Killing Eve (2018) s01e01 Episode Script

Nice Face

1 [ENGINE RUMBLING] ["EXPECTATIONS" PLAYS] [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] [MUSIC CONTINUES] [VOCALIZING] I never lived Up to your Expectations I never gave Into your Humiliation [CHUCKLES] I never lived Up to your Expectations [VOCALIZING] I never lived Up to your [COIN CLINKS] - Expectations - [GASPS] [CLATTERING ECHOES] [WOMAN SPEAKS IN NATIVE LANGUAGE] [CONVERSATIONS IN NATIVE LANGUAGE] From where you stand You haven't a clue who I am [SCREAMS] NIKO: Eve! Eve! Eve! - Ohhhhh! - Darling, what is it? I can't! Oh, my God, darling! Wake up, it's okay.
- [SCREAMS] - It's okay! I-I Baby! It's okay.
Wake up, wake up! What was it? Was it Was it I fell asleep on both my arms.
Oh.
Oh, they're coming back now.
Mnh.
Oh.
Jesus, my heart.
You freak.
[SIGHS] - I'm sorry, it was scary.
- Yeah.
It was.
[LAUGHS] Ohh, Jesus! My head.
Ugh.
What time did we leave last night? It all ended when you and Bill sang "A Whole New World.
" Oh, yeah.
No one could follow that.
- [LAUGHS] - [SIGHS] Well, at least we have the whole weekend to reco - [BUZZER] - Ugh.
- Oh.
Oh, my God.
- Happy Saturday.
- You were superb last night.
- Thank you.
What's going on? Oh, did you get me a croissant? No.
Do you want the rest of this? Of course I want the rest of that.
Mmm! [CRUNCHES] How are you so perky? You left after I did.
I went for a run this morning, then I ate some coal.
Apparently it's a thing.
I feel great.
Okay, from what I can eavesdrop on, a Russian sex-trafficking politician's been murdered in Vienna.
- Oh, no.
- I know, bum-out.
Why are they crying about it here? Don't know.
- Was it a contract kill? - I don't know.
You really earn your money, you know? - I have no idea what we do here.
- Get me a croissant.
Right.
Everyone's in there with Frank.
- God.
- And [GASPS] oh, Lord.
- It's Carolyn Martens.
- Who? MI6.
Russia desk.
Ugh, I'd nail a cousin to work with that woman.
- Stone-cold badass.
- I'll put in a good word.
No, please don't.
You're the late one.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] Professional.
Where did you get that? Okay.
Well, thank you all for giving us your Saturday.
Turns out people are still murderous bastards on the weekend.
[CHUCKLES] [CHUCKLES] [SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE] This is Carolyn Martens, head of the Russian desk.
- You've met Bill Pargrave.
- Hi.
And his late assistant.
Eve Polastri.
My apologies They assess and provide diplomatic protection for visitors to the UK and will be your liaison.
It was Bill's birthday party last night.
They don't normally look this sweaty.
It was just a spontaneous thing.
Mm-hmm.
Good morning.
[PAPER RUSTLES] There's been an assassination in Vienna.
Victor Kedrin was a Russian politician visiting Austria last week.
He was not a popular man.
But he had an unfortunately high profile.
Yesterday, Kedrin was coming out of an exceptionally good, by the way, sushi restaurant near Stephansplatz with his girlfriend, Kasia Molkovska.
Somehow, about 50 yards from the restaurant, the assassin managed to slice Kedrin's femoral artery with a blade without him or his girlfriend noticing.
He was bleeding for about a minute before he collapsed.
Cool.
His girlfriend is the only witness, but she fled the scene.
Interpol traced her here to the UK.
She was picked up in Hammersmith this morning and needs protection.
- 20 quid it was a woman.
- Sorry? Sorry.
Nothing.
BILL: We'll be sure to sort it.
Was there any CCTV of the killer? No.
No, as far as we know, it was just a blind spot.
Thank you for your time.
I imagine the girl is, erm, quite traumatized.
She's the only witness.
