Life, Larry and the Pursuit of Unhappiness: an Almost History of America (2026) s01e07 Episode Script
Lawrence
1
("THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER" PLAYING) ♪
(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) -
SAMUEL L. JACKSON: On August 14th, 1945,
Japan surrendered to the Allies
- and World War II was finally over.
- (CHEERING)
JACKSON: Americans took to the streets to celebrate,
and that spirit was captured
in the iconic photo taken by Alfred Eisenstaedt
for LIFE magazine.
(CAMERA FLASH BULB CLICKS) - JACKSON:
A uniformed sailor passionately kissing a nurse
in the middle of a crowded Times Square
became a symbol of American pride and triumph.
- But photos don't tell the full story.
- (MUSIC FADES) ♪
(LIVELY SWING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (CROWD CHEERING)
- (CAR HORN HONKING)
CROWD: (CHANTING) The war is over!
The war is over!
- CROWD MEMBER 1: War is over!
- CROWD MEMBER 2: We won!
CROWD MEMBER 2: We did it! That's right!
- (LAUGHTER, CHEERING)
- CROWD MEMBER 4: We really did it!
CROWD: (CHANTING) Victory! Victory!
- CROWD MEMBER 5: We won!
- CROWD: (CHANTING) Victory!
- (GRUNTS) Get your mitts off me, buster!
- (MUSIC FADES) ♪
No, the war's over. The war's over.
- So?
- LARRY DAVID: Yes! You hear?
- The war's over.
- Get off of me!
We're celebrating! We're celebrating!
What are you, some kind of sicko?
- No, everybody's kissing!
- No, they're not! Only you!
No, not just me. I saw people
Pervo! Pervo fucko!
- No pervo fucko! I'm no pervo fucko!
- AGNES: Yes, pervo!
- I'm someone's girl.
- Uh, all right, okay.
- Hey, Johnny. Johnny!
- LARRY: Huh? What? Johnny?
- No, no, no, no Johnny. No Johnny! No
- AGNES: Yes! Yes, Johnny!
- Johnny! Get over here!
- What the fuck?
- Johnny!
- Johnny?
- Is this creep bothering you, Agnes?
- Yes.
No, no, no, Johnny. No, Johnny.
- This pervo tried to kiss me.
- LARRY: No, no
You tried to kiss her?
- AGNES: Yeah, he did.
- Everybody's kissing, Johnny.
- No, no, no. Excuse me?
- No, Johnny! Johnny!
- Oh!
- LARRY: Oh!
- Oh, oh. (GASPS)
- (CROWD GASPING)
- Did you just take a swing at me?
- No, no, no, no, no. No swing.
- No swing, Johnny.
- He's attacking a sailor.
- No, no, no, no, no!
- (CROWD GASPING)
- Hey! You messing with Johnny?
- Ah!
- On VJ Day?
- No, I'm not messing with Johnny.
What, I'm gonna mess with Johnny?
- He must be a Nazi!
- Oh, no. No, no Nazi.
- Pervo Nazi.
- LARRY: A Nazi? No, no!
- (SWING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Everyone! Johnny. Johnny. Hey, hey! Hey!
- Oh! No, no, no! (SCREAMS)
- (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
(CROWD CLAMORING) -No, no, no,
no, no! (MUMBLES) No, no, no, no, no!
(LIVELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (MARCH MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- JACKSON: In 1841,
William Henry Harrison became the ninth president
of the United States.
Despite cold and inclement weather,
the 68-year-old president delivered
- the longest inaugural address in U.S. history
- (CLOCK TICKING)
Nearly two hours, without a coat.
- Harrison soon fell ill
- (COUGHING)
Big surprise,
- and the doctor's remedies
- (SNAKE HISSING)
Snake venom, laxatives, leeches,
mercury, and opium only made the president worse.
Seems everybody had an opinion on how to make him better.
But, sadly, the least informed among them
- was the one listened to.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Ah! Hello there, Mrs. Harrison.
Hello, Lawrence. Good to see you.
- (MUSIC FADES) ♪
- Good to see you.
Sir, Mr. President, congratulations.
Thank you, Lawrence. I appreciate that.
- Got some new pipe tobacco.
- MARTHA HARRISON: Mm.
What do you think? How's the smell?
- Honestly, not my cup of tea.
- I don't smell anything at all.
It has a hint of cherry. You getting it?
No (CLEARS THROAT) No, I'm not getting cherry.
- Nothing?
- I am mostly just getting smoke.
- Anyway, let me ask you a question, Mr. President.
- Certainly.
- How many Indians did you kill?
- Personally?
How did you kill? You stab or shoot?
- Well, there were some that I think I shot.
- Mm-hmm.
- There were some who fell under my sword blade.
- LAWRENCE: Mm.
And there were some that I might
have bored with my speeches.
- (LAUGHS)
- Ah. (LAUGHS)
You two, I see why you get along so well.
- Yes, yes.
- Very funny. Very funny.
You know, with all due respect (CHUCKLES)
Looks like a
Looks like an Indian could knock you over with a feather.
- Uh
- You don't look like the strongest guy in the world.
With all due respect,
it seems there's some more respect due.
Well, the truth of the matter is,
though I'm not particularly fleet of foot,
I think I could hold my own in the sense
that I'm not easily tipped over.
Hence, Tippecanoe.
- It's the canoe that tips over, not the president.
- LAWRENCE: Yeah.
- (LAUGHS)
- I noticed you don't have a coat.
It's very chilly out. Aren't you cold?
It's a lovely day.
I didn't feel the need of a coat.
Really? You're the president now.
Anybody could hold it.
Mrs. Harrison could hold the coat.
Oh, no. Mrs. Harrison will not hold the coat.
- LAWRENCE: Oh, oh.
- I see you haven't had too much experience with the First Lady.
- Not sure I want to.
- Mm.
Someone could hold the coat is my point.
'Cause now it's getting very chilly.
'Cause, you know, we don't want our president going,
"Ooh, ooh, it's cold, it's cold."
No, I'm telling the truth. I feel quite well.
Anyway, I feel like I shouldn't take up
too much more of your time.
He's the president now. It's like talking to a doctor.
- You gotta talk and move on.
- No, no.
- You gotta move on, right? (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS)
Yeah. Anyway, congratulations,
and I can't wait to get started working.
Thank you so much. Pleasure to see you.
(COUGHING)
Sir? Are you okay?
I'm absolutely fine.
Are you sure? What's this cough?
It's the time of year when sometimes
- I have a touch of hay fever, that's all.
- In March?
- Of course.
- You shook my hand.
Well, you did stick your hand out at me.
You shouldn't have taken the hand.
Well, I didn't want to be rude. Oh! (COUGHS)
(HESITATES) Well, you know, to me, look
- (COUGHING)
- it's rude to stick your hand out
when you have a cold or something, or you're sick.
You're part of my inner circle.
When you put your hand out, I had to answer
by putting my own hand out and shaking yours.
It's necessary. Absolutely necessary.
- Don't you understa (COUGHS)
- Okay.
- (COUGHS) Oh, dear.
- Got it.
- (COUGHING)
- (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Oh, sweetheart.
- ATTENDEE 1: Is everything okay?
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- ATTENDEE 2: Mr. President?
I I am feeling, uh, somewhat, uh
- Somewhat weak.
- ATTENDEE 3: Someone call for a doctor.
- (COUGHING)
- (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SIGHS)
- More hot towels, please, nurse.
- Mm-hmm.
Doctor, how is he?
The president's fever shows no sign of abating.
Are you doing everything you can?
Of course. Bloodletting, opium,
and we're gonna start with the leeches.
- Do you have enough leeches?
- Yes.
- We're very optimistic about the leeches.
- (MUSIC FADES) ♪
Thank you, Doctor.
(INDISTINCT MURMURING)
(QUIETLY) Hey. Hey. How you doing?
- Darling.
- Martha.
- LAWRENCE: Hey, Doctor.
- DOCTOR HARRINGTON: Yes?
- How's he doing?
- The president is not well.
(SIGHS) Sheesh. You know, I was at the inauguration.
- Yeah.
- He wasn't wearing a coat.
- And it was so cold.
- It's crazy.
Ten different people can be holding it.
His wife could've held it.
Well, she told me flat out she won't hold it.
She's too big to hold a coat.
Any number of people would have brought a coat for him.
Always bring a coat. Better to have it than not.
- What's the downside?
- There's no downside.
You know what I think? It was very egotistical
on his part to not wear that coat.
He was showing off. I shook his hand.
I'm concerned I might have the same thing he has.
I got a tickle in my throat.
Well, you could go talk to your doctor about that.
I'm standing right next to a doctor.
But I'm tending to the president
of the United States right now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I get the tend you're tending.
- Yes, I am tending.
- As you should tend.
I don't wanna interrupt a tend.
- HARRINGTON: Thank
- A quick little peek.
I'm not gonna look in your mouth.
- I'll just go, "Ah." What?
- HARRINGTON: I'm not peeking.
I have one patient on my mind at a time,
and it's the leader of this country.
Well, it's not a direct tend at this moment.
He's in the bed, and you're standing here.
I'm preparing the leeches. I'm listening to him breathe.
