My Life as a Teenage Robot (2003) s01e01 Episode Script

It Came From Next Door; Pest Control

1 (Jenny) 5:00, GET A CALL TO GO BLADING AT THE SKATE PARK DOWN BY THE MALL, BUT MY MOM SAYS I GOTTA PREVEN HOSTILE ALIENS FROM ANNIHILATING US ALL.
HYAH! WITH THE STRENGTH OF A MILLION AND 70 MEN, I GUESS I REALLY SHOULDN'T COMPLAIN.
STILL, I WISH I COULD GO FOR A WALK WITHOUT RUSTING IN THE RAIN.
IT'S ENOUGH TO FRY MY BRAIN.
SO WELCOME TO MY LIFE AS A TEENAGE ROBOT, THE STORY OF MY LIFE AS A TEENAGE ROBOT.
MY TEENAGE ROBOT LIFE.
Captioning and audio description provided by the U.
S.
Department of Education.
crack! whiiiieeeeee! smash! [boy whistling a tune.]
[whistling.]
plunchq! cha-ching! [whip cracks.]
[knocking.]
[knocking.]
[creaks.]
[scary music.]
[scarier music.]
[even scarier music.]
[the scariest music of all.]
clank! [metal squeaking.]
[music box dinging.]
YAAAAAAHHHH! YEEEEEEEHHH! YAAAAAAAAAH! ptoing! [feet slapping.]
WHOA.
SLOW DOWN THERE, SLUGGER.
YOU SEEM TO BE LIGH ONE BASEBALL.
B-B-BUT-- B-D-D-DUH-B-B-- LET'S TURN AROUND AND TRY THIS ONE MORE TIME.
B-B-B-D-D-G-G? LOOKS LIKE I'LL HAVE TO DO ALL THE TALKING.
[whimpering.]
ROBOT! THERE'S A ROBOT INSIDE! A HIDEOUS, BLOODTHIRSTY ROBOT! TUCK, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? MRS.
WAKEMAN MAY BE WEIRD, BUT SHE'S NO ROBOT.
[clears throat.]
OH, HELLO, MRS.
WAKEMAN.
SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, BUT TUCK HERE SAW SOMETHING FREAKY INSIDE YOUR HOUSE, WHICH HE NEVER SHOULD HAVE SNUCK INTO, BUT HE WENT IN THERE TO GET OUR BASEBALL BACK, WHICH DID NOT DO ANY PERMANENT DAMAGE.
AND, WELL, SOMETHING SCARED HIM.
DID HE RUN INTO YOU? NOT THAT YOU'RE SCARY OR ANYTHING, BUT IN THE RIGHT LIGHT, OR LACK OF LIGHT, OR WITH THE SHADOW AND THE YEAH.
I'M GOING TO GO NOW.
BRAD-- [door slams.]
YOU DIDN'T ASK HER ABOUT THE ROBOT.
WILL YOU QUIT WITH ALL THE STUFF ABOUT A-- [eerie music.]
ROBOT.
YOU WERE SAYING? (Wakeman) XJ9! IT SEEMS THAT SOME YOUNG ROBO HAS FORGOTTEN THE RULES OF THIS HOUSEHOLD.
YOU WERE BUIL FOR ONE PURPOSE: TO PROTECT THE PLANET EARTH.
UNLESS YOU'RE OU SAVING THE WORLD, YOU SHOULD STAY IN YOUR ROOM.
YOU MUST AVOID UNNECESSARY CONTAC WITH THE HUMAN POPULATION, ESPECIALLY TEENAGERS.
DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR, XJ9? JENNY.
UH, WHAT? JENNY! CALL ME JENNY.
I CHANGED MY NAME TO JENNY, REMEMBER? UGH! WHAT'S THE CRISIS, ANYWAY? SO I LEFT MY ROOM FOR FIVE SECONDS.
DO YOU HEAR ANY ALARMS GOING OFF? EVERYTHING'S TOTALLY MELLOW.
