My Life as a Teenage Robot (2003) s01e02 Episode Script

Raggedy Android; Class Action

1 (Jenny) 5:00, GET A CALL TO GO BLADING AT THE SKATE PARK DOWN BY THE MALL, BUT MY MOM SAYS I GOTTA PREVEN HOSTILE ALIENS FROM ANNIHILATING US ALL.
HYAH! WITH THE STRENGTH OF A MILLION AND 70 MEN, I GUESS I REALLY SHOULDN'T COMPLAIN.
STILL, I WISH I COULD GO FOR A WALK WITHOUT RUSTING IN THE RAIN.
IT'S ENOUGH TO FRY MY BRAIN.
SO WELCOME TO MY LIFE AS A TEENAGE ROBOT, THE STORY OF MY LIFE AS A TEENAGE ROBOT.
MY TEENAGE ROBOT LIFE.
Captioning and audio description provided by the U.
S.
Department of Education.
[wind whistling.]
[ticking.]
SO XJ9, YOU R-R-READY FOR ACTION? I CAN TAKE ANYTHING YOU CAN DISH OUT.
WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
BRING IT ON.
skriiiiiitch [whirring.]
[ticking grows louder.]
[jiggling noises.]
[whirring.]
RAISE A LIMB! [mechanical whirring.]
DYNODRILL, BLAZING BLADES! [drill and saw whining.]
OOH, VERY, VERY GOOD.
MIGHTY MALLETS! FISTS OF FURY! SHIVA SWORDS! R-R-ROCKET PAW! POPPIN' SHIELD! THOR'S HAMMER! SWISS MIX! CROSSBOW! LOBSTER CLAW! MONKEY'S PAW! STR-R-R-ETCHY ARM AND EXTENDO FINGER! [scratching squeakily.]
STRETCHY WHATSI AND EXTENDO WHO? [groaning.]
XJ9, I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU'D STUDIED.
UH, I DID, I DID! CHAPTER EIGHT-- RIGHT? XJ9! YOU SHOULD BE GR-R-RATEFUL YOU COME WITH AN INSTRUCTION MANUAL.
I CERTAINLY WISH HUMANS DID.
PAGE 99: STR-R-RETCHY ARM AND EXTENDO FINGERS.
HERE GOES.
[whirring.]
clank! [tinkling merrily.]
WOW, THAT'S USEFUL.
COULD COME IN HANDY DURING A TICKLE FIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE? WE CAME TO INVITE JENNY TO THE TOWN SQUARE FAIR.
THERE'S RIDES, GAMES.
EVERYONE-- EVERYONE IN TOWN'LL BE THERE.
AND THIS YEAR, TUCK'S GOING TO FACE HIS FEARS AND RIDE THE FERRIS WHEEL.
TUCK'S AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? NO, GIANT WHEELS.
ANYTHING BIGGER THAN A CAR TIRE GIVES HIM THE HEEBIE-JEEBIES.
BUT THIS YEAR, I'M GOING TO BEAT MR.
FERRIS AND HIS GIANT HOOP OF HORROR.
YEAH.
ANYWAY, CAN YOU GO? MOM? HMM, AT AN EVEN WITH SO MANY HUMAN VARIABLES, THE ODDS ARE QUITE HIGH THAT SOMEONE WILL HAVE AN ADVERSE REACTION TO XJ9.
IT ONLY TAKES ONE PERSON SCREAMING TO CAUSE A MASS PANIC.
C'MON, DOC.
I DOUBT ANYBODY'LL EVEN NOTICE HER.
A 6 1/2 FOO MECHANICAL GIRL, AND NO ONE WILL NOTICE? I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS SUCH A SCARY-LOOKING FREAK.
YOU'RE NOT! IT'S EASY TO SEE YOU'RE JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.
IF YOU GET PAST THE WHOLE SCARY, FREAKY ROBOT THING AND ALL YOUR SCARY, FREAKY ROBOT POWERS.
[whirring.]
PLEASE, MOM! THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME WAY I CAN GO.
I'M SORRY, XJ9.
[metallic wobbling.]
[chuckling nervously.]
TUCK, WE BETTER GO.
AW, BUT I WANT TO SEE THE FIGHT! [wobbling continues.]
YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING I WANT! WORK, WORK, WORK! I NEVER GE TO HAVE ANY FUN! IF YOU DON'T LET ME GO, I'LL--I'LL-- DON'T YOU RAISE YOUR LASERS TO ME, YOUNG LADY.
WAHHHHHHHHHH! [crying.]
thunk! XJ9, CALM DOWN.
