our apartment.
- Oh.
Mm.
Whoa, there.
Let's Let's not start calling each other sluts.
No, no, no, it's okay, Zoey.
Women are taking back "slut.
" You're a slut, you're a slut, I'm a slut.
We can all be sluts.
I meant slut in the way you would want me to take it back.
- Noted.
- Okay.
Look, we're just having a-a volume issue and a volume issue.
- Girl, you smash too loud.
- Just a little too loud.
Oh.
Look, we're not mad at you, right? - I'm not mad at you.
- Okay.
It's just, having these bodies roam the halls every night is starting to throw off the vibe and the energy of our apartment.
Yeah, but Luca's literally here every day and night.
But, like, Luca doesn't really inconvenience you.
He doesn't eat our food, he doesn't use your shampoo, and, plus, he's a very quiet lover.
And, Nomi, this week alone, there's been like, what, - eight different women in here? - Eight.
- Was it eight? - I mean, geez, I thought lesbians, like, eloped to Portland after the first date.
Okay.
You need to update your lesbian stereotypes.
Also, reminder, I'm bisexual.
And those women weren't even lesbians.
They're straight.
- Huh.
- They're straight? H-How How does that even work? I mean, pretty easily.
Women in college all want to explore, and I provide a first-class quality experience.
I'm discrete, I take the lead, and they have an amazing time.
And the best part is, I get to forget them and they never, like, ever forget me.
You're a monster.
ZOEY: Well, I I think that the s-services you're providing are great.
You're like the Ritz-Carlton of the lesbian experience.
- I like that.
- But, you know, if you could go over to their place a few nights in the week, that would be much appreciated.
Sure.
Done.
[SCOFFS.]
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Starting tomorrow.
- [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- Okay.
- Totally.
Making progress.
Yo, Torres.
What's up with that petty-ass Venmo request for pizza toppings from the other night? Oh, I'd never put pineapple on pizza, - so I'm not gonna pay for it.
- Oh.
So, not only are you cheap, you have a deprived palate? Oh, please do not do that thing that people do when you haven't tried something and they overreact.
- I'm not gonna do that, okay? - Thank you.
I was just gonna say that I cannot believe you've never had pineapple on pizza.
- It's like you've not lived yet.
- I'm living right now, and my life is totally fine without hot fruit in it.
Okay, well, I feel sad for you, honestly.
You want a ride? No, no.
I don't do scooters.
They're the pineapple pizza of transportation.
What? The [SIGHS.]
Oh, man.
Wow.
Fix your life, girl.
Please.
- Okay.
- Whoa.
- [SCOOTER POWERS DOWN.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
- It's not funny.
I'm gonna be late for class.
- Can I just - Fix your life! [RAP HORN BLARES.]
Yeah ANNOUNCER: Twerk Burger.
What that mouth do? - Huh? - Oh, my God.
Damn, I can go for a Twerk Burger right now.
Mm.
They got that Twerky sauce.
Look, it's hard to deny the goodness that is the Double D meal at Twerk Burger, but as a civilized society, we have to agree that this commercial is pandering trash But what that mouth do? aimed at the lowest common denominator.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Sorry.
And with that, I will see you all next class.
- [SIGHS.]
- I don't know, guys.
Is it pandering? Or is it a company knowing its audience? Horny 19-year-olds, wildly attractive young men who, for whatever reason, can't find love with a woman, but can always find it between the patties of a Twerk Burger.
- Ain't that right, ma? - Bitch, I will slap you.
Okay, the point is that, it's just patriarchal, toxic, male fantasy crap.
Says the biggest misogynist in the room.
I'm a woman.
I can't be a misogynist.
- Hey, Professor Hewson? - Yeah? Hi.
Quick question.
Can a woman be a misogynist? Well, I guess if she's actively working against her own gender.
But, uh, I don't know, I'd have to have context.
Well, how about a woman that's running through ladies like she's a fourth member of Migos? Well, that wasn't me looking for context.
Um, but I-I think that it has less to do with the amount of women and more about why she's running through them like the Migos.
But, you know, you have to unpack the motivation a bit.
Anyway, you all know my office hours.
Don't feel like you have to use them.
I'm not a misogynist.