OH, REALLY? [alarms going off.]
[giggles sheepishly.]
GEE, I WONDER HOW THAT VOLUME GOT TURNED DOWN.
(Wakeman) THE METEOR MONITOR DETECTS A "C"-CLASS PARTICULATE HEADED STRAIGH FOR THE EARTH.
BIG DEAL.
YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN THAT THING GOES OFF? I COULD SE MY INTERNAL CLOCK BY IT.
THESE METEOR THINGIES ALWAYS BURN UP IN THE ATMOSPHERE.
I GO ALL THE WAY TO OUTER SPACE, AND ALL I END UP SAVING THE WORLD FROM IS THIS.
plop! [bubbling screams.]
YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING BUT SAVE THE EARTH.
WOULD AN AFTERNOON OFF CAUSE ANY HARM? BUT NO, IT'S ALWAYS-- [Wakeman's voice.]
XJ9, bust up that meteor.
Battle those aliens.
But be back in your room before 5:00.
MEANWHILE, NO ONE EVEN KNOWS MY NAME.
I WANT TO HAVE FRIENDS AND HANG OU LIKE NORMAL TEENAGERS DO.
BUT WHO WOULD WAN TO HANG OU WITH A RUSTY HUNK OF METAL LIKE ME? zwwiiit! [explosion.]
OH, HONEY, I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL.
YOUR POWERS ARE STILL DEVELOPING, AND IT'S BOUND TO BE A CONFUSING TIME.
WHEN YOU GE A LITTLE OLDER, YOU'LL SEE THINGS MY WAY.
NOW, BE A GOOD ROBOT, AND GO DESTROY THAT METEOR.
YES, MA'AM.
THAT'S MY XJ9.
MY NAME'S JENNY.
HI, JENNY.
MY NAME'S BRAD.
WOW, A REAL LIVE ROBOT! A REAL LIVE TEENAGER.
[together.]
WHOA! LOOK AT THAT.
AND THOSE.
AND THAT HAIR.
[laughing.]
SO YOU'RE A SUPERHERO WHO GOES AROUND THE WORLD HAVING DEATH-DEFYING ADVENTURES AND DEFEATING DASTARDLY VILLAINS? MM-HMM.
SWEET.
AND YOU'RE A TEENAGER WHO GOES TO HIGH SCHOOL AND MEETS OTHER KIDS AND HANGS OUT WITH THEM? OF COURSE.
COOL.
YOUR ROOM IS EXCELLENT.
WHY IS MRS.
WAKEMAN KEEPING THE WHOLE SETUP A SECRET? MOM! IF SHE FINDS YOU IN HERE, SHE'LL UNPLUG US BOTH.
OKAY, LET'S GO OUTSIDE.
I CAN'T LEAVE.
COME ON.
LET GO-- pop! [metal clanking.]
LET GO OF MY BROTHER, ROBOT! DON'T STRESS IT, TUCK.
JENNY'S COOL.
EXCUSE ME.
WE'RE TALKING ABOU AN EVIL ROBOT CYBORG, NO JE-ENNY.
UH, GUYS, I GOTTA GET BACK NOW.
BUT DON'T YOU WANT TO-- HANG OUT? HANG OUT? THEY WANT TO HANG OU WITH ME? [meteor alarm blaring.]
OH, THESE "C"-CLASS ONES ALWAYS BURN UP IN THE ATMOSPHERE.
[mighty thud.]
LET'S HANG OUT.
[funky music.]
whomp! beep! zwwiiit! whoosh! [sizzling.]
fwooosh! pow! pow! whoosh! whiish! [beeping.]
[rumbling.]
whiiiieeeeee! [tires screeching.]
[magno-energy squealing.]
[slurping.]
[clanking.]
(Brad) HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NOTHING.
NO, YOUR PIGTAILS.
THEY'RE FREAKIN' OUT.
OH, NO.
THAT'S MY REMOTE ALARM.
