Night Court (1984) s02e02 Episode Script

Christine and Mac (a.k.a. Daddy for the Defense)

Still gonna drive me to the doctor? All set, my little sweet potato.
What did I tell you about those vegetable names, Bernie? Don't be nervous, sweetheart.
Everything will turn out fine.
He's removing a bunion, not my liver.
Say, that reminds me, I'm hungry.
How about some dinner? The nurse said I shouldn't eat before surgery.
- Afterwards? - Great.
Anything you want, it's yours.
A Volvo.
Marry me first.
Fish sticks'll be fine.
And this is our cafeteria.
Hot food, beverage dispenser, there's your condiments over in the corner.
It's wonderful.
Yeah, I use a lot of ketchup myself.
No, I meant just being in the Manhattan Criminal Court's building.
Oh, oh.
The assigned attorney got sick and they called and told me to fill in.
I've worked in legal aid for three years and this is the first chance I've gotten to try my own cases, and I'm ready.
Alan Kinsch.
It's gonna be a pleasure working with you.
- Christine Sullivan, and you are? - A criminal.
Oh.
Indecent exposure.
Nice raincoat.
Oh, look, here's Harry.
Come on, let's meet the judge.
- Excuse us.
- Your Honor? I'd like to present Christine Sullivan.
She's filling in for the defense tonight.
- Hey, pleased to meet you.
- You're Harold T.
Stone? Yup.
Chuckles, you want the black one? - No, thank you.
- Wow, neat briefcase.
That's real leather, ain't it? Harry, l I'm sorry, you're busy sniffing an attaché.
Oh, Dan, this is Christine Sullivan, legal aid.
Dan Fielding, assistant DA.
Hi, how are you? I think all this talk about the death of casual sex is premature, don't you? Say, there's about 15 minutes before we have to go back.
I'm gonna go across the street and bowl a line.
You wanna join me? Oh, thank you, um, but I don't bowl.
No kidding.
I got my own ball.
You must be very proud.
I am.
- See you in court, counselor? - Yes, sir.
- Knock them dead, Your Honor.
- Cut the bootlicking, Dan.
Working on it, sir.
- What do you think of the judge? - He's interesting.
He's got a certain style.
Certain flair.
And the largest collection of chattering teeth in North America.
- Good luck, baby.
- Cool it, buster.
- Daddy.
- Hi, peaches.
Daddy, what are you doing here? What am I doing here? to put you through college, think I'd miss my girl's first day in court? - Please don't embarrass me.
- Embarrass you? - When have I embarrassed you? - Plenty of times.
Name one.
The '70s.
All rise.
- Post time.
- I mean it, Daddy.
Criminal court part two is now in session.
- The Honorable Harold T.
Stone presiding.
- You may be seated.
Don't even think about anything that's gonna cause me embarrassment Christine Sullivan.
- What? Come on down.
Will the counsels approach the bench, please? If he mentions the chattering teeth, act surprised.
A little nervous, Miss Sullivan? I apologize, Your Honor.
It won't happen again.
Oh, don't worry about it.
Remember my first night, Mr.
Prosecutor? Still having the flashbacks, sir.
I appreciate what you're trying to do - My, what a pretty blouse.
- I beg your pardon? - He said, "My, what a pretty blouse.
" Yes.
I heard him, thank you.
I prefer the court not think of me as a nervous woman who needs to be placated with compliments about her wardrobe.
I don't wanna be treated any differently just because I have breasts.
- Hey, great suit, Mr.
Prosecutor.
- First case, Your Honor.
Mac, look at the cut of that thing.
Hangs real nice on him, yes, sir.
That's my daughter up there.
She's an attorney.
- Oh, you must be very proud.
- I am, I am.
What's her name? - Christine.
- How beautiful.
I wish my mother had named me Christine.
- What'd she name you? - Aphrodite.
I didn't have a chance.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- And you are? - Keith Landon, Your Honor.
- Charged with criminal mischief.
- Specifically? He tried to dismantle a record store with his bare hands, sir.
- Why did you do that, Mr.
Landon? - I was battling the devil, Your Honor.
I'm at war with Satan, who's trying to poison our minds with evil messages hidden in our music.
Shall I ring for a vehicle from the Disenchanted Kingdom, Your Honor? Not just yet, Mac.
Thanks.
I move that my client be allowed to pay the damages and the charges against him be dismissed.
All right, people.
Come on, we haven't done anything yet to merit your applause.
There is a motion before us, Mr.
Prosecutor.
And a very nice motion it was.
But I'm afraid the state cannot agree with the sleek and able defense attorney.
Sleek? Did I say "sleek"? - "The state cannot agree with the sleek" All right, all right.
Just slipped out.
- Backward masking.
- I beg your pardon? That's what it's called when the devil hides his messages on recordings.
We're gonna have a discussion, aren't we? - It's not just rock 'n' roll, Your Honor.
- Mr.
Landon, I advise - The devil is after the mass audience.
- Mr.
Landon The truth is, this has been going on since the beginning of recorded music.
- Objection.
