Merry Happy Whatever (2019) s01e04 Episode Script
Happy Mall-idays
1 It won't be easy.
[INHALES.]
We will be tested.
But Quinns don't quit.
And if we stick to the plan, we can be out of that God-forsaken place in under two hours.
So gear up.
We're headed to the mall.
- All right, let's go.
- And remember to use the bathroom before we go, because your mom always said, "A mall bathroom is where dignity goes to die.
" Okay, what the heck is happening? Dad hates the mall.
- And two days before Christmas? - I know! Crowds of shoppers wandering around with no respect for an organized traffic flow.
That is his nightmare.
Earlier today, he told me he wanted to browse.
I mean, what's next? Trying things on? Matt, can you play me something? Oh, yeah.
Make up a song like you do at home sometimes.
- He's great at this.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I don't know about great.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Pretty darn good.
- [INHALES DEEPLY.]
I mean, you said great, so [CHUCKLES.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
This is a song about Matt and Donny Headed to the mall With very little money [LAUGHS.]
Why are you wearing heels to the mall? No reason.
I just miss the days when people got dressed up to go shopping and also minded their own business.
Your poor Aunt Kayla Had some days that are bad Maybe getting dressed up is just A way to not be sad Oh, nice! Don't show me up.
[CHUCKLES.]
- All right, let's move out.
- [GUITAR STRUMMING.]
And remember, no Quinn left behind.
Don likes rules But he doesn't like sass If you want my opinion He's a bit of a Great guy Hmm.
Jeez.
No Quinn left behind.
What happens if you're not a Quinn? Yeah, one time they forgot me in Atlantic City.
I had to take a series of buses home.
Ooh.
Actually, uh, could I get a sleeve for my coffee? [CHUCKLES.]
I don't need one, thanks.
I have adult male hands.
Actually, I'll use my, uh, male hands, too.
[GROANS.]
[DON SIGHS.]
This place is my nightmare.
Sean, you're with me.
[EMMY SIGHS.]
Man, I spent so much time working here in high school.
Pottery Barn.
Coat Barn.
Burger Barn.
Barns were big back then.
Our dad made us all get jobs when we turned 16.
I sold patio furniture.
[MATT.]
Huh.
Yeah, my dad had me doing all sorts of jobs.
I had to make my bed.
Unload the dishwasher.
Refill the Brita.
That's chores, dumb-dumb.
You never had an actual job as a kid? What? No.
Since my parents were divorced, neither one wanted me giving up time with them for a job.
It must've been nice.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
Divorce is great.
You know? [CHUCKLES.]
Having to be shuttled back and forth between two houses.
Having to have two birthdays, two Christmases.
Actually, that was pretty sweet.
What was my point? Okay.
I'm gonna run to the bathroom.
Don't tell Dad.
[CHUCKLES.]
But seriously, don't.
Oh.
Is she why you're all dolled up? Dolled up? That is such an antiquated sexist term.
Do I look hot? [MATT.]
Oh Extra hot.
Like this coffee.
I am in agony.
Her name's Kristen.
I noticed her name tag today.
And the dozens of other times I bought coffee from her.
Anyway, after you and I talked yesterday, I started thinking, you know, maybe I should go see what's what.
Wow.
You're jumping in fast.
But yeah, cool.
Go for it.
I am.
I already was before you said that.
Go.
- Oh, we've been stuck here forever! - [MARGIE CRYING.]
I'm aware.
The mall's very crowded today, and I can't find a parking space.
There is a spot No, there is not Is that a spot? No, it's the stairs [PATSY CHUCKLES.]
Well, everyone liked it when Matt made up a song.
- [SIGHS.]
- Mom, can we go to Cinnabon? Ooh, can I get a Frappuccino? Gosh.
Now that you're asking me for the tenth time, I guess the answer's yes.
- That means no.
- [MARGIE CRYING.]
Todd, Margie probably spit her pacifier out.
Can you find it and stick it back in her mouth? Sure you want it back in her mouth? I think it landed on something furry.
- Oh, God! It's food! - [PATSY.]
Oh! This is what I get for putting off getting a picture of the baby with Santa.
Now the line's gonna be super long and filled with other bad parents, and why won't this idiot just go? - [HONKS HORN.]
- [TIRES SQUEAL.]
- [CRASH.]
- Oh! Everybody out.
- Do you want me to stay with you? - Is that what "everybody out" means? Okay.
What about this Star Destroyer for Donny? It's kind of pricey, don't you think? But he's your nephew, and it's Christmas.
