Haunted Hotel (2025) s01e01 Episode Script

1
Please, you don't have to do this.
I know.
That's why it's fun!
Huh? Ah!
Please, no!
Somebody help!
Esther, what's wrong?
Stabby, stabby!
Nothing. Just messing with a ghost.
"Stabby, stabby"?
What's that, your catchphrase?
So dumb.
Esther, stop letting ghosts think
they can kill you.
But that was really good acting.
Aw. I'd let you stab me if I could!
Ben, you do not mean that.
He… he doesn't mean that!
Heads up, people. This is not a drill.
Code yellow. No, wait, uh, blue.
Blue and some yellow. It's a code!
Nathan, slow down. What is it?
Did you see a cool bird? Was it a finch?
We have a guest.
This is not a drill.
Ben, make sure we have fresh towels.
Esther, wipe off the bleeding mirror.
Nathan, which is our least haunted room?
Ooh, that's tricky.
There's a lot of ghost debate
over who gets to haunt where they lived
versus where they died. Also, there's--
-Help your uncle find a safe guest room.
-Sir, yes, sir!
Abaddon, out.
You dare command Abaddon,
High Prince of the Black Realm,
cursed descendant of--
-No prison can contain my power!
-This place open?
Absolutely.
Welcome to the Undervale.
Sorry about the mess.
Just inherited this hotel.
Still getting it up and running.
Is that mirror bleeding?
That's mercury.
-It's Napoleonic.
-Fancy.
Ben, where are we on that room?
Still looking. Over.
Ghost! Different ghost.
Ghost orgy.
-Boom. Found one.
-Room 210 is…
-Oh God!
-Right. Jessica moved to 210.
Ee! Uh, Jessica, that's enough.
-Oh God!
-Jessica? Jessica!
Phos hilaron!
You guys really need to learn black magic.
-Room 210 is clear.
-210 it is.
Please let me know
if I can help you with any…
Goddamn it.
Thanks. Oh, uh, there is one thing.
Fat Johnny don't like
his payments being late.
Was that Tony? Oh, that dude's a ghost.
Technically, a death-day looper.
Yeah, thank you, Nathan.
Hey! Who called the cops?
Johnny, you son of a--
Well, it was a good practice run.
If that had been a guest, I think
they'd be enjoying their stay right now.
-Can you change the TV channel?
-Not right now.
Aw!
Ha! Got him!
I did this!
Ma'am.
This… this can't keep happening.
Every time I think we might be okay,
some ghost I didn't know about
comes in and ruins everything.
Maybe you can use the ghosts.
Some are pretty good at my math homework.
And some are good at watching me pee.
It's fine. I pee in the dark now.
The solution is not more ghosts.
It's no ghosts. Ugh!
Are you still mad
about Tony being a ghost,
then shooting you,
then getting shot in the entryway?
We'll get a guest next time.
Hell yeah, we will.
Bad time, Stabby Paul.
Even if we get a guest,
we'll still have ghosts,
so next time,
someone might be killed or possessed
or fall in that bottomless pit
in the garden.
It's not bottomless.
I threw a rock down,
and something threw it back.
See, it's just a deep hole
with something helpful at the bottom.
It said I have kind eyes.
Stay away from the pit, Ben.
Katherine, you're new
to the hospitality industry.
Take it from an old hand,
every hotel has issues.
Not like this. God, between the ghosts
and no guest and Abaddon?
Uh, whoa. What's wrong with Abaddon?
He's a demon trapped in the body
of a little boy from the 1700s.
This vessel requires Froot Loops.
It's Cheerios or nothing!
I'm sorry. Next time I die,
I'll leave someone else a huge hotel.
It's a haunted hotel…
Yeah, it doesn't love that term.
…that I don't know how you got…
Card game with a hooded stranger.
…where you're now trapped as a ghost
with other ghosts.
They're cool once you get to know them.
What more do you want?
Less of that.
This place only works
if the living people make a living.
So work with the ghosts.
A lot of them have business experience.
A lot of them have murder experience.
-What's that?
-My last resort.
An exorcist?
She left a flyer last month.
This place has a reputation.
So do exorcists.
And hiring one
when your brother is a ghost
is extremely insensitive!
What's insensitive is all the ghosts
scaring away our guests.
I have to get rid of them
for this place to have a shot.
Or you let me handle it.
Katherine, trust me. I'm your big bro.
I've always looked out for you.
