Kevin (Probably) Saves the World (2017) s01e04 Episode Script

How to Be Good

1 Kevin: My life was going pretty terrible.
I lost my job, had to move in with my sister and my niece, and then things got weird.
I wouldn't do that.
Super weird.
- Am I still asleep? - No.
YVETTE: In every generation, there are 36 righteous souls.
You are the last of the righteous.
You are on a mission to bring balance to the universe.
- Who are you talking to? - She can't see me.
She's done a pretty good job convincing me she's real.
And now I have to do something I haven't had to do before Put others before myself, help people.
I am the last guy you'd ever want to save the world, but I think I can figure it out Probably.
[ROOSTER CROWS] Okay.
Have a good day.
I'll pick you up this afternoon.
- [PHONE CHIRPS] - Uh, I have drama, so I'll just get a ride with Emma.
Did you see my lunch? Nope.
What is this? It's not a big deal, okay, so "Reese Cabrera has sent you a friend request "on the WePeeps network"? Oh, my God.
- Just don't! - Reese.
I am so touched.
- [SCOFFS] Never mind.
- No, this is huge for me, really.
For us, as a family.
Forget it.
Hit "ignore.
" You know what, I'm not gonna hit "accept" just yet because I want to savor this notification.
Okay, I'm accepting.
I just hit "accept.
" - [PHONE CHIMES] - Oh! We're friends! You and me! That girl there just friended me.
I get you all the way In my home It ain't open It's a short way My home Wide open I get you all the way My home It ain't open It's a short way I just feel like there's a bunch - of things we haven't talked about.
- Such as? I mean, everything.
What does God look like? What happens when you die? Aliens.
Wait, are there aliens? Your face looks like there might be aliens.
Are you done? 'Cause you need to get to work.
You know, find someone the universe wants to help.
Wow, somebody put on their cranky pants today.
Okay, I'll go.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] So, are we talking, - like, ET or Predator? - Go.
Go! [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] [BELLS JINGLE] [DOOR CREAKS] [GRUNTS] What the hell are you doing in here? Oh, uh, sorry.
I got turned around.
[MOCKING] "Oh, sorry.
I'm an idiot.
" Get out of here! Is there another exit I could use? - Would you like a map? - Uh Get out of my kitchen or I'm calling the cops! Okay! Is there a problem? Um, maybe.
Could be.
I don't know.
Hi.
I'll be WOMAN: Hey, buddy! - This is the ladies' room! - KEVIN: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! - That was a total accident.
- Get out of here, you creep! [DOOR CLOSES] [CLEARS THROAT] You know what, I think the universe wants me to stay here.
[CLEARS THROAT] Okay, so my job is here.
Wonder who it is.
TYLER: Hey, Lucille, check it out.
Someone didn't clean up after their dog.
You know what that means? That you should have left your shoe outside.
It means today is my lucky day! - Hey, Kev! - Hey! [GASPS] Of course! Tyler.
Got to help Tyler.
[SIGHS] This is cool.
Man, It's so awesome that you're thinking of me, but I couldn't be any happier.
Seriously.
It's just that a lot of bad things tend to happen to you.
Like what? Your divorce.
You're living with your mom.
This place.
Uh, meant to be, living with my best friend, doing what I'm meant to do.
Didn't realize I was operating a soup kitchen for online predators.
Are you? Well, I have a sack of wet socks serving unlimited refills to a creep.
[LAUGHS] You're too funny.
Am I the sock sack? Listen, if perv stache here doesn't order something expensive or get out, you're fired.
[CHUCKLES] - Perv stache? - Classic Lucille.
Does she always treat you like that? Oh, no, that's our thing.
We bust on each other.
- It's banter.
- Do you bust on her? Oh, no, she'd take my head off.
[SCOFFS] Tyler, you're a nice guy.
Thanks, man.
No, no, no, no.
That is not good.
This world is not meant for nice guys.
This world eats up nice guys.
I can only be me, Kev.
Yeah, I know.