I'm monitoring the effects of the opium. I'm tending.
Give me a half a tend.
There's no such thing as a half a tend.
You've clearly never tended for anyone.
My cousin was sick once,
and I did bring him some muffins.
- I'm not gonna look.
- (GRUNTS)
I'm not looking. I'm looking you in the eye.
Well, if you're looking in the eye,
just go down three inches and you'll see the mouth.
That's a different type of look.
- Take a look. Ah.
- HARRINGTON: No.
(VOCALIZING) Aah-ah! Ah! Ah-aah! Ah! Ah! Aah!
The answer's no. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a president to tend to.
Okay, I get you're tending. What's he doing?
- He's also tending.
- I'm tending as well.
You need simultaneous tending?
Yes. We're the two attending doctors.
Let me ask you a question.
Were you secretly happy when you heard he was sick?
- No. I went to church and wept.
- LAWRENCE: (SCOFFS) Please.
If I wound up like the president in just a matter of days,
how would you feel about it?
- Would you be the president?
- No.
This whole city's full of sick people.
- It's a swamp. It's disgusting.
- (COUGHS)
If I came to your office for a visit,
how much would you charge me?
My office is here in the White House,
so that's impossible.
Well, why can't I see you in the White House?
I'm by appointment only, and I only take appointments
with the president of the United States.
So, pretty much you do nothing all day, then?
If I'm doing nothing, that means I've done my job.
- You're like a bum living in the White House.
- I'm not a bum.
- We are anticipating problems and preventing threats
- Really?
- To his health before they happen.
- Yeah. Then why didn't you
bring him a coat?
- Lawrence, please!
- (HARRISON COUGHS)
- (SMACKS LIPS)
- (WHEEZES)
- Hey, Doc, thanks for your help.
- (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- This doesn't bother me.
- Oh, yeah?
- No, doesn't bother me at all.
- Okay. Okay.
(COUGHING)
MARTHA: Oh, sweetheart.
(INDISTINCT MURMURING)
(NURSES WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)
Excuse me. Sorry to bother you.
I was at the inauguration yesterday,
and I shook his hand.
And, you know, you see how sick he is.
I'm wondering, how fast do I have to get to soap and water?
You have about ten seconds.
- Ten seconds?
- NURSE: Mm-hmm.
- That's it?
- Yep.
That's insane. It's like the only time
you could shake someone's hand is in the bathroom.
It's like you gotta walk around
with a bucket of water and soap
all day not to get sick.
No, no, no. No food at this time, please.
- LAWRENCE: What? Why?
- You feed a cold,
- but you starve a fever.
- No, I beg to differ.
You starve a cold and feed a fever.
No, you have it backwards. Are you a doctor?
No, but my mother always used to say,
"Starve a cold, feed a fever."
In fact, when I had scarlet fever,
my mother fed me continuously.
I gained 15 pounds, but I got better in a week.
- Well, was your mother a doctor?
- No, she bred schnauzers.
- But she was very worldly.
- Is she still with us?
No, she died of scarlet fever
because there was nothing left to eat.
"Starve a fever, feed a cold,
then you surely will grow old."
No, "Starve a cold, feed a fever,
live to 100, I guarantee ya."
You might be right. I think he's correct.
- No.
- It's feed the fever.
In nursing school, we fed both.
- Well, that's wrong, too.
- Feed the cold, starve the
No, save your strength. Save your strength.
Anyway, when you starve, you die. Feed the fever.
Oh, for the love of God, yes,
- feed him. Feed him.
- Please feed the fever.
Is there any of that chocolate cake left?
Feed the man.
Well, I wasn't saying he can never eat anything again.
Yeah, make him a plate.
Okay. Are you ready? Some mashed potatoes.
Oh, good!
I should have worn the coat.
- (SOFT EMOTIONAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Next time.
Next time.
(MUSIC RISES) ♪
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
- He's dead.
- (SOBBING) Oh, sweetheart! No!
- No!
- What is all this?
Why is there food everywhere?
The president, uh, had a bite to eat.
Don't you know the first rule of medicine?
"Feed a cold, starve a fever!"
- (WHISPERS) I told you.
- (WHISPERS) I told you.
Not "throw a party!"
The president's bowels were exploding, and you fed him?
Well, we don't People get it mixed up and
This is an outrage! Who in God's name
is responsible for this?
LAWRENCE: Come and get it!
Steak from Lundy's, Mr. President!
(LIVELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(BROODING MUSIC PLAYING) -
JACKSON: In late 1846, a group of pioneers
on the way to California led by George Donner
got trapped high in the mountains
by an early heavy snowfall.
Rescuers attempted to reach them,
but the first relief party did not arrive
until almost four months
after the wagon train became trapped.
With food running out, the group resorted
to drastic measures to survive.
And by "drastic," I mean
cannibalism.
- And by "cannibalism," I mean they ate each other.
- (KNIFE SCRAPES)
JACKSON: It was a terrible tragedy
for those who perished,
and for those who survived
a little tough to explain.
(MUSIC RISES) ♪
(RESCUER 1 GRUNTING)
- Dear God!
- (MUSIC FADES) ♪
- RESCUER 1: Donner party!
- RESCUER 2: They're here!
RESCUER 1: Donner party! (PANTS)
- GEORGE DONNER: Oh!
- RESCUER 1: We found you!
- Here they are!
- Oh!
- Hi!
- JACOB DONNER: Oh, hey!
- Hey.
- The snow finally melted
in the pass,
so we were able to reach you. Thank God you're alive!
- RESCUER 3: Oh, we're glad to have found you.
- Oh!
- RESCUER 2: Oh, thank God.
- Yeah, look!
- Hey.
- Look at this.
- Hey, everyone.
- Oh, that's so thoughtful of you!
- Isn't that great?
- JACOB: Rescue!
- The party.
- GEORGE: It's a rescue party.
I would love to be part of a rescue party one day
and have people kind of obligated to me
for the rest of my life 'cause I rescued them.
- The thorn out of the lion.
- (RESCUER 1 CHUCKLES)
- Don't expect that from me.
- (LAUGHS)
You look well, sir.
- Yeah, yeah. Well, we're, uh
- ELIZA DONNER: We're good. Yeah.
We're We're good. We're alive.
- Yes!
- GEORGE: Huh?
- We're doing all right, all things considered.
- GEORGE: Right?
- All things considered, yeah.
- Yeah.
- We're surviving here, yep.
- Yeah.
You look as hale as the day
- you left Salt Lake City.
- You know
- That's very nice. Thank you!
- You look great.
- That's a very nice compliment. Yes.
- ELIZA: Thank you so much.
- That's sweet.
- And And where is everyone?
- (SCOFFS)
- Now
- Well
- Who do you mean exactly?
- I mean
- Good question.
- ELIZA: It's interesting.
- It's not a bad question.
- It's a good question.
- It's a good question.
- It's a good qu "Where is everyone?"
- Everybody?
- Yes. That's the question.
- That's the question.
- We have an answer.
- We do.
- (HESITATES) We got a Yeah.
- Well, it's simple. It's simple.
- It's Th They're not here.
- No.
- That's right. They're not here.
- GEORGE: They're not here.
- They've gone. We're here.
- I see that.
- GEORGE: Yeah. We're here, they're not.
- They're not.
Because they are where?
- RESCUER 3: Yeah. (SIGHS)
- ELIZA: Um
Well, the
- Truth be told.
- Yeah, truth be told, they left.
- They took off.
- In the dead of winter?
- (RESCUERS MURMURING)
- That pass is choked of snow.
- RESCUER 2: Who would do that?
- I begged them not to go.
- But they just left us here to fend for ourselves.
- (RESCUERS MURMURING)
And you never turned against each other?
- No! And And
- No. United.
And And no one died.
JACOB: No, no, no, no. No one died.
- GEORGE: No. They didn't perish here. No.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- God, no. No one even got sick in this camp.
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- JACOB: No one died.
- No one died.
- No one died over there and, um
- GEORGE: Nope, nope.
- No one died over there.
- Oh, no. No one died there.
No one died there, and thank God!
And if you don't mind my asking,
how did you survive with no provisions?
- RESCUER 3: Yeah. Mm.
- (RESCUERS MURMURING)
- I mean, this guy
- (DONNERS LAUGHING)
- Just when you think it's it's done
- Oh, man. He's so crazy.
- Wait a minute.
- There's another question.
Is that a better question than the first question?
He beat the first question!
It feels like such an obvious question.
It doesn't make it less tremendous.
- Okay.
- And now, knowing what an unbelievable question
- that was, let that be the last.
- Right.
But what is the answer to the question?
- How did you survive?
- Okay, okay. That's
That's the best question.
- But that's the last one because it's so good.
- Yeah.
- And it's easy.
- For me,
it's too painful to get into details.
This This guy, he had four days in the tent
- and wouldn't come out.
- RESCUER 2: Oh, that's awful.
- GEORGE: Jacob, what
- It was really hard. No, it was hard. It was hard.
- He's okay.
- (JACOB SIGHS)
So how else did you survive?
- I'm going back in the tent.
- No, no!
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- I have to. I have to!
- No, no!
- I don't belong out (GASPS)
- (RESCUERS GASPING)
- (PANTS) Okay.
