Northern Exposure s04e15 Episode Script
Learning Curve
You know Marilyn, by now, nothing should surprise me around here but someone seems to have left a stepladder standing out there in the middle of the street.
One of those really tall ones, like 12 feet tall maybe.
It's just standing there in the middle of the street.
I mean, why? What could they possibly have been reaching for? I mean, not that it's a traffic hazard.
I mean, what traffic, right? Right, well, I'll be in my office in the event that a patient should choose to darken our door.
I'm going on a vacation.
You are what? My check came in.
What are you talking about? What check? From our corporation.
You have a corporation? The Indians do.
The Indians have a corporation? $5,000! Uh-huh.
How? I mean, where does this come from? Different things.
Oil, timber, mutual funds.
How often do you get these? Every six months.
Twice a year? Twice a year you get a check for $5,000? Sometimes less.
Mutual funds did well this quarter.
$5,000.
I'm going to Seattle.
What? The gateway to Alaska.
I want an adventure.
Holling? Holling? You seen my leg warmers? You know, the ones with the pink tops and the green and white stripes? I got them last year.
Holling? Sorry, Shel, I couldn't hear you over the water.
What is it you're missing? Look what was shoved under our bed.
Some kid's school stuff.
Oh.
Whose is it? How did it get in our bedroom? Well Walt Beauchamp was up here last week snaking the drains.
Little Walt was with him.
Why would he shove his books under our bed? And you'd think he would have missed them by now.
I better give him a call.
Shelly.
Yeah, babe.
I'm afraid these things are mine.
These are yours? That's right.
I thought it was about time I finished up with my schooling.
High school.
Wow.
I would have figured a dude as old as you would have finished high school eons ago.
Well, I would have, but the truth is, you see the summer of '43, a buddy of mine, name of Lon Guysbert, and I we had a chance to lay railroad timbers outside of Dawson instead.
Paid top dollar.
And you never graduated.
The truth is, well, I feel you deserve the best, Shel straight across the board, and the best means having a man with a proper high school education.
I was going to surprise you once I actually got my diploma.
And you're hitting the books again after all this time.
Just for me? That is so cool.
And you are going to do it, too, Holling.
Because you're no doofus like Randy Tater.
Who? Randy Tater.
He dropped out of high school before the end of 11th grade.
He was as big as Hulk Hogan, only bigger.
He decided he was going to move south and play for the NFL.
Maybe he could have done it, too.
Except he got tanked at this party and fell off the front porch.
Totally trashed his knee.
No high school diploma, no NFL.
Now he's a bagboy at Safeway and the only uniform he's wearing is one of those aprons and little bow ties.
Hon, like the Fresh Prince says "Don't be a fool, stay in school.
" Come in.
Hello, Marilyn.
Hi.
How you doing? Good.
I brought you a few things for your trip.
You see, despite not having any money I've actually done a fair amount of traveling and I thought that you could benefit from my experience.
See, unless you have someone to tell you there are just certain things that you wouldn't know about.
Well, you're all packed, huh? Okay.
This is a neck pillow, believe it or not, for the plane, okay.
It's inflatable, and it secures your head so that when you're in an upright position you can sleep better.
Okay? Here we have Bazooka Joe.
This will neutralize the pressure in your inner ear, okay.
It's a popping that you'll feel when you take off and when you land.
It's a good thing.
All right, now this is very important.
This is a money belt, all right? Now, you put your traveler's checks in here, right? And this way, if your purse gets snatched, God forbid you won't lose all your money, okay? You did get traveler's checks, didn't you? No.
Look, muggers, okay, they smell cash on people.
They do.
They sniff it out, and they lock on, all right? With traveler's checks, you can get your funds replaced.
I want an adventure.
Yes, I know you do.
You deserve it, I understand.
But it should be a safe one that you can enjoy, don't you think? I mean, just going to a big city is an adventure.
And I know, granted Seattle is not New York, I mean I wouldn't even let you go to New York by yourself.
I wouldn't.
But still, these urban problems and dangers they go on everywhere.
I mean, even me.
I mean, look, I'm born and bred in the city and even I can be vulnerable to it.
One time, I'm walking along Riverside Drive, it's like 10:00 p.
m okay, and these two guys are coming in my direction on the other side of the street.
Well, they cross over, and, you know, I mean, my radar should have gone off but you know, who knows? I could have been thinking about the Munch exhibit at the Met and, well, they had a screwdriver and the next thing I know, they have my wallet and my watch.
And I'm not telling you this to alarm you.
You will have a very fine time.
I mean, you will.
If you just follow a few simple rules.
Now the first one is, number one, okay don't look anyone in the eye.
Like that.
Don't.
It's a challenge.
I don't know.
It's like a primal thing, and a lot of these city dwellers they exist on a very rudimentary and primal level, okay? And look, excuse me, something like this.
If you insist on carrying a purse like this loop the strap around your wrist, like so, okay and hold it close to your body.
Okay? Okay.
Okay, here.
I've arranged for a Town Car to meet you at the airport.
Yeah, and you're booked into a very nice and it's reasonably priced and centrally located, hotel.
The concierge, a Miss Schroeder, okay? So I guess that's it.
Also, why don't you give me a call when you get there, okay? No need to thank me, I mean I think as your employer I'd be remiss if I didn't concern myself with your welfare.
Okay? Just promise me that you'll do what I told you.
I want an adventure.
"I pledge allegiance to the flag "of the United States of America.
"And to the republic for which it stands "one nation, under God "indivisible with liberty and justice for all.
" Okay, well, I graded the homework that you sent me last week and on the whole you all did very, very well.
And the past tense of lie is lay, I-a-y.
Okay? You're doing beautifully on your spelling.
You just keep that up, okay? Okay, Holling you're still beginning too many sentences with participles.
You're also overusing the passive voice.
And here the colon and the semi-colon are not interchangeable.
Yes, ma'am, Miss Harris.
If you'd like, and you want to stay after class I'd be glad to help you with punctuation.
Yes, ma'am.
Now before I forget, I'd like to ask the 10 to 12 graders to do an essay for tomorrow.
And the subject will be "The most exciting thing that happened to me last summer.
" Okay? Not less than two pages.
And in addition to the new vocabulary words I want two similes and two metaphors.
All right, now we're going to move on to math review and we're going to start with multiplication we're gonna move on to long division and then we're going to work with decimals.
First off here, we have 84 times 37.
What is the product? Holling.
That's exactly right.
What is this? Well, that's how I figure, ma'am.
With your fingers? When I was just a pup, a fellow came to town with a medicine show.
He taught me how to do it.
Really? I've- The good thing is there's no way you can ever lose it.
Well, that would be 574.
That's incredible.
I've really, I've never seen anything like that before.
Well, thank you, ma'am.
You're welcome.
It's just that in the algebra and geometry sections of the equivalency test they're going to want to see all you're written work.
Oh.
Okay, we'll move on.
What is the product? Anyone? Hello? Fleischman, you here? Hey, Fleischman.
Hey, Fleischman I need your signature for these syringes and stuff.
All right.
Did you meet that new teacher? Jane? No.
Not that she's your type.
