Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy (2015) s03e26 Episode Script

[Groot narrating.]
I am Groot.
I am Groot! I am I am Groot.
I am Groot.
I am Groot.
I am Groot.
I am Groot.
I am Groot! I am Groot.
I am Groot! I am Groot.
I am Groot.
[Rocket.]
What Groot means to say is, this is Rocket's List of Grievances Number 326 in an ongoing series.
So, Odin's no-good brother, the Serpent, took control of the World Tree and conquered Asgard.
[grunts.]
No! No! [straining.]
How come? Oh, no reason, except to drain all the life energy out of every planet in the galaxy.
[Quill.]
Okay, enough griping.
This is Star-Lord's Super Awesome Adventure Log! Okay, so we scoured the galaxy for heroes to help us save Asgard.
I mean, we had a Hulk.
How cool is that? [straining.]
[muffled straining.]
[Rocket.]
Only that didn't work out quite like we planned.
[Drax.]
Cease this annoying bickering while I present Drax Facts.
We went to Hela, Queen of Asgard's Fallen, to reforge Dragonfang, the only weapon capable of defeating the Serpent in glorious combat! [Quill.]
And what happened, Draxy? [yells.]
[Drax.]
That did not work out as planned.
I am Groot! [Rocket.]
Then we busted outta there with Dragonfang.
- Yeah, I was getting to that.
- [Quill.]
That's the most important part! [Rocket.]
Don't tell me how to list my grievances! [Gamora.]
You're all wasting your breath.
- As in, this ship is literally running out of oxygen.
- I am Groot.
How we gonna hitch a ride? We're in the middle of nowhere.
And I don't mean the giant Celestial head.
I am Groot! [Rhomann Dey.]
Attention, Asgardian Skiff.
You are obstructing Nova Corps activity.
Please clear the area.
Rhomann Dey! Unh! Finally, a space cop when you need one.
[Dey.]
You're lucky I ran into you guys.
All Nova Corps units have been dispatched to subdue some kind of disturbance on Asgard.
I was on my way there when I found you.
But I can't raise any of the other corpsman over the comm.
That's because the battle's already over.
[Rocket.]
And guess who lost.
Nova Corps! Nova Corps lost this battle.
What? Was my guess incorrect? [Quill.]
Looks like the Serpent went a little overboard with the World Tree landscaping.
[Gamora.]
He also has the Bifrost.
Which means he'll be able to siphon the life out of every planet in the galaxy.
No idea what you're talking about.
[screeching.]
[gasps.]
Well, that oughta give you a clue! [screeching.]
[glass cracking.]
What are those things? [computer trilling.]
They appear to be large insects impervious to weapons.
Let's see if they're impervious to restraints.
[screeches.]
[all yelling.]
[groans.]
Yeah, I'm gonna go with "impervious to restraints.
" [sighs.]
Then we need to hit their master with the one thing he's not impervious to.
I am Groot.
[cries out.]
Oh, how many times I gotta tell ya? - Dragonfang ain't safe for trees! - And Asgard isn't safe for us.
We'll need a fleet to fight this threat.
Several fleets, in fact.
Which means we'll need the support of the Galactic Council.
[Nova Prime.]
The Galactic Council cannot support - an attack on Asgard.
- [Quill.]
Aw, come on! The Rigellian, Spartaxian, and Kree empires are currently under siege.
All military resources must be directed to the defense of their own planets.
Aw, well, that was useful.
And by "useful," I mean a complete flargin' waste of time! [Quill.]
Oh, I know someone who might be able to help.
You're not gonna like it.
- I knew you would come to me.
- Hey, Thanos.
So, we were in the neighborhood, and It's a funny story.
Remember how you said, "The end of everything approaches"? I also recall saying, "Nothing you can do will prevent it.
" Does this look like nothing? I will answer for you.
It does not.
It looks like a sword.
Hm, not just any sword.
I would recognize the enchantment of that beguiling creature Hela anywhere.
- You know her? - I'm a great admirer of her work.
I might consider helping you in exchange for her sword.
- I am Groot.
- Yeah.
No deal.
- Suit yourselves.
- Seriously? You're just gonna sit back and let someone else destroy the galaxy? The whole galaxy? I want her to ask me.