IT GOES OFF WHEN THE WORLD IS IN CATASTROPHIC DANGER.
I'D BETTER CALL HOME.
[male computer voice.]
Alert.
Alert.
Giant meteor approaching Earth.
OH, NOT THAT AGAIN.
THESE "C"-CLASS WHOSITS ALWAYS BURN UP.
Please note: Meteor will not burn up in atmosphere.
Its mass has been increased by a hacky sack.
Meteor is now "D"-class: planet destroyer.
Five minutes till Earth is destroyed.
OH.
IF THIS "D"-CLASS DINGUS DESTROYS THE EARTH, MOM'LL DISMANTLE ME.
[gears whirring.]
STAND BACK, BOYS.
UH, ROBOT foomp! TUCK, YOU GOTTA ADMIT, FOR AN EVIL ROBOT CYBORG, JENNY'S PRETTY COOL.
TUCKER? [rockets roaring.]
[ominous music.]
[sizzling and crackling.]
[beeping.]
z-z-z-z-z-zap! [explosion.]
foomp! foomp! foomp! clank! clank! clunk! [whirring.]
[world-saving music.]
zip zip zip [grunts.]
[whirring.]
[fire roaring.]
[dramatic musical sting.]
[gasping.]
[panting.]
OOH.
thump! JENNY, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU'VE BARBECUED MY BROTHER.
J-J-J-JUH-- SHH.
TUCK, IT'S OKAY.
JENNY WON' HURT YOU AGAIN.
[gears whirring.]
J-J-J--JUH-JUH-- J-JENNY-- IS SO COOL! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER, BRAD, ALL HER POWERS AND WEAPONS.
SHE TOTALLY WASTED THAT ROCK.
(Wakeman) AND SHE TOTALLY DISOBEYED HER MOTHER.
[Jenny, Tuck, and Brad laughing.]
WELL, SHE'S ALREADY SAVED THE WORLD TODAY.
AN AFTERNOON OFF CAN'T CAUSE MUCH HARM.
[ominous music.]
[spooky accordion music.]
[Tuck laughing.]
OH, MAN, I CAN'T WAIT TO TRY MY NEW SUPER HYPERSONIC DRAG RACING MEAN MACHINE.
OKAY, THE REMOTE CONTROL IS ALL SET.
IS THE TRACK READY? JUST ONE LAS RUN-THROUGH.
LET'S SEE.
UPSIDE-DOWN SHORTCAKE, SUPER TWISTZILLA, THE MEGA-FUDGE BROWNIE, SWOOP-DE-LOOP SOUP, AND THE PIECE DE RESISTANCE: RAGING ROBOTIC PONYTAIL PLUNGE.
click! ping! OKAY, TUCK.
ALL SYSTEMS ARE GO! [techno music.]
[both cheering.]
(Brad) ALL RIGHT.
[whooshing.]
WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE? LOOK OUT! [missile humming.]
[rumbling crash.]
[Jenny gasps.]
[boys gasping.]
[wheel squeaking.]
[growls.]
[lava bubbling.]
UH, JENNY, WE GOTTA GO.
BUT I WAN MY CAR BACK.
DON'T FORGET TO WRITE.
(Wakeman) A SUPERPOWERED ROBO BUILT TO PROTEC THE PLANET, AND YOU TURN YOURSELF INTO A CHILD'S PLAY TOY.
YOU NEED TO TREAT YOUR BODY WITH MORE RESPEC AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR REMAINING MONITORS.
[little voices.]
THERE SHE IS.
IT'S WAKEMAN.
WE SHOULD STRIKE NOW.
[with Russian accent.]
NO, WE MUST HAVE PATIENCE, COMRADES.
INDEED, WE HAVE SUFFERED MUCH UNDER THE CRUEL TYRANNY OF DR.
WAKEMAN.
OUR ONCE STRONG, THICK TAILS HAVE BEEN MADE THIN, STRINGY, AND LIMP; OUR SUBTLE, SENSITIVE EARS BLACKENED, MISSHAPEN; AND OUR SLEEK FOREPAWS MUTATED INTO SWOLLEN, FREAKISH HANDS! [thunder crashes.]