I can't help you there.
But I can help you do one thing.
You have to get a new job.
Oh, no way, man.
I love this job! - [SIGHS] - I meet interesting customers.
I get a discount on food that's only slightly expired.
And it's super-close to my house, so I don't need a car.
But if you had a car, then you could work any place, hmm? I guess.
But why would I? How much money do you have? [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] Hey, Reese.
See you at drama in a few? I actually have to go home.
My mom needs help with stuff.
Is everything okay? It's fine.
Everything's fine.
All right.
But we'll miss you.
See you tomorrow, okay? Play it again P-P-Play it again It's a Chevy, low mileage.
The guy is asking $2,000.
Sounds great.
Yeah, but you're not paying $2,000.
No more than $1,500.
Oh, man, I don't really like to bargain.
I'll just pay the deuce, call it a day.
See, this is what I'm talking about.
You let everybody take advantage of you.
I want you to stand up for yourself.
I'll help you get this car, and then you can quit.
Okay, I'll negotiate.
Start low, hear his counter, find the middle ground.
$1,500, guaranteed.
Let's do it now.
- Hey.
- Hey.
You Zack? - Yeah.
- I'm here about the car.
- How's it going? - Hey, man.
[CLEARS THROAT] So, I was comparing prices to other similar models, and I Yeah, so, if you want it, I'll give it to you for $900.
[WHISPERING] Oh, my God, you're good.
I'm sorry.
How much now? $900.
What can I say? I need the cash.
We got a deal? Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, we'll have to drive it first.
Yeah, sure.
Come on.
I'll get you the keys.
Ohh! Hmm, that was some mean negotiating, Kevin.
Maybe we should send you to the Middle East.
Okay, will you please tell me what is going on with you? I slept for five minutes last night.
Ah.
Insomnia.
- No wonder you're crabby.
- Mnh-mnh.
You don't understand.
I don't sleep.
- Never? - Ever.
Well, have you ever spent this much time here on Earth? No, and I-I think that's the problem.
Too much time with people.
You're rubbing off on me.
I think sleep is awesome.
- It's one of my favorite things.
- [SIGHS] Probably top three.
Maybe number one.
It's a waste of time, and it'll be the last time.
- [SIGHS] - You're missing out.
I could name 100 things about sleep that I love.
It is literally the best.
Uh, because of dreams, obviously.
You can do whatever you want.
Dude, I got the keys! - [CHUCKLES] - [CHUCKLES] [ENGINE STARTS] Aw! Listen to her purr! Oh, there's a CD player! Sweet! - Yeah.
It's not bad.
- And Zack is so nice.
We're gonna go grab coffee later.
New friend! [CHUCKLES] It's cool.
Kevin, I want to thank you for looking out for me.
I didn't even know I needed this, but I did.
You're awesome, man.
You're awesome, man.
[CHUCKLES] [TIRES SCREECH] [GRUNTS] [HIGH-PITCHED RINGING] [BREATHING HEAVILY] Are you? You don't make protecting you easy.
Tyler! Wow! This car so safe! [BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY] [METAL CLANKS] [CHUCKLES] It's not a problem, Kevin.
Zack's insurance is paying more for the car than he'd ever get selling it.
Everybody wins! You don't.
You don't have a car, and now you're still stuck working here.
- You have to quit.
- I can't quit.
People count on me.
Okay, I-I-I got it.
I got it.
I-I have no doubt that you are indispensable, but you can do better.
I don't want to.
Plus, Lucille.
She'd be crushed.
Would she? Let's ask her.
- Lucille! - Hey, Kevin.
Hey.
Stop being a good guy and stand up for yourself.
What have I said about calling for me? You walk to me.
I don't walk to you.
Tyler, do you have something to say to Lucille? Kevin, I'm gonna take your advice and stand up for myself.
You're awesome, but I don't need your help.
Excuse me? I need help.
What did you say? What, are you deaf? - I said I need help! - [SLAMS COUNTER] Someone needs to help me! Are you gonna help me? [ELECTRICITY HUMMING] Oh, no.
