Haunted Hotel (2025) s01e03 Episode Script

1
You've got nothing to…
Hey, everyone! Bet you can't catch me!
…a chance on me
Well, looks like Randy wins again!
I can come back out
if you guys weren't ready.
You wanna see how long
I can hold my breath? Okay!
Ready? Here I go!
Remember the days…
Woo-hoo! That's a record!
Guys?
Guys?
You're accidentally hiding from me again!
No, wait!
Don't kill me!
Oh God, I haven't had sex yet,
and I really want to!
Oh, man, this is the worst thing that's
ever happened to anyone in this spot.
And that's why most ghosts
choose not to celebrate Halloween.
Guys, I have something to say.
It's not easy.
-Ooh, is it "vehement"?
-Oh, that is hard to say.
"Vee-he-ment."
Isn't it "vee-i-ment"?
I always wanna say "vee-he-ment."
-"Vee-he-ment."
-So many ways--
I'm going on a date.
Why would someone date you?
Abaddon, if the next words
out of your mouth
aren't "I" and "sincerely"
and "apologize"--
Whoa, Ben!
It's a demon thing. In Hell, dating is
when you choke somebody with a prune.
And why wouldn't someone do that to Mom?
Kathy, I love this for you!
-So who's the extremely lucky fella?
-Is he rich?
Does he have a good heart, soft touch,
and fast horse?
-Faith Hill.
-His name's Joel.
He owns the copy shop in town.
Let's see what we got here.
Divorced, no kids, 5'10".
He lists jeans as an interest?
-Oh, I love jeans.
-And you wear jeans! It's fate.
It's a first date.
I just wanted to make sure
you kids are okay with this.
Only thing I care about is your happiness
and who's in charge while you're gone.
-It's Ben.
-Ben Ben?
Ben Grover Freeling Ben?
Ben couldn't lead a river to the ocean!
Ben can't even look me in the eye!
-I don't like conflict.
-Wait. Why am I not in charge?
-There's a fire. What do you do?
-I'd go find Ben and…
Oh! Well played, Kathy.
Hey, quick Q about my power.
Say a couch gets a bad stain.
I'm talking tomato sauce on velvet bad.
-Am I authorized to steam clean or--
-Esther, you're in charge.
-Excellent choice, Mom.
-Oh, I have to figure out what to wear.
The blue dress you wore when we had the
consult with that children's therapist,
the brown boots you wore
when Abaddon fell out the car,
and the jacket I told you
made me see my mom as a woman.
I notice.
But maybe he keeps haunting the same room
because he likes you.
Esther, love the blazer.
Thanks. It's amazing what you can find
in guests' rooms when they run screaming.
I've got big plans for this place.
First, this night goes perfectly.
"Wow," Mom thinks. "I can leave Esther
in charge all the time."
I quietly amass power,
give free rooms to local officials
so I can spy on them.
Suddenly, I'm a major player
in town politics,
and I get them to reinstall
the park's dangerously fast metal slide!
And I'll man the front desk.
And I'll sit under the desk.
Yep, drive on up, and if you see a guy
with candles, you're at the right place.
Hey, sniff you soon, Brockton.
Brockton? Brockton Chun?
Why would he be talking to you?
I told him he and his friends could
come over for a party while Mom's gone.
This is my chance to prove that I'm cool.
I just hope that I got enough shrimp.
Whoa!
The shoes you were wearing when
the grocery store declined your card.
Changed my mind. I don't wanna go.
-What?
-She said, "I don't want to go."
You're gonna waste that bold lip?
Mom, I just got off the phone
with the idiot store.
They said you're their best customer!
It's just not a good time.
I'm behind on laundry,
the back staircase disappeared again,
and what if the date is bad?
Kathy, listen to me.
This date is gonna be terrible.
-Sorry, what?
-It's your first date since your divorce.
That's gonna suck no matter what.
But that takes the pressure off.
-Just knock it out.
-Knock it out!
-Knock it out! Knock it out!
-Abaddon! Abaddon!
Okay, I'll go on the date.
But call me if anything tries
to take over the hotel or if there's--
Stay out as long as you need!
You can't rush love!
Or deep dish pizza!
It usually takes 40 minutes.
Hi. I'm meeting someone.
Joel. It's our first date.
I'm not expecting anything.
But in a realistic way,
not a pessimistic way.
Buongiorno, matey.
Oh, okay…
What kind of restaurant is this?