She flew support in Desert Storm.
Besides, she's smart and beautiful and just the kind of woman that would intimidate you.
Well, good for her.
What's wrong with you, Fleischman? You seem bitter and surly today.
What happened? Did you lose a golf ball? If you must know, it's Marilyn.
Marilyn? She's gone.
She went to Seattle, right? Ostensibly.
But the driver said that she never showed.
Driver? What driver? The one that I hired to meet her at the airport.
So what's the big deal? What's the big deal? This is a woman who hasn't ventured outside of a 200-mile radius of Cicely, Alaska.
She gets on a plane she flies alone into a major urban metropolis where she neither meets her driver nor checks into her hotel that's the big deal.
She's a grown woman, Fleischman.
Oh, boy.
What? This is Marilyn we're talking about.
She's not like you or me.
She hasn't been hardened or desensitized by urban life.
I just never should have let her go.
Oh, what? Just because she hasn't been raised in the concrete jungle of New York doesn't mean she can't survive a weekend away from home.
Let me remind you what happens to unsuspecting people in a city.
They get beaten senseless over bus fare.
They get pushed in front of subway cars.
They get- Fleischman all Seattle has is a monorail.
Wow, this is really chilling.
What? You.
Me? The veil has been lifted, the mask just ripped from your face.
For the first time, I see your true self and it's cold.
I mean, you were so cold, and you were so bleak.
This is endearing, Fleischman.
Really, this misplaced paternalistic concern.
I feel like I'm talking to an ice cube.
I can almost believe you're a human being.
Almost.
Not quite.
Thanks, Jo Anne, see you later.
Do you have any Q-tips? Over there.
Next to the drain cleaner.
Hello, Ruth-Anne.
Hello.
Hey, Maggie.
Oh, hi, Jane.
Did you meet Jane? No.
She's taking over for Ken Bronningham.
Really? Yes, she's a pilot, too.
She flew support in Desert Storm.
She refueled fighters in the air at night.
Wow.
Here you go.
And let me have a piece of that turkey jerky.
You know, I was thinking about how that really must have fried you watching all those jocks climb into their F-16s getting all the fun and glory.
What do you mean? Well, you know, that you were stuck in support that just because you're a woman you're not allowed to fly combat.
Come on, the last thing we need is women flying combat.
Do you have any AA batteries? They'll come in tomorrow.
Wait a minute.
Did you just say that women shouldn't fly combat? Can you imagine a woman's finger on the trigger of a Tomahawk missile? That will be $9.
25.
What's wrong with a woman's finger on the trigger of a Tomahawk missile? Come on.
Thank you.
What? We're irrational, emotional, unpredictable, unstable.
That's true.
I mean, it's mostly a hormone thing, really.
We're either getting our periods or we're having our periods or we're getting over having our periods.
I mean, a woman's got about two weeks a month of relative sanity and I'd say that's even a stretch for some, hmm? What? You're joking.
Well, it's really the least of it.
I mean, women just don't have that "bloodlust, warrior instinct" thing.
You know what I mean? It's not in their nature.
They're soft and mushy.
You just can't trust them to go for the kill.
So save me some of those batteries, huh, Ruth-Anne? See you, Maggie.
Bye, Ruth-Anne.
I like that girl, don't you? Whoa, cute.
Where did you pick that up, babe? Miss Harris gave them to all her students.
I thought I ought to make some kind of use out of it.
Jeez, they looked totally dorky on those geeks in Chess Club.
But a hunk like you can pull that look off, no sweat, hon.
Well, thanks, Shelly.
So, when do I get to read that big essay thing of yours? Shortly, Shelly.
Very shortly.
You finished it, didn't you? Oh, Shelly, that catalogue came in the one with all the bed linens in it.
And they have got this comforter from Germany and it's only $200.
You didn't finish it.
I beg your pardon? Well Shelly, honey, I just thought I ought to just come down here and put in a few hours.
You know, work things out in my mind.
I can't spend every waking minute on my homework when I've got a business to run.
You sure found time to yak with Dave.
You were in the kitchen for an hour.
Well, Dave's been having trouble at home since his brother-in-law moved in.
He needed a friend to confide in.
I couldn't very well turn him down, could I? You want to hang with your buds, that's boss but your homework comes first.
Is that a deal? Oh, Lord.
Excuse me, Shelly.
Good afternoon, Miss Harris.
What a surprise.
Hey, Holling.
Look, outside of class feel free to call me Jane.
Oh, yes ma'am.
You know, I was just on my way upstairs to put the finishing nails in on that assignment for tomorrow.
That's fine, Holling.
Can I get you something to eat or drink? Yeah, I'll have a Scotch.
A Scotch? Yeah, any single malt will do.
And you can make that a double.
Is something wrong, Holling? No, ma'am, it's just, well you're a teacher.
Well then a double it is, Miss Harris.
Jane.
Oh, right, Jane.
Would you like some pretzels to go with this? No, this I'll be fine.
What about some beer nuts? This will be fine.
Well, I guess then if you'll excuse me, I think I'll just take another whack at my homework.
All righty.
Well, would you please do me a favor and make sure that she calls me as soon as she gets in? You got that? What's your name? Ted.
All right, Ted, I am writing that down and I expect her to call, and I'm holding you responsible.
Thank you.
Hello, Dr.
Fleischman.
Ed, jeez.
Why do you sneak up on people like that? Sorry, Dr.
Fleischman.
Are you going through Marilyn's things? No.
Of course not.
I was looking for a stamp.
Well, I brought your office supplies.
And Ruth-Anne wanted me to be sure and tell you she got in a case of King Oscar Sardines.
Ed, let me ask you something.
If you went through the trouble to organize someone's vacation right, to insure that it was safe and enjoyable and worry-free I mean, is it unreasonable to expect a phone call? A simple, "I have arrived, everything's fine, thank you.
" I mean, is that too much to ask? Marilyn hasn't called yet.
No, she hasn't.
I mean, here, I book her into a nice hotel with a 24-hour doorman and the desk tells me that she hasn't even checked in.
Maybe her plane was late.
It touched down five minutes early, and she was on it because I have a positive identification from the flight attendant.
Well, I wouldn't worry, Dr.
Fleischman.
Well, I am not worried.
I just think that after all the trouble that I have gone through the least she could is acknowledge my efforts.
Well, I'm sure she's fine.
I told you, I'm not worried.
I'm What I am is, I'm irritated.
And besides, how am I supposed to treat patients if I'm busy answering the phone and covering the front office here.
Well, there's no one here, Dr.
Fleischman.
That's got nothing to do with it.
Marilyn was grossly irresponsible for leaving and she doesn't even have the decency to call me and tell me that she's okay.
She goes on vacation to a strange city grabs the wrong bag, and before she knows it she's kidnapped by ruthless arms dealers who would as soon slit her throat as let her go.
Frantic.
Roman Polanski, 1988.
I'll see you, Dr.
Fleischman.
"When we zoomed past Mercury, my parents caught on fire "and then I woke up in my own bed.
"The Earth hadn't broken out of its orbit "and we weren't really hurtling towards the sun.
"It had all just been a dream.
