Joey s01e24 Episode Script

Hey, how did it go with Sara? Did you tell her you love her? Uh-huh.
Then I asked her to move in.
- What? - Surprised? Me, too! What about me? Just if she moves in here, where am I going to go? I mean, I can't move back in with my mother.
That's true.
He can't.
I turned his room into a recording studio.
I have dreams.
All right, well, look.
We didn't talk about it but worse comes to worse, you can stay here with me and my live-in girlfriend in this apartment that won't stop spinning.
You guys have only been going out a month, and you asked her to move in with you? That is a big decision.
Seems a little fast to me.
Yeah? You like thinking through life's big decisions, do ya? You're actually going to go through with this? Well, I want her to stay, and moving in is was the only thing I could think of to get her to stay.
And if I'm not totally comfortable with it yet.
I'll I'll I'll fake it till I get there.
You really think you can pull that off? Please.
Come on.
I'm an actor.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I was thinking about going shopping tomorrow.
If we're going to live together, maybe we can get some new things.
What do you think? That sounds really nice- buying stuff together.
It's like a whole new start.
Wow.
That was some good acting.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
Hey, something kind of exciting happened yesterday.
- A guy at work asked me out.
- Wow.
That was quick.
I know.
I just started telling people I'm getting divorced, like, two days ago.
And then this guy that I never really even talked to comes up to me Ah, the Office Joey.
What? There's a group of men- of which I am a proud member- whose senses are so finely tuned that they can entify the need for rebound sex.
And we provide that sex.
I don't think he's that kind of guy.
Oh, really? Did he offer to help you move furniture now that your husband's gone? - He did.
- Well-played, Office Joey.
So you going to go out with him? I guess so.
Yeah.
I'm going to go on my first date.
That's a big step.
Yeah.
Speaking of which, I heard about you and Sara.
I know.
Huh? It's a little fast, but I'm really excited to take our relationship to the next level.
- I didn't buy it that time.
- Yeah, I may be losing it.
So Seth and I were waiting in line for the opening of the new Star Wars movie, right? Seth got into a fight lost our place.
That kid got into a fight? Yeah.
Another person in line also dressed like Princess Leia, and he, like, considers that his thing.
Look, Michael, if you want, I could call my agent and see if she could get you into, like, an advance screening.
Oh, my God.
That would be incredible.
I mean, I'd be the coolest guy in CalTech.
Except for that guy who can throw a Frisbee.
I'll give Bobbie a call.
Wait.
I don't know.
I don't like the way she looks at Michael.
How did she look at him? The way I look at the guy who delivers Joey's water.
- Gina, that guy is filthy.
- I know.
Hey, Bobbie, you got a minute? Oh, good.
It's you.
Great news.
I got you the cover of Bride magazine.
What? Why? Is this not Tori Spelling? - No.
It's Joey.
- Oh, good.
It's you.
Listen.
They want you to go in to work today to shoot a promo for the season finale of Deep Powder.
Today? Why didn't you tell me sooner? I've been busy.
Some crazy people at work think I have a drinking problem.
I can't go to the bathroom thout them staging an intervention.
And it's killing me, 'cause that's where I do most of my drinking.
Well, look, anyway, the reason I'm calling is because I need a favor for my nephew.
Really? Well, put him on.
She wants to talk to you.
- Hello.
- Hello, Michael.
Is it time? No.
I'm just actually calling to see if you could get my friend Seth and I tickets to a Star Wars screening.
Done.
But, in return, I would like pictures of you doing the following things: Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
This better be one hell of a movie.
Okay, I think we can get some new kitchen utensils, new bath mat No, no.
That's small stuff.
We need sheets, towels, comforters, matching robes, some of those really nice wooden hangers.
Oh, hold on a second.
I saw something back there that would be great for us.
Got it.
Joey, this is a baby monitor.
I don't think we're ready for that.
But someday soon.
Huh? You okay? Yeah.
It's just a little hot in here is all.
I guess we're buying that.
Ooh! These would look so nice in the new place.
Oh, are you guys just moving in together, too? Yes, we are.
Get out while you can! Can I help you? Oh yeah, we're, um, we're looking for some new towels.
- We're moving in together.
- And I'm excited.
I'd go with these.
They're not cheap, but they'll last you guys forever.
Forever? Well, that's a long time.
You're really gonna love them.
I didn't say I didn't love them! I love them, and that's huge! Okay, what's going on? Are you having second thoughts about all this? No.
No.
It's the towels! I'm freaking out about living with these towels! Ew! You're not talking about the towels, are you? I knew this was too fast.
Oh, God! Oh, God! She's not looking.
Run! How you doing? Feeling any better? I'm great.
