Halt and Catch Fire (2014) s04e04 Episode Script
Tonya and Nancy
1 Uh, uh, uh, uh It still feels random.
I searched "Dallas plus Cowboys," I'm sure the first hit is a crappy NFL fan site, but the second site that comes up? Yeah, well, maybe Rover knows you don't give a shit about football? Yeah, I forgot you were an all-American running back at Cal.
Hey, I went to a game once.
I'm just saying, Rover has a relevance problem.
Hey, is Scientology a religion or a cult? Cult.
They obtained non-profit status in October.
With the bad-ass style Straightforward Never mind, I'll figure out where it goes.
These results are mediocre at best.
Final grade for Rover's "genius" search engine C-.
D-.
Is that really necessary? That doesn't sound right.
- Sounds like the, uh, gas line is - I got it! Okay.
Not like I literally grew up in an auto shop or anything.
It's just until the rain stops.
Well, I can't hear myself think.
Listen, if they fix the relevance problem, we could have a competition on our hands.
You know, hit search for, um Is that Rover? We give it a C-.
That bad? You really haven't seen it? No, I really haven't.
Wait, uh Oh, yeah.
I see what you mean.
Even with the basic rules engine, the results are garbage, the crawler's too static.
- Mm.
- Still, the way they grabbed the titles is actually kind of clever.
- Okay, thanks for this - Hey, I'm just gonna check the HTML, it takes one second.
Oh, yeah.
The algorithm's too stupid to know that there are equivalent synonyms for a search phrase, or different spellings.
Like "color, c-o-l-o-r," the English spelling, with a "u.
" Still, I'd give it a B-.
- Pbht! - No, a solid B for concept, but demerits for poor execution.
- Hmm.
- You asked.
- Actually, we didn't.
- No, we didn't.
Neither one of us asked.
This wouldn't be hard to beat, you know? You just have to come up with a more sophisticated algorithm.
That's not really our approach.
People need a curated list, a guide through the disorganized maze of the web not a bunch of impersonal math.
First of all, math is very personal to me.
- Of course.
I just mean that - And second, curation is fine if you guys have 500 websites, or 5000.
But what are you guys gonna do when you have 5 million? How are you gonna guide people through that? We tell you which site is best.
The whole company is built around a human approach.
- Uh, porn alert.
- Yep.
Yep.
Coming.
Following company protocol - and stepping away from the machine.
- Coming.
Coming.
- You're mad.
- I'm not.
I'm not.
I didn't think you wanted to work on this, but if you do, then - I don't.
- Okay.
I'm j I'm just saying that math can't tell a qualitative difference between good and bad.
A computer can't tell me what I want.
Not yet.
Okay.
We have functionality issues.
Users aren't getting something useful as their first return, so they're leaving the site.
Frankly, we launched too early We had a major competitor in Comet Okay, let's try not to make this all about Comet.
- There's the larger landscape of - Exactly.
We needed to get out there to have a presence.
Comet isn't competitive - What did I just say? - Sorry.
It seems like we were impatient.
No.
No.
No, it's good that we're live.
It is.
The growth will be there.
The Rover algorithm's gonna get better with usage.
We needed users to track, the data is gonna help us refine this algorithm.
We've got to stay competitive I'm telling you, we have a leg up on Comet - Excuse me.
- Index sites.
Thank you.
If we could just have faith in our system Hey, I do have faith.
That's why I launched the damn thing.
The site is live, so the question of timing is a moot point.
Please don't come in here and argue at me.
I've got a lot of other things on my plate.
All right.
How can you lead this effectively if you're not speaking the same language? Pull it together.
- Thank you.
- Copy that.
Search is a land grab, right now.
And once we grab all the land, then we can think about incorporating more code.
Cam's got a point.
The current model isn't scalable.
The three of us can't keep up with the expansion.
But we shouldn't add more code.
- We should add more people.
- How many? I mean, we can't pay everybody in Necco Wafers.
You know, hiring an engineer is one thing What's our strongest section? - Probably comedy.
- Exactly.
Haley loves comedy, so it's our most thorough, well-organized section.
Well, then, we need experts.
You know, someone someone who's obsessed with like - Sports.
- sports.
Exactly.
We need more Haleys.
Ow! Damn it! Yeah, the the best thing a-about a PhD in Library Science is I get to call myself a "bibliothecographer.
" So you were a photography archivist at Chicago Art Institute.
Th-That sounds cool.
Eh, hypothermic, actually, I survived exactly one winter.
I'm a California girl.
But not in the David Lee Roth kind of way.
Can you, uh Can you give us an example of your methodology? For instance, how do you organize your CDs? Well, my, um my brother is really into metal, and I helped him manage his collection.
I put all of the death metal CDs on one shelf, from the simple bands like Obituary and Cannibal Corpse on the left, to melodic and technical death in the middle, eh, followed by death/black and grind/death and death crossovers, and then I put the industrial death, folk death, and barely-death, uh, at the end.
And And then, the next shelf was for black metal, uh, through the whole Norwegian scene, like Mayhem and Burzum, through the un-black and then the not-really-black-but-sorta-fits, like Cradle of Filth.
And Oh, do Um, do you want me to keep going? The-There's Raunchy Power - No, that's perfect.
- Raunchy Power? Most people just alphabetize.
You sure this was your brother's collection? - Uh-huh.
- Okay, one final thing How would you list a website about "barks"? Depends if you mean dog noise, tree layer, root beer that's Barq's with a "q" or boat.
Wait.
"B-Bark" is a boat? Mm-hmm.
Uh, technically, it's a sailing ship with three or more masts.
Huh.
We don't even know the answer to our own trick question.
Dr.
Katie Herman, you are officially hired as Comet's Chief Ontologist.
Perfect.
Let's introduce you to the obsessives.
Or, as we like to call them the surfers.
Every day, we receive hundreds of e-mails from people asking us to add their websites to our index.
Plus, we're constantly on the look-out for new sites to catalogue.
When a surfer finds a site, they categorize it and add it to Comet's master list.
Each group is responsible for growing the index and writing descriptions for the top five sites in each category.
Yeah, but the problem is, is that we started out with five main topics.
As new sites pop up, you know, categorizing them becomes more and more complicated.
Yeah, there's an ontological term for that.
Yeah "shit-show.
" All right, let's start with Entertainment.
This is Reggie from Le Video Hi.
He, uh, impressed Joe with his vast knowledge of French New Wave - as well as the canon of John Candy.
- Yeah.
Oh, did you know that he played Cliff Murdoch, the Announcer in "Rookie of the Year" uncredited? - Really? - Huh.
- Yeah.
- That's amazing.
- Really cool, Reggie.
- Take care, all right? - See, enthusiasm feeds them.
- Yeah.
So this is Lorraine and Po, from Tower Records and City Lights, respectively.
- Hey.
Yo.
- Hi.
Hey, where is your comedy geek? - That section rocks.
- Good choice.
That is actually my daughter Haley, who's part of the team.
When she's not at school.