" That was very imaginative, Stuart.
Thank you.
You're welcome, ma'am.
Okay.
Okay, Holling.
Would it be okay if I just, well handed mine in? It's neat enough and easy to read.
Well, I think we'd all like to hear it in your voice.
Yes, ma'am.
"My most exciting day of last summer.
"I remember it was halfway through June "about the time of the month my kegs get dropped off "and I'd just finished piling my empties out back "when Oats Moncrieff came striding into my bar "like a skunk hound in a chicken coop.
"Twelve years earlier, Oats cut a man to ribbons over a pair of snowshoes "and I saw to it he was sent up the river "to Lemon Creek Correctional Facility.
"Now he was a free man, looking to even the score with me "his eyes blazing and crazy "like he made for the Springfield in his sling holster "and I knew I had only one shot at slowing him down.
"So I laid a bottle of rye whiskey upside his forehead "with him blinded by the blood and glass "I was atop Oats and in a flash "his rifle went off "and tore a hole in my shoulder as big as a fist.
"But I wrestled him to the floor anyway.
"His thumbs digging into my eyes "looking to scoop them out like dollops of ice cream.
"And me, I just kept slamming his skull against the brass rail "hoping it would bust wide, or at least he'd go slack on me.
"An hour later, when the authorities finally arrived "they found us both lying in a pool of our own blood "tapped white and unconscious "peaceful as newborn babes.
" The end.
That was very vivid, Holling.
Thank you.
Thank you, ma'am.
Okay then, so, who'd like to go next? Hello, Fleischman.
Things slow in the sawbones business or are you taking an early lunch? Look, I got to borrow some cash.
Well, sure, what can I spot you for? $800, actually.
Eight? What do you need that kind of wampum for? I got to get a plane ticket to Seattle.
You're not thinking of skipping out on us, are you? Maurice, yes, well, I think about it every waking moment of every day if you must know, more than sex, but it's Marilyn.
Not a word from her, nothing.
Well I hardly think that's cause for alarm.
Look, I've been through this with O'Connell.
I'm not going to argue about it, okay? I'm going to Seattle.
Joel, have you got any idea the odds against finding Marilyn in Seattle? Yeah, and I don't care, okay? I do not care.
Up here, my hands are tied, all right.
If I'm down there, and I'm combing the streets, at least Look, I wouldn't be so helpless, you know? All right.
I'm always ready to get behind a man with a sense of duty and a direction to take it in.
Okay, thank you, I appreciate it very much.
Let's see here.
That's Figure one "C" a week.
That's two, three, four.
That's one, five, six, seven, eight.
That makes two.
Wait a minute, two? Makes two what? I'm just a figuring the cash-time equivalents.
What are you saying? Well, this $800 adds two months to your medical duties here in Cicely, Joel.
What? Well, actually it's 63 no 64 days but since your heart's in the right place, I'm going to take up some of the slack.
You're going to make me work this off? Yeah, you're cash poor, Joel.
I'm doing you a favor.
You and this state, you've squeezed a fifth year out of me.
Now you want more? This is extortion, it's usury.
You want the money or not? Hi, Holling.
Come on in and have a seat.
Now, I based these student evaluations on a number of things.
Conduct, homework, and, of course, margin of improvement.
Now, I just have to say that consistently you are the best-behaved student in the class.
You're a real gentleman, Holling.
Thank you, ma'am.
And I find your approach to the assignments very refreshing.
You bring a wealth of life experience to your work.
Excuse me.
Yes? I'm not being a buttinski or anything, am I? Oh, no, we just got started.
Well, would you mind if I sort of sat in on Holling's conference? Seeing as I am, well, his squeeze and all.
By all means, Shelly.
Have a seat.
Thank you.
Okay, now, as I was about to say although I find Holling to be very bright his classroom work is not reflecting that.
I don't know if it's a lack of preparedness on your part or if you're not asking enough questions but whatever it is, Holling I'm afraid that you may not pass your equivalency test.
He's going to flunk? Well, no not flunk, exactly.
He'll just have to take the test over again.
Now, if there's a problem, Holling, in class or if there's anything that I can help you with.
Well, the truth is, I Well He's embarrassed.
You're embarrassed? It's all the attention he gets in class being the biggest kid and all.
Well, not kid, but, you know Holling's shy.
At his surprise party, everybody in town was there.
Holling spent the whole time in the kitchen mixing ice-cream drinks.
Shelly.
It's true.
Well, maybe, but you see, Miss Harris, it's like this.
When I was no more than six or seven I used to have this old piece of slate that broke off from our roof and a chunk of soap that I'd write on it with.
I used to go out into the woods and teach myself the ABC's.
Really? Yes, ma'am.
And eight miles over the Pelly Range there was this missionary's wife, Mrs.
Loy.
She used to lend me books on the sly.
Captain Courageous Children's Book of Verses, and things like that.
And so, I'd sit out under the trees in the birch leaves and the spruce needles all by myself.
Reading and writing down words I didn't know.
So you see, ma'am to me schooling has always been a solitary sort of thing with nothing but the grackles and the jays to pay me any mind.
And I guess I'm just having a hard time switching tracks.
Anyway, thank you for helping my Holling.
What's the problem? She's flying choppy above 8,000 feet.
What do you got here, a Continental? What is she, a 145? Yep.
145.
Well, it sounds like the air-fuel ratio is being affected or maybe it's your carburetor.
You know, some of these float-type carbs are fitted with a mixture control for altitude compensation.
Actually, I just think it's sediment in my fuel line.
But then the altitude wouldn't be affected by it.
You know, sometimes when atmosphere density gets reduced what happens is the stuff inside there, it gets a little gummy.
You know, a little sticky.
Unless the controls are working just perfect.
What? Something wrong? How could you say that? How could I say what? "Unstable, two good weeks a month.
"Won't go in for the kill.
"Women shouldn't fly combat.
" You actually said that.
"Women shouldn't fly combat.
" That's my opinion.
Your opinion? Well, that can't be your opinion.
Why not? Because you're a woman.
And you're a smart, competent, educated woman.
So? So where have you been the past 20 years? Haven't you heard of sisterhood? We're supposed to stick together.
Who is supposed to stick together? Women.
Oh, you're one of those.
One of what? You think just because we both presumably wear pantyhose and shave our legs that we're supposed to have the same opinions about things.
You see, I have my own ideas.
They're my ideas, and if you don't like it, that's just too bad and I'm not going to let you or any other sister dictate how I think or how I feel.
Oh, yeah, and another thing, sister I already have a sister, and you're not her.
I don't understand.
I used all the vocabulary words.
A "B" is good, Holling.
The little girl next to me, she wrote about Carlsbad Caverns and she got an "A.
" Not that I begrudge her that but my essay was twice as long and I used three metaphors.
Well, it says here your problem was with punctuation and run-on sentences.
I think you're lucky you didn't get nailed for neatness.
Look at this.
Yeah, well, I'm beginning to think that this whole thing is a waste of my time, Shel.
What? I can read, I can write.
Why do I need any more education? I've been balancing my own books for going on 30 years now.
So you figure you're set for life, huh? I already have a job, I'm content.
