King of the Hill s07e06 Episode Script

I got it.
I got it.
Oh, dang it, Bobby football tryouts are in two days.
So? I'll just be running back.
That was your position, right? They have to give it to me.
Son, you don't get to be running back just because your dad was.
We fought a whole war with England over that.
Maybe you should go out for center.
It'll allow you to put your God-given immobility to good use.
Oy.
Ready, set, hike! Bobby? Snap the ball.
Uh this ball's the only thing holding me up right now.
I know what you're going through, Hank.
Joseph doesn't want to follow in my footsteps as towel manager.
He wants to be quarterback.
Maybe Bobby could be towel manager.
I want Bobby to compete for a spot on the team.
I don't want him just handed it.
Handed it?! Towel tryouts are brutal.
And word down at the Laundromat is there's this girl, Kathleen.
She's the one to beat.
Spent the last three summers folding linens at Bed, Bath and Beyond.
Well, at least you'd be part of the team and you'd get to hear the coach's pep talk.
Yeah, this might work.
Sounds good to me.
I love towels.
I'll be just like that bear in the fabric softener commercial.
Oh.
Nice, Gribble.
I take a lot of baths.
So, I finally got up the guts to ask Nancy for a raise in my allowance.
It did not go well.
I did it, Dad.
I'm the new towel manager.
Though I couldn't have done it without Joseph.
He worked up quite a sweat making quarterback.
All right.
That's good.
Way to go.
All right, Bobby.
My boy is on a team.
Not a squad, not a club.
A team.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah! Dale, what are you cheering for? Joseph just threw an interception.
Huh? Bobby just handed off the fresh towels put the dirties in the hamper and didn't fumble once.
That's the hat trick.
Really? Well, all right.
Go, Bobby! Show that hamper who's boss.
Good practice, boys.
Whattaburgers on me.
Hill, you ain't going anywhere till every jockstrap is as clean as a surgeon's mask.
Hey, Towel Manager.
Got a little time for an old running back? Oh, this stinks.
All I do is get towel-snapped by the players and yelled at by Coach.
He yelled at you? Really? What did he say? He said, "Hill" He knows your name? Well, that means you're really part of the team.
Well looks like you've got some hard work ahead of you.
Enjoy it, because you've earned it.
Mm.
Bobby Hill those roses not squirt water if that's what you looking for.
They're lovely.
I started growing roses after the doctor cut off my Xanax.
Very relaxing to have total control of another living thing.
Mind if I try? Okay, but just one.
Oh, this is kind of nice.
And they smell so much better than jockstraps.
Hmm, maybe to you.
Bobby are you sniffing glue or feeding a wounded bird? Either way, I will not have it at my dinner table.
It's a flower from Mrs.
Souphanousinphone's garden.
Mom, you ever think about growing roses? Of course not.
Do you think I want my house to look like a grave? Now, hold on here.
I don't want to hear about any roses unless we're talking about the Rose Bowl.
Hey, maybe you could towel manage that someday.
I'm not sure I Good point.
You've got to hone your skills.
The game this week will be a real test.
It'll be your first time folding in front of a crowd.
Quick son, show me what you've got.
Can I help you? Which one of these sticks is going to turn into roses? That one maybe.
I don't know.
I just got transferred from fabrics.
It says roses.
Yeah, I told you.
Okay, the tag says they need food and water and sun and dirt and love.
Can I substitute extra love for sun? I kind of have to hide these in my bedroom closet.
No way, man.
That'd be going against the tag unless Okay, I know someone who can help you but the problem is that he's at another store and, like, you're at this store.
I have a bike.
Oh, that changes everything.
Can I help you? Yes.
Uh, Ricky at the Mega Lo Mart told me to see you about growing stuff indoors.
Don't say anything.
He told me to tell you I'm cool.
He's cool.
So, uh, what kind of herbage you growing? They're roses.
Oh.
Well, those are legal now.
You can grow them outside.
My dad doesn't like me outside unless I'm on a football field.
He only wants me to do stuff that you can win.
You tell your dad that Lao Tzu said "The wise stay behind and go ahead.
They want nothing and have everything.
" Yeah.
Huh? It means competing against others is not the way to happiness.
You want to know more, check this out.
"Chinese philosophy.
" Huh.
Is that why you guys seem so happy? "One cannot cause growth; one can only let growth.
" Huh.
We're getting skunked.
How is this happening? Oh, my God.
Where's Bobby? Blue 32.
Blue 32.
Yikes.
No! He's going the wrong way! I've seen this before.
It's total towel chaos.
The team needs me! I'm coming, Joseph! I'm coming to wipe you! Bobby! I don't know what I'm going to do when I see him.
