Lethal Weapon (2016) s02e09 Episode Script
Fools Rush In
1 ("HOLLYWOOD SWINGING" BY KOOL & THE GANG PLAYS) Hollywood Hollywood swinging I remember Ooh-hoo! Everyone say, "Blondes have more fun.
" (LAUGHS) - (CAMERA CLICKING) - Blondes have more fun.
(GRUNTS) Hey, watch it, assface! LAPD! Stop! Police! (HORNS HONKING) (TIRES SCREECH) (PANTING) (PANTING) (PANTING) (MUGGER SCREAMS) I didn't do it! Take it! I don't want it.
Take it.
LAPD! Stop! (LIQUID DRIPPING) (GUNSHOT ON TV) Fan out.
Fan out.
Give him the tear gas from both sides.
That was Tony Jarrett talking.
I-I look forward to it.
Okay, bye.
TRISH (LAUGHS): Honey.
Great news.
(TURNS OFF TV) Hey, young lady, respect the remote.
Trust me.
You're gonna want to hear this.
A spot just opened up at Kellogg.
Okay, I hear the excitement in your tone, and then I'm just totally lost.
Honey, Kellogg Preschool.
I put Harper on the wait-list before she was even born.
So, we have an interview.
- An interview? - Mm-hmm.
For preschool? Okay, before you say no look at this.
WOMAN: At Kellogg, our state of the art play space and hands-on curriculum bring learning to life.
From our organic farm to our petting zoo Piglets? (LAUGHING) You're damn right it's piglets.
Wow.
And, honey, they have a robotics lab and a music room designed by Missy Elliott.
This-this school is heaven.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
- I'm listening to the lady.
- Okay.
Eight out of ten graduates move on to the Ivy League.
Your child's future awaits.
Are you a Kellogg family? You're damn skippy we are.
(LAUGHS) Yeah, but listen.
I love that you're excited, but you should know that they have some strict rules.
Hey, it's okay.
Whatever it is, Harper can handle it.
Look at her.
(TRISH LAUGHS) Yeah, well, the rules are for you and me.
So they don't allow television in the home.
No pop culture.
You know what.
I will set that TV on fire if it means she gets in there.
That makes me very happy, honey.
Okay, so Dr.
Weir will be here tomorrow night.
Okay.
So we have 24 hours to make ourselves a Kellogg family.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Roger, you-you cannot go overboard, okay? Like you did the last time.
All we need to do is be ourselves.
And risk her not getting in? Baby.
Do you know what happens to children that do not go to preschool? Yeah, uh, I'll do the, uh, porkchops with no leeks or mushrooms.
Oh, and can I get that seared and not charred? Why don't you just eat the porkchop the way it's intended to be eaten? Excuse me? I'm just saying, someone put a lot of work into the porkchop.
You know, if you want to eat a crappy one, go home and make it yourself.
Let's get out of here.
We don't need this.
WAITER: Sir, sir.
What? I'm doing you a favor.
MOLLY (SNAPS FINGERS): Martin, get over here! Oh.
What the hell are you doing? I'm eating.
Martin.
I appreciate you coming in to support me, I do.
But you've been here three nights in a row.
Don't you have anywhere better to be? Nope.
Okay, let me rephrase.
Before I moved here, how did you fill your time? Booze.
Wow, that's depressing.
Okay.
(SCOFFS) I guess I'll just make you plans.
I haven't seen much of L.
A.
We can explore it together.
I have explored Los Angeles, and this here is the gem.
- Yeah, not an option.
- Yeah.
(CLEARS THROAT) But I have been wanting to go on those cheesy celebrity bus tours.
I'm gonna have to give a firm no, uh, on that one.
Um, besides, you need me here running defense, all right? There was a guy who ordered a steak w-well done, and then said, "I need steak sauce to go on top of it.
" Oh, my God, just stop talking.
Uh, wow.
Was that as wonderful as your face suggests? Um It was excellent execution.
It just took me by surprise.
Well, you have one day to get rid of that look.
We're going out, tomorrow night.
Griffith Observatory.
It's a date.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm gonna get you a box for your steak.
You got to go.
Okay.
(SIREN WAILS) If we want in, we need an edge.
So I'm thinking, tonight, for our interview, I'm gonna put Harper in a pair of little glasses.
Sort of a baby Hidden Figures kind of vibe.
Better she learns young, Rog life always lets you down.
You know what? That's dark, even for you.
Now what crawled up your butt? Uh nothing.
Look, if I'm gonna be stuck with grumpy Riggs all day, I should at least know why.
Molly kissed me.
Okay? You kissed your best friend's girlfriend? Hey, I'm the victim here.
You sure you didn't lead her on? Twitch that little 'stache in her direction? Please stop talking.
What's the matter with him? Kissed his friend.
Ah, the precarious line between friend and lover.
That's why Bailey and I haven't given it a shot.
Yeah, that's why.
RIGGS: I'm sure there's a dead body we can talk about.
Oh, you want to get in here, take a look? Suit yourself.
It's nice and cozy, though.
- (CAMERA CLICKS) - Victim is a white male.
No I.
D.
Bullet to the head.
Dragged here in a rug and unceremoniously dumped.
Got your drag marks right here.
Y-You want to follow them? Or you think they'll just let us down? (SIGHS) Uh, hey, guys, maybe don't tell Bailey I was in this Dumpster.
Do you recognize this man? Sorry, sugar.
Don't.
Recognize the rug, though.
Tacky stays with you.
You happen to know its owner? He's in 4B.
Tom Meanny.
Between us, it was only a matter of time.
Before what? Before he snapped.
Always been a few cigarettes short of a pack, that one.
Real nutjob.
Thanks a lot.
(HINGES CREAKING) (WHISTLES) Nutjob is right.
What is all this stuff? "FAA is curbing the population using chemtrails.
" "Fluoride used in mind control"? I did not know that.
Yeah, that's because it's not true.
He's a conspiracy theorist.
- The guy's insane.
- Is he, Rog? Or is that what the fluoride wants you to think? Hm, twisting things around.
Seeing disaster around every corner.
Hey, remind you of anyone? I am just impressed with this guy's organization skills.
I mean, you can see everything Riggs she chose to share her lips with your face.
Whatever happens next, will happen.
Everything I touch blows up.
With that attitude, it just might.
(BEEP) Hey, Rog.
(WHIRRING) I think this thing's gonna blow.
It may not be the best date ever, but No, the laptop.
(GRUNTS) (RAPID BEEPING) (BEEPING STOPS) You see? Not everything you touch (EXPLOSION, GLASS SHATTERING) Yeah.
Maybe it's just best if you stay single.
Yeah.
(DOOR OPENS, KNOCKING ON GLASS) Uh if you're here for our appointment, you're two days early.
I need a psych profile on a suspect.
Thought you might want to do some actual police work for a change.
So the guys a loner, uh, emotionally unstable, has an affinity for, uh, explosives.
Well, I think I found him.
And he's dragging soot all over my carpet.
Oh, no, that was, that was there before.
Look, stay focused, Doc.
"Delusions.
" "Erratic behavior.
" It could be paranoid schizophrenia.
But I would have to see him to give a proper diagnosis.
Was there something else? I'm good.
It's just that Like, I've been on this happy little island, you know, for, like, a while, and-and things have been going great with Molly and I.
You know? We've been hanging out, things are good, it's easy, I like her kid.
And then she kissed me.
You know, now it's ruined everything.
It's not ruined, Riggs.
Your relationship is evolving.
You don't understand.
Molly's the only aspect of my childhood that's not a complete disaster.
And the Jake, you know, there's the Jake thing on top Wait.
You're hosing me down.
Are you concerned about Molly or Jake? I'm confused.
It Both, you know, Doc.
It's a little bit of a stew.
You know? Riggs.
If you are looking to me to tell you that this is a complete disaster, you're gonna have to look somewhere else 'cause I don't think it is.
