I Didn't Do It (2014) s01e20 Episode Script

Logan! Logan, are you okay? I don't know.
Are you you? And is everybody everybody? He's confused and disoriented.
He's okay! It is you.
I love you, Lindy.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
You better call the doctor.
He's not okay.
Back away from the cookies.
They're for the tree-trimming party.
I don't know what you're talkin' about.
And they just came out of the oven.
Whoa! I don't know what you're talkin' about.
That is gross! You don't even know what I'm doing.
Everything you do is gross.
Everything you do is gross.
I heard that.
There she is.
The most wonderful mommy in the world.
I'm filled with so much holiday spirit, love and appreciation for you.
Aw, that's so sweet, Logan.
You're still not going on the ski trip.
It's not fair.
You grounded me for no good reason.
No good reason! I still can't believe you broke my chandelier skateboarding in the house.
I can't believe it either.
I've never jumped that high before.
Or ever will again.
How do you even know it was me? Aside from the skateboard sticking out of the wall that reads "the loganator," Lindy told me.
"Silent night.
" How ironical.
Wasn't so silent the night you snitched on me.
What was I supposed to say? That a poltergeist entered your body, levitated you up to the chandelier, ripped it out of the ceiling, and wedged your skateboard into the wall? Sure.
Now you come up with the perfect cover story.
Come on, Logan.
It's Christmas.
I don't wanna fight with you.
I promise, I'll never rat you out again.
Hey, the upstairs toilet is clogged.
I'd like to know which one of you is responsible.
I'm not gonna say anything.
What? I didn't say anything.
Merry Christmas.
Happy holidays.
Happy hanukkah.
So, tonight is my annual tree-trimming party.
You haven't responded to my lind-evite.
Get it? Lind-evite? That's because we're friends, Lindy.
Internet invites are so impersonal.
I'd rather you just asked me.
That is so sweet.
So are you coming to my annual No.
I told Dean I'd meet him for an eggnog smoothie tonight.
You're missing my party for Dean? I kind of like him.
Yeah, and he kinda likes shoplifting.
Jas, he's a bad boy.
But a bad boy with very good hair.
He probably stole it.
Sweetie, I see the attraction.
The bad attitude, the danger, the jailhouse romance.
You're better than that.
Maybe I'm not.
Maybe I'm a bad girl.
A bad girl who's bad to the bone.
Gosh, I'm gonna be late for my ethics class.
Lindy, I don't know if I can make it to your party.
So many presents, so much wrapping paper, so many paper cuts.
How hard is it to wrap gift certificates for flu shots, Dr.
no-germs? Wearing latex gloves? Longer than you think.
You're coming to my party.
Fine.
But I'm bringing my own personal punch cup.
Oh, here come the cheer elves.
Two, four, six, eight, standing out is never great.
G-o-ooo be like everyone else.
Come on, Delia, be nice.
Not everyone has the courage to fly their freak flag like you do.
Aw, thanks, linds.
But I'm not that different from everyone else.
Oh, by the way, I might be a little late to the party.
Tonight's the first night of delianukkah, which means it's my turn to milk the turtles.
Careful, Bert, don't forget the flue.
The flu? That reminds me.
Have a happy and immune holiday.
Thanks, and thanks again for the tetanus shots you got us last year.
Yeah, I think of you every time I step on a rusty nail.
Okay, Delia, it's your turn to hang an ornament.
Anywhere you like.
I suggest the top left.
Higher.
Higher.
Lower.
Perfect.
I'll fix it later.
Lindy, I look ridiculous.
I'm ditching this thing.
No, it's our tradition.
I'm dasher and dancer and prancer and vixen, and you're comet and cupid and donner and humiliated.
I outgrew this thing a year ago.
You never outgrow tradition.
So after we trim the tree, we'll all exchange gifts, drink our eggnog, and then I'll sing "silent night.
" More people are here! What is Christmas without friends? Who the heck are you? I'm angel Santos from guardian plumbing.
I'm here to fix your clogged toilet.
But if you'd rather hold it in till new year's, I'm okay with that.
No, no, no, please come in.
Join the party.
The more, the merrier.
Not in the unclogging business, it isn't.
Upstairs, second door on the left.
Logan, don't change the music.
Nobody harks the heralds until after we jingle the bells and we see mommy kissing Santa claus.
Fine.
No eggnog until you hang an ornament.
Fine.
What are you doing? You don't hang a red next to a red.
- Says who? - Says tradition.
And me.
And that's the problem.
Everything just has to be your way.
It's not the twelve days of Christmas.
It's the twelve days of Lindy.
- Ooh.
- No.
Not a good thing.
You just have to control everything, and I'm sick of it.
This year's gonna be different.
I'm gonna put ornaments where I wanna put ornaments.
You monster! And I'm gonna drink eggnog when I feel like drinking eggnog.
That's actually mine.
And I'm gonna take off this stupid sweater.
No, Logan, not the sweater.
Come on, stop.