I might kill him.
Bobby if you're going to hide from me at least have the guts to do it without a night light.
Hey, Dad.
What's going? The game! It was disaster.
There was sweat and mud everywhere.
Oh, God, the slipping.
The horrible slipping! You got cut from the team.
Kathleen Barnes is the new towel manager.
Thanks to you a girl is doing our team's laundry.
Now get out of my sight! This house is going to be TP'd tonight.
That's a given.
Now, what do you have to say for yourself? Well, I guess towel manager wasn't in my cosmic path.
I wish Kathleen all the best of karma.
The best of what? What were you doing in that closet? Nothing.
Sticks and lights? Is this some kind of puppet theater? They're roses, Dad.
Roses.
I'm trying to teach the boy how to compete in the real world build up his confidence a little and all he wants to do is sniff flowers.
Oh, Hank what's the big deal? Well, now I know where Bobby gets his "what's the big deal" attitude.
Well, if it's so important to you take him to go see a rose growing competition.
Rose competition? Come on, Peggy, there's no such thing.
Oh, yes, there is.
Minh goes all the time.
It's probably because she's very unhappy in her marriage.
So? What, I pretend it's a sport and And he'll pay attention because it's something he loves.
It's like when I try to get through to you I mention propane.
Huh.
Bobby, I've got some good news but I want you to promise you're not going to squeal like a girl.
I've decided to let you grow your roses.
Ugh.
And the best part is I'm entering you into a rose contest.
You get to compete against the top, uh old women, I imagine, in the county.
Compete? But Lao Tzu says the way of the sage is to act but not to compete.
There that thing you just said that's what I'm trying to fix.
Son you've got to try at something and give it your best shot.
You like flowers? Well, make us proud and be the best damn rose grower in town.
Now, what do you say, tough guy? Are you ready to grow the hell out of those roses? You bet I am! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where are you going? Outside.
Now that you're okay with them, I might as well put these thirsty little piggies in the ground.
Now, where did I put that floppy gardening hat? You can't grow them outside.
People will see you and, uh steal your gardening secrets.
You'd better stay in the closet until you win.
Then you can plant them in the front yard and if anybody gives you any guff you can show 'em your trophy.
Or sash.
Or sash.
Check out that engine.
It hauls so much ass I can drive it to work.
Yeah, she's a monster.
Oh, I'll get it.
Yeah, uh, hello ladies.
Uh, I'm here to, um sign for that, uh, big rose-off you got going on.
Are you that guy who just moved in from Portland? Grew the Madame Plantier that won Mini Princess of Show? Well, I understood that one word, "grew," but I do know I am not the Mini Princess of anything.
Why not? Forgetto prune your side buds? Here's a sign-up sheet for the show.
Don't let 'em get to you.
They treat anybody who wasn't sponsored by Miracle Gro lower than fertilizer.
Excuse my language.
Oh, no problem.
So, how many pounds was the rose that won last year? Pounds? Is that a joke? No.
I mean, I saw that pumpkin on the news they had to carry out on a forklift.
Bigger is better at these things, right? Size is only ten percent of your score.
There's Form, Color, Substance, Stem and Foliage Balance and Proportion.
I'm sorry, I didn't know.
Cultivating roses isn't some moron hobby like lawn growing.
It's science and art.
You think you can just wake up one morning flip on a pair of gardening clogs and play with the big boys? No, sir.
Hey, no reason to get excited here.
My wife and I are just trying to get our son involved in something easy to give him a little confidence.
Your son? A little boy should be collecting baseball cards and catching fireflies.
Not spending sleepless nights trying to urge the perfect rose bud to blossom.
How dare you steal that boy's innocence! Now get out of this gardening section.
You make me sick.
I am your sunshine Your only sunshine Am I in? Am I in?! You're in, all right tiger.
This is so great! I don't know if it's the stem massage or my singing but these babies are really responding to something.
You think you can just wake up one morning flip on a pair of gardening clogs and play with the big boys? Uh you know, this closet is bigger than it looks.
Mind if I sit in and help a bit? You mean it? Sure! That whoopee cushion doesn't work but you can still use it as a cushion.
Hey, you fixed it! Wait, am I supposed to cut above the bud or under the bud? Well, Lao Tzu would say that you must let the cut make itself.
Yeah.
Uh, I'm going to check the American Rose Association rule book.
Oh, my god, listen to all these reasons we can be disqualified.
Misnaming, misclassing, unlabeled, mislabeled stem on stem? Are we stem on stemming? Dad, you got to relax.
Roses can pick up on your vibe.
Dang it, Bobby cut the Benihana talk.
Okay, don't panic.