And maybe he'll let me build it with him.
- Come on.
You can afford it.
- No.
I know, my job pays well.
Doesn't mean I can go nuts.
It's one thing.
You're not going nuts.
"Nuts" would be getting that $500 Death Star, which, if you really want to win Christmas Well, it's not just one thing.
Like, you're a little quick to spend our money at home, too.
Which, considering your childhood, makes sense.
Well, I'm sorry my parents didn't make me pick turnips when I was five.
[CHUCKLES.]
Plus, I chip in everything I make giving guitar lessons.
And I appreciate it.
I'm I'm just saying, like, you always want to do take-out instead of just making dinner.
'Cause we can't cook.
- Yeah.
- Remember the salmon, Emmy? It's not just that.
Like, you're always going out to clubs, and that adds up.
Getting drinks with managers is how I network for my band.
And I have to keep up with them, and they are all alcoholics.
I'm sorry.
[SIGHS.]
Just It's crazy in here, and the mall bathroom really bummed me out.
I'll get the Space Destroyer for Donny.
Star Destroyer.
Why would you want to destroy space? [CHUCKLES.]
Why would you want to do any of it? [CHUCKLES.]
Just so you know, I'm only short on cash because I spent all my savings on a, uh, engagement ring for her.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Lucky girl.
Thanks.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, you were kidding.
Hi-dee-ho there.
I mean, just hi.
Hi.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hello.
How can I help you, Kayla? You know my name? I wrote it on your cup ten minutes ago.
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah.
There it is.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's It's great handwriting.
I give you an A in penmanship.
[CHUCKLES.]
I doff my cap.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [SIGHS.]
- So did you want anything? No.
No, I'm just curious about you your job.
Your job.
- How do you like it? - [GROANS.]
It's crazy with the holidays.
But I just broke up with my girlfriend, so being busy helps keep my mind off it.
Oh, no.
I just split up with my partner.
Look at us.
[CHUCKLES.]
We're break-up besties.
[LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[KRISTEN.]
Hey, look.
You don't need to be shy.
It's pretty obvious why you're here.
[SIGHS.]
It is? The nice outfit.
Asking about my work.
Here's a job application.
Fill it out, and then we'll do an interview.
Thanks so much! [CHUCKLES.]
So, what are we thinking? I don't know what we are thinking, but I am thinking, "Don't rush me, Sean.
" I'm looking for a gift.
For a colleague.
Personalized key chain.
Boom.
What's his name? Nancy.
Oh.
The Nancy you watched the game with yesterday? Mm-hmm.
- Cool.
- Hmm.
- Nice.
- Hmm.
- Okay.
- Hmm.
[DON CLEARS THROAT.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
- [MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
- [PHONE CHIMES.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING, MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING, MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[SEAN CHUCKLES.]
Oh, sorry, just, uh [INHALES.]
checking the weather.
Still super cold.
Brr! [KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[HORN HONKS.]
Oh, dear.
Okay, AAA is on the way to fix the tire.
I'm so sorry.
I'm not usually a honker, but parking's insane.
I just quit smoking.
Todd was having a tantrum over a pacifier.
Is this Todd? No.
Todd's my full-grown brother-in-law.
He's a lot, and the baby's a lot, and the holidays are a lot.
- And [PANTING.]
- Oh, it's fine.
You're fine.
Take a breath, dear.
[BOTH EXHALE HEAVILY.]
Okay.
You are doing the best that you can.
And guess what? Your best is good enough.
[EXHALES.]
Butterscotch? Yes, please.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- [JOY SIGHS.]
I can't believe I'm being forced to save Joy a spot in a Santa line.
I'm Jewish, I shouldn't have to do this.
It's one of the perks.
How can you be in a bad mood? I mean, can't you just feel the holiday spirit in the air? [SNEEZES.]
That's not holiday spirit.
That's plague.
[CHUCKLES.]
He's kidding.
Merry Christmas.
Actually, I hope I'm not getting sick.
Are you hot? I'm burning up.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm sorry.
Are you the dentist from those adorable bench ads? "I guaranteeth it.
" Wow.
[TODD AND PATSY CHUCKLE.]
Yes.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yes, I am.
[CHUCKLES.]
Doctor Todd, DDS.
[WOMAN CHUCKLES.]
- Hi.
- Hi.
Wow.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Can you check my gums? They're super inflamed.
I'm a celebrity.
- [LAUGHS.]
