Keeping Up Appearances s05e05 Episode Script

Skis

( theme music plays ) I WISH YOU'D SMILE MORE WHEN YOU'RE GARDENING, RICHARD.
PSSS! ( vocalizing ) IF I DO THAT, THEY'RE GOING TO LOCK ME AWAY.
TRY TO LOOK AS THOUGH YOU'RE ENJOYING IT, DEAR.
I DON'T PARTICULARLY ENJOY IT.
IT'S JUST SOMETHING THAT HAS TO BE DONE.
WELL THAT'S HOW IT APPEARS.
THE GARDEN LOOKS WELL ENOUGH.
OH, IT'S NO THE GARDEN, DEAR.
IT'S YOU.
YOU LOOK AS THOUGH YOU'RE NOT ENJOYING DOING IT, WHICH GIVES THE IMPRESSION THAT WE CAN'T AFFORD A GARDENER.
WE CAN'T AFFORD A GARDENER.
SHH, RICHARD, KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.
IF WE CAN'T AFFORD A GARDENER, THAT'S ALL THE MORE REASON WHY WE SHOULD LOOK AS THOUGH WE CAN AFFORD A GARDENER.
SO IN THE FUTURE, COULD YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO ENJOYS DOING HIS OWN GARDENING, BUT COULD AFFORD A GARDENER IF HE WANTED TO? OH, I DO BELIEVE THAT'S THE CARRADINES.
IT WAS.
IT WAS THE CARRADINES.
SHE USED TO BE BAXTER'S BISCUITS, YOU REMEMBER.
I REMEMBER.
- ( car honking ) - OH! OH, UNMANNERLY OAF! SHERIDAN WOULD BE FURIOUS IF HE KNEW THAT STRANGERS WERE HONKING AT HIS MOMMY.
( television plays ) DO YOU THINK THERE'S LIFE AFTER DEATH? I HOPE SO.
THERE'S NO THAT MUCH BEFORE.
I'M JUST GETTING MY SECOND WIND.
AND ALL THIS LOVING YOUR NEIGHBOR STUFF JUST LOOK AT THE SOR OF NEIGHBORS WE'VE GOT.
ANYBODY WHO LIVES NEXT DOOR TO US IS HARDLY THE KIND OF NEIGHBOR THAT YOU CAN GO ABOUT LOVING.
I WOULDN'T MIND IF I LIVED WITH OUR HYACINTH.
HER NEIGHBOR'S TERRIFIC.
- EMMET.
- DISHY.
IF ANYBODY'S LOVED THEIR NEIGHBORS, YOU HAVE.
I BET NOBODY'S CAST A WIDER NET.
WHAT'S BROUGH ALL THIS ON, OUR ROSE? I MET THIS-- THIS BORN-AGAIN CHRISTIAN.
- WHERE? - IN THE PUB.
( laughs ) MUST HAVE BEEN HIS NIGHT OFF.
( clatter ) WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M JUST EMPTYING THE PETAL BIN, DEAR.
I'VE DONE THAT.
OH, YES, SO YOU HAVE.
SILLY ME.
ANYWAY, I'M JUST COMING WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW? ARE YOU IN A DRAFT, DEAR? NO, BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHEN YOU'RE RETIRED, YOU HAVE TO BE PARTICULARLY CAREFUL ABOUT BEING IN DRAFTS.
I'M JUST CHECKING THE LETTERBOX TO MAKE SURE WE HAVEN' RECEIVED ANY MORE LEAFLETS ABOUT CHEAP DOUBLE-GLAZING.
NO, THERE AREN' ANY LEAFLETS.
( laughs ) I'M SO EXCITED.
I'M AS EXCITED AS IF IT WERE MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW.
ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR PRESENT? ARE YOU EXCITED, DEAR? YOU DON'T LOOK IT.
I WILL NOT HAVE YOU NOT EXCITED, RICHARD.
I-- WELL, I USUALLY GET SLIPPERS.
AND NOBODY LIKES SLIPPERS MORE THAN I DO, BUT THEY'RE NOT AN ITEM ABOUT WHICH YOU GE REALLY EXCITED.
SO IF YOU DON'T MIND I'LL WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW TO GET EXCITED.
AS YOU PLEASE.
- ( phone rings ) - OOH, IT'S VERY LATE.
IS THAT AN EMERGENCY? THE "BOUQUET" RESIDENCE, THE LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING.