YOU'RE SCARING ME.
GREAT, EVEN YOU'RE SCARED OF THE FREAKY ROBOT.
WHY CAN'T I LOOK LIKE EVERYONE ELSE? MAYBE YOU CAN.
I CAN CREATE A SYNTHETIC HUMAN EXO-SKIN WITH CYBERNETIC SENSORS THAT WILL LINK UP WITH YOUR ROBOTIC EXTERIOR AND GIVE YOU THE APPEARANCE OF A NORMAL TEENAGE GIRL.
OH, THANK YOU, MOM! I CAN HARDLY WAI TO TRY MY NEW OUTFI TOMORROW AT THE FAIR! XJ9, SOMETHING THIS COMPLICATED TAKES A WHILE TO DEVELOP.
HOW LONG? MAYBE THREE TO FOUR MONTHS.
IN OTHER WORDS, NEVER.
WELL, MAYBE WITH A FEW DESIGN MODIFICATIONS, I COULD HAVE SOMETHING READY.
OH, THANK YOU! [coughs weakly.]
[gagging.]
I CAN HARDLY WAI UNTIL TOMORROW.
[ticking.]
[ticking slows.]
brrrrring! IS IT READY? HUH, WHAT? [yawning.]
GOOD MORNING, DEAR.
IS THIS MY EXO-SKIN? WELL, LET'S JUST CALL THIS A PROTOTYPE.
YOU SEE-- OH, BOY, I CAN HARDLY WAI TO TRY IT ON.
PROPER MATERIALS, CERTAIN CHANGES-- (Jenny) WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK? UHHHHHHH I GOT TO GE TO THE FAIR! XJ9, WAIT! [door closing.]
THE ODDS OF THIS TURNING INTO A DISASTER-- [chuckling.]
ARE QUITE HIGH.
[calliope music.]
[clucking.]
[giggling.]
[squirting.]
[chuckling goofily.]
[screaming.]
[ringing loudly.]
(Tuck) OKAY, TUCK, YOU CAN DO THIS.
JUST STAY CALM AND TAKE DEEP, EVEN BREATHS.
[creaking ominously.]
[inhaling deeply.]
[exhaling shakily.]
[inhaling deeply.]
[exhaling shakily.]
[inhaling deeply.]
YOU GOING TO BE OKAY THERE, TIGER? FINE--FINE! [chuckling nervously.]
FROM THIS ANGLE-- gulp! IT DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE A WHEE-- WHEE--WHEE-- TUCK? WHEE-- WOW, LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS WHEEL.
THIS MUST BE THE MOST GIANTEST WHEEL IN THE WHOLE TRISTATE AREA.
slam! [Tuck screaming.]
NO! LET ME OFF! [Jenny breathing heavily.]
[calliope music slows.]
[music stops.]
[spooky music.]
[Wakeman panting.]
[groaning.]
OH, MY HEAVENS! THAT WACKO WAKEMAN HAS CREATED SOME SOR OF RAG DOLL FRANKENSTEIN! AND IT'S GONE WILD AND KILLED ITS CREATOR! [shrieking.]
[screaming.]
(man) RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! [ringing loudly.]
sploosh! [xylophone scales.]
[horn squeaking.]
[tires squealing.]
WHAT'S GOING ON? WHY IS EVERYONE SCREAMING? [screaming.]
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? NO, SPARE ME, MONSTER.
SPARE ME! MONSTER? I'M NOT A MONSTER.
I'M A NORMAL TEENAGE GIRL.
AREN'T I? [shrieking.]
I AM A MONSTER.
[man with German accent.]
UND YOU'VE TERRORIZED US POOR TOWNSPEOPLE LONG ENOUGH! [loud biting noise.]
IT'S TIME VEE TOOK THE LAW INTO OUR OWN HANDS! [licorice whip cracking.]
[crowd shouting angrily.]
YAH! [shouting less enthusiastically.]
YAH! [weakly.]
YAH.
[panting.]
YAH.
[panting.]
UND DON'T-- COME BACK.
ANYVONE WAN A CORN DOG? [Tuck screaming.]
WHAT'S ALL THA SCREAMING? THAT'S ME.
[screaming.]
NOT YOU-- LISTEN.
WOW, LOOK AT 'EM ALL DOWN THERE.
THEY LOOK LIKE ANTS.
FRANTIC, SCREAMING ANTS.
[whirring.]
[machinery rattling.]
[Tuck screaming.]
TUCK? [screaming.]
[electricity buzzing.]
[cheerful whistling.]
zap! [dramatic music.]