You locked me in a closet
when I was three.
'Cause you wouldn't stop
playing with my trains.
Give me one day.
This is a communication problem
between you and the ghosts.
-I can fix that.
-How?
Does it matter? If it works,
it's cheaper than an exorcist.
Fine. You have one…
Really, Ezekiel?
In his defense, when he was alive,
this hallway was a bathroom.
Man, being kids in a haunted hotel.
Mama said there'd be days like this.
Am I right?
-What do you want?
-Wow, you are jumpy.
You know what might help? A girlfriend.
I'm not comfortable
talking about my love life.
Or lack thereof, as my bully says.
Then I'll do the talking.
Her name is Annabelle.
She was buried with a diamond necklace
somewhere near the hotel.
She won't tell me where.
But maybe she'd tell a young suitor?
I don't know, Sis.
Flirting with a ghost to find her body,
it all sounds unethical.
Lots of things sound unethical, Ben.
Anyway, she said you were cute.
I'm in.
I get the bones.
It's settled. Old ghosts will watch
the living sleep on odd days.
New ghosts get even days.
-You have town halls?
-You're not supposed to be here.
It's my hotel. I can be anywhere.
Just let me handle this.
Uh, Stabby Paul, can I get a minute?
Boo, everyone.
Boo.
You all know Katherine,
my sister and the new, uh, "owner."
She's having a little trouble
getting guests.
I'm not having trouble.
You're all attacking them.
Not successfully!
Doesn't matter!
The point is,
I thought we could give her some help
using our centuries of hotel expertise.
So let's go around,
say our names, how we died,
and one great hotel idea. Who's first?
Hi. Yeah, I'm Angela,
aka the hallway shrieker.
I fell out of an apple tree.
I think I shriek
because the boy eats a lot of fruit.
And when he does,
it reminds me of my trauma.
Great. No fruit for Ben. Next.
I'm Doug.
I, uh, drowned saving a kid in the river.
Liar!
Okay, let's not get into this again.
A… anyone else?
More wolves in the hotel.
And virgins. Small-town ones.
And always-on-TVs.
Always-on-TVs.
Lots of great thoughts.
We'll lose money on electricity,
but we'll save on fruit.
My turn. I thought
Nathan's plan would be terrible.
-None taken.
-So I came here with my own.
Can someone pass these out?
Ooh!
-Ooh, bad start.
-I'll post it somewhere.
The point is, to avoid conflict
between the living and the dead,
I've made a convenient map
of the places you can and can't haunt.
Can, the attic.
Can't, the guest rooms, the hallways,
the lobby, the dining room,
the garden, and this meeting room.
So let's all clear out.
Meeting adjourned.
Boo!
Are they trying to scare me,
or is that regular booing?
A bit of both.
-Boo!
-Boo!
New approach. Stay in the attic or no TV.
Boo!
You just used "boo" as a greeting.
At least be consistent.
Boo!
Fine. Fine! No TV.
I'm sorry, but--
Damn it, Jessica!
Jessica! Jessica!
So… come here often?
Often? I've been trapped
in this stupid hotel for 90 years,
watching the world move on
while I'm basically frozen in time
in a dress that I don't even like!
I'm 13.
Anyway, I'm Ben… jamin?
I heard someone thinks I have a cute face.
Really? Who?
Uh, no one.
I had bad information. Bye-bye.
Ah, jeez. I'm sorry. Uh, let me just--
No, wait! I haven't had
anything new to read in 20 years…
Did I do that, or did you do that?
We did that.
Ben Jamin, I think we might be… soulmates.
Why are they moaning so much?
I know, like,
nine easier ways to get bones.
Katherine, we all said things
or threw heads that we regret,
but think about the progress made
for the next town hall!
Mom, can I let my girlfriend possess me
to experience pleasure beyond this realm?
Girlfriend? We just need Annabelle's body!
Annabelle? Is… isn't she 90?
She didn't die 90.
I'm getting an exorcist.
Katherine, let's talk about this.
You can't trust exorcists!
Says the ghost.
I tried talking.
I was attacked, and my children
are seducing the dead to rob a grave.
Mom, our whole life has been
you talking about how we need money.
I just wanted to help.
You're right. I forgot how hard
this must be for you. I'm sorry.
-Ben, Mom says you can date the ghost!
-Ugh!
Right on time.
-Can you move, please?
-No.
-I'll just reach through you.
-Uh, no, you won't. That's gross.