LOOK, IF THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, PLEASE SAY IT'S NOT SHERIDAN.
OH, IT'S YOU, ROSE, YES.
DO I BELIEVE IN WHAT, DEAR? OF COURSE I BELIEVE THERE'S LIFE AFTER DEATH.
RICHARD AND I WILL BE AN ENTITY FOR ETERNITY.
WHERE ARE YOU ON LIFE AFTER DEATH? I'M OPTIMISTIC-- DON'T KNOW.
IF THERE IS AN AFTERLIFE, DO YOU THINK WE'LL BE SLIMMER? I EXPECT SO.
I DON'T SUPPOSE THEY'LL DO AS MANY CHIPS.
MAYBE THEY'LL LET US SEND OUT FOR SOME CHIPS.
I COULD JUST FANCY SOME CHIPS.
OUR HYACINTH DOESN'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA THAT I TALK TO THE VICAR.
I BET THE VICAR'S WIFE DOESN'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA EITHER.
YOU ONLY WAN TO TALK TO HIM BECAUSE HE'S A DISHY VICAR.
LISTEN, IF I'M GOING TO GO RELIGIOUS, I MIGHT AS WELL GO FIRST CLASS.
HERE, ROSE, ARE YOU FEELING CHRISTIAN ENOUGH TO DO US ALL A FEW CHIPS? BUG OFF, ONSLOW.
OH, NICE.
BORN-AGAIN BONE IDOL.
NOW, RICHARD, JUST STAND THERE, DEAR AND KEEP YOUR EYES TIGHTLY CLOSED.
WE DON'T USUALLY HAVE ALL THIS FUSS.
NORMALLY, YOU JUS GIVE ME THE SLIPPERS.
NOW YOU KEEP THEM CLOSED.
I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE.
KEEP THEM CLOSED.
( banging ) YOU CAN OPEN THEM NOW.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RICHARD.
WHAT IS IT? IT'S A DRAINPIPE.
YOU BOUGHT ME A DRAINPIPE.
WELL, GO ON, OPEN IT.
OPEN IT! OH, COME ON, WE OUGHT TO WISH RICHARD A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I DO WISH RICHARD A HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LIZ.
IF ANYONE EVER NEEDED A HAPPY BIRTHDAY, IT IS RICHARD.
WELL THEN, COME ON.
EMMET, YOU CAN'T STAY HIDING INDOORS FOREVER.
DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING PRISON PALLOR? I'LL CATCH HIM WHEN HE'S ALONE.
WHEN IS RICHARD EVER ALONE? PRECISELY, LIZ.
MAYBE I COULD SNEAK HIM OFF FOR A QUIET DRINK SOMEWHERE.
GIVE THE POOR DEVIL A BREAK.
I'M SURE HE'D ENJOY THAT.
THE TRICK IS TRYING TO GET HIM FREE FROM THE CLUTCHES OF THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON.
FRANKENSTEIN CREATED A MONSTER, AND IT SINGS.
LOOK, TAKE THE BULL BY THE HORNS.
JUST SAY TO HYACINTH, "I'M GOING TO TAKE RICHARD OU FOR A BIRTHDAY DRINK.
" YOU WANT ME TO TAKE HER BY THE HORNS! WHAT KIND OF ADVICE IS THAT? SKIS? ALL THE BEST PEOPLE HAVE THEM.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH SKIS? WELL, I THOUGHT THEY'D LOOK WELL ON THE CAR.
YOU CAN TAKE THEM FOR A DRIVE, OCCASIONALLY-- UP ON TOP.
THE CARRADINES-- THEY HAVE SKIS ON THEIR CAR.
OH, DID THEY? WHAT A COINCIDENCE.
I'M THE WRONG AGE FOR SKIS.
NONSENSE, YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PUT SKIS ON YOUR CAR.
SEEMS A BIT ODD BUYING SKIS NOT TO SKI.
OH, RICHARD, YOU DON'T IMAGINE EVERYONE WHO HAS SKIS ON HIS CAR ACTUALLY SKIS.
GOOD HEAVENS, NO.
YOU DON'T EXPECT EVERYONE WITH A FEATHER IN HIS HA TO BE A PARTRIDGE.
HOW AM I GOING TO GET THEM ON THE CAR? IT MEANS I'LL HAVE TO BUY ONE OF THOSE RACK THINGS.
