Mr Pickles (2013) s01e05 Episode Script
Dead Man's Curve
1 My chest hurts.
- Nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh.
- Yeah, shut up, bitch.
Move it, fleabag.
- Hi! - Shut up, loser.
I'm not a loser Mr.
Pickles! S01E05 Dead Man's Curve Good idea, boy.
This is gonna be - the best soap box derby ever.
- Oh.
Dad? I'm not bringing you food anymore.
I can't leave my room.
Last time I took a shower, Mr.
Pickles replaced my soap with a human face.
Aah! Aah! I used my gardening gloves, and they were filled with a human face! I opened up my book, and out fell a human face! Mr.
Pickles is evil.
Why won't anybody believe me! - Ohh.
- Ooh, sorry, honey.
I'm late! Aren't you gonna have breakfast? - Some of us have jobs to get to.
- Taking care of this house is a job, too.
Good one, honey.
- Bye! Off to work! - Oh! Not only does Miravac 2000 come with a warranty, but it's cordless! We're off to check out the racecourse, mom! - Tommy, the mess! - Let me get that.
We don't want anybody to think mom's not doing her job.
- Huh.
Maybe we do.
- Okay.
Oh, a lot of dogs are scared by vacuums.
- Ah! - Watch! - I'll take it! - Sheriff is Setting up the cones putting 'em on the track Whoever wins I'll pat 'em on the head - Shello, Tommy! - Oh, hi, sheriff! You're welcome to do some test runs With the other boys shwee! You'll never make it around - dead man's curve.
- Dead man's curve? They call it that 'cause it's a curve.
And if you go off, you'll be dead, man.
I'm not worried! My car's tip-top! Whee! Uh-oh! Oh, no! But be careful About dead man's curve Whoa! Oh! Oh! Oh! Whoa, oh! Ooh! Whew, glad I wore a helmet.
- Do another one.
- Oh, all right.
"Goodman, if you don't make a sale, - you're fired!" - Goodman! Oh, boss! That was perfect.
- Huh? - I've got something to do.
So I want you to sit in my office today.
And if anyone calls, just pretend you're me.
And don't screw it up or I'm fired? Hey, Mrs.
Goodman! - What you doing? - Showing Stanley what it would be like if I didn't have a job.
- Food fight! - Ooh! You girls are crazy.
- Jell-o fight! - I'm taking the vacuum to the movies! Bye! Egg fight! Chair fight! Look! Aah! - Aah! - Who are you? They call me "the kid" 'cause back then, I was the coolest kid in old town.
There was one dame who had my heart Sally Wilton.
Oh, she had me all doll dizzy.
But someone else had his eyes on her - Donny "Skids" McGeelton.
- No! We decided we'd race for her heart.
But they always said I'd combed too hard.
And that night, they were right.
- No! - The kid! And since then, I I've been trying to get out of this seat belt.
Oh, the thought of Sally is what's kept me alive.
Well, that and rats.
So how'd you get down here? I wrecked my car before the soap box derby race.
Help me get my Sally back, and I'll help you build a new car.
But how will you get free? - What the I'm free! - I'm lookin' for the guy - who's been stealin' my Wi-Fi.
- You lookin' for me? Pipe down! - You suck! - I know! It really sucks! Get it? Hello? This is boss.
I'm calling with your daily report on Mr.
Goodman.
He's not at his desk.
Can I have a jelly bean now? Yes, but no more reports on Goodman, okay? Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Ah.
Table fight! Wall fight! Ooh, ow.
These things fight! Things sure have changed.
Oh, no! Cover up your knees, you whore! There's children out here.
But Sally's house looks just the same.
Get off of the sidewalk! Aah! Wow.
Hey, what are you doing? Aah! Come in! Sally! Don't tell What! - You're not the pizza man.
- The thought of you is all that's kept me alive for 70 years.
He had to eat rats and drink their pee! Let me do this one, kid.
I swore that if I survived, - I'd come back and ask you to ma - What? Hey! Where's the freakin' pizza, yo? - Hey, playa.
- Skids? The kid?! We thought you were dead.
The kid?! You lookin' gross! - You two are married? - Nah, we just - friends with benefits, kid.
- Spank it, daddy.
Ew.
Wha?! Work it, twerk it, drop it, lock it.
You know I love it when you wobble-do-wobble that booty - on me, you little cluck-cluck.
- What is your mouth doing? I'm tic-tac-toein' that ho, know what I mean? - 'Sup? - What does "'sup" mean? It means "what's poppin'?" Like, "how you doin'?" - Well, not good.
- I wasn't really asking, playboy.
Then why did you ask me? I think you done slid down a mountain full of razor blades, climbed a building butt naked, and tongue kissed a lizard - 'cause you wack, son! - Yeah, you wack.
everything is over Oh, I'm not cool anymore.
and I'm feeling bad - I'm all washed up.
