Mr Pickles (2013) s01e07 Episode Script
Grandpa's Night Out
1 Oh, yeah.
What? Huh.
Idiot.
- I'm Ron Bolton's guy.
- Your target's playing bingo tomorrow night.
I'm gonna miss grammy, but I can't wait to get my inheritance! First thing I'm gonna do is get my butthole bleached.
Mind if I shoot her in the face? Sure.
- Oh, my butthole! - Mr.
Pickles! S01E07 Grandpa's Night Out Huh? What happened last night? Somebody's excited - this morning.
- Wow! - I wish I had muscles like him.
- Well, this wrestling is just fakery.
Last night, Mr.
Pickles Dad, please.
Not another "evil Mr.
Pickles" story! Actually, me and Mr.
Pickles had a good time last night.
I woke up, and he was pouring whiskey in my mouth.
Hey! What are you well! That's pretty good.
He convinced me to head to the tavern.
We had a real hoot.
We stayed till they kicked us out.
But Mr.
Pickles wanted more drinks.
Last thing I remember is, uh, - seeing your friend Linda.
- Hi, grandpa.
I guess that's all I remember.
Maybe Mr.
Pickles doesn't want to torment me anymore.
- Morning, baby! - Huh? You was an animal last night! Linda? Is that my mother's wedding ring? Huh? - We's married.
- What?! - We got married?! - Yay! New grandma! Now, come upstairs! I got to get out of this.
Marriage is a serious commitment that you need to honor.
Wha you! Welp, congratulations.
- Bye, dear.
- Huh? - Ohhhhhh! - I'm Ron Bolton, and I can - take care all your legal needs.
- Great! What do I do? If your wife falls for one of my undercover seducers, then you claim infidelity and get your divorce.
- Perfect! - But now act like everything's wonderful.
Got it? And remember we do validate for parking.
Parking validation covers 15 minutes or less.
Huh? Linda, don't We movin' in.
Meet your new daughter Linda Jr.
aah! Wonderful.
- Hi! - Thank you for your gracious hospitality.
Y'all got everything too spread out.
If you pile it in the corner, then you can make room for a floor fire or a squirrel pit.
Uh, this is still my house.
Don't you back-talk me! You don't want me taking my shoe off.
That's a flipper, not a shoe! Uh, everything's wonderful.
This marriage is a disaster! Marriage is a serious commitment that you need to honor! Oh.
Aah! Aah! Thanks for showing me around, Tommy.
One, two! Take this.
Take that! Take this! Huh? Nice costumes! Can we wrestle with you? You can't wrestle with those legs.
Ohh! Yeah, you crippled loser! Oh, I hate my leg braces.
Nobody's perfect.
I have a thumb growing out of my bellybutton.
Wow! That doesn't stop me from being happy.
You just have to be yourself.
- Please don't touch it.
- Ron Bolton - pool cleaning.
- She's upstairs.
Huh? Got to mark my territory! Now I know where to smell it on Huh? Oh, my goodness! Gotcha! Huh? Ooh! We 'bout to get real freaky, daddy! Huh? Where am I? Aah! Did you seduce her yet? This is Ron Bolton.
Who am I talking to? Hello? Attention, everyone! Now we're pushing crusher dolls, and you better sell.
Or you'll be crushed by the Crusher! Ahhh! - Rawr! - Sorry, ma'am.
Yes You say you want to buy 100 crusher dolls? We'll get those right over to you! Crushed! - Oh, wow.
- Come on.
- The phone wasn't even on - Crusher! I'm inviting you all to my match tonight.
Ahhh! - Crusher! - What do you mean, he disappeared? I can't hold her off much longer.
Just do what I say, and you'll be divorced faster than you can say Anything I say can't be held against me in a court of law.
Now, here's the plan.
I have something to show you.
Gloria, here, has hands but no arms.
But that doesn't stop me from - making the best thongs in town.
- But where'd her arms go? This is Barry.
- He's got webbed feet.
- But that doesn't stop me from - building with metal.
- Uh-huh.
- But where'd that lady's arms go? - This is Dan.