NO, NO, NO.
WE CAN BORROW VIOLET'S AND BRUCE'S.
THEY USED TO SKI.
THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU BORROW VIOLET AND BRUCE'S SKIS? RICHARD, I WILL NO HAVE YOU GOING ABOU WITH SHABBY, SUBSTANDARD, BORROWED SKIS.
NO, YOU CAN TAKE YOUR NEW SKIS TO VIOLET'S AND THEN WE'LL BORROW THEIR RACK.
NO, I CAN LEAVE THE SKIS HERE AND JUST GO AND GET THE RACK.
BUT THEN THE PEOPLE IN BRUCE'S AREA WON'T SEE YOU WITH YOUR NEW SKIS, ONLY A SECOND-HAND RACK.
OOH! - PLEASE LEAVE THE PLANNING TO ME, RICHARD.
- ( phone ringing ) - ( groans ) - OH, THAT'LL BE SOMEONE IMPORTANT.
THE "BOUQUET" RESIDENCE, THE LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING.
OH, HELLO, ROSE.
YES.
WHY DO YOU WANT THE VICAR'S TELEPHONE NUMBER, DEAR? HMM, WHAT SORT OF QUESTIONS? WELL, I DON'T THINK YOU CAN ASK THE VICAR A QUESTION LIKE THAT, ROSE.
NO, WELL, YES, I'M SURE THAT HE'D SEE YOU PRIVATELY IF YOU INSIST.
YOU'D HAVE TO GO TO THE VICARAGE.
HMMM? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THE VICARAGE WILL BE UNFRIENDLY? WELL, YES OF COURSE, I SUPPOSE HIS WIFE WILL BE THERE.
WHAT SOR OF A PERSONAL CHAT IS I YOU WAN WITH THIS VICAR? LOOK, ROSE, IF YOU NEED SOMEWHERE PRIVATE, BRING HIM HERE.
THEN I CAN KEEP AN EYE ON YOU AND RICHARD CAN SHOW HIM HIS SKIS.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RICHARD.
THANK YOU, EMMET.
ARE YOU GOING SKIING? WE'RE GOING TO HER SISTER VIOLET'S ACTUALLY.
I DIDN'T KNOW THEY LIVED THAT FAR NORTH.
- HELLO, EMMET.
- ( gasps ) - HOW ARE YOU? - I WAS FEELING QUITE WELL.
THANK YOU, HYACINTH.
WE'RE JUST OFF TO MY SISTER VIOLET'S.
YOU KNOW, THE ONE WITH THE MERCEDES, THE SAUNA AND ROOM FOR A PONY! RICHARD, PLEASE BE MORE CAREFUL.
I THINK THAT'S THE HIGHEST NOTE YOU'VE REACHED IN QUITE A WHILE.
( chuckles ) MIND WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH THOSE SKIS.
THERE'S MORE SKI THAN CAR.
OH, THEY'LL BE FINE ONCE WE'VE BORROWED BRUCE'S RACK.
WHAT DO YOU WEAR FOR A VICAR? WHATEVER IT IS, YOU WON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF STUFF.
HOW ABOU A DISHY VICAR? BEHAVE YOURSELF, ROSE.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE INTERESTED IN LIFE AFTER DEATH, NOT BEFORE.
DID YOU SHUFFLE THESE CARDS? I'M A GOOD SHUFFLER.
THAT'S IN BED.
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? YOU'RE NEVER AWAKE.
THAT'S WHAT I MISS-- A LITTLE COMPANIONSHIP IN MY LONELY BED.
NO WONDER YOURS IS A LONELY BED, YOU'RE ALWAYS IN SOMEBODY ELSE'S.
IT'S JUST A DESPERATE SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS.
WHY DO YOU GIVE ME CARDS LIKE THIS? IT'S SUCH A RELIEF TO SEE YOU GETTING WORKED UP ABOUT SOMETHING.
JUST PLAY THE CARDS.
OOH, I LOVE I WHEN HE ORDERS ME TO DO THINGS.
YEAH! ( sighs ) I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO DRIVE.
OH, DO STOP MAKING DIFFICULTIES, RICHARD.
ME MAKE DIFFICULTIES? YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO GE THE HANG OF SKIS IF YOU DON' PRACTICE WITH THEM.
OH, RICHARD, YOU'RE SKIING ON MY HAT.