- GEORGE: Pull yourself together!
- I'm sorry to agitate you.
You gotta stop with the questions!
- It's all a lot.
- I'm sure you're all emotional.
- Yes.
- Yes. I still can't get over
how well you all look.
- GEORGE: (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
- That's really kind of you.
Yes, thank you again.
- You're very nice with the compliments. Yeah.
- ELIZA: Yeah.
- (SNIFFS) What is that I smell?
- Stew's ready.
- GEORGE: Ah!
- JACOB: No, maybe it's not.
- (RESCUERS GASPING, MURMURING)
- No, no, no, no, no.
- (WHISPERS) No pot. Lose the pot.
- What?
- Benjamin Donner!
- RESCUER 3: It's Donner, there he is.
- What's going on?
- A rescue, uh, rescue party.
- Oh, hey!
- Yeah!
- BENJAMIN DONNER: Yeah!
- Benjamin Donner, you look well, sir.
- Yeah, I I am.
- Huh?
You look very well, very, very well.
- Yeah, I got, uh You know, the fresh air
- Yeah.
Can make anybody And you know what I love?
- Lumber-jacking. Love the lumber-jacking.
- Oh! (CHUCKLES)
What a lumberjack this guy is!
- Tremendous exercise.
- That's it, just lumber-jacking?
And, uh, excessive masturbation.
- Oh, excessive!
- Excessive.
- ELIZA: Yeah.
- BENJAMIN: Too much.
He puts a string on the tent. We know. We know.
- Yeah, that's the signal.
- Lumberjack's tired.
- Lumberjack's "sleeping it off."
- (CHUCKLES)
- What's in the pot?
- Um
- What's in the pot?
- What's in the pot?
- Oh, the pot! The pot!
- This guy!
No, this is another unbelievable question.
- GEORGE: Another great question.
- ELIZA: That's iconic.
- How do you do it?
- How does he do it?
And what was the question?
ALL: "What's in the pot?"
Bear!
So, you all have survived the entire winter
on one bear.
Well, but that bear had eaten a pig,
so it was really like two meals.
- Uh-huh.
- And ice fishing.
- Yes! Thank God for that.
- GEORGE: Ice fishing, yeah.
- Where's the poles?
- No. No poles.
RESCUER 2: How does that work?
Get 'em with the hand. I don't need poles.
- Your hand?
- GEORGE: Yeah. I smash through the ice.
I dangle the worm. I stick it under. I wiggle it.
Fish comes. I snatch it.
- The ground's frozen. Where do you get the worms?
- (RESCUERS MURMURING)
- JACOB: Well
- Hey, I'm a lumberjack.
I cut down trees.
These worms are all through these trees.
- Tree worms!
- Tree worms?
Let me tell you something. Those fish
- They love these tree worms.
- Oh!
- They can't get enough of 'em.
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- It's a delicacy for 'em.
- So, you got worms from a tree,
and you hand ice-fished with tree worms?
(RESCUERS MURMURING)
That's a great summary.
That's the Stantons' wagon. Are they here?
- RESCUER 3: Mm.
- RESCUER 4: Yeah, where are they?
- Oh!
- Oh, the Stantons.
- The Stantons.
- It's a story.
- Stantons.
- The Stantons.
It's the The ones we were
never supposed to mention again.
- The Stantons.
- This is something.
BENJAMIN: It's something you don't wanna hear.
Eliza, why don't you go ahead and tell the story?
Yeah. You know what, Benjamin?
You have it. I know you got it right there.
I used to. I forgot it.
But remember, I told you the story with all the details.
I think the person who witnessed it
is the one to tell it.
- George
- (CLICKS TONGUE)
Why don't you share what you saw that day?
BENJAMIN: This is hard, I know.
Take your time.
Well
a big bird swooped down
- and grabbed little Isaiah, seven-year-old
- Uh-huh.
And started to fly away.
- And then Melanie saw it.
- BENJAMIN: Ah!
She latched on to Isaiah,
- and poor Charlie
- Charlie.
Charlie grabbed Melanie,
and then Isaiah
the ten-year-old, grabbed Melanie,
- and the bird flew off.
- Wait, wait. (HESITATES) Wait.
There's two Isaiahs?
- Yeah, two Isaiahs.
- JACOB: The important thing
is that both Isaiahs disappeared that day
- GEORGE: Right.
- With the bird.
You wouldn't even call it a bird. It was a
like a prehistoric animal.
- It was a dinosaur, I'm pretty sure.
- RESCUERS: Oh!
Did you happen to see a giant bird
with a family of four up in the sky?
I want to know what happened to the Stantons,
the Tylers, and the Eddies!
What the hell is going on here?
- RESCUER 3: Yeah.
- We told you what's going on.
Why? Wh What are you saying?
Do you think we ate them?
I didn't say anything about eating people.
- RESCUER 3: Yeah.
- RESCUER 2: Mm.
- Oh. Yeah, no. Of course not. Yeah.
- Yeah. Why would you think that?
- Nobody would be eaten.
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
Who would be eaten? That'd be horrible. No way!
Come on, we're not we're not cannibals.
- No! God, no!
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- That's disgusting!
- We wouldn't eat people. We wouldn't eat peop
Of course, I mean,
if I happen to stumble upon a cannibal party
in the in the woods
and they offered me a a delicious piece of a pinky,
you know, I might take a bite just to be courteous.
- Courteous.
- I'll try one.
And at that same party, if they offered me
a medium rare slice of a buttock,
- okay, I'll take a bite
- Right.
Just to be respectful.
- JACOB: Just manners.
- GEORGE: Yeah.
- Do you even wanna be rescued?
- RESCUER 3: Do ya?
- Oh. Oh.
- RESCUER 2: Come on now.
- GEORGE: Again!
- Did he?
- Another one!
- JACOB: You s
- Another one!
- JACOB: You came at me
with two unbelievable questions.
- We said that was it.
- Now, the best of all!
- "How would you like to be rescued?"
- Yeah. Oh, no. No.
- JACOB: Just kinda threw it away too
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Like no big deal, right?
GEORGE: All right, we'll we'll take the rescue.
- JACOB: How about yes?
- Give us a moment
- to, uh
- Couple minutes at least.
- Couple minutes, yeah.
- We'll help you with your things.
DONNERS: No, no, no, no, no, no.
- ELIZA: Yeah, we got it.
- Okay. Okay.
- GEORGE: Let's get out of here.
- BENJAMIN: Let's get packed up.
GEORGE: Get those meals ready.
(SOLEMN WESTERN MUSIC
PLAYING) - RESCUER 1: Oh, dear God!
- (RESCUERS GASPING, EXCLAIMING)
- RESCUER 3: Oh my God!
Just pinkies!
(LIVELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JACKSON: On August 28th, 2014,
President Obama's administration was rocked by a scandal
- the likes of which the office had never seen.
- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JACKSON: And what was this grave lapse in judgment?
President Obama addressed reporters
- in a tan suit.
- (BRIGHT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JACKSON: That's right, tan!
Not navy, not gray, not black,
not even herringbone, but tan.
- (INDISTINCT CLAMORING)
- JACKSON: A media frenzy ensued,
with some claiming Obama
had trampled over some sort of presidential boundary
with his fashion choice.
But the president came out addressing reporters on Thursday
and he was wearing this tan suit.
CHRIS JANSING: Time magazine equated it
to seeing "a performer out of costume."
GQ called it "terrible,".
Esquire, "a monstrosity."
And he looked like he was on
his way to a party at the Hamptons.
JACKSON: In the days that followed,
President Obama took the blame for this debacle,
and he refused to throw anybody under the bus.
But now, he's finally throwing someone under the bus.
(CHUCKLES) And by this point,
you might know who.
- (MUSIC FADES) ♪
- BRIAN MOSTELLER: Mr. President,
we're trying to get your selection for the NATO summit.
Yep, I think this looks, uh This looks just fine.
LARRY: What's this? This the layout,
- uh, for NATO at Turin?
- Yeah.
This is what we're gonna wear in Turin.
- LARRY: This is it?
- This is it.
Can I make a suggestion?
- Speak your mind.
- Bring some extra ties.
- Why do we need extra ties?
- (MUTTERS)
'Cause they tend to stain.
I don't stain my ties.
You know why my ties are immaculate?
- No. Why?
- I never eat soup
or pasta when I'm wearing a tie.
You have to make a choice. You get soup or tie, not both.
- Is that so?
- BARACK OBAMA: Yeah.
'Cause I noticed you eat soup.
That's why your ties are all messed up.
- Think about it.
- Interesting.
- Uh, what about the flip up?
- OBAMA: Flip up doesn't work.
You know why? What flips up, flops down.
Might make it worse.
You might end up with your tie in the soup.
Ruins both the tie and the soup.
I get it. Quite an expert on this.
- Yeah.
- Here's the schedule for Turin.
All right. What do we got here?
- Let's see.
- What's this?
- It's a drink.
- What kind of drink?
It's a protein smoothie.
- Oh, really? What's it called?
- Yeah.
I'm not sure. I'm not sure what it's called.
- LARRY: You're not sure?
- Yeah.
Does it have a name?
- Mango Tango.
- Mango Tango?
You're drinking a Mango Tango.