[electricity buzzing.]
WHAT'LL I DO? (Wakeman) STR-R-RETCHY ARM AND EXTENDO FINGERS.
STRETCHY ARM AND EXTENDO FINGERS! STRETCHY ARM AND EXTENDO FINGERS! ALL RIGHT, MOM! I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! clank! [sliding noises.]
[squawking shrilly.]
[electricity buzzing.]
WHOA.
[wheel groaning.]
[crowd cheering.]
skriiiiiitch snap! LET'S DO IT AGAIN! [calliope music.]
YOU SAVED THE FAIR, MISS XJ9.
THANK YOU! NO PROBLEM.
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, ROBOGIRL.
I WILL.
THAT'S JENNY.
SHE HAS FREAKY ROBOT POWERS.
COOL.
[sighs.]
WHAT'S WRONG, XJ9? I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO BE PART OF THE FAIR.
I WANTED TO BE PART OF THE FAIR, BUT I DIDN'T WAN TO BE PART OF THE MACHINERY.
[calliope music.]
[dramatic music.]
THERE'S THE MARKER.
FINAL DESTINATION COMING INTO VISUAL RANGE.
XJ9, WE ARE APPR-R-R-OACHING GROUND ZERO.
JUST SECURING MY EQUIPMENT.
THIS COULD BE YOUR TOUGHEST CHALLENGE EVER, A CONSTANT TES OF YOUR ABILITIES.
THE PRESSURE TO PERFORM COULD BECOME UNBEARABLE.
THERE IS NO DISHONOR SHOULD YOU DECIDE TO BACK OUT.
[straps tightening.]
MAMA DIDN'T RAISE NO CHICKENS.
READY TO DEPLOY.
ON MY MARK.
DEPRESSURIZING CABIN IN FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.
GO, GO, GO! [all talking at once.]
NO HOSTILE MOVEMENTS-- NOW'S MY CHANCE TO BLEND IN.
[horn blaring.]
OKAY, BYE-BYE, SWEETIE! HAVE A GOOD FIRST DAY! [tires squealing.]
[laughing hysterically.]
2.
75 SECONDS INTO THE NEW SCHOOL YEAR-- MY MOM'S ALREADY MADE ME A LAUGHINGSTOCK.
"RECOVERING FROM PUBLIC HUMILIATION IN TEN EASY STEPS.
" WOW, SCHOOL HASN'T EVEN STARTED, AND YOU'RE ALREADY STUDYING? YOU ROBOTS ARE HARD CORE! ALL THE MAGAZINES AGREE: SUCCESS IN HIGH SCHOOL EQUALS POPULARITY.
AND THE KEY TO POPULARITY IS TO GET IN WITH THE "IN" CROWD.
YOU KNOW, JEN, I ENJOY A CERTAIN DEGREE OF POPULARITY.
[quietly.]
UH-HUH.
(Brad) BUT NOT ALL POPULAR KIDS ARE SO COOL OR MAKE THE BEST FRIENDS.
[scanner humming.]
ding! IN FACT, SOME OF THE MOST POPULAR KIDS ARE THE NASTIEST.
PERFECT EXAMPLE: THE KRUST COUSINS.
[stiltedly.]
WHAT IS UP, HOMESLICES? MY NAME IS JENNY.
I'VE BEEN DOING SOME CALCULATIONS AND HAVE CONCLUDED THAT IT WOULD BE TOTALLY FAB IF AFTER A DAY OF SERIOUS STUDY, WE COULD HANG OUT, KICK IT, AND CHILL AND DO OUR HOMEWORK TOGETHER! YES, THAT SOUNDS VERY--DOPE, BUT UNFORTUNATELY, OUR STUDY GROUP IS ALL FULL UP.
RIGHT, TIFF? UH, YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, BRIT.
TOTALLY FULL UP.
[both agreeing.]
BUT WE'LL CALL YOU THE MINUTE WE GET AN OPENING.
OKAY, I'LL WAI FOR YOUR CALL--HOMEGIRLS! WE MUST REMEMBER TO CALL HER-- WHEN WE HAVE ROOM FOR A FULL METAL LOSER.
[cackling.]
GIRL, STOP IT.
JENNY, YOU DON'T NEED TO SUCK UP TO BRIT AND TIFF TO BE POPULAR.
JUST LIGHTEN UP! BE YOURSELF! BE MYSELF? BUT I WAN TO FIT IN! snap! UH, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO FIT IN, NEXT TIME, TRY UNLOCKING YOUR LOCKER.
BUT HEY, DON'T STRESS OU ABOUT IT.
