One Mississippi (2015) s02e04 Episode Script
Who Do You Think You Are?
1 One Mississippi 2x04 "Who Do You Think You Are?" Jambalaya, crawfish pie, file' gumbo 'Cause tonight I'm gonna see my ma chere Amie-o Pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be gay-o Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou How about when a person keeps on sneezing? Like a-choo, a-choo, a-choo.
It's like, how many times do I have to keep on saying God Bless you? I say it every time they sneeze.
'Cause I just want to say, - quit sneezing, a-hole! - Oh, no! Donkey, you could never be a doctor.
- Good morning.
- Hello.
Call in an let us know what you think.
Is there such a thing as too many God bless yous? They are hilarious, don't you think? I just love how much you love 'em.
Good morning, crowd of humans.
Wait, is this a cooking challenge? No, Desiree and I are making you breakfast to thank you both for your hospitality.
There's buttermilk pancakes, bacon, and biscuits and gravy, That's so nice, but I don't think I've made it back to that level of the food pyramid yet, so I think I'm gonna stick with my smoothie.
And I always have my frozen microwavable breakfast sandwich.
There is a portable vacuum in the pantry for when you're finished.
Come on, all I do is fart.
Ugh, I'm sorry.
I cannot take their voices.
They work in the same studio as me, so I hear them barking at each other down the hall every day.
You know Donkey, Kev, and Bec in the morning? Could you get their autograph for my collection? Yeah, I'll get right on that.
Um no big deal, but uh, I'm all over this piece of paper that people read with their eyeballs.
- Wow, Tig! - Congratulations, Tig.
The Times-Press does not interview just anybody.
I kind of feel like they do but it still feels good.
We got a famous person in the family, Rem.
Tig, you didn't use your pretty picture face.
This one? Yeah, that one.
What's this? Oh, you found my stash.
Oh, sorry, Bill, I ran out of room in my freezer.
I was going to buy a bigger one this week.
Des needed room for her breast milk.
She sells it on-line.
I make sure to only sell to women.
You know, 'cause of the fetish stuff.
Is the heat on? Yes, the wiring is compatible.
I checked all that.
- I gotta get Tini up.
- Okay.
Hey, can you and Bill please be nicer to Desiree? Okay, I'm just confused why she's so Here.
She and Destiny moved in with me.
We're in love.
So it'd be great if y'all could accept her into your lives.
I didn't know she was in my life.
Well, she is, she's part of our family now, and so is the baby.
So I'm an aunt.
You're the one that told me I should go out with her.
One date.
I mean, I don't even understand what's going on with you.
Your sudden religious zeal.
Your immediate cohabitation with a person who appears to be extremely different from you.
I mean She is not extremely different that me.
What would Jesus cook? I mean, would Jesus even cook? I mean, wouldn't he just turn something into dinner? Who cares about some stupid detail like her apron, Tig? Details add up to create a whole.
Yeah, of a person you don't even know.
Neither do you.
That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, and I didn't ask your advice, that's all I'm saying.
So you're not having some sort of breakdown? No, Tig, this is me, happy.
We've been inundated with emails about New Zealand.
Apparently, it's one of the friendliest countries in the world.
Oh, well then it would be a perfect place for us to be friends.
Do you want to talk more about that? No.
I mean, unless you've revised your position on things.
Well, I'll let you know when I do.
If I do.
Mm-hmm.
There's universal health care, there's no jellyfish, snakes or lime ticks.
Oh, well, forget it.
I love lime ticks.
I'm farting right now, dude.
Stop farting.
And don't brag about farting.
- Never stop farting.
- Hey, Bec wanted to say hi.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Pull it together.
There's no obnoxious morning shows in Auckland.
Well, how could there be if there's no lime ticks.
Hey, how about that write-up in the paper? My Google alerts are dinging off the hook.
You getting stopped in the streets yet? No, just frisked.
Well, let me know if you need security, I know a guy.
Oh, okay, we could use a bouncer to keep Donkey, Kev and Bec out of our way.
- Please.
- I'm on it.
Oh, also, Cassandra Knight is playing a secret show this evening at Tip-or-Tinas and she called to invite you specifically, Tig.
She's a fan.
- Cassandra Knight is a fan? - Uh-huh.
I'm a fan.
I've been listening to her forever.
Then let's go.
Kate, you in? Oh, Kate doesn't like music.
That's right, but I do love crowds, though.
I'm in.
Just stick her in the hamper and bring her down with the laundry! Bill.
Forgive me for intruding.
I know the 11:00 hour is a productive one.