- Wait! That's it! If we get you all washed up, we could go back and try again.
ever had Ah-ah.
a wild sort of devil But dead on the level was my gal sal Sink fight! - Oh! Linda! - Oh.
I just wanted Stanley to see what it's like if I don't do my job.
- But I can't fix this myself.
- Oh! I know how to fix it.
- Hey, baby! - Uh - Hey, babies.
Whoa, yeah! - Oh, God, no.
- Ooh, ooh, ooh.
- Please stop.
Now let's get your Sally back so we can - build my soapbox car.
- Let's go, daddy-o! - Watch out! - Oh.
Aah, whee! I'm back! The kid is back! Oh! - Aah! - Whoa! - Are we taking a nap now? - Tommy? - What are you doing? - What's Linda doing? - Uh, I don't know.
- Please, stop.
We'll do anything.
This is the boss.
Just checking in on you.
I love you.
- I love you, too.
- You never say "I love you.
" - Who is this? - I You better find him before I do! Huh? Uh, Floyd? Uh, tell me where I'd be if I wasn't in my office.
- Oh! - Boss! - Goodman! - You gotta You gotta get out of here.
I'm free for the first time in months! - I said no games! - No, no! - And who's this?! - Hi.
I said stop playing that game! No! I wanna play the game! Aah! You looking for me? But he was gonna help me build a new soapbox car.
He's just going to rest for a while.
Yeah, 'cause he's dead.
- Help me! - Huh? - Take me to the hospital.
- Get out of there! - Beverly? - Stanley? - Aah! - Whoa! Tommy! Aah! Help! I'm going too fast! Gotcha! Huh? - Hey! - Shand they're off! Huh? Whoa! Whoa, whoa! Huh? Hi! Bye! Uh-oh.
I'll never make it! Mr.
Pickles? Whoa! Oh, whoa! Yay! Looks like this belongs to you.
And this belongs to me! I - love you.
- Thanks.
- Tommy! - Are you okay? I'm even better than okay! I'm good boy, Mr.
Pickles.
I'm back! Aah! Please, stop.
- We did what you asked! - Hey! Get back here! - Let's get out of here! - Ohh.
Oh, looks like you missed a spot.
- Oh, that's it! - Uh-oh.
Mr.
Pickles stole my vacuum.
Tell me we're through where's my face? - Hi, Will.
- Hi Dave.
- Nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh.
- Yeah, shut up, bitch.
Move it, fleabag.
- Hi! - Shut up, loser.
I'm not a loser Mr.
Pickles! S01E05 Dead Man's Curve Good idea, boy.
This is gonna be - the best soap box derby ever.
- Oh.
Dad? I'm not bringing you food anymore.
I can't leave my room.
Last time I took a shower, Mr.
Pickles replaced my soap with a human face.
Aah! Aah! I used my gardening gloves, and they were filled with a human face! I opened up my book, and out fell a human face! Mr.
Pickles is evil.
Why won't anybody believe me! - Ohh.
- Ooh, sorry, honey.
I'm late! Aren't you gonna have breakfast? - Some of us have jobs to get to.
- Taking care of this house is a job, too.
Good one, honey.
- Bye! Off to work! - Oh! Not only does Miravac 2000 come with a warranty, but it's cordless! We're off to check out the racecourse, mom! - Tommy, the mess! - Let me get that.
We don't want anybody to think mom's not doing her job.
- Huh.
Maybe we do.
- Okay.
Oh, a lot of dogs are scared by vacuums.
- Ah! - Watch! - I'll take it! - Sheriff is Setting up the cones putting 'em on the track Whoever wins I'll pat 'em on the head - Shello, Tommy! - Oh, hi, sheriff! You're welcome to do some test runs With the other boys shwee! You'll never make it around - dead man's curve.
- Dead man's curve? They call it that 'cause it's a curve.
And if you go off, you'll be dead, man.
I'm not worried! My car's tip-top! Whee! Uh-oh! Oh, no! But be careful About dead man's curve Whoa! Oh! Oh! Oh! Whoa, oh! Ooh! Whew, glad I wore a helmet.
- Do another one.
- Oh, all right.
"Goodman, if you don't make a sale, - you're fired!" - Goodman! Oh, boss! That was perfect.
- Huh? - I've got something to do.
So I want you to sit in my office today.
And if anyone calls, just pretend you're me.
And don't screw it up or I'm fired? Hey, Mrs.
Goodman! - What you doing? - Showing Stanley what it would be like if I didn't have a job.
- Food fight! - Ooh! You girls are crazy.
- Jell-o fight! - I'm taking the vacuum to the movies! Bye! Egg fight! Chair fight! Look! Aah! - Aah! - Who are you? They call me "the kid" 'cause back then, I was the coolest kid in old town.