- That's nice.
- Yeah, you don't have to
- You don't have to yell.
- Can I have a little, uh,
a little a little taste?
(CHUCKLES) No, man, you can't have a sip of my drink.
- What's the big deal?
- I mean, it's not a big deal.
It's just not something I'd prefer.
You're using the straw.
I would just be sipping from the glass.
- Well, that'd be worse.
- How's it worse?
You're putting your mouth on the surface of the glass.
Your saliva would get in the drink.
- So you're a no-sips guy?
- No, no, I give sips.
Michelle can always have a sip.
If Malia and Sasha were here,
I would gladly give them a sip.
- Uh-huh.
- But not you.
- What about Panetta?
- No, not Panetta.
- Biden?
- OBAMA: No.
I think you have to have boundaries.
- So, no non-family sips?
- Nope.
Also, you, Biden, Panetta
- old lips.
- Old lips?
Yeah. It's not appetizing.
By the way, Old Lips, I'd love that as a nickname.
Okay, Old Lips, let's get back to the schedule.
- Okay, let's do it.
- Yeah. This looks pretty good.
- Good.
- OBAMA: I do wish
we had more time in the Alps.
A lot of stuff we could be doing.
People can go skiing,
- take some hikes.
- Mm. Really? You ski?
Why would you assume I don't ski?
Do you ski?
- Yeah.
- All right, so you think you can ski
and I might not be able to ski?
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) I mean, well, mm no.
What would lead you to assume that I don't ski?
Uh
- Larry, is is it because
- No, no, no, no.
- OBAMA: Is it because?
- No!
No sirree, Bob!
- Is it because I'm from Hawaii?
- (SCOFFS)
(CHUCKLES) Obviously, yes.
- Hawaiians ski, too, Larry.
- Hawaiians ski?
- Yeah.
- Ah! Who knew?
- I knew.
- Oh.
Wondering if you could do me a little favor
when you're over in Turin.
- At the NATO summit, you want me to do you a favor?
- LARRY: Yeah.
Tiny little thing. It's nothing.
- What is it?
- Tell the Danish prime minister
that I said hello. That's all.
In the middle of the NATO summit
- Yeah.
- When we're discussing
critical national security issues,
you want me to say to her, "Hey, you know what?"
- "Larry said hi."
- That's all you gotta do.
What do you think's gonna happen?
Just wondering what her reaction might be.
You know what I think her reaction would be?
- Hmm.
- I think she'd say, "Larry, who?"
(LAUGHS) I I don't think so.
- You didn't observe our conversation
- What
two years ago when we were there.
You think it was as memorable to her as it was to you?
I made her laugh.
- (MIMICS DANISH PRIME MINISTER) "Ooh, you're so funny."
- That's how she said it?
- LARRY: (NORMALLY) That's how she said it, yeah.
- She said, "Ooh"?
(MIMICS DANISH PRIME MINISTER)
"Ooh, you're so funny. You're funny."
- Larry
- LARRY: (NORMALLY) Yeah.
I am not gonna do that.
- Are Are you insane?
- Why?
She's the Danish prime minister.
She doesn't know who you are.
- I made a big impression on her. She knows who I am.
- Not to mention
the whole "tell somebody I said hi" thing.
Nothing happens out of that.
Let's play this out. I'm in the NATO summit.
You want me to go up to the Danish prime minister
in the middle of this thing and say,
"Old Lips Larry says hi." Then I come back.
I have to then tell you, "Helle says hi."
Now what? Nothing happens.
Now, I bore in on the attitude.
- You bore in?
- Yeah.
- What does that mean?
- That means, how did she react?
- Yeah, but Yeah.
- Did she go, "Ooh! Ooh, Larry said hi"?
- Larry, that's
- "You tell Larry
I said hi, too."
Larry, that's not a discussion I want to have, all right?
- Let's just get back to work.
- Sure.
- All right.
- What's that about?
It's classified.
- I'm not gonna tell you.
- LARRY: Why?
I'm tremendous at keeping secrets.
You know, my cousin Arthur was a bigamist.
He had a wife in New Hampshire
- Uh-huh.
- One in Queens.
He'd go back and forth every other weekend.
He didn't tell anybody.
I'm the only person he told, and I never told a soul.
- You told me.
- He's dead.
- Yeah. Okay.
- LARRY: Yeah.
And I've confided a lot of sensitive stuff with you.
I told you about the time
I pooped in my pants when I was 12 years old
- on the bus going to the Botanical Gardens
- Yeah. Larry, Larry, at the
- Yeah?
- When you started telling me this,
didn't want to hear it then, don't want to hear it now.
You can imagine how it traumatized me.
I don't really want to imagine it.
LARRY: Twelve-year-old boy, there were girls on the bus,
and they called me "Diaper David" for years.
That's confidential information.
There's a reason why you didn't get classified clearance.
Your behavior confirms that was a wise decision.
- Is it Russia? China?
- Uh, Larry, it's
- Nope.
- Taiwan. Oh my God. Taiwan?
- Excuse me, Mr. President.
- OBAMA: Yeah?
We have the press conference on ISIS in ten minutes.
Okay. Got it. All right.
I've gotta check on a couple things.
- I'll be right back.
- Sure. Yeah.
Take your time.
(GASPS)
(SLURPS)
- (TELEPHONE RINGING)
- Mm! (YELPS)
- (QUIRKY UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (GASPS)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (TELEPHONE CONTINUES RINGING)
(GASPS, GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
Ah, da, da! (GROANS)
(MUSIC STOPS) ♪
- All right, think I'm ready to go.
- (LARRY SIGHS)
(QUIRKY MUSIC STING) ♪
Hey! You know what?
- What?
- I got an idea that just might interest you.
- All right, what's your idea?
- I think
- Yeah.
- You should wear the tan suit
to the press conference.
- For this press conference?
- Yes.
- Why?
- Well, first of all, it's
it's a gorgeous suit.
And that's why I'm taking it to Turin.
There's a daytime event.
It's outdoors. A little more casual.
And this is Casual Friday.
Hey, Brian, the boss wants to try on the tan suit!
- I do love this suit. Mm.
- It's perfect.
You're casual. And it's in the briefing room.
- It's not in the East Room.
- (SIGHS) Where's your tie?
Having lunch and, uh,
gonna gonna get some soup.
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
- I'm gonna get some soup.
- You're taking my advice?
- Yeah.
- Smart. Yeah. One last tip, though.
- LARRY: Huh?
A little bit of a rookie mistake.
When you take the tie off, you gotta pop the top.
- Oh, pop the top, yeah.
- OBAMA: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It'll look cooler.
- Yeah.
- Ah, thank you.
Oh. Oh. (CHUCKLES)
- It is a great suit.
- Oh, boy, oh, boy.
I think this is the move.
I'm gonna try it out, see how it looks.
Old Lips won't let you down.
(LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
You'll thank me.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- (SIGHS)
- What do you think?
- Pretty good.
- (MUSIC FADES) ♪
- Pretty, pretty,
pretty, pretty good.
All right, let's go. I got a press conference to do.
You sure about this?
Never been more sure about anything in my life.
Okay. I'll be back.
People are gonna be talking about this
for a long, long time.
(GENTLE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Thank you for joining us on this remarkable journey.
And some of it was even true.
American progress has never been smooth or steady.
It zigs and zags in fits and starts.
For every two steps forward,
it can feel like we take one step back.
And sometimes, when we've taken one of those steps back,
it can be tempting to get discouraged,
or to give in to cynicism.
But the story of this country should inspire us
to take the harder path,
to stay true to our ideals,
and to do whatever we can to make a difference,
whether it's in our schools, our workplaces,
our neighborhoods, or our cities.
If we do, then I'm confident that the next 250 years
of our American experiment will be better than the last.
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
- OBAMA: Larry?
- Oh.
What you doing?
Oh, n n nothing. Yeah. I, uh
- lost a lost a button. Yeah.
- Ah, you did lose a button.
LARRY: Yeah. What are you gonna do?
OBAMA: Looks like the same button.
- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
- Yeah.
George Washington, we have the same button.
- Yeah.
- What a coincidence, huh?
- What a coincidence.
- (LARRY SCOFFS)
All right. Well, that was fun, huh?
- Yeah, it was great.
- Yeah.
- Enjoyed it.
- (SCOFFS) Oh, you know what?
Oh. Forgot my script.
I'll I'll, uh I'll be right back.
Larry, don't do it.
- What?
- I know what you're doing.
- I'm not doing anything.
- You're thinking about taking
George Washington's button.
That's the father of our country. Come on.
- Okay. I (SCOFFS)
- Come on.
- Like I was really gonna take the button.
- Yeah.
- I'm not gonna take the button.
- You were gonna take the button.
- I wasn't gonna take it. Hey, let me ask you a question.
- Yeah. Go ahead.
Say, hypothetically, uh,
- someone did this television show, okay
- Mm-hmm.
And everybody hated it. I mean, detested it.
You can't even leave your house without getting insulted.
Would you Would you leave the country?
Mm. I would, if I were you.
- Ah. Mm.
- Mm.
- Well, I'll tell my friend.
- OBAMA: You do that.
LARRY: You know what, 44?
I think this could be the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.