- And regional's over here.
- Okay.
You need a restaurant recommendation? - These are your guys.
- Ahem.
Not just guys.
Oh, Risa.
We met on a bus.
She launched into a list of restaurant ratings that would put Zagat's to shame.
FYI, Zagat's has a new website, but the Biz team scooped us Zagat's is big business, it's international, not regional.
That's Macky from Gold's Gym.
You wouldn't believe it, but this guy's got an MBA.
- Hmm.
- Marketing honcho.
I told Gold's to launch a website And when they finally did we scooped it up from regional.
Whoo! - Guys.
- Well, you could cross-reference it.
- Yes.
Do that.
- So, you see our quandary.
- Yeah.
- Business, Sports - I'm with ya.
- This is our head coder.
Ted.
- Oh.
- He manages the whole site for us.
Sorry to interrupt, you have a call from Michael Houseman at AOL.
Oh, perfect.
Feel free to, uh - I'm just Yeah, I got it.
- work your magic.
I got it covered, yeah.
Hey, Mike.
Mike, it's Gordon.
If you're calling to bust my balls about CalNect, you're a little bit late, they've already been busted into oblivion.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Hey, I wanted to let you know AOL is in the market for a search play.
Oh.
We're listening.
Frankly, we're impressed by what you've got going on over there at Comet.
Smart, lean.
I don't want to be too forward, but are you guys entertaining acquisition offers? Let me take you for a ride Let me take you for a ride Let me take you for a ride Elevator God, they've added editorial descriptions.
Jeez Louise, that was fast How're they doing their algorithm? It's not an algorithm, it's people.
Well, why can't we do that? Give me Series A, I'll hire 40 grunts to write blurbs.
We're not ready for Series A.
Don't jump the gun.
You sure you need more of that? It's the only thing keeping me alive.
Isn't it a weird coincidence that we launched just as Donna's ex-husband unveiled Comet? Search was in the ether.
We don't even know how much they talk to each other.
She just seems tweaked about the whole thing, like she's got a bug up her ass.
All right.
Give me the update.
I want specifics.
Vera's been working on natural language queries, trying to make the computer understand how humans ask questions.
We only have one coder.
Cecil's the best but he's overworked.
- Elliot - Dude, it's true.
It's not your fault.
But if we could get him some help He's essentially trying to refine the search algorithm and improve the crawler.
He can't do both simultaneously.
Pick which horrible problem you want me to attack first.
Yeah, hey, the truth is, we could use a few more bodies.
Our man here can do the heavy lifting, but he's gonna need some support.
- What we need is Series A - Elliot You guys are not getting a Series A term sheet anytime soon.
Oh, this is exactly what I was hoping for! My friend Tori Lowman had an Airstream, we used to play in it.
Yeah? What would you play? Airstream.
So you're planning on a cross-country trip? No, I just bought a-a piece of land, and I need something over my head before I build something more permanent.
- Oh! - Yeah? Where's the land? - Uh, just west of Bonny Doon.
- Ooh, that's so pretty.
- I know.
- Yeah.
Um, well, my husband, Lenny, and I, we bought this old sweetheart for our honeymoon.
And, uh, she's a real jewel.
Mm-hmm.
So, how often do you get up there? - We've only been once.
- Mm-hmm.
- But we're hoping to make it more often.
- Yeah.
Okay.
Well, go on.
Go on inside.
It's nice and cozy.
And the bed's pretty comfortable, too.
Oh, my God! This is perfect! It's uh It's "cozy.
" Yeah.
So AOL, huh? Yeah.
You really ready to be a company man again? If the money money's good enough, I might take the buy-out.
Do something else.
- You might.
- Yeah.
Lydia said to try it out so let's try it out.
Oh.
Promise me that, whatever the offer is, you'll consider it.
I kinda think you should take it.
Because our business model won't scale? - What? - No.
Because then you can spend all that free time with me.
Besides, I know you're all about the human touch.
Does this "long, long trailer" mean you're moving out? No.
This is for us.
We'll have all this room to just do whatever we want.
Mmmmm.
- I know what I want to do.
- Okay, let's stop.
All right, Lydia.
And it worked for her and Lenny for all these years.
Are you trying to make an honest Lenny out of me? I am trying to buy this, here, jewel and sweep you away to a magical land.
I'm gonna make an offer.
Spitting in a wishing well Blown to hell Crash On the last splash Want you Koo koo Cannonball Want you Koo koo Cannonball Hey now In the shade In the shade Mom? Are we going? Mom? You don't look ready.
I know, baby.
I just I don't know if I'm up for it tonight.
- But you love girls' night out.
- I do love it.
I just thought maybe we could have girls' night in this time? Is it work? I know it's weird to talk about it.
Uh, no, honey.
We can talk about whatever you want.
And, yeah, we've been having some trouble.
With Rover? Uh-huh.
Well, I'm sure it'll be awesome.
I mean, Cam said she liked it.
When did Cameron say she liked Rover? Um, I don't know, like a couple months ago? Uh, she said the algorithm was "clever.
" You know what's really clever is your Richard Pryor blurb.
Thanks.
The truth is, baby, you are kicking our ass.
Well, you're right, work is just so exhausting.
So, we should just relax.
Yes.
How about we order take-out? Oh, yeah, can we get Chinese? - Yeah.
- I love potstickers! Why are you wearing that? We're gonna order Chinese food.
Oh.
Hella gross.
MSG makes me bloat, just order pizza.
Hey, Joanie! Your sister was watching cartoons Mom, Jesus, it's not just cartoons She doesn't mind.
Right? Yeah.
Watch whatever you want.
And pizza's fine.
No, well, honey, what about, you know, potstickers? I'm actually not that hungry.
Cameron "Howe-to" Mm.
Go! Go! I don't get it.
Well, it's not one of my best.
After the glow - Ta-da! - The scene, the stage, the set Hey! Talk becomes slow - But there's one thing I'll never forget - Cool.
Looks good.
Hey, you gotta pay your dues - Before you pay the rent - Joe, will you help me with the food? Yeah.
- Over the turnstile - Yeah.
Turn out in the traffic Hey, I'm sorry we're so late.
- The traffic was - Did the number come in? Uh, three million.
Um That's pretty good.
We passed.
I-It's, uh, encouraging to get the interest so early on, you know.
We're gonna try the VC route.
A couple firms are poking around.
Hey, listen, are you still sleeping over tonight, or do you have to take Gordon home now? No, Bos is gonna drive him back.
Okay.
- Okay? - Okay.
If I could settle down I wouldn't miss my first night in Lydia and Lenny's Honeymoon Hotbed.
Yeah, well They seem to be doing all right.
Well as of tonight, I'm officially giving them the benefit of the doubt.
So how you doin'? Well, Rover's comin' along.
Yeah, and that other thing? Yeah, well, I'm happy to report I'm digging myself out of that particular hole.
Probably sounded a lot worse than it was.
Gordon, I I didn't mean to come at you like that, and I feel shitty about the whole thing.