Surround her with humans, will you? [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] I said it was probably a woman.
Victor Kedrin was a misogynist and a sex trafficker.
He may not have considered a passing woman a threat.
She must have been able to get close.
Thank you.
Thank you, Eve.
[DOOR OPENS] Ohh.
She said, "Eve.
" Congratulations.
Give me the rest of that, or I'll fire you.
[PAPER RUSTLES] I want to meet that witness.
- If I'm right, then - No.
Not your job.
Get her secure and get her some clothes.
Please don't make this a thing.
I'm feeling very fragile.
I'm telling you, it's a woman.
Happy birthday, Bill.
It was just a bit of karaoke, Frank.
[CONVERSATIONS IN FRENCH] [WOMAN SINGING IN FRENCH] [SINGING FADES] [GRUNTS] Ohh.
[SPEAKING FRENCH] - [GROANING] - [LAUGHS] Oh.
Ohh! [SIGHS] [GRUNTS] Mm.
[DOOR CREAKS SHUT] [ANNA KARINA'S "ROLLER GIRL" PLAYS] Je suis la fille que l'on colle Merci, Lulu.
Sur les Harley Davidson - [SONG CONTINUES ON RADIO] - Les BMW Les camions 16 tonnes Je suis la roller girl [RADIO FREQUENCY CHANGES] [ERIK SATIE'S "GNOSSIENNES" PLAYS] [VELCRO TEARS] [SIGHING] Wow.
[SIGHS] Beautiful.
[GIGGLES] [DOOR OPENS] [MUSIC CONTINUES] [RADIO CLICKS OFF] [DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE] Villanelle? Villanelle.
I can see you breathing.
- Meerh! - Argh! [LAUGHS] Oy! - I got you! - Yes.
- A bit, admit it.
A tiny bit.
- [CHUCKLING] A tiny bit, yes.
- Were you scared? - No.
- Did you think I was dead? - No.
- Would you be sad? - Of course.
[LAUGHS] Oh! Your face.
I got you.
How was Vienna? Good.
Mm.
Quick.
[SIGHS] - But I'm tired.
- Of course.
Do you want to stay and watch a movie? - No, I can't.
I'm sorry.
- "No, I can't.
I'm sorry.
" They want me to give you this.
- Bonus? - Yes.
Because I'm sensational.
[CHUCKLING] Oh, yes.
Of course.
And they want you to do another job.
When? We know it's a tight turnaround.
Tomorrow.
- All information is on there.
- Sure.
Tuscany will be beautiful right now.
- You want to come? - No.
Well, can I take someone else? I just want someone to play with.
You play in Tuscany.
And we will watch a movie when you come back.
- You don't mean that.
- "You don't mean that.
" Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[DOOR CREAKS OPEN, CLOSES] [CHAIR SCRAPES LIGHTLY] Aw.
Nice face.
[MICROWAVE OVEN HUMMING] [MICROWAVE BEEPING] That looks terrifying.
Does it burn? No, it just strips your stomach so you can't feel anything.
Oh, cool.
Okay, so, her name is Kasia Molkovska.
And we'll need two officers on each shift.
Mm.
Oh, Jesus.
That's gross.
Where do they want her overnight? Uh, don't know.
They haven't transferred her from the station yet.
- Really? Hammersmith? - Mm-hmm.
So she's still there? Yeah.
Apparently, she's a bit of a character.
Okay, um You know, I'm gonna I'm gonna pop down there quickly.
Why? No reason.
Just get those officers assigned to her, and I'll sign off.
Did we sing Disney? - Yes.
- Yeah.
Damn.
Where are you going? To the bathroom.
- Done the report? - Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Good work.
Now cough up.
- What? - 20 quid.
CCTV from Vienna turned up.
It was a bloke.
What? What? Since the meeting? - Yeah.
Frank just said.
- No, he said there wasn't - 20 quid.
- Have you seen it? - Of course not.
- Why not? Stop it! There's a difference between thinking it was a woman - and wanting it to be a woman.
- Who's a woman? [SIGHS] You'll get the rest when I see the tape.