- [PATSY CHUCKLES.]
Is there any place in this mall that doesn't smell like Yankee Candle? Oh, no.
Oh, God.
It's Julia Stayman-Fife.
She talked me into mini-bangs in high school.
Made my life a living - Hi! - [GASPS.]
Emmy Quinn! - Julia! - Oh! - Oh! Merry Christmas.
- [CHUCKLES.]
How have you been? So blessed.
I have my own therapy practice.
My husband Hunter is an attorney, and he proposed in Rome and it was bellissima.
[GIGGLES.]
We got married two years ago, and then nine months and just two pushes later boop! [CHUCKLES.]
We are just so, so blessed.
So, how about you? - Uh, Matt and I are also so, so blessed.
- Aww.
I'm a senior project manager at Pricewaterhouse in LA.
La La Land? Fun! [CHUCKLES.]
And what about you, Matt? I'm in a band.
A super successful band.
Yeah.
The Monkey Diplomats.
Ever heard of them? No? That's so weird, because they're huge in LA.
They're on the verge of signing a record deal.
Lots of fans.
Screaming girls.
Kind of a Beatlemania situation.
- [JULIA.]
Whoa! - [CHUCKLES.]
Emmy Quinn, dating a rock star.
Yep.
It almost doesn't seem real.
[MATT CHUCKLES.]
I miss RadioShack.
Dad, we've been to half the mall already.
My thighs are chafed.
I need this gift to be good.
How do you pick out a gift for Joy? I just have her write down a list of five things she wants and I pick three.
The surprise for her is which two she doesn't get.
That doesn't sound very romantic.
Wait.
This gift for Nancy is supposed to be Let's just keep moving, okay? [KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING, MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING, MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING, MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[CELL PHONE RINGS.]
- Hey.
- Get off your phone.
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
- [KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
- [HORN HONKS.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[PHONE CHIMES.]
- [DON.]
Hey, guys.
- [PATSY SIGHS.]
Pats, you okay? I don't know.
I'm super hot.
Sort of feels like I'm standing under a heater.
[GASPS.]
That's perfect.
Thanks, Pats.
You're welcome? By the way, Sean, we've been standing in line for Joy and Margie, AKA your wife and child.
[DON.]
Hurry up, lazy! You want to switch? You have a lovely day.
- [TODD SIGHS.]
- Isn't it possible I'm I'm feeling like this because I'm not okay with my dad dating? It's the first time he's been interested in someone since your mom died.
It's normal to feel a little, you know, freaked out by that.
Oh, God.
- Why don't we get you some air? - What? No.
We can't leave this line.
Quinns don't quit.
Pardon me.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's Dr.
Todd again.
- Hi.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Hey, Dr.
Todd.
Would you mind saving our spot while I take my wife to get some air? It would really help me out.
I guaranteeth it.
[CHUCKLES.]
[WOMAN CHUCKLES.]
Using your bus bench fame to try to manipulate us regular folk is really not cool.
- And you have gingivitis.
- [GASPS.]
I didn't know she could sleep for more than two minutes at a time.
Do me next.
[CHUCKLES.]
You know, one day you're going to miss all this.
Your kids will move off into their own lives and start their own families.
And you're going to look back on this time and realize just how special it was.
That's exactly what I needed to hear right now.
[CHUCKLES.]
Carol, you're like my guardian angel.
Oh, I don't know about that.
Well, I'm so glad we met.
I just hate that it happened like this.
Oh, now don't you go feeling guilty.
It was all my fault.
I'll bet you're a much better driver than most orientals.
Wait, what? It just isn't your people's strong suit.
But you have math.
Damn it, Carol, I thought we had something.
[SPITS.]
I mean, I like it, but is gold too flashy? I don't want to overdo it.
It's a space heater, Dad.
I don't think you can overdo it.
Maybe go with something normal, like chocolate or flowers.
Or again, you can't go wrong with a personalized key chain.
Nope.
It's the perfect gift.
It's got the energy saver and a retractable cord.
She's a beaut.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING, MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING, MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
Hey, is it crazy to get the Caramel Pecan Bons and the BonBites? Oh, and also, are you embarrassed of me? What? No, of course not.
Okay, because, you know, in the span of one mall visit you basically said I don't have enough money or success.
I compared you to The Beatles.
[SIGHS.]
Okay.
Um I guess sometimes I worry about our financial stability and the future.
- Well, so do I.
- Well, not as much as I do.
