Marvel's Avengers Assemble (2013) s02e08 Episode Script
Head to Head
They're coming! Fall back to base.
don't let them get the missile! Thor, are you serious? Everyone knows cape's stupid! Ha! Says the Avenger in the short pants! Ground troops, form a perimeter! There are only two of them! This competition has no winner, guys.
Of course, there's a winner! The one with the coolest sunglasses! Reduce power! Are we really arguing over who has the best uniform again? Ahh! Ahh! don't push me.
I'll launch this! Ow! Doesn't look like you'll be launching anything, guys.
By the way, any Avengers gear is better than those A.
I.
M.
Uniforms.
Blinding yellow? No, you don't! Uh-oh.
Tony! Excuse me.
I usually stay out of this, but I vote for the uniform that can throw a 10 megaton missile off-course! Nice try, A.
I.
M.
Another "advanced idiotic mistake.
" Love short pants.
Airy.
No shock here.
Perfect score.
I knew you had video games in that armor.
Tell the truth.
When you're talking to Fury, you're mostly playing games.
No! Sometimes.
But this isn't a video game.
It's a performance monitor, and we're operating at 100%.
Maximum capacity.
Maximum? We can always do better.
You're mathematically challenged, Hawkeye.
You and your math.
Mind over matter, Tony.
There are variables a program can't determine.
My program can.
Can your program determine the best uniform? Good morning, S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
Got it under control, guys.
One A.
I.
M.
Squadron ready for pickup.
Hey, you want to watch where you're pointing that? Ahh! Well, that was 100% completely unexpected.
S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
! Cease-fire! Avengers, surrender! Does anyone have Fury's cell number? S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
comms aren't letting me through.
There's no need for combat! - Too late.
- Hulkbuster engaging! What did we do to make them so mad? I don't know.
But I blame Hawkeye.
Yeah, 'cause they're really ticked that I ate all their S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
pizza bagels.
Regroup at the jet! Well, if they're gonna be mad at us, let's give them something to be mad about! Well, that impressed even me.
Whoa! They sent the whole Tri-Carrier? Jeez! I'll buy you a new hover cycle.
How did we make S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
so angry? Tony, tell me your suit's back online.
Just barely.
This has got to be Hawkeye's fault.
Hulk! I believe this is called a set! Spike! Guys! Remember me? Sam Wilson! Used to be a S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
trainee? Okay? Guess not! Your efficiency program anticipate complete betrayal by S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
? Incoming! Everybody in! Widow? But we already have the Avenjet.
We're not going home.
Thor! Hulk! Give us some cover! Cover you shall have! So, we have a hornet problem, and what do we do? Fly right into the hornet's nest.
Fury has some explaining to do.
In all likelihood, S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
's been compromised.
Or this is about the time I took Fury's eye patch.
That was you? Access granted.
This is an unscheduled landing.
Identify yourselves! We're here to see Fury, guys.
Not you! Intruders! - Careful! S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
's still our ally! - Do they know that? Close it! You seriously expect to hack into Fury's Hmm.
Of course, she does.
Looking for me? Fury, I'm giving you 10 seconds to explain what's going on here.
Your operations have defied more than enough international laws.
I'm shutting the Avengers down and taking you in.
Let's hear him out first.
Fury could have some valid points.
I do not look good in a prison uniform.
Look, Stark.
I don't like being in this position either, but my superiors promise there's still room to negotiate your sentencing.
Public sentiment about the Avengers has changed in recent times.
Your conflicts with the Cabal were reckless.
You say "reckless"? I say, "saved the world a dozen times over.
" That's not how S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
sees it, but more importantly That's not how M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
sees it! I knew it! Looks like Cap owes me a shoarma sandwich.
You two had a bet? I swore it'd be Red Skull behind this.
Red Skull was a fool who thought teamwork was the only way to defeat the Avengers.
Teamwork is for the weak.
An army with a hive mind controlled by M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
Is the only way to destroy the Avengers and control the world! I like your fashion accessory.
Is that what I think it is? The Mind Stone called to me.
It claimed me! Ah, as if M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's head wasn't big enough already.
Oh, you don't understand the extent of my new powers.
I am no longer limited to mere technology.