I'm going to try to throw up.
I suggest you do, too.
I wanna see that CCTV.
- [DOOR CLOSES] - What was that all about? Nothing.
I'm going to the station.
- Why? - Just don't tell Bill.
You're the best.
I love you.
You're amazing.
Goodbye.
ELENA: Bye.
[CHUCKLES] [COUGHS] Ciemno bylo Nie wiem [CHUCKLES] [LAUGHS] Wy swinie Nie mozna wam wierzyc Wszyscy jestescie chujami ETHEL: I'm sorry.
She's unintelligible.
She's mainly swearing.
Oh, that's okay.
She's had a hell of a night.
I-I just need to know if she's aware of anyone who might wanna harm her while she's in the country.
Czy myslisz, ze cos Ci grozi w tym kraju, ktos chce Cie skrzywdzic? Jeszcze jednego Poor thing.
Can someone get her a tea? - Max? - Jeszcze jednego [SIGHS] [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES] Has she mentioned Vienna or anything about her boyfriend's killer? Jeszcze jednego I think she's saying that they were drunk or she's drunk now.
She mentioned a plank of wood.
- Was it tall or dark? - Jeszcze jednego God, I'm sorry.
Ask her if it was a man or a woman? To byl mezczyzna czy kobieta? [LAUGHS] Ale decha.
Psycholka Do piet mi nie dorasta.
Does anyone in the department speak heroin Polish? - [SCOFFS] - No, I mean, I'm serious.
- [LAUGHS] - [DOOR OPENS] You know, uh, Max, we need to get her to a facility.
Thanks.
Rusz dupe i do lózka! - Oh, you speak Polish? - Uh, no.
My husband is Polish.
Oh, you know, I've just picked up a a couple of phrases.
Thanks, Max.
What did she say? "Get your arse into bed.
" [BIG-BAND MUSIC PLAYS] [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] [LAUGHTER] [CELLPHONE RINGS] - Sorry.
- Oh.
- I wasn't flirting.
- Hmm.
How are you? Oh, I thought you'd be straight to bed.
Oh, I'm soldiering through.
It's a great turn-out.
- Yeah.
Bunch of animals! - [CHUCKLES] Wanna play? Oh, with a gin and tonic, definitely.
Uh, I need to steal Dom for a minute.
- Dom? - Mm-hmm.
Should I be jealous? Always be jealous.
- I need you, too.
- Don't worry.
- Right, I'll get him.
- [CHUCKLES] KASIA: Jeszcze jednego - Whoa, she's flying.
- Yeah.
The translator couldn't get anything clear out of her.
You recognize anything, Dom? It might be teenage Polish.
- What do you need? - Uh, just the description of the person she saw while she was on the street.
Here she goes.
Tall.
Dark.
[SCOFFS] If I say to you, "ale decha," what does that mean? Um.
What? What do you think? Ale decha? I don't wanna comment, but I mean, they're lovely, but - Say it.
- "Ale decha" is small breasts.
- Flat-chested.
Like a plank.
- Oh, my God! See, this kid is using slang your Ethel wouldn't be familiar with.
Your killer was a "a small-breasted psycho," apparently.
Excellent translating work.
[AIR BRAKES HISS] Hey.
Uh.
Hi.
I was counting on you not having a life.
Uh, wait, why are you still at the office? My sister and her arsehole baby are staying with me while she goes for interviews.
I get more sleep here.
What do you want from me? Can you pull Margit Polsen from the registry and any other active female assassins under the age of 45? Okay.
Hold on.
I got Margie.
Go.
Uh, how big are her tits? Breasts.
Okay.
I know you're into assassins, but I refuse to talk about them in this way.
- They're people, too, you know? - Elena! Massive.
She appears to have massive, pendulous breasts.
Is that doing it for you? Thank you.
Are there any others on file? - [KEYS CLACKING] - There are just two more on record.
I'm just pulling them up.
Um, Katrina Voltrinski and Wendi Helmsen.
What's this about? Oh, they're they're both dead.