Think on it.
Mull it over.
Because it's a disaster.
Oh, um, sorry about the carpet.
(DOOR OPENS) (SIREN WAILING) BAILEY: Bad news.
Tom Meanny, the name our suspect gave the landlady, it's an anagram for "Not My Name.
" Hm.
Good.
Clever and crazy.
She's with the sketch artist now, but we did get a hit on the victim's prints.
Larry Hodson.
Couple of B&Es.
Burglaries.
I'm thinking Hodson breaks in.
Tom shoots him.
Good theory.
Better than the Illuminati raising gas prices, and the moon landing being staged in Burbank.
- (CHUCKLES) - That's ridiculous.
It was Encino.
Why not Disneyland? Because it was Encino.
They built a soundstage and everything.
Wait a minute, you really believe that the moon landing was fake? I suppose you believe that Stevie Wonder is not blind.
He goes to Lakers games.
He goes where the Seeing Eye dog takes him.
What choice does he have? I think you made your ponytail too tight.
Looks like our guy is following this woman.
Think she knows him? MURTAUGH: Maybe.
But he's already killed once.
Run those plate.
We got to find her before he does.
Mrs.
Canter.
I'm Detective Murtaugh.
Are you gonna tell me what's going on here? Do you know who this man is? That's Daddy.
What happened? Is he okay? Bailey, could you take this young lady to get some snacks? It's okay.
I know what's going on with my dad.
Is that so? Yeah.
But it's a secret.
My daddy's a superhero.
He's catching bad guys.
When he's done saving the world, he'll come home.
Hey.
- Do you like Cheese Puffs? - Yeah.
Come on.
I have a whole bag with your name on it.
- GIRL: Really? Yes.
- BAILEY (LAUGHS): Yes.
We need to talk.
WOMAN: No, you're wrong.
Jonah's not like that.
He's not violent.
He He is a wonderful father, and a loving husband.
You two don't live together.
Not when he's having an episode.
He doesn't want to upset Kate.
He has episodes? He's schizophrenic.
We met at MIT, and in 15 years, he's never hurt a soul.
He's brilliant.
His mind, it makes connections no one else can.
That's what makes him such a remarkable engineer.
But when he goes off his meds, those connections, they turn into delusions.
The conspiracy theories.
So how long has it been since you saw him last? About a month.
And you don't have any idea where he is? Sorry.
I don't.
Ms.
Canter.
If his condition is as bad as you say it is, it's for his own safety, as well as anyone else's.
Try Plummer Park.
He likes to play chess.
Says it calms his mind.
(SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE) When we get there, let me do the talking.
Spend enough time with crazy, you pick up a few things.
I don't think I like what you're implying, Rog.
Hey, if the straitjacket fits, you know? They're not here for you.
No one is after you.
Jonah? What? I said his name.
It's your tone.
- All right.
Go.
- (GRUNTS) I just want to talk, Jonah.
H-How do you know my name? Who are you? (STAMMERS) FBI? NSA? No, no, no.
Uh, just a cop.
See? I got a little shiny badge and everything.
Stay back! Hey, I hear you've got a daughter.
Right? She can't wait for you to come home.
No, my family deserves better.
They deserve a normal life.
I can't give 'em that.
I just want to make it go away.
Hey, I-I understand, right? I mean, my friend kissed me.
Not-not the fella I showed up with.
No, no.
I mean, he told me he loved me, which is a whole nother story.
A girl, you know? And it's like you said.
Right? She deserves normal, which I'm never gonna be that.
You know? And you want to know the big problem, Jonah? You know the main problem? I've agreed to go on a date with this woman.
Right? So if I cancel, I hurt her now.
If I don't cancel, I hurt her later.
And I don't know what to do.
(SCOFFS) Well, how 'bout this? Let's leave it to fate.
Okay? Point that at me.
Point the weapon at me.
Come on.
There you go.
Now, you're gonna shoot me.
Okay? And if I die, I don't have to go on the date.
(GRUNTS) Okay, you ready? (EXHALES) You want me to shoot you? Well, yeah.
You know, I mean, I can't think of a better excuse.
Right? And you'll be doing me a favor, so Go.
Before I change my mind.
Aah! (SHOUTS, GRUNTS) (GRUNTING) Huh.
Thanks, Rog.
Now I got to go on the date.
Why are you holding me? I-I told you, I didn't kill anyone.
Well, you had a gun.
And you tried to blow me up.
No.
I installed a combustible thermite chip in my hard drive to-to control my data, not-not hurt anyone.
What about the dead guy you burrito'd in your rug? He was in my rug? Of course.
How did I not see it? I'm being framed.
Oh.
And-and why would someone want to frame you, Jonah? To keep me quiet.
Something going on.
Something big.
Right here in L.
A.
I found out, and now he wants me out of the picture.
Who does? Elvis.
Elvis? Presley.
The King.
"Blue Suede Shoes," "Hound Dog," "Jailhouse" No, no, I'm-I'm familiar with his work.
You realize he's dead.
That's what he wants you to think! But he's alive, and he's controlling traffic all over Hollywood.
(GROANS) Traffic? Really? He's not doing a very good job.
JONAH: Elvis died August 16, 1977.
Eight plus 16 plus 77 is 101.
Picking up on new conspiracies? Trying to solve a murder.
Too late.
Already got the guy.
Yeah, but we don't even have hard evidence that Jonah did it.
Besides the dead body and the gun in his apartment? Why would he choose Jonah's place to rob? And a .
38-caliber bullet is not exactly rare.
And he did say Elvis was framing him.
You're losing it, Bailey.
Conspiracies start from reality.
I thought they started in Encino.
You know what, it's not funny.
- You want to know why? - I don't want to hear it.
Yeah, 'cause Elvis is still alive.
I don't want to hear I don't want to hear.
I think I'm losing my mind.
There's a lot of that going on around here.
When I ran the victim's prints, what'd I say his name was? Larry Hodson.
Why? Right.
I just looked 'em up again, and now it says David Lightman.
Something's going on.
Okay, don't get all conspiratorial.
Maybe somebody just mistyped (TRILLING) - What did you just do? - I didn't touch it.
We're being hacked.
They must want us to go there.
Maybe they have hard evidence.
Don't gloat, Bailey.
One hack a conspiracy does not make.
Elvis is dead, and the moon landing was real.
Okay, keep your guard up.
We don't know what we're looking for.
(WHIRRING NEARBY) Huh.
What is that? (SPEAKER FEEDBACK) MAN (DISTORTED): Thank you for coming, Detectives.
It can talk.
We possess sensitive information.
Are you ready to receive? MURTAUGH: Inform us of your information! We are ready to receive! Why are you talking like that? I can't help it.
The thing makes me nervous.
What do you mean it's making you nervous? Now you're making me nervous.
Well, we both can't be nervous.
Not like you have to kiss the thing.
Oh, really? You're gonna bring that up in a moment like this? - I'm just saying.
- Hello? - Detectives? Are you done? - (GUNSHOT) Yeah, we're done.
Did you have to blow that up, too? - It had information.
- It's all right.
It's running off a short-range transmitter.
Whoever's operating this thing's nearby.
Go that way.
(TIRES SCREECH) Get out of the van! Isn't this nice? Look at this.
We're all talking face-to-face.
You know, they don't do that anymore.
It's sad.
- It is sad.
- Such a wonderful way to communicate.
- It is.
- Don't shoot.
We're on your side.
Larry was our friend.
Then why did you hack us? We needed to make contact without implicating ourselves.
What about a letter? Or a telegram.
Or Bat-Signal.
Ooh, a Bat-Signal's good.
I was gonna say a courier pigeon.
- I like that.
- We had to tell you.
Jonah Canter, he's a monster.
A few months ago, we sold him hacking software.
- But we left a Trojan horse.
- Helps us track our clients, make sure they don't use our software for anything dangerous.