Uh, Katherine? Sorry I'm late. I'm Joel.
But my friends call me Toner
on account of all this muscle.
I'm kidding. It's because I buy
so much toner for my copy shop.
Also, no one calls me Toner.
So Joel is fine.
Yeah.
No way, dude. What are you doing?
Lavender-scented hand towel?
Brockton! Thanks for coming, my man.
Sup, Bend? We need cups.
I thought we might.
Did he call him Bend?
I hope no one has a problem
with teen kissing,
'cause I think
we're in for a lot of it tonight.
So today's specials are
the peg-leg plant parmigiana,
the chicken eye patch-iatore,
spaghetti and cannonballs,
and the arr-abbiata.
Give an "avast"
if ye be craving a cocktail.
-Interesting place.
-I love this place.
-Oh, uh, sorry, do you not like--
-No, no, no. It's great.
Oh, dang it.
I can't believe this,
but there's a leak at the hotel.
Oh, there's also a leak at my shop.
-Oh no. Well, nice meeting you.
-You take care.
Sorry, did you really get a text?
Are you asking that
because you didn't get a text?
-Look, it's nothing personal.
-Oh, uh, same.
Uh, you seem great,
but my brothers made me do this.
They said if I just went on one date, I'd…
Get the bad one out of the way.
Well, we did it.
I, uh, hope your good date
is just around the corner.
Wait, since this date is doomed,
there's no pressure in staying, right?
We can practice.
I do need practice.
Have ye made up yer minds?
You know, I think we have.
Yeah, I'll come back.
Welcome to the Undervale.
We know about the smell, and we're trying.
What a fascinating mask.
And I see it's a bit wet.
You know, we have
a great laundry service, I think.
Whoa! Think your eyeholes
might be a little off there, bud.
So your eyeholes are fine.
I'll do it! I'll do it.
Uh, you know, there's an excellent
bed and breakfast in town.
Yeah, beans.
A gym teacher can't make you
come back if you leave.
Josh-man, you grab some shrimp?
Sienna! Shrimp it up!
Hey, Kev, the shrimp's going fast.
Yo, Bend, we are looking
to make this party a little more private.
Could you hook us up with room keys?
Ooh, I don't know, Brockton.
Can I?
-Nice.
-Where are you all off to?
Upstairs.
Oh yeah, that's real funny
because, uh, upstairs is just rooms,
and, uh, to have a room,
you'd have to be checked in,
and as the person in charge,
I don't remember checking you in.
I checked them in. See you up there.
What are you doing?
What are you doing
undermining my authority?
Do you want a time-out?
I don't think you have that power!
Ben, quick question.
Did you hire a prop comic for your party?
No.
-Okay, great. Then that's just a killer.
-What?!
Silver lining. He walks super slow.
That's not enough silver lining!
-How do we even know he's a killer?
-Because he killed me.
You're that ghost who spies on Mom
while she does aerobics.
-I'm Randy.
-But what's your name?
Sorry. Little name joke for ya.
Forty years ago,
the Pillowcase Killer attacked me
and my friends by the lake.
And every year since,
he comes back on the same night
to kill people who are doin' it.
Wait, he killed you for having sex?
Oh yeah, big-time.
-Yeah, we need to call Mom.
-What? Why?
Mom told us to call if something
was trying to take over the hotel.
According to Randy,
this guy's just trying to kill people.
Well, the spirit of her request was--
The spirit of her request
was I'm in charge.
And you're not ruining this for me,
or I will bury you with the potatoes!
So specific.
It'd be nice
to let Katherine enjoy her date.
Oh, she's dating?
Does that mean more aerobics, or…?
I do need more time to convince
the cool teens I'm one of them.
See? We got every reason
to handle this ourselves.
-But we should probably move.
-And warn the horny teens upstairs.
Okay, that's my bad.
-Wait, where'd he go?
-Classic creepy killer stuff.
Always disappearing on ya.
Until he reappears to kill my friends!
Acquaintances.
Not if we stop him.
It's a simple two-part plan.
Part one, Ben and I will make the teens
leave before they're killed.
Wait, wait, wait. Make them leave?
I'm trying to make them think I'm cool.
So make them think you're cool while
telling them to stop kissing and get out!
I feel set up to fail.
Part two, Uncle Nathan will stay with
the killer so we don't lose track of him.
Great. I've been wanting
to talk to this guy.
This might sound crazy,
but I think I can reach him.