- Hi.
- He's normal.
But that doesn't stop my sister from being the best junkyard dog in town.
Aah! See? We can do anything.
- You just have to be yourself.
- So, you guys can do anything? Hooray! So you can make me a wrestling costume to cover up my leg braces so no one will think I'm a cripple anymore! - Hooray! - Ohhh! Ohhh! - Aah! - Aah! Uh This fancy.
Now gimme some of that thing! Come on, Ron Bolton! Don't stare, now, sheriff.
It ain't manners.
- I want ice cream, mama.
- You know a sheriff don't get no ice cream unless he cracks a big case.
- Mama, I love you.
- Why, thank you, sheriff.
- You're a very nice boy.
- Now can I have some ice cream? - You're trying to trick me, aren't you? - grandpa loves his lady, baby No! Linda gonna drink him up like bird eggs 'n' gravy - Huh? - Dad, I had to tell you I'm sorry I haven't been supportive of you and Linda.
- Shall we dance? - No! She's not the Why, yes.
I'd love to support Linda's lovely voice.
No! - Yeah - Crusher! Hey! It's that leg-brace kid from before! Cool costume.
Ditch those weirdos and hang with us.
- Hey! Who you calling "weird"? - He doesn't want to hang out - with you jerks.
- Okay! Bye! Oh, me and grandpa naked in butters How about we get back to our table? Oh! That's enough! Hey! No! Give it a minute.
- Then we catch them in the act.
- That's not my wife! - That's my wife! - I wanna have se-e-e-e-e-x - Gonna wash grandpa down - Ohh! She's an unseducible.
They sometimes require extreme measures.
Some assembly required.
- Hey! Get off me! - Admit it.
- You want my heart inside of you.
- No! Hey! Where you going? Huh? Ohh! What's going on here? Some man just tried to attack me.
- And who's this? - Oh, all right! - I hired a guy to seduce Linda.
- You hired - Oh! How could you? - Little wedding present for you tickets to tonight's wrestling event.
Tickets nonrefundable.
This is part of my plan.
- Whoo! - Linda, wait! Mama, I'm the sheriff.
I want ice cream.
You know the rules.
Now, finish your sketti, or you don't get to see those wrestlers.
Ah! I did it.
Crusher! Hah! This is ridiculous.
Fake.
Aah! Fake! Hah! It's fa-a-a-a-a-ke! Uh-oh.
Well, come up here and see how fake it is! Linda, wait! He doesn't love you! - Huh? - Oh, that's it! - I'm 'bout to whup your ass! - Linda! - Ladies! - Y-yeah, the one with the flipper.
Mind if I shoot her in the face? - Who wants to see him crushed?! - N-no, no! - Hah! - Uh - Hey! That's my dad! - Your dad's a loser.
I'll save you, dad! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! - I'm coming! - Take this! And that! Linda, no! Listen to me! - Honey? - They love me, honey! They love me! Punch! Kick! - No! - Yi! Yi! Yi! Yi! Yi! Yi! Oh, no! I didn't know your plan was to kill her! Hmm? Aah! Ohh! Mama, somebody keeps pointing a laser at me.
Hey, what are you doing?! You ain't taking me out! - I am Mr.
Goodman! - Oh! - I'm almost there, dad! - Crusher! Aah! Somebody save me! Oh, that's enough! Ugh! - Aah! - N-o-o-o-o-o! No! don't hurt her! - Aah! - She deserves better than this! - But - Aaaah! Aaaaaaaah! Unh! Hi, grandpa.
Ooh, grandpa! I do! Mr.
Pickles! Grandpa, we gonna need a divorce! I can't be havin' nothin' come between me and my best friend.
- Prepare to be crushed! - Hey! - Leave my dad alone! - Oh, no! Fake I knew it! Linda Jr.
was right.
- I just have to be yourself.
- Ew! Nobody gets over on Ron Bolton! - Freeze right there, murderer! - What?! I didn't kill him! Oh, you didn't? Well, have a good day.
Huh? Huh? Huh.
You're under arrest! Good night, Agnes.
Ahhh.