I'm seeking your council regarding a roadblock with the Nest.
What is the difficulty? I correctly set the schedule for my preferred temperature and times.
It's behaving as if I had not.
Did you set it on the thermostat itself, - or on the app? - I tried both.
It continues to go rogue.
Well, does it start at the time for which it was set? Yes, but the time that it is set is not the time for which I set it.
Well, if it starts at the time for which it was set, it is not defective.
You simply have not mastered how to set it.
Oh? The dial is sensitive, but accurate.
I suggest you try setting it again.
I have already reset it twice.
Then do it once more and this time take extra care to do it correctly.
It would be impossible for me to take more care than I already have.
Feel free to call me if that does not work.
I can assure you, it will not.
Hmm.
Oh, time, it'll wait it'll wait It'll wait for you and me, yeah Oh, time, it'll wait it'll wait She sounds incredible.
Doesn't she have an amazing stage presence? Yeah, I don't know.
I guess.
Oh, time, oh time I'm gonna go get a drink.
You guys want? - I'm good.
- I'll go with you.
Protect you from the hoards.
Thanks, I am just a girl, after all.
Well, will you let me be a gentleman, please? Okay, well, if that's what you need.
Okay, what's your pleasure? Uh, I will have whatever red wine you have.
No, come on, don't order red wine, order something fun.
What's fun? Give her a Bayou Swamp Water.
- Dr.
John.
- Hey.
How are you doing? - Good.
- Wow, Dr.
John? So nice to meet you.
Dr.
John used to tour with Cassandra.
Kate's a producer on that show "In the Moment with Tig and Kate".
- Wow.
- This is the Kate.
- I love that show.
- Wow.
- Great meeting you, Kate.
- Thank you.
Dr.
John.
Wow.
Can't believe he's listening to the show.
Yeah, guys like Dr.
John love the show thanks in part to you.
- Oh - You're an excellent producer.
- You're so good with Tig.
- Oh, thanks.
But it's all her.
If you have any other ideas that you want to pitch, Ezra and I are always developing new shows.
Well, Tig and I actually have this idea where we move to New Zealand to escape Trump.
And then while we're there we have a radio show where we talked about being ex-pats and what our new life is like.
That's funny, I love it.
Let's do it.
Seriously, come in and pitch it to me in more detail some time.
- Sure, that'd be great.
- Yeah.
- Cheers.
- Oh Thank you.
Thank you for coming out tonight.
See you.
Jack, so glad you came.
Hey.
Tig, hi, I'm so happy you came.
Me too, I've been wanting to see you live forever, and you were incredible.
Thanks.
Okay, I have to fan girl on you, because I live for your show.
Thank you so much for talking about coming out.
We need more full-on true blue queers talking, you know what I'm saying? I love how you make my gayness sound patriotic.
I would argue that it is.
Hey, would you want to come be a guest on the show? Are you kidding? I would love that.
Please.
I have to make a request.
Could you please play "Deepest Blue"? That song got me through some of the darkest weeks after I was diagnosed with cancer.
I just listened to it non-stop.
I wrote that song about my mother's battle with cancer.
No way.
I had no idea.
Yeah, I was going through a tough time, and then one day the song just sort of flew out of me.
It was right before I didn't I don't know.
What? No, it's just, like I was going to say it was before she died, and I felt weird saying that because Mmm, no, you can tell me that.
I'm sorry for your loss.
My mother passed away recently, too.
That's right, yeah, I heard that from your show.
- I'm so sorry.
- Mmm.
Thanks.
Damn, we really just jumped right in, didn't we? We sure did.
What are you doing? Excuse me, but what are you doing? Women get colder than men because all the blood goes to the womb, so sometimes I turn the heat up but then it's like someone else turns it back down.
That someone is me.
Oh, heck, we've been canceling each other out.
I thought the device wasn't working properly.
And I was very rude to my friend because of you.
Oh, shoot.
Well, I will take the blame, I don't mind.
You tell your friend it was me.
- It was you.
- See, there you go.
Now we know we just got to have it an eense bit warmer in here and we'll never have to fiddle with it again.
That was fun last night.
Yeah, you had a good time? I did.
I told Jack about our New Zealand idea and he loved it and he wants us to come in and pitch it in more detail.
Oh, that's so cool.
What's that for? Cassandra and I really hit it off last night, and I invited her in to be a guest on the show today.
A guest? Cool.
Yeah.
So, does that mean I shouldn't talk? Oh, no, not at all.
Let's just see what happens.
Okay.