[SCOFFS.]
Well, you got that right.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, one of us has to.
I insist.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hi.
Can we have, uh, two classic CinnaCombos, please? Yeah.
Hmm? Hmm.
[REGISTER BEEPS.]
[SIGHS.]
"Declined.
" [LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
Cool timing, universe.
So, yeah, it can be tiring, but you get to spell rude people's names wrong on their cups.
They get so mad.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
So, uh, tell me about your experience.
Oh.
Oh, um I don't really have much per se.
- Okay.
- Um I mean, I kissed a girl in a play once, but I never really had Oh! Oh, oh, oh, work experience.
[KAYLA CHUCKLES.]
That makes more sense.
Um Uh I'm I'm in commercial real estate.
Then why are you applying to be a barista? [CHUCKLES.]
Look.
I'm not here for a job.
I, um I find you muy interesante.
Oh! Wow.
Um [CLEARS THROAT.]
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm very flattered.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
But to be honest, you're not my type.
Fun and beautiful? Okay.
But thank you for your interest in me and Peet's Coffee.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Happy holidays.
You too! Bye now.
Love you.
Oh, my God.
Hey, guys.
Is Pats okay? - I'm okay.
- She says she's okay.
She somehow looks pale and flushed at the same time.
- I'm fine.
- She says she's fine.
Hey, guys.
Oh, hey.
So how'd it go with the barista? Well, I need to find a new mall, so that's cool.
[SIGHS.]
She, uh She said I wasn't her type.
[SCOFFS.]
Fun and beautiful? I know, right? Hey.
Um I'm sorry about Today was weird.
I'm sorry too.
Are we okay? 'Cause it felt like there was some real stuff coming out today and, you know, when we were caroling too.
No, I know.
But I think it's just, like, the stress of the holidays and being around my family all the time.
Hey, can we sneak out tonight? You know, grab a drink.
Just the two of us.
We can't.
Tonight we wrap gifts.
Then we watch It's a Wonderful Life.
Then my dad has to leave early so he can pretend he's not crying.
Well, we tried.
I'm gonna go use the little boys' room.
- Don't tell your dad I called it that.
- No.
[PANTING.]
Pats! Todd! - Oh.
- [JOY SIGHS.]
Thanks so much.
I appreciate it.
[SIGHS.]
I appreciate all of you.
I should say that more often.
Or maybe I shouldn't.
I don't know.
Damn it, Carol.
Okay, mission accomplished.
Let's go! Why is everybody looking at me like it's the end of It's a Wonderful Life? I, uh I might have told them about Nancy.
So you've been gossiping about me like a bunch of biddies in a beauty shop? [SIGHS.]
What's the general consensus? It's so good, Dad.
We're so happy for you, Dad.
I think it's great.
I just I-I didn't want you to feel Your mom I-I still - Dad, we want you to be happy.
- feel So if Nancy makes you happy, then you have to go for it.
'Cause Quinns don't quit.
[DON CHUCKLES.]
But can we talk about the space heater? - [KAYLA GROANS.]
- Not good, Dad.
Yeah, no.
It's It's bad.
Your mom always said that the key to being in a good relationship is being a good listener, and Nancy mentioned that her feet get cold at the nurse's desk.
So, I just thought that I'd like to try to - keep her warm.
- Aww.
- Look at this guy! - That's so sweet, Dad.
All right.
Okay.
Pull yourselves together, all right? Come on.
Let's get out of here.
Come on.
- Yes.
- Let's get you home, huh? - Yeah.
- Oh! Or maybe to a doctor.
I didn't quit.
- No, you didn't, sweetie.
- Yeah.
Come on.
Let's go.
[SIGHS.]
I'm gonna have to take a series of buses home, aren't I? Not if you run.
[SIGHS.]
[EXHALES.]
[EXHALES.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
[DON.]
Oh.
Hello [CHUCKLES.]
Bryan.
Don Quinn.
We met watching the Eagles.
- I'm just messing with you, Don.
- Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
That was good.
[INHALES.]
Is your mom home? Oh, shoot.
No, you just missed her.
[DON.]
Oh.
Would it be okay if I left this for her? Well, of course.
I'll make sure she gets it.
[DON EXHALES.]
Great.
Merry Christmas.
You too, Don.
Good night.
See you.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
I can't wait to tell everyone.
Let's do it tomorrow before midnight mass.
Okay.
For now, I I just want this for us.
[CHUCKLES.]
[BOTH EXHALE.]