Huh? Hey.
You an animal last night.
Mr
What? Huh.
Idiot.
- I'm Ron Bolton's guy.
- Your target's playing bingo tomorrow night.
I'm gonna miss grammy, but I can't wait to get my inheritance! First thing I'm gonna do is get my butthole bleached.
Mind if I shoot her in the face? Sure.
- Oh, my butthole! - Mr.
Pickles! S01E07 Grandpa's Night Out Huh? What happened last night? Somebody's excited - this morning.
- Wow! - I wish I had muscles like him.
- Well, this wrestling is just fakery.
Last night, Mr.
Pickles Dad, please.
Not another "evil Mr.
Pickles" story! Actually, me and Mr.
Pickles had a good time last night.
I woke up, and he was pouring whiskey in my mouth.
Hey! What are you well! That's pretty good.
He convinced me to head to the tavern.
We had a real hoot.
We stayed till they kicked us out.
But Mr.
Pickles wanted more drinks.
Last thing I remember is, uh, - seeing your friend Linda.
- Hi, grandpa.
I guess that's all I remember.
Maybe Mr.
Pickles doesn't want to torment me anymore.
- Morning, baby! - Huh? You was an animal last night! Linda? Is that my mother's wedding ring? Huh? - We's married.
- What?! - We got married?! - Yay! New grandma! Now, come upstairs! I got to get out of this.
Marriage is a serious commitment that you need to honor.
Wha you! Welp, congratulations.
- Bye, dear.
- Huh? - Ohhhhhh! - I'm Ron Bolton, and I can - take care all your legal needs.
- Great! What do I do? If your wife falls for one of my undercover seducers, then you claim infidelity and get your divorce.
- Perfect! - But now act like everything's wonderful.
Got it? And remember we do validate for parking.
Parking validation covers 15 minutes or less.
Huh? Linda, don't We movin' in.
Meet your new daughter Linda Jr.
aah! Wonderful.
- Hi! - Thank you for your gracious hospitality.
Y'all got everything too spread out.
If you pile it in the corner, then you can make room for a floor fire or a squirrel pit.
Uh, this is still my house.
Don't you back-talk me! You don't want me taking my shoe off.
That's a flipper, not a shoe! Uh, everything's wonderful.
This marriage is a disaster! Marriage is a serious commitment that you need to honor! Oh.
Aah! Aah! Thanks for showing me around, Tommy.
One, two! Take this.
Take that! Take this! Huh? Nice costumes! Can we wrestle with you? You can't wrestle with those legs.
Ohh! Yeah, you crippled loser! Oh, I hate my leg braces.
Nobody's perfect.
I have a thumb growing out of my bellybutton.
Wow! That doesn't stop me from being happy.
You just have to be yourself.
- Please don't touch it.
- Ron Bolton - pool cleaning.
- She's upstairs.
Huh? Got to mark my territory! Now I know where to smell it on Huh? Oh, my goodness! Gotcha! Huh? Ooh! We 'bout to get real freaky, daddy! Huh? Where am I? Aah! Did you seduce her yet? This is Ron Bolton.
Who am I talking to? Hello? Attention, everyone! Now we're pushing crusher dolls, and you better sell.
Or you'll be crushed by the Crusher! Ahhh! - Rawr! - Sorry, ma'am.
Yes You say you want to buy 100 crusher dolls? We'll get those right over to you! Crushed! - Oh, wow.
- Come on.
- The phone wasn't even on - Crusher! I'm inviting you all to my match tonight.
Ahhh! - Crusher! - What do you mean, he disappeared? I can't hold her off much longer.
Just do what I say, and you'll be divorced faster than you can say Anything I say can't be held against me in a court of law.
Now, here's the plan.
I have something to show you.
Gloria, here, has hands but no arms.
But that doesn't stop me from - making the best thongs in town.
- But where'd her arms go? This is Barry.
- He's got webbed feet.
- But that doesn't stop me from - building with metal.
- Uh-huh.
- But where'd that lady's arms go? - This is Dan.
- Hi.
- He's normal.