It's you.
This is wrong.
Tyler's the one who needs an overhaul.
Tyler is fine as far as I can tell.
Why does the universe want me to help someone like Lucille? You don't know what's going on in her life.
A kind gesture could change her entire outlook.
But she's awful.
Oh, I don't know.
She's kind of fun.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] [CLEARS THROAT] Hi, uh, well, let's get this part out of the way up front I am an idiot and a waste of space and an ass boil.
I'm listening.
Uh, well, you said you needed help.
And I am here to help you with whatever you need.
Is this a con job? Nope.
Have a seat.
[CLEARS THROAT] So, what is it you need done? Maybe something that's been weighing on you, something that might change your whole outlook.
There is one thing.
Oh, great.
Name it.
I have an antique clock in storage.
Get it.
That's it? Just move a clock? It's a family heirloom, and it's worth more than your pathetic life.
I've had to move it the last couple of years because of certain unsavory family members who keep trying to steal it.
- Hmm.
- I'd feel better if it's in my house.
Mm.
I'm trusting you with something that's very important to me.
Can I feel confident that you're not gonna screw it up? Yeah.
[DOOR CREAKS, CLOSES] Hey.
Hey.
Uh, is Tyler okay? He's a little shaken up, but he's he's fine.
You're not hurt.
Like, at all.
Lucky.
Your seat just came out of the car.
How did that happen? Physics.
It was probably, um, physics.
What were you doing in that neighborhood? My friend lives there.
Hey.
So I was thinking lasagna for dinner.
Sound good? Uh, I got to get going, but I'll just grab something later.
Hey, Reese, I ran into Emma's mom at the supermarket.
She said you weren't in drama.
I wasn't feeling well, so I just came home.
Hmm.
Yeah, I heard something's going around.
Oh.
Well, maybe just some broth and toast for you.
Mmm! Delicious.
I hope you get better.
[COUGHS] Uh-oh.
[COUGHS] What are the odds Lucille ditched a body in here? Stop complaining and get to work.
I know that you don't like sleep, but I think you should give it another chance.
At least a little nap.
[SIGHS] I had a dream.
Last night, when I fell asleep.
Like, involving you and your cousin in a weird way? No? Okay.
[SIGHS] I dreamt of home.
What's it like there? I couldn't begin to explain.
You're homesick.
I-I was really homesick when I first moved to New York.
Um, but I could visit any time.
You don't really have that option.
Thank you for spelling it out for me.
You know what, I found a honkytonk bar in Brooklyn.
It was terrible music, so-so barbecue, but it reminded me of home.
Is there anything here that reminds you of home? Nothing.
Clouds? Newborn baby? Music? Nothing.
Well, maybe you should, uh Maybe you should meet up with your colleagues again.
I bet they all feel the same way.
Look, it's not necessary.
I just need to stay awake.
Okay.
[CLATTERING] There's a dead rat.
There's a dead rat right in there.
I touched it.
[RETCHES] [SIGHS] Here it is.
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
Daddy was in the service.
He brought it over from Germany.
Every day he'd wind it and tell me and my sister stories about all his adventures.
When he died, my sister took everything.
[VOICE BREAKING] This is all I have left of him.
Well, I'm I'm glad I was able to help.
[SNIFFS] Where are you gonna put it? [CLEARS THROAT] Somewhere between "It's none of your freaking business" and "Stop asking me so many questions.
" Okay.
I bet it'll look really good there.
[ENGINE STARTS] You got Lucille's clock.
I did.
Maybe she'll be a little nicer from now on.
I mean, probably not.
But You made Lucille really happy.
Looks like you're a nice guy, too, Mr.
Finn.
[BOTH CHUCKLE] Still can't believe you stole that clock, though.
[CHUCKLES] I'm sorry.
Stole it? Oh, yeah, she's been trying to get me to steal that from her sister for years.
I always draw the line at criminal activity, but you don't have a problem with that.