And no piece of paper is going to help or hinder that.
Besides why do I have to write about things that I already know, anyway or learn a new way to do my mathematics? Life's too short.
And you want to spend the rest of it knowing you pupped out on something this mega-important? That instead of going for the gusto, you bailed out? Well, I didn't exactly bail out.
Oh, don't give me that BS, Holling.
First you fail, then you bail.
It was the exact same thing at Miss NWP.
In the dressing room beforehand while all the gals are getting all dolled-up, you figure you're in there.
You got a chance.
You could be wearing that satin banner across your boobs just as easy as anyone.
But at dress rehearsal, you see what you're really up against.
and A's and sprayed up do's and shiny Vaseline smiles and you're going, "What's the point? "I'm dead meat.
" And bailing is the first thing you want to do but you don't.
And you know why? 'Cause all of a sudden it hits you.
Winning is major, sure, it's the bitchingest.
But mostly you're in it because just being in it is major enough.
Right? And if you weren't a winner, at least you were a contestant.
A contestant.
But if you quit, that's all you are a quitter.
Now, you know for a fact, she's here in Seattle.
One of the flight attendants, Miss Koontz positively identified her right down to what she was wearing.
And Ms.
Whirlwind's initial arrival at Sea-Tac.
Seat please.
Thanks.
Well, it was 9:00, Tuesday morning and it was on Anchorage, flight 394.
Also, I brought this picture.
Maybe this will help.
This is her on the left, holding a moose rack.
On viewer's left.
Dr.
Fleischman, the desk sergeant said that you suggested the possibility of foul play? Well, I mean, I don't know.
I'm not sure, I just Why else would she fail to meet my driver? May I offer you a possible scenario? Yeah, please.
Ms.
Whirlwind meets a gentleman at the airport cocktail lounge.
She has a few drinks, some laughs.
She's enjoying herself.
Next thing, she decides to forego her planned excursions for a weekend with her new friend.
We see this sort of thing all the time.
No, wait, look, you don't understand.
Marilyn is not the kind of woman to go traipsing off with some airport lounge lizard, okay? I mean, how do I say this? She's just not like other people.
No? No, she's better.
Better than what? Better than you and better than me.
Better than anyone.
She's I don't know, she's simple.
She's developmentally delayed? No, not that kind of simple.
On the contrary, she's very intelligent, insightful.
I mean, she's even brilliant at times.
I mean, when I say simple, I mean, like in an elegant way.
So was she suffering from depression before she left Alaska? I don't think so.
It's not that it's easy to tell.
She's kind of taciturn.
Taciturn? Yeah, but, I mean, it's in a good way.
Her silences actually speak volumes.
I see.
Is there anything else? Well, yeah, she's guileless.
I'm sorry? Guileless.
Without guile.
Dr.
Fleischman I sympathize with your concerns but at this point.
without extenuating circumstances all we have is a missing person.
And I can't file a formal report for another 24 hours.
I mean, do you realize what could happen to a person in 24 hours? I'm sorry, but those are the rules.
Well, isn't there anything that I can do? Well, as a private citizen I mean, you have every right to contact the coroner's office.
Okay, so after the electors' votes get all certified what happens? Then they get sent to Congress.
And? And Yeah, I got it the President of the Senate opens them.
And? And counts them.
All by himself? No.
No, he opens them in the presence of the Senate and of the House of Representatives.
On? January the 6th.
Primo.
Then what? Then what, what? What happens next? The new President Gets sworn in on the 20th of the same month.
You got this down cold.
Multiple choice, true, false, no matter what they throw at you you are going to ace this test.
You think so? I know so.
You're going to lay out your three-hole punch and your number two Ticonderogas and kick butt.
You want to take a break? I could give you a neck rub or make you some Swiss Miss or something? Thanks, Shel.
But if it's all the same with you I think I'd better keep pressing on.
Let's see getting into the census thing.
"Under Section 5, Title 13 of the US Code "the Secretary of Commerce has the authority to do what?" Oh, damn.
I put down Chester Arthur, and it's Hayes.
Well, that's at least two I got wrong.
Chill, Holling.
There's nothing you can do about it now.
Hi, Miss Harris.
Hi, Shel, Holling.
Ma'am.
You know, there's a few things I like about this job.
I like mountain hopping, and flexible hours and the fact that I don't have to fly out everything I flew in.
This is for you.
Oh, my.
Look, Shel.
"This certifies that Holling Gustav Vincoeur "has completed all necessary work "for the equivalent of a high school diploma in the State of Alaska.
" And it's even signed by the Governor himself.
Congratulations.
You did it, Holling.
And we're going to put it right over here.
In a boss frame with glass and everything.
So that everyone knows that a high school graduate honchos this joint.
Thank you for everything, ma'am.
It's my pleasure.
Take it easy.
Bye, Miss Harris.
I got to tell you, Shelly I haven't felt like this since I went bow hunting in the Territories and brought down that Barren Ground Caribou with a single arrow.
The Big H scores again.
Jane? Look, I want to say I still think you're wrong.
Didn't we have this conversation? No, no, no, wait.
What I really want to say is that I also think you're right.
About what? About opinions.
About agreeing to disagree.
I mean, as stupid as it is to believe that women don't have the constitution to be competent killers.
It's even stupider to think we're all going to have the same point of view.
So I apologize.
Apology accepted.
See you on the frontlines.
Okay.
Hi, I'll have one of those kielbasas, I guess.
Wait, hold on.
Marilyn? Marilyn! I did it! Yes! I found you.
I can't believe it! Are you all right? Uh-huh.
Man I've been looking everywhere for you.
I mean, these last few days, I got to tell you, it's been murder.
You didn't meet the driver, you didn't go to the hotel.
It's taken years off my life.
I can't believe I found you.
You must be surprised to see me here.
Not really.
Not really, Marilyn? Come on.
You've got to be wondering how I could possibly find you in a city this big without the slightest clue.
No.
No.
Over half a million people.
I can't believe it.
I actually found you.
This is amazing.
Now I almost gave up hope and then it hit me.
The only way that I was going to find you was to think like you.
So I started thinking, what would Marilyn do in Seattle, right? So I checked out some yarn shops the Indian art center at Discovery Park and bingo, I remembered the cranes, the ostriches, the zoo.
It made perfect sense.
Here you are.
I was right.
I just wanted a nice spot to eat lunch.
Yeah, well, eat lunch, whatever.
The point is, is that you're here and you're safe.
All right.
We still got most of the day left.
We can check out some sights.
I got this guidebook at the airport, and I marked some things.
Huh? Sound good? All right.
We could What about Pike Place Market? No.
Good, yeah.
Yeah, it sounds like South Street Seaport only a little more touristy.
All right, Japanese Garden.
We can look at rocks, just relax there.
No, you don't want to do that.
I guess you can do that at home, huh? This is your vacation, I understand.
All right, well, let's see here.
Hey, look, Seattle Rep's putting on Hedda Gabler.
How do you feel about Ibsen? Depressing.
Yeah, I guess he is.
Well, I don't know.
We could take in a movie.
No.
No? Well, the Sonics are playing the Lakers at the Coliseum.