No one can reach that man. He's immortal.
He's powerful.
And ten years ago,
he stole my trilby.
Sorry, what's a trilby?
-It's a brimmed hat.
-Oh, like a fedora.
It's nothing like a fedora!
And tonight is the night I take it back.
But why would he take a hat?
And why would he still have it on him
ten years later?
Why am I still talking to you?
Okay, it's a three-part plan.
We save the stupid horny teens.
Nathan tracks the killer.
-Abaddon gets his hat.
-Make that four parts.
We remain great friends.
I just always leap
to the worst-case scenario.
People think the glass
is half-full or half-empty.
I'm like, "Put down a coaster!"
Oh, but sometimes the worst possible
scenario is the scenario.
I've got problems at the copy store
you wouldn't believe.
What, paper jams?
I wish. Stray cats making copies.
-Huh?
-Yeah, I know it sounds crazy.
I don't know how they get in.
I've sealed every gap I can find,
but every morning, there's cats in there.
Wait. Why do they wanna come in?
I don't know!
But all it takes is one paw
on the wrong button,
and I get hundreds of double-sided
color copies of a cat butt.
These cats are ruining my life,
and no one believes me.
No, I believe you. I'm actually dealing
with something similar.
-Oh gosh.
-That's not gonna come out.
-Do you wanna keep this bad date going?
-I was thinking the same thing.
Let me just call my kids
and tell them I'll be late.
-Hello!
-How's it going?
Uh, let's see. Mostly good.
We've got a very small problem
with a masked--
Everything's right as rain, Mom!
Ben made cookies,
and we're settling in for Parcheesi.
We won't be up too late.
You take your time now.
Why?
Hey, bud.
Gonna tag along with you for a while.
Hope that's cool.
You're a year too late for that.
I'm Nathan. And you are?
Ooh, persistent.
I'm not gonna call you Pillowcase Killer.
How about PK? So what's your deal, PK?
I know you're sex negative,
but I'm unclear why.
What's with the hand rake?
Are you a gardener?
Or did you kill a gardener?
Ooh, were you molested by a gardener?
Sorry. Sad if true.
You don't know where you're going.
Oh, I see.
You came down this hallway
to look at that vase.
I got good news, PK.
The fact that you feel the need to perform
for me means we're bonding.
Speaking of friends,
this is my ward, Abaddon.
Give me back my trilby!
Gentlemen, can we do battle
without doing property damage?
You think mere impalement will stop me?
I was born impaled.
-Who are you?
-I am vengeance.
He's vengeance!
Too bad I'm dead.
I could be the life of this party.
What's the fastest way
to kick 'em out? Window, right?
Just give me more time with them.
These teens are very hard to impress.
Stabaddon! Stabaddon!
-Well, that's disappointing.
-Stabaddon!
Everyone needs to leave right now.
If you kiss, you will die!
Stabaddon! Stabaddon!
Uh, PK, this is a great opportunity
for personal growth.
Let's channel these homicidal feelings
into something productive.
Uh, for example, why not use that
hand rake to tend to a strawberry patch?
Come harvest time, you have a bumper crop
that you turn into jam and sell--
We gotta go, Stabaddon!
-No!
-You were supposed to warn us!
I thought he had a handle
on his murderous urges.
PK, relapse is a normal part of recovery!
-Where are you going?
-To get my hatchet!
So you ever print anything
I would have seen?
Did you like the restaurant menus?
My shop laminated them.
I loved those menus. And the font.
The restaurant actually chose the font.
What's wrong?
Did you not actually like the menus?
No, I did, and I… I really like you.
But I was thinking about
how if we hook up and it goes badly,
I can't go to your copy store.
But if it goes well, then I'll feel
obligated to go to your copy store.
I was thinking my parents will have
to stay at your hotel when they visit.
They're terrible tippers.
What is wrong with us?
Okay, no more thinking
about what can go wrong.
We expected a bad date, we got a good one.
Let's make it great.
Baby, all we have is tonight.
I printed a thousand copies of that
on flyers for an orgy.
Oh!
Uh, sorry, it's not a lot of room.
I know a place with lots of rooms.
See? How do you catch anyone
walking this slow?
You run when no one is looking!
Oh wait, that's bad. Run, teens!
It's a simple four-part plan.
Nathan tracks the killer,
Ben distracts the killer,
Abaddon attacks the killer,
and I get the teens out.
-How do I distract him?