What was Jonah using it for? Jonah was researching megaton bombs.
What he did to Larry, that's just the beginning.
Your doctor's gonna meet us at the hospital.
For now, we're gonna give you a sedative.
Is that okay? You have nothing to worry about.
Be right behind you the whole time.
(TIRES SQUEALING) (CAR ALARM BEEPING) (CAR DOOR CLOSING) (TIRES SQUEALING) Jonah! CAHILL: Riggs.
What are you doing? I thought Homeland Security was taking over the case.
And then what? They're looking for a terrorist.
And you're not? Look, maybe Jonah killed that guy, maybe he didn't.
All right, either way, he's sick.
And he's got a wife and daughter that would like to see him come home.
I'd like to make that happen.
You and me both.
Do you want a hand? Please.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) - Here you go.
Oh, good, you're not dead.
Now I can kill you myself.
Molly? Oh, crap.
Molly.
Um, I was, I was supposed to call you.
Yeah, no, but you didn't, Martin, which is weird considering you're in a building with a hotline.
Listen, believe me, I was gonna call you.
And I was about to not kick your ass, but here we are.
I mean, I even made a list, right? I just I'm-I'm sorry.
You made a list? Yeah, of all the reasons that we shouldn't be dating.
You know? Uh, I'm Molly, - by the way.
- Maureen.
Oh, it's my, uh, my shrink.
Mm-hmm.
Poor you.
Where's that list? Well, when you find it, let me know.
For now I'll just take my 12 bucks.
- What? - For parking.
I take cash.
And I'm keeping the change.
Shut up.
What? I like her.
(DOORBELL RINGS) - Hi.
(CHUCKLES) - Hello.
Come on in.
Wow, uh Dr.
Weir, it is, uh a pleasure to have you in our home.
Oh, it's my pleasure.
These home visits really let me ground myself in a child's experience.
Oh.
Well, my child is somewhere around here, so - (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) - Here she is.
(TRISH CHUCKLES) This is Roger and our daughter Harper.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Shall we sojourn into the dining area? That sounds lovely.
Thank you.
Roger, what are you doing? Don't worry.
I got this.
(SIGHS) So, to begin, how would you describe your goals for Harper? Well, we want her to be happy - Mm-hmm.
- and kind and curious about the world.
Oh, my wife is so modest.
(CHUCKLES) Harper is already those things, huh? (LAUGHS) Why, just the other day she said, "Daddy, where do rainbows come from?" My.
Well, for a toddler her expressive vocabulary - is extraordinary.
- Yes.
- And-and that was just in English.
- Oh.
(LAUGHS) She's working on her Mandarin.
- Well, she's very independent.
- Yes, she is.
Are you following any method in particular? Ye-Yes.
The, uh, Riggs Method.
Oh.
Well, I'm not familiar.
It's new.
It's very unorthodox.
Uh, very few boundaries, and-and no bathing.
(MURTAUGH AND TRISH LAUGH) But mostly Ow.
We want Harper to feel comfortable - in her own skin.
- (GROANS) (LAUGHING): Yes.
Yes.
Fostering a sense of self.
That's precisely why Kellogg restricts access to popular culture.
- TV, Mama? - Oh Is that a a television remote? (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) I don't know.
She makes so many things out of clay a-and plastics.
She's a little genius.
Baby.
She has a laboratory up in her bedroom.
(MURTAUGH AND TRISH LAUGH) Gluten-free macaroon? Riggs? I'm serious, Maureen.
I don't want to talk about it right now.
Okay, well, then you don't want to talk about the fact that all of Jonah's notes are written on place mats.
From the same diner.
Floyd's.
You hungry? What can I get you? Actually (CLEARS THROAT) need you to look at a photo.
You ever seen this guy? Oh, yeah.
You just missed him.
He was here maybe a minute ago.
I was just about to bus his table.
(HORNS HONKING) MAN: Hey, get out of the way! CAHILL: Riggs, I think it's a detonator.
(DOOR BELLS JINGLE) Jonah, what do you have there? Hey, why don't you just put that down? No.
I'm gonna I'm gonna prove I'm gonna prove I'm not crazy.
Watch.
(HORNS HONK, METALLIC CRASHING) (GRUNTS) JONAH: I knew it! I told you, it does control traffic! The lights, they all turned green.
I don't know.
Maybe he's not crazy, after all.
Let's go.
We got-we got to stop Elvis! Okay, maybe just a little bit.
RIGGS: You're like a new man, Jonah.
Little sleep and a lot of medication.
Sounds like my kind of night.
Lot of people been looking for you.
Some crazy theories on what you've been up to.
I bet.
The truth will sound even crazier.
Well, you're in luck.
I speak crazy.
Okay.
Elvis is controlling traffic.
So you're gonna stick to that story.
Not the Elvis.
An Elvis.
Those guys who pose for photos - on Hollywood Boulevard.
- Come on, Jonah.
Hasn't anyone ever told you? Can't trust a man in white leather pants.
Look, I saw these guys dressed as Elvis c-climbing up a utility pole, installing these trigger switches, the one that you saw change the light.
So, I-I posted a video about it, and as soon as I did, those Elvises started following me everywhere.
I-I think one of them came to my apartment to try to kill me.
Okay.
(CLEARS THROAT) Let me just make sure I'm following.
So, Larry was accidentally killed because the Elvises thought that he was you? That's my theory.
Over some stoplights.
Not the lights.
The traffic.
Think about it.
I mean, thousands of people trapped in a tourist destination? And no way out? So you weren't planning an attack.
You were trying to prevent one.
You saw this work.
You know it isn't all in my head.
(INHALES) It's gonna be tough getting everyone on board.
I know I don't always see clearly.
I-I've made mistakes.
But this is my chance to make it right.
You got to believe me.
(PHONE RINGS) Hey.
How's the love of my life? TRISH: She's been better, Roger.
Harper was rejected from Kellogg.
Damn it.
I knew I should have hid that remote.
No, Dr.
Weir said it wasn't the TV.
She made it abundantly clear it was you.
Who was that person, baby? It was the person whose kid belongs at Kellogg.
No, Roger, Harper belongs where she's happy.
And that might have been Kellogg, but now we'll never know.
- (HONKING) - What is happening?! Okay, listen, I'm sorry I screwed up.
But please don't drive angry.
No, honey.
I'm not honking at you.
It's just that Hollywood's a mess, and this light has not changed for five minutes! Wait, there's something wrong with the lights in Hollywood? Yes, and it's terrible timing.
And this mall, it's a zoo.
And why do they call it Black Friday, huh? - Because it lasts a week.
- Okay, I'm gonna have to call you back.
Hey, Bailey, I need to borrow that incredibly paranoid brain of yours.
Okay, if you're ready.
What if Jonah was right about traffic but wrong about the bomb? I'd buy it.
I've been checking the map and Transpo shows lights acting up all over Hollywood.
The whole neighborhood has been gridlocked.
Okay.
I never thought I'd say this, but we need to put a BOLO out for Elvis.
Told you he wasn't dead.
(PEOPLE SHOUTING) (HORNS HONKING) (HORNS HONKING) (PEOPLE SHOUTING) MAN: Swing a right.
(TIRES SCREECHING) (GRUNTS) Sir! You okay, sir? Never better.
Drop it and get the hell out.
(IMITATES ELVIS): Thank you.
Thank you very much.
MAN: To your right, you'll see Gary Busey's go-to bagel shop.
Fun fact.
Gary is a pumpernickel man.
(CHUCKLES) Lightly toasted.
And for all of you Adam Levine fans, we got a real big excitement here.
I'm actually auditioning for Uh, hey, sir.
This is a private tour.
- These people paid money to be here.
- Oh.
Yeah, don't let me interrupt.
Uh, keep-keep going.
You're doing a great job.
Okay.
Uh Martin, how did you know Wait, have you been following me? That's awful paranoid.