Why is that gross?
Why is it gross
to reach through your brother?
This hotel has a darkness!
But it's a weak darkness.
-Unreliable.
-You're good.
I'm Jezmeralda. May I come in?
Two hours alone,
and you haven't asked about her body?
It's been two hours?
Man, true love makes time fly.
True love?
Buddy, you're not seducing her for love.
You're seducing her to make me rich!
I had a whole day planned.
I was going to terrorize birds
using bones you were going to get.
The bones, the bones, I know.
The thing is, that was before I found out
Annabelle and I are soulmates
and I'm a soul conduit.
What? What does that even mean?
Ben-Ben! I'm done with this page.
I honestly don't know,
but I love the female attention.
I'll ask about the body soon. Bye.
Unbelievable.
I know a curse that will make him sleep
for a thousand years.
Do you have a résumé on her?
What if she's just some crazy loner?
-Oh, 214, you don't wanna go in without--
-Candles.
I need more candles!
More candles!
I'm glad you called.
Let's give me a hand.
How did you know this hotel was haunted?
This hotel has a dark history,
Miss Freeling.
Murders, suicides, disappearances.
Before it was a hotel, this was an asylum.
Before that, a prison.
Before that, a different asylum.
Evil is drawn to this place,
and legend says
these grounds hold
one of the six gates to hell.
Oh, and now we're a hell gate.
Big surprise. Classic exorcist upsell.
Dammit, Ezekiel, what did I tell you?
How did you do that?
There's a logic to the supernatural,
Miss Freeling.
Ghosts have power over demons.
Demons over humans.
And with the proper tools,
humans hold dominion over ghosts.
Great, it's weird "rock, paper, scissors."
Now let him go.
Of course.
-Ezekiel!
-What the hell?
He is at peace.
He exploded!
Well, if you prefer, I have other methods.
I could banish them
to a lovely netherworld
beyond space and time.
-Are you ki--
-Netherworld sounds great.
Excellent choice.
Oh, what an interesting mirror.
Katherine, you can't do this.
As the hotel owner, I forbid it!
But you're not the owner anymore.
I'm doing this for us.
Closer, closer.
Come on, you candle-loving son of a bitch.
Run, Candlehead! It's a trap!
No, away from the candle.
The candle's obviously the trap.
The candle…
No!
Next.
-That just leaves the matter of--
-Payment?
Any chance I could pay you
with a ghost-free room?
I'm cash only.
And no, I meant
the matter of the last ghost.
Wait, Nathan?
No. No, no, no, no, no.
I just wanted you to take the bad ghosts.
You saw how he was. How he fought us.
A ghost is a rip
in the fabric of reality, Miss Freeling.
A passageway to the chaotic beyond.
Even one presence will expose your hotel
to more dangerous threats.
It's your choice. Order or chaos.
I do love order.
You love order?
Nathan!
I'll be in my room. Let me know
when you decide if I get to exist.
All right, time's up! Stop kissing!
-Where is she?
-In the bathroom. You have to go.
Not until we have that body.
Wait, why is she in the bathroom?
I don't know. It felt weird to ask.
Ben! Corpse, diamond, riches.
Bones, ritual, apocalypse.
-Huh?
-Nothing.
Fine, I'll ask about her body now, okay?
Just please go.
-Is that why you were with me?
-Annabelle!
You were using me for my body?
No, not at all.
My sister used me
to use you for your body,
but what I felt
while being used was totally real.
Enough living-person lies.
I can't believe this is happening again.
Annabelle, please. Wait, I'm sorry, again?
Looks like you've got things to discuss.
Point us toward your grave,
and we'll be out.
That's right. You're not my first!
I let you lick my heart!
Nathan, I know you're in there.
I can see your feet.
Obviously, I'm not sending you
to some void.
Everything I'm doing here is for you.
Yeah, is it for me?
Or is it because your life fell apart,
so you came to run
your dead brother's failing hotel?
I let you hold that stupid town hall.
It's not stupid.
It's a proud ghost tradition!
Oh my God. What is your obsession
with these ghosts?
They don't have you!
Without you, I'd be the one
stuck in an eternal void.
Well, that's not gonna happen.
You're my brother.
I know.
But I'm also one of them now.
And I can't abandon them and trap you.
So bye, Sis.
No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Bring him back.
Oh, I'm sorry, dear.
I'm afraid the transition is permanent.
I'll give you a moment.
Remember, cash only.