Do you need help with that? No, I think I got it.
So you had fun with Jack, hmm? You and Jack, you have a vibe going? Oh my God, no.
He's such a guy.
I thought that was the point.
No, no, you know.
He's such a guy guy.
You know, like just very male.
Not enough of a narcissist for you? So this is where the magic happens? I'm so excited.
Cassandra Knight? What's up? And who might this be? - That's Donkey.
- Hi, Donkey.
When I heard it through the California Raisins that Cassandra Knight was going to be here, I had to bust my ass down here and get an autograph.
I am such a huge fan.
Yeah, I bought your Cd at Starbucks the one time and it started my great love affair with buying music at Starbucks.
How kind.
You collect autographs? Only of people who I greatly admire.
It's so satisfying, collecting autographs.
It's actually kind of a lost art form.
I don't know if I'd call it that.
So great to meet you.
Yeah.
What was his name again? Donkey Dick? It should be.
Hello? Felicia, Bill Flanagan.
Hello, Bill.
I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for my tone of frustration yesterday.
I was not frustrated with you, but the situation.
I understand.
I, too, detest feeling foiled by a computer.
Well, to make it up to you, may I take you out to dinner? You may.
- Very well, then.
- Very.
- This evening? - Yes.
I will see you in the elevator.
I look forward to it.
I had these two friends in Junior High School, uh, Curtis and J.
T.
They were the best of friends, and in seventh grade, their mothers fell in love, left their husbands and moved in together with the kids.
And at first, J.
T.
and Curtis thought this was the coolest thing.
It was essentially like a never-ending sleepover.
It's like every kid's dream.
Yeah, a game of monopoly would go on for five days because it could.
And so was little gay Tig blown away by two moms in love? Well, a couple of things.
I did not know that I was gay at that age.
And also, they weren't out of the closet.
- They weren't? - Mm-mm.
They were just living together like a couple of divorced ladies.
And I remember every time I would go over to Curtis' house, each time his mother answered the door, she was just a little more butch.
So just like a slow gayover.
Yes, and then at some point, Curtis and J.
T.
started to pick up on what was going on, and realizing that their mothers are sleeping in the same room every night.
And then they ended up hating each other.
The moms still together? They actually are.
They moved to a different state, came out of the closet, and now they just post really cute pictures of themselves on Facebook in hiking gear.
Patagonia.
Yeah, so And don't worry, J.
T.
and Curtis made up along the way.
Cassandra, before you go, would you play one more song? I will if you go out with me.
Well, we have three minutes left to fill of the show.
So, I guess I have to say yes.
Hmm.
All right.
Here's Cassandra Knight live in studio.
Take me where the water goes I need you now, I need you most Take me where the water goes to play Hoo Where you're going I can't follow You So take me where your ocean finds its Deepest blue Okay, let's make sure we're being really quiet when we're coming in, okay? And try to put most of this stuff up in the apartment, okay? We really need to get more organized up there.
Why are you so stressed out all of the sudden? I just don't want my family to think I've gone off the deep end.
What deep end? I just want to be more organized, and I don't know, polite to them.
Your family's funny.
What do you mean? I don't know, they're just different.
I don't know, they're my family.
Well, you remember yesterday at breakfast, they acted like they had no idea that people use a kitchen to make food? Yeah, I guess no-one ever cooked in there much.
And then I was trying to turn the thermostat up, you know, like a person would, and Bill got all flustered.
Like, he's the only one who does that.
It was just funny.
Yeah, Bill's a funny guy.
Aw I've just never seen a family that doesn't, you know, use their home altogether.
Stocking up for a hurricane? No, Tig, this is just stuff normal people need.
Huh.
I wouldn't know, then.
Where are you going, all dressed up? On a date with, yeah, you heard me, Cassandra Knight.
You really are famous now.
Eh, I think just extremely attractive to famous people.
- Do you need help? - No, no, I'm all set.
Did you ever get those autographs for Desiree? No.
You said you would.
I might have said I would in a tone that was polite sarcasm.
Can't you just do a nice thing for somebody? It's not a nice thing, it's a stupid thing.
It isn't stupid to her.
But obviously, you think she is stupid.
You look down on her because she finds joy in having a, a whatever, a collection.
No, I look down on Donkey, Kev and Bec because they are quite possibly the least funny people on the planet.
Oh, so everyone who likes "Donkey in the Morning" is an idiot? No, I just disagree with them.
You're superior, I get it.
Look, I choose to open up my heart to the world, Tig.
But you, you just stay right down that path you're on.