Are there any alerts up for new ones? - [KEYS CLACKING] - No.
Okay.
Thanks.
Oh, and don't tell anyone I asked for that.
Of course.
All our hotlines are completely confidential, madam.
Piss off.
- Thank you.
- All right.
[UNLOVED'S "WHEN A WOMAN IS AROUND" PLAYS] [ENGINE RUMBLING] I don't pretend to know the ways of the world A means to an end seems a way Who has the most of whatever's best All the better May the best man win An eye for an eye Is a blind man's rule I wasn't born to follow I'm nobody's fool - Any other man - [GRUNTS QUIETLY] Can soon end Saul Truth is seldom found When a woman is around [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] [CHILDREN LAUGHING] Oh [LAUGHS] [LAUGHS] [MUSIC ENDS] [CHILDREN SHOUTING, LAUGHTER IN DISTANCE] [SCOFFS] [CHILDREN LAUGHING] [LEOLUCA SPEAKING ITALIAN] [CHILDREN SHOUT IN DISTANCE] [CREAKS] [BREATHES SHARPLY] [GASPS] [FOLK MUSIC PLAYS] DAVIDE: Nonno! [CRIES OF SHOCK AND AMUSEMENT] [LAUGHTER] [CHUCKLES] [MUSIC CONTINUES IN DISTANCE] Ohh.
[CHUCKLES] [APPLAUSE] DAVIDE: Nonno! [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] [LAUGHS] [WOMAN SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] [LAUGHTER IN DISTANCE] [CONVERSATIONS IN NATIVE LANGUAGE IN DISTANCE] [FOOTSTEPS] [MAN SINGING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE IN DISTANCE] [SINGING CONTINUES] Argh! [SINGING CONTINUES] [SINGING ENDS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IN DISTANCE] [PEN CLICKING REPEATEDLY] [GROANING] [GROANING] DAVIDE: Nonno! [MOANS, GASPS] [THUDS] I have to kill you I'm really sorry I have to do it, gotta go on my own DAVIDE: Nonno! I have to kill you I took it for so long [SONG GRADUALLY FADES INTO THE BACKGROUND] I was loading my gun I got you, I tell you, alone I had to kill you Oh.
NIKO: Do you want cheese on it? Uh, no.
Uh, yes.
Yes, please.
[SIGHS] [CLATTERING] [SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE] - Hey.
- Hey.
Ah.
[CHUCKLES] - Jesus.
- Uh-huh.
All that from a tiny puncture.
- It's so awful.
- It's impressive.
And awful.
Yeah.
Dinner? How would you kill me if you could? Um, I don't know.
Push you down the stairs? No, seriously.
They'd They'd come for you immediately.
[LAUGHING] I don't know.
Flatter you to death.
Okay.
How would you kill me? I'd paralyze you with saxitoxin and suffocate you in your sleep.
Chop you into the smallest bits I could manage, boil you down, put you in a blender, then take you to work in a flask and flush you down a restaurant toilet.
You've really thought about that.
- Smart, huh? - Very.
- Sexy? - Hugely.
- Do you want supper? - Ooh.
Yes.
Thank you.
- Okay.
Love you.
- Love you.
Bin? [CLANKS LIGHTLY] [LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS] [SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE] [LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS] Do you want to have sex? Sure.
Mm.
You know, someone is lying about the CCTV.
Bill? No.
What did he say about the recording? I didn't tell him.
I need to get more.
And I need her consent to record her.
- How bad have you been? - Really bad.
You're in the wrong department.
- Yes.
- You should have been a spy.
Exactly.
Thank you.
Mm.
[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS] Sorry! Sex.
I'm actually knackered.
Oh, good.
Okay.
[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS] [SIGHS] Can I get Dom's number? [LAUGHS] What? [DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE] [BELL TOLLING IN DISTANCE] Afternoon, everybody.
Mnh.
Do you think you could excuse your guests? [GRUNTS] Au revoir.
- [DOOR OPENS] - [SIGHS] [DOOR CLOSES] [DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE] Three days ago, one of Moscow's most controversial politician was found professionally murdered in a pretty street in Vienna.