A little hoop action? No.
We could check out the Asian Museum.
Wait, what about this?
One of those really tall ones, like 12 feet tall maybe.
It's just standing there in the middle of the street.
I mean, why? What could they possibly have been reaching for? I mean, not that it's a traffic hazard.
I mean, what traffic, right? Right, well, I'll be in my office in the event that a patient should choose to darken our door.
I'm going on a vacation.
You are what? My check came in.
What are you talking about? What check? From our corporation.
You have a corporation? The Indians do.
The Indians have a corporation? $5,000! Uh-huh.
How? I mean, where does this come from? Different things.
Oil, timber, mutual funds.
How often do you get these? Every six months.
Twice a year? Twice a year you get a check for $5,000? Sometimes less.
Mutual funds did well this quarter.
$5,000.
I'm going to Seattle.
What? The gateway to Alaska.
I want an adventure.
Holling? Holling? You seen my leg warmers? You know, the ones with the pink tops and the green and white stripes? I got them last year.
Holling? Sorry, Shel, I couldn't hear you over the water.
What is it you're missing? Look what was shoved under our bed.
Some kid's school stuff.
Oh.
Whose is it? How did it get in our bedroom? Well Walt Beauchamp was up here last week snaking the drains.
Little Walt was with him.
Why would he shove his books under our bed? And you'd think he would have missed them by now.
I better give him a call.
Shelly.
Yeah, babe.
I'm afraid these things are mine.
These are yours? That's right.
I thought it was about time I finished up with my schooling.
High school.
Wow.
I would have figured a dude as old as you would have finished high school eons ago.
Well, I would have, but the truth is, you see the summer of '43, a buddy of mine, name of Lon Guysbert, and I we had a chance to lay railroad timbers outside of Dawson instead.
Paid top dollar.
And you never graduated.
The truth is, well, I feel you deserve the best, Shel straight across the board, and the best means having a man with a proper high school education.
I was going to surprise you once I actually got my diploma.
And you're hitting the books again after all this time.
Just for me? That is so cool.
And you are going to do it, too, Holling.
Because you're no doofus like Randy Tater.
Who? Randy Tater.
He dropped out of high school before the end of 11th grade.
He was as big as Hulk Hogan, only bigger.
He decided he was going to move south and play for the NFL.
Maybe he could have done it, too.
Except he got tanked at this party and fell off the front porch.
Totally trashed his knee.
No high school diploma, no NFL.
Now he's a bagboy at Safeway and the only uniform he's wearing is one of those aprons and little bow ties.
Hon, like the Fresh Prince says "Don't be a fool, stay in school.
" Come in.
Hello, Marilyn.
Hi.
How you doing? Good.
I brought you a few things for your trip.
You see, despite not having any money I've actually done a fair amount of traveling and I thought that you could benefit from my experience.
See, unless you have someone to tell you there are just certain things that you wouldn't know about.
Well, you're all packed, huh? Okay.
This is a neck pillow, believe it or not, for the plane, okay.
It's inflatable, and it secures your head so that when you're in an upright position you can sleep better.
Okay? Here we have Bazooka Joe.
This will neutralize the pressure in your inner ear, okay.
It's a popping that you'll feel when you take off and when you land.
It's a good thing.
All right, now this is very important.
This is a money belt, all right? Now, you put your traveler's checks in here, right? And this way, if your purse gets snatched, God forbid you won't lose all your money, okay? You did get traveler's checks, didn't you? No.
Look, muggers, okay, they smell cash on people.
They do.
They sniff it out, and they lock on, all right? With traveler's checks, you can get your funds replaced.
I want an adventure.
Yes, I know you do.
You deserve it, I understand.
But it should be a safe one that you can enjoy, don't you think? I mean, just going to a big city is an adventure.
And I know, granted Seattle is not New York, I mean I wouldn't even let you go to New York by yourself.
I wouldn't.
But still, these urban problems and dangers they go on everywhere.
I mean, even me.
I mean, look, I'm born and bred in the city and even I can be vulnerable to it.
One time, I'm walking along Riverside Drive, it's like 10:00 p.
m okay, and these two guys are coming in my direction on the other side of the street.
Well, they cross over, and, you know, I mean, my radar should have gone off but you know, who knows? I could have been thinking about the Munch exhibit at the Met and, well, they had a screwdriver and the next thing I know, they have my wallet and my watch.
And I'm not telling you this to alarm you.
You will have a very fine time.
I mean, you will.
If you just follow a few simple rules.
Now the first one is, number one, okay don't look anyone in the eye.
Like that.
Don't.
It's a challenge.
I don't know.
It's like a primal thing, and a lot of these city dwellers they exist on a very rudimentary and primal level, okay? And look, excuse me, something like this.
If you insist on carrying a purse like this loop the strap around your wrist, like so, okay and hold it close to your body.
Okay? Okay.
Okay, here.
I've arranged for a Town Car to meet you at the airport.
Yeah, and you're booked into a very nice and it's reasonably priced and centrally located, hotel.
The concierge, a Miss Schroeder, okay? So I guess that's it.
Also, why don't you give me a call when you get there, okay? No need to thank me, I mean I think as your employer I'd be remiss if I didn't concern myself with your welfare.
Okay? Just promise me that you'll do what I told you.
I want an adventure.
"I pledge allegiance to the flag "of the United States of America.
"And to the republic for which it stands "one nation, under God "indivisible with liberty and justice for all.
" Okay, well, I graded the homework that you sent me last week and on the whole you all did very, very well.
And the past tense of lie is lay, I-a-y.
Okay? You're doing beautifully on your spelling.
You just keep that up, okay? Okay, Holling you're still beginning too many sentences with participles.
You're also overusing the passive voice.
And here the colon and the semi-colon are not interchangeable.
Yes, ma'am, Miss Harris.
If you'd like, and you want to stay after class I'd be glad to help you with punctuation.
Yes, ma'am.
Now before I forget, I'd like to ask the 10 to 12 graders to do an essay for tomorrow.
And the subject will be "The most exciting thing that happened to me last summer.
" Okay? Not less than two pages.
And in addition to the new vocabulary words I want two similes and two metaphors.
All right, now we're going to move on to math review and we're going to start with multiplication we're gonna move on to long division and then we're going to work with decimals.
First off here, we have 84 times 37.
What is the product? Holling.
That's exactly right.
What is this? Well, that's how I figure, ma'am.
With your fingers? When I was just a pup, a fellow came to town with a medicine show.
He taught me how to do it.
Really? I've- The good thing is there's no way you can ever lose it.
Well, that would be 574.
That's incredible.
I've really, I've never seen anything like that before.
Well, thank you, ma'am.
You're welcome.
It's just that in the algebra and geometry sections of the equivalency test they're going to want to see all you're written work.
Oh.
Okay, we'll move on.
What is the product? Anyone? Hello? Fleischman, you here? Hey, Fleischman.
Hey, Fleischman I need your signature for these syringes and stuff.
All right.
Did you meet that new teacher? Jane? No.
Not that she's your type.
She flew support in Desert Storm.
Besides, she's smart and beautiful and just the kind of woman that would intimidate you.