-Figure it out!
Wait, I know how to distract him
and make us look cool.
It's okay. He's not a bad guy.
He's just a… a confused guy
in need of a friend.
And in a way, aren't we all?
Oh my God, his arm!
He might be a slightly bad guy.
Hey, Pillowcase,
you hate horny teens, huh?
Check this out.
What's cool about this?
Ben, we're saving their lives.
There's nothing cooler.
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mm.
I'm worried about Bend.
Run for your lives, horny teens!
Ha! I'm sorry!
Oh, it was their hands.
That makes more sense.
This hotel sucks!
And that's why I'm in charge.
Hey, hey, can I get some water, please?
Is the faucet in your room broken?
Done.
Katherine uses packing tape.
Esther, how was your night?
You know, really good.
-Just about to get this one to bed.
-Oh, I don't sleep.
Uh, why doesn't he sleep?
-He does.
-I don't.
He means he has nightmares.
-I am the nightmare.
-I'm Joel.
Anyway, Joel and I are going upstairs
to look at the art.
Sorry, bud.
I know how much killing
those horny teens meant to you.
I'd say you'll get 'em next time,
but I don't want that.
Frankly, I don't think you do either.
You can hide in the woods,
but you can't hide from yourself!
You know what I see when I look at you?
A man who cares what people think of him,
who loves making a difference,
and who clearly has a passion
for vintage hand tools.
And a man like that…
Sorry. I'm sorry.
Are you still looking at me?
PK, listen to me.
If you kill my sister,
we are no longer friends!
I just wanted the cool kids
to think I was cool too.
Aw, champ, don't worry about what I think.
Whoa! He runs?
Only when his victim can't see him.
He really cares how he's perceived.
Also, he's going after your mom.
What? Why? She's just upstairs
looking at art with Joel.
That's what that means?
Why the heck didn't you tell Mom
there was a killer in the hotel?
Because there wasn't.
I didn't know he'd come back.
He probably just wants
to apologize for killing me.
I think he's just having
a really hard time right now.
I can still handle this.
It's a five-part plan.
We all split up--
Remember me?
The guy you killed for having wild sex?
PK, listen to me.
You can't murder your insecurities away.
Prepare for 50 pounds of pain!
What do we do? He's gonna kill Mom.
And I'm at a very weird age
to become an orphan.
Screw this. It's a one-part plan.
I kick his ass.
Hey, pillow face! Time for bed.
-Oh!
-Oh! Oh God.
-Oh God.
-I've done that.
Ew, sorry!
That man is on fire!
Esther? Sweetie, you okay?
I don't wanna be in charge anymore.
Checking in for two nights.
Mother, there's a fair in town.
Please, can we go?
Good night.
Mother?
You disgusting boy!
Cover your face!
You're a monster! Cover it now!
What are you doing? What are you do--
PK? Did my words finally heal you?
Wait, wait, wait. That's not a ghost?
Was he trying to murder us?
Technically yes,
but I don't think his heart was in it.
Give me back my trilby!
Whoa. He did have it.
That's for killing my friend!
That's what happens 40 years later
when you mess with Randy!
-Got it!
-Looks great, bud.
It looks like a fedora.
Where's the guy?
What guy?
You know, moms doing it is natural.
It's how we all got here.
I swear to God, Randy!
Why don't we give Esther some space
to process the loss of her childhood?
Then can we process
how badass you were back there?
You totally avenged me!
You know, you're the coolest guy
I've ever met aside from myself.
I feel the same way!
So I guess we got
that bad date after all, huh?
I feel like I witnessed several crimes.
Yeah, that happens a lot here.
So wanna do this again sometime?
I'd like that.
Oh no, it's the cats!
They're inside again, and they've got
three machines running full color copies
of their stupid little cat paws!
Bye, Joel.
Esther! Hi.
Sorry. Hi!
Don't talk! I just want you to know,
I've seen a lot of disturbing things
in this hotel.
I thought I could handle anything,
but what I saw when that door opened
was the worst thing I've seen in my life.
It has rocked me to my core,
and I never want to see
something like that ever again.
Okay, s… sorry? What can I do?
You can start by calling a child therapist
and then ten more!
I've lost my innocence,
and it's never coming back!
How about I read you a bedtime story?
Yeah, okay.
Walked the grounds. No sign of PK.
Good. I hope he's gone.
More importantly,
I hope he's okay.
Yeah, that's not more important.