IT'S DIFFICULT ENOUGH MAKING ROOM FOR YOUR HATS, NEVER MIND SKIS.
I WANT YOU TO STAR BEING AT EASE WITH SKIS, RICHARD.
I WISH YOU'D BOUGHT ME SLIPPERS.
I'M AT EASE WITH SLIPPERS.
I REALLY THOUGH YOU'D TAKE TO ALL THIS MUCH QUICKER.
YOU'RE QUITE GOOD WITH SNOWBALLS AND CHRISTMASSY THINGS.
THERE'S MORE TO THIS THAN JUST ENJOYING A MINCE PIE.
( engine starts ) Hyacinth: WHEN WE GET TO VIOLET'S, DON'T PARK THE CAR NEXT TO THE MERCEDES.
I ALWAYS THINK OUR CAR LOOKS BETTER NOT PARKED NEXT TO A MERCEDES.
OH, LOOK.
ISN'T THAT THE TWO MISS PILSWORTHS? YES IT IS.
STOP THE CAR, RICHARD.
- WE'LL GIVE THEM A LIFT.
- SUPPOSE THEY DON' WANT A LIFT.
YOU REMEMBER THEIR FATHER? THERE'S NOT ROOM FOR HIM AS WELL.
NO, THEIR FATHER WAS COLONEL PILSWORTH-- A VERY OLD FAMILY.
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO PERSUADE THEM TO COME TO ONE OF MY CANDLELIGHT SUPPERS, BUT APPARENTLY, THE ELDER MISS PILSWORTH IS ALLERGIC TO NAKED FLAME.
AREN'T WE ALL? I PROMISED YOU'D EXTINGUISH HER STRAIGHTAWAY.
OH, LORD, IT'S THE CANDLELIGHT QUEEN.
FATE MUST BE DRAWING US TOGETHER.
DO LET US GIVE YOU A LIFT.
- WHAT DID SHE SAY? - SHE WANTS TO GIVE US A LIFT.
ARE YOU SURE THERE'LL BE ROOM? YOU MUST MAKE ROOM, RICHARD.
WHY SHOULD WE GIVE HER A LIFT? PAY ATTENTION.
I WILL NO STAND TO ATTENTION.
I DON'T CARE WHO SHE THINKS SHE IS.
COME ALONG, LADIES.
OH, EXCUSE ME.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME AROUND THE OTHER SIDE? I THINK YOU KNOW RICHARD.
HOW ARE YOU, RICHARD? HOW LONG HAVE YOU DRIVEN FOR THIS WOMAN? DON'T KNOW HOW YOU COULD STAND IT.
ARE YOU EXPECTING SNOW? OH.
( chuckles ) RICHARD SELDOM GOES FAR WITHOUT HIS SKIS.
HE LIKES TO BE READY FOR THE FIRST FLAKES.
I'M JUST A BEGINNER.
I CAN'T GE ANY THINNER.
THERE WE ARE.
( gasps ) I FEEL THE STRAIN IS TOO MUCH FOR MY SUSPENDER.
OH, PERHAPS SOME OTHER TIME, MRS.
BUCKET.
IT'S "BOUQUET.
" IT'S NOT OKAY BY ME.
HYACINTH, I DON'T THINK THIS IS GOING TO WORK.
WHERE THERE'S A WILL, RICHARD.
EXCUSE ME.
( gears grind ) YOU MUST LET ME CALL WITH THE RECIPE AND A JAR OF MY DELICIOUS GENTLEMEN'S RELISH.
I HAVE AN EXTENSIVE REPERTOIRE OF TIDBITS FOR THE EXECUTIVE PALATE.
LIKE A RHINESTONE COWBOY MAKING OUT ON A HORSE AT A STAR-SPANGLED RODEO LIKE A RHINESTONE COWBOY-- - YOU'RE IN A GOOD MOOD.
- WHY NOT? THANK YOU.
IT'S BEEN ALMOS LIKE A HOLIDAY.
A LITTLE HOLIDAY.
AN ENTIRE WEEK WITHOUT A BUCKET.
- A BUCKET? - THE DREADED BUCKET.
OH, THAT ONE.
YES, "OH, THAT ONE.
" IT'S TOO GOOD TO LAST, OF COURSE, BUT IT'S BEEN REFRESHING.
WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR THIS TEA.
I KNOW.
ISN'T IT AWFUL? - WHY DO WE BUY IT? - WE DON'T.