- That was so cool.
- That was her sister's storage unit? Yeah.
It's worth like 20 grand.
Which means I just committed a felony.
Hey.
Go big or go home, right? What are you doing? Watching "Kitten Fail" videos.
It's cute, right? What about Lucille? Do you have the term "dead to me" where you're from? Because she is that.
I am done with Lucille.
Have you gotten your vision yet? Oh, my God.
I've just been transported somewhere Somewhere exotic.
There Oh, wow! Look at all these people who are indigenous to this region.
Kevin I'm tired, and I do not have time for this.
You need to finish the job.
I'm gonna take a hard pass on that.
[CLEARS THROAT] She needs you.
She needs a jail cell.
She had me steal for her.
Lucille's a criminal and now I'm one, too, and I'm not going to jail over a clock.
I don't think this is about a clock.
Maybe it's about repairing Lucille's relationship with her sister.
Well, that relationship should never be repaired.
Her sister should join witness protection and disappear.
You're very judgmental.
I don't think I realized this about you.
Look, why don't we just wait this one out, and eventually the universe will send a needy but less terrible person my way.
So you only help people who deserve it.
Yeah.
And you get to judge who's most deserving.
Fine with that.
Because you've been such a good person.
Whatever I've done, I was never that bad.
Kevin Finn! Kevin, Amy, which one of you did this? Amy, you come with me.
Big time out.
But I don't even know that word.
I was 8.
Give me a break.
Now, Mrs.
Thompkins, no investment is risk-free, but there's a huge upside to the sub-prime markets.
Well, I think that is a great choice, and I will put it through tonight.
Congratulations! Okay.
[SIGHS] Guess who just squeezed $50,000 out of a 76-year-old grandmother.
[GRUNTS] $50,000! - Yeah! - That's how you do it! That's how you get it done! - [LAUGHTER] - $50,000.
That was my old life.
I'm not anything like that guy anymore.
- $50,000! - Sure about that? Go! [LAUGHS] Welcome to this morning.
AMY: Reese! Don't forget your lunch! You've made some excellent points.
Still think Lucille's beneath you? She is so mean.
That's just the pain she's covering.
Underneath is someone looking for help.
Or more meanness.
The worst people sometimes are the ones who need the most kindness.
Everyone deserves a chance to be better, Kevin.
You got one.
Fine, but I don't even know where to start.
Sure you do.
You lied to me, Lucille.
I did not lie.
This clock belongs to me.
Daddy said it was mine, and Ann took it.
Well, then, talk to her.
I haven't spoken to her in 20 years.
Well, what if I talked to her? Fine.
Be my guest.
You think I'm a hard-ass? She's a monster.
[KNOCK ON DOOR] Hi, my name is Kevin Finn.
Are you Ann? Yes.
Can I help you? Uh, well, I'm here about your sister.
Oh, no.
Is Lucille okay? Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yep.
She's healthy as a snake.
Do you mind if I talk to you for a minute? We were best friends.
I don't even remember what drove us apart.
But she's made it crystal clear she doesn't want to have anything to do with me.
Well, people can change.
Sometimes.
And Lucille's changed? Well, I said "can" Can change.
The things she's said to me.
You wouldn't believe.
I'm sure I can believe a little.
She's selfish.
She's a liar.
And because of her, I never got to see my father before he died.
Why not? He got sick, and Ann took over.
She wouldn't even let me come visit him.
I didn't even know he died until a day later.
I begged her to come home when Daddy was sick, but she didn't want to believe that he was gonna die.
And then It was too late.
By that time, she'd just cleared out his entire house.
I had nothing to remember him by.
All I wanted was that clock, and she knew it.
Do you really want to go through your whole life without speaking to your sister? I know I wouldn't.
It's up to her.
If she says yes Then maybe.
I think Lucille is in pain, and I think the only thing that will help is reconnecting with her sister.
Hmm.
If she agreed to sit down with you, would you do it? Yes.
I would.