M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
now controls minds! All the Avengers now belong to me! One problem.
We're not all here! What? Ahh! Ow! Miss us? Come here, M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
! S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
is a distraction.
Focus on the Mind Stone! Let's bring an end to this now! Did we win? Huh? I don't think so.
Something's not right.
Is this for real? Am I the only one totally freaked out right now? Nope.
I'm in the wrong body too.
Major problem.
We're all in the wrong bodies, Hawkeye.
Looks like we just got a crash course in the power of the Mind Stone.
Which M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
escaped with.
Black Widow, how do you achieve such acrobatic feats in this preposterously uncomfortable outfit? Should have switched with Thor.
Too late! Well, if this is the deal, I'm making the most of it.
Come here, Mjolnir.
Oh, come on! If it looks like Thor, and flexes like Thor Mjolnir knows you're an impostor.
It returns to Asgard to await its true owner.
Thor without the hammer? It's like Tony without his money! Oh! M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's still controlling S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
! Avengers! Scramble! Tony, I've seen you do this a thousand times.
Close enough.
- Hulk! - Here! No, I mean Widow.
I am Thor.
Whoever's in Hulk's body, smash that blast door.
You got it.
Hi-yeah! Always lead with the shoulder, never the head.
Hmm.
Right.
When did the Tri-Carrier turn into a haunted house? Iron Man, your video game compensate for a mind switch? What are we operating at, huh? 0%? It's not a video game, Hawkeye.
It's a program.
An efficiency program.
This armor really is intuitive.
It's like a second skin.
Like the second skin on Hulk's teeth? It's like I'm wearing sweaters on them.
When was the last time you brushed? Uh, brushed? We won't be performing at 17% for long.
When I get that Mind Stone contained, it should reverse the mind swap.
I hope.
Problem.
M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
still has it, and he's missing.
- Falcon! - Yes? The Falcon that's Cap.
Can you log into S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
and trace the Mind Stone's energy signal onboard? Not a problem.
That can't be good.
Hulkbusters.
We don't have much time.
Got it.
Cargo hold.
Eliminate Avengers.
Oh.
Hey, mind giving us directions to the cargo hold? - M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
is - whoa! I guess that means no! Hulk smash! Ow! We know each other's moves.
This shouldn't slow us down.
Avengers assemble! He makes this look so easy.
Whoa! Hey! Wasn't that supposed to come back on its own? Thanks! Widow smash! Stand back.
I've got this.
Maybe not! "This armor's really intuitive," Cap says.
Just want to smash something! Oil slick arrow.
Amazing.
How'd you know to use that? Careful observation and mental agility.
You were going for the explosive arrow, weren't you? Cargo hold.
Why can't we just let Widow run through the door again? Loved that.
That made this whole body swap worth it.
Give it up, M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
We've got hey! Who turned out his lights? This doesn't make any sense.
If he's unconscious, how did he get here? Who cares? Get stone.
Need out of this puny body.
Puny? This is in your hands, Cap.
Focus the shields to the right glove.
Hulk, what did you eat for lunch? I think it's coming back up.
Whoa! I'm not the only one seeing this, right? Ah, the mighty Avengers.
Looks like the Mind Stone was indiscriminate in its blast.
Let's just say, I've bulked up.
Fall back! If only Red Skull could see me now.
M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's swapped minds with the Tri-Carrier! Which explains why his real body's unconscious.
- Sorry, Thor.
- What for? This.
Oh! I am glad this isn't my body.
M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's on to us.
He's hiding the Mind Stone.
Fine.
We split up and find his body.
We need to get control of that stone first.
Hawkeye, Falcon, come with me.
You're trained as a spy, Hawkeye.
Tread lightly.
- Have you seen these boots? - Shh! Power couplers.
M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's transferring some kind of energy source.
Hmm.
At least, they didn't spot us.
Why'd you say that out loud? You jinxed us! There's nowhere to hide when I am the Tri-Carrier! Thor, give me your hand.
Ouch! Be delicate! It's my hand.
I can take it.
I know the layout of the ship.
If I was going to hide M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's body, this is where I'd do it.
Tony, the Mind Stone's still intact.
Mission accomplished.
Yes.