- Get her off my back.
- I'm trying to defend you, Mr.
Landon.
- You're beautiful when you're spunky.
- May I finish, Your Honor? - Go on.
- Objection.
- Overruled.
Boo.
Sir.
Your Honor, I advise my client to remain silent.
- Mr.
Landon, do you wanna talk to me? - Yes.
- Objection.
- Overruled.
- Go on, Mr.
Landon.
- Thank you - Objection.
- Stop me if you've heard this: Overruled.
He can't talk to my daughter that way.
He's a judge, honey.
In his courtroom, he can abuse anybody and force them to do whatever it is he wants.
For free.
Your Honor, if you allow me to use my tape machine, I can prove what I'm saying.
- What tape machine? - Oh, this one.
Yeah, real nice.
What kind of mileage you get with this thing? It can play tapes backwards, Your Honors.
- May I show you? By all means.
- Objection.
- You keep out of this.
- Thank you, Miss Sullivan.
You're welcome.
Objection.
I saw it coming.
- What grounds? - Irrelevancy.
Ooh, lovely choice.
Irrelevancy.
Your Honor, the devil has infiltrated the recordings of some of the biggest stars of all time.
Jolson, Como, Sinatra, Tormé.
Mel Tormé? The worst.
- No.
- Your Honor, this is absolutely insane.
Insane? Listen to this.
recording "Springtime of Love.
" Scary, huh? I'm afraid I didn't hear anything, Mr.
Landon.
What are you talking about? It was plain as day.
He said, "I am the devil.
The devil is good.
" No, it sounded more like: - Your Honor - I thought I heard the name Ozzie Nelson at one point.
- Your Honor.
What? I move that my client's testimony be stricken.
He's obviously a sick and distraught man, and I suggest he's mentally incompetent.
Now, is that a good point or what? Sir.
You will take your seat before I find you in contempt.
- Uh, Judge - Just a minute.
I will tolerate no such outbursts in my courtroom.
Listening to testimony is a serious and sometimes laborious process Don't tug on your judge when he is talking, Mac.
Sir, I'm afraid we've got trouble.
In front of me or behind me? Behind you, sir.
- It's Selma.
- Yeah? She's crawling into the courtroom.
- That's not usual.
- Oh, my God, Selma.
- We'll take a little break.
Your Honor - Later.
Recess.
- Sir, I just Miss Sullivan, whatever it is will wait.
One of my bailiffs just slithered into the courtroom and by golly, I wanna find out why.
Now, don't cry.
I never cry.
Right, you have breasts.
I forgot.
Christine.
How is she? Dusty, Harry.
Very dusty.
I'm surrounded by a forest of friends.
- She's stoned.
- Must be the anesthetic.
- Get her to my office.
We'll call her doctor.
Okay.
Come on.
Up we go.
Get as rough as you want, boys.
I'm numb.
Yo, judge.
Yeah? You're a scum.
Mister, I gave you one break already, but I'm warning you another remark like that, and I will cite you for contempt.
I hate your filthy, rotten, stinking, slime-soaked guts.
Close enough.
Mm-hm.
Yeah, doctor, we will.
Thank you.
Well, it is the anesthetic.
How do you feel, Selma? Like a little puppy, Harry.
A dead little puppy.
That's virgin wool she's drooling on.
She was supposed to stay in the recovery room for a couple of hours but when the nurse left the room, Selma got dressed and split.
How is she? Bull, is that you? I'm right here, Selma.
Don't worry.
Give me your hand, Bull.
Selma, thank God.
- Is she all right? - She'll be fine, Bernie.
I went down for a cup of coffee, and when I came back, they said she'd left.
I had to get back to work.
Selma, you know, you really should've taken the whole day off.
Any surgical procedure, no matter how small, can be Debilitating.
Don't lick.
I'm hungry.
- Can she eat, Your Honor? - Yeah, that's fine.
Doctor said to keep an eye on her, make sure she doesn't hurt herself.
Come on, Selma.
Let's go get that dinner I promised you.
Oh, you're a magical kind of guy, Bernie.
- Oh, Selma, l Bernie, please.
Don't talk.
I hate it when you talk.
Come on, let's go.
Nummy time.
- This should be fun.
You coming? - Maybe later.
Go ahead.
Have a good time.
Let me know when you're ready to start up again.
Yeah, I'm just gonna listen to a little forward Tormé, and then I'll be ready.
Okay.
You jailed my father.
Miss Sullivan to see you, sir.
What's this about jail and your father? I think she means the nut you cited for contempt.
Yes, that nut was my father.
No kidding.
Small world, ain't it? I wanna know what happened.
- Have some cocoa, talk about it.
- I don't want any cocoa.
- How about something cold? - I believe you finished off the Kool-Aid.
I don't want anything to drink.
I just wanna talk to you alone, sir.
Oh.
Well, I've got a few delicates to rinse out.
Excuse me.
Miss Sullivan, I had no idea that man was your father.
- Oh, yeah, sure.
- Now, calm down and we'll discuss this.