Great.
That is That's That's great.
I will make it happen.
'Cause an old clock with a broken minute hand isn't worth giving up your family.
How do you know about the clock? [CLEARS THROAT] [CHUCKLES] That's kind of a funny story, actually.
Um, I accidentally stole it for Lucille.
You stole my clock.
Accidentally.
But the important thing is making up with your sister - and building that bond again.
- I knew it! What kind of scam are you and that twisted goblin whore running?! Nothing! No scam! I was I was trying to help Lucille has been ruining my life since we were kids.
- Mm-hmm.
- And now she's hired - this lowrent gigolo to rip me off! - Low-rent? That clock is mine.
Well, I really think if you just sat down and talked about it for a little bit, then I really think, you dopey-eyed Chihuahua, you better get my clock back tonight! And if you don't, I am calling the cops on both of you.
- Wow.
- Get me? - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, I think that maybe Lucille can hack it, but you don't look like you're built for prison! Mnh-mnh.
Go! Okay! [PHONE PINGS] All right, Kevin, where are we going tonight? - AMY: Hey, honey.
- Hi.
- All right.
- What's that for? You said you weren't feeling well.
I'm not.
I It comes and goes.
Right now it's mostly in my throat.
Should we get you checked out? You think it might be strep? No, it's just scratchy.
Let me see.
Come on.
Open up.
Ahh.
Huh.
Oh, yeah.
You know what, I see a little something back there.
You know what, Reese, I'm gonna cancel my 7:00 p.
m.
class, and I'm taking you to urgent care.
What?! No, I just need to go to bed.
- Go to your class.
- [SIGHS] I don't like leaving you like this.
It's fine.
I just need some sleep.
I'll be better in the morning.
All right.
I will have my phone on me.
If you need anything, call me, okay, or Kevin.
No, don't call Kevin.
If you need anything and you can't get ahold of me, just keep calling and calling and calling.
- Go.
- Okay, okay, okay.
I'll be asleep a minute after you leave.
[ENGINE STOPS] What's this outfit supposed to be? You know what, I'm sorry if you don't like my breaking-and-entering clothes, but it's what I could get together in a short amount of time.
I want to take this moment to register my objection to this plan.
Theft will not reconcile these sisters.
Well, what choice do I have? I can't help anybody from jail.
Where do you get your clothes? Do you shop? The mall.
Really? Well, you always look nice.
Very put together.
Ohh! [GLASS BREAKS] [BODY THUDS] [KNOCK ON WINDOW] Kevin! Uh! Ohh! Kevin! Ohh, no! Get out! The cops are coming! Run! - [SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE] - [GASPS] [PANTING] [METAL CLANKS] [WAILING CONTINUES] - What are you doing here? - Run! Go! No, no, no.
Come on, come on, come on.
Boost.
Hurry.
Come over.
No, you know what, you go.
I'll get them to follow me.
No! K-Kevin! [HIGH-PITCHED] He went that way! [TIRES SCREECHING] OFFICER: We've got eyes on.
Suspect on foot.
All right, I'll cut him off.
No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Not now.
Please, please, please, don't, don't.
No, no, no.
[SIREN WAILING] [TIRES SCREECH] [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] [DULCIMER MUSIC PLAYS] You! Put your hands up! [BABY CRYING] I said put your hands up now! Wait.
Are you real? [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING] [GURGLES] Ohh! Ow! Hey.
How's it going? This is Texas, right? [GASPS] Was I asleep? You, uh, had your eyes closed.
[SIGHS] What? Oh, I'm sorry.
I wasn't talking to you.
Uh Oh, hey, so I got my vision for some reason.
Conveniently, while I was getting chased by the cops.
W-What did you see? Some kind of marketplace.
Um, it might have been in Asia or some something.
That's That's all I remember.
Did you see any writing, anything that would tell you more? Nope.
But I-I-I don't understand.
Why would I get my vision now? All I did was screw everything up.
Yeah, you are good at doing that.