Well, good for her.
What's wrong with you, Fleischman? You seem bitter and surly today.
What happened? Did you lose a golf ball? If you must know, it's Marilyn.
Marilyn? She's gone.
She went to Seattle, right? Ostensibly.
But the driver said that she never showed.
Driver? What driver? The one that I hired to meet her at the airport.
So what's the big deal? What's the big deal? This is a woman who hasn't ventured outside of a 200-mile radius of Cicely, Alaska.
She gets on a plane she flies alone into a major urban metropolis where she neither meets her driver nor checks into her hotel that's the big deal.
She's a grown woman, Fleischman.
Oh, boy.
What? This is Marilyn we're talking about.
She's not like you or me.
She hasn't been hardened or desensitized by urban life.
I just never should have let her go.
Oh, what? Just because she hasn't been raised in the concrete jungle of New York doesn't mean she can't survive a weekend away from home.
Let me remind you what happens to unsuspecting people in a city.
They get beaten senseless over bus fare.
They get pushed in front of subway cars.
They get- Fleischman all Seattle has is a monorail.
Wow, this is really chilling.
What? You.
Me? The veil has been lifted, the mask just ripped from your face.
For the first time, I see your true self and it's cold.
I mean, you were so cold, and you were so bleak.
This is endearing, Fleischman.
Really, this misplaced paternalistic concern.
I feel like I'm talking to an ice cube.
I can almost believe you're a human being.
Almost.
Not quite.
Thanks, Jo Anne, see you later.
Do you have any Q-tips? Over there.
Next to the drain cleaner.
Hello, Ruth-Anne.
Hello.
Hey, Maggie.
Oh, hi, Jane.
Did you meet Jane? No.
She's taking over for Ken Bronningham.
Really? Yes, she's a pilot, too.
She flew support in Desert Storm.
She refueled fighters in the air at night.
Wow.
Here you go.
And let me have a piece of that turkey jerky.
You know, I was thinking about how that really must have fried you watching all those jocks climb into their F-16s getting all the fun and glory.
What do you mean? Well, you know, that you were stuck in support that just because you're a woman you're not allowed to fly combat.
Come on, the last thing we need is women flying combat.
Do you have any AA batteries? They'll come in tomorrow.
Wait a minute.
Did you just say that women shouldn't fly combat? Can you imagine a woman's finger on the trigger of a Tomahawk missile? That will be $9.
25.
What's wrong with a woman's finger on the trigger of a Tomahawk missile? Come on.
Thank you.
What? We're irrational, emotional, unpredictable, unstable.
That's true.
I mean, it's mostly a hormone thing, really.
We're either getting our periods or we're having our periods or we're getting over having our periods.
I mean, a woman's got about two weeks a month of relative sanity and I'd say that's even a stretch for some, hmm? What? You're joking.
Well, it's really the least of it.
I mean, women just don't have that "bloodlust, warrior instinct" thing.
You know what I mean? It's not in their nature.
They're soft and mushy.
You just can't trust them to go for the kill.
So save me some of those batteries, huh, Ruth-Anne? See you, Maggie.
Bye, Ruth-Anne.
I like that girl, don't you? Whoa, cute.
Where did you pick that up, babe? Miss Harris gave them to all her students.
I thought I ought to make some kind of use out of it.
Jeez, they looked totally dorky on those geeks in Chess Club.
But a hunk like you can pull that look off, no sweat, hon.
Well, thanks, Shelly.
So, when do I get to read that big essay thing of yours? Shortly, Shelly.
Very shortly.
You finished it, didn't you? Oh, Shelly, that catalogue came in the one with all the bed linens in it.
And they have got this comforter from Germany and it's only $200.
You didn't finish it.
I beg your pardon? Well Shelly, honey, I just thought I ought to just come down here and put in a few hours.
You know, work things out in my mind.
I can't spend every waking minute on my homework when I've got a business to run.
You sure found time to yak with Dave.
You were in the kitchen for an hour.
Well, Dave's been having trouble at home since his brother-in-law moved in.
He needed a friend to confide in.
I couldn't very well turn him down, could I? You want to hang with your buds, that's boss but your homework comes first.
Is that a deal? Oh, Lord.
Excuse me, Shelly.
Good afternoon, Miss Harris.
What a surprise.
Hey, Holling.
Look, outside of class feel free to call me Jane.
Oh, yes ma'am.
You know, I was just on my way upstairs to put the finishing nails in on that assignment for tomorrow.
That's fine, Holling.
Can I get you something to eat or drink? Yeah, I'll have a Scotch.
A Scotch? Yeah, any single malt will do.
And you can make that a double.
Is something wrong, Holling? No, ma'am, it's just, well you're a teacher.
Well then a double it is, Miss Harris.
Jane.
Oh, right, Jane.
Would you like some pretzels to go with this? No, this I'll be fine.
What about some beer nuts? This will be fine.
Well, I guess then if you'll excuse me, I think I'll just take another whack at my homework.
All righty.
Well, would you please do me a favor and make sure that she calls me as soon as she gets in? You got that? What's your name? Ted.
All right, Ted, I am writing that down and I expect her to call, and I'm holding you responsible.
Thank you.
Hello, Dr.
Fleischman.
Ed, jeez.
Why do you sneak up on people like that? Sorry, Dr.
Fleischman.
Are you going through Marilyn's things? No.
Of course not.
I was looking for a stamp.
Well, I brought your office supplies.
And Ruth-Anne wanted me to be sure and tell you she got in a case of King Oscar Sardines.
Ed, let me ask you something.
If you went through the trouble to organize someone's vacation right, to insure that it was safe and enjoyable and worry-free I mean, is it unreasonable to expect a phone call? A simple, "I have arrived, everything's fine, thank you.
" I mean, is that too much to ask? Marilyn hasn't called yet.
No, she hasn't.
I mean, here, I book her into a nice hotel with a 24-hour doorman and the desk tells me that she hasn't even checked in.
Maybe her plane was late.
It touched down five minutes early, and she was on it because I have a positive identification from the flight attendant.
Well, I wouldn't worry, Dr.
Fleischman.
Well, I am not worried.
I just think that after all the trouble that I have gone through the least she could is acknowledge my efforts.
Well, I'm sure she's fine.
I told you, I'm not worried.
I'm What I am is, I'm irritated.
And besides, how am I supposed to treat patients if I'm busy answering the phone and covering the front office here.
Well, there's no one here, Dr.
Fleischman.
That's got nothing to do with it.
Marilyn was grossly irresponsible for leaving and she doesn't even have the decency to call me and tell me that she's okay.
She goes on vacation to a strange city grabs the wrong bag, and before she knows it she's kidnapped by ruthless arms dealers who would as soon slit her throat as let her go.
Frantic.
Roman Polanski, 1988.
I'll see you, Dr.
Fleischman.
"When we zoomed past Mercury, my parents caught on fire "and then I woke up in my own bed.
"The Earth hadn't broken out of its orbit "and we weren't really hurtling towards the sun.
"It had all just been a dream.
" That was very imaginative, Stuart.
Thank you.
You're welcome, ma'am.
Okay.