I'm sure it'll bring you lots of happiness.
Well, I have to stay on the path that I'm on 'cause it leads to my car, which will bring me happiness when I drive it to my date with Cassandra Knight.
So, how did you find your way to insurance? I started right out of school as an administrative assistant.
I was always very detail oriented, so I picked up on the business quickly.
I'm sure.
I just like to help people feel safe.
There's nothing better, really, than safety and order.
I couldn't agree with you more.
In a chaotic world, we need that.
Yes.
It's fine work that you do.
Why, thank you.
I think so.
It's similar with frozen food.
I enjoy making people's lives run more efficiently, knowing that they can nourish themselves and their families even when a busy schedule, illness or weather prevents them from getting to a store.
Frozen food is a hallmark of civilized society.
- Yes.
- Hmm.
Mrs.
Josephine Kingsley.
This restaurant is built on part of what used to be her land.
It's a fine example of antebellum portraiture.
But it is interesting, enshrining Mrs.
Kingsley, considering she was a slave-owner.
She was, but it is known she offered wages to her former slaves after the war, almost all of whom chose to stay.
That woman owned other human beings.
Now that may seem as one of many facts as to who she was, but it is an immense evil that has had a dreadful impact on African-Americans for centuries and will continue to do so.
Why would anyone sugarcoat that? Forgive me.
Should I say something to the maître's d? That's sweet.
But this is not an issue a maître's d can solve.
So you've never been to the Hot Spot? What, it's, um, it's a pop-up party? Yeah, it's in a different place every month.
But it's always gorgeous, and always gay.
Do you have to be gay and gorgeous to get in? No, you just have to want to be surrounded by gorgeous gays.
- Ah.
- Hey, Cassandra.
Hi, honey! That seems fine, uh, for a night.
Oh, I want you to meet my posse.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- This is Tig.
- Hi.
Hey, babies, where are you at? - Amazing.
- It is non-stop transformation.
Pom is a conceptual artist.
Yeah, we were just in Venice, the Biennale.
I had a piece there this year entitled "Congress".
It's essentially a room full of talking trash cans that slowly gets flooded with water.
Mmm.
I get it.
Are you using this chair? Can't you find somebody else to take from, Trish? You know her? We were married for seven years.
Okay, I just have to say it.
Tig is hot.
I know, Shaun's gonna be so jealous! Well, she should be.
You two are buku-power gay.
Who who is Shaun? Shaun's my ex, she's married to Trish now, which is how I know Pom.
And Sienna was sleeping with Shaun's Krav Maga teacher, so that's how we met.
I'm so glad you found a place in the Mariney.
It can get so straight here.
- Yes.
- Absolutely.
Hilarious.
What? There's Bec.
She's on the show with Donkey.
I had no idea she was gay.
Yikes.
Thank God we saved you from the local scene because that is what you would have to choose from right there.
I mean, honey, deal with your hair.
That seems a bit harsh.
Excuse me.
Um Shane? The white elite proposed and enforced segregation laws as a way to protect their own hegemony.
Institutionalized discrimination encouraged poor whites to retain their sense of dominance over African Americans which prevented the two opposed groups from forming alliances that could threaten the ruling class.
Tig.
Do you know the connection between slavery in America and modern day incarceration? Top of the morning to you, and I think so.
The whole prison system in this country is set up as a calculated racist effort to oppress people of color by keeping mass amounts in jail.
It's the new Jim Crow.
It's the new slavery.
Yeah, I know, it's terrible, but why is this coming up now? I have a new friend.
Her name is Felicia.
She is a person, a woman of color.
I think you met her at the hospital.
Yeah, I think I recall seeing her.
She has brought it to my attention that I an under-educated about black issues.
So you're educating yourself for a woman? No, Tig, no.
It's much, much bigger than that.
Oh, well, I think it's great.
If you need help with flash cards, you should ask Remy.
Well, that won't be necessary, it's already locked in.
Wow, Remy, the place looks great.
Yeah, it's coming together.
I'm impressed.
I have something for you.
It's actually for Desiree.
I didn't get all three of them, but I got Bec's autograph.
Aw, thanks, Tig.
Oh, she's gonna be so excited.
It means a lot.
I also have a envelope you can put it in so it didn't get confused for garbage.
Okay.
So I should probably get back to work.
I want to surprise Desiree by doing the finishing touches before she gets home.
I'll let you get back to it.
Are you up? Are you up? Come on sweet girl.
