Nathan For You (2013) s04e05 Episode Script

Shipping Logistics Company

1 My name is Nathan Fielder, and I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools with really good grades.
Now, I'm using my knowledge to help struggling small business owners make it in this competitive world.
This is "Nathan for You.
" From the outside, this building may look boring, but there's actually something pretty cool inside.
Byrnes Logistics, a shipping logistics company based in El Segundo, California, where customs broker Christy Pratt works tirelessly to help her clients export their products all around the world.
But sending goods across international borders can be expensive because of import taxes known as "tariffs.
" Every product has a different duty rate.
Um, it can be from free to 35%.
But when I learned she was working with an exporter of smoke detectors, it gave me an idea that could save her client millions, and make Christy the hottest shipping broker in town.
Just looking it up on my phone, it seems like there's a pretty high tariff for smoke detectors in a lot of countries.
Yeah, I mean a lot of countries charge high duty rates on smoke detectors.
You know, it is what it is.
I mean, you're not gonna get around it.
Well, not so fast.
Unlike smoke detectors, musical instruments ship duty-free to most countries.
So, if Christy were able to convince Customs that the noise from her smoke alarms was actually intended to make music, the savings for her clients would be astronomical.
- Well - I mean, technically anything that makes a noise can be a musical instrument, right? You know, if you can convince Customs, go for it.
Why are you so pessimistic? Because I've worked in this business a long time.
I know what Customs is going to say.
You know I went to business school, right? Yeah, no, I didn't.
I don't know you.
Oh, okay.
I did go to business school.
All right, well Oh, you're done with your sentence? - I'm done.
- Okay.
You said, "All right, well," and I thought you were gonna say something else.
- No.
- Oh, okay.
Christy was skeptical, but I was determined to prove her wrong, so I began the process of designing new packaging for the smoke detector to rebrand it as a musical instrument.
I then hired local blues legend Harmonica Greg to help me create an instructional DVD that would be included in every box.
Your instrument is pre-tuned to F#, and you don't want to mess around with that.
With our DVD and rebranded packaging complete, I was hopeful this would be enough for Customs to believe it was a real instrument.
But since tariff laws are incredibly complex, before moving forward, I brought my product to retired California judge Anthony Filosa to be sure I was meeting all the requirements.
It's a smoke detector.
Right, but it's rebranded as a musical instrument.
And, of course, you're doing that for what reason, to To avoid the tariffs.
After telling Judge Filosa my plan, he read over the tariff laws and told me that my work was far from done.
You've got to prove to the satisfaction of a court that this particular thing is accepted by the general public as a musical instrument.
- Okay.
- This label proves nothing.
So how would you make it accepted by the public? If it's used in a song that people really recognize, it's a #1 record, or, you know, one of these singers I knew that rebranding a smoke detector would be tough, but I never thought I'd have to create a hit song using one of the worst noises imaginable.
- [SHRILL TONE.]
- And if I was going to do this, I'd need some serious musical talent.
So I put up some fliers announcing open auditions for a new band.
And later that week, posing as a big-time record producer, I opened my doors to the best of what L.
A.
had to offer.
All right, let's see what you got, my man.
Sure.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Don't look at the clock, it's deceiving Everything you are so dependent on perceiving The future, fickle notions of your mind Dust, creatures of the surf Always contemplating time to a saddening extreme Many of us travel, sheep without shepherds And unprepared for battle to unravel The turnout was better than I expected, and it was clear right away I was drowning in talent.
Arise, the time is now So after auditioning a drummer named Chris who could really pound the skins and Jani, a physically attractive singer, who had the right kind of ambition I mean, on a wider perspective, like, I want the whole world to hear what I have to say.
My band was starting to take shape.
This is freedom to me.
But I still needed to figure out which musician was best suited to playing the smoke detector.
So I organized the band's first rehearsal, and after watching them jam [TUNELESS JAMMING.]
It quickly became clear the standout talent was Eddie.
[PLAYING RAPID RIFFS.]
He was not only the best musician but also the best showman.
If anyone could make the smoke detector work, it was him.
So after rehearsal was over, I kept Eddie behind to show him his new instrument.
I can sing, I can play the drums.