Very good.
The murder took place in a CCTV blind spot.
Also good.
The politician's girlfriend was reportedly with him while he died.
Fine.
And was not harmed.
Not so good.
She is currently in London, where she will be interviewed as a principal witness to the murder.
Bad.
Which will take place tomorrow.
Very bad.
Have you had a haircut? Yes.
Hmm.
Your train leaves in an hour.
So keep the job tidy, huh? Your fancy hairpin is all over the press.
Don't worry.
I got another one.
- It's not funny.
- It was a bit.
They won't catch me.
[SCOFFS] - They might.
- They won't.
- No, listen, they might.
- [IMITATING KONSTANTIN] They won't.
Make it look like suicide.
[SIGHS] First class? Of course.
- EVE: Lunch swap? - BILL: Sure.
Oh.
Your wife is an artist.
She's a control freak.
Can I eat this cold? Yeah.
Just don't tell Niko.
How is he? He's really well.
He's really nice.
He's really well.
Okay.
Is that what you've been wanting to talk about? You've been weirdly casual all morning.
- I don't want to talk about that.
- Spit it out.
You've got as long as this pie lasts.
Okay.
The Kedrin assassin was a woman.
Oh, my God! I interviewed the witness, and she confirmed it I'll give you the 20 quid to shut up.
- There was CCTV.
- No, no, no, no.
See, there wasn't any CCTV until after I suggested it might be a woman.
Did you just say you interviewed the witness? - Eve! What's happened to you? - Nothing.
Nothing happened.
- You're going mad.
- Nothing ever happens.
And, see, now this woman is happening, and either someone is stopping it from coming out or someone is too lazy to follow it up.
Are you accusing me of something? I don't know.
Maybe.
Yes! Maybe you're being lazy! And so what if it is a woman, anyway? I don't care if it was an alien.
Yeah, but she's she's new, and she's prolific, Bill.
- Look.
- It's not our job.
I've been compiling these cases for months.
Tuscany yesterday.
Kasia is the only lead we have, and, tomorrow morning, she's someone else's witness.
Yes, and they'll interview her and find it all out for themselves.
What if they're in on it? In on what? I don't know.
I just think it's weird.
Our job is weird, but it's also boring.
I'm sorry if your husband is boring you, too, but that doesn't give you an excuse to go rogue at work.
You could get in a lot of trouble if I was a serious man.
Trouble's not interested in me.
Go to the hospital, make sure your witness is cozy and safe, then go home and don't do anything weird.
[SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE] It's only two or three questions.
Just say you're her cousin.
I'm with the security team monitoring Kasia Molkovska.
Last on the left.
Ask for Nurse Watkins.
You can't miss her.
She's in the "fun" scrubs.
Eve Polastri.
Hi.
Is Kasia awake? Uh, she's not fit for interview, I'm afraid.
Oh, no.
I know.
This is a relative of Kasia's.
He just wanted to say hi quickly.
Oh, lovely.
Okay, uh, just take a seat.
I'll let you know when she's ready.
Great.
Thank you.
[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER P.
A.
] - Is this legal? - It's fine.
Wait here a sec.
I'm just gonna pop to the loo.
We should have brought her some chocolate or something.
I'll see what I can find.
[FOOTSTEPS] [DOOR CREAKING] [DOOR CLOSES] [THUMPS LIGHTLY] [SIGHS] [TOILET FLUSHES] [DOOR CREAKS] Are you all right? Wear it down.
[DOOR CREAKS SHUT] [SIGHS] [CELLPHONE RINGING] - Hi.
- BILL: Where are you? On the loo.
There was no CCTV.
What? It's annoying me, but you were right.
We've been bullshat.
Keep that girl safe.
[BREATHES SHARPLY] [DOOR CREAKS OPEN] [TELEPHONE RINGING] [DOOR CREAKS SHUT] [RINGING CONTINUES] [RINGING CONTINUES] Dom? [RINGING CONTINUES] Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, Jesus! Dom?! Dom?! Oh, my God, Kasia! Oh, God, God, Kasia! Oh, my God! Oh, Kasia.