I know a place where we can go Look at that smile! And you can get back on your feet for awhile That's a pretty smile! Somewhere I know we all want to go When the heat is on No one will believe us When we tell them what we see But baby, I am here And I know it's not a dream Baby, in your dreams Baby, in your dreams Baby, in your dreams Baby, in your
It's like, how many times do I have to keep on saying God Bless you? I say it every time they sneeze.
'Cause I just want to say, - quit sneezing, a-hole! - Oh, no! Donkey, you could never be a doctor.
- Good morning.
- Hello.
Call in an let us know what you think.
Is there such a thing as too many God bless yous? They are hilarious, don't you think? I just love how much you love 'em.
Good morning, crowd of humans.
Wait, is this a cooking challenge? No, Desiree and I are making you breakfast to thank you both for your hospitality.
There's buttermilk pancakes, bacon, and biscuits and gravy, That's so nice, but I don't think I've made it back to that level of the food pyramid yet, so I think I'm gonna stick with my smoothie.
And I always have my frozen microwavable breakfast sandwich.
There is a portable vacuum in the pantry for when you're finished.
Come on, all I do is fart.
Ugh, I'm sorry.
I cannot take their voices.
They work in the same studio as me, so I hear them barking at each other down the hall every day.
You know Donkey, Kev, and Bec in the morning? Could you get their autograph for my collection? Yeah, I'll get right on that.
Um no big deal, but uh, I'm all over this piece of paper that people read with their eyeballs.
- Wow, Tig! - Congratulations, Tig.
The Times-Press does not interview just anybody.
I kind of feel like they do but it still feels good.
We got a famous person in the family, Rem.
Tig, you didn't use your pretty picture face.
This one? Yeah, that one.
What's this? Oh, you found my stash.
Oh, sorry, Bill, I ran out of room in my freezer.
I was going to buy a bigger one this week.
Des needed room for her breast milk.
She sells it on-line.
I make sure to only sell to women.
You know, 'cause of the fetish stuff.
Is the heat on? Yes, the wiring is compatible.
I checked all that.
- I gotta get Tini up.
- Okay.
Hey, can you and Bill please be nicer to Desiree? Okay, I'm just confused why she's so Here.
She and Destiny moved in with me.
We're in love.
So it'd be great if y'all could accept her into your lives.
I didn't know she was in my life.
Well, she is, she's part of our family now, and so is the baby.
So I'm an aunt.
You're the one that told me I should go out with her.
One date.
I mean, I don't even understand what's going on with you.
Your sudden religious zeal.
Your immediate cohabitation with a person who appears to be extremely different from you.
I mean She is not extremely different that me.
What would Jesus cook? I mean, would Jesus even cook? I mean, wouldn't he just turn something into dinner? Who cares about some stupid detail like her apron, Tig? Details add up to create a whole.
Yeah, of a person you don't even know.
Neither do you.
That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, and I didn't ask your advice, that's all I'm saying.
So you're not having some sort of breakdown? No, Tig, this is me, happy.
We've been inundated with emails about New Zealand.
Apparently, it's one of the friendliest countries in the world.
Oh, well then it would be a perfect place for us to be friends.
Do you want to talk more about that? No.
I mean, unless you've revised your position on things.
Well, I'll let you know when I do.
If I do.
Mm-hmm.
There's universal health care, there's no jellyfish, snakes or lime ticks.
Oh, well, forget it.
I love lime ticks.
I'm farting right now, dude.
Stop farting.
And don't brag about farting.
- Never stop farting.
- Hey, Bec wanted to say hi.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Pull it together.
There's no obnoxious morning shows in Auckland.
Well, how could there be if there's no lime ticks.
Hey, how about that write-up in the paper? My Google alerts are dinging off the hook.
You getting stopped in the streets yet? No, just frisked.
Well, let me know if you need security, I know a guy.
Oh, okay, we could use a bouncer to keep Donkey, Kev and Bec out of our way.
- Please.
- I'm on it.
Oh, also, Cassandra Knight is playing a secret show this evening at Tip-or-Tinas and she called to invite you specifically, Tig.
She's a fan.
- Cassandra Knight is a fan? - Uh-huh.
I'm a fan.
I've been listening to her forever.
Then let's go.
Kate, you in? Oh, Kate doesn't like music.
That's right, but I do love crowds, though.
I'm in.
Just stick her in the hamper and bring her down with the laundry! Bill.
Forgive me for intruding.
I know the 11:00 hour is a productive one.
I'm seeking your council regarding a roadblock with the Nest.
What is the difficulty? I correctly set the schedule for my preferred temperature and times.
It's behaving as if I had not.