ZOEY: Yeah, of course you're not, because a misogynist, by definition, hates women, and Nomi does nothing but love women loudly and repetitively in our apartment.
- Yes.
- Well, misogynist or not, she's acting like a gross, womanizing, yacht-riding Leo DiCaprio in a wrap skirt.
Hey, I don't see what the big deal is.
Nobody gives guys crap for running through girls.
That's because for dudes, there's nothing really behind it.
- It is what it is.
- It's just fun busting nuts.
Exactly.
Thank you.
It's just fun.
All three of you are monsters.
Especially you.
Esp Why? Because women aren't allowed to enjoy busting nuts? No, it's because you're a woman who's exclusively busting whatever with straight women.
Oh.
Is someone mad 'cause they were too sloppy to remember our drunken kiss last year? - AARON: Huh? - VIVEK: Wait.
They kissed last year? - Yep.
- Nomi, please.
- Wow.
- This is about you presenting yourself as some enlightened feminist when you're turning and burning straight girls like a dude.
Or lovingly appreciating women.
And although they identify as straight, we all know sexuality is a spectrum.
Yo, I hate to side with Ana on this, I really do, but smashing only one type of person is like a dude targeting virgins.
It's low-key problematic.
Actually, it's high-key problematic.
- And predatory.
- NOMI: And pre Okay, so now I'm a misogynistic predator.
You know, screw this.
I'm out of here.
What if we all just agreed to love and respect women equally? #YesAllWomen.
Remember we all went to a march together, wore our hats, made a sign.
It had a pun on it.
- - [DING!.]
Guys, come on.
It's Korean hand mask and weed brownie Thursday.
I'm up for a Korean hand mask.
- No.
- You're right.
[NOTEBOOK SLAMS.]
When I look around now So, my roommates are still fighting, but I'm trying to get back to glitter masks and indica brownies, because between all of the exfoliation and great sleep, I'm glowing.
But now it's time for me to hop into other people's business and fix this.
Well, you don't have to spend your night out with a "predator.
" About that um, I know what Ana said - was upsetting and rude - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
and not to make any sort of excuses for her, but I feel like we should take into consideration the fact that she's never really lived with anyone - who's so radically different from her.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
You know what? I actually didn't come here to talk about this.
I just want to be mad right now and get drunk enough to maybe sucker punch a freshman.
Fair point.
And, well, t-that sounds like a great idea.
Why don't you grab a table, I'll get some drinks, look for an unsuspecting freshman? AARON: [LAUGHS.]
Find a way home.
- JAZZ: Oh! - VIVEK: Heck, yeah.
Here we go.
- Thank you, sir.
- Really, Aaron? - Really? - Come on, look, you've had a tough day.
Let me make your life better, - please.
- Uh, you can make it better by keeping that contradiction away from me.
- Will you just try it? - No.
Look, I know you like trying new stuff.
Like, uh, when you sucked homegirl's face.
- Hey-o! - Oh! - Wow! - Yeah.
Wait, wait.
What was that about? Are you out here Janelle Monáe-ing in these streets? - Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my gosh, you guys.
It was one time, I was really drunk, and I'd never done it before, so I was like, "Why not?" - Sure.
- Girl, your "Never Have I Ever" list is long and sad: never skinny-dipped, never worn a turtleneck, never seen a doctor who's not your pediatrician.
- Never worn a turtleneck? - What? You know what? Don't sit here acting like I'm the only one that hasn't done stuff.
This one over here has never shotgunned a beer.
- That's true.
That's weird.
- I've never You haven't done that yet.
And that's mostly embarrassing, because you've actually been in college a year longer than all of us have.
- Right? - That's so true! I forgot! - Whatever.
- Ohh! I've never gotten white-girl wasted.
- What?! - What?! - Really? - No, you haven't.
I never let the haters get to me.
Mm! - All right.
- Well, maybe you should.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Yeah.
Okay, wait, wait.
So, that's what we're gonna do tonight, guys.
We are all gonna do something we have never done before.
Yeah? - [GASPS.]
Okay.
- Yep.
Cheers to that.
- Cheers to that! - Cheers to that! I'm in! - Yeah, yeah, yeah, get in! - It'll be fun.
It'll be fun.
All right, Torres, you're up first.