[PATSY CHUCKLES.]
[INHALES.]
We will be tested.
But Quinns don't quit.
And if we stick to the plan, we can be out of that God-forsaken place in under two hours.
So gear up.
We're headed to the mall.
- All right, let's go.
- And remember to use the bathroom before we go, because your mom always said, "A mall bathroom is where dignity goes to die.
" Okay, what the heck is happening? Dad hates the mall.
- And two days before Christmas? - I know! Crowds of shoppers wandering around with no respect for an organized traffic flow.
That is his nightmare.
Earlier today, he told me he wanted to browse.
I mean, what's next? Trying things on? Matt, can you play me something? Oh, yeah.
Make up a song like you do at home sometimes.
- He's great at this.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I don't know about great.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Pretty darn good.
- [INHALES DEEPLY.]
I mean, you said great, so [CHUCKLES.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
This is a song about Matt and Donny Headed to the mall With very little money [LAUGHS.]
Why are you wearing heels to the mall? No reason.
I just miss the days when people got dressed up to go shopping and also minded their own business.
Your poor Aunt Kayla Had some days that are bad Maybe getting dressed up is just A way to not be sad Oh, nice! Don't show me up.
[CHUCKLES.]
- All right, let's move out.
- [GUITAR STRUMMING.]
And remember, no Quinn left behind.
Don likes rules But he doesn't like sass If you want my opinion He's a bit of a Great guy Hmm.
Jeez.
No Quinn left behind.
What happens if you're not a Quinn? Yeah, one time they forgot me in Atlantic City.
I had to take a series of buses home.
Ooh.
Actually, uh, could I get a sleeve for my coffee? [CHUCKLES.]
I don't need one, thanks.
I have adult male hands.
Actually, I'll use my, uh, male hands, too.
[GROANS.]
[DON SIGHS.]
This place is my nightmare.
Sean, you're with me.
[EMMY SIGHS.]
Man, I spent so much time working here in high school.
Pottery Barn.
Coat Barn.
Burger Barn.
Barns were big back then.
Our dad made us all get jobs when we turned 16.
I sold patio furniture.
[MATT.]
Huh.
Yeah, my dad had me doing all sorts of jobs.
I had to make my bed.
Unload the dishwasher.
Refill the Brita.
That's chores, dumb-dumb.
You never had an actual job as a kid? What? No.
Since my parents were divorced, neither one wanted me giving up time with them for a job.
It must've been nice.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
Divorce is great.
You know? [CHUCKLES.]
Having to be shuttled back and forth between two houses.
Having to have two birthdays, two Christmases.
Actually, that was pretty sweet.
What was my point? Okay.
I'm gonna run to the bathroom.
Don't tell Dad.
[CHUCKLES.]
But seriously, don't.
Oh.
Is she why you're all dolled up? Dolled up? That is such an antiquated sexist term.
Do I look hot? [MATT.]
Oh Extra hot.
Like this coffee.
I am in agony.
Her name's Kristen.
I noticed her name tag today.
And the dozens of other times I bought coffee from her.
Anyway, after you and I talked yesterday, I started thinking, you know, maybe I should go see what's what.
Wow.
You're jumping in fast.
But yeah, cool.
Go for it.
I am.
I already was before you said that.
Go.
- Oh, we've been stuck here forever! - [MARGIE CRYING.]
I'm aware.
The mall's very crowded today, and I can't find a parking space.
There is a spot No, there is not Is that a spot? No, it's the stairs [PATSY CHUCKLES.]
Well, everyone liked it when Matt made up a song.
- [SIGHS.]
- Mom, can we go to Cinnabon? Ooh, can I get a Frappuccino? Gosh.
Now that you're asking me for the tenth time, I guess the answer's yes.
- That means no.
- [MARGIE CRYING.]
Todd, Margie probably spit her pacifier out.
Can you find it and stick it back in her mouth? Sure you want it back in her mouth? I think it landed on something furry.
- Oh, God! It's food! - [PATSY.]
Oh! This is what I get for putting off getting a picture of the baby with Santa.
Now the line's gonna be super long and filled with other bad parents, and why won't this idiot just go? - [HONKS HORN.]
- [TIRES SQUEAL.]
- [CRASH.]
- Oh! Everybody out.
- Do you want me to stay with you? - Is that what "everybody out" means? Okay.
What about this Star Destroyer for Donny? It's kind of pricey, don't you think? But he's your nephew, and it's Christmas.
And maybe he'll let me build it with him.