They can pick up on that, too.
Huh, I guess this must be some kind of rose-growing store for kids.
Excuse me, sir.
I need to replace this grow light.
Is that so, officer? It's okay, guys.
He's cool.
Aw, come on, man, that lamp is for high school kids.
Step up to the Phototrons they rock.
They'll force your buds increase your yield and your potency.
Just call me from outer space and tell me it ain't true.
Wow, how'd you like to see that in our closet, Bobby? Would I?! We're going to grow the best roses ever! Okay, this setup will cost you about two grand.
Two grand? You got a job, right? I have a great job.
But still Dang it.
No wonder all those other rose growers have sponsors.
Hey, what would you fellows say to sponsoring us in our rose competition? Whoa, man, competition ain't really our buzz.
Lao Tzu says: "To be better than someone is to be worse than all.
" Wrap your mind around that one, dude.
Well, wrap your minds around this: We'll wear Stems 'N Seeds T-shirts and you could put the roses in those vases.
Come on, fellas this is important.
You see, our great country positive values like competition.
The American way parts and minds Texas Propane and Gas Association Commissioner Murray Hogarth.
All if Stems 'N Seeds would just sponsor us.
What do you say, guys? We need more of this weed and more of this dude.
We'll do it.
I am your sunshine Your only sunshine Whoa, whoa, what are you doing? Sloppy side bud removal requires penalization.
Here, let me.
All right, Bobby.
Game day is tomorrow.
You're in the single vase category so you got to pick one player to send in.
This one's pretty.
Not according to the book.
If you go by the checklist, this one's perfect.
But I like how mine's a little off center.
It's got Wabi-Sabi.
You can't win an argument by making up words.
Wabi-Sabi is an Eastern tradition, Dad.
It's celebrating the beauty in what's flawed like the crack in the Liberty Bell or the mole on Cindy Crawford's face.
The Liberty Bell is great but come on, if it was in a contest with a bunch of bells without cracks, it would lose.
But sometimes it's the small imperfections that make you love something even more.
So what if this rose is a little too short and a little too wide.
It's got more personality than those other ones.
Uh-huh.
But we're out to win.
Ah, Morgan, my former student.
Your flower looks like an anus with a stem.
What do you call it? Hello, Monroe.
I crossed an Oakington Ruby with a Dainty Bess.
I call it a Ruby My Dear, but I might as well call it "sending you home crying to your mama.
" Yes! Dude, all these roses remind me of my mom's tattoo, but they don't smell like arm.
You'd better let me do that, son.
Nice, dude, nice.
Okay.
I'm just going to give it a final mist so it'll look like morning dew is dripping off its velvet petals.
I must say nicely spiraled center.
Hmm, good work, kid.
You hear that, Bobby? You could win this thing.
Dude, that million dollars is ours.
There's no cash prize.
It's just for honor, dude.
Dude, that honor is ours.
Dad, why don't we turn it a little to the side so this leaf looks like it's waving to the judge.
Well, all the pictures in the book are from this angle.
But if it's turned away just a little, it's more coy like, "Have we been properly introduced?" Here, like this.
Hands off! You're queering the spiral.
Come on, it's my! Oh, dang it, Bobby! It's bruised.
Oh, you tweaked our rose! Oh, god, I'm going to have to remove interior petals.
Get me my deckle-edged shears and my stamp tongs.
Shears down.
Nice stature.
Quite voluptuous for a floribunda.
Arrow-straight stem, fine balance and proportion.
What is that? That? That's nothing.
You pulled a petal, didn't you? You pulled an interior petal.
Uh yes.
Mm That's too bad.
Otherwise the rose is truly flawless.
No, no, wait.
Uh haven't you ever heard of that oriental deal that says that something can be wrong with something but it just makes it better? Yeah, dude, Wabi-Sabi.
Right.
That.
It's like that model with the wart on her face.
Isn't she pretty? Mm Sorry, it's flawed.
You lose.
You're a loser.
Which means I'm a loser, which means my dad was right.
You blew it, man! Oh, I wish I had my Tibetan prayer beads.
I'd hog-tie you and leave you to rot.
But what about Lao Tzu? Lao Tzu lived in a hut and ate straw.
And Queen of Show to Ruby My Dear.
Dad, no! Don't bury my roses! It was my fault, not theirs.
I'm planting them, Bobby.
But I didn't win.
Well, that's okay.
The Cowboys don't win every year, but I'm still a big fan and they have gun and drug problems.
I was thinking about it and my singing didn't really help the roses.
My voice just isn't that good.
But check this out.
Uh son? Yeah, Dad? You've got a lot of Wabi-Sabi.
We need more of this weed and more of this dude.