- No, that's not fun.
- What that mouth do? - VIVEK: It'll be fun.
- Come on.
- [SQUEALS.]
- Ew.
- Yay! - Delicious.
Oh, I know I know that you know, I Oh, hey, Zoey? This is Angela.
She got stood up by some dumb Tinder guy.
I should've known better.
His profile said he's CEO of "Me Industries.
" Oof.
Well, dumb Tinder guy messed up, because you are killing it in that blue sweater.
Thank you.
It's actually "cerulean.
" And anytime I wear it, I feel like Anne Hathaway in "The Devil Wears Prada"? [LAUGHS.]
Yes! Oh, my God.
That is one of my favorite movies ever.
Yeah, because it's cinematic perfection.
[LAUGHTER.]
I personally like "Princess Diaries" as my favorite Anne Hathaway movie.
At my shoulder While I sat there sipping my second Midori Sour, feeling like the third wheel, I watched Nomi in action.
They help you pretend That they on your team Friends for life Her small talk wasn't like the small talk guys do with girl.
She connected with them in a way only a woman could.
Oh, my God.
I dated a dude just like that.
Like, total gas-lighting dick.
- Thank you.
- Mnh-mnh.
- He made me feel like I was crazy.
- No.
She was insightful, practically psychic, funny, and charismatic.
[LAUGHS.]
She had that thing that makes you feel like you're the only person she wants to be with.
If I don't face my fears, if I don't But I knew the truth.
This wasn't the only person she wanted to be with, which is what made Nomi's superpower so dangerous.
- And I feel like Oh.
- Hey, sorry to interrupt Um, but I think I'm gonna head out.
- You coming with? - No, you're good, you're good.
Anyway, I was - Sometimes when it feels like - [SIGHS.]
So, this is what she meant by sucker punching a freshman.
Hmm.
ANALISA: 3, 2, 1, go! Oh, my God! - Ain't nobody finna run out - Mmm.
- Ew! - Oh! They can see we on the come up [ALL TALKING.]
We need to get it crackin', nut up But if you ain't about the money, needa shut up Ain't got time for books We only thumbing through these racks Ugh, gettin' stupid rich, we going dumb with every stack - Whoo! - What'd it feel like? Baby, I might compare you To a kiss from a rose on the gray Ooh, the more I get of you, the stranger it feels, yeah Yeah As I struggle to eat my Double Twerky with cheese while wearing Korean hand masks, anticipating an exciting evening of experimenting with my new Fenty highlighters, I was trying not to be too judgmental about Nomi's behavior.
But seeing her in action, I found myself definitely drifting into the judgy territory.
Hey, Nomi? Can we talk for a second? - Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
- Thank you.
Just I'll be right back.
What's up? So, it seems like you and Angela really hit it off.
Oh, yeah, we did.
She's, um She's a Capricorn but like a Scorpio rising, so, uh [INHALES SHARPLY.]
I'm in for a wild night.
Okay.
But what about after that? In for a wild tomorrow? Dude, are you, like, on some Ana bullshit or something? No, it just feels like you draw these women in, because you obviously know how they think and feel.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Well, that's kind of the point.
Right.
But it feels unfair, like you have some sort of cheat codes or something.
So? What, are you you faulting me 'cause I have, like, better game than a dude, or ? No, G I'm for sure not faulting you for that.
So, that girl's only in my room 'cause she wants to be in my room.
All right, great.
Well, then, if that's the case, why don't you go in there and tell her that you're gonna ghost her tomorrow? - [DOOR CLOSES.]
- Dumb Tinder guy just texted me.
- Uh-huh.
- Apparently, his deejay class got out late.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, it could take a while to learn how to push buttons and yell, - "You already know what it is!" - [LAUGHS.]
So I'm stacking bands so my pants full Um I wanna be up front with you.
I'm not really looking for anything serious.
And, uh, the chances of me calling you tomorrow, or ever, are slim.
All these All these frauds, bro Uh [LAUGHS.]
Sounds good to me.
It's not like I was looking to take you home to Mom and Dad or anything.
Yeah.
Right.
[LAUGHS.]
It's been the best night of my life.
I didn't know my voice had the ability - to capture an audience like that.
- Yeah, man.
- I know.