Did you set it on the thermostat itself, - or on the app? - I tried both.
It continues to go rogue.
Well, does it start at the time for which it was set? Yes, but the time that it is set is not the time for which I set it.
Well, if it starts at the time for which it was set, it is not defective.
You simply have not mastered how to set it.
Oh? The dial is sensitive, but accurate.
I suggest you try setting it again.
I have already reset it twice.
Then do it once more and this time take extra care to do it correctly.
It would be impossible for me to take more care than I already have.
Feel free to call me if that does not work.
I can assure you, it will not.
Hmm.
Oh, time, it'll wait it'll wait It'll wait for you and me, yeah Oh, time, it'll wait it'll wait She sounds incredible.
Doesn't she have an amazing stage presence? Yeah, I don't know.
I guess.
Oh, time, oh time I'm gonna go get a drink.
You guys want? - I'm good.
- I'll go with you.
Protect you from the hoards.
Thanks, I am just a girl, after all.
Well, will you let me be a gentleman, please? Okay, well, if that's what you need.
Okay, what's your pleasure? Uh, I will have whatever red wine you have.
No, come on, don't order red wine, order something fun.
What's fun? Give her a Bayou Swamp Water.
- Dr.
John.
- Hey.
How are you doing? - Good.
- Wow, Dr.
John? So nice to meet you.
Dr.
John used to tour with Cassandra.
Kate's a producer on that show "In the Moment with Tig and Kate".
- Wow.
- This is the Kate.
- I love that show.
- Wow.
- Great meeting you, Kate.
- Thank you.
Dr.
John.
Wow.
Can't believe he's listening to the show.
Yeah, guys like Dr.
John love the show thanks in part to you.
- Oh - You're an excellent producer.
- You're so good with Tig.
- Oh, thanks.
But it's all her.
If you have any other ideas that you want to pitch, Ezra and I are always developing new shows.
Well, Tig and I actually have this idea where we move to New Zealand to escape Trump.
And then while we're there we have a radio show where we talked about being ex-pats and what our new life is like.
That's funny, I love it.
Let's do it.
Seriously, come in and pitch it to me in more detail some time.
- Sure, that'd be great.
- Yeah.
- Cheers.
- Oh Thank you.
Thank you for coming out tonight.
See you.
Jack, so glad you came.
Hey.
Tig, hi, I'm so happy you came.
Me too, I've been wanting to see you live forever, and you were incredible.
Thanks.
Okay, I have to fan girl on you, because I live for your show.
Thank you so much for talking about coming out.
We need more full-on true blue queers talking, you know what I'm saying? I love how you make my gayness sound patriotic.
I would argue that it is.
Hey, would you want to come be a guest on the show? Are you kidding? I would love that.
Please.
I have to make a request.
Could you please play "Deepest Blue"? That song got me through some of the darkest weeks after I was diagnosed with cancer.
I just listened to it non-stop.
I wrote that song about my mother's battle with cancer.
No way.
I had no idea.
Yeah, I was going through a tough time, and then one day the song just sort of flew out of me.
It was right before I didn't I don't know.
What? No, it's just, like I was going to say it was before she died, and I felt weird saying that because Mmm, no, you can tell me that.
I'm sorry for your loss.
My mother passed away recently, too.
That's right, yeah, I heard that from your show.
- I'm so sorry.
- Mmm.
Thanks.
Damn, we really just jumped right in, didn't we? We sure did.
What are you doing? Excuse me, but what are you doing? Women get colder than men because all the blood goes to the womb, so sometimes I turn the heat up but then it's like someone else turns it back down.
That someone is me.
Oh, heck, we've been canceling each other out.
I thought the device wasn't working properly.
And I was very rude to my friend because of you.
Oh, shoot.
Well, I will take the blame, I don't mind.
You tell your friend it was me.
- It was you.
- See, there you go.
Now we know we just got to have it an eense bit warmer in here and we'll never have to fiddle with it again.
That was fun last night.
Yeah, you had a good time? I did.
I told Jack about our New Zealand idea and he loved it and he wants us to come in and pitch it in more detail.
Oh, that's so cool.
What's that for? Cassandra and I really hit it off last night, and I invited her in to be a guest on the show today.
A guest? Cool.
Yeah.
So, does that mean I shouldn't talk? Oh, no, not at all.
Let's just see what happens.
Okay.
Do you need help with that? No, I think I got it.
So you had fun with Jack, hmm? You and Jack, you have a vibe going? Oh my God, no.
He's such a guy.
I thought that was the point.
No, no, you know.