- Come on.
You can afford it.
- No.
I know, my job pays well.
Doesn't mean I can go nuts.
It's one thing.
You're not going nuts.
"Nuts" would be getting that $500 Death Star, which, if you really want to win Christmas Well, it's not just one thing.
Like, you're a little quick to spend our money at home, too.
Which, considering your childhood, makes sense.
Well, I'm sorry my parents didn't make me pick turnips when I was five.
[CHUCKLES.]
Plus, I chip in everything I make giving guitar lessons.
And I appreciate it.
I'm I'm just saying, like, you always want to do take-out instead of just making dinner.
'Cause we can't cook.
- Yeah.
- Remember the salmon, Emmy? It's not just that.
Like, you're always going out to clubs, and that adds up.
Getting drinks with managers is how I network for my band.
And I have to keep up with them, and they are all alcoholics.
I'm sorry.
[SIGHS.]
Just It's crazy in here, and the mall bathroom really bummed me out.
I'll get the Space Destroyer for Donny.
Star Destroyer.
Why would you want to destroy space? [CHUCKLES.]
Why would you want to do any of it? [CHUCKLES.]
Just so you know, I'm only short on cash because I spent all my savings on a, uh, engagement ring for her.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Lucky girl.
Thanks.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, you were kidding.
Hi-dee-ho there.
I mean, just hi.
Hi.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hello.
How can I help you, Kayla? You know my name? I wrote it on your cup ten minutes ago.
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah.
There it is.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's It's great handwriting.
I give you an A in penmanship.
[CHUCKLES.]
I doff my cap.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [SIGHS.]
- So did you want anything? No.
No, I'm just curious about you your job.
Your job.
- How do you like it? - [GROANS.]
It's crazy with the holidays.
But I just broke up with my girlfriend, so being busy helps keep my mind off it.
Oh, no.
I just split up with my partner.
Look at us.
[CHUCKLES.]
We're break-up besties.
[LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[KRISTEN.]
Hey, look.
You don't need to be shy.
It's pretty obvious why you're here.
[SIGHS.]
It is? The nice outfit.
Asking about my work.
Here's a job application.
Fill it out, and then we'll do an interview.
Thanks so much! [CHUCKLES.]
So, what are we thinking? I don't know what we are thinking, but I am thinking, "Don't rush me, Sean.
" I'm looking for a gift.
For a colleague.
Personalized key chain.
Boom.
What's his name? Nancy.
Oh.
The Nancy you watched the game with yesterday? Mm-hmm.
- Cool.
- Hmm.
- Nice.
- Hmm.
- Okay.
- Hmm.
[DON CLEARS THROAT.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
- [MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
- [PHONE CHIMES.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING, MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING, MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[SEAN CHUCKLES.]
Oh, sorry, just, uh [INHALES.]
checking the weather.
Still super cold.
Brr! [KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[HORN HONKS.]
Oh, dear.
Okay, AAA is on the way to fix the tire.
I'm so sorry.
I'm not usually a honker, but parking's insane.
I just quit smoking.
Todd was having a tantrum over a pacifier.
Is this Todd? No.
Todd's my full-grown brother-in-law.
He's a lot, and the baby's a lot, and the holidays are a lot.
- And [PANTING.]
- Oh, it's fine.
You're fine.
Take a breath, dear.
[BOTH EXHALE HEAVILY.]
Okay.
You are doing the best that you can.
And guess what? Your best is good enough.
[EXHALES.]
Butterscotch? Yes, please.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- [JOY SIGHS.]
I can't believe I'm being forced to save Joy a spot in a Santa line.
I'm Jewish, I shouldn't have to do this.
It's one of the perks.
How can you be in a bad mood? I mean, can't you just feel the holiday spirit in the air? [SNEEZES.]
That's not holiday spirit.
That's plague.
[CHUCKLES.]
He's kidding.
Merry Christmas.
Actually, I hope I'm not getting sick.
Are you hot? I'm burning up.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm sorry.
Are you the dentist from those adorable bench ads? "I guaranteeth it.
" Wow.
[TODD AND PATSY CHUCKLE.]
Yes.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yes, I am.
[CHUCKLES.]
Doctor Todd, DDS.
[WOMAN CHUCKLES.]
- Hi.
- Hi.
Wow.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Can you check my gums? They're super inflamed.
I'm a celebrity.
- [LAUGHS.]
- [PATSY CHUCKLES.]