OBAMA: I don't think so.
("THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER" PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
("THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER" PLAYING) ♪
(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) -
SAMUEL L. JACKSON: On August 14th, 1945,
Japan surrendered to the Allies
- and World War II was finally over.
- (CHEERING)
JACKSON: Americans took to the streets to celebrate,
and that spirit was captured
in the iconic photo taken by Alfred Eisenstaedt
for LIFE magazine.
(CAMERA FLASH BULB CLICKS) - JACKSON:
A uniformed sailor passionately kissing a nurse
in the middle of a crowded Times Square
became a symbol of American pride and triumph.
- But photos don't tell the full story.
- (MUSIC FADES) ♪
(LIVELY SWING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (CROWD CHEERING)
- (CAR HORN HONKING)
CROWD: (CHANTING) The war is over!
The war is over!
- CROWD MEMBER 1: War is over!
- CROWD MEMBER 2: We won!
CROWD MEMBER 2: We did it! That's right!
- (LAUGHTER, CHEERING)
- CROWD MEMBER 4: We really did it!
CROWD: (CHANTING) Victory! Victory!
- CROWD MEMBER 5: We won!
- CROWD: (CHANTING) Victory!
- (GRUNTS) Get your mitts off me, buster!
- (MUSIC FADES) ♪
No, the war's over. The war's over.
- So?
- LARRY DAVID: Yes! You hear?
- The war's over.
- Get off of me!
We're celebrating! We're celebrating!
What are you, some kind of sicko?
- No, everybody's kissing!
- No, they're not! Only you!
No, not just me. I saw people
Pervo! Pervo fucko!
- No pervo fucko! I'm no pervo fucko!
- AGNES: Yes, pervo!
- I'm someone's girl.
- Uh, all right, okay.
- Hey, Johnny. Johnny!
- LARRY: Huh? What? Johnny?
- No, no, no, no Johnny. No Johnny! No
- AGNES: Yes! Yes, Johnny!
- Johnny! Get over here!
- What the fuck?
- Johnny!
- Johnny?
- Is this creep bothering you, Agnes?
- Yes.
No, no, no, Johnny. No, Johnny.
- This pervo tried to kiss me.
- LARRY: No, no
You tried to kiss her?
- AGNES: Yeah, he did.
- Everybody's kissing, Johnny.
- No, no, no. Excuse me?
- No, Johnny! Johnny!
- Oh!
- LARRY: Oh!
- Oh, oh. (GASPS)
- (CROWD GASPING)
- Did you just take a swing at me?
- No, no, no, no, no. No swing.
- No swing, Johnny.
- He's attacking a sailor.
- No, no, no, no, no!
- (CROWD GASPING)
- Hey! You messing with Johnny?
- Ah!
- On VJ Day?
- No, I'm not messing with Johnny.
What, I'm gonna mess with Johnny?
- He must be a Nazi!
- Oh, no. No, no Nazi.
- Pervo Nazi.
- LARRY: A Nazi? No, no!
- (SWING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Everyone! Johnny. Johnny. Hey, hey! Hey!
- Oh! No, no, no! (SCREAMS)
- (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
(CROWD CLAMORING) -No, no, no,
no, no! (MUMBLES) No, no, no, no, no!
(LIVELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (MARCH MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- JACKSON: In 1841,
William Henry Harrison became the ninth president
of the United States.
Despite cold and inclement weather,
the 68-year-old president delivered
- the longest inaugural address in U.S. history
- (CLOCK TICKING)
Nearly two hours, without a coat.
- Harrison soon fell ill
- (COUGHING)
Big surprise,
- and the doctor's remedies
- (SNAKE HISSING)
Snake venom, laxatives, leeches,
mercury, and opium only made the president worse.
Seems everybody had an opinion on how to make him better.
But, sadly, the least informed among them
- was the one listened to.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Ah! Hello there, Mrs. Harrison.
Hello, Lawrence. Good to see you.
- (MUSIC FADES) ♪
- Good to see you.
Sir, Mr. President, congratulations.
Thank you, Lawrence. I appreciate that.
- Got some new pipe tobacco.
- MARTHA HARRISON: Mm.
What do you think? How's the smell?
- Honestly, not my cup of tea.
- I don't smell anything at all.
It has a hint of cherry. You getting it?
No (CLEARS THROAT) No, I'm not getting cherry.
- Nothing?
- I am mostly just getting smoke.
- Anyway, let me ask you a question, Mr. President.
- Certainly.
- How many Indians did you kill?
- Personally?
How did you kill? You stab or shoot?
- Well, there were some that I think I shot.
- Mm-hmm.
- There were some who fell under my sword blade.
- LAWRENCE: Mm.
And there were some that I might
have bored with my speeches.
- (LAUGHS)
- Ah. (LAUGHS)
You two, I see why you get along so well.
- Yes, yes.
- Very funny. Very funny.
You know, with all due respect (CHUCKLES)
Looks like a
Looks like an Indian could knock you over with a feather.
- Uh
- You don't look like the strongest guy in the world.
With all due respect,
it seems there's some more respect due.
Well, the truth of the matter is,
though I'm not particularly fleet of foot,
I think I could hold my own in the sense
that I'm not easily tipped over.
Hence, Tippecanoe.
- It's the canoe that tips over, not the president.
- LAWRENCE: Yeah.
- (LAUGHS)
- I noticed you don't have a coat.
It's very chilly out. Aren't you cold?
It's a lovely day.
I didn't feel the need of a coat.
Really? You're the president now.
Anybody could hold it.
Mrs. Harrison could hold the coat.
Oh, no. Mrs. Harrison will not hold the coat.
- LAWRENCE: Oh, oh.
- I see you haven't had too much experience with the First Lady.
- Not sure I want to.
- Mm.
Someone could hold the coat is my point.
'Cause now it's getting very chilly.
'Cause, you know, we don't want our president going,
"Ooh, ooh, it's cold, it's cold."
No, I'm telling the truth. I feel quite well.
Anyway, I feel like I shouldn't take up
too much more of your time.
He's the president now. It's like talking to a doctor.
- You gotta talk and move on.
- No, no.
- You gotta move on, right? (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS)
Yeah. Anyway, congratulations,
and I can't wait to get started working.
Thank you so much. Pleasure to see you.
(COUGHING)
Sir? Are you okay?
I'm absolutely fine.
Are you sure? What's this cough?
It's the time of year when sometimes
- I have a touch of hay fever, that's all.
- In March?
- Of course.
- You shook my hand.
Well, you did stick your hand out at me.
You shouldn't have taken the hand.
Well, I didn't want to be rude. Oh! (COUGHS)
(HESITATES) Well, you know, to me, look
- (COUGHING)
- it's rude to stick your hand out
when you have a cold or something, or you're sick.
You're part of my inner circle.
When you put your hand out, I had to answer
by putting my own hand out and shaking yours.
It's necessary. Absolutely necessary.
- Don't you understa (COUGHS)
- Okay.
- (COUGHS) Oh, dear.
- Got it.
- (COUGHING)
- (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Oh, sweetheart.
- ATTENDEE 1: Is everything okay?
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- ATTENDEE 2: Mr. President?
I I am feeling, uh, somewhat, uh
- Somewhat weak.
- ATTENDEE 3: Someone call for a doctor.
- (COUGHING)
- (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SIGHS)
- More hot towels, please, nurse.
- Mm-hmm.
Doctor, how is he?
The president's fever shows no sign of abating.
Are you doing everything you can?
Of course. Bloodletting, opium,
and we're gonna start with the leeches.
- Do you have enough leeches?
- Yes.
- We're very optimistic about the leeches.
- (MUSIC FADES) ♪
Thank you, Doctor.
(INDISTINCT MURMURING)
(QUIETLY) Hey. Hey. How you doing?
- Darling.
- Martha.
- LAWRENCE: Hey, Doctor.
- DOCTOR HARRINGTON: Yes?
- How's he doing?
- The president is not well.
(SIGHS) Sheesh. You know, I was at the inauguration.
- Yeah.
- He wasn't wearing a coat.
- And it was so cold.
- It's crazy.
Ten different people can be holding it.
His wife could've held it.
Well, she told me flat out she won't hold it.
She's too big to hold a coat.
Any number of people would have brought a coat for him.
Always bring a coat. Better to have it than not.
- What's the downside?
- There's no downside.
You know what I think? It was very egotistical
on his part to not wear that coat.
He was showing off. I shook his hand.
I'm concerned I might have the same thing he has.
I got a tickle in my throat.
Well, you could go talk to your doctor about that.
I'm standing right next to a doctor.
But I'm tending to the president
of the United States right now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I get the tend you're tending.
- Yes, I am tending.
- As you should tend.
I don't wanna interrupt a tend.
- HARRINGTON: Thank
- A quick little peek.
I'm not gonna look in your mouth.
- I'll just go, "Ah." What?
- HARRINGTON: I'm not peeking.
I have one patient on my mind at a time,
and it's the leader of this country.
Well, it's not a direct tend at this moment.
He's in the bed, and you're standing here.
I'm preparing the leeches. I'm listening to him breathe.
I'm monitoring the effects of the opium. I'm tending.
Give me a half a tend.