The spirits are purged.
Arise once more, Mortoth!
Master of the damned!
Jezmeralda, what the hell is this?
It is your doom!
Just give it a minute.
Now it is your doom!
But I'm your soulmate, your conduit.
You're a conduit.
I hope I never die
so I don't have to see you again.
Okay, Plan B.
We just dig holes until we find a body.
Starting in here.
Mom!
Oh God. Okay.
Oh! Oh God.
Oh God, oh God, oh God,
oh God, oh God, oh God!
Thanks?
So do chairs hate all tables,
or just that table?
Oh, thank God. Are you guys okay?
Physically, yes.
Emotionally, I've got some work to do.
Run!
-What's going on?
-There's a demon in the hotel.
There's a demon in the hotel?
Does he have treasure?
Is he friends with this rug?
Ben!
Tell Annabelle I died a hero.
Let my son go!
Huh!
Poor little guy was probably just mad
I walked on him with shoes.
Wait. Where's Uncle Nathan?
The exorcist put him in some kind of void.
I have to get him out.
Hi-yah!
-Are we gonna fight a demon?
-No.
I don't even know how we could.
The exorcist said…
"Rock, paper, scissors."
That's why she wanted the ghosts gone.
Yah! Hide me! He's crazy!
Hide you? You summoned him!
I know!
Where's the loyalty?
Focus! Ghosts can fight demons, right?
There must be a way to bring them back.
From the netherworld? I can't!
I would need a channeling tower,
or sacred blood, or a conduit!
I'm a conduit.
It's true. Weird day.
Okay, we have a conduit. Now what?
We use a summoning charm on him
and beat that awful demon.
Go, humans!
Oh, great Mortoth.
I have gathered these mortals here
that you might crush
their heads more easily.
Are you kidding me?!
Oh my God.
Mortoth.
You came for me.
Uh, hey. Do I know you?
It's me. It's Abaddon. From hell.
Oh, right. Abaddon.
How's it going, man?
Come on, man. You don't remember me?
Abaddon, the cobra king, right?
Man, my castle's three doors down.
-Three down from me is an acid pit.
-They tore down my castle?
Ben, how do we use you?
Thank you for asking. No idea.
Seriously, you guys
really need to learn black magic.
Is this gonna feel like earlier?
I'd really rather not in front of my--
Conduit's on.
Hur! Hah!
Nathan?
Nathan, can you hear me?
Nathan? It's Katherine!
Katherine?
Where are you?
In the hotel. I'm outside Ben.
Am I inside Ben?
I think he may be depressed.
Just follow my voice.
There must be a way out.
I think I found it.
I see you.
Nathan, what happened?
If I come back, you'll feel like
you have to stay in the hotel.
We'll both be trapped.
That's not true.
I mean, sort of, but it's a good trap.
Like, family is a trap, you know?
That's the best you can do?
I'm sorry. We've never been
good at communicating.
But I want you to come back.
I want all of you back.
-Can ghosts use the main hallways?
-Fine.
And the TV in the lounge?
Within reason.
Well, uh, what's that mean?
I'm gonna need a specific commitment here.
It means if you don't go
into Ben right now, we're all gonna die!
Katherine says we get unlimited TV!
Everyone into the boy!
Into the boy?
-Into the boy!
-Into the boy! Into the boy!
Any last words?
Rock, paper, ghost, bitch.
No, no. No, wait!
Stop that! You're twisting my arm!
I have an old torturing injury.
Yes!
No!
I'll be back at some point!
Let's do that again.
Betrayed by a fellow demon.
I never thought I'd see the day.
-Ben?
-Annabelle?
I'm sorry I yelled!
-I'm sorry I wanted your corpse!
-Sorry, what?
I wanna be with you forever!
I wanna turn on every TV
in the world for you!
Always-on-TVs.
Cute couple. Bit of an age gap.
Eh! There's always other bodies.
Miss Katherine, I don't love your rules,
but I like 'em better
than an eternal void.
I'll try to stop stabbin'.
Wow, thank you, Stabby Paul.
But a few non-guest stabs
are okay with me.
So long as they're okay with the co-owner.
Wait, co-owner? As in two owners?
With equal power? And I'm one of them!
I definitely need the help.
I'm gonna go stab the mailman!
Everyone, three boos for Katherine!
Boo! Boo! Boo!
You guys need to decide what boo means.
It's all about context.
See, in a group of four or more ghosts…
Boo!