Nothing cures a panic attack like 75 mile an hour drive home.
I didn't know you were freaking out about moving in.
I wasn't freaking out until you were freaking out.
What happened? You seemed so sure about it.
- I was acting! - Wow.
You're good! I know! Why do I keep getting jeers in TV Guide?! It's just so fast! I've never moved in with anyone before.
The longest I ever dated someone was six weeks.
What?! You don't know about relationships either?! What the hell are we doing here?! Who's flying this plane?! I was willing to take a chance and do this, but it scares me that you're so unsure.
One of us has to be certain.
I pick you.
I'm sorry.
It's just It is it's just so scary.
I know.
Maybe we shouldn't do this.
I can probably get my job back in D.
C.
No, I don't want you to go.
Sara, I love you.
I do.
I love you.
And I will stop freaking out.
I promise.
Okay.
Then so will I.
Okay.
You know, that's the first time you actually said "I love you" to me.
I did?! Eh? Take that, TV Guide.
Hey, Bodie.
What's up? Dude! I don't know what's going on, but all these extras keep on hitting on me.
Oh.
I'm in a committed relationship now, so I've been referring them to you.
Oh, dude! Okay, guys let's get started.
Well, I haven't seen the script for the promo yet.
Oh, don't worry about it.
The whole thing's on cue cards.
It's really simple.
Oh, great.
Gunnar, you're in this thing, too? That's right.
You ready for me to put the "pro" in "promo"? How does he come up with that stuff? Okay, guys.
A couple of takes, then you'll be out of here.
Let's roll it.
Deep Powder promo, take one.
And action! Hey, America.
I hoped you enjoyed tonight's exciting Deep Powder finale.
Yeah, now you can shred on over it deeppowdertc.
com Where, for the next three hours, you can vote for which one of us gets killed off at the beginning of next season.
Wait.
What? Did you guys know about this? Yeah.
Isn't it a cool contest? No! They're gonna kill one of us.
Why aren't you guys upset?! I'm so much bigger than this crappy show.
And I'm just really high right now, so - Hi.
I'm Michael.
- Hello, Michael.
Alan Banderwald.
I know who you are.
You were assistant editor on Episode II.
Uncomfortable, huh? Yeah, I do that to people.
Seth, where the hell are you? The movie's about to start, and I'm sitting next to Alan Banderwald! What do you mean, you never got your ticket? Then who has it? Surprise! They're gonna kill me at work! Is it 'cause of that chair I stole? W hat? I guess not.
What are you talking about? There's gonna be an Internet vote to see if they're gonna kill me or Gunnar or Bodie.
Oh, no.
They can't kill Bodie.
Hey, guys.
I just wanted you to check my outfit before my date.
- Wow, Alex! You look great! - Really? Yeah.
Office Joey's gonna be bragging to Office Michael tomorrow.
I haven't been on a date in, like, ten years.
Have the rules changed? What's expected of me? What do you mean? Well, I mean, like, do I have to have sex at the end of the night? Alex, of course not.
You can have it at the beginning.
Don't listen to him.
Just do whatever you want.
Just have fun.
All right, I'm doing this.
Tonight, I officially start moving on.
I'm gonna get wild.
I'm gonna stay out late.
I'm gonna put perfume right there.
I'm gonna say it.
I'm a little turned on right now.
All right.
I'm going to go check in with Sara.
I, uh I got her a little present to show her I'm excited about moving in.
Oh, I see what you're doing.
Got a little piece of jewelry hidden in there.
No, no.
The towels are the gift.
- It's a symbol.
- Of your cheapness? Hey, Joey.
Oh, hey, Howard.
I just heard about the Deep Powder online voting thing, and I want you to know I'm going to vote as many times as it takes to save you.
That's really nice, but you're just one person.
It's not going to make a difference.
How do you think Win a Date with Tad Hamilton won the People's Choice Award for best picture? You did that? Yeah.
I used up all my vacation days, but it got done.
- Thanks, Howard.
You're okay.
- You're my best friend, too! Okay.
Sara? "Joey, i love you but wer'e not ready for this.
" "And you're such a good guy, you would have done it anyway.
" "I'm sorry, but I thought if I saw you, I'd change my mind.
Sara.
" Oh, no, this is so sad.
It's like on Deep Powder when Bodie's girlfriend left his Enough about Bodie! I can't believe she left without saying good-bye.
I blew it, Gina.
Oh you didn't blow it.
You can't help it if you're not ready.
Stupid Newsweek! Time Magazine, you just got a new subscriber! - Really? - Well, I'll pick up one copy.
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
Can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure.
Jeez, there's no alcohol.
What happened here? You had a Cinco de Mayo party for one.
Ah, si.