He's such a guy guy.
You know, like just very male.
Not enough of a narcissist for you? So this is where the magic happens? I'm so excited.
Cassandra Knight? What's up? And who might this be? - That's Donkey.
- Hi, Donkey.
When I heard it through the California Raisins that Cassandra Knight was going to be here, I had to bust my ass down here and get an autograph.
I am such a huge fan.
Yeah, I bought your Cd at Starbucks the one time and it started my great love affair with buying music at Starbucks.
How kind.
You collect autographs? Only of people who I greatly admire.
It's so satisfying, collecting autographs.
It's actually kind of a lost art form.
I don't know if I'd call it that.
So great to meet you.
Yeah.
What was his name again? Donkey Dick? It should be.
Hello? Felicia, Bill Flanagan.
Hello, Bill.
I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for my tone of frustration yesterday.
I was not frustrated with you, but the situation.
I understand.
I, too, detest feeling foiled by a computer.
Well, to make it up to you, may I take you out to dinner? You may.
- Very well, then.
- Very.
- This evening? - Yes.
I will see you in the elevator.
I look forward to it.
I had these two friends in Junior High School, uh, Curtis and J.
T.
They were the best of friends, and in seventh grade, their mothers fell in love, left their husbands and moved in together with the kids.
And at first, J.
T.
and Curtis thought this was the coolest thing.
It was essentially like a never-ending sleepover.
It's like every kid's dream.
Yeah, a game of monopoly would go on for five days because it could.
And so was little gay Tig blown away by two moms in love? Well, a couple of things.
I did not know that I was gay at that age.
And also, they weren't out of the closet.
- They weren't? - Mm-mm.
They were just living together like a couple of divorced ladies.
And I remember every time I would go over to Curtis' house, each time his mother answered the door, she was just a little more butch.
So just like a slow gayover.
Yes, and then at some point, Curtis and J.
T.
started to pick up on what was going on, and realizing that their mothers are sleeping in the same room every night.
And then they ended up hating each other.
The moms still together? They actually are.
They moved to a different state, came out of the closet, and now they just post really cute pictures of themselves on Facebook in hiking gear.
Patagonia.
Yeah, so And don't worry, J.
T.
and Curtis made up along the way.
Cassandra, before you go, would you play one more song? I will if you go out with me.
Well, we have three minutes left to fill of the show.
So, I guess I have to say yes.
Hmm.
All right.
Here's Cassandra Knight live in studio.
Take me where the water goes I need you now, I need you most Take me where the water goes to play Hoo Where you're going I can't follow You So take me where your ocean finds its Deepest blue Okay, let's make sure we're being really quiet when we're coming in, okay? And try to put most of this stuff up in the apartment, okay? We really need to get more organized up there.
Why are you so stressed out all of the sudden? I just don't want my family to think I've gone off the deep end.
What deep end? I just want to be more organized, and I don't know, polite to them.
Your family's funny.
What do you mean? I don't know, they're just different.
I don't know, they're my family.
Well, you remember yesterday at breakfast, they acted like they had no idea that people use a kitchen to make food? Yeah, I guess no-one ever cooked in there much.
And then I was trying to turn the thermostat up, you know, like a person would, and Bill got all flustered.
Like, he's the only one who does that.
It was just funny.
Yeah, Bill's a funny guy.
Aw I've just never seen a family that doesn't, you know, use their home altogether.
Stocking up for a hurricane? No, Tig, this is just stuff normal people need.
Huh.
I wouldn't know, then.
Where are you going, all dressed up? On a date with, yeah, you heard me, Cassandra Knight.
You really are famous now.
Eh, I think just extremely attractive to famous people.
- Do you need help? - No, no, I'm all set.
Did you ever get those autographs for Desiree? No.
You said you would.
I might have said I would in a tone that was polite sarcasm.
Can't you just do a nice thing for somebody? It's not a nice thing, it's a stupid thing.
It isn't stupid to her.
But obviously, you think she is stupid.
You look down on her because she finds joy in having a, a whatever, a collection.
No, I look down on Donkey, Kev and Bec because they are quite possibly the least funny people on the planet.
Oh, so everyone who likes "Donkey in the Morning" is an idiot? No, I just disagree with them.
You're superior, I get it.
Look, I choose to open up my heart to the world, Tig.
But you, you just stay right down that path you're on.
I'm sure it'll bring you lots of happiness.
Well, I have to stay on the path that I'm on 'cause it leads to my car, which will bring me happiness when I drive it to my date with Cassandra Knight.