[screaming and wailing.]
BUT SOON, WE WILL HAVE THE VEHICLE FOR OUR REVENGE.
[whining.]
"YOU NEED TO TREA YOUR BODY WITH MORE RESPECT.
" UH! WHAT'S THERE TO RESPECT? NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD WANT A BODY LIKE MINE.
YOU COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG, FOOLISH AUTOMATON.
COMMENCE OPERATION LULLABY.
[gentle music playing from tinny speaker.]
BEING STUCK IN THIS ROOM IS SO LAME AND STALE AND BORING AND PEACEFUL AND CALM.
HUH? GOTTA STAY AWAKE AND WATCH FOR TROUBLE.
[monitors beeping.]
[static hissing.]
[seagulls squawking faintly.]
scree baa baa, baa [yawns.]
[playing mellow pan pipe melody.]
NOW'S OUR CHANCE.
GO, COMRADES.
GO! [tiny feet scurrying.]
NOW TO ENTER OUR METALLIC VESSEL OF DOOM.
[clicking.]
clank! LAST ONE IN IS ROTTEN BORSCHT.
[scurrying thunderously.]
TO YOUR STATIONS.
[sonar pinging.]
[screams.]
GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! WHAT'S GOING ON? SHE'S AWAKE.
SHE'S AWAKE! [screams.]
HURRY.
DISABLE THE CENTRAL WIRING SYSTEM.
chomp, chomp, chomp [wacky mechanical noises.]
clank! chomp, chomp, chomp cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo chomp [sighing.]
I'M OKAY.
I'M OKAY.
I'M--[clattering.]
[slide whistle whoopsing.]
clank! WE'VE DONE IT.
NOW DR.
WAKEMAN SHALL MEET HER DOOM.
NOT IF I CAN HELP IT.
chomp LET GO, YOU ROBOTIC VERMIN.
THAT'S MY TOE.
NO, IT'S NOT.
IT'S MY TOE.
[thudding.]
SAY TOODLEOOSKI TO YOUR TOE AND THE REST AS WELL.
clunk! NOW, ON TO DR.
WAKEMAN AND THEN THE WORLD! smash! HEY, CAN I GE MY CAR BACK? JENNY? ANYONE HERE? WHY IS IT SO QUIET? DEATHLY QUIET.
[screams.]
OH, JENNY, I'M SO SORRY.
IF MY STUPID CAR HADN'T HAVE CRASHED, MRS.
WAKEMAN WOULDN'T HAVE DISMANTLED YOU.
DON'T WORRY.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU.
[toys squeaking.]
THERE YOU GO, SURROUNDED BY ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS.
w-wooga-w-wooga WHAT'S THERE TO BE SMILING ABOUT? [sobbing.]
OH, JENNY.
YOU WERE THE BES FREAKY, CREEPY ROBOT FRIEND [gasping between words.]
A BOY COULD EVER HAVE.
HEY, WHO'RE YOU CALLING CREEPY? THE HEAD LIVES! TUCK, WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG? WHERE ARE YOU? [teeth chattering.]
HERE.
WHERE'S JENNY? THERE.
GUYS, I NEED YOUR HELP.
NO KIDDING.
YOU'RE A DISEMBODIED HEAD.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? MRS.
WAKEMAN STRIKES AGAIN.
IT WASN'T MY MOM.
IT WAS A BUNCH OF HER SUPERINTELLIGEN MUTATED LAB RATS.
THEY'VE GOT SOME KIND OF GRUDGE AGAINST HER.
I'VE GOT TO STOP THEM, BUT HOW AM I GOING TO DO THA WITHOUT MY-- ENTIRE BODY? HMM.
[stomping.]
WAKEMAN.
YES? OH, HELLO, THERE.
SAY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH XJ9'S BODY, MR.