Okay, Holling.
Would it be okay if I just, well handed mine in? It's neat enough and easy to read.
Well, I think we'd all like to hear it in your voice.
Yes, ma'am.
"My most exciting day of last summer.
"I remember it was halfway through June "about the time of the month my kegs get dropped off "and I'd just finished piling my empties out back "when Oats Moncrieff came striding into my bar "like a skunk hound in a chicken coop.
"Twelve years earlier, Oats cut a man to ribbons over a pair of snowshoes "and I saw to it he was sent up the river "to Lemon Creek Correctional Facility.
"Now he was a free man, looking to even the score with me "his eyes blazing and crazy "like he made for the Springfield in his sling holster "and I knew I had only one shot at slowing him down.
"So I laid a bottle of rye whiskey upside his forehead "with him blinded by the blood and glass "I was atop Oats and in a flash "his rifle went off "and tore a hole in my shoulder as big as a fist.
"But I wrestled him to the floor anyway.
"His thumbs digging into my eyes "looking to scoop them out like dollops of ice cream.
"And me, I just kept slamming his skull against the brass rail "hoping it would bust wide, or at least he'd go slack on me.
"An hour later, when the authorities finally arrived "they found us both lying in a pool of our own blood "tapped white and unconscious "peaceful as newborn babes.
" The end.
That was very vivid, Holling.
Thank you.
Thank you, ma'am.
Okay then, so, who'd like to go next? Hello, Fleischman.
Things slow in the sawbones business or are you taking an early lunch? Look, I got to borrow some cash.
Well, sure, what can I spot you for? $800, actually.
Eight? What do you need that kind of wampum for? I got to get a plane ticket to Seattle.
You're not thinking of skipping out on us, are you? Maurice, yes, well, I think about it every waking moment of every day if you must know, more than sex, but it's Marilyn.
Not a word from her, nothing.
Well I hardly think that's cause for alarm.
Look, I've been through this with O'Connell.
I'm not going to argue about it, okay? I'm going to Seattle.
Joel, have you got any idea the odds against finding Marilyn in Seattle? Yeah, and I don't care, okay? I do not care.
Up here, my hands are tied, all right.
If I'm down there, and I'm combing the streets, at least Look, I wouldn't be so helpless, you know? All right.
I'm always ready to get behind a man with a sense of duty and a direction to take it in.
Okay, thank you, I appreciate it very much.
Let's see here.
That's Figure one "C" a week.
That's two, three, four.
That's one, five, six, seven, eight.
That makes two.
Wait a minute, two? Makes two what? I'm just a figuring the cash-time equivalents.
What are you saying? Well, this $800 adds two months to your medical duties here in Cicely, Joel.
What? Well, actually it's 63 no 64 days but since your heart's in the right place, I'm going to take up some of the slack.
You're going to make me work this off? Yeah, you're cash poor, Joel.
I'm doing you a favor.
You and this state, you've squeezed a fifth year out of me.
Now you want more? This is extortion, it's usury.
You want the money or not? Hi, Holling.
Come on in and have a seat.
Now, I based these student evaluations on a number of things.
Conduct, homework, and, of course, margin of improvement.
Now, I just have to say that consistently you are the best-behaved student in the class.
You're a real gentleman, Holling.
Thank you, ma'am.
And I find your approach to the assignments very refreshing.
You bring a wealth of life experience to your work.
Excuse me.
Yes? I'm not being a buttinski or anything, am I? Oh, no, we just got started.
Well, would you mind if I sort of sat in on Holling's conference? Seeing as I am, well, his squeeze and all.
By all means, Shelly.
Have a seat.
Thank you.
Okay, now, as I was about to say although I find Holling to be very bright his classroom work is not reflecting that.
I don't know if it's a lack of preparedness on your part or if you're not asking enough questions but whatever it is, Holling I'm afraid that you may not pass your equivalency test.
He's going to flunk? Well, no not flunk, exactly.
He'll just have to take the test over again.
Now, if there's a problem, Holling, in class or if there's anything that I can help you with.
Well, the truth is, I Well He's embarrassed.
You're embarrassed? It's all the attention he gets in class being the biggest kid and all.
Well, not kid, but, you know Holling's shy.
At his surprise party, everybody in town was there.
Holling spent the whole time in the kitchen mixing ice-cream drinks.
Shelly.
It's true.
Well, maybe, but you see, Miss Harris, it's like this.
When I was no more than six or seven I used to have this old piece of slate that broke off from our roof and a chunk of soap that I'd write on it with.
I used to go out into the woods and teach myself the ABC's.
Really? Yes, ma'am.
And eight miles over the Pelly Range there was this missionary's wife, Mrs.
Loy.
She used to lend me books on the sly.
Captain Courageous Children's Book of Verses, and things like that.
And so, I'd sit out under the trees in the birch leaves and the spruce needles all by myself.
Reading and writing down words I didn't know.
So you see, ma'am to me schooling has always been a solitary sort of thing with nothing but the grackles and the jays to pay me any mind.
And I guess I'm just having a hard time switching tracks.
Anyway, thank you for helping my Holling.
What's the problem? She's flying choppy above 8,000 feet.
What do you got here, a Continental? What is she, a 145? Yep.
145.
Well, it sounds like the air-fuel ratio is being affected or maybe it's your carburetor.
You know, some of these float-type carbs are fitted with a mixture control for altitude compensation.
Actually, I just think it's sediment in my fuel line.
But then the altitude wouldn't be affected by it.
You know, sometimes when atmosphere density gets reduced what happens is the stuff inside there, it gets a little gummy.
You know, a little sticky.
Unless the controls are working just perfect.
What? Something wrong? How could you say that? How could I say what? "Unstable, two good weeks a month.
"Won't go in for the kill.
"Women shouldn't fly combat.
" You actually said that.
"Women shouldn't fly combat.
" That's my opinion.
Your opinion? Well, that can't be your opinion.
Why not? Because you're a woman.
And you're a smart, competent, educated woman.
So? So where have you been the past 20 years? Haven't you heard of sisterhood? We're supposed to stick together.
Who is supposed to stick together? Women.
Oh, you're one of those.
One of what? You think just because we both presumably wear pantyhose and shave our legs that we're supposed to have the same opinions about things.
You see, I have my own ideas.
They're my ideas, and if you don't like it, that's just too bad and I'm not going to let you or any other sister dictate how I think or how I feel.
Oh, yeah, and another thing, sister I already have a sister, and you're not her.
I don't understand.
I used all the vocabulary words.
A "B" is good, Holling.
The little girl next to me, she wrote about Carlsbad Caverns and she got an "A.
" Not that I begrudge her that but my essay was twice as long and I used three metaphors.
Well, it says here your problem was with punctuation and run-on sentences.
I think you're lucky you didn't get nailed for neatness.
Look at this.
Yeah, well, I'm beginning to think that this whole thing is a waste of my time, Shel.
What? I can read, I can write.
Why do I need any more education? I've been balancing my own books for going on 30 years now.
So you figure you're set for life, huh? I already have a job, I'm content.
And no piece of paper is going to help or hinder that.