There was one dame who had my heart Sally Wilton.
Oh, she had me all doll dizzy.
But someone else had his eyes on her - Donny "Skids" McGeelton.
- No! We decided we'd race for her heart.
But they always said I'd combed too hard.
And that night, they were right.
- No! - The kid! And since then, I I've been trying to get out of this seat belt.
Oh, the thought of Sally is what's kept me alive.
Well, that and rats.
So how'd you get down here? I wrecked my car before the soap box derby race.
Help me get my Sally back, and I'll help you build a new car.
But how will you get free? - What the I'm free! - I'm lookin' for the guy - who's been stealin' my Wi-Fi.
- You lookin' for me? Pipe down! - You suck! - I know! It really sucks! Get it? Hello? This is boss.
I'm calling with your daily report on Mr.
Goodman.
He's not at his desk.
Can I have a jelly bean now? Yes, but no more reports on Goodman, okay? Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Ah.
Table fight! Wall fight! Ooh, ow.
These things fight! Things sure have changed.
Oh, no! Cover up your knees, you whore! There's children out here.
But Sally's house looks just the same.
Get off of the sidewalk! Aah! Wow.
Hey, what are you doing? Aah! Come in! Sally! Don't tell What! - You're not the pizza man.
- The thought of you is all that's kept me alive for 70 years.
He had to eat rats and drink their pee! Let me do this one, kid.
I swore that if I survived, - I'd come back and ask you to ma - What? Hey! Where's the freakin' pizza, yo? - Hey, playa.
- Skids? The kid?! We thought you were dead.
The kid?! You lookin' gross! - You two are married? - Nah, we just - friends with benefits, kid.
- Spank it, daddy.
Ew.
Wha?! Work it, twerk it, drop it, lock it.
You know I love it when you wobble-do-wobble that booty - on me, you little cluck-cluck.
- What is your mouth doing? I'm tic-tac-toein' that ho, know what I mean? - 'Sup? - What does "'sup" mean? It means "what's poppin'?" Like, "how you doin'?" - Well, not good.
- I wasn't really asking, playboy.
Then why did you ask me? I think you done slid down a mountain full of razor blades, climbed a building butt naked, and tongue kissed a lizard - 'cause you wack, son! - Yeah, you wack.
everything is over Oh, I'm not cool anymore.
and I'm feeling bad - I'm all washed up.
- Wait! That's it! If we get you all washed up, we could go back and try again.
ever had Ah-ah.
a wild sort of devil But dead on the level was my gal sal Sink fight! - Oh! Linda! - Oh.
I just wanted Stanley to see what it's like if I don't do my job.
- But I can't fix this myself.
- Oh! I know how to fix it.
- Hey, baby! - Uh - Hey, babies.
Whoa, yeah! - Oh, God, no.
- Ooh, ooh, ooh.
- Please stop.
Now let's get your Sally back so we can - build my soapbox car.
- Let's go, daddy-o! - Watch out! - Oh.
Aah, whee! I'm back! The kid is back! Oh! - Aah! - Whoa! - Are we taking a nap now? - Tommy? - What are you doing? - What's Linda doing? - Uh, I don't know.
- Please, stop.
We'll do anything.
This is the boss.
Just checking in on you.
I love you.
- I love you, too.
- You never say "I love you.
" - Who is this? - I You better find him before I do! Huh? Uh, Floyd? Uh, tell me where I'd be if I wasn't in my office.
- Oh! - Boss! - Goodman! - You gotta You gotta get out of here.
I'm free for the first time in months! - I said no games! - No, no! - And who's this?! - Hi.
I said stop playing that game! No! I wanna play the game! Aah! You looking for me? But he was gonna help me build a new soapbox car.
He's just going to rest for a while.
Yeah, 'cause he's dead.
- Help me! - Huh? - Take me to the hospital.
- Get out of there! - Beverly? - Stanley? - Aah! - Whoa! Tommy! Aah! Help! I'm going too fast! Gotcha! Huh? - Hey! - Shand they're off! Huh? Whoa! Whoa, whoa! Huh? Hi! Bye! Uh-oh.
I'll never make it! Mr.
Pickles? Whoa! Oh, whoa! Yay! Looks like this belongs to you.
And this belongs to me! I - love you.
- Thanks.
- Tommy! - Are you okay? I'm even better than okay! I'm good boy, Mr.
Pickles.
I'm back! Aah! Please, stop.
- We did what you asked! - Hey! Get back here! - Let's get out of here! - Ohh.
Oh, looks like you missed a spot.
- Oh, that's it! - Uh-oh.
Mr.
Pickles stole my vacuum.
Tell me we're through where's my face? - Hi, Will.
- Hi Dave.