Haunted Hotel (2025) s01e08 Episode Script

1
No one's coming to the hotel in this.
I'm closing up for the night.
And I'm starting my self-care wind-down.
Because Ben deserves it.
And I'm gonna keep watching TV
'cause ghosts don't have to sleep.
You've mentioned. Many times.
Two, one.
With a heart of steel…
Two, one.
Hoo!
This cabin's been abandoned for 50 years.
All the stars were shining bright
And then he kissed me
I'm telling you,
there's something in here with us.
-Abaddon.
-Esther.
Who can say…
It's a weasel vampire!
It's alive.
It's alive!
It's… bedtime. Crap.
-Abaddon.
-Esther.
I don't sleep! I don't, uh, sleep.
-Good night, Mom.
-Good night, Ben.
Hmm.
Mom, is it morning?
Sorry. Good night, Esther.
"Is it morning?"
So, uh, what's in those pancakes?
-We talking nutmeg or--
-Just… Just cinnamon.
Oh, I loved cinnamon.
Hey, for this bite, when you taste
the cinnamon, can you go, "Mm, cinnamon"?
Mom, please join us.
Guys, I have exciting news.
Aunt Rose is coming to visit.
-What's wrong with Aunt Rose?
-Kathy, I'm an open-minded guy.
I like everyone.
I befriended ghosts
that killed their entire families
in truly unspeakable ways.
Sorry, why?
Because I like everyone.
Except Aunt Rose! The woman is just mean.
Her saying I have a weird lip
is the whole reason I have a mustache.
She makes me rub her shoulders,
and then complains I'm not doing it right.
Then stop asking, Aunt Rose!
Aunt Rose can be… scrappy,
but she's our family, and we love her.
-Also, she's had a tough life.
-Has she?
I think I remember
something about the Dust Bowl.
Ben, can I steal you away for a sec?
Totally. I just might have to be back soon
to massage Aunt Rose.
Aunt Rose is coming?
I wish I was dead like Uncle Nathan.
That's right. I'm dead!
I couldn't talk to her
even if I wanted to, which I don't.
Ha! Being dead, you've done it again.
Well, like her or not,
I could still use all of your hel--
Great! You know what?
More Aunt Rose for me.
You're out of this.
You have a secret laboratory?
It's not like I can do black magic
in the hotel.
I mean, I can,
but it didn't work out for our brother.
-What brother?
-Right.
So I've got good news and bad news.
Ooh, I love good news.
Ah, but I really hate bad news.
The good news is
I brought a corpse back to life.
The bad news is
he attacks people for, like, no reason.
Dan, no!
You raised the dead?
Ah, the amulet did most of the work.
Esther, what do you even need
a dead guy for?
-Dan!
-Yeah, his name is Dan.
Remember how I led a rebellion at lunch
because they discontinued chocolate milk?
-You put the mascot heads on spikes.
-And cocoa powder in the air ducts.
The principal wants to talk to a parent
about my "continual radical behavior."
If I tell Mom, she'll ground me.
But you know who won't?
A corpse pretending to be my dad.
At a certain point, just call Dad.
We only have a little time to train Dan.
I need you to sit in as the principal.
-Dan!
-Look, I'll call Dad right now.
It's a two-hour drive.
Unless he moved again without telling us.
Ben, I don't need Dad.
I just need you to help Dan practice.
I'll do it
if I can wear my old-man makeup.
This will be fine.
-Yes.
-Better than fine.
-Great.
-Yes.
-She's probably mellowed with age.
-Yes.
Is that her?
Yeah, that's her. Coming!
Mm. Hmm.
Interesting.
Aunt Rose, welcome to the Undervale.
It's about time!
I was worried you'd leave me
standing in this driveway
until the sun went down
and wolves took me.
Well, I'm here now. You look well.
Well, I'm not. I have multiple maladies,
and they are conspiring to destroy me!
If this cold air you left me in
doesn't kill me first.
Then let's get you inside.
-Ugh. She's worse than I remember.
-She's fine. She's just old.
Katherine, bring my bags inside
before they're stolen!
That's a smart idea, Aunt Rose.
Okay, Dan, we're gonna go over this
one more time.
When we get in the room,
you sit in the chair next to me.
You don't attack anyone.
Then the principal talks.
You don't attack anyone.
Then you nod your head,
and you don't attack anyone!
-Ben, how you feeling?
-Worried he's gonna attack me again.
I just I told him not to.
Right. It's just you told him that
last time too.
-Dan!
-Dan's body isn't getting any fresher.
Mr. Freeling, thank you for coming in.