Besides why do I have to write about things that I already know, anyway or learn a new way to do my mathematics? Life's too short.
And you want to spend the rest of it knowing you pupped out on something this mega-important? That instead of going for the gusto, you bailed out? Well, I didn't exactly bail out.
Oh, don't give me that BS, Holling.
First you fail, then you bail.
It was the exact same thing at Miss NWP.
In the dressing room beforehand while all the gals are getting all dolled-up, you figure you're in there.
You got a chance.
You could be wearing that satin banner across your boobs just as easy as anyone.
But at dress rehearsal, you see what you're really up against.
and A's and sprayed up do's and shiny Vaseline smiles and you're going, "What's the point? "I'm dead meat.
" And bailing is the first thing you want to do but you don't.
And you know why? 'Cause all of a sudden it hits you.
Winning is major, sure, it's the bitchingest.
But mostly you're in it because just being in it is major enough.
Right? And if you weren't a winner, at least you were a contestant.
A contestant.
But if you quit, that's all you are a quitter.
Now, you know for a fact, she's here in Seattle.
One of the flight attendants, Miss Koontz positively identified her right down to what she was wearing.
And Ms.
Whirlwind's initial arrival at Sea-Tac.
Seat please.
Thanks.
Well, it was 9:00, Tuesday morning and it was on Anchorage, flight 394.
Also, I brought this picture.
Maybe this will help.
This is her on the left, holding a moose rack.
On viewer's left.
Dr.
Fleischman, the desk sergeant said that you suggested the possibility of foul play? Well, I mean, I don't know.
I'm not sure, I just Why else would she fail to meet my driver? May I offer you a possible scenario? Yeah, please.
Ms.
Whirlwind meets a gentleman at the airport cocktail lounge.
She has a few drinks, some laughs.
She's enjoying herself.
Next thing, she decides to forego her planned excursions for a weekend with her new friend.
We see this sort of thing all the time.
No, wait, look, you don't understand.
Marilyn is not the kind of woman to go traipsing off with some airport lounge lizard, okay? I mean, how do I say this? She's just not like other people.
No? No, she's better.
Better than what? Better than you and better than me.
Better than anyone.
She's I don't know, she's simple.
She's developmentally delayed? No, not that kind of simple.
On the contrary, she's very intelligent, insightful.
I mean, she's even brilliant at times.
I mean, when I say simple, I mean, like in an elegant way.
So was she suffering from depression before she left Alaska? I don't think so.
It's not that it's easy to tell.
She's kind of taciturn.
Taciturn? Yeah, but, I mean, it's in a good way.
Her silences actually speak volumes.
I see.
Is there anything else? Well, yeah, she's guileless.
I'm sorry? Guileless.
Without guile.
Dr.
Fleischman I sympathize with your concerns but at this point.
without extenuating circumstances all we have is a missing person.
And I can't file a formal report for another 24 hours.
I mean, do you realize what could happen to a person in 24 hours? I'm sorry, but those are the rules.
Well, isn't there anything that I can do? Well, as a private citizen I mean, you have every right to contact the coroner's office.
Okay, so after the electors' votes get all certified what happens? Then they get sent to Congress.
And? And Yeah, I got it the President of the Senate opens them.
And? And counts them.
All by himself? No.
No, he opens them in the presence of the Senate and of the House of Representatives.
On? January the 6th.
Primo.
Then what? Then what, what? What happens next? The new President Gets sworn in on the 20th of the same month.
You got this down cold.
Multiple choice, true, false, no matter what they throw at you you are going to ace this test.
You think so? I know so.
You're going to lay out your three-hole punch and your number two Ticonderogas and kick butt.
You want to take a break? I could give you a neck rub or make you some Swiss Miss or something? Thanks, Shel.
But if it's all the same with you I think I'd better keep pressing on.
Let's see getting into the census thing.
"Under Section 5, Title 13 of the US Code "the Secretary of Commerce has the authority to do what?" Oh, damn.
I put down Chester Arthur, and it's Hayes.
Well, that's at least two I got wrong.
Chill, Holling.
There's nothing you can do about it now.
Hi, Miss Harris.
Hi, Shel, Holling.
Ma'am.
You know, there's a few things I like about this job.
I like mountain hopping, and flexible hours and the fact that I don't have to fly out everything I flew in.
This is for you.
Oh, my.
Look, Shel.
"This certifies that Holling Gustav Vincoeur "has completed all necessary work "for the equivalent of a high school diploma in the State of Alaska.
" And it's even signed by the Governor himself.
Congratulations.
You did it, Holling.
And we're going to put it right over here.
In a boss frame with glass and everything.
So that everyone knows that a high school graduate honchos this joint.
Thank you for everything, ma'am.
It's my pleasure.
Take it easy.
Bye, Miss Harris.
I got to tell you, Shelly I haven't felt like this since I went bow hunting in the Territories and brought down that Barren Ground Caribou with a single arrow.
The Big H scores again.
Jane? Look, I want to say I still think you're wrong.
Didn't we have this conversation? No, no, no, wait.
What I really want to say is that I also think you're right.
About what? About opinions.
About agreeing to disagree.
I mean, as stupid as it is to believe that women don't have the constitution to be competent killers.
It's even stupider to think we're all going to have the same point of view.
So I apologize.
Apology accepted.
See you on the frontlines.
Okay.
Hi, I'll have one of those kielbasas, I guess.
Wait, hold on.
Marilyn? Marilyn! I did it! Yes! I found you.
I can't believe it! Are you all right? Uh-huh.
Man I've been looking everywhere for you.
I mean, these last few days, I got to tell you, it's been murder.
You didn't meet the driver, you didn't go to the hotel.
It's taken years off my life.
I can't believe I found you.
You must be surprised to see me here.
Not really.
Not really, Marilyn? Come on.
You've got to be wondering how I could possibly find you in a city this big without the slightest clue.
No.
No.
Over half a million people.
I can't believe it.
I actually found you.
This is amazing.
Now I almost gave up hope and then it hit me.
The only way that I was going to find you was to think like you.
So I started thinking, what would Marilyn do in Seattle, right? So I checked out some yarn shops the Indian art center at Discovery Park and bingo, I remembered the cranes, the ostriches, the zoo.
It made perfect sense.
Here you are.
I was right.
I just wanted a nice spot to eat lunch.
Yeah, well, eat lunch, whatever.
The point is, is that you're here and you're safe.
All right.
We still got most of the day left.
We can check out some sights.
I got this guidebook at the airport, and I marked some things.
Huh? Sound good? All right.
We could What about Pike Place Market? No.
Good, yeah.
Yeah, it sounds like South Street Seaport only a little more touristy.
All right, Japanese Garden.
We can look at rocks, just relax there.
No, you don't want to do that.
I guess you can do that at home, huh? This is your vacation, I understand.
All right, well, let's see here.
Hey, look, Seattle Rep's putting on Hedda Gabler.
How do you feel about Ibsen? Depressing.
Yeah, I guess he is.
Well, I don't know.
We could take in a movie.
No.
No? Well, the Sonics are playing the Lakers at the Coliseum.
A little hoop action? No.
We could check out the Asian Museum.
Wait, what about this?