There's no such thing as a half a tend.
You've clearly never tended for anyone.
My cousin was sick once,
and I did bring him some muffins.
- I'm not gonna look.
- (GRUNTS)
I'm not looking. I'm looking you in the eye.
Well, if you're looking in the eye,
just go down three inches and you'll see the mouth.
That's a different type of look.
- Take a look. Ah.
- HARRINGTON: No.
(VOCALIZING) Aah-ah! Ah! Ah-aah! Ah! Ah! Aah!
The answer's no. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a president to tend to.
Okay, I get you're tending. What's he doing?
- He's also tending.
- I'm tending as well.
You need simultaneous tending?
Yes. We're the two attending doctors.
Let me ask you a question.
Were you secretly happy when you heard he was sick?
- No. I went to church and wept.
- LAWRENCE: (SCOFFS) Please.
If I wound up like the president in just a matter of days,
how would you feel about it?
- Would you be the president?
- No.
This whole city's full of sick people.
- It's a swamp. It's disgusting.
- (COUGHS)
If I came to your office for a visit,
how much would you charge me?
My office is here in the White House,
so that's impossible.
Well, why can't I see you in the White House?
I'm by appointment only, and I only take appointments
with the president of the United States.
So, pretty much you do nothing all day, then?
If I'm doing nothing, that means I've done my job.
- You're like a bum living in the White House.
- I'm not a bum.
- We are anticipating problems and preventing threats
- Really?
- To his health before they happen.
- Yeah. Then why didn't you
bring him a coat?
- Lawrence, please!
- (HARRISON COUGHS)
- (SMACKS LIPS)
- (WHEEZES)
- Hey, Doc, thanks for your help.
- (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- This doesn't bother me.
- Oh, yeah?
- No, doesn't bother me at all.
- Okay. Okay.
(COUGHING)
MARTHA: Oh, sweetheart.
(INDISTINCT MURMURING)
(NURSES WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)
Excuse me. Sorry to bother you.
I was at the inauguration yesterday,
and I shook his hand.
And, you know, you see how sick he is.
I'm wondering, how fast do I have to get to soap and water?
You have about ten seconds.
- Ten seconds?
- NURSE: Mm-hmm.
- That's it?
- Yep.
That's insane. It's like the only time
you could shake someone's hand is in the bathroom.
It's like you gotta walk around
with a bucket of water and soap
all day not to get sick.
No, no, no. No food at this time, please.
- LAWRENCE: What? Why?
- You feed a cold,
- but you starve a fever.
- No, I beg to differ.
You starve a cold and feed a fever.
No, you have it backwards. Are you a doctor?
No, but my mother always used to say,
"Starve a cold, feed a fever."
In fact, when I had scarlet fever,
my mother fed me continuously.
I gained 15 pounds, but I got better in a week.
- Well, was your mother a doctor?
- No, she bred schnauzers.
- But she was very worldly.
- Is she still with us?
No, she died of scarlet fever
because there was nothing left to eat.
"Starve a fever, feed a cold,
then you surely will grow old."
No, "Starve a cold, feed a fever,
live to 100, I guarantee ya."
You might be right. I think he's correct.
- No.
- It's feed the fever.
In nursing school, we fed both.
- Well, that's wrong, too.
- Feed the cold, starve the
No, save your strength. Save your strength.
Anyway, when you starve, you die. Feed the fever.
Oh, for the love of God, yes,
- feed him. Feed him.
- Please feed the fever.
Is there any of that chocolate cake left?
Feed the man.
Well, I wasn't saying he can never eat anything again.
Yeah, make him a plate.
Okay. Are you ready? Some mashed potatoes.
Oh, good!
I should have worn the coat.
- (SOFT EMOTIONAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Next time.
Next time.
(MUSIC RISES) ♪
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
- He's dead.
- (SOBBING) Oh, sweetheart! No!
- No!
- What is all this?
Why is there food everywhere?
The president, uh, had a bite to eat.
Don't you know the first rule of medicine?
"Feed a cold, starve a fever!"
- (WHISPERS) I told you.
- (WHISPERS) I told you.
Not "throw a party!"
The president's bowels were exploding, and you fed him?
Well, we don't People get it mixed up and
This is an outrage! Who in God's name
is responsible for this?
LAWRENCE: Come and get it!
Steak from Lundy's, Mr. President!
(LIVELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(BROODING MUSIC PLAYING) -
JACKSON: In late 1846, a group of pioneers
on the way to California led by George Donner
got trapped high in the mountains
by an early heavy snowfall.
Rescuers attempted to reach them,
but the first relief party did not arrive
until almost four months
after the wagon train became trapped.
With food running out, the group resorted
to drastic measures to survive.
And by "drastic," I mean
cannibalism.
- And by "cannibalism," I mean they ate each other.
- (KNIFE SCRAPES)
JACKSON: It was a terrible tragedy
for those who perished,
and for those who survived
a little tough to explain.
(MUSIC RISES) ♪
(RESCUER 1 GRUNTING)
- Dear God!
- (MUSIC FADES) ♪
- RESCUER 1: Donner party!
- RESCUER 2: They're here!
RESCUER 1: Donner party! (PANTS)
- GEORGE DONNER: Oh!
- RESCUER 1: We found you!
- Here they are!
- Oh!
- Hi!
- JACOB DONNER: Oh, hey!
- Hey.
- The snow finally melted
in the pass,
so we were able to reach you. Thank God you're alive!
- RESCUER 3: Oh, we're glad to have found you.
- Oh!
- RESCUER 2: Oh, thank God.
- Yeah, look!
- Hey.
- Look at this.
- Hey, everyone.
- Oh, that's so thoughtful of you!
- Isn't that great?
- JACOB: Rescue!
- The party.
- GEORGE: It's a rescue party.
I would love to be part of a rescue party one day
and have people kind of obligated to me
for the rest of my life 'cause I rescued them.
- The thorn out of the lion.
- (RESCUER 1 CHUCKLES)
- Don't expect that from me.
- (LAUGHS)
You look well, sir.
- Yeah, yeah. Well, we're, uh
- ELIZA DONNER: We're good. Yeah.
We're We're good. We're alive.
- Yes!
- GEORGE: Huh?
- We're doing all right, all things considered.
- GEORGE: Right?
- All things considered, yeah.
- Yeah.
- We're surviving here, yep.
- Yeah.
You look as hale as the day
- you left Salt Lake City.
- You know
- That's very nice. Thank you!
- You look great.
- That's a very nice compliment. Yes.
- ELIZA: Thank you so much.
- That's sweet.
- And And where is everyone?
- (SCOFFS)
- Now
- Well
- Who do you mean exactly?
- I mean
- Good question.
- ELIZA: It's interesting.
- It's not a bad question.
- It's a good question.
- It's a good question.
- It's a good qu "Where is everyone?"
- Everybody?
- Yes. That's the question.
- That's the question.
- We have an answer.
- We do.
- (HESITATES) We got a Yeah.
- Well, it's simple. It's simple.
- It's Th They're not here.
- No.
- That's right. They're not here.
- GEORGE: They're not here.
- They've gone. We're here.
- I see that.
- GEORGE: Yeah. We're here, they're not.
- They're not.
Because they are where?
- RESCUER 3: Yeah. (SIGHS)
- ELIZA: Um
Well, the
- Truth be told.
- Yeah, truth be told, they left.
- They took off.
- In the dead of winter?
- (RESCUERS MURMURING)
- That pass is choked of snow.
- RESCUER 2: Who would do that?
- I begged them not to go.
- But they just left us here to fend for ourselves.
- (RESCUERS MURMURING)
And you never turned against each other?
- No! And And
- No. United.
And And no one died.
JACOB: No, no, no, no. No one died.
- GEORGE: No. They didn't perish here. No.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- God, no. No one even got sick in this camp.
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- JACOB: No one died.
- No one died.
- No one died over there and, um
- GEORGE: Nope, nope.
- No one died over there.
- Oh, no. No one died there.
No one died there, and thank God!
And if you don't mind my asking,
how did you survive with no provisions?
- RESCUER 3: Yeah. Mm.
- (RESCUERS MURMURING)
- I mean, this guy
- (DONNERS LAUGHING)
- Just when you think it's it's done
- Oh, man. He's so crazy.
- Wait a minute.
- There's another question.
Is that a better question than the first question?
He beat the first question!
It feels like such an obvious question.
It doesn't make it less tremendous.
- Okay.
- And now, knowing what an unbelievable question
- that was, let that be the last.
- Right.
But what is the answer to the question?
- How did you survive?
- Okay, okay. That's
That's the best question.
- But that's the last one because it's so good.
- Yeah.
- And it's easy.
- For me,
it's too painful to get into details.
This This guy, he had four days in the tent
- and wouldn't come out.
- RESCUER 2: Oh, that's awful.
- GEORGE: Jacob, what
- It was really hard. No, it was hard. It was hard.
- He's okay.
- (JACOB SIGHS)
So how else did you survive?
- I'm going back in the tent.
- No, no!
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- I have to. I have to!
- No, no!
- I don't belong out (GASPS)
- (RESCUERS GASPING)
- (PANTS) Okay.
- GEORGE: Pull yourself together!
- I'm sorry to agitate you.