This is not an instrument.
It is.
It's a blues smoke detector.
[SMOKE ALARM SOUNDS.]
No, no.
This is gonna be the thing that separates us from any other band.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
And that means the guy who plays it is going to be the most famous.
You want to be famous, don't you? Um maybe.
- You do.
- Yeah.
Dazzled by the promise of fame, Eddie agreed to learn the blues smoke detector with the help of our instructional DVD.
The best way to play it is simply by pressing the "test" button on the front.
[SMOKE ALARM SOUNDS.]
Okay.
[SMOKE ALARM SOUNDS.]
So with Eddie on board, I spent the next couple days writing lyrics for what would hopefully be our breakthrough single.
And then I called the band back together to see what they thought.
So you know when you really like a girl, but she won't even look at you in the eye? - You know? - Mmhmm.
This song's, uh, kind of about that.
[EXHALES.]
Sorry, I'm just a little nervous right now, because it's, you know, it's personal, and I'm not the best singer.
But [CLEARS THROAT.]
When I talk to other people about you I say "her" In my bed rests a pillow Where you once were My lips, my hair, my skin, my eyes When you left me, it was a big surprise Maybe one day I'll wake up on Jupiter An entire planet, just me and her The band seemed to like my song Thank you.
But then Jani said that he had a song of his own that he'd been working on.
Through distancing ourselves from nature, we've distanced ourselves from each other, and the song's kind of based off that.
I like that message.
I mean, we need to respect like the habitat we live in.
It's time to revolutionize It's time to revolutionize We're bringing on on those orphaned skies The song was called "Orphaned Skies," and after taking a band vote, they liked his song more.
And that was great, because the best song won, and that's what we wanted.
So I told Jani to teach it to the rest of the band, with one minor adjustment.
Just so you guys know, I took Eddie off guitar, and he's going to be on smoke detector for this one.
- Smoke detector? - I know it's a bit weird, but it's really important this band has a smoke detector in it.
I think it could be the thing that maybe makes us stand out.
Do we have to have that one? - The smoke detector? - Yes.
I mean, no offense, but if you guys are good enough, you should be able to make it work, right? [SINGING INDISTINCTLY.]
[SMOKE DETECTOR BEEPS.]
[BEEP.]
[BEEP.]
It's time to revolutionize Despite some initial struggles with the smoke detector, by the end of the day the song was sounding surprisingly good.
We're bringing on - Those orphaned skies - [SMOKE DETECTOR BEEPS.]
And that meant it was time to take this band to the next level.
So I hired a photographer to take some promotional photos and booked some time in a recording studio to officially lay down the tracks.
We're bringing on those orphaned skies [BEEP.]
Bringing on those orphaned skies [JANI HOLDING NOTE.]
[SOFT KEYBOARD.]
Everyone in the studio was digging it, and I was hopeful "Orphaned Skies" would become a hit.
But first, our band would need a name.
I have a few.
The Banzai Predicament.
What does that mean? Um I don't know if it it's just kind of like a juxtaposition of words I came up with, it it sounded good.
Now that our band had a name, I uploaded our song to iTunes as a digital single.
And I was excited to get this thing heard, so I set up a meeting with the head of programming at KDAY 93.
5 in the hopes he would put it on the air.
["ORPHANED SKIES" BY THE BANZAI PREDICAMENT.]
[BEEP.]
[BEEP.]
I don't think that'll make Top 40 Radio.
I couldn't play it.
I wouldn't play it.
Is there anything I could do to if this could get like one play on air, and see what the response is? Take the beeping sound out of it.
Okay, yeah.
And in that moment, I realized what I should've known from the start.
That the music industry would never accept a song with a smoke detector in it.
I had failed everyone.
Not only Christy at Byrnes Logistics but also Jani, whose beautiful song would never be heard.
But in listening to it more, I was reminded of the message behind "Orphaned Skies.
" Through distancing ourselves from nature, we've distanced ourselves from each other.
It was about saving the environment.
And that's when it occurred to me that if I couldn't get this song on the radio, perhaps I could get it on the news.
Not far from Los Angeles, the Shell Oil Company recently got into trouble after one of their pipelines sprung a leak.