My mission.
- We've still got him.
- Right.
I never thought I'd see the day the Avengers were so incompetent! You make the Cabal look like a finely-tuned machine! Do not let M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
get his body! I pray Tony's team is graced with more success.
Ah! A disastrous plan! Tony I don't recall you offering a better one! Let's see how strong this body really is! Taking credit for that.
You can have it.
Only one reason M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
would stop his attack.
He got his body exactly where he wants it.
Yes.
Prepare for the download.
Tony, we got eyes on M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's body.
Sending you our location now.
Hard to believe somebody would want to get back into that body.
Hawkeye, I haven't had to ask anyone for help since the third grade, but if we're gonna take down M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
, I need tips on how you shoot.
- No, you don't.
- Huh? Is that helmet cutting off circulation to your brain? We're failing, because we're trying to be something we're not.
You're Tony Stark, not Hawkeye.
You can take a yo-yo and turn it into a time bomb.
If we're gonna win, we need to think outside the box.
Or outside of the body.
It begins! Avengers! Stop M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's transfer.
We can't let him get control of the Mind Stone! I still have more than enough power left to keep your pathetic team at bay! Hawkeye! My armor needs those things! Not as much as I do! Hawkeye's right.
Avengers! Stop trying to fight like the body you're in! Fight like yourself! Really? These short pants really are airy.
Falcon, smash! We've only got seconds! Say good-bye to your stone, M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
! In this or any other form, I am still the son of Odin! Mjolnir! To me! What happened? Avengers! Sound off! Cap! Widow! With fresh breath.
Hmm.
Breath does stink.
Show me how you did that flip? Who knew my armor could also be a weapon? What? Where Excuse me.
Goal! And? Someone told me that was impossible.
Someone wasn't thinking outside the box or body.
Stark, it's far too dangerous.
The Mind Stone should be in S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
's hands, not holed up in your tower.
Public sentiment about S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
Has been changing in recent times, Fury.
M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's invasion alone Was an anomaly! Security has been reestablished.
Well, maybe so, but we're still holding on to the Mind Stone.
Avengers out.
You were totally playing video games the whole time, weren't you? New high score.
don't let them get the missile! Thor, are you serious? Everyone knows cape's stupid! Ha! Says the Avenger in the short pants! Ground troops, form a perimeter! There are only two of them! This competition has no winner, guys.
Of course, there's a winner! The one with the coolest sunglasses! Reduce power! Are we really arguing over who has the best uniform again? Ahh! Ahh! don't push me.
I'll launch this! Ow! Doesn't look like you'll be launching anything, guys.
By the way, any Avengers gear is better than those A.
I.
M.
Uniforms.
Blinding yellow? No, you don't! Uh-oh.
Tony! Excuse me.
I usually stay out of this, but I vote for the uniform that can throw a 10 megaton missile off-course! Nice try, A.
I.
M.
Another "advanced idiotic mistake.
" Love short pants.
Airy.
No shock here.
Perfect score.
I knew you had video games in that armor.
Tell the truth.
When you're talking to Fury, you're mostly playing games.
No! Sometimes.
But this isn't a video game.
It's a performance monitor, and we're operating at 100%.
Maximum capacity.
Maximum? We can always do better.
You're mathematically challenged, Hawkeye.
You and your math.
Mind over matter, Tony.
There are variables a program can't determine.
My program can.
Can your program determine the best uniform? Good morning, S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
Got it under control, guys.
One A.
I.
M.
Squadron ready for pickup.
Hey, you want to watch where you're pointing that? Ahh! Well, that was 100% completely unexpected.
S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
! Cease-fire! Avengers, surrender! Does anyone have Fury's cell number? S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
comms aren't letting me through.
There's no need for combat! - Too late.
- Hulkbuster engaging! What did we do to make them so mad? I don't know.
But I blame Hawkeye.
Yeah, 'cause they're really ticked that I ate all their S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
pizza bagels.
Regroup at the jet! Well, if they're gonna be mad at us, let's give them something to be mad about! Well, that impressed even me.
Whoa! They sent the whole Tri-Carrier? Jeez! I'll buy you a new hover cycle.
How did we make S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
so angry? Tony, tell me your suit's back online.