You gotta stop with the questions!
- It's all a lot.
- I'm sure you're all emotional.
- Yes.
- Yes. I still can't get over
how well you all look.
- GEORGE: (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
- That's really kind of you.
Yes, thank you again.
- You're very nice with the compliments. Yeah.
- ELIZA: Yeah.
- (SNIFFS) What is that I smell?
- Stew's ready.
- GEORGE: Ah!
- JACOB: No, maybe it's not.
- (RESCUERS GASPING, MURMURING)
- No, no, no, no, no.
- (WHISPERS) No pot. Lose the pot.
- What?
- Benjamin Donner!
- RESCUER 3: It's Donner, there he is.
- What's going on?
- A rescue, uh, rescue party.
- Oh, hey!
- Yeah!
- BENJAMIN DONNER: Yeah!
- Benjamin Donner, you look well, sir.
- Yeah, I I am.
- Huh?
You look very well, very, very well.
- Yeah, I got, uh You know, the fresh air
- Yeah.
Can make anybody And you know what I love?
- Lumber-jacking. Love the lumber-jacking.
- Oh! (CHUCKLES)
What a lumberjack this guy is!
- Tremendous exercise.
- That's it, just lumber-jacking?
And, uh, excessive masturbation.
- Oh, excessive!
- Excessive.
- ELIZA: Yeah.
- BENJAMIN: Too much.
He puts a string on the tent. We know. We know.
- Yeah, that's the signal.
- Lumberjack's tired.
- Lumberjack's "sleeping it off."
- (CHUCKLES)
- What's in the pot?
- Um
- What's in the pot?
- What's in the pot?
- Oh, the pot! The pot!
- This guy!
No, this is another unbelievable question.
- GEORGE: Another great question.
- ELIZA: That's iconic.
- How do you do it?
- How does he do it?
And what was the question?
ALL: "What's in the pot?"
Bear!
So, you all have survived the entire winter
on one bear.
Well, but that bear had eaten a pig,
so it was really like two meals.
- Uh-huh.
- And ice fishing.
- Yes! Thank God for that.
- GEORGE: Ice fishing, yeah.
- Where's the poles?
- No. No poles.
RESCUER 2: How does that work?
Get 'em with the hand. I don't need poles.
- Your hand?
- GEORGE: Yeah. I smash through the ice.
I dangle the worm. I stick it under. I wiggle it.
Fish comes. I snatch it.
- The ground's frozen. Where do you get the worms?
- (RESCUERS MURMURING)
- JACOB: Well
- Hey, I'm a lumberjack.
I cut down trees.
These worms are all through these trees.
- Tree worms!
- Tree worms?
Let me tell you something. Those fish
- They love these tree worms.
- Oh!
- They can't get enough of 'em.
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- It's a delicacy for 'em.
- So, you got worms from a tree,
and you hand ice-fished with tree worms?
(RESCUERS MURMURING)
That's a great summary.
That's the Stantons' wagon. Are they here?
- RESCUER 3: Mm.
- RESCUER 4: Yeah, where are they?
- Oh!
- Oh, the Stantons.
- The Stantons.
- It's a story.
- Stantons.
- The Stantons.
It's the The ones we were
never supposed to mention again.
- The Stantons.
- This is something.
BENJAMIN: It's something you don't wanna hear.
Eliza, why don't you go ahead and tell the story?
Yeah. You know what, Benjamin?
You have it. I know you got it right there.
I used to. I forgot it.
But remember, I told you the story with all the details.
I think the person who witnessed it
is the one to tell it.
- George
- (CLICKS TONGUE)
Why don't you share what you saw that day?
BENJAMIN: This is hard, I know.
Take your time.
Well
a big bird swooped down
- and grabbed little Isaiah, seven-year-old
- Uh-huh.
And started to fly away.
- And then Melanie saw it.
- BENJAMIN: Ah!
She latched on to Isaiah,
- and poor Charlie
- Charlie.
Charlie grabbed Melanie,
and then Isaiah
the ten-year-old, grabbed Melanie,
- and the bird flew off.
- Wait, wait. (HESITATES) Wait.
There's two Isaiahs?
- Yeah, two Isaiahs.
- JACOB: The important thing
is that both Isaiahs disappeared that day
- GEORGE: Right.
- With the bird.
You wouldn't even call it a bird. It was a
like a prehistoric animal.
- It was a dinosaur, I'm pretty sure.
- RESCUERS: Oh!
Did you happen to see a giant bird
with a family of four up in the sky?
I want to know what happened to the Stantons,
the Tylers, and the Eddies!
What the hell is going on here?
- RESCUER 3: Yeah.
- We told you what's going on.
Why? Wh What are you saying?
Do you think we ate them?
I didn't say anything about eating people.
- RESCUER 3: Yeah.
- RESCUER 2: Mm.
- Oh. Yeah, no. Of course not. Yeah.
- Yeah. Why would you think that?
- Nobody would be eaten.
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
Who would be eaten? That'd be horrible. No way!
Come on, we're not we're not cannibals.
- No! God, no!
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- That's disgusting!
- We wouldn't eat people. We wouldn't eat peop
Of course, I mean,
if I happen to stumble upon a cannibal party
in the in the woods
and they offered me a a delicious piece of a pinky,
you know, I might take a bite just to be courteous.
- Courteous.
- I'll try one.
And at that same party, if they offered me
a medium rare slice of a buttock,
- okay, I'll take a bite
- Right.
Just to be respectful.
- JACOB: Just manners.
- GEORGE: Yeah.
- Do you even wanna be rescued?
- RESCUER 3: Do ya?
- Oh. Oh.
- RESCUER 2: Come on now.
- GEORGE: Again!
- Did he?
- Another one!
- JACOB: You s
- Another one!
- JACOB: You came at me
with two unbelievable questions.
- We said that was it.
- Now, the best of all!
- "How would you like to be rescued?"
- Yeah. Oh, no. No.
- JACOB: Just kinda threw it away too
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Like no big deal, right?
GEORGE: All right, we'll we'll take the rescue.
- JACOB: How about yes?
- Give us a moment
- to, uh
- Couple minutes at least.
- Couple minutes, yeah.
- We'll help you with your things.
DONNERS: No, no, no, no, no, no.
- ELIZA: Yeah, we got it.
- Okay. Okay.
- GEORGE: Let's get out of here.
- BENJAMIN: Let's get packed up.
GEORGE: Get those meals ready.
(SOLEMN WESTERN MUSIC
PLAYING) - RESCUER 1: Oh, dear God!
- (RESCUERS GASPING, EXCLAIMING)
- RESCUER 3: Oh my God!
Just pinkies!
(LIVELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JACKSON: On August 28th, 2014,
President Obama's administration was rocked by a scandal
- the likes of which the office had never seen.
- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JACKSON: And what was this grave lapse in judgment?
President Obama addressed reporters
- in a tan suit.
- (BRIGHT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JACKSON: That's right, tan!
Not navy, not gray, not black,
not even herringbone, but tan.
- (INDISTINCT CLAMORING)
- JACKSON: A media frenzy ensued,
with some claiming Obama
had trampled over some sort of presidential boundary
with his fashion choice.
But the president came out addressing reporters on Thursday
and he was wearing this tan suit.
CHRIS JANSING: Time magazine equated it
to seeing "a performer out of costume."
GQ called it "terrible,".
Esquire, "a monstrosity."
And he looked like he was on
his way to a party at the Hamptons.
JACKSON: In the days that followed,
President Obama took the blame for this debacle,
and he refused to throw anybody under the bus.
But now, he's finally throwing someone under the bus.
(CHUCKLES) And by this point,
you might know who.
- (MUSIC FADES) ♪
- BRIAN MOSTELLER: Mr. President,
we're trying to get your selection for the NATO summit.
Yep, I think this looks, uh This looks just fine.
LARRY: What's this? This the layout,
- uh, for NATO at Turin?
- Yeah.
This is what we're gonna wear in Turin.
- LARRY: This is it?
- This is it.
Can I make a suggestion?
- Speak your mind.
- Bring some extra ties.
- Why do we need extra ties?
- (MUTTERS)
'Cause they tend to stain.
I don't stain my ties.
You know why my ties are immaculate?
- No. Why?
- I never eat soup
or pasta when I'm wearing a tie.
You have to make a choice. You get soup or tie, not both.
- Is that so?
- BARACK OBAMA: Yeah.
'Cause I noticed you eat soup.
That's why your ties are all messed up.
- Think about it.
- Interesting.
- Uh, what about the flip up?
- OBAMA: Flip up doesn't work.
You know why? What flips up, flops down.
Might make it worse.
You might end up with your tie in the soup.
Ruins both the tie and the soup.
I get it. Quite an expert on this.
- Yeah.
- Here's the schedule for Turin.
All right. What do we got here?
- Let's see.
- What's this?
- It's a drink.
- What kind of drink?
It's a protein smoothie.
- Oh, really? What's it called?
- Yeah.
I'm not sure. I'm not sure what it's called.
- LARRY: You're not sure?
- Yeah.
Does it have a name?
- Mango Tango.
- Mango Tango?
You're drinking a Mango Tango.
- That's nice.
- Yeah, you don't have to
- You don't have to yell.