I'M SURE THE REST OF YOUR DAY WILL BE SMOOTH SAILING.
clang! crunch! smash! [shattering.]
[spraying.]
thunk! boink! [air sputtering.]
HELLO? IS THERE SOMEONE HERE WHO CAN HELP ME? [static crackling.]
OH, HELLO, PROBLEM DROID.
CAN YOU HELP ME? [high-pitched whining.]
HELLO? PROBLEM DROID? HELLO? HERE, TRY TALKING INTO THIS.
THE PROBLEM DROID IS A LITTLE HARD OF HEARING.
THANKS, BRIT.
EXCUSE ME, PROBLEM DROID, CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? I HAD SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY SCHEDULE.
First of all, do I have to wear an athletic supporter in every class or just in social studies? And if there's no recess, when do we play freeze tag? Which hall is the "study hall"? And I can't find my next class; IT'S CALLED "CAFETERIA.
" [echoing.]
Cafeteria, cafeteria, cafeteria [Rizinsky clears throat.]
MY MICROPHONE PLEASE.
HERE IS THE CAFETERIA, MISS XJ9.
HERE IS WHERE I WANT YOU TO SPEND YOUR LUNCH HOUR.
WHAT I DO NOT WANT ARE ANY MORE OF YOUR LITTLE BROADCASTS.
ARE WE CLEAR, FRESHMAN? (Brit) CHIN UP, JENNY.
THAT RIZINSKY'S NOTHING MORE THAN A GLORIFIED HALL MONITOR.
WE THOUGHT YOUR BROADCAS WAS PURE HILARITY.
DOES THAT MEAN I CAN SIT WITH YOU GUYS? [muttering.]
[snaps.]
whoosh! IT SEEMS WE'VE JUST RUN OUT OF ROOM, BUT NO WORRIES, DARLING.
WE'LL CALL YOU AS SOON AS THERE'S A FREE SEAT.
OH, OKAY.
I'LL WAI FOR YOUR CALL.
[both snickering.]
[whistling.]
[creaking.]
crash! HEY, JEN.
SO HOW'S YOUR PLAN FOR POPULARITY WORKING OUT? SEE FOR YOURSELF.
JENNY, YOU GOT TO LET PEOPLE GET TO KNOW YOU.
YOU KNOW, OPEN UP, LET PEOPLE SEE WHAT YOU GO GOING ON ON THE INSIDE.
OH, OPEN UP! I GET IT! [mechanical whirring.]
(all) WHOA! HEY! [all talking at once.]
HOW DARE THAT SHEET METAL TWI TRY TO STEAL OUR SPOTLIGHT! WHAT IF SHE ACTUALLY BECOMES POPULAR? THIS PROBLEM MAY JUS TAKE CARE OF ITSELF.
(Rizinsky) MISS XJ9, COULD YOU JOIN US DOWN HERE ON PLANET EARTH FOR A MOMENT PLEASE? DO YOU REALIZE YOU COULD GET EXPELLED FOR BRINGING WEAPONS TO SCHOOL? THESE AREN'T WEAPONS-- ALTHOUGH I DO HAVE SOME LASERS AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.
VICE PRINCIPAL RIZINSKY, JENNY WOULD NEVER ACTIVATE HER LASERS DURING SCHOOL HOURS.
IN FACT, SHE WAS JUST ABOUT TO OVERRIDE HER SUPERHERO MODE.
[metallic wobbling.]
THERE YOU GO.
VERY WELL, I'LL LET IT GO THIS TIME.
BUT THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING, FRESHMAN.
[bell rings.]
FINAL WARNING? OOH, ONE MORE, AND RIZINSKY'LL EXPEL HER FOR SHO'.
BUT WHO KNOWS HOW LONG THAT WILL TAKE.
I SAY WE GIVE HER A GENTLE NUDGE-- OVER THE EDGE.
[cackling.]
(Pigott) GOOD AFTERNOON, CLASS.
WELCOME TO CHEMISTRY 101.
LET'S BEGIN OUR FIRST EXPERIMENT, SHALL WE? FIRST, WE'LL EXPOSE THE CHEMICALS TO LIFE-GIVING FLAME! [weak hissing.]
UH, THAT'S LIFE-GIVING FLAME! [sputtering.]
WELL, STUDENTS, THE BUNSEN BURNER IS BROKEN.
SO WE'LL TAKE A QUICK ESSAY EXAM INSTEAD.
MR.
PIGOTT? YES, BRITTANY? IT SEEMS A TERRIBLE SHAME NOT TO HAVE ANY CHEMISTRY IN CHEMISTRY 101.