Stop.
You're ruining Christmas.
No, you ruined Christmas, and you ruined my ski trip.
You ruin everything I wish you weren't even my sister.
Son, are you okay? Yeah, I I guess so.
The whole tree fell on me.
This tree? No, the real tree.
Where's the real tree? It happened while I was fighting with Lindy.
She is the worst sister ever.
You don't have a sister.
I don't have a sister? I think we'd know if you did.
He doesn't, does he? I don't have a sister! It's a Christmas miracle! Oh, man, I overslept.
I'm gonna be late for school.
Maybe you should take the whole day off.
But you said if I don't get my grades up I'd be in trouble.
What are you talking about? You have a "c" average.
We're thrilled with your progress.
That's why we're sending you on that ski trip.
You should practice before you hit the slopes.
Why don't you skateboard in the house? Bet you can't reach the chandelier.
Are you messin' with my head? Are you okay, Logan? Yeah, I'm fine.
But I did have the weirdest dream last night.
I got bonked on the head, and there was no Lindy.
Look, Logan, we told you, you don't have a sister, and you're never gonna have a sister.
That's right.
Factory's closed.
Of course I have a sister.
Hang on.
Uh One, two Three.
Hey, keep it up, champ, you'll be gettin' b-minuses before you know it.
You guys.
You had me for a second.
Lindy, could you tell mom and dad that You're not Lindy.
And you're not Beyonce.
But I guess you can't have everything.
Wait.
You're playing the piano? Never had a lesson.
What is going on around here? And what kind of plumber are you? I'm angel Santos.
From guardian plumbing.
Get it? No.
Angel.
Guardian angel.
Still not following.
Just tell me what happened to my sister.
You wished that Lindy wasn't your sister, and I granted your wish.
Now, no more Lindy.
That's why your parents are fine with your stinky grades.
They don't have her good grades to compare them to.
Really? I I thought it was all a dream, but no Lindy? No Lindy.
No way! That's just the best gift ever! Thank you, angel.
You're like a guardian ang Oh, I get it now! - Yo.
- Garrett? Your clothes are stained, your hair is filthy, and you're barefoot.
Dude, what's goin' on? I got dressed up today.
Hey, there's half an apple on the floor.
Whew, that boy needs a shower.
Angel, what happened to Garrett? Remember a couple of years back when Lindy stopped Garrett from eating the apple that had the worm in it? Well, without Lindy there, Garrett ate the apple.
He ate the worm, and he liked it.
Got a taste for all things gross and disgusting.
Poor boy never looked back.
Still okay with your wish, Logan? Disgusting Garrett, no annoying sister.
Yeah, I can live with this.
We'll see.
Delia?! Hey, Logan! Well, at least you remember me.
I'm a cheerleader.
I know everyone! Well, except for the people the other cheerleaders tell me not to, because, ya know, you kind of blend in and do what they tell you to do.
Oh, turns out I don't know who you are, after all.
Four, three, two, one, fitting in is super fun! Wow.
So Delia's a cheerleader? She can't stand cheerleaders.
How did she become one? Well, without Lindy encouraging her, she gave up on her individuality.
- Now she just runs with the pack.
- That's terrible.
Maybe Jasmine can talk to her and straighten her out.
Mmm.
Well, she's right over there.
You best be backin' up, son.
Jasmine? Yo, don't nobody call me Jasmine.
The name's j.
K.
J.
K.
! Taste it! The last punk that called me Jasmine needed grill work.
You messed up his teeth? No, his barbecue was broken, which is totally unrelated to this story, I see that now.
Now back off before I back you off.
Well, that's not a very nice way to treat a friend.
Yeah.
When did Jasmine become so mean? Without Lindy keeping Jasmine away from bad boys, pretty soon, she became a bad girl herself.
Wait a minute.
Are you trying to point out that Lindy had a good effect on everybody she came in contact with? Wow.
Hard to believe you're only a "c" student.
Look, Logan, do you know who she had the biggest effect on? Oh, heck, I'll just tell you.
It was you.
Because Lindy never introduced you to Jasmine, Garrett and Delia, they're not your friends.
So who do I hang out with? Well, sometimes, the school nurse lets you hang out in her office, if it's a slow barf day.
What's wrong, kiddo? The nurse kick you out of her office again? Busy barf day? Everything's all messed up.
I mean, without Lindy Well, you guys wouldn't understand.
You know what'll help? Let's decorate the house for Christmas.
Where do we keep the lights and the ornaments? On the shelf At the store.
Why would I waste good money on Christmas decorations? To celebrate Christmas.
- Bah.
- Humbug.
It's Christmas.
Aren't we gonna do anything? We're gonna do what we always do.
Go to the movies, and out for Chinese food with the bernsteins.
You are giving me presents, though, right? Come on.
I don't get it.
How come this family has no Christmas traditions? Because you never showed any interest.
If we had a kid who did care about Christmas, things might be different.