Can I offer you some scotch?
This blend is from the Highlands.
Maybe being tied up is scaring him.
Being tied up
is keeping him from killing me!
-Dan!
-Dan, don't kill Ben.
Ben, if he kills ya, I'll bring you back.
I just really think
we should revisit the Dad option.
We'll get it on the day!
What kind of business doesn't have stamps?
We have stamps, Aunt Rose.
You just didn't like ours
because they have
famous women in history on them.
They all look so pleased with themselves.
This entire hotel is in shambles.
I certainly wouldn't pay
to spend the night here.
Well, you didn't. So what a deal!
I suppose you're doing your best.
It's your idiot brother
who left you with this mess.
I don't know if that's fair to say.
But I'm sure your feelings are colored
by a traumatic past.
I don't like to speak ill of the dead,
but Nathan was an absolute failure
from birth to death.
You could make a more successful man
out of a sack of beans.
At least beans make soup,
and they don't have a hideous mustache.
I grew that mustache
because of a lip insecurity you gave me!
Nathan, what happened to hiding?
I tried, Kathy.
I stood idly by
while this walking argument
for elder abuse assaulted my character.
But a man has a limit!
It's been 20 minutes.
And it felt like 40.
What's going on?
You made a ghost angry.
Feel free to run away screaming.
Or get uncomfortably close.
How did this happen?
We don't know exactly.
But he's still Nathan.
Nothing to be afraid of
in this otherwise normal hotel.
Say the 20th century
is better than the 18th century.
Right after you meet my friends.
Lewis and Clark!
Normal, except when you die here,
you become a ghost.
And there's a ghost train.
Interesting.
-Everyone knows you run this place.
-Huh?
I said, are you dating anyone?
You know, maybe it's that I got
my wisdom teeth out an hour ago,
and they told me they used too much gas,
but you're the best guy I ever met.
Just go easy on the insurrections.
Only if you go easy on injustice.
She's a handful.
-But she's got a great dad.
-Dan!
We don't wanna take
more of the principal's time.
He should probably sleep off the gas.
Nancy, I'll be in my office,
dancing with all these butterflies.
That was amazing!
So fun! And the perfect appetizer
to the entrée of reburying Dan.
Ben, we can't bury Dan now.
He's finally getting the hang
of not attacking anyone.
Dan, you wanna rent a car
and go buy fireworks?
Dan!
I've taken pictures of everything,
and all these boxes have dye packs!
Kathy?
Aunt Rose, this is… fun. What's going on?
I'm moving in so I can die here
and become a ghost.
-What?
-Okay, fellas.
It's all going back in the truck!
It's okay if you break it.
But…
Uh, you don't know when you're gonna die.
I mean, it could be years.
Haven't you been listening?
I'm a very sick woman.
Oh, you've been saying that forever.
And the doctors finally agree with me.
I have days left.
Careful with that ficus!
I want it to die with me!
Kathy, this is all
a really mean prank, right?
She's gonna be here forever.
Okay, Dan. This is what we've trained for.
-We actually haven't trained for this.
-Spin!
He may be dead
But he makes me feel alive
He stinks up the room
But I think we'll survive
His limbs fall off
But I'm pretty sure
That's part of this plan
Oh, oh, oh…
-Dan, Dan…
-He's my Dan
He's just saying "Dan."
-Sh. This is the good part.
-Dan, Dan, Dan.
What should we do next? Grill hot dogs?
Mow the lawn? Play catch?
I'm not so sure
he can play catch without a hand.
Dan, what happened to your hand, you goof?
Dan.
Esther, some of us, me mostly,
are growing increasingly concerned
about the emotional bond you're forming
with this decaying man.
What bond? We're friends.
And Dad's having fun.
You mean Dan's having fun.
Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Professor.
No. Come on. You know I don't like it
when you do Mr. Professor.
I didn't realize it was a crime
to misspeak in your classroom.
That's not… No. I'm raising a valid point.
Don't fail me, Mr. Professor!
Ah, just forget it!
Goddamn this inescapable prison.
You. You led me here, and yet?
Hmm. I propose a truce.
I shall call you Jarbon,
after the first man I ever tortured.
Ow.
-Katherine!
-Katherine!
Katherine!
Stop it!
Can't stop, won't stop.
Katherine, he's putting his buttocks
on all my cardigans!
And I'm just getting started.
This buttocks is going everywhere!
The clown figurines,
the knickknacks, the bathroom seashells!
Don't you dare.
Nathan, what's your plan here?
Oh, no plan. Just a full on tantrum
that doesn't stop until she's gone.
Out!