When you say things like that, it makes me feel like you're not paying attention to my feelings again.
Maybe I'm just Hey, I want a different cell.
This guy's crazy.
Nate, I know how this looks.
I don't think you do, Kevin.
You are in very serious trouble.
So is your partner.
My partner? Amy doesn't deserve this from either of you.
Oh, no! Nate, Nate, no! She didn't do anything wrong! Nate, come on! Nate! [SIGHS] You can slip those off.
- Reese, what were you doing out there? - Nothing.
Your uncle's in a lot of trouble.
But I don't believe you were involved.
He didn't do anything wrong.
He broke into a house and destroyed property.
I just think he probably had a good reason for it.
Why were you with him? I wanted to see what he was up to.
[SIGHS] Some advice? Your mom has plenty on her plate with Kevin.
Please don't make her worry about you, too.
Let her know where you are.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] [DIAL TONE] [TELEPHONE RINGING] Hey, Mom, it's me Reese.
I've got some bad news.
Who is this? It's Reese, Mom.
I'm with Kevin.
We got arrested.
Am I on the radio? Here you go.
Tyler, listen to me.
Kevin got arrested for breaking into your boss' house.
You have to do something.
I'm on it.
Okay, ma'am, that's everything.
We'll get out of your hair.
You want any help cleaning up the mess? Clean my house? Sure.
"Let's just start with the 5'6" turd standing in the middle of the living room.
[SIGHS] I'm 5'11.
[KNOCK ON DOOR] How many times do I have to tell you that I don't wan What the hell do you want? Lucille, we need to talk.
You are the absolute last person I want to listen to now or ever! [STRONG-ARMS DOOR] For once in your life, you're gonna listen to me, Lucille.
Am laking my self perfectly clear?! Thanks! Nate, can we just talk? I will tell you everything that I'm able to tell you.
Come with me.
Reese, are you all right? Fine.
What's going on? Ms.
Russo is dropping all charges.
Claims you've been running errands for her, and this is all a big, old misunderstanding.
That sound about right? Uh, yeah.
Yep.
Sure.
He's my little errand moron.
Well, aren't we a big, happy family? Right?! Everything works out! Ms.
Russo, if you could come with me, sign some paperwork? All right.
What just happened? Well, I was thinking about how great you negotiated for my new car that got wrecked, so I negotiated with Lucille.
You did? How? I forced my way into her house, locked the door, and told her I would quit if she didn't fix this.
- And she agreed.
- Wow.
Tyler, that's I mean, it might be a little illegal, but it's amazing.
Well, hey, hardball, Kev.
Just like you taught me.
You're all free to go.
Thank you, Nate.
Sorry.
You called your mom, huh? AMY: Hey.
Perfect timing.
How do you feel about painting? Uh, wish I could.
I'm Working.
- Oh.
- Where's Reese? She was supposed to be helping, but she has drama today.
They're rehearsing.
I'm not complaining, though.
I'm glad she's getting involved.
- Amy, about that, I need - You know, it's the funniest thing.
All of that bad stuff that happened It's like I'm finally coming out of it, you know? Reese is getting back into her life, and Kevin is being less Kevin than usual.
And you've been amazing.
Things are good.
[SIGHS] Nate, are you okay? Uh, someone Found Reese's cell.
- Uh, here.
- Oh.
Here it is.
They turned it in to the station.
Oh, my Gosh.
I cannot believe that she lost this.
I seriously thought this thing was permanently attached to her hand.
[CHUCKLES] Well, there it is.
Thanks.
Are you sure you're okay? Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm good.
You know what, I'm gonna go on lunch.
- Paint in the garage? - Uh, yes! Thank you! Here you go.
Thanks.
What's eating you, Kev? [SIGHS] I just Don't even know what this was all about.
Lucille's never gonna change.
I broke her clock.
And I was kind of a huge jerk to you.
Oh, you? When? [CHUCKLES] You're a good person, Ty.
Don't ever change that.
It's just It's a hard life for a nice guy.