Is there any place in this mall that doesn't smell like Yankee Candle? Oh, no.
Oh, God.
It's Julia Stayman-Fife.
She talked me into mini-bangs in high school.
Made my life a living - Hi! - [GASPS.]
Emmy Quinn! - Julia! - Oh! - Oh! Merry Christmas.
- [CHUCKLES.]
How have you been? So blessed.
I have my own therapy practice.
My husband Hunter is an attorney, and he proposed in Rome and it was bellissima.
[GIGGLES.]
We got married two years ago, and then nine months and just two pushes later boop! [CHUCKLES.]
We are just so, so blessed.
So, how about you? - Uh, Matt and I are also so, so blessed.
- Aww.
I'm a senior project manager at Pricewaterhouse in LA.
La La Land? Fun! [CHUCKLES.]
And what about you, Matt? I'm in a band.
A super successful band.
Yeah.
The Monkey Diplomats.
Ever heard of them? No? That's so weird, because they're huge in LA.
They're on the verge of signing a record deal.
Lots of fans.
Screaming girls.
Kind of a Beatlemania situation.
- [JULIA.]
Whoa! - [CHUCKLES.]
Emmy Quinn, dating a rock star.
Yep.
It almost doesn't seem real.
[MATT CHUCKLES.]
I miss RadioShack.
Dad, we've been to half the mall already.
My thighs are chafed.
I need this gift to be good.
How do you pick out a gift for Joy? I just have her write down a list of five things she wants and I pick three.
The surprise for her is which two she doesn't get.
That doesn't sound very romantic.
Wait.
This gift for Nancy is supposed to be Let's just keep moving, okay? [KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING, MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING, MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING, MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[CELL PHONE RINGS.]
- Hey.
- Get off your phone.
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
- [KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
- [HORN HONKS.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[PHONE CHIMES.]
- [DON.]
Hey, guys.
- [PATSY SIGHS.]
Pats, you okay? I don't know.
I'm super hot.
Sort of feels like I'm standing under a heater.
[GASPS.]
That's perfect.
Thanks, Pats.
You're welcome? By the way, Sean, we've been standing in line for Joy and Margie, AKA your wife and child.
[DON.]
Hurry up, lazy! You want to switch? You have a lovely day.
- [TODD SIGHS.]
- Isn't it possible I'm I'm feeling like this because I'm not okay with my dad dating? It's the first time he's been interested in someone since your mom died.
It's normal to feel a little, you know, freaked out by that.
Oh, God.
- Why don't we get you some air? - What? No.
We can't leave this line.
Quinns don't quit.
Pardon me.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's Dr.
Todd again.
- Hi.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Hey, Dr.
Todd.
Would you mind saving our spot while I take my wife to get some air? It would really help me out.
I guaranteeth it.
[CHUCKLES.]
[WOMAN CHUCKLES.]
Using your bus bench fame to try to manipulate us regular folk is really not cool.
- And you have gingivitis.
- [GASPS.]
I didn't know she could sleep for more than two minutes at a time.
Do me next.
[CHUCKLES.]
You know, one day you're going to miss all this.
Your kids will move off into their own lives and start their own families.
And you're going to look back on this time and realize just how special it was.
That's exactly what I needed to hear right now.
[CHUCKLES.]
Carol, you're like my guardian angel.
Oh, I don't know about that.
Well, I'm so glad we met.
I just hate that it happened like this.
Oh, now don't you go feeling guilty.
It was all my fault.
I'll bet you're a much better driver than most orientals.
Wait, what? It just isn't your people's strong suit.
But you have math.
Damn it, Carol, I thought we had something.
[SPITS.]
I mean, I like it, but is gold too flashy? I don't want to overdo it.
It's a space heater, Dad.
I don't think you can overdo it.
Maybe go with something normal, like chocolate or flowers.
Or again, you can't go wrong with a personalized key chain.
Nope.
It's the perfect gift.
It's got the energy saver and a retractable cord.
She's a beaut.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
[MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING, MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING, MESSAGE TRANSMITS.]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING.]
Hey, is it crazy to get the Caramel Pecan Bons and the BonBites? Oh, and also, are you embarrassed of me? What? No, of course not.
Okay, because, you know, in the span of one mall visit you basically said I don't have enough money or success.
I compared you to The Beatles.
[SIGHS.]
Okay.
Um I guess sometimes I worry about our financial stability and the future.
- Well, so do I.
- Well, not as much as I do.
[SCOFFS.]