Oh, Kasia.
Please.
Please, stay with me.
Somebody help me! Oh, my God! Somebody help me! - [MONITOR BEEPING RAPIDLY] - Kasia, stay with me.
Stay with me.
No, no.
Bedzie dobrze.
[GASPING] Bedzie dobrze.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh! Somebody help me! [MONITOR BEEPING RAPIDLY] Oh! [BEEPING CONTINUES] [SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE] [TELEPHONE RINGING IN DISTANCE] If they fire you, you'd better drag me down with you.
- No, you're not doing that.
- I am.
I've been looking for an excuse to call Frank a dick-swab for years.
I'm the dick-swab.
I should have requested more security.
You had two armed officers.
You did the right thing.
[BREATHES SHARPLY] You're brilliant.
Just don't tell them everything.
You'll sound like a nutter.
[DOOR OPENS] FRANK: Right.
The boy's parents are here.
[DOOR CLOSES] Apparently, they thought he was playing bridge.
[CHUCKLES] [THUMPS LIGHTLY] Have you made your statement? Mm.
[SIGHS] Well that one could have gone better.
I don't want to say you only had one job Oh, piss off, Frank.
[TELEPHONE RINGING IN DISTANCE] I don't think you should speak to me like that right now, Eve.
[SNIFFLES] Can you Can you just tell me what I need to do? From what I've managed to gather, you have conducted an illegal investigation.
You've manipulated a witness.
You've put a minor in danger.
- Oh, please.
- And on top Don't interrupt me, Bill.
On top of that, you failed at your actual job, no doubt because you were so busy executing your pretend job, which I believe was going to earn you 20 quid.
And which you both seem to think is the most important thing about this case.
No.
The most important thing is that I was right about the fact No.
No, the most important thing, Eve, is that four people are dead, and it's all your fault! [SIGHS] [TELEPHONE RINGING IN DISTANCE] What were you right about? Kasia described the killer as "ale decha," which means flat-chested.
- No one would ever - How do you know that? Because I secretly recorded the interview and brought it home and asked Dom and my husband to translate it for me! - You're fired.
- You're a dick-swab.
- Oi! - Sorry.
Thank you, Bill.
No, I was gonna call you a dick-swab.
Clearly there's going to be some reshuffling in your department.
I suggest you both leave, immediately.
Your things will be biked to you.
[KEYS JINGLING] [SNIFFLING] - Just to be clear, Frank - You're fired.
Excellent.
Thank you.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS IN DISTANCE] [SNIFFLES] [CONVERSATIONS CONTINUE] [GUNSHOTS ON TV] [DOORBELL RINGS] [DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE] [DOOR CREAKS] Eve.
H-Hi.
Is there anything you need at the shop? What? Milk or Uh [SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE] Married? Yes.
You? A few times, yes.
[DOOR CHIMES] Uh, it's really nice of you to come and whatever this is.
Um, do you do you want milk? We think she's been operating for 2 years across 10 countries.
She's highly skilled, as yet untraceable, and, frankly, she's starting to show off.
When you're feeling perkier I'd like to buy you breakfast at the Purple Penguin restaurant by Charing Cross.
Thursday.
9:00 a.
m.
I'll wait for 10 minutes.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY IN DISTANCE] Right.
Buy some milk.
Oh.
Oh.
Or he'll think you're having an affair.
Oh, no, I don't think he'd ever think that.
They all think we're having affairs before they think we're secret agents.
Oh, no, I think Niko would assume I was an agent before ever thinking that I was having an affair.
You might want to make him think you're having an affair, then.
Hope to see you Thursday.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY IN DISTANCE] [DOOR CHIMES] You've got to wait until the word The way you go to my head Something tells me I'd be better off dead Are you a devil - Or an angel? - [SIGHS] Something valued that I want to know Got me spinning, going crazy Can I get the record before I blow-ow-ow? On your mark, get set