For the second time in less than a year, a spill response unit has responded to this Shell facility outside of Tracy.
So if I could make it seem like Jani's environmental anthem was callously stolen by Shell to use in a PR campaign at the spill site, there's a chance the controversy could ignite a media firestorm that would get "Orphaned Skies" and the blues smoke detector - heard by millions.
- [BEEP.]
So to frame Shell for this theft, I headed five hours north to the city of Tracy, California and put up fliers saying that Shell would be holding a town hall meeting to address the community's concerns about their disastrous oil spills.
And right away, people were interested.
You can see light snacks and beverages will be provided.
Do you like snacks? Okay, great.
Now all I needed was someone to speak at the event who the public would buy as a real Shell representative.
And who better to play the part than someone who actually believed they worked for Shell? So I put a job posting on Monster.
com advertising a short-term position at Shell in their public relations department.
Once I got a response, I told the applicant to meet me on the street corner outside of Shell's corporate headquarters in Carson, California, where I was waiting to intercept him, dressed as a Shell employee.
So we're doing some construction in the building, so the interview's actually gonna take place on our South campus.
Okay, so just hop in, and I'll take you over.
Then, I drove him around the corner to a portable I had installed in a parking lot nearby.
I told him I was the Shell Vice President and that the cameras were documenting us because, if he got the job, he would be Shell's one millionth employee.
So a big part of working in PR at Shell is dealing with oil spills, and we have a lot of them.
- Okay.
- And obviously, no one likes it when an oil spill happens, but what most people don't get is that it's a necessary and unavoidable part of doing business.
Yes, I get that totally.
Victor was perfectly suited to being a Shell employee, and he performed extremely well under pressure.
How do you feel when you see this image of a bird covered in oil? I feel okay.
I feel all right.
I don't feel nothing.
No? That's a good answer.
It looks like a fun day at the beach.
So I offered him the job.
Victor didn't know it, but his only real purpose was to help me frame Shell for the theft of The Banzai Predicament's music.
So on the day of the town hall event, I set up in the Tracy Legion Hall, and before long, concerned Tracy residents began to fill the room.
So I checked in with Victor outside to be sure he was ready to face the crowd.
I mean, there's been two oil spills in the past two years, so I'm sure the town is a little nervous.
- I'll make you proud.
- Okay.
- I'll take care of everything.
- So with Victor prepared, he headed inside to address the local community.
I also want to point out that this spill right here, this spill was, like, relatively small.
If you had to have a spill somewhere, you would want this spill right here in your town.
I know it's kind of hard for you to grasp, but it's great.
Yes, sir? The contaminated soil, where did you dump that? From the spill site? Okay.
Thank you, sir, that was a great question.
The information that I had made available to me is that we dumped it in a country far, far away from here.
Victor did a pretty good job of answering the community's questions.
And I'd like to conclude now, by showing you guys a short video.
Thank you.
But the only thing that really mattered for my plan was a fake Shell commercial I had made using "Orphaned Skies" as its soundtrack.
It's time to revolutionize We're bringing on those orphaned skies - I-ies - [BEEP.]
Great, right? Good.
I now had evidence of Shell stealing the band's song.
You guys have a great evening.
and I'll see you at the pump.
So I anonymously uploaded my cell phone footage to Youtube, and then I met up with Jani in the hopes it would make him angry enough to fight back.
Did they just take it, or how did that happen? I guess they just took it.
I I don't know, that's not what I envisioned, like, the song, its purpose, you know, being.
If it pisses you off, it pisses me off, you know what I mean? That's [BLEEP.]
up, that's like plagiarism.
I really admired Jani, so it was hard for me to see him so upset.
I guess artists must just feel more than the rest of us.
Regardless, I had to move forward.
So I pitched him the idea of doing a protest performance in front of a busy Shell gas station so the whole world could become aware of this injustice.
No, yeah, definitely.
I think it's a good plan, if we get it, like, well organized.
And the next day, after showing the rest of the band what Shell had done, it was up to Jani to get them on board with our plan.
It actually really upsets me that they would do something like that.
If they're putting our names on it, then they have to pay us.
I mean personally, I agree with Jani.