SCRUFFLES? NO LONGER DO I GO BY THAT CLOWNISH LAB-GIVEN NAME.
I AM VLADIMIR.
BEHOLD YOUR DOOM.
OH, WELL, YOU, UH-- YOU SEEM A LITTLE UPSET.
crash! smash! NOW, LET'S NOT DO ANYTHING RASH.
CAN'T WE DISCUSS THIS OVER A PLATE OF CHEESE? YOU CAN'T BUY US OFF WITH YOUR CHEAP DIME-STORE CHEESE.
BUT IT'S IMPORTED.
HEY, RAT FINK! HUH? LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD.
TURN IT TO THE LEFT.
NOW RIGHT.
NOW GO STRAIGHT.
STRAIGHTER.
WILL YOU BE QUIET? I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
crunch! REVERSE, REVERSE, REVERSE, REVERSE! crunch, crunch, crunch WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? DESTROY THE INFIDELS.
THIS IS POWER BOMB.
[vibrating zapping noise.]
[gurgling.]
pop pop pop YOU FOOLS.
I SAID POWER B-- zap! [explosions.]
IS THAT THE BES YOU CAN DO? YOU WANT TO TRY? YES.
LET GO.
UH, GUYS.
[stalls and putters.]
WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN THERE? I NEED ACTION NOW.
WE'RE DOING THE BEST WE CAN, BUT THE SYSTEM'S OVERLOADED.
NOW YOU'LL SEE SOME REAL DRIVING.
SMASH ME INTO MY CENTRAL COMPUTER HUB.
HURRY, I NEED POWER FIST.
YES, GOOD.
HUH? foosh! crash! WE NEED TO END THIS DEMOLITION DERBY BEFORE XJ9 DESTROYS HERSELF.
crash! BRING JENNY IN FOR A PIT STOP.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? SHE'S RIGHT UNDER US.
SMASH HER! bonk! WHAT'S UP? WE HAVE A PLAN.
[bonking.]
STOP; STOP.
WE CAN'T; WE CAN'T.
OKAY, SOUNDS GOOD, BUT I'D DO BETTER ON AUTOPILOT.
AUTOPILOT? THERE'S NO AUTOPILOT.
OH.
[laughs.]
WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT? HMM.
YOU SE EVERYTHING UP.
I'LL LEAD THE BIG BOY OUTSIDE.
WHAT ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING? (Jenny) HEY, PIEROGI-BREATH.
COME AND GET ME.
clank! YIKES! [banging.]
[growling.]
[tires squealing.]
splash! YEAH! HIGH FIII.
NEVER MIND.
[klaxon blaring.]
YOU FOOLS, WE'RE SINKING.
IGNITE THE ROCKET BOOSTERS.
GET US OUT OF HERE.
MUSTPUSHBUTTON, BUTRATINSTINC TOOSTRONG.
MUST--ABANDON SHIP! [rats screaming.]
NO, YOU FOOLS, COME BACK HERE.
HOORAY! WHERE'S MR.
SCRUFFLES? splash! [suspenseful music.]
(all) GROSS.
[birds chirping.]
GEE, I KNOW THEY WERE MUTANT VERMIN BENT ON DESTROYING HUMANITY, BUT I CAN'T HELP FEELING A LITTLE SORRY FOR THEM.
NOT ME; THEY GOT WHAT THEY DESERVED FOR TURNING MY BODY INTO THEIR PLAY TOY.
(Scruffles) WE SHALL PLAY AGAIN, ROBOT.
I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE ON YOU, WAKEMAN, AND ALL OF HUMANITY! OOH, A CERTAIN MR.
SCRUFFLES SOUNDS A LITTLE CRANKYYY.
WELL, I HAVE A COUPLE OF EXPERIMENTS THAT WILL CHEER YOU UP, AND WHEN WE'RE DONE, YOU'LL BE READY FOR MY LITTLE SURPRISE.
TAH-DAH! NO! Captioning and audio description provided by the Captioning and audio description [rock music.]