Hey, I thought you were at Star Wars.
You didn't stay till the end? Did Bobbie show up? Okay.
She cannot do this to my son.
I am going to track her down and give her a piece of my mind.
Whoa, whoa, Gina, you're going to embarrass Michael.
He doesn't want you fighting his battles for him.
Check her office.
I think she's in her office.
Oh, good.
I've got a big problem.
I invited Peter over and now he's in my bathtub naked.
Wow, that was fast.
I could learn a thing or two from Office Joey.
No, this is all my fault.
I think I may have led him on a little bit.
Alex, don't blame yourself.
I told him to take off all his clothes,get in the tub, and wait for a long night of passionate lovemaking.
You may share some of the blame.
Yeah, I know, but I was just so excited about moving on.
And I wasn't really into it tonight, but I just thought that if I kept pushing forward, I would get into it.
You want me to get rid of him? Oh, that would be great.
But we need to do it fast.
Right now I'm supposed to be changing into this.
And it cost me $300 and I don't know which side is the front! Okay, okay, okay.
I'll take care of this.
- What are you gonna do? - I know how he thinks, okay? Any guy who offers sex to women on the rebound lives in constant fear of the returning husband.
Honey, I'm back and I want to make this marriage work! I think I heard him go out the window.
I bet we can see him run down the hill.
Well, he's gonna have to drop that towel if he wants to pick up any speed.
There he goes! - Thanks, Joey.
- No problem.
Can I come over for a little bit? My apartment smells of bath oil and shame.
Sure.
I was really looking forward to tonight.
I just I can't believe it ended so badly.
I thought I could just jump right into this dating thing, but I am way too weird for this.
Hey, Alex you'll be fine.
Yeah, that's easy for you to say.
You and Sara are all happy.
You're going to move in together.
- Sara's gone.
- What? She moved to Washington.
We're over.
No! That's just so No, no, no, I'm in a very delicate place right now.
No being sad, okay? I need you to say something to cheer me up.
Okay.
Remember that video of that monkey riding a dog? That worked.
Thanks.
Is there anything I can do? Well, I wanted a drink, but I don't have any booze.
Oh, I just realized I've got stuff to drink in my room.
Oh, why? Well, I've got it set up so if there's any item a lady might require, you know, drinks, extra toothbrush, selections from Oprah's Book Club Do you have Waiting to Exhale? Do I have Waiting to Exhale? Get up there! Oh, yeah, you were right.
Yes, the intervention was a real eye-opener.
Yeah, I'm calling from the rehab right now.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I'll see you in 28 days.
Sucka! Okay, lady, we need to talk.
Excuse me? I have sat around long enough, hearing about how you've pawed and threatened my boy.
It ends now.
You are way off-base.
First of all, I'm a respectable woman and I would never be sexually aggressive with a young man.
And second, which one's mother are you? Michael's.
He's the best one.
Look, I know you're a big shot, and you probably think I should be afraid of you, but if you ever bother him again, I cannot be responsible for what happens to you.
I'm not kidding around.
- Listen - No, you listen.
This is not open for debate.
You got that, you crazy-eyed, lunatic-pervert-witch?! You bother him again, I'll send you back to whatever fairy tale you escaped from.
No one talks to me like that! Would you like a job? Another round? Thanks.
I would like to propose a toast to you, a bright spot in an otherwise terrible day.
Oh And I would like to toast you for letting me take this necklace out of your lost-and-found.
- This is fun.
- Yeah, it really is.
- I'm sad.
- Yeah, me, too.
I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
I don't know how to be single.
I don't know how to be not single.
On Monday I have to give a coworker his pants back.
I'll take that over what happened to me- my girlfriend left me without saying good-bye.
I'm getting divorced.
I'm never gonna have an adult relationship.
I haven't had sex in three months.
I got nothing that'll top that.
God, this sucks.
I hate feeling this way.
Me, too.
Next time I am with someone, I am gonna take it real slow.
Yeah.
And I'm not gonna be with anyone at all for a while.
Smart.
What'd you what'd you do that for? I don't know.
Hey, Howard! How is the online voting coming? Really good.
The poll is closing in an hour and I've made sure there's no way Joey's gonna die.
Good work, howard.
Howard, what are you doing? I'm voting for Joey.
Joey Tribbiani.
Submit.
Joey Tribbiani.
Submit.
Howard, the question is "Which Deep Powder actor do you think should be killed off?" Joey Tribbiani.
Submit.
Howard! You're gonna get Joey fired! How many times did you vote? I have to undo this! Gunnar.
Submit.
Gunnar.
Submit.
Gunnar.
Submit.
Gunnar.
Submit.
Gunnar.
Submit.
Gunnar.
Submit.