- See? Felt like I was being held captive.
That's funny.
- Good night! - See you guys.
Night, dude.
[HUMMING.]
Still haven't ridden one of those things.
Well, then, our work here isn't done.
- Come on.
- Okay.
Okay, hold on.
All right.
[SQUEALS.]
It is not that fast, yo.
Safe and sound.
Thank you.
[IMITATES BRAKES SQUEALING.]
Thanks for the ride.
No prob.
Vivek wasn't wrong.
This - This was a pretty great night.
- Yeah.
And I suppose the pineapple was okay, too.
- Oh, just okay? - Whatever, dude.
- You ate nine pieces.
- Okay, then, I guess I'm not always right about everything.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I, uh, better head out.
Okay.
I'm gonna Venmo request you about this ride, too.
- Don't think I'm not.
- Hey, what's fair is fair.
- All right, good night.
- Good night.
- [SCOOTER POWERS DOWN.]
- What the hell? [CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
- Now, it's a perfect night.
- How did the thing just stop? You probably just turned it on wrong.
- Oh, so now you're an expert? - Yeah.
You know, there's one more thing I haven't done before.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
What's that? [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Come on in.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I took your advice.
Yeah, I was honest with her.
And? She was still down to hook up.
Well, that that's good.
Yeah, I guess.
I mean, until she said she had no plans of taking me home to her mom and dad.
But that's what you wanted, right? Yeah.
I think so.
[SIGHS.]
I don't know.
I did, until she said that, and then it just, like it kind of messed me up.
So, you telling me you caught real feelings for this girl, - by any chance? - No.
No, I did not catch feeling for her.
I just I think that, it's, like, when she said to me what I've been saying to all these other girls suddenly, everything felt really, um, wrong.
- Yeah.
- So, now what? - As much as I wished I did - Um I didn't have any answers for Nomi, so I just listened.
And the next day, Nomi decided to sit down with someone who could help her a little better than I could.
Well, hooking up with a bunch of girls doesn't sound like compulsive behavior.
Sounds like college.
Okay, but as a gender studies professor, what would you say about a girl who only hooks up with straight girls? Hmm.
I would say, let's cut right through the bullshit and talk gay woman to bi-woman.
- How did you know that? - I have good bi-dar.
Now, look, I went through a straight girl phase.
Mm-hmm.
And for me, it was about safety.
Mm-hmm.
'Cause there was no chance of anything ever getting serious.
Yes.
No, exactly.
It's like, there's no relationship, so there's no feelings, there's no bringing them back home at Thanksgiving and be like, "Hey, Mom and Dad, here's my new girlfriend.
" You know, and then they, like, spit Manischewitz all over the table and So, then I take it your parents are not okay with you being bi? Um the truth is, they don't know.
That's, um That's the problem, isn't it? - I'm not a therapist.
- Mm-hmm.
But it made my life easier when I started living openly and honestly.
Hmm.
So, maybe you start there and just see how the rest of the stuff falls into place.
Yeah.
ROSS: Okay, here's your bravery test.
Well, maybe not too big today.
How about just a little tree that lives right here? Hey.
- [CHUCKLES.]
You look happier.
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
Yeah, it was cool.
I mean, it was, like, great to talk to somebody who kind of gets it, you know? - Yeah, you know, I'm so proud of you.
- Thank you.
Yeah, I think I'm gonna go back and keep talking to her - and make her, like, a Migos playlist.
- Hmm.
Quality.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hmm? Oh.
I'm sorry I judged your choices.
Apparently, I'm not always right about everything.
ZOEY: So, while it was obvious that there was work to do to get through the bigger issue, those bigger issues helped put the smaller ones into perspective.
Okay, be honest.
This dude, if he had corn rows, would you hit it? - Yeah.
- Yeah, right? - The dude's soothing, so - Why? Do you know him? Do I know Bob Ross? No, I mean I No, I don't.
Sorry.
No, no, there's no way No, no, no, no way I'm living without you - I'm not living without you - What the ? Did you guys know they could do this? Dude, I don't even think I've heard Sky speak before.
I don't wanna be free Yeah I'm staying, I'm staying And you and you and you Oh, my God.
We can't.
It's so embarrassing.
Oh, God.
Okay.