- I tracked your phone.
- (CHUCKLES) Well, if you came for your change, you're too late I already spent it.
Look, you told me to come and find you, or to tell you when I got the list.
So, I found the list.
Had to do that in person, huh? I just don't want things to be weird between us, okay? I figured if you saw the reasons why we shouldn't date, it'd make it easier for you to understand.
Snatch it.
"She keeps the A.
C.
at 74.
" It's hot.
It's hot.
- It's not that hot.
- It's 74.
It's hot.
"Aggressive use of cumin"? - I do love my cumin.
- You love it.
As you can see, those are valid reasons.
Oh, oh, it's a solid list.
You do realize it's nowhere near complete, right? I can think of, like, a dozen more reasons why we shouldn't be together.
Let me find my pen.
Oh.
Well, then great.
Good.
I'm-I'm glad you're on board.
Write down all that you need to - (PHONE RINGING) - write down.
- Hey, Rog.
- Elvis has left the building.
- (SIREN WAILING) - I REPEAT: Elvis has left the building.
Have you been day-drinking without me? Shut up and listen.
Transpo says that lights are out all over Hollywood.
Okay? Someone's blocking traffic trying to keep the cops out, create an escape route.
Jonah was right there is a bomb.
Armored truck, flush with Black Friday cash, - headed to the bank.
- Let me guess.
Elvis.
Back from the dead and strapped.
No one's getting in or out of Hollywood.
- But you're there, right? - Yeah.
Me and a bus full of German tourists.
And an armored truck full of Elvises.
Hey.
The list is gonna have to wait.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, uh, I have just found out that Tom Cruise is inside this dumpling house! Great photo op! Get your cameras, guys.
Go, Molly.
RIGGS: Maverick! Yes, sir, Cole Trickle! All right, all right, people, off the bus! That's it.
Yep, yep.
Thank you so much.
All clear back there.
All right.
I'm gonna have to take this, if you won't mind.
Yep, yep, I'm a, uh, industry professional.
All right, you'll get it back.
Maybe.
- You, too, princess.
- Oh, no, I know exactly what I'm getting into, and I'm staying.
You made a list of reasons why we shouldn't date.
Well, I got reasons, too.
You're gonna hear 'em.
Burning time, Detective.
You know, I forget how stubborn you are sometimes.
Ooh.
Well, you should've added that to this list.
Hang on.
(HORNS HONKING) MOLLY: All right! Number one I've always beat you at Mario Kart, which drives you crazy.
Number two I know what you look like under that mustache, which, frankly, I'm still trying to get used to.
But the big one, the real reason why we shouldn't be together? This is scary as hell.
Yeah.
I'm scared.
And I know you're scared, too.
I remember what that looks like.
But that's good.
It means we've got something to lose.
(SIREN WAILING, TIRES SQUEALING) MOLLY: All right.
So, when we catch them, what do we do? What's the plan? Uh, usually, these things kind of just work themselves out, you know.
(LAUGHS): You you haven't changed a bit.
You know that? Give me the wheel.
- Not a chance.
- You need help, and I've always been a better driver than you anyway.
(LAUGHS) (MOCK LAUGH) All right, look, stay in their blind spot - and ride the brakes.
- Martin, I got this.
A little less conversation, a little more action, please All this aggravation ain't satisfactionin' me A little more bite and a little less bark A little less fight and a little more spark Close your mouth and open up your heart And, baby, satisfy me Satisfy me, baby Satisfy me A little more bite and a little less bark A little less fight and a little more spark It's better than the movies! He's on the roof.
I can't see nothin'.
Baby, close your eyes (AUTOMATIC GUNFIRE) It's a groovy night and I can show you How to use it, come along with me And put your mind at ease, hey A little less conversation (GUNSHOTS) (TIRES SQUEALING) A little more bite, a little less bark A little less fight, a little more spark Close your mouth and open up your heart - (GUNSHOT) - (GRUNTING) Satisfy me, baby Baby, I'm tired of talkin' Grab your coat and let's start walkin' (SIREN WAILING) Come on, come on Come on, come on Come on, come on Come on, come on Don't procrastinate Don't articulate Girl, it's getting late, I'm gettin' upset (TIRES SCREECHING) And a little less conversation A little more action, please (TIRES SCREECHING) (PANICKED SHOUTS, SCREAMING) Out of the way! (TIRES SCREECHING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Dr.
Weir? (PEOPLE CHATTERING) - MAN: You guys okay? - (SIREN APPROACHING) (SIREN STOPS) All right, Elvis, hands up! Hands where I can see 'em! Ah.
It's about time you showed up.
(GRUNTS) And miss Elvis? You were right.
That tour was boring.
What do you want to do tonight? Dr.
Weir! Oh.
Funny running into you.
If this is about your daughter's admission, Mr.
Murtaugh, I'm sorry all decisions are final.
Yes, we got the e-mail.
While I have you, I do have one question.
Have you seen any good movies lately? Movies? No.
You know Kellogg's policy on popular culture.
Shame.
I just saw a terrific film.
All captured on a dash camera of a squad car.
- Oh.
- You can make out movie posters, candy brands, even faces.
You know who would enjoy this? (WHISPERS): The headmaster.
Come to think of it, there may have been a typo - in that e-mail.
- What? It should have said wait-listed.
No.
I am wrong.
It was accepted.
Wow.
Well, that's great news.
Okay, so that's not the only copy.
I will see you at orientation.
Parked my car this way.
(DISTANT SIREN WAILING) RIGGS: Well, good news.
Elvis sang like well, like Elvis.
Everything you said was right.
They killed Larry, thinking it was you.
Can't have been easy to believe me.
I I don't know how to thank you.
Well, thanks to you, we have two less Elvises disrespecting the "Blue Suede Shoes.
" Never trust a man in white leather pants.
MRS.
CANTER: Jonah.
Daddy! Hi.
Your dad saved the day.
I know.
He's a superhero.
(QUIETLY): Thank you.
When people keep repeating You'll never fall in love Think he's gonna be all right? It'll be a long road, but he's got support.
Speaking of I heard you had an exciting day with Molly.
Well, I gave her my list.
So that's it? You're done? Oh, no.
We're gonna go out tonight.
Good.
I think you two are perfect for each other.
No, we're terrible for each other.
That's why it's perfect.
- To your heart - MOLLY: So - where to, tour guide? - I thought we'd go to the L.
A.
Tar Pits.
You know, since I love tar and animals being stuck in it.
(LAUGHS) Yeah, actually, I think I've done enough sightseeing for one day.
Yeah? Why don't you show me Martin Riggs' L.
A.
You must do something around here for fun.
(SIGHS): Well sometimes I get drunk.
- (LAUGHS) - Sometimes I drink milkshakes.
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, very very special days, (WHISPERS): I do both.
(GASPS): Oh.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know a good place? To your heart (MOLLY LAUGHING) Shh! You're being too loud! You're you're shouting right now.
- (BLENDER WHIRRING) - You're shouting.
Shh.
Do you think he heard us? I don't know.
- (WHISPERS): Okay.
- Waah! MOLLY (GIGGLES): Ouch! Riggs.
(MUFFLED SHRIEK) What the hell you doin' here? Um, I could ask you the same thing, Rog.
(MOLLY EXHALES, RIGGS CLEARS THROAT) Would you like a milkshake? She's got the badge (GIGGLING): He's (WHISPERS): he's lactose-intolerant.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Yeah, I'm lactose-intolerant.
And I'm intolerant of this, too.
I expect this from you.
But you.
Mm, mm.
(SPUTTERS) (LAUGHING) You know what? Don't have sex in my kitchen.
Wh-What? I have a black light.
- Yuch.
- How dare you! It's not that gross.
Uh, maybe.
(GASPS) Oh - What? - I've got another one.
- Mm? - Ruining Murtaugh's sleep.
Ooh, put it on the list.