This buttocks is gonna be
the first thing you see in the morning
and the last thing you see at night.
Kathy, you can't let this happen.
Grab her by her bony shoulders
and throw her off the property!
I can't do that.
I can't do that. You just won't.
Can you imagine her as a ghost?
Walls are her only boundary.
I know!
Okay? I mean, you think I want
that bitter old fossil here for eternity?
-I knew it.
-Aunt Rose!
No, no, no, no, no.
We were just rehearsing for a play.
-You always were a terrible liar.
-Wait, where are you going?
I know when I'm not wanted.
I'll just go die in the street.
You're welcome.
-Well, that worked out.
-Did it?
She's gonna die mad at us,
but she'd have done that anyway.
No, I mean what she said.
"I know when I'm not wanted."
But she doesn't. She never has.
And why would she just leave
without all her stuff?
You don't think…
-She's hiding.
-She's going to hide.
-What did you say?
-What?
-She's going to hide.
-She's hiding.
-You first.
-You go.
-Aunt Rose is hiding to die here.
-That's what I said.
Dan, get some rest. Tomorrow, I'm gonna
teach you to build me a tree house.
-Dan!
-Esther!
Tussle my hair?
Dan!
Sorry, Dan…
but I'm doing this for my sister.
Dan!
I was just trying to cut the chain!
Dan.
Wow, that actually worked?
Look, you seem like a great corpse,
but you'll always be a corpse.
And that's not what Esther needs.
You gotta go.
Dan.
Didn't you hear me? Get out of here!
We don't want you anymore.
Dan!
Oh man, he forgot his foot.
Listen up, everyone.
I don't like you, and you don't like me.
But none of us want
my elderly aunt dying here, so--
Wait, you don't like us?
-Yeah, that's not really the point.
-We like you!
You scream at me constantly.
Because I'm a scamp!
I'm sorry. How long have you not liked us?
Nathan, can you take over?
Our plan is a classic smoke and throw.
Smoke her out, then throw her out.
I want a sweep
of the entire hotel inside and out.
If you find her, do not try
to scare her on your own.
She will criticize you. Just bring her in.
Dogs and perverts came back empty.
Oh God, what if she's dead?
-I saw her! I saw her, I did!
-Really? Where?
You think I'm just gonna rabbit?
I may be brown bread,
but I ain't a donkey. I need pie and mash.
-Huh?
-It's Cockney slang. I got this.
Listen, son, a dustbin like you
don't need sugar and honey.
And you're gonna be in Barney
if you don't Murray.
This hotel is in New York.
She's in the sub-basement.
It's come to this.
A demon of the ancient world brought low
by the technology of the new one.
Oh, we lose it all in the end,
don't we, Jarbon?
You would abandon me to rot?
Oh, Jarbon, you eight-legged genius.
Aunt Rose?
Aunt Rose?
If you're down here, please come out.
I wanna hear more about all the neighbors
you think are stealing your mail.
If she's already been murdered down here,
I'm gonna be so ticked!
Just keep following her footsteps…
What the hell?
Language.
Aunt Rose, you're not dead!
Don't sound so relieved.
You don't want me to be relieved
that you're not dead?
Not when I know you don't want me to die.
I have half a mind to kill myself
in front of you.
Step over the property line,
and be my guest.
I expect this from him,
but I thought you were better.
Clearly, I was wrong.
You're a bad person and a bad mother.
And I don't like the way you--
Shut your mouth.
-Kathy--
-No! No. I'm done with this.
I have never been
anything but nice to you.
I always send Christmas cards and call
when I hear you're having oral surgery.
And when you storm out of family events,
I walk you to the car
to make sure you don't slip on the ice.
Have you even noticed
that no one else in the family does that?
Everyone hates you, Aunt Rose!
I stuck around because I felt bad for you,
and you had such a hard childhood.
No, I didn't.
Then why are you like this?!
You're mean, Aunt Rose.
And you need to leave my hotel now.
Fine. I didn't wanna die
in such a rude place anyway.
Make sure she leaves this time.
Gimme space.
You're triggering my vertigo.
Listen, lady. I don't like this
any more than you do.
Dan!
What are you supposed to be?
Well, are you gonna move,
or do I have to pull out my whistle?
If anyone asks, we all saw her
get on a covered wagon.
Dan, this isn't a good way
to process rejection!
Where do you think
that monster got all those shoes?
I did the right thing, right?
I mean, I stood up to Aunt Rose.
And now she won't be a ghost here.
This is good.
A zombie's gonna kill Aunt Rose.
-What?
-We have a zombie?
Esther resurrected a guy
to go to the parent-teacher conference.