You see, Logan? Without Lindy oh, don't bother.
I get it.
I need Lindy.
Okay, I want my sister back.
I miss her.
She was like a sister to me.
Come on, you've gotta do something, angel.
I want my sister back.
I'm sorry, Logan, but a wish is a wish.
Then I wish to unwish my wish.
If you ask me, you're a little wishy-washy with your wishes.
And you only get one.
I thought you always get three wishes.
You must be thinking about genie's plumbing.
Get it, genie? - No.
- Shocking.
The only way to get things back is by you recreating the events that led up to the original wish.
Then and only then will your Christmas unwish come true.
That seems kind of arbitrary.
Do you want your sister back or not? Yes.
Yes, of course.
But my friends from the first party aren't my friends anymore.
How do I get Lindy there if there is no Lindy? Well, technically, there is no Lindy.
But that doesn't mean there is no Lindy.
It's Lindy.
She's back.
I can't believe you're here.
Me either.
I was totally gonna call in sick and watch cartoons in my jammies, but I couldn't reach the remote.
You work here after school? - Instead of school.
- Graduated early? Dropped out.
So your change is, like, three dollars.
One.
Two.
Lindy, what is wrong with you? Dude, you made me lose my count.
Now I gotta start over.
One.
- Two.
- But you're so smart.
Dude, you did it again! No one talk for one second.
- One.
- Angel, do something.
Two.
So without Lindy, even Lindy's not as good as Lindy? That's right.
She was born into another family.
She had a brother that was so smart, it made her feel insecure.
So she never bothered studying.
Hey, maybe that's why I don't try hard in school.
Nah, you're just lazy.
Get her to that party.
And three.
Nailed it! Um Listen, I'm havin' a tree-trimming party at my house tonight.
You wanna come? - No way.
- I'll pay you $100.
- What time? - Uh, here's the address.
Be there at 7:00.
Where am I gonna get $100? Could you do that freeze-y thing again? My tips! Mom, dad, could you come up here? Sure, partner.
Let me just fetch your mother.
What's with the little sweater? You look ridiculous.
I look ridiculous?! You guys look like you just climbed off my pajamas from when I was six.
It's Thursday.
It's line-dancing night.
Who's ready to get their boot-scootin' boogie on? No one's bootin' or scootin'.
Okay? It's Christmas.
We're having a tree-trimming party.
Why would we have a tree-trimming party when we don't even have a tree? Or do we? Step this way.
What happened to the house? And who are these people? Where did that tree come from? Don't be alarmed.
I work for the city.
Excess joy violation.
I picked it up when I went out for a smoothie.
It was buy one, get one tree.
Oh, mom, dad, I'd like you to meet someone very special to me.
Lindy.
Oh, do I have to walk all the way over there? Aw, is this your girlfriend? Eww!! Hey, I know why I'm saying "eww," but why are you saying "eww"? It just feels "eww.
" Very, very "eww.
" Like that sweater.
But this is comet, cupid and donner and blitzen.
It's also ugly and stupid and very offensive.
No, it's adorable.
Here's yours.
Put it on.
No way! This party is lame.
I'm outta here.
No, wait.
There's some fun people here you should really get to know.
I like your neck bling.
Give it to me.
Okay, you've met j.
K.
J.
K.
! Delia, this is Lindy.
Give me an "I," give me an "I" Give me a break.
And this is Hey, where's Garrett? Oh, there he is.
Hey, you know that dip's for everyone, right? Oh, I'm sorry.
You want some? This party's weak, and I can't fit any more silverware in my bag.
I'm bouncin'.
Me, too.
This party stinks.
It didn't before you got here.
If they're leaving, I'm leaving.
You guys go first, I'll follow.
And we're goin' to the dance barn.
No, you can't leave.
Everything has to be the way it was before to get Lindy back.
Get me back? I'm right here.
But not for long.
I'm gone.
Angel! I can't do anything.
It's gotta happen exactly as it happened the first time.
It's like you're makin' this up as you go along.
Okay, fine.
You're on your own.
Good luck.
Wait.
Man, that is one ugly sweater.
You've gotta stay.
The magic won't work if you're not here.
Okay, now you're just creeping me out.
And so is this sweater.
How did you get it on me? No, you've gotta keep that on.
I wish you were my sister again.
I wish you were my sister again.
Logan, are you okay? I don't know.
Are you you? And is everybody everybody? He's confused and disoriented.
He's okay! It is you.
I love you, Lindy.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
You better call the doctor.
He's not okay.
No, no, I'm fine.
I'm just so glad you're my sister.
Why? All we ever do is fight.
I know.
It's a wonderful life.
Get off me, you weirdo.
You're crushing my reindeer.
There's the perky blonde Christmas dictator I missed.
Said the toilet-clogging slacker.
- I'm trying to be nice here.
- Well, you're bad at it.
Well, you're bad at being my sister.
I wish you weren't.
Oh, man! You are so off-key.
I wish I never had to hear that voice again.