Bos, Bos, come on.
Don't sweat it.
Out on my skateboard, the night is just hummin' Well, I heard AOL is gonna gonna make you an offer.
I'll follow if my Walkman fades Are you gonna take it? Now, how did you hear about that? Cam.
Oh.
Yeah, right.
Eh turns out they low-balled the hell out of us at three mil.
They're in a buying frenzy right now.
Me and Joe want to play this thing out, so Yeah.
So when did you go all Hells Angels on us? Oh, come on.
It was a baby Honda! - Hmm.
- It was technically a dirt bike.
Hmm.
More like a Space Bike.
"A Space Bike.
" Shut up! Anyway, I don't have one anymore.
- I drive a truck now, so - Yeah.
A Space Truck.
- Okay.
- Space Truck.
- You guys want another beer? - Let's have one more.
- No, some of us gotta drive.
- Come on.
- Gordon, you don't have to drive.
- I wish Come on.
but I'm beat.
Shall we, Bos? I think we gotta roll.
Come on.
Well, All right, this was good to see you, man.
Good to see you, too.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll walk you out.
- Okay.
- All right, Gordon.
- Thanks for the lift out.
- Yeah, yeah.
I'll see you soon.
- Well, thanks for coming by.
- Sure.
Yep.
Yep.
Good to see you.
- Thanks for the help with the lights! - Yeah.
Joe? Hey, this girl here, this Tanya, much nicer than that Harding girl.
My name has been forever sullied by a man named "Gillooly.
" Hey, let's get a little adventurous, shall we? Um let's try some uni? - Yes.
- Yes.
I wanted to talk to you about Cecil.
He's still having trouble with whole pages.
He's had a month.
Maybe he's not the guy.
Well, it's gonna be a little hard to get rid of him.
He's a founding member of the team, CTO and all.
So the new kid's helping out with the grunt work, but Cecil still can't handle the programming challenge.
- Ooh! - Enjoy.
Here.
You're gonna want to try this, dude.
Yeah.
This is some old Japanese soul food.
You're gonna like this.
I wanted to ask you about something, too.
Um, I heard that AOL is interested in a search play.
It might be a way outta this whole mess.
Look, I-I'll be the first to admit that I don't know the ins and the outs of the code.
But when it comes to buying and selling companies, you could say that's my bailiwick.
How much do you think we could get? My man says upwards of three million.
Okay, we have to pay off the angel investors Yeah, we'll do all right.
We'll do all right, about 400K apiece.
But the team They split almost $1 million in cash.
Now that's pretty good for a bunch of young upstarts.
- But there's three of them.
- No, I know.
- This idea I really just don't think - It's Look, it's I-it's still nothing to sneeze at.
Hell, it's a win for you, it sets you up great for your next thing.
Besides, the sad truth is, anyone done a search with us leaves underwhelmed.
Huh? The top search on Rover is "sex.
" The second most popular search is "Comet.
" The most popular word being searched on Rover is "sex.
" The second most popular word is "Comet.
" You should get a call in the next day.
Expect the offer to be around $3 million.
Can I assume that Bos speaks for the both of you? Bos, you have a lot of wisdom when it comes to sales.
But we can't get out now.
We have a winning play here.
Our algorithm-based system has a half dozen copycats.
Comet doesn't.
Why? Because web growth is projected to double by the end of this year, triple by the close of '95.
The competition is exactly the reason to get out now.
We don't have the right damn programmer You said we don't make "small plays.
" We take "big swings.
" What I know, in my gut, is that search is poised to be a billion-dollar business.
I don't care who you run into on the golf course, you don't discuss my assets with anyone but me.
If the path to victory requires a change in the Rover leadership, we can discuss that.
But, in the meantime, have some grit.
I told you to come in here and present a united front.
Don't come whining to the boss.
This is 101 bullshit.
Do better.
Both of you.
And when you walk out that door, I want to see you head in the same damn direction.
Well, thanks for having my back in there.
You owe $326,000 to First National Bank.
- Hey.
- I've known since November.
You've been running off bank paperwork in the copy room like it's your home office.
- You missed a sheet.
- Hey, wait a minute Hey, listen, I see what you're up to.
You want to unload Rover to the first buyer so you can get a quick windfall.
- Oh, but you - The long-game, Series A that won't solve your problem.
I haven't breathed a word about this.
And I'm not going to.
Because I have your back.
I just wish you had ours.
Dudes, got one! - Whoo! - Aooga!! Seriously, guys, Gladwell, Bristol is the perfect fit.
- Got one! - Yay, us! What is up? It's our weekly website indexing contest, the team with the most sites by the end of Friday wins.
- Go, go, go! - Hey.
2-minute warning.
- We're close? - Neck and neck.
Haley's in the mix.
We should get down there.
Come on.
So we used to cluster the groups by topic, but our Chief Ontologist found that it boosted productivity to share info, so she's put the teams into seven master groups.
- Got one! - Aooga!! Oh! All right! All right, they're inching up.
Come on, Mrs.
Doubtfire, you know what's at stake.
Research the web like it's 1989! - I got one! - Yay us! Yes! Step it up, burners.
Make Fonda proud.
Dudes, got one! Aooga!! Oh, it is on, burners! - They seem pretty fired up.
- What's the grand prize? - Olympic Gold? - Better.
Okay, we don't have much time.
We're almost there.
We almost find out who the victor is.
- Oh! - Yay, us! Oh! It is so close.
- Got one! - Aooga!! Go! Oh! Okay, we're there! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! I just logged a Rosie O'Donnell site! All right! Wait.
No.
No, no, no.
Put me down.
All right.
Surfboard! Yay! Surfboard! Whoo! Thank you very much.
Hey, Dad Hey, Dad come over here! Are you sure it's not your turn? Definitely not.
All right.
All right! You ready? All right, calm down! Aah! That girl thinks she's the queen of the neighborhood She's got the hottest trike in town That girl, she holds her head up so high I think I want to be her best friend, yeah Rebel girl, rebel girl Stupid piece of shit.
Rebel girl, you are the queen of my world Rebel girl, rebel girl Turn off! Ohh! When she walks, the revolution's coming In her kiss, I taste the revolution! Rebel girl, rebel girl Rebel girl, you are the queen of my world Rebel girl, rebel girl I know I want to take you home I wanna try on your clothes, uh Rebel girl, rebel girl Rebel girl, you are the queen of my world Love you like a sister always Soul sister, rebel girl Come and be my best friend Really, rebel girl I really like you God damn! I really wanna be your best friend Be my rebel girl What are you doing? Skating is coming on.
It's Tonya and Nancy, and all of America is watching, - so I want to see what happens.
- I was watching "Real World," and it's the episode where David gets kicked off - for pulling the sheets off of Tami - Oh, my God.
Who cares? - It's not even "real.
" - Girls, can you please? I read something online that said they generate all the drama.
Kind of like you.
What is that? It's a golden surfboard.
Yeah, why do you have that? Honey, where did you get that? Well, it's from Comet.