I'M SURE JENNY HAS A COOL LASER OR SOMETHING TO HELP YOU HEAT UP YOUR BEAKER.
IS THAT TRUE, MISS XJ9? UH, I SUPPOSE.
THIS LASER BEAM--THIS IS FROM YOUR HOME LABORATORY? WELL, SORTA.
BUT YOU CAN'T MAINTAIN A CONSTANT 1,200 DEGREES KELVIN, CAN YOU? WHO SAYS I CAN'T? WONDERFUL! LET'S GET STARTED! UH, OKAY.
[whirring.]
zap! [bubbling.]
[kids talking excitedly.]
I THOUGHT THE PLAN WAS TO CRUSH LITTLE MISS TIN PANTS, NOT MAKE HER MORE POPULAR.
NOT TO WORRY.
THAT METALLIC FREAK'S CHANCE FOR POPULARITY IS ABOUT TO GO UP IN FLAMES.
BECAUSE HERE'S-- [whispering inaudibly.]
UH-HUH.
MM-MM.
OOH, THAT'S GOOD, GIRL.
[crackling.]
[high-pitched whining.]
MY BEAKER! [crackling.]
MY LAB! [crackling continues.]
[popping.]
[shrieking.]
MY HAIR! [fire alarm ringing.]
[shrieking.]
I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE CLASS.
YOU CLEAR OU THE REST OF THE SCHOOL.
whoosh! [cackling.]
NOT ONLY WILL THAT ROBOTIC SOCIAL CLIMBER BE EXPELLED, BUT WE'LL GET OU OF CHEMISTRY CLASS FOREVER! [both cackling.]
whoosh! crash! I THINK THAT'S EVERYBODY.
(Brit and Tiff) HEY, EXCUSE ME! [both shouting with attitude.]
PEOPLE ARE IN HERE FREAKING OUT! HELP US! [both shouting at once.]
(Jenny) COME ON! CLIMB UP! HURRY! YOU GUYS OKAY? [both shrieking.]
YOU'RE WELCOME! [high-pitched whistling.]
[groaning.]
THAT CAN'T BE GOOD.
[panting.]
TIFF, TIFF! WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE? WHERE'S JENNY? DID YOU S-- STEP OFF, FOOL! JENNY'S RIGHT BEHIND U-- [crashing.]
HAS SHE BLOWN A CIRCUIT? DAT BOILER'S 'BOUT TO EXPLODE! JENNY! [loud explosion.]
[clanging.]
OH, NO.
SHE WAS SO YOUNG.
SHE WAS GOING TO DO GREAT THINGS.
SHE WAS GOING TO TRANSFORM INTO OUR HOMECOMING FLOAT! [weeping.]
JENNY, YOU DID IT! YOU SAVED THE SCHOOL! YOU'RE A HERO! clang! (Rizinsky) THERE SHE IS.
THERE'S THE LITTLE PRANKSTER WHO STARTED THE FIRE.
BUT IT'S NO JENNY'S FAULT.
SHE SAVED US ALL.
I CAN EXPLAIN IT.
MY SAFETY OVERRIDE JUST WENT HAYWIRE.
DON'T WORRY, MISS XJ9.
WE'LL FIND AN EXPLANATION-- DOWNTOWN.
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, COPPERS.
YOU'LL NOT TOUCH ONE R-R-RIVET ON HER HEAD.
THIS GIRL SAVED OUR LIVES.
SHE'S A HERO, A HEEEERO! FROM NOW ON, YOU'RE HANGING WITH US.
[metallic rattling.]
[gasps.]
HEY, THIS MUST BE WHAT CAUSED MY MALFUNCTION.
WELL, WELL, WHAT HAVE WE HERE? NOW, WHERE HAVE I SEEN ONE OF THESE BEFORE? SO HERE ARE MY LITTLE FIREBUGS.
THAT TITANIUM TWERP! WE SHOULD'VE KNOWN SHE'D RAT US OUT.
FROM NOW ON, THAT TEEN MACHINE IS PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE.
BYE, GUYS! RING ME WHEN YOU MAKE BAIL! I'LL WAI FOR YOUR CALL! WOW, SOME FIRST DAY, HUH? DON'T WORRY.
IT CAN'T POSSIBLY GET ANY WORSE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT WAS AWESOME! YOU WERE RIGHT.
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS BE MYSELF.
NOW I'M IN WITH THE "IN" CROWD.
I CAN'T WAI FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.
crash! Captioning and audio description provided by the Captioning and audio description [rock music.]

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