Just barely.
This has got to be Hawkeye's fault.
Hulk! I believe this is called a set! Spike! Guys! Remember me? Sam Wilson! Used to be a S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
trainee? Okay? Guess not! Your efficiency program anticipate complete betrayal by S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
? Incoming! Everybody in! Widow? But we already have the Avenjet.
We're not going home.
Thor! Hulk! Give us some cover! Cover you shall have! So, we have a hornet problem, and what do we do? Fly right into the hornet's nest.
Fury has some explaining to do.
In all likelihood, S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
's been compromised.
Or this is about the time I took Fury's eye patch.
That was you? Access granted.
This is an unscheduled landing.
Identify yourselves! We're here to see Fury, guys.
Not you! Intruders! - Careful! S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
's still our ally! - Do they know that? Close it! You seriously expect to hack into Fury's Hmm.
Of course, she does.
Looking for me? Fury, I'm giving you 10 seconds to explain what's going on here.
Your operations have defied more than enough international laws.
I'm shutting the Avengers down and taking you in.
Let's hear him out first.
Fury could have some valid points.
I do not look good in a prison uniform.
Look, Stark.
I don't like being in this position either, but my superiors promise there's still room to negotiate your sentencing.
Public sentiment about the Avengers has changed in recent times.
Your conflicts with the Cabal were reckless.
You say "reckless"? I say, "saved the world a dozen times over.
" That's not how S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
sees it, but more importantly That's not how M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
sees it! I knew it! Looks like Cap owes me a shoarma sandwich.
You two had a bet? I swore it'd be Red Skull behind this.
Red Skull was a fool who thought teamwork was the only way to defeat the Avengers.
Teamwork is for the weak.
An army with a hive mind controlled by M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
Is the only way to destroy the Avengers and control the world! I like your fashion accessory.
Is that what I think it is? The Mind Stone called to me.
It claimed me! Ah, as if M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's head wasn't big enough already.
Oh, you don't understand the extent of my new powers.
I am no longer limited to mere technology.
M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
now controls minds! All the Avengers now belong to me! One problem.
We're not all here! What? Ahh! Ow! Miss us? Come here, M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
! S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
is a distraction.
Focus on the Mind Stone! Let's bring an end to this now! Did we win? Huh? I don't think so.
Something's not right.
Is this for real? Am I the only one totally freaked out right now? Nope.
I'm in the wrong body too.
Major problem.
We're all in the wrong bodies, Hawkeye.
Looks like we just got a crash course in the power of the Mind Stone.
Which M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
escaped with.
Black Widow, how do you achieve such acrobatic feats in this preposterously uncomfortable outfit? Should have switched with Thor.
Too late! Well, if this is the deal, I'm making the most of it.
Come here, Mjolnir.
Oh, come on! If it looks like Thor, and flexes like Thor Mjolnir knows you're an impostor.
It returns to Asgard to await its true owner.
Thor without the hammer? It's like Tony without his money! Oh! M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's still controlling S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
! Avengers! Scramble! Tony, I've seen you do this a thousand times.
Close enough.
- Hulk! - Here! No, I mean Widow.
I am Thor.
Whoever's in Hulk's body, smash that blast door.
You got it.
Hi-yeah! Always lead with the shoulder, never the head.
Hmm.
Right.
When did the Tri-Carrier turn into a haunted house? Iron Man, your video game compensate for a mind switch? What are we operating at, huh? 0%? It's not a video game, Hawkeye.
It's a program.
An efficiency program.
This armor really is intuitive.
It's like a second skin.
Like the second skin on Hulk's teeth? It's like I'm wearing sweaters on them.
When was the last time you brushed? Uh, brushed? We won't be performing at 17% for long.
When I get that Mind Stone contained, it should reverse the mind swap.
I hope.
Problem.
M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
still has it, and he's missing.
- Falcon! - Yes? The Falcon that's Cap.
Can you log into S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
and trace the Mind Stone's energy signal onboard? Not a problem.
That can't be good.
Hulkbusters.
We don't have much time.
Got it.
Cargo hold.
Eliminate Avengers.
Oh.
Hey, mind giving us directions to the cargo hold? - M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
is - whoa! I guess that means no! Hulk smash! Ow! We know each other's moves.