Instead of reburying him,
she formed an unhealthy bond.
So I freed him to make him leave,
but he came back and grabbed Aunt Rose.
He also taught me to shave.
I mean, he shaved me.
But I learned things.
-You tried to get rid of Dan?
-You had an unhealthy relationship!
And now so do we
because I'm never talking to you again!
Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Which way did the zombie go?
We're almost there.
No!
Jarbon! Go on without me!
Spin webs that grow heavy with flies.
Allies to the end.
Then let us be rid of this place.
Victory!
Pathetic doorstop, you are no match
for the combined might
of Abaddon and Jarbon.
Jarbon?
Jarbon?
Jarbon!
-Are we sure he went this way?
-Looks like his arm did.
Somebody, help!
I'm being taken by a decaying man!
Aunt Rose, I'm coming!
Hm?
-Dan!
-Aunt Rose!
Does anyone else feel a weird…
It's the property line.
Uncle Nathan can't go past it.
Which means Aunt Rose
is off hotel property.
Which means no turning into a ghost!
Problem solved.
I mean, as much as a woman
being torn apart by a zombie
counts as a problem solved.
-Kathy?
-I'll see you when we get back.
You're still going after her? Why?
Because I treat family
better than she does!
-God, I hope that's your zombie's leg.
-This way!
Wait, I see something over here!
Aunt Rose, are you okay?
Why? Are you going to send another man
to finish me off if I'm not?
Aunt Rose!
You always were my favorite.
You know I'm Katherine, right?
You still have the necklace I gave you.
This? No, I've had this since--
Your fifth birthday?
I knew you forgot.
I hope you'll remember me.
I'm getting you out of here.
God, you have hands
like a Nebraskan potato farmer.
Please shut up.
Esther?
Over here. I need light.
I mean, looking good, bud.
Honestly, what is the point
of an amulet that raises the dead
if it can't keep their limbs attached?
-Esther, maybe it's time.
-No! I can fix him.
I know, but I worry you're using Dan
as a stand-in for Dad.
Of course I am. I'm not dumb, Ben.
You know?
Then why not just call Dad?
I do call Dad!
I call, and I text, and I send photos,
and all he ever replies with
is a thumbs up.
So yeah, raising a dead guy
to be my dad was the easier option.
That doesn't make it a good option.
Yeah. Okay.
Goodbye, Dan.
Dan…
Want me to put on my old man makeup
and give you a piggyback ride?
Yeah, why not?
Katherine, why are you hauling Aunt Rose
back toward the hotel?
If she wants to be a ghost,
she can be a ghost.
I know she has her flaws,
but there's good in her.
She got me this necklace.
Right, Aunt Rose?
Your mother told me
she wanted to get it for you.
I bought it before she could
to make her feel like a bad mom.
No, she was always bad.
She really was.
-She would've been a ghost by now, right?
-It's different for everyone.
Took me days to--
What's happening? Where am I?
-Hi, Aunt Rose.
-Hi, Aunt Rose.
Wait, did I die? Am I a ghost?
Ha! This is fantastic.
Look how high I can kick.
And you, all I ever wanted
was to see a look of absolute defeat
on both of your faces.
And there it is.
It feels so--
Wait, what just happened?
I think her unfinished business
was to know we'd be miserable forever.
Huh.
We should probably call an ambulance.
Oh, Aunt Rose would've complained
the lights were burning her retinas.
Now she's complaining to angels.
Or demons. Probably demons.
Should I ask them about the zombie?
Ah, it seems pretty resolved to me.
This is nice. Returning Dan to the earth.
Hey, why is Abaddon burying a spider?
Because he was a hero.
It was nice to have a dad for a while.
-Maybe another dad will turn up.
-Dads don't just turn up, Ben.
Ben! Esther!
You guys wanna watch cartoons
and drink soda
while I tell you how things were better
when I was a kid?
-Yes!
-Coming!
Well…
…I reckon not everyone who dies
at this old haunted hotel gets to stay.
But me, I'll be around here a while,
playing this here guitar,
peeking at folks in the shower
from behind the shampoo bottles.
-Who are you talking to?
-They done caught us! Skedaddle!
He scares off dogs
But he puts me at ease
He's terrifyingly strong
He threw me into some trees
He gives great hugs
And even though my brother isn't a fan
Oh, oh, oh, oh
-He's my Dan
-He's my, he's my, he's my Dan
-He's my, he's my, he's my Dan
-Oh, he's my Dan
He's my, he's my, he's my Dan
-Oh, he's my Dan
-He's my, he's my, he's my Dan