THE LADIES' CIRCLE GETS IT FOR US AT A DISCOUNT.
OH, ISN' THAT MARVELOUS TO REALIZE THAT IN THE EYES OF MY FLOCK I'M ASSOCIATED WITH THE UTMOST IN ECONOMY.
I THINK THEY ONLY KEEP A VICAR 'CAUSE WE'RE CHEAPER THAN MOS DOMESTIC ANIMALS.
- THEY LIKE YOU.
- NOT JUDGING BY THIS TEA, THEY DON'T.
( gears grind ) WE'LL JUST POP IN FOR A MINUTE TO MY SISTER VIOLET'S.
VIOLENCE.
I SUSPECTED AS MUCH.
AND THEN WE'LL TAKE YOU TO WHERE YOU WERE GOING.
OH, WE WOULD'VE BEEN THERE BY NOW.
YOU'LL LIKE MY SISTER VIOLET.
AND HE'S VERY WELL KNOWN IN RACING CIRCLES.
VIOLET ONCE HAD TEA WITH THE WIFE OF THE POSTMASTER GENERAL.
SHE STILL HAS THE PLASTIC SPOON.
- ( gears grind ) - OH.
YOU SILLY BROAD! REVERSE, RICHARD.
BACK OUT NOW, RICHARD.
WASN'T THA YOUR VIOLET, POURING--? TAKE THEM TO MISS PILSWORTH'S AND SHOW THEM THE BEAUTIES OF THE AREA.
IT'S A VERY, VERY NICE RESIDENTIAL AREA.
DO ENJOY THE TRIP, MISS PILSWORTHS.
AND DO TAKE NOTE OF THE GAY COLORS OF THE MORE UP-MARKE SECURITY SYSTEMS.
THAT PERSON WAS POURING WATER OVER-- YES, AND DID YOU NOTICE THE LOVELY GLASS? MY SISTER HAS THE MOS SUPERIOR GLASSWARE.
CRYSTAL-- SOME OF I MOST TASTEFULLY ENGRAVED WITH A LIS OF INJURED JOCKEYS.
OFF YOU GO, RICHARD NOW.
AND LEAVE THEM AT A BUS STOP, DEAR.
ARE WE BEING KIDNAPPED? WILL SHE WAN A RANSOM? CAN WE AFFORD A RANSOM? ( engine rattles ) WHY CAN'T SHE WALK TO THE VICARAGE? OH, FOR GOODNESS SAKE, YOU CAN GIVE THE WOMAN A LIFT.
WE WERE GOING THAT WAY ANYWAY.
- WHO WAS? - I WAS.
TO THE LIBRARY.
I'M JUST A PLAYTHING IN THE HANDS OF YOU FEMALES.
CAN I HAVE THA IN WRITING? I'M NOT A TOY, DAISE.
YOU'VE GOT TO STOP THINKING OF ME AS JUS A SEXUAL OBJECT.
I'M NOT JUST HERE FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT.
OH, COME ON, YOU'RE HERE PARTIALLY FOR MY AMUSEMENT.
- ( engine stops, starts ) - YOU CAN'T FIND EVERYTHING IN THE LIBRARY.
WE NEED A NEW CAR.
YOU SHOULD SPEND MORE TIME WITH ME.
MY ENGINE'S STILL RUNNING.
WHAT'S SKI THINGS WHEN MY HEART IS BROKEN?! - TAKE IT! - OH.
PLEASE DON' EXAGGERATE, VIOLET.
- YOUR HEART IS NOT BROKEN.
- ( sobbing ) HEARTS ARE SELDOM BROKEN IN GOOD RESIDENTIAL AREAS.
YOU WANT BRUCE'S SKI RACK, TAKE IT! WELL, THAT'S VERY KIND OF YOU, DEAR.
WE'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF IT.
HOW CAN YOU THINK OF SKIING WHEN MY LIFE'S IN TATTERS? NOT TATTERS, VIOLET.
NOT IN AN AREA WITH A POSTAL CODE OF THIS CALIBER.
I'M LEAVING HIM.
I'M LEAVING BRUU-UUU-CE! GET THE RACK ON, RICHARD.
( sobbing ) YOU CANNOT IDLY ABANDON MARRIAGE, VIOLET.
HE PREFERS HORSES.
SOME THINGS GO TOO DEEP TO BE DESTROYED, DEAR.