This shouldn't slow us down.
Avengers assemble! He makes this look so easy.
Whoa! Hey! Wasn't that supposed to come back on its own? Thanks! Widow smash! Stand back.
I've got this.
Maybe not! "This armor's really intuitive," Cap says.
Just want to smash something! Oil slick arrow.
Amazing.
How'd you know to use that? Careful observation and mental agility.
You were going for the explosive arrow, weren't you? Cargo hold.
Why can't we just let Widow run through the door again? Loved that.
That made this whole body swap worth it.
Give it up, M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
We've got hey! Who turned out his lights? This doesn't make any sense.
If he's unconscious, how did he get here? Who cares? Get stone.
Need out of this puny body.
Puny? This is in your hands, Cap.
Focus the shields to the right glove.
Hulk, what did you eat for lunch? I think it's coming back up.
Whoa! I'm not the only one seeing this, right? Ah, the mighty Avengers.
Looks like the Mind Stone was indiscriminate in its blast.
Let's just say, I've bulked up.
Fall back! If only Red Skull could see me now.
M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's swapped minds with the Tri-Carrier! Which explains why his real body's unconscious.
- Sorry, Thor.
- What for? This.
Oh! I am glad this isn't my body.
M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's on to us.
He's hiding the Mind Stone.
Fine.
We split up and find his body.
We need to get control of that stone first.
Hawkeye, Falcon, come with me.
You're trained as a spy, Hawkeye.
Tread lightly.
- Have you seen these boots? - Shh! Power couplers.
M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's transferring some kind of energy source.
Hmm.
At least, they didn't spot us.
Why'd you say that out loud? You jinxed us! There's nowhere to hide when I am the Tri-Carrier! Thor, give me your hand.
Ouch! Be delicate! It's my hand.
I can take it.
I know the layout of the ship.
If I was going to hide M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's body, this is where I'd do it.
Tony, the Mind Stone's still intact.
Mission accomplished.
Yes.
My mission.
- We've still got him.
- Right.
I never thought I'd see the day the Avengers were so incompetent! You make the Cabal look like a finely-tuned machine! Do not let M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
get his body! I pray Tony's team is graced with more success.
Ah! A disastrous plan! Tony I don't recall you offering a better one! Let's see how strong this body really is! Taking credit for that.
You can have it.
Only one reason M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
would stop his attack.
He got his body exactly where he wants it.
Yes.
Prepare for the download.
Tony, we got eyes on M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's body.
Sending you our location now.
Hard to believe somebody would want to get back into that body.
Hawkeye, I haven't had to ask anyone for help since the third grade, but if we're gonna take down M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
, I need tips on how you shoot.
- No, you don't.
- Huh? Is that helmet cutting off circulation to your brain? We're failing, because we're trying to be something we're not.
You're Tony Stark, not Hawkeye.
You can take a yo-yo and turn it into a time bomb.
If we're gonna win, we need to think outside the box.
Or outside of the body.
It begins! Avengers! Stop M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's transfer.
We can't let him get control of the Mind Stone! I still have more than enough power left to keep your pathetic team at bay! Hawkeye! My armor needs those things! Not as much as I do! Hawkeye's right.
Avengers! Stop trying to fight like the body you're in! Fight like yourself! Really? These short pants really are airy.
Falcon, smash! We've only got seconds! Say good-bye to your stone, M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
! In this or any other form, I am still the son of Odin! Mjolnir! To me! What happened? Avengers! Sound off! Cap! Widow! With fresh breath.
Hmm.
Breath does stink.
Show me how you did that flip? Who knew my armor could also be a weapon? What? Where Excuse me.
Goal! And? Someone told me that was impossible.
Someone wasn't thinking outside the box or body.
Stark, it's far too dangerous.
The Mind Stone should be in S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
's hands, not holed up in your tower.
Public sentiment about S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D.
Has been changing in recent times, Fury.
M.
O.
D.
O.
K.
's invasion alone Was an anomaly! Security has been reestablished.
Well, maybe so, but we're still holding on to the Mind Stone.
Avengers out.
You were totally playing video games the whole time, weren't you? New high score.