- Can I have a little, uh,
a little a little taste?
(CHUCKLES) No, man, you can't have a sip of my drink.
- What's the big deal?
- I mean, it's not a big deal.
It's just not something I'd prefer.
You're using the straw.
I would just be sipping from the glass.
- Well, that'd be worse.
- How's it worse?
You're putting your mouth on the surface of the glass.
Your saliva would get in the drink.
- So you're a no-sips guy?
- No, no, I give sips.
Michelle can always have a sip.
If Malia and Sasha were here,
I would gladly give them a sip.
- Uh-huh.
- But not you.
- What about Panetta?
- No, not Panetta.
- Biden?
- OBAMA: No.
I think you have to have boundaries.
- So, no non-family sips?
- Nope.
Also, you, Biden, Panetta
- old lips.
- Old lips?
Yeah. It's not appetizing.
By the way, Old Lips, I'd love that as a nickname.
Okay, Old Lips, let's get back to the schedule.
- Okay, let's do it.
- Yeah. This looks pretty good.
- Good.
- OBAMA: I do wish
we had more time in the Alps.
A lot of stuff we could be doing.
People can go skiing,
- take some hikes.
- Mm. Really? You ski?
Why would you assume I don't ski?
Do you ski?
- Yeah.
- All right, so you think you can ski
and I might not be able to ski?
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) I mean, well, mm no.
What would lead you to assume that I don't ski?
Uh
- Larry, is is it because
- No, no, no, no.
- OBAMA: Is it because?
- No!
No sirree, Bob!
- Is it because I'm from Hawaii?
- (SCOFFS)
(CHUCKLES) Obviously, yes.
- Hawaiians ski, too, Larry.
- Hawaiians ski?
- Yeah.
- Ah! Who knew?
- I knew.
- Oh.
Wondering if you could do me a little favor
when you're over in Turin.
- At the NATO summit, you want me to do you a favor?
- LARRY: Yeah.
Tiny little thing. It's nothing.
- What is it?
- Tell the Danish prime minister
that I said hello. That's all.
In the middle of the NATO summit
- Yeah.
- When we're discussing
critical national security issues,
you want me to say to her, "Hey, you know what?"
- "Larry said hi."
- That's all you gotta do.
What do you think's gonna happen?
Just wondering what her reaction might be.
You know what I think her reaction would be?
- Hmm.
- I think she'd say, "Larry, who?"
(LAUGHS) I I don't think so.
- You didn't observe our conversation
- What
two years ago when we were there.
You think it was as memorable to her as it was to you?
I made her laugh.
- (MIMICS DANISH PRIME MINISTER) "Ooh, you're so funny."
- That's how she said it?
- LARRY: (NORMALLY) That's how she said it, yeah.
- She said, "Ooh"?
(MIMICS DANISH PRIME MINISTER)
"Ooh, you're so funny. You're funny."
- Larry
- LARRY: (NORMALLY) Yeah.
I am not gonna do that.
- Are Are you insane?
- Why?
She's the Danish prime minister.
She doesn't know who you are.
- I made a big impression on her. She knows who I am.
- Not to mention
the whole "tell somebody I said hi" thing.
Nothing happens out of that.
Let's play this out. I'm in the NATO summit.
You want me to go up to the Danish prime minister
in the middle of this thing and say,
"Old Lips Larry says hi." Then I come back.
I have to then tell you, "Helle says hi."
Now what? Nothing happens.
Now, I bore in on the attitude.
- You bore in?
- Yeah.
- What does that mean?
- That means, how did she react?
- Yeah, but Yeah.
- Did she go, "Ooh! Ooh, Larry said hi"?
- Larry, that's
- "You tell Larry
I said hi, too."
Larry, that's not a discussion I want to have, all right?
- Let's just get back to work.
- Sure.
- All right.
- What's that about?
It's classified.
- I'm not gonna tell you.
- LARRY: Why?
I'm tremendous at keeping secrets.
You know, my cousin Arthur was a bigamist.
He had a wife in New Hampshire
- Uh-huh.
- One in Queens.
He'd go back and forth every other weekend.
He didn't tell anybody.
I'm the only person he told, and I never told a soul.
- You told me.
- He's dead.
- Yeah. Okay.
- LARRY: Yeah.
And I've confided a lot of sensitive stuff with you.
I told you about the time
I pooped in my pants when I was 12 years old
- on the bus going to the Botanical Gardens
- Yeah. Larry, Larry, at the
- Yeah?
- When you started telling me this,
didn't want to hear it then, don't want to hear it now.
You can imagine how it traumatized me.
I don't really want to imagine it.
LARRY: Twelve-year-old boy, there were girls on the bus,
and they called me "Diaper David" for years.
That's confidential information.
There's a reason why you didn't get classified clearance.
Your behavior confirms that was a wise decision.
- Is it Russia? China?
- Uh, Larry, it's
- Nope.
- Taiwan. Oh my God. Taiwan?
- Excuse me, Mr. President.
- OBAMA: Yeah?
We have the press conference on ISIS in ten minutes.
Okay. Got it. All right.
I've gotta check on a couple things.
- I'll be right back.
- Sure. Yeah.
Take your time.
(GASPS)
(SLURPS)
- (TELEPHONE RINGING)
- Mm! (YELPS)
- (QUIRKY UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (GASPS)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (TELEPHONE CONTINUES RINGING)
(GASPS, GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
Ah, da, da! (GROANS)
(MUSIC STOPS) ♪
- All right, think I'm ready to go.
- (LARRY SIGHS)
(QUIRKY MUSIC STING) ♪
Hey! You know what?
- What?
- I got an idea that just might interest you.
- All right, what's your idea?
- I think
- Yeah.
- You should wear the tan suit
to the press conference.
- For this press conference?
- Yes.
- Why?
- Well, first of all, it's
it's a gorgeous suit.
And that's why I'm taking it to Turin.
There's a daytime event.
It's outdoors. A little more casual.
And this is Casual Friday.
Hey, Brian, the boss wants to try on the tan suit!
- I do love this suit. Mm.
- It's perfect.
You're casual. And it's in the briefing room.
- It's not in the East Room.
- (SIGHS) Where's your tie?
Having lunch and, uh,
gonna gonna get some soup.
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
- I'm gonna get some soup.
- You're taking my advice?
- Yeah.
- Smart. Yeah. One last tip, though.
- LARRY: Huh?
A little bit of a rookie mistake.
When you take the tie off, you gotta pop the top.
- Oh, pop the top, yeah.
- OBAMA: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It'll look cooler.
- Yeah.
- Ah, thank you.
Oh. Oh. (CHUCKLES)
- It is a great suit.
- Oh, boy, oh, boy.
I think this is the move.
I'm gonna try it out, see how it looks.
Old Lips won't let you down.
(LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
You'll thank me.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- (SIGHS)
- What do you think?
- Pretty good.
- (MUSIC FADES) ♪
- Pretty, pretty,
pretty, pretty good.
All right, let's go. I got a press conference to do.
You sure about this?
Never been more sure about anything in my life.
Okay. I'll be back.
People are gonna be talking about this
for a long, long time.
(GENTLE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Thank you for joining us on this remarkable journey.
And some of it was even true.
American progress has never been smooth or steady.
It zigs and zags in fits and starts.
For every two steps forward,
it can feel like we take one step back.
And sometimes, when we've taken one of those steps back,
it can be tempting to get discouraged,
or to give in to cynicism.
But the story of this country should inspire us
to take the harder path,
to stay true to our ideals,
and to do whatever we can to make a difference,
whether it's in our schools, our workplaces,
our neighborhoods, or our cities.
If we do, then I'm confident that the next 250 years
of our American experiment will be better than the last.
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
- OBAMA: Larry?
- Oh.
What you doing?
Oh, n n nothing. Yeah. I, uh
- lost a lost a button. Yeah.
- Ah, you did lose a button.
LARRY: Yeah. What are you gonna do?
OBAMA: Looks like the same button.
- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
- Yeah.
George Washington, we have the same button.
- Yeah.
- What a coincidence, huh?
- What a coincidence.
- (LARRY SCOFFS)
All right. Well, that was fun, huh?
- Yeah, it was great.
- Yeah.
- Enjoyed it.
- (SCOFFS) Oh, you know what?
Oh. Forgot my script.
I'll I'll, uh I'll be right back.
Larry, don't do it.
- What?
- I know what you're doing.
- I'm not doing anything.
- You're thinking about taking
George Washington's button.
That's the father of our country. Come on.
- Okay. I (SCOFFS)
- Come on.
- Like I was really gonna take the button.
- Yeah.
- I'm not gonna take the button.
- You were gonna take the button.
- I wasn't gonna take it. Hey, let me ask you a question.
- Yeah. Go ahead.
Say, hypothetically, uh,
- someone did this television show, okay
- Mm-hmm.
And everybody hated it. I mean, detested it.
You can't even leave your house without getting insulted.
Would you Would you leave the country?
Mm. I would, if I were you.
- Ah. Mm.
- Mm.
- Well, I'll tell my friend.
- OBAMA: You do that.
LARRY: You know what, 44?
I think this could be the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.
OBAMA: I don't think so.
("THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER" PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