My daughter and true heir.
Father, I beg of you, prove to the galaxy that the mighty Thanos is capable of anything, - even an act of good.
- An intriguing challenge.
I really hope you guys know what you're doing.
[digital humming.]
[shackle clangs.]
Yeah.
We do.
Make a move on anybody other than the Serpent, and you get the zap, like so! [beeps.]
[cries out.]
[mutters.]
[Thanos.]
I feel much more like myself in this armor.
Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Perhaps it is, as you are fond of saying, a bit of both.
[Quill.]
There's Asgard.
We're gonna need a way to bust through those vines.
- Any suggestions? - [Thanos.]
Allow me.
[roars.]
[roars.]
I am Groot.
Thanos is a brutal, power-mad despot upon whom I have sworn eternal vengeance.
[grunting.]
But he knows how to throw a punch.
[grunting.]
[roaring.]
[roaring.]
- Oh, that's not good.
- Wait for it.
[screeching.]
[roars.]
Wow.
The Serpent's so busy sending his attack bugs to fight off Thanos, he won't even know we're here.
Apparently he can multi-task.
[Quill.]
Abandon ship! Before we're plant food! [sword blows landing.]
[Drax grunting.]
Heed well, Serpent! Drax will not be stopped by foliage! This isn't just foliage.
It's a delivery system.
The Serpent is using it to feed off of life energy his bugs steal from other planets.
[roaring.]
Yo, Wrinkles! Got some new targets for you to punch! You sure he heard you? [beeps.]
[Thanos screaming.]
[chuckles.]
Ohh, yeah.
These creatures are bursting with life.
I despise life.
- Who dares interrupt my meal? - I am Groot! Thanos dares.
[insect creature buzzing.]
[grunts.]
So, the Mad Titan Thanos himself at my doorstep.
[thuds.]
This is indeed a pleasant surprise.
I look forward to defeating you.
[Drax grunts, yells.]
You are the one who will be defeated this day, Serpent! Aahh! [grunting.]
You are no threat to me, mortal.
This sword, however [Quill.]
Is not going into your slimy hands.
Rocket, catch! [grunts.]
[sword clangs on ground.]
Eh, flarg.
[grunts.]
[straining.]
Okay, Serpie.
Dance-off.
You and me, bro.
I do not dance.
[grunts.]
This sword was forged by my brother, Odin, and enchanted by Hela, Queen of Asgard's Fallen.
It was designed to slay me, yet it failed, shattering at my touch.
I don't imagine you mortals will be so fortunate.
[grunts.]
[Thanos.]
I will consider myself warned.
As you Guardians are so fond of saying, "you're welcome.
" I am Groot.
Thanos, you will pay for your insolence! The World Tree serves at my command! It feeds me with the life energy of its captives.
All the might of Asgard! You are not the only one capable of siphoning energy, Serpent.
- [Quill.]
Who knew he could do that? - Thanos knew.
[Quill groans.]
What? Was my guess incorrect again? [both yell.]
Aah! [Rocket.]
Huh.
I can't believe I'm rooting for the purple guy.
[Gamora.]
My father may be many things, but ineffective isn't one of them.
[music.]
[yells.]
[Thanos grunts.]
You cannot wield life energy, Titan.
You oppose life.
You are better suited for Hela's domain than mine.
You fear Hela's dark power, Asgardian.
[yells.]
That is why her sword can defeat you! [grunts.]
That is why I will defeat you! [straining.]
I am Groot.
[yells.]
Pity you don't have her sword now.
[yells.]
Aaahhh! Oh, that's really not good.
Now to finish that from which I was so rudely interrupted.
Oh, yeah? Then where's your sword, nature boy? Burn.
[growls.]
Where is Dragonfang? [straining.]
I am Groot! Feeble weed.
You can barely touch Dragonfang, let alone wield it.
- Who do you think you are? - I am Groot! [bellowing.]
No! Aah! [all yell, grunt.]
Clearly, I underestimated you, sapling.
You possess the potential for power - to rival the World Tree itself.
- I am Groot? Think of how we can rule the galaxy if we wield that power together.
I am Groot! [grunts.]
[straining.]
Very well.