WE ALL NEED THINGS TO CLING TO.
I THINK HE EVEN PREFERS JOCKEYS.
DON'T DO ANYTHING HASTY AND IN ANGER, DEAR.
THINK OF THE LONELINESS, VIOLET.
YOU CANNOT WALK OU ON ANYTHING AS SOLID AND SOBER AND RESPECTABLE AS YOUR OWN MERCEDES.
YOU MUST TALK TO SOMEONE, DEAR.
( sobbing ) I WANT TO TALK TO A VICAR.
WELL, I CAN ARRANGE THAT, DEAR.
YES, I'M SURE YOU CAN SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE, VIOLET.
PERHAPS IF YOU DRESSED A LITTLE MORE LIKE A JOCKEY.
NOW DRIVE QUICKLY, RICHARD.
WE MUST GET VIOLE TO THE VICAR BEFORE SHE DOES SOMETHING UNECONOMIC.
STOP! NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE.
YOU TOLD ME TO STOP.
I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO THROW YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESEN UNDER A PASSING CAR.
WHY DID YOU SAY STOP? YOU'VE FORGOTTEN VIOLET.
I-- WHERE--? SHE WAS IN THE BACK.
I MEAN SHE WAS IN THE BACK.
YOU GATHER UP YOUR SKIS, DEAR, AND I'LL GO AND LOCATE VIOLET.
YOU DON'T NEED THOSE YET.
HOW COME WE'RE DOING ALL THIS AND YOU'RE SITTING THERE? LISTEN, THAT'S WHA MARRIAGE IS ABOUT-- DOING THINGS TOGETHER.
I THINK HE SHOULD START THE MOTOR.
THAT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY IMPRESSION.
YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO DO THESE THINGS.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN I'M NOT HERE? THE SAME AS WE'VE DONE WHEN YOU'VE BEEN HERE.
DO IT OURSELVES.
LOOK AT ME I'M AS HELPLESS AS A KITTEN I THINK YOU'RE ABOU TO HAVE A VISITOR.
- THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.
- I'M GLAD YOU FEEL LIKE THAT.
IT'S A NUISANCE, OF COURSE, BUT FIRST THINGS FIRST.
MUST HAVE ONE'S PRIORITIES.
DUTY CALLS.
YOU KNOW, MY JOB IS NO WITHOUT ITS SATISFACTIONS.
PEOPLE COME IN DISMAY AND DESPAIR AND SOMETIMES YOU CAN HELP.
- THIS ONE REALLY NEEDS HELP.
- WELL, I'LL CERTAINLY DO MY BEST.
IT'S THE BUCKET WOMAN.
TELL HER I'VE GONE AWAY TO CHINA.
WHAT PART OF CHINA? WHAT THE DEVIL DOES IT MATTER WHAT PART OF CHINA? IT'LL MATTER TO HER.
SHE'LL ONLY BE IMPRESSED IF IT'S A SMART PART.
OH, COME ON, MICHAEL.
OKAY, I'LL COME AND SEE HER.
- ( lips smack ) - THERE'S A BRAVE CHAP.
GOOD LUCK.
I'VE CHANGED MY MIND! I DON'T WAN TO SEE THE VICAR! IT WON'T HELP! COME ALONG, VIOLET.
PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.
I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE A JOCKEY FOR HIM! THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW HE'LL HAVE ME JUMPING OVER FENCES! I WANT TO DIVORCE HIM! ( sobbing ) YOU ARE NO GOING TO DIVORCE HIM.
OH, LOOK, THERE'S A SQUIRREL.
OH! - MORNING, VICAR.
- GOOD MORNING.
OH, HELLO, VICAR.
I DON'T THINK YOU'VE ME MY SISTER VIOLET.
SHE'S THE ONE WITH THE MERCEDES, SAUNA, AND ROOM FOR A PONY.
- WASN'T THAT OUR VIOLET? - YES.
( heels tapping ) WASN'T THA OUR HYACINTH? - WASN'T THAT--? - Both: YES! DON'T YOU SOMETIMES WONDER AT THE ACTIVITIES OF THE POSHIER CLASSES? LORD, THAT WOMAN'S RELENTLESS.
SHE'S STILL CHASING PEOPLE TO OFFER THEM LIFTS.
( honks ) RICHARD, FOLLOW THAT SISTER.
( theme music plays )