I think we gotta do something.
I think we should play.
With the band on board for our protest performance, we began preparations for the showdown with Shell that would hopefully bring the blues smoke detector into the spotlight.
To maximize our chances of getting media attention, I had a custom stage hitched to the back of a tanker truck filled with gasoline so the band could give away free gas throughout their performance, taking business from the corporation that took from them.
But the most vital part of this operation was the smoke detector, so before heading out, I had a quick word with Eddie.
Really show off that baby, okay? - Okay, no worries.
- Yeah, I want to see that smoke detector featured.
Yeah, I'll be sure.
Cool.
Thanks, man.
Let's do it.
Great.
And with that, our tanker truck was on the move.
Its destination was a busy Shell station in Hollywood in the middle of rush hour traffic and just a block away from the KTLA news headquarters.
So once the tanker was in place, the members of The Banzai Predicament took the stage and began to play.
["ORPHANED SKIES" BY THE BANZAI PREDICAMENT.]
- [BEEP.]
- Whooo! - [BEEP.]
- Free gas, brother! Within minutes, a line of cars - began to form around the block.
- Want a little bit of gas? And it wasn't long before the news showed up to give us the coverage we needed.
All right, the L.
A.
-based rock band Banzai Predicament protested the petroleum giant Shell today by giving away a tanker full of gasoline.
The Banzai Predicament band brought in a filled gas tanker and began dishing out free gas to customers at the Shell gas station at Sunset Boulevard and Wilton Place in protest, they say, of the company's recent oil spills and the use of their music.
They stole one of our songs and used it in a commercial, and so we're out here giving away free gas.
Free fuel goes a long way with customers thankful to not have to pay.
I'm gonna get my free gas, and I will protest too.
I'll bet you they'll get a lot of downloads today.
No doubt about that.
Now that the blues smoke detector had been seen by millions in the hands of a real rock band, my instrument had the legitimacy it needed.
So I could finally return to Byrnes Logistics to update Christy on what I had done.
- I see he's using it.
- Yeah.
- I do, yeah.
- Pretty good evidence, huh? Eh well, that's for Customs to decide.
Are you impressed? No, not really.
I mean, you know What are you talking about? He picked up a smoke detector, and he's using it in a band.
- This was on TV.
- Well that's not, you know You have to wait and see.
After everything I had done, Christy was still skeptical, so to prove her wrong, I packed up a dozen smoke detectors addressed to a contact in South America, noting on the customs form that we were sending musical instruments and nothing else.
And a few days later, I returned to show her the shipment had arrived.
So the package arrived.
There it is! And whether she liked it or not, Christy had to admit that my plan had worked.
Well, yeah, it's one small package through FedEx.
They usually get where they're going.
My work with Byrnes Logistics was done, but there was still one thing I had to take care of.
Shell saw the protest on the news, and they feel awful about what happened.
In pursuing my goal, I had turned good people against each other.
The bottom line is, we messed up.
We just wanna make things right, you know what I mean? - Right.
- But now it was time to heal the wounds and bring them together.
- Hey, how's it going? - Hello, how you doing? - Jani.
- My name is Victor Clark.
- Nice to meet you.
- I'm from corporate Shell.
We made a mistake, you know? We stole your song, we're sorry we stole it, but, you know, how these things happen, I don't know.
Sometimes we just usually we hear what sounds the best, you know, what sounds the best for our reasons, and we stole it, and we'd like to apologize for that.
Yeah, I don't know.
That just doesn't seem like a good thing, for a company to like steal something.
Like, the song was kind of in a different, like, ideologically, like in a different realm than - Well - I think what your company Look.
I'm a man, I apologize.
Just be a man and accept my apology.
No, yeah, I accept your apology.
That's all I'm asking.
That's all I'm asking.
Yeah, no, apology accepted.
- Apology accepted? - Yeah.
Thank you.
Appreciate you for that.
- Yeah.
- Love your music.
Just don't stop.
Hey, thanks.
How's that? You take care, and have a great day.
- Yeah.
See ya.
- You keep that music going.
[SMOKE ALARM BEEPING.]
And there, you get a consistent flow of notes.
[BEEP BEEP.]

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