And I know it's weird to have a Comet trophy when you're working so hard on Rover No.
Why does it say "Potstickers"? Because I won it! Risa was doing a write-up for the Benihana website, and I told her that I love potstickers so she named our team Potstickers, and today we won.
And we kicked Feel the Burn's ass! And everyone cheered, and they played this crazy surfer music, and I got to throw the ceremonial pie in Dad's face! What?! I know! It was amazing! Okay, Nancy's about to warm up.
You're my sister, and I know deep in your heart you want to watch this major cultural event and eat ice cream and not just smoke disgusting cigarettes Shut up! - and scowl at everyone.
- Um - Come on.
Mom, come on.
- Okay.
And nothing is going to hold her back.
- Well, all right.
- Okay.
I-I wish I got to throw a pie in Dad's face.
Yeah, you and me both.
- Ooh, sassy.
- All right.
- What'd I miss? - Go, Nancy.
How fast do you think they're going? - Hey, can you see okay? - Yeah.
I've got a perfect view of the crust of Cool Whip - behind your ear.
- What? Here.
I got it.
I got it.
Don't worry about it.
- Who is gonna top that? - It's good.
Now I'm even more nervous.
Oh, hey! I didn't know you were coming home.
You wanna join us? - Uh - Now this first jump is a triple flip.
- Oh, she doubles.
- I got to take a shower.
- Hi.
- Bye.
Uh You know what? She's a fighter.
If I know her, she's gonna fight for every triple - from here on out.
- Hey, what happened? I'm sorry.
I I'll tell you later.
I didn't mean to barge in.
No, not at all.
I, um I wanted to introduce you to everyone.
Hey, we need a tie-breaker.
Are you Team Nancy or Team Tonya? A very difficult combination.
- Triple toe loop.
- Are those skater people? And another! I'm just gonna go to bed.
Into the program only three minutes.
Now going into the hardest triple a triple lutz.
You know, the next time you hear a drip Damn it! you might want to try a gentler approach.
Ow! Ow.
I know how this looks, by the way.
Like I'm having some pathetic, early mid-life crisis.
Got the bike, the truck, the trailer.
No.
No, on the contrary.
Actually, no, you took a risk, you got out of your "comfort zone.
" I'm proud of you.
Right.
My new home got stuck in the mud.
Yeah, well, happens to the best of us.
There's no shame in asking for a little help now and again.
How do you know how to do all this anyway? You come from a long line of trailer folk? Well, truly, that ain't far off.
Here.
Why don't you keep this.
You never know when it's gonna come in handy.
You want a drink? Nope.
I'm good.
But you could run out to my truck and, on the seat, there's my tool bag.
Grab me the plumber's putty out of there.
- Little can.
- Okay.
Thanks.
I'm dirtying up your nail file or brush thing or whatever you I couldn't find it.
Hey, how's your boat? Well, I liquidated whatever I could, zeroed out my IRA.
I was ready to auction off all the furniture.
But I thought well, I thought Diane might notice if her antique buffet turned up missing.
It could work out.
Rover might succeed.
No, I looked at it a couple months ago, it wasn't there yet.
But I liked the model.
Our programmer's been banging his head against the wall for months trying to refine that algorithm.
And Donna won't sell it.
I recognize the signs, this thing is gonna die on the vine.
I mean We're screwed.
We're so screwed, the light from screwed gonna take a thousand years to reach us.
Wait, how screwed are you? We don't got the leadership, we don't got that algorithm, and we don't got that talent.
In a word, darlin', we don't got you.
What part is he stuck on? I'm just saying, Dr.
Katie Herman gives you a lot of ontological attention.
Yeah.
She's friendly.
- Oh-ho! - Nice scratch.
She's not friendly with me.
Yeah, well, how are things with you and Dr.
Cameron Howe? Must be pretty snug out there in that Airstream.
Like two giants living in a thimble.
So close.
Excellent try.
So, it's it's good.
She's, um She's looking for something, and I don't think she's gonna find it in no man's land.
But, um I feel bad, because she's so into it, but I hate it out there.
And I can't stop thinking about click beetles.
What's a click beetle? You call yourself an outdoorsman.
So, you're in the wild, and you hear this clicking sound.
And you think you're going crazy or have sudden onset tinnitus, but in fact, there's an ear-dwelling beetle in your cochlea I'm serious and you turn up dead.
With a beetle next to your head.
Because, you know, it crawls out.
When you die.
Joe, that was in "Star Trek II.
" - Never seen it.
- Yes, you have.
And click beetles are real.
Mm-hmm.
- Yes! - Nice! Wasn't aiming for that one, but it counts.
So what do you think of Gladwell, Bristol and their smokin' VC operation? Well, you know, I was excited about the AOL offer.
Until I wasn't.
And then I was excited about the VC route.
Until I wasn't, so What are you really excited about? This.
You and me.
Here.
Okay If you make this shot, we're taking the VC money.
Fine.
- Ugh! - Ooh! - We're not taking the money.
- Okay, okay.
Rack 'em.
Hey.
Here we go.
Okay, okay.
So Wow! So, uh, as you all know, we got off to kind of a rocky start but last month, suddenly, you really turned it around.
Huh? Just Wow! Uh, credit goes to Cecil for his breakthrough with the algorithm.
- Yay! - Cecil! We are so proud to offer you Series A financing.
To Rover.
To Rover! - Good job.
- Thank you.
- Donna, hey.
- Hey.
I owe you an apology.
I didn't see it at first, but this thing is killer.
I mean, your guy nailed it.
- Yeah.
He really did.
- Yeah.
- To perseverance - Ah.
Hi.
Congratulations.
Well, that must feel really good.
Look, I know it's been a tough one, and given where we were a month ago, it must feel like a curve ball.
But it will pay off, you'll see.
Hey.
You really pulled this off.
And just in the nick.
About a month ago, Donna was gonna dump the whole thing to AOL.
- It's been good for all of us.
- Oh, I agree.
Oh, you know each other, right? So you really cracked the whole thing wide open.
How'd you do it? Uh, Bos actually had the initial idea, what we call the, uh, the "waiting room" concept Yeah, people wait around all the time, they're used to it.
In In real life.
On the web.
Um, I, uh, came up with a "queuing program.
" Um, Now we're the first site to, uh, index entire pages.
Um, you know, um, we had a crawler, but it was a rude one Sure, we had to teach that little sucker some manners.
Excuse me.
I just wanted to thank you.
For not giving up on us.
Uh, you steered the ship.
You should be proud of yourself.
Hey.
So, you're the star of the show.
Y-Yeah.
The, uh the growth has been incredible.
Yeah.
Well, I was just a little bit surprised.
Because, well, you know, you'd struggled for so long.
So I just I have to ask Who wrote the new algorithm? I cannot believe that Rover is getting a Series A term sheet.
Now, all of a sudden, we're up against this capitalized nightmare.
Some new "crawler" interacting with the data indexing, it could kill us We've got to divide our focus just to compete.