If you will not join me, I will feast on your life energy! [weakly.]
I am Groooot.
You will not be, once I've drained you of your life energy.
[grunts.]
Aaahh! [Quill.]
I think you've had a little too much, Serpent.
I'm gonna have to cut you off.
[growls.]
[Drax.]
It appears it will be the Serpent who will do the cutting.
Then we'll do the blasting! I'll show ya blasting! [grunting.]
[yells.]
[grunts.]
[all yell, grunt.]
[grunts.]
I am Groot! [yells, grunts.]
[straining.]
I am Groot! [grunting.]
[groans.]
This battle is extremely frustrating.
It's like he can see our attacks before we make them.
Aah! Now he can't see anything.
[grunting.]
He's missing the best part.
[grunts.]
[groans.]
I am Groot.
I am Groot.
I am Groot! So, the Serpent is connected to the World Tree, and the only way to sever that connection is with Dragonfang? - I am Groot.
- [Quill.]
Let's move! We gotta punch that sword all the way into the World Tree before the Serpent wakes up! I am Groot! [all straining.]
[grunts.]
[straining.]
[music.]
I am Groot.
No! [all grunt.]
[groans.]
I am It's over, twig.
You've failed! I am Groot.
No! No! [grunting.]
Aahh [ascending whirring.]
[silence.]
[explosion.]
[communicator beeps.]
- Did we stop the Serpent? - [Thor.]
Verily Lord of the Stars.
Thor! Odin! What's happening? What is happening is you have saved everyone in Asgard - and all the Nine Realms.
- Perhaps not everyone.
[Rocket.]
Groot! Ohh.
You sacrificed everything to save us, bud.
Not as long as I am All-Father of this realm.
[inhales.]
I am Groot! You mind? I'm, uh, trying to have a moment here.
Wait.
You're alive? You're alive! [muffled grunting.]
[music.]
[Odin.]
My brother, the Serpent, is defeated and his captives freed.
Asgard once again owes a mighty debt of gratitude to the Guardians of the Galaxy.
And once again, Asgard completely ignores my contribution.
I saved the Bifrost.
I found Dragonfang.
I'm just as much hero, if not more.
Loki? Hero? - It is not in your trickster nature.
- Aw, give him a break.
He's a trickster and a hero.
- You know, a bit of both.
- I am Groot! Even my father, Thanos, the most evil being in the galaxy, proved he was capable of good, if just once.
Take 'em all.
You've earned 'em.
I I don't know what to say.
I do.
Let's show these Asgardians how to par-tay! I am Groot.
I am Groot.
I am Groot.
I am Groot! [laughing.]
- I am Groot.
- Who are you talking to? I am Groot.
I am Groot.
[laughs.]
I am Groot.
[sighs.]
I guess this is all I have to remember you by now, Yondu.
[blows.]
[whistles.]
Ow! And you still found a way to be a pain in my butt! Corn dogs.
Drax knows of no greater delicacy in the universe.
Hmm? Uh, wha [both laughing.]
[Gamora.]
Hello, Collector.
Did you really think we'd forgotten about Heimdall? [music.]
I've wanted to meet you for a long time Hela, Queen of Darkness.
[Iron Man.]
It is my honor to introduce to you today our allies from the cosmos.
- Just think of us as Space Avengers! - I didn't say that.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Guardians of the Galaxy.
[crowd cheering.]
Peter Jason Quill! Right here! Where have you been for the last 30 years? - We all wanna know.
- Grandpa? So you do remember your last living relative.
So, what's your excuse for not calling? Oh, let me guess.
They don't have phones in space.
Well, the thing is, I've kind of been busy saving the galaxy and stuff.
"Hi, Grandpa.
Oh, boy! It's Pete.
I missed you so much.
I just wanted to let you know I'm not dead.
I hope you haven't been worrying yourself sick searching in vain for me every day of your life.
" - Come on! Is it that hard? - Um, it's been great to see you.
Do you think we could talk after the press conference? Oh, sure.
The Avengers you've got time for them.
But your own flesh and blood? Didn't they teach you any manners in space? You get over here.
Get Come on.
- Come with me.
Come on.
- Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow! [laughs.]
I like this guy.