So, how did you find your way to insurance? I started right out of school as an administrative assistant.
I was always very detail oriented, so I picked up on the business quickly.
I'm sure.
I just like to help people feel safe.
There's nothing better, really, than safety and order.
I couldn't agree with you more.
In a chaotic world, we need that.
Yes.
It's fine work that you do.
Why, thank you.
I think so.
It's similar with frozen food.
I enjoy making people's lives run more efficiently, knowing that they can nourish themselves and their families even when a busy schedule, illness or weather prevents them from getting to a store.
Frozen food is a hallmark of civilized society.
- Yes.
- Hmm.
Mrs.
Josephine Kingsley.
This restaurant is built on part of what used to be her land.
It's a fine example of antebellum portraiture.
But it is interesting, enshrining Mrs.
Kingsley, considering she was a slave-owner.
She was, but it is known she offered wages to her former slaves after the war, almost all of whom chose to stay.
That woman owned other human beings.
Now that may seem as one of many facts as to who she was, but it is an immense evil that has had a dreadful impact on African-Americans for centuries and will continue to do so.
Why would anyone sugarcoat that? Forgive me.
Should I say something to the maître's d? That's sweet.
But this is not an issue a maître's d can solve.
So you've never been to the Hot Spot? What, it's, um, it's a pop-up party? Yeah, it's in a different place every month.
But it's always gorgeous, and always gay.
Do you have to be gay and gorgeous to get in? No, you just have to want to be surrounded by gorgeous gays.
- Ah.
- Hey, Cassandra.
Hi, honey! That seems fine, uh, for a night.
Oh, I want you to meet my posse.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- This is Tig.
- Hi.
Hey, babies, where are you at? - Amazing.
- It is non-stop transformation.
Pom is a conceptual artist.
Yeah, we were just in Venice, the Biennale.
I had a piece there this year entitled "Congress".
It's essentially a room full of talking trash cans that slowly gets flooded with water.
Mmm.
I get it.
Are you using this chair? Can't you find somebody else to take from, Trish? You know her? We were married for seven years.
Okay, I just have to say it.
Tig is hot.
I know, Shaun's gonna be so jealous! Well, she should be.
You two are buku-power gay.
Who who is Shaun? Shaun's my ex, she's married to Trish now, which is how I know Pom.
And Sienna was sleeping with Shaun's Krav Maga teacher, so that's how we met.
I'm so glad you found a place in the Mariney.
It can get so straight here.
- Yes.
- Absolutely.
Hilarious.
What? There's Bec.
She's on the show with Donkey.
I had no idea she was gay.
Yikes.
Thank God we saved you from the local scene because that is what you would have to choose from right there.
I mean, honey, deal with your hair.
That seems a bit harsh.
Excuse me.
Um Shane? The white elite proposed and enforced segregation laws as a way to protect their own hegemony.
Institutionalized discrimination encouraged poor whites to retain their sense of dominance over African Americans which prevented the two opposed groups from forming alliances that could threaten the ruling class.
Tig.
Do you know the connection between slavery in America and modern day incarceration? Top of the morning to you, and I think so.
The whole prison system in this country is set up as a calculated racist effort to oppress people of color by keeping mass amounts in jail.
It's the new Jim Crow.
It's the new slavery.
Yeah, I know, it's terrible, but why is this coming up now? I have a new friend.
Her name is Felicia.
She is a person, a woman of color.
I think you met her at the hospital.
Yeah, I think I recall seeing her.
She has brought it to my attention that I an under-educated about black issues.
So you're educating yourself for a woman? No, Tig, no.
It's much, much bigger than that.
Oh, well, I think it's great.
If you need help with flash cards, you should ask Remy.
Well, that won't be necessary, it's already locked in.
Wow, Remy, the place looks great.
Yeah, it's coming together.
I'm impressed.
I have something for you.
It's actually for Desiree.
I didn't get all three of them, but I got Bec's autograph.
Aw, thanks, Tig.
Oh, she's gonna be so excited.
It means a lot.
I also have a envelope you can put it in so it didn't get confused for garbage.
Okay.
So I should probably get back to work.
I want to surprise Desiree by doing the finishing touches before she gets home.
I'll let you get back to it.
Are you up? Are you up? Come on sweet girl.
I know a place where we can go Look at that smile! And you can get back on your feet for awhile That's a pretty smile! Somewhere I know we all want to go When the heat is on No one will believe us When we tell them what we see But baby, I am here And I know it's not a dream Baby, in your dreams Baby, in your dreams Baby, in your dreams Baby, in your