But our whole approach, the human touch, it's it's now completely and totally f
I searched "Dallas plus Cowboys," I'm sure the first hit is a crappy NFL fan site, but the second site that comes up? Yeah, well, maybe Rover knows you don't give a shit about football? Yeah, I forgot you were an all-American running back at Cal.
Hey, I went to a game once.
I'm just saying, Rover has a relevance problem.
Hey, is Scientology a religion or a cult? Cult.
They obtained non-profit status in October.
With the bad-ass style Straightforward Never mind, I'll figure out where it goes.
These results are mediocre at best.
Final grade for Rover's "genius" search engine C-.
D-.
Is that really necessary? That doesn't sound right.
- Sounds like the, uh, gas line is - I got it! Okay.
Not like I literally grew up in an auto shop or anything.
It's just until the rain stops.
Well, I can't hear myself think.
Listen, if they fix the relevance problem, we could have a competition on our hands.
You know, hit search for, um Is that Rover? We give it a C-.
That bad? You really haven't seen it? No, I really haven't.
Wait, uh Oh, yeah.
I see what you mean.
Even with the basic rules engine, the results are garbage, the crawler's too static.
- Mm.
- Still, the way they grabbed the titles is actually kind of clever.
- Okay, thanks for this - Hey, I'm just gonna check the HTML, it takes one second.
Oh, yeah.
The algorithm's too stupid to know that there are equivalent synonyms for a search phrase, or different spellings.
Like "color, c-o-l-o-r," the English spelling, with a "u.
" Still, I'd give it a B-.
- Pbht! - No, a solid B for concept, but demerits for poor execution.
- Hmm.
- You asked.
- Actually, we didn't.
- No, we didn't.
Neither one of us asked.
This wouldn't be hard to beat, you know? You just have to come up with a more sophisticated algorithm.
That's not really our approach.
People need a curated list, a guide through the disorganized maze of the web not a bunch of impersonal math.
First of all, math is very personal to me.
- Of course.
I just mean that - And second, curation is fine if you guys have 500 websites, or 5000.
But what are you guys gonna do when you have 5 million? How are you gonna guide people through that? We tell you which site is best.
The whole company is built around a human approach.
- Uh, porn alert.
- Yep.
Yep.
Coming.
Following company protocol - and stepping away from the machine.
- Coming.
Coming.
- You're mad.
- I'm not.
I'm not.
I didn't think you wanted to work on this, but if you do, then - I don't.
- Okay.
I'm j I'm just saying that math can't tell a qualitative difference between good and bad.
A computer can't tell me what I want.
Not yet.
Okay.
We have functionality issues.
Users aren't getting something useful as their first return, so they're leaving the site.
Frankly, we launched too early We had a major competitor in Comet Okay, let's try not to make this all about Comet.
- There's the larger landscape of - Exactly.
We needed to get out there to have a presence.
Comet isn't competitive - What did I just say? - Sorry.
It seems like we were impatient.
No.
No.
No, it's good that we're live.
It is.
The growth will be there.
The Rover algorithm's gonna get better with usage.
We needed users to track, the data is gonna help us refine this algorithm.
We've got to stay competitive I'm telling you, we have a leg up on Comet - Excuse me.
- Index sites.
Thank you.
If we could just have faith in our system Hey, I do have faith.
That's why I launched the damn thing.
The site is live, so the question of timing is a moot point.
Please don't come in here and argue at me.
I've got a lot of other things on my plate.
All right.
How can you lead this effectively if you're not speaking the same language? Pull it together.
- Thank you.
- Copy that.
Search is a land grab, right now.
And once we grab all the land, then we can think about incorporating more code.
Cam's got a point.
The current model isn't scalable.
The three of us can't keep up with the expansion.
But we shouldn't add more code.
- We should add more people.
- How many? I mean, we can't pay everybody in Necco Wafers.
You know, hiring an engineer is one thing What's our strongest section? - Probably comedy.
- Exactly.
Haley loves comedy, so it's our most thorough, well-organized section.
Well, then, we need experts.
You know, someone someone who's obsessed with like - Sports.
- sports.
Exactly.
We need more Haleys.
Ow! Damn it! Yeah, the the best thing a-about a PhD in Library Science is I get to call myself a "bibliothecographer.
" So you were a photography archivist at Chicago Art Institute.
Th-That sounds cool.
Eh, hypothermic, actually, I survived exactly one winter.
I'm a California girl.
But not in the David Lee Roth kind of way.
Can you, uh Can you give us an example of your methodology? For instance, how do you organize your CDs? Well, my, um my brother is really into metal, and I helped him manage his collection.
I put all of the death metal CDs on one shelf, from the simple bands like Obituary and Cannibal Corpse on the left, to melodic and technical death in the middle, eh, followed by death/black and grind/death and death crossovers, and then I put the industrial death, folk death, and barely-death, uh, at the end.
And And then, the next shelf was for black metal, uh, through the whole Norwegian scene, like Mayhem and Burzum, through the un-black and then the not-really-black-but-sorta-fits, like Cradle of Filth.
And Oh, do Um, do you want me to keep going? The-There's Raunchy Power - No, that's perfect.
- Raunchy Power? Most people just alphabetize.
You sure this was your brother's collection? - Uh-huh.
- Okay, one final thing How would you list a website about "barks"? Depends if you mean dog noise, tree layer, root beer that's Barq's with a "q" or boat.
Wait.
"B-Bark" is a boat? Mm-hmm.
Uh, technically, it's a sailing ship with three or more masts.
Huh.
We don't even know the answer to our own trick question.
Dr.
Katie Herman, you are officially hired as Comet's Chief Ontologist.
Perfect.
Let's introduce you to the obsessives.
Or, as we like to call them the surfers.
Every day, we receive hundreds of e-mails from people asking us to add their websites to our index.
Plus, we're constantly on the look-out for new sites to catalogue.
When a surfer finds a site, they categorize it and add it to Comet's master list.
Each group is responsible for growing the index and writing descriptions for the top five sites in each category.
Yeah, but the problem is, is that we started out with five main topics.
As new sites pop up, you know, categorizing them becomes more and more complicated.
Yeah, there's an ontological term for that.
Yeah "shit-show.
" All right, let's start with Entertainment.
This is Reggie from Le Video Hi.
He, uh, impressed Joe with his vast knowledge of French New Wave - as well as the canon of John Candy.
- Yeah.
Oh, did you know that he played Cliff Murdoch, the Announcer in "Rookie of the Year" uncredited? - Really? - Huh.
- Yeah.
- That's amazing.
- Really cool, Reggie.
- Take care, all right? - See, enthusiasm feeds them.
- Yeah.
So this is Lorraine and Po, from Tower Records and City Lights, respectively.
- Hey.
Yo.
- Hi.
Hey, where is your comedy geek? - That section rocks.
- Good choice.
That is actually my daughter Haley, who's part of the team.
When she's not at school.
- And regional's over here.
- Okay.
You need a restaurant recommendation? - These are your guys.