[CHUCKLES] Ain't it? You know, the only reason Lucille dropped the charges against you is 'cause she didn't want to lose me.
I'm her best friend.
I might be her only friend.
It feels pretty great.
You're garbage, Tyler.
Love ya, Luce! You look at the worst people have to offer and only see the good.
I wish I was more like you.
Kevin, you're perfect.
[SCOFFS] There she is! Where's my clock, you hag?! Whoa, whoa, whoa! How about we just? You want it? Here it is! It's all yours! Look what you did! Daddy promised that to me! That's a lie! He said it was mine! The two of you have so much in common.
BOTH: Shut up! You You were always Daddy's favorite, and the one thing he left for me you stole before he was even in the ground! Me?! He'd only talk about what a perfect daughter you were! At night, I'd close my eyes, and I'd imagine a different animal tearing you to shreds! I look forward to your funeral even more than my son's wedding! I worshiped you.
I just wanted to be around you.
You are delusional.
You You never liked me! Guys, guys, shut up, shut up, shut up.
I thought you said this was a priceless German antique? Well, it was before you destroyed it! Well, then why is it stamped - "Made in Michigan" on the inside? - That's impossible.
Why would he lie about something so stupid? Why would he lie about anything? I mean, "Best Bowler in the League"? He got that trophy at a pawnshop.
Maybe he was lying when he said he always wished I'd been a boy.
He told me that if he and mama ever got divorced, he'd take you.
I haven't forgotten about that my whole life.
I-I never heard that.
I'm sorry.
Guys.
This is so great.
What a breakthrough.
[SIGHS] You know, as bad as Daddy was, he wasn't as stupid as this guy.
Look at that face.
It's perfectly blank.
Like he's constantly going into or coming out of a coma.
Hi, dum-dum! BOTH: Anyone home? [LAUGHS] Come on.
Let me show you around this place.
- [LAUGHS] - Ahh.
Aren't they great? Ty, they are the spawn of Satan.
[CHILDREN PLAYING] We used to come here when we were kids.
I sailed little boats in the water over there.
Got to second base with Laura French right there.
Are we gonna walk through your adolescent sexual experiences? Because, no, thank you.
This is the place that I missed when I was in New York.
This was home.
Oh.
The thing I learned about home is that it's not really a place.
It's a feeling.
And it doesn't really matter where you are.
It's about who you are and who your friends are and And it's about food.
Billy Roy's Texas Brisket.
Dry-rubbed with 24 spices.
Smoked over apple and hickory for 10 hours.
So tender it melts in your mouth.
I assume you can eat.
Or I assume you can figure it out.
Mmm! [CHUCKLES] I-I know I can't understand what you gave up to come here, but Maybe you can find things that make you miss it a little less.
[SIGHS] You ever see the sky first thing in the morning after a big thunderstorm? That color? Yeah.
[SIGHS] That's what home is like.
Wow.
And And you're right.
It's not the place.
It's the feeling.
Peace.
[SIGHS] Boundless, enduring peace.
And that's what I miss.
- But this is nice, too.
- [CHUCKLES] Well, go on.
Try it.
Do you eat things? - I eat things! - Okay.
Okay.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
[CLEARS THROAT] I mean Mmm! [BOTH LAUGH] You're right! - I knew it.
- Mm-hmm! - [LAUGHS] - A little piece of heaven! That That is what I'm saying! [LAUGHS] Mm.
Oh.
I don't even know what it is.
It's got to be some kind of magic.
One of the 24 spices is - Oh, didn't go 25.
- Probably tried 25.
Yeah, didn't work.
[CLEARS THROAT] How was rehearsal? Good.
What part are you? Stagehand.
I didn't try out.
- Next time, maybe.
- [CHUCKLES] Cool.
So, um, I was wondering if you could stop following me around.
I appreciate the interest, but, uh, it's it's weird and creepy.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Can I ask you a question? Shoot.
Did that meteor give you superpowers? [INHALES] Hmm