Well, you got that right.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, one of us has to.
I insist.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hi.
Can we have, uh, two classic CinnaCombos, please? Yeah.
Hmm? Hmm.
[REGISTER BEEPS.]
[SIGHS.]
"Declined.
" [LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
Cool timing, universe.
So, yeah, it can be tiring, but you get to spell rude people's names wrong on their cups.
They get so mad.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
So, uh, tell me about your experience.
Oh.
Oh, um I don't really have much per se.
- Okay.
- Um I mean, I kissed a girl in a play once, but I never really had Oh! Oh, oh, oh, work experience.
[KAYLA CHUCKLES.]
That makes more sense.
Um Uh I'm I'm in commercial real estate.
Then why are you applying to be a barista? [CHUCKLES.]
Look.
I'm not here for a job.
I, um I find you muy interesante.
Oh! Wow.
Um [CLEARS THROAT.]
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm very flattered.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
But to be honest, you're not my type.
Fun and beautiful? Okay.
But thank you for your interest in me and Peet's Coffee.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Happy holidays.
You too! Bye now.
Love you.
Oh, my God.
Hey, guys.
Is Pats okay? - I'm okay.
- She says she's okay.
She somehow looks pale and flushed at the same time.
- I'm fine.
- She says she's fine.
Hey, guys.
Oh, hey.
So how'd it go with the barista? Well, I need to find a new mall, so that's cool.
[SIGHS.]
She, uh She said I wasn't her type.
[SCOFFS.]
Fun and beautiful? I know, right? Hey.
Um I'm sorry about Today was weird.
I'm sorry too.
Are we okay? 'Cause it felt like there was some real stuff coming out today and, you know, when we were caroling too.
No, I know.
But I think it's just, like, the stress of the holidays and being around my family all the time.
Hey, can we sneak out tonight? You know, grab a drink.
Just the two of us.
We can't.
Tonight we wrap gifts.
Then we watch It's a Wonderful Life.
Then my dad has to leave early so he can pretend he's not crying.
Well, we tried.
I'm gonna go use the little boys' room.
- Don't tell your dad I called it that.
- No.
[PANTING.]
Pats! Todd! - Oh.
- [JOY SIGHS.]
Thanks so much.
I appreciate it.
[SIGHS.]
I appreciate all of you.
I should say that more often.
Or maybe I shouldn't.
I don't know.
Damn it, Carol.
Okay, mission accomplished.
Let's go! Why is everybody looking at me like it's the end of It's a Wonderful Life? I, uh I might have told them about Nancy.
So you've been gossiping about me like a bunch of biddies in a beauty shop? [SIGHS.]
What's the general consensus? It's so good, Dad.
We're so happy for you, Dad.
I think it's great.
I just I-I didn't want you to feel Your mom I-I still - Dad, we want you to be happy.
- feel So if Nancy makes you happy, then you have to go for it.
'Cause Quinns don't quit.
[DON CHUCKLES.]
But can we talk about the space heater? - [KAYLA GROANS.]
- Not good, Dad.
Yeah, no.
It's It's bad.
Your mom always said that the key to being in a good relationship is being a good listener, and Nancy mentioned that her feet get cold at the nurse's desk.
So, I just thought that I'd like to try to - keep her warm.
- Aww.
- Look at this guy! - That's so sweet, Dad.
All right.
Okay.
Pull yourselves together, all right? Come on.
Let's get out of here.
Come on.
- Yes.
- Let's get you home, huh? - Yeah.
- Oh! Or maybe to a doctor.
I didn't quit.
- No, you didn't, sweetie.
- Yeah.
Come on.
Let's go.
[SIGHS.]
I'm gonna have to take a series of buses home, aren't I? Not if you run.
[SIGHS.]
[EXHALES.]
[EXHALES.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
[DON.]
Oh.
Hello [CHUCKLES.]
Bryan.
Don Quinn.
We met watching the Eagles.
- I'm just messing with you, Don.
- Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
That was good.
[INHALES.]
Is your mom home? Oh, shoot.
No, you just missed her.
[DON.]
Oh.
Would it be okay if I left this for her? Well, of course.
I'll make sure she gets it.
[DON EXHALES.]
Great.
Merry Christmas.
You too, Don.
Good night.
See you.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
I can't wait to tell everyone.
Let's do it tomorrow before midnight mass.
Okay.
For now, I I just want this for us.
[CHUCKLES.]
[BOTH EXHALE.]
[PATSY CHUCKLES.]