It's in my pocket.
In weird spots.
I'm not finding it.
Wise men say Only fools Rush In But I Can't Help Falling in love With you
" (LAUGHS) - (CAMERA CLICKING) - Blondes have more fun.
(GRUNTS) Hey, watch it, assface! LAPD! Stop! Police! (HORNS HONKING) (TIRES SCREECH) (PANTING) (PANTING) (PANTING) (MUGGER SCREAMS) I didn't do it! Take it! I don't want it.
Take it.
LAPD! Stop! (LIQUID DRIPPING) (GUNSHOT ON TV) Fan out.
Fan out.
Give him the tear gas from both sides.
That was Tony Jarrett talking.
I-I look forward to it.
Okay, bye.
TRISH (LAUGHS): Honey.
Great news.
(TURNS OFF TV) Hey, young lady, respect the remote.
Trust me.
You're gonna want to hear this.
A spot just opened up at Kellogg.
Okay, I hear the excitement in your tone, and then I'm just totally lost.
Honey, Kellogg Preschool.
I put Harper on the wait-list before she was even born.
So, we have an interview.
- An interview? - Mm-hmm.
For preschool? Okay, before you say no look at this.
WOMAN: At Kellogg, our state of the art play space and hands-on curriculum bring learning to life.
From our organic farm to our petting zoo Piglets? (LAUGHING) You're damn right it's piglets.
Wow.
And, honey, they have a robotics lab and a music room designed by Missy Elliott.
This-this school is heaven.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
- I'm listening to the lady.
- Okay.
Eight out of ten graduates move on to the Ivy League.
Your child's future awaits.
Are you a Kellogg family? You're damn skippy we are.
(LAUGHS) Yeah, but listen.
I love that you're excited, but you should know that they have some strict rules.
Hey, it's okay.
Whatever it is, Harper can handle it.
Look at her.
(TRISH LAUGHS) Yeah, well, the rules are for you and me.
So they don't allow television in the home.
No pop culture.
You know what.
I will set that TV on fire if it means she gets in there.
That makes me very happy, honey.
Okay, so Dr.
Weir will be here tomorrow night.
Okay.
So we have 24 hours to make ourselves a Kellogg family.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Roger, you-you cannot go overboard, okay? Like you did the last time.
All we need to do is be ourselves.
And risk her not getting in? Baby.
Do you know what happens to children that do not go to preschool? Yeah, uh, I'll do the, uh, porkchops with no leeks or mushrooms.
Oh, and can I get that seared and not charred? Why don't you just eat the porkchop the way it's intended to be eaten? Excuse me? I'm just saying, someone put a lot of work into the porkchop.
You know, if you want to eat a crappy one, go home and make it yourself.
Let's get out of here.
We don't need this.
WAITER: Sir, sir.
What? I'm doing you a favor.
MOLLY (SNAPS FINGERS): Martin, get over here! Oh.
What the hell are you doing? I'm eating.
Martin.
I appreciate you coming in to support me, I do.
But you've been here three nights in a row.
Don't you have anywhere better to be? Nope.
Okay, let me rephrase.
Before I moved here, how did you fill your time? Booze.
Wow, that's depressing.
Okay.
(SCOFFS) I guess I'll just make you plans.
I haven't seen much of L.
A.
We can explore it together.
I have explored Los Angeles, and this here is the gem.
- Yeah, not an option.
- Yeah.
(CLEARS THROAT) But I have been wanting to go on those cheesy celebrity bus tours.
I'm gonna have to give a firm no, uh, on that one.
Um, besides, you need me here running defense, all right? There was a guy who ordered a steak w-well done, and then said, "I need steak sauce to go on top of it.
" Oh, my God, just stop talking.
Uh, wow.
Was that as wonderful as your face suggests? Um It was excellent execution.
It just took me by surprise.
Well, you have one day to get rid of that look.
We're going out, tomorrow night.
Griffith Observatory.
It's a date.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm gonna get you a box for your steak.
You got to go.
Okay.
(SIREN WAILS) If we want in, we need an edge.
So I'm thinking, tonight, for our interview, I'm gonna put Harper in a pair of little glasses.
Sort of a baby Hidden Figures kind of vibe.
Better she learns young, Rog life always lets you down.
You know what? That's dark, even for you.
Now what crawled up your butt? Uh nothing.
Look, if I'm gonna be stuck with grumpy Riggs all day, I should at least know why.
Molly kissed me.
Okay? You kissed your best friend's girlfriend? Hey, I'm the victim here.
You sure you didn't lead her on? Twitch that little 'stache in her direction? Please stop talking.
What's the matter with him? Kissed his friend.
Ah, the precarious line between friend and lover.
That's why Bailey and I haven't given it a shot.
Yeah, that's why.
RIGGS: I'm sure there's a dead body we can talk about.
Oh, you want to get in here, take a look? Suit yourself.
It's nice and cozy, though.
- (CAMERA CLICKS) - Victim is a white male.
No I.
D.
Bullet to the head.
Dragged here in a rug and unceremoniously dumped.
Got your drag marks right here.
Y-You want to follow them? Or you think they'll just let us down? (SIGHS) Uh, hey, guys, maybe don't tell Bailey I was in this Dumpster.
Do you recognize this man? Sorry, sugar.
Don't.
Recognize the rug, though.
Tacky stays with you.
You happen to know its owner? He's in 4B.
Tom Meanny.
Between us, it was only a matter of time.
Before what? Before he snapped.
Always been a few cigarettes short of a pack, that one.
Real nutjob.
Thanks a lot.
(HINGES CREAKING) (WHISTLES) Nutjob is right.
What is all this stuff? "FAA is curbing the population using chemtrails.
" "Fluoride used in mind control"? I did not know that.
Yeah, that's because it's not true.
He's a conspiracy theorist.
- The guy's insane.
- Is he, Rog? Or is that what the fluoride wants you to think? Hm, twisting things around.
Seeing disaster around every corner.
Hey, remind you of anyone? I am just impressed with this guy's organization skills.
I mean, you can see everything Riggs she chose to share her lips with your face.
Whatever happens next, will happen.
Everything I touch blows up.
With that attitude, it just might.
(BEEP) Hey, Rog.
(WHIRRING) I think this thing's gonna blow.
It may not be the best date ever, but No, the laptop.
(GRUNTS) (RAPID BEEPING) (BEEPING STOPS) You see? Not everything you touch (EXPLOSION, GLASS SHATTERING) Yeah.
Maybe it's just best if you stay single.
Yeah.
(DOOR OPENS, KNOCKING ON GLASS) Uh if you're here for our appointment, you're two days early.
I need a psych profile on a suspect.
Thought you might want to do some actual police work for a change.
So the guys a loner, uh, emotionally unstable, has an affinity for, uh, explosives.
Well, I think I found him.
And he's dragging soot all over my carpet.
Oh, no, that was, that was there before.
Look, stay focused, Doc.
"Delusions.
" "Erratic behavior.
" It could be paranoid schizophrenia.
But I would have to see him to give a proper diagnosis.
Was there something else? I'm good.
It's just that Like, I've been on this happy little island, you know, for, like, a while, and-and things have been going great with Molly and I.
You know? We've been hanging out, things are good, it's easy, I like her kid.
And then she kissed me.
You know, now it's ruined everything.
It's not ruined, Riggs.
Your relationship is evolving.
You don't understand.
Molly's the only aspect of my childhood that's not a complete disaster.
And the Jake, you know, there's the Jake thing on top Wait.
You're hosing me down.
Are you concerned about Molly or Jake? I'm confused.
It Both, you know, Doc.
It's a little bit of a stew.
You know? Riggs.
If you are looking to me to tell you that this is a complete disaster, you're gonna have to look somewhere else 'cause I don't think it is.
Think on it.
Mull it over.
Because it's a disaster.
Oh, um, sorry about the carpet.