But that doesn't stop my sister from being the best junkyard dog in town.
Aah! See? We can do anything.
- You just have to be yourself.
- So, you guys can do anything? Hooray! So you can make me a wrestling costume to cover up my leg braces so no one will think I'm a cripple anymore! - Hooray! - Ohhh! Ohhh! - Aah! - Aah! Uh This fancy.
Now gimme some of that thing! Come on, Ron Bolton! Don't stare, now, sheriff.
It ain't manners.
- I want ice cream, mama.
- You know a sheriff don't get no ice cream unless he cracks a big case.
- Mama, I love you.
- Why, thank you, sheriff.
- You're a very nice boy.
- Now can I have some ice cream? - You're trying to trick me, aren't you? - grandpa loves his lady, baby No! Linda gonna drink him up like bird eggs 'n' gravy - Huh? - Dad, I had to tell you I'm sorry I haven't been supportive of you and Linda.
- Shall we dance? - No! She's not the Why, yes.
I'd love to support Linda's lovely voice.
No! - Yeah - Crusher! Hey! It's that leg-brace kid from before! Cool costume.
Ditch those weirdos and hang with us.
- Hey! Who you calling "weird"? - He doesn't want to hang out - with you jerks.
- Okay! Bye! Oh, me and grandpa naked in butters How about we get back to our table? Oh! That's enough! Hey! No! Give it a minute.
- Then we catch them in the act.
- That's not my wife! - That's my wife! - I wanna have se-e-e-e-e-x - Gonna wash grandpa down - Ohh! She's an unseducible.
They sometimes require extreme measures.
Some assembly required.
- Hey! Get off me! - Admit it.
- You want my heart inside of you.
- No! Hey! Where you going? Huh? Ohh! What's going on here? Some man just tried to attack me.
- And who's this? - Oh, all right! - I hired a guy to seduce Linda.
- You hired - Oh! How could you? - Little wedding present for you tickets to tonight's wrestling event.
Tickets nonrefundable.
This is part of my plan.
- Whoo! - Linda, wait! Mama, I'm the sheriff.
I want ice cream.
You know the rules.
Now, finish your sketti, or you don't get to see those wrestlers.
Ah! I did it.
Crusher! Hah! This is ridiculous.
Fake.
Aah! Fake! Hah! It's fa-a-a-a-a-ke! Uh-oh.
Well, come up here and see how fake it is! Linda, wait! He doesn't love you! - Huh? - Oh, that's it! - I'm 'bout to whup your ass! - Linda! - Ladies! - Y-yeah, the one with the flipper.
Mind if I shoot her in the face? - Who wants to see him crushed?! - N-no, no! - Hah! - Uh - Hey! That's my dad! - Your dad's a loser.
I'll save you, dad! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! - I'm coming! - Take this! And that! Linda, no! Listen to me! - Honey? - They love me, honey! They love me! Punch! Kick! - No! - Yi! Yi! Yi! Yi! Yi! Yi! Oh, no! I didn't know your plan was to kill her! Hmm? Aah! Ohh! Mama, somebody keeps pointing a laser at me.
Hey, what are you doing?! You ain't taking me out! - I am Mr.
Goodman! - Oh! - I'm almost there, dad! - Crusher! Aah! Somebody save me! Oh, that's enough! Ugh! - Aah! - N-o-o-o-o-o! No! don't hurt her! - Aah! - She deserves better than this! - But - Aaaah! Aaaaaaaah! Unh! Hi, grandpa.
Ooh, grandpa! I do! Mr.
Pickles! Grandpa, we gonna need a divorce! I can't be havin' nothin' come between me and my best friend.
- Prepare to be crushed! - Hey! - Leave my dad alone! - Oh, no! Fake I knew it! Linda Jr.
was right.
- I just have to be yourself.
- Ew! Nobody gets over on Ron Bolton! - Freeze right there, murderer! - What?! I didn't kill him! Oh, you didn't? Well, have a good day.
Huh? Huh? Huh.
You're under arrest! Good night, Agnes.
Ahhh.
Huh? Hey.
You an animal last night.
Mr