Calm down? I look like a fool in court, you throw my father in jail how do you expect me to calm down? - The Velvet Fog.
- What? - Mel Tormé.
This guy could soothe a charging rhino.
- You know, jazz singing - Look.
I know I may not be long for this job Hey, hey, I think you're gonna do a fine job as soon as you learn a couple of simple things.
Now, I assume you know the difference between jazz and pop singing.
I don't care what the difference is between jazz and pop singing.
Tell me you don't mean that.
Your Honor? - Oh, you're busy.
- No, Bull.
Come on in.
Bull, there's a piece of paper attached to you.
Selma stapled it to me.
Doesn't it hurt? Like the dickens, Your Honor.
I just stopped by to tell you I'm gonna take that contempt to processing.
Why don't you go talk to your father? If he apologizes, I'll release him.
My father? He will never apologize to you.
Get him some magazines, Bull.
He's a proud man, who, in his mind, simply defended his little girl from an unfair attack.
He will never apologize for that.
Make it a subscription.
- Okay, I'll talk to him.
- What a good idea.
Then I wanna see you both back here.
Yes, sir.
- Anything else, sir? - No.
Thanks, Bull.
Here you go, my darling.
The man is scum.
He always was scum.
He always will be scum.
Your Honor, my client says he's sorry.
I'd like to hear Mr.
Sullivan express those sentiments for himself.
I got a couple a sentiments here for you.
Your Honor, may I explain to my pigheaded client that under the rules of contempt, he may be imprisoned until he decides to comply? - I know all that.
Aphrodite told me.
- Who? She's a friend of your late mother's.
You got yourself a wonderful daughter here, Mr.
Sullivan.
Is that why you're trying to make a fool out of her in court? Daddy, he didn't make a fool of me.
I made a fool of myself.
Christine, don't let your dead mother hear you talk like that.
Technically, I was equipped.
But emotionally, I blew it, right? You were a bit, shall we say, overzealous.
- Runs in the family.
- Yeah, I noticed.
But what brought you to this conclusion? - I had a talk with my client, Landon.
- That creep with the tape recorder? - Did he touch you? - Daddy, stuff it.
He wants me to thank you.
- For what? - Yeah, for what? For listening to him.
He said it was the first time anybody had done that.
That's my job.
It's my job too, isn't it? Sustained.
- Pardon? - Your motion to have your client held over for psychiatric evaluation.
Your point was absolutely correct and obvious.
Congratulations on your first win.
What the hell happened? Your girl did good, Mr.
Sullivan.
Now, apologize to the man, Daddy, and let's get out of here.
Corporate law, that's what I told her.
That's where the money is.
Oh, Daddy, shut up.
You almost ruined today for me, just like you ruined my graduation.
- What'd he do? - He rushed up on-stage with a camera.
I need the close-up.
You needed a leash, Daddy.
Don't you understand? This was an important moment for me.
I was nervous as it was.
It was my first night in court.
I was dealing with an oddball judge.
They told you about the teeth, didn't they? - Christine, l - What? Christine, your father is trying to tell you that he is very proud of you in a criminal sort of way.
I, uh I guess I opened my big mouth enough for one day, huh? Sustained.
Forgive me, baby, will you? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too, Daddy.
Being a judge means never having to say you're sorry.
Your Honor I apologize for saying I hated your filthy, rotten, stinking, slime-soaked guts.
I feel I've been trashed by the best, Mr.
Sullivan.
Apology accepted.
You're free to go.
Thank you, Your Honor.
I better run.
Well, uh Break a leg, counselor.
Bye, Daddy.
Bye, peaches.
Christine? Great, I got you with a judge.
Quite a first day in court, huh? - Not exactly how I had pictured it.
- No, it never is.
You know, I'm sorry that you will not be with us permanently.
You are a good attorney.
I wish I could stay too.
I feel like I could learn here.
Well, you learn from any experience.
You gain knowledge through action.
Absorb confidence with time.
Our children would be blond.
I beg your pardon? Genetics.
It's my hobby.
We'll talk about it after work.
I'm gonna go check in on Selma, and then we'll tackle that backlog of injustice.
- Right, fine.
Your Honor? - Mm-hm.
Thank you for everything.
You are very welcome.
- Can I call you "peaches"? - No.
I didn't think so.
What is it? - I don't know.
But I saw a couple of wildebeest do that on National Geographic.
- How's it going? - I'm gonna boogie until I puke.
Selma, I want you to go home.
Can't.
Gotta go to work.
- Selma, you are in no condition to work.
Says you.
I haven't missed a day in 27 years, and I'm not gonna start now.
- Selma, I had no idea.
- Nobody had any idea.
Why the hell did you think it was that important for me to come back here today? My health? - Your Honor, this means a lot to her.
- Bull, she is in no shape to work.
Twenty-seven years without missing a day? Couldn't we let her just come in, perform one duty, and then take her home? You mean, like an official time at bat? Good Lord, it's the Lou Gehrig story.
Selma.
What? Take these bail reports to Bull.
Right.
Here.
Now take me home.

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