(DOOR OPENS) (SIREN WAILING) BAILEY: Bad news.
Tom Meanny, the name our suspect gave the landlady, it's an anagram for "Not My Name.
" Hm.
Good.
Clever and crazy.
She's with the sketch artist now, but we did get a hit on the victim's prints.
Larry Hodson.
Couple of B&Es.
Burglaries.
I'm thinking Hodson breaks in.
Tom shoots him.
Good theory.
Better than the Illuminati raising gas prices, and the moon landing being staged in Burbank.
- (CHUCKLES) - That's ridiculous.
It was Encino.
Why not Disneyland? Because it was Encino.
They built a soundstage and everything.
Wait a minute, you really believe that the moon landing was fake? I suppose you believe that Stevie Wonder is not blind.
He goes to Lakers games.
He goes where the Seeing Eye dog takes him.
What choice does he have? I think you made your ponytail too tight.
Looks like our guy is following this woman.
Think she knows him? MURTAUGH: Maybe.
But he's already killed once.
Run those plate.
We got to find her before he does.
Mrs.
Canter.
I'm Detective Murtaugh.
Are you gonna tell me what's going on here? Do you know who this man is? That's Daddy.
What happened? Is he okay? Bailey, could you take this young lady to get some snacks? It's okay.
I know what's going on with my dad.
Is that so? Yeah.
But it's a secret.
My daddy's a superhero.
He's catching bad guys.
When he's done saving the world, he'll come home.
Hey.
- Do you like Cheese Puffs? - Yeah.
Come on.
I have a whole bag with your name on it.
- GIRL: Really? Yes.
- BAILEY (LAUGHS): Yes.
We need to talk.
WOMAN: No, you're wrong.
Jonah's not like that.
He's not violent.
He He is a wonderful father, and a loving husband.
You two don't live together.
Not when he's having an episode.
He doesn't want to upset Kate.
He has episodes? He's schizophrenic.
We met at MIT, and in 15 years, he's never hurt a soul.
He's brilliant.
His mind, it makes connections no one else can.
That's what makes him such a remarkable engineer.
But when he goes off his meds, those connections, they turn into delusions.
The conspiracy theories.
So how long has it been since you saw him last? About a month.
And you don't have any idea where he is? Sorry.
I don't.
Ms.
Canter.
If his condition is as bad as you say it is, it's for his own safety, as well as anyone else's.
Try Plummer Park.
He likes to play chess.
Says it calms his mind.
(SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE) When we get there, let me do the talking.
Spend enough time with crazy, you pick up a few things.
I don't think I like what you're implying, Rog.
Hey, if the straitjacket fits, you know? They're not here for you.
No one is after you.
Jonah? What? I said his name.
It's your tone.
- All right.
Go.
- (GRUNTS) I just want to talk, Jonah.
H-How do you know my name? Who are you? (STAMMERS) FBI? NSA? No, no, no.
Uh, just a cop.
See? I got a little shiny badge and everything.
Stay back! Hey, I hear you've got a daughter.
Right? She can't wait for you to come home.
No, my family deserves better.
They deserve a normal life.
I can't give 'em that.
I just want to make it go away.
Hey, I-I understand, right? I mean, my friend kissed me.
Not-not the fella I showed up with.
No, no.
I mean, he told me he loved me, which is a whole nother story.
A girl, you know? And it's like you said.
Right? She deserves normal, which I'm never gonna be that.
You know? And you want to know the big problem, Jonah? You know the main problem? I've agreed to go on a date with this woman.
Right? So if I cancel, I hurt her now.
If I don't cancel, I hurt her later.
And I don't know what to do.
(SCOFFS) Well, how 'bout this? Let's leave it to fate.
Okay? Point that at me.
Point the weapon at me.
Come on.
There you go.
Now, you're gonna shoot me.
Okay? And if I die, I don't have to go on the date.
(GRUNTS) Okay, you ready? (EXHALES) You want me to shoot you? Well, yeah.
You know, I mean, I can't think of a better excuse.
Right? And you'll be doing me a favor, so Go.
Before I change my mind.
Aah! (SHOUTS, GRUNTS) (GRUNTING) Huh.
Thanks, Rog.
Now I got to go on the date.
Why are you holding me? I-I told you, I didn't kill anyone.
Well, you had a gun.
And you tried to blow me up.
No.
I installed a combustible thermite chip in my hard drive to-to control my data, not-not hurt anyone.
What about the dead guy you burrito'd in your rug? He was in my rug? Of course.
How did I not see it? I'm being framed.
Oh.
And-and why would someone want to frame you, Jonah? To keep me quiet.
Something going on.
Something big.
Right here in L.
A.
I found out, and now he wants me out of the picture.
Who does? Elvis.
Elvis? Presley.
The King.
"Blue Suede Shoes," "Hound Dog," "Jailhouse" No, no, I'm-I'm familiar with his work.
You realize he's dead.
That's what he wants you to think! But he's alive, and he's controlling traffic all over Hollywood.
(GROANS) Traffic? Really? He's not doing a very good job.
JONAH: Elvis died August 16, 1977.
Eight plus 16 plus 77 is 101.
Picking up on new conspiracies? Trying to solve a murder.
Too late.
Already got the guy.
Yeah, but we don't even have hard evidence that Jonah did it.
Besides the dead body and the gun in his apartment? Why would he choose Jonah's place to rob? And a .
38-caliber bullet is not exactly rare.
And he did say Elvis was framing him.
You're losing it, Bailey.
Conspiracies start from reality.
I thought they started in Encino.
You know what, it's not funny.
- You want to know why? - I don't want to hear it.
Yeah, 'cause Elvis is still alive.
I don't want to hear I don't want to hear.
I think I'm losing my mind.
There's a lot of that going on around here.
When I ran the victim's prints, what'd I say his name was? Larry Hodson.
Why? Right.
I just looked 'em up again, and now it says David Lightman.
Something's going on.
Okay, don't get all conspiratorial.
Maybe somebody just mistyped (TRILLING) - What did you just do? - I didn't touch it.
We're being hacked.
They must want us to go there.
Maybe they have hard evidence.
Don't gloat, Bailey.
One hack a conspiracy does not make.
Elvis is dead, and the moon landing was real.
Okay, keep your guard up.
We don't know what we're looking for.
(WHIRRING NEARBY) Huh.
What is that? (SPEAKER FEEDBACK) MAN (DISTORTED): Thank you for coming, Detectives.
It can talk.
We possess sensitive information.
Are you ready to receive? MURTAUGH: Inform us of your information! We are ready to receive! Why are you talking like that? I can't help it.
The thing makes me nervous.
What do you mean it's making you nervous? Now you're making me nervous.
Well, we both can't be nervous.
Not like you have to kiss the thing.
Oh, really? You're gonna bring that up in a moment like this? - I'm just saying.
- Hello? - Detectives? Are you done? - (GUNSHOT) Yeah, we're done.
Did you have to blow that up, too? - It had information.
- It's all right.
It's running off a short-range transmitter.
Whoever's operating this thing's nearby.
Go that way.
(TIRES SCREECH) Get out of the van! Isn't this nice? Look at this.
We're all talking face-to-face.
You know, they don't do that anymore.
It's sad.
- It is sad.
- Such a wonderful way to communicate.
- It is.
- Don't shoot.
We're on your side.
Larry was our friend.
Then why did you hack us? We needed to make contact without implicating ourselves.
What about a letter? Or a telegram.
Or Bat-Signal.
Ooh, a Bat-Signal's good.
I was gonna say a courier pigeon.
- I like that.
- We had to tell you.
Jonah Canter, he's a monster.
A few months ago, we sold him hacking software.
- But we left a Trojan horse.
- Helps us track our clients, make sure they don't use our software for anything dangerous.
What was Jonah using it for? Jonah was researching megaton bombs.
What he did to Larry, that's just the beginning.