- Ahem.
Not just guys.
Oh, Risa.
We met on a bus.
She launched into a list of restaurant ratings that would put Zagat's to shame.
FYI, Zagat's has a new website, but the Biz team scooped us Zagat's is big business, it's international, not regional.
That's Macky from Gold's Gym.
You wouldn't believe it, but this guy's got an MBA.
- Hmm.
- Marketing honcho.
I told Gold's to launch a website And when they finally did we scooped it up from regional.
Whoo! - Guys.
- Well, you could cross-reference it.
- Yes.
Do that.
- So, you see our quandary.
- Yeah.
- Business, Sports - I'm with ya.
- This is our head coder.
Ted.
- Oh.
- He manages the whole site for us.
Sorry to interrupt, you have a call from Michael Houseman at AOL.
Oh, perfect.
Feel free to, uh - I'm just Yeah, I got it.
- work your magic.
I got it covered, yeah.
Hey, Mike.
Mike, it's Gordon.
If you're calling to bust my balls about CalNect, you're a little bit late, they've already been busted into oblivion.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Hey, I wanted to let you know AOL is in the market for a search play.
Oh.
We're listening.
Frankly, we're impressed by what you've got going on over there at Comet.
Smart, lean.
I don't want to be too forward, but are you guys entertaining acquisition offers? Let me take you for a ride Let me take you for a ride Let me take you for a ride Elevator God, they've added editorial descriptions.
Jeez Louise, that was fast How're they doing their algorithm? It's not an algorithm, it's people.
Well, why can't we do that? Give me Series A, I'll hire 40 grunts to write blurbs.
We're not ready for Series A.
Don't jump the gun.
You sure you need more of that? It's the only thing keeping me alive.
Isn't it a weird coincidence that we launched just as Donna's ex-husband unveiled Comet? Search was in the ether.
We don't even know how much they talk to each other.
She just seems tweaked about the whole thing, like she's got a bug up her ass.
All right.
Give me the update.
I want specifics.
Vera's been working on natural language queries, trying to make the computer understand how humans ask questions.
We only have one coder.
Cecil's the best but he's overworked.
- Elliot - Dude, it's true.
It's not your fault.
But if we could get him some help He's essentially trying to refine the search algorithm and improve the crawler.
He can't do both simultaneously.
Pick which horrible problem you want me to attack first.
Yeah, hey, the truth is, we could use a few more bodies.
Our man here can do the heavy lifting, but he's gonna need some support.
- What we need is Series A - Elliot You guys are not getting a Series A term sheet anytime soon.
Oh, this is exactly what I was hoping for! My friend Tori Lowman had an Airstream, we used to play in it.
Yeah? What would you play? Airstream.
So you're planning on a cross-country trip? No, I just bought a-a piece of land, and I need something over my head before I build something more permanent.
- Oh! - Yeah? Where's the land? - Uh, just west of Bonny Doon.
- Ooh, that's so pretty.
- I know.
- Yeah.
Um, well, my husband, Lenny, and I, we bought this old sweetheart for our honeymoon.
And, uh, she's a real jewel.
Mm-hmm.
So, how often do you get up there? - We've only been once.
- Mm-hmm.
- But we're hoping to make it more often.
- Yeah.
Okay.
Well, go on.
Go on inside.
It's nice and cozy.
And the bed's pretty comfortable, too.
Oh, my God! This is perfect! It's uh It's "cozy.
" Yeah.
So AOL, huh? Yeah.
You really ready to be a company man again? If the money money's good enough, I might take the buy-out.
Do something else.
- You might.
- Yeah.
Lydia said to try it out so let's try it out.
Oh.
Promise me that, whatever the offer is, you'll consider it.
I kinda think you should take it.
Because our business model won't scale? - What? - No.
Because then you can spend all that free time with me.
Besides, I know you're all about the human touch.
Does this "long, long trailer" mean you're moving out? No.
This is for us.
We'll have all this room to just do whatever we want.
Mmmmm.
- I know what I want to do.
- Okay, let's stop.
All right, Lydia.
And it worked for her and Lenny for all these years.
Are you trying to make an honest Lenny out of me? I am trying to buy this, here, jewel and sweep you away to a magical land.
I'm gonna make an offer.
Spitting in a wishing well Blown to hell Crash On the last splash Want you Koo koo Cannonball Want you Koo koo Cannonball Hey now In the shade In the shade Mom? Are we going? Mom? You don't look ready.
I know, baby.
I just I don't know if I'm up for it tonight.
- But you love girls' night out.
- I do love it.
I just thought maybe we could have girls' night in this time? Is it work? I know it's weird to talk about it.
Uh, no, honey.
We can talk about whatever you want.
And, yeah, we've been having some trouble.
With Rover? Uh-huh.
Well, I'm sure it'll be awesome.
I mean, Cam said she liked it.
When did Cameron say she liked Rover? Um, I don't know, like a couple months ago? Uh, she said the algorithm was "clever.
" You know what's really clever is your Richard Pryor blurb.
Thanks.
The truth is, baby, you are kicking our ass.
Well, you're right, work is just so exhausting.
So, we should just relax.
Yes.
How about we order take-out? Oh, yeah, can we get Chinese? - Yeah.
- I love potstickers! Why are you wearing that? We're gonna order Chinese food.
Oh.
Hella gross.
MSG makes me bloat, just order pizza.
Hey, Joanie! Your sister was watching cartoons Mom, Jesus, it's not just cartoons She doesn't mind.
Right? Yeah.
Watch whatever you want.
And pizza's fine.
No, well, honey, what about, you know, potstickers? I'm actually not that hungry.
Cameron "Howe-to" Mm.
Go! Go! I don't get it.
Well, it's not one of my best.
After the glow - Ta-da! - The scene, the stage, the set Hey! Talk becomes slow - But there's one thing I'll never forget - Cool.
Looks good.
Hey, you gotta pay your dues - Before you pay the rent - Joe, will you help me with the food? Yeah.
- Over the turnstile - Yeah.
Turn out in the traffic Hey, I'm sorry we're so late.
- The traffic was - Did the number come in? Uh, three million.
Um That's pretty good.
We passed.
I-It's, uh, encouraging to get the interest so early on, you know.
We're gonna try the VC route.
A couple firms are poking around.
Hey, listen, are you still sleeping over tonight, or do you have to take Gordon home now? No, Bos is gonna drive him back.
Okay.
- Okay? - Okay.
If I could settle down I wouldn't miss my first night in Lydia and Lenny's Honeymoon Hotbed.
Yeah, well They seem to be doing all right.
Well as of tonight, I'm officially giving them the benefit of the doubt.
So how you doin'? Well, Rover's comin' along.
Yeah, and that other thing? Yeah, well, I'm happy to report I'm digging myself out of that particular hole.
Probably sounded a lot worse than it was.
Gordon, I I didn't mean to come at you like that, and I feel shitty about the whole thing.
Bos, Bos, come on.
Don't sweat it.
Out on my skateboard, the night is just hummin' Well, I heard AOL is gonna gonna make you an offer.
I'll follow if my Walkman fades Are you gonna take it? Now, how did you hear about that? Cam.
Oh.
Yeah, right.
Eh turns out they low-balled the hell out of us at three mil.
They're in a buying frenzy right now.
Me and Joe want to play this thing out, so Yeah.
So when did you go all Hells Angels on us? Oh, come on.
It was a baby Honda! - Hmm.
- It was technically a dirt bike.
Hmm.
More like a Space Bike.
"A Space Bike.
" Shut up! Anyway, I don't have one anymore.
- I drive a truck now, so - Yeah.
A Space Truck.
- Okay.
- Space Truck.
- You guys want another beer? - Let's have one more.
- No, some of us gotta drive.
- Come on.
- Gordon, you don't have to drive.
- I wish Come on.
but I'm beat.
Shall we, Bos? I think we gotta roll.
Come on.
Well, All right, this was good to see you, man.
Good to see you, too.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll walk you out.
- Okay.
- All right, Gordon.
- Thanks for the lift out.
- Yeah, yeah.
I'll see you soon.
- Well, thanks for coming by.
- Sure.
Yep.
Yep.
Good to see you.
- Thanks for the help with the lights! - Yeah.
Joe? Hey, this girl here, this Tanya, much nicer than that Harding girl.
My name has been forever sullied by a man named "Gillooly.
" Hey, let's get a little adventurous, shall we? Um let's try some uni? - Yes.
- Yes.
I wanted to talk to you about Cecil.
He's still having trouble with whole pages.
He's had a month.
Maybe he's not the guy.
Well, it's gonna be a little hard to get rid of him.
He's a founding member of the team, CTO and all.
So the new kid's helping out with the grunt work, but Cecil still can't handle the programming challenge.
- Ooh! - Enjoy.
Here.
You're gonna want to try this, dude.
Yeah.
This is some old Japanese soul food.
You're gonna like this.
I wanted to ask you about something, too.
Um, I heard that AOL is interested in a search play.
It might be a way outta this whole mess.
Look, I-I'll be the first to admit that I don't know the ins and the outs of the code.
But when it comes to buying and selling companies, you could say that's my bailiwick.
How much do you think we could get? My man says upwards of three million.
Okay, we have to pay off the angel investors Yeah, we'll do all right.
We'll do all right, about 400K apiece.
But the team They split almost $1 million in cash.
Now that's pretty good for a bunch of young upstarts.
- But there's three of them.
- No, I know.
- This idea I really just don't think - It's Look, it's I-it's still nothing to sneeze at.
Hell, it's a win for you, it sets you up great for your next thing.
Besides, the sad truth is, anyone done a search with us leaves underwhelmed.
Huh? The top search on Rover is "sex.
" The second most popular search is "Comet.
" The most popular word being searched on Rover is "sex.
" The second most popular word is "Comet.
" You should get a call in the next day.
Expect the offer to be around $3 million.
Can I assume that Bos speaks for the both of you? Bos, you have a lot of wisdom when it comes to sales.
But we can't get out now.
We have a winning play here.
Our algorithm-based system has a half dozen copycats.
Comet doesn't.
Why? Because web growth is projected to double by the end of this year, triple by the close of '95.
The competition is exactly the reason to get out now.
We don't have the right damn programmer You said we don't make "small plays.
" We take "big swings.
" What I know, in my gut, is that search is poised to be a billion-dollar business.
I don't care who you run into on the golf course, you don't discuss my assets with anyone but me.
If the path to victory requires a change in the Rover leadership, we can discuss that.
But, in the meantime, have some grit.
I told you to come in here and present a united front.
Don't come whining to the boss.
This is 101 bullshit.
Do better.
Both of you.
And when you walk out that door, I want to see you head in the same damn direction.
Well, thanks for having my back in there.
You owe $326,000 to First National Bank.
- Hey.
- I've known since November.
You've been running off bank paperwork in the copy room like it's your home office.
- You missed a sheet.
- Hey, wait a minute Hey, listen, I see what you're up to.
You want to unload Rover to the first buyer so you can get a quick windfall.
- Oh, but you - The long-game, Series A that won't solve your problem.
I haven't breathed a word about this.
And I'm not going to.
Because I have your back.
I just wish you had ours.
Dudes, got one! - Whoo! - Aooga!! Seriously, guys, Gladwell, Bristol is the perfect fit.
- Got one! - Yay, us! What is up? It's our weekly website indexing contest, the team with the most sites by the end of Friday wins.
- Go, go, go! - Hey.
2-minute warning.
- We're close? - Neck and neck.
Haley's in the mix.
We should get down there.
Come on.
So we used to cluster the groups by topic, but our Chief Ontologist found that it boosted productivity to share info, so she's put the teams into seven master groups.
- Got one! - Aooga!! Oh! All right! All right, they're inching up.
Come on, Mrs.
Doubtfire, you know what's at stake.
Research the web like it's 1989! - I got one! - Yay us! Yes! Step it up, burners.
Make Fonda proud.
Dudes, got one! Aooga!! Oh, it is on, burners! - They seem pretty fired up.
- What's the grand prize? - Olympic Gold? - Better.
Okay, we don't have much time.
We're almost there.
We almost find out who the victor is.
- Oh! - Yay, us! Oh! It is so close.
- Got one! - Aooga!! Go! Oh! Okay, we're there! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! I just logged a Rosie O'Donnell site! All right! Wait.
No.
No, no, no.
Put me down.
All right.
Surfboard! Yay! Surfboard! Whoo! Thank you very much.
Hey, Dad Hey, Dad come over here! Are you sure it's not your turn? Definitely not.
All right.
All right! You ready? All right, calm down! Aah! That girl thinks she's the queen of the neighborhood She's got the hottest trike in town That girl, she holds her head up so high I think I want to be her best friend, yeah Rebel girl, rebel girl Stupid piece of shit.
Rebel girl, you are the queen of my world Rebel girl, rebel girl Turn off! Ohh! When she walks, the revolution's coming In her kiss, I taste the revolution! Rebel girl, rebel girl Rebel girl, you are the queen of my world Rebel girl, rebel girl I know I want to take you home I wanna try on your clothes, uh Rebel girl, rebel girl Rebel girl, you are the queen of my world Love you like a sister always Soul sister, rebel girl Come and be my best friend Really, rebel girl I really like you God damn! I really wanna be your best friend Be my rebel girl What are you doing? Skating is coming on.
It's Tonya and Nancy, and all of America is watching, - so I want to see what happens.
- I was watching "Real World," and it's the episode where David gets kicked off - for pulling the sheets off of Tami - Oh, my God.
Who cares? - It's not even "real.
" - Girls, can you please? I read something online that said they generate all the drama.
Kind of like you.
What is that? It's a golden surfboard.
Yeah, why do you have that? Honey, where did you get that? Well, it's from Comet.
And I know it's weird to have a Comet trophy when you're working so hard on Rover No.