Your doctor's gonna meet us at the hospital.
For now, we're gonna give you a sedative.
Is that okay? You have nothing to worry about.
Be right behind you the whole time.
(TIRES SQUEALING) (CAR ALARM BEEPING) (CAR DOOR CLOSING) (TIRES SQUEALING) Jonah! CAHILL: Riggs.
What are you doing? I thought Homeland Security was taking over the case.
And then what? They're looking for a terrorist.
And you're not? Look, maybe Jonah killed that guy, maybe he didn't.
All right, either way, he's sick.
And he's got a wife and daughter that would like to see him come home.
I'd like to make that happen.
You and me both.
Do you want a hand? Please.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) - Here you go.
Oh, good, you're not dead.
Now I can kill you myself.
Molly? Oh, crap.
Molly.
Um, I was, I was supposed to call you.
Yeah, no, but you didn't, Martin, which is weird considering you're in a building with a hotline.
Listen, believe me, I was gonna call you.
And I was about to not kick your ass, but here we are.
I mean, I even made a list, right? I just I'm-I'm sorry.
You made a list? Yeah, of all the reasons that we shouldn't be dating.
You know? Uh, I'm Molly, - by the way.
- Maureen.
Oh, it's my, uh, my shrink.
Mm-hmm.
Poor you.
Where's that list? Well, when you find it, let me know.
For now I'll just take my 12 bucks.
- What? - For parking.
I take cash.
And I'm keeping the change.
Shut up.
What? I like her.
(DOORBELL RINGS) - Hi.
(CHUCKLES) - Hello.
Come on in.
Wow, uh Dr.
Weir, it is, uh a pleasure to have you in our home.
Oh, it's my pleasure.
These home visits really let me ground myself in a child's experience.
Oh.
Well, my child is somewhere around here, so - (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) - Here she is.
(TRISH CHUCKLES) This is Roger and our daughter Harper.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Shall we sojourn into the dining area? That sounds lovely.
Thank you.
Roger, what are you doing? Don't worry.
I got this.
(SIGHS) So, to begin, how would you describe your goals for Harper? Well, we want her to be happy - Mm-hmm.
- and kind and curious about the world.
Oh, my wife is so modest.
(CHUCKLES) Harper is already those things, huh? (LAUGHS) Why, just the other day she said, "Daddy, where do rainbows come from?" My.
Well, for a toddler her expressive vocabulary - is extraordinary.
- Yes.
- And-and that was just in English.
- Oh.
(LAUGHS) She's working on her Mandarin.
- Well, she's very independent.
- Yes, she is.
Are you following any method in particular? Ye-Yes.
The, uh, Riggs Method.
Oh.
Well, I'm not familiar.
It's new.
It's very unorthodox.
Uh, very few boundaries, and-and no bathing.
(MURTAUGH AND TRISH LAUGH) But mostly Ow.
We want Harper to feel comfortable - in her own skin.
- (GROANS) (LAUGHING): Yes.
Yes.
Fostering a sense of self.
That's precisely why Kellogg restricts access to popular culture.
- TV, Mama? - Oh Is that a a television remote? (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) I don't know.
She makes so many things out of clay a-and plastics.
She's a little genius.
Baby.
She has a laboratory up in her bedroom.
(MURTAUGH AND TRISH LAUGH) Gluten-free macaroon? Riggs? I'm serious, Maureen.
I don't want to talk about it right now.
Okay, well, then you don't want to talk about the fact that all of Jonah's notes are written on place mats.
From the same diner.
Floyd's.
You hungry? What can I get you? Actually (CLEARS THROAT) need you to look at a photo.
You ever seen this guy? Oh, yeah.
You just missed him.
He was here maybe a minute ago.
I was just about to bus his table.
(HORNS HONKING) MAN: Hey, get out of the way! CAHILL: Riggs, I think it's a detonator.
(DOOR BELLS JINGLE) Jonah, what do you have there? Hey, why don't you just put that down? No.
I'm gonna I'm gonna prove I'm gonna prove I'm not crazy.
Watch.
(HORNS HONK, METALLIC CRASHING) (GRUNTS) JONAH: I knew it! I told you, it does control traffic! The lights, they all turned green.
I don't know.
Maybe he's not crazy, after all.
Let's go.
We got-we got to stop Elvis! Okay, maybe just a little bit.
RIGGS: You're like a new man, Jonah.
Little sleep and a lot of medication.
Sounds like my kind of night.
Lot of people been looking for you.
Some crazy theories on what you've been up to.
I bet.
The truth will sound even crazier.
Well, you're in luck.
I speak crazy.
Okay.
Elvis is controlling traffic.
So you're gonna stick to that story.
Not the Elvis.
An Elvis.
Those guys who pose for photos - on Hollywood Boulevard.
- Come on, Jonah.
Hasn't anyone ever told you? Can't trust a man in white leather pants.
Look, I saw these guys dressed as Elvis c-climbing up a utility pole, installing these trigger switches, the one that you saw change the light.
So, I-I posted a video about it, and as soon as I did, those Elvises started following me everywhere.
I-I think one of them came to my apartment to try to kill me.
Okay.
(CLEARS THROAT) Let me just make sure I'm following.
So, Larry was accidentally killed because the Elvises thought that he was you? That's my theory.
Over some stoplights.
Not the lights.
The traffic.
Think about it.
I mean, thousands of people trapped in a tourist destination? And no way out? So you weren't planning an attack.
You were trying to prevent one.
You saw this work.
You know it isn't all in my head.
(INHALES) It's gonna be tough getting everyone on board.
I know I don't always see clearly.
I-I've made mistakes.
But this is my chance to make it right.
You got to believe me.
(PHONE RINGS) Hey.
How's the love of my life? TRISH: She's been better, Roger.
Harper was rejected from Kellogg.
Damn it.
I knew I should have hid that remote.
No, Dr.
Weir said it wasn't the TV.
She made it abundantly clear it was you.
Who was that person, baby? It was the person whose kid belongs at Kellogg.
No, Roger, Harper belongs where she's happy.
And that might have been Kellogg, but now we'll never know.
- (HONKING) - What is happening?! Okay, listen, I'm sorry I screwed up.
But please don't drive angry.
No, honey.
I'm not honking at you.
It's just that Hollywood's a mess, and this light has not changed for five minutes! Wait, there's something wrong with the lights in Hollywood? Yes, and it's terrible timing.
And this mall, it's a zoo.
And why do they call it Black Friday, huh? - Because it lasts a week.
- Okay, I'm gonna have to call you back.
Hey, Bailey, I need to borrow that incredibly paranoid brain of yours.
Okay, if you're ready.
What if Jonah was right about traffic but wrong about the bomb? I'd buy it.
I've been checking the map and Transpo shows lights acting up all over Hollywood.
The whole neighborhood has been gridlocked.
Okay.
I never thought I'd say this, but we need to put a BOLO out for Elvis.
Told you he wasn't dead.
(PEOPLE SHOUTING) (HORNS HONKING) (HORNS HONKING) (PEOPLE SHOUTING) MAN: Swing a right.
(TIRES SCREECHING) (GRUNTS) Sir! You okay, sir? Never better.
Drop it and get the hell out.
(IMITATES ELVIS): Thank you.
Thank you very much.
MAN: To your right, you'll see Gary Busey's go-to bagel shop.
Fun fact.
Gary is a pumpernickel man.
(CHUCKLES) Lightly toasted.
And for all of you Adam Levine fans, we got a real big excitement here.
I'm actually auditioning for Uh, hey, sir.
This is a private tour.
- These people paid money to be here.
- Oh.
Yeah, don't let me interrupt.
Uh, keep-keep going.
You're doing a great job.
Okay.
Uh Martin, how did you know Wait, have you been following me? That's awful paranoid.
- I tracked your phone.
- (CHUCKLES) Well, if you came for your change, you're too late I already spent it.
Look, you told me to come and find you, or to tell you when I got the list.
So, I found the list.
Had to do that in person, huh? I just don't want things to be weird between us, okay? I figured if you saw the reasons why we shouldn't date, it'd make it easier for you to understand.
Snatch it.
"She keeps the A.
C.
at 74.
" It's hot.
It's hot.
- It's not that hot.
- It's 74.
It's hot.
"Aggressive use of cumin"? - I do love my cumin.
- You love it.
As you can see, those are valid reasons.
Oh, oh, it's a solid list.
You do realize it's nowhere near complete, right? I can think of, like, a dozen more reasons why we shouldn't be together.
Let me find my pen.
Oh.
Well, then great.
Good.
I'm-I'm glad you're on board.
Write down all that you need to - (PHONE RINGING) - write down.
- Hey, Rog.
- Elvis has left the building.
- (SIREN WAILING) - I REPEAT: Elvis has left the building.
Have you been day-drinking without me? Shut up and listen.
Transpo says that lights are out all over Hollywood.
Okay? Someone's blocking traffic trying to keep the cops out, create an escape route.
Jonah was right there is a bomb.
Armored truck, flush with Black Friday cash, - headed to the bank.
- Let me guess.
Elvis.
Back from the dead and strapped.
No one's getting in or out of Hollywood.
- But you're there, right? - Yeah.
Me and a bus full of German tourists.
And an armored truck full of Elvises.
Hey.
The list is gonna have to wait.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, uh, I have just found out that Tom Cruise is inside this dumpling house! Great photo op! Get your cameras, guys.
Go, Molly.
RIGGS: Maverick! Yes, sir, Cole Trickle! All right, all right, people, off the bus! That's it.
Yep, yep.
Thank you so much.
All clear back there.
All right.
I'm gonna have to take this, if you won't mind.
Yep, yep, I'm a, uh, industry professional.
All right, you'll get it back.
Maybe.
- You, too, princess.
- Oh, no, I know exactly what I'm getting into, and I'm staying.
You made a list of reasons why we shouldn't date.
Well, I got reasons, too.
You're gonna hear 'em.
Burning time, Detective.
You know, I forget how stubborn you are sometimes.
Ooh.
Well, you should've added that to this list.
Hang on.
(HORNS HONKING) MOLLY: All right! Number one I've always beat you at Mario Kart, which drives you crazy.
Number two I know what you look like under that mustache, which, frankly, I'm still trying to get used to.
But the big one, the real reason why we shouldn't be together? This is scary as hell.
Yeah.
I'm scared.
And I know you're scared, too.
I remember what that looks like.
But that's good.
It means we've got something to lose.
(SIREN WAILING, TIRES SQUEALING) MOLLY: All right.
So, when we catch them, what do we do? What's the plan? Uh, usually, these things kind of just work themselves out, you know.
(LAUGHS): You you haven't changed a bit.
You know that? Give me the wheel.
- Not a chance.
- You need help, and I've always been a better driver than you anyway.
(LAUGHS) (MOCK LAUGH) All right, look, stay in their blind spot - and ride the brakes.
- Martin, I got this.
A little less conversation, a little more action, please All this aggravation ain't satisfactionin' me A little more bite and a little less bark A little less fight and a little more spark Close your mouth and open up your heart And, baby, satisfy me Satisfy me, baby Satisfy me A little more bite and a little less bark A little less fight and a little more spark It's better than the movies! He's on the roof.
I can't see nothin'.
Baby, close your eyes (AUTOMATIC GUNFIRE) It's a groovy night and I can show you How to use it, come along with me And put your mind at ease, hey A little less conversation (GUNSHOTS) (TIRES SQUEALING) A little more bite, a little less bark A little less fight, a little more spark Close your mouth and open up your heart - (GUNSHOT) - (GRUNTING) Satisfy me, baby Baby, I'm tired of talkin' Grab your coat and let's start walkin' (SIREN WAILING) Come on, come on Come on, come on Come on, come on Come on, come on Don't procrastinate Don't articulate Girl, it's getting late, I'm gettin' upset (TIRES SCREECHING) And a little less conversation A little more action, please (TIRES SCREECHING) (PANICKED SHOUTS, SCREAMING) Out of the way! (TIRES SCREECHING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Dr.
Weir? (PEOPLE CHATTERING) - MAN: You guys okay? - (SIREN APPROACHING) (SIREN STOPS) All right, Elvis, hands up! Hands where I can see 'em! Ah.
It's about time you showed up.
(GRUNTS) And miss Elvis? You were right.
That tour was boring.
What do you want to do tonight? Dr.
Weir! Oh.
Funny running into you.
If this is about your daughter's admission, Mr.
Murtaugh, I'm sorry all decisions are final.
Yes, we got the e-mail.
While I have you, I do have one question.
Have you seen any good movies lately? Movies? No.
You know Kellogg's policy on popular culture.
Shame.
I just saw a terrific film.
All captured on a dash camera of a squad car.
- Oh.
- You can make out movie posters, candy brands, even faces.
You know who would enjoy this? (WHISPERS): The headmaster.
Come to think of it, there may have been a typo - in that e-mail.
- What? It should have said wait-listed.
No.
I am wrong.
It was accepted.
Wow.
Well, that's great news.
Okay, so that's not the only copy.
I will see you at orientation.
Parked my car this way.
(DISTANT SIREN WAILING) RIGGS: Well, good news.
Elvis sang like well, like Elvis.
Everything you said was right.
They killed Larry, thinking it was you.
Can't have been easy to believe me.
I I don't know how to thank you.
Well, thanks to you, we have two less Elvises disrespecting the "Blue Suede Shoes.
" Never trust a man in white leather pants.
MRS.
CANTER: Jonah.
Daddy! Hi.
Your dad saved the day.
I know.
He's a superhero.
(QUIETLY): Thank you.
When people keep repeating You'll never fall in love Think he's gonna be all right? It'll be a long road, but he's got support.
Speaking of I heard you had an exciting day with Molly.
Well, I gave her my list.
So that's it? You're done? Oh, no.
We're gonna go out tonight.
Good.
I think you two are perfect for each other.
No, we're terrible for each other.
That's why it's perfect.
- To your heart - MOLLY: So - where to, tour guide? - I thought we'd go to the L.
A.
Tar Pits.
You know, since I love tar and animals being stuck in it.
(LAUGHS) Yeah, actually, I think I've done enough sightseeing for one day.
Yeah? Why don't you show me Martin Riggs' L.
A.
You must do something around here for fun.
(SIGHS): Well sometimes I get drunk.
- (LAUGHS) - Sometimes I drink milkshakes.
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, very very special days, (WHISPERS): I do both.
(GASPS): Oh.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know a good place? To your heart (MOLLY LAUGHING) Shh! You're being too loud! You're you're shouting right now.
- (BLENDER WHIRRING) - You're shouting.
Shh.
Do you think he heard us? I don't know.
- (WHISPERS): Okay.
- Waah! MOLLY (GIGGLES): Ouch! Riggs.
(MUFFLED SHRIEK) What the hell you doin' here? Um, I could ask you the same thing, Rog.
(MOLLY EXHALES, RIGGS CLEARS THROAT) Would you like a milkshake? She's got the badge (GIGGLING): He's (WHISPERS): he's lactose-intolerant.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Yeah, I'm lactose-intolerant.
And I'm intolerant of this, too.
I expect this from you.
But you.
Mm, mm.
(SPUTTERS) (LAUGHING) You know what? Don't have sex in my kitchen.
Wh-What? I have a black light.
- Yuch.
- How dare you! It's not that gross.
Uh, maybe.
(GASPS) Oh - What? - I've got another one.
- Mm? - Ruining Murtaugh's sleep.
Ooh, put it on the list.
It's in my pocket.
In weird spots.
I'm not finding it.
Wise men say Only fools Rush In But I Can't Help Falling in love With you