Why does it say "Potstickers"? Because I won it! Risa was doing a write-up for the Benihana website, and I told her that I love potstickers so she named our team Potstickers, and today we won.
And we kicked Feel the Burn's ass! And everyone cheered, and they played this crazy surfer music, and I got to throw the ceremonial pie in Dad's face! What?! I know! It was amazing! Okay, Nancy's about to warm up.
You're my sister, and I know deep in your heart you want to watch this major cultural event and eat ice cream and not just smoke disgusting cigarettes Shut up! - and scowl at everyone.
- Um - Come on.
Mom, come on.
- Okay.
And nothing is going to hold her back.
- Well, all right.
- Okay.
I-I wish I got to throw a pie in Dad's face.
Yeah, you and me both.
- Ooh, sassy.
- All right.
- What'd I miss? - Go, Nancy.
How fast do you think they're going? - Hey, can you see okay? - Yeah.
I've got a perfect view of the crust of Cool Whip - behind your ear.
- What? Here.
I got it.
I got it.
Don't worry about it.
- Who is gonna top that? - It's good.
Now I'm even more nervous.
Oh, hey! I didn't know you were coming home.
You wanna join us? - Uh - Now this first jump is a triple flip.
- Oh, she doubles.
- I got to take a shower.
- Hi.
- Bye.
Uh You know what? She's a fighter.
If I know her, she's gonna fight for every triple - from here on out.
- Hey, what happened? I'm sorry.
I I'll tell you later.
I didn't mean to barge in.
No, not at all.
I, um I wanted to introduce you to everyone.
Hey, we need a tie-breaker.
Are you Team Nancy or Team Tonya? A very difficult combination.
- Triple toe loop.
- Are those skater people? And another! I'm just gonna go to bed.
Into the program only three minutes.
Now going into the hardest triple a triple lutz.
You know, the next time you hear a drip Damn it! you might want to try a gentler approach.
Ow! Ow.
I know how this looks, by the way.
Like I'm having some pathetic, early mid-life crisis.
Got the bike, the truck, the trailer.
No.
No, on the contrary.
Actually, no, you took a risk, you got out of your "comfort zone.
" I'm proud of you.
Right.
My new home got stuck in the mud.
Yeah, well, happens to the best of us.
There's no shame in asking for a little help now and again.
How do you know how to do all this anyway? You come from a long line of trailer folk? Well, truly, that ain't far off.
Here.
Why don't you keep this.
You never know when it's gonna come in handy.
You want a drink? Nope.
I'm good.
But you could run out to my truck and, on the seat, there's my tool bag.
Grab me the plumber's putty out of there.
- Little can.
- Okay.
Thanks.
I'm dirtying up your nail file or brush thing or whatever you I couldn't find it.
Hey, how's your boat? Well, I liquidated whatever I could, zeroed out my IRA.
I was ready to auction off all the furniture.
But I thought well, I thought Diane might notice if her antique buffet turned up missing.
It could work out.
Rover might succeed.
No, I looked at it a couple months ago, it wasn't there yet.
But I liked the model.
Our programmer's been banging his head against the wall for months trying to refine that algorithm.
And Donna won't sell it.
I recognize the signs, this thing is gonna die on the vine.
I mean We're screwed.
We're so screwed, the light from screwed gonna take a thousand years to reach us.
Wait, how screwed are you? We don't got the leadership, we don't got that algorithm, and we don't got that talent.
In a word, darlin', we don't got you.
What part is he stuck on? I'm just saying, Dr.
Katie Herman gives you a lot of ontological attention.
Yeah.
She's friendly.
- Oh-ho! - Nice scratch.
She's not friendly with me.
Yeah, well, how are things with you and Dr.
Cameron Howe? Must be pretty snug out there in that Airstream.
Like two giants living in a thimble.
So close.
Excellent try.
So, it's it's good.
She's, um She's looking for something, and I don't think she's gonna find it in no man's land.
But, um I feel bad, because she's so into it, but I hate it out there.
And I can't stop thinking about click beetles.
What's a click beetle? You call yourself an outdoorsman.
So, you're in the wild, and you hear this clicking sound.
And you think you're going crazy or have sudden onset tinnitus, but in fact, there's an ear-dwelling beetle in your cochlea I'm serious and you turn up dead.
With a beetle next to your head.
Because, you know, it crawls out.
When you die.
Joe, that was in "Star Trek II.
" - Never seen it.
- Yes, you have.
And click beetles are real.
Mm-hmm.
- Yes! - Nice! Wasn't aiming for that one, but it counts.
So what do you think of Gladwell, Bristol and their smokin' VC operation? Well, you know, I was excited about the AOL offer.
Until I wasn't.
And then I was excited about the VC route.
Until I wasn't, so What are you really excited about? This.
You and me.
Here.
Okay If you make this shot, we're taking the VC money.
Fine.
- Ugh! - Ooh! - We're not taking the money.
- Okay, okay.
Rack 'em.
Hey.
Here we go.
Okay, okay.
So Wow! So, uh, as you all know, we got off to kind of a rocky start but last month, suddenly, you really turned it around.
Huh? Just Wow! Uh, credit goes to Cecil for his breakthrough with the algorithm.
- Yay! - Cecil! We are so proud to offer you Series A financing.
To Rover.
To Rover! - Good job.
- Thank you.
- Donna, hey.
- Hey.
I owe you an apology.
I didn't see it at first, but this thing is killer.
I mean, your guy nailed it.
- Yeah.
He really did.
- Yeah.
- To perseverance - Ah.
Hi.
Congratulations.
Well, that must feel really good.
Look, I know it's been a tough one, and given where we were a month ago, it must feel like a curve ball.
But it will pay off, you'll see.
Hey.
You really pulled this off.
And just in the nick.
About a month ago, Donna was gonna dump the whole thing to AOL.
- It's been good for all of us.
- Oh, I agree.
Oh, you know each other, right? So you really cracked the whole thing wide open.
How'd you do it? Uh, Bos actually had the initial idea, what we call the, uh, the "waiting room" concept Yeah, people wait around all the time, they're used to it.
In In real life.
On the web.
Um, I, uh, came up with a "queuing program.
" Um, Now we're the first site to, uh, index entire pages.
Um, you know, um, we had a crawler, but it was a rude one Sure, we had to teach that little sucker some manners.
Excuse me.
I just wanted to thank you.
For not giving up on us.
Uh, you steered the ship.
You should be proud of yourself.
Hey.
So, you're the star of the show.
Y-Yeah.
The, uh the growth has been incredible.
Yeah.
Well, I was just a little bit surprised.
Because, well, you know, you'd struggled for so long.
So I just I have to ask Who wrote the new algorithm? I cannot believe that Rover is getting a Series A term sheet.
Now, all of a sudden, we're up against this capitalized nightmare.
Some new "crawler" interacting with the data indexing, it could kill us We've got to divide our focus just to compete.
But our whole approach, the human touch, it's it's now completely and totally f