Pie In The Sky (1994) s05e02 Episode Script

Ugly Customers

1 S05xE02 "Ugly Customers" Jul 6, 1997 Please, ladies and gentlemen, give my client some room.
Mr.
Benson, what do you think the verdict will be? I have confidence in the jury.
They´re decent men and women.
They´ll see that I´ve done nothing wrong.
What have you got to say to the people you cheated? I haven´t cheated anyone.
I´m devastated that people have lost money who invested with me, and I shall do my best to pay it back as soon as this whole futile business is over.
Mr.
Benson, are you saying this trial is futile? My client has nothing further to add! I would not be standing here with my business and my health in ruins if it weren´t for the misguided enthusiasm of certain senior policemen who seem determined to find a scapegoat when there is no one to blame except the market.
Ladies and gentlemen! Ladies and gentlemen, please! My client is not well.
He has no further comments to make.
- Mr.
Fisher! - Mr.
Fisher! What is the police´s standpoint? Is it true that the Barstock Police are out to nail Benson due to the collapse of the Benevolent Fund? I have no comment to make.
Kindly clear out of my way.
My car is waiting.
I have no statement to make! Goodbye! Dauphinoise! Two pies, table four.
One mousse, one caramel, table two.
Table three are still waiting for their moules marinières.
- The soufflé - No, no, no! It´s two minutes.
It´s okay.
Two moules marinières.
Can I give you a hand with that, Chef? Yes, please.
You know, these lunchtimes are getting ridiculous, Gary.
We must be doing something right.
Well, yes, but I think we ought to put a stop to it immediately.
Ugh! Pie in the Sky.
Can I help you? - Crabbe? - Hello, sir.
I have a job for you.
Syllabub for Prince Charming on table five.
Fancy him, do you? Not half as much as he fancies himself.
Damn! Duty calls, eh, Chef? Yes.
I´m sorry, Gary.
Can you manage by yourself? Yeah.
I´m sure we can hold them off till teatime.
Thanks a lot.
I´ll try and be back by then at the latest.
Another bottle of the zinfandel, madam? That´d be nice.
Got your attention, though, didn´t I? Was everything okay? The service was a little rushed.
I´m sorry.
We are rather busy.
Oh.
Not too busy for a smile, though, are we? There.
That didn´t hurt, did it? Coffee? No.
Got to run.
Here.
Keep the change.
That´s an awful lot.
I don´t think that I can Well, next time I come in, you can take special care of me, okay? I have no comment to make.
My car is waiting.
Look at that.
Simply appalling the way the media allows itself to be manipulated.
Shocking, sir.
Benson´s managed to make it look as if we invented this case out of spite! Mm.
It´s outrageous.
Why should we want to do a thing like that? Just because he embezzled half a million from the Police Benevolent Fund.
It´s ridiculous.
You´re very calm about this, Crabbe.
Considering that money was meant for impoverished retiring officers.
Well, it´s long gone now, sir, isn´t it? Sitting in some untraceable offshore account.
You could just wish the trustees hadn´t been quite so trusting.
You know, I mean, what was Benson offering? 28% return? Margaret looked at the figures, said they were ludicrous.
Yes, thank you, Crabbe.
It´s easy to be wise with hindsight.
Ah.
Mm.
Being a trustee is harder than it looks, isn´t it, sir? Yes.
It is.
Anyway, we´ll just have to wait now for a verdict.
Judge Harcourt has asked that the jury be placed in a hotel while they deliberate.
We´re sending them to the Middleton Luxor.
The Luxor? Brilliant.
That´ll concentrate their minds wonderfully.
Under the supervision of the Public Duties Squad.
You, Morton, and Guthrie will stay with them until they´ve reached their verdict.
This is a high-profile case, Crabbe.
The public expects Benson to get exactly what he deserves.
Which is a fair trial, I trust.
We´re here to uphold justice, Crabbe, not impose our own.
Glad to hear it, sir.
So why are you still here? - Sir.
- Hello, Morton.
Welcome to the Mary Celeste.
Hello.
Got a room for me? Name of Crabbe? Uh, yeah.
I´ll be with you in a minute.
- These the happy campers, then? - Yes, sir.
Yeah.
250 grand? It´s a halls-adjoining semi, for God´s sake, not the Brighton Pavilion.
- Excuse me, sir.
- What the hell are you doing? You´re still on jury service, sir.
Same rules apply.
No tape recorders - It´s a mobile phone, actually.
- Yeah, and no mobile phones.
Look, I´ve been doing this trial for months.
Have you any idea what it´s doing to my business? Some idea, sir, yeah.
Uh, nothing down here for Crabbe.
Who´s in charge here? I am, madam.
Detective Inspector Henry Crabbe.
Do you really expect us to stay in this Come on, Anne.
We´re all in the same boat.
And I suppose that´s supposed to make me feel better, is it? Between you and me, I wouldn´t quarantine my dog in here.
But it is taxpayers´ money, and I just think we should, well, show a bit more effort.
I´m sorry about that, Inspector.
We´re all a bit wound up by the trial.
Mr.
Dunfries is the foreman of the jury.
- How do you do? - Hello.
You seem to be bearing up rather well.
Oh, I´ve put up with a lot worse than this when I ran my own company.
Um, if you´ll just excuse me.
Sure.
Have you got rooms for all these people? Uh, for the jury, yes.
We have nothing for anyone called Crabbe.
Is the bar open yet? Ah, yeah.
It´s just through there.
Cheers.
Right? - Morton? - Yes, sir? Get this young man to find me a room.
If he doesn´t, arrest him.
- Yes, sir.
- What? Now, while you´re all here, you´re still officially on duty, so I must ask you not to discuss any aspect of the trial with anyone outside the jury.
Not even us.
Excuse me.
Have the rooms got satellite TV? I´m afraid I don´t know.
But I must remind you to avoid watching any of the media coverage of the case.
We already have to sit through it all day.
Why can´t we find Benson not guilty and go home? - The man is obviously innocent.
- Come on, everyone.
It´s our duty to weigh up all the evidence.
Mr.
Foreman, I thought we agreed no smoking during jury sessions.
This isn´t a jury session, is it? Uh, we have arranged a conference room for your sessions from tomorrow onwards.
Until then, I must ask you to stay inside the hotel.
The court will pay for all your meals.
Does that include drinks as well? Mm.
Babysitting a bunch of jurors with cabin fever.
Not exactly cutting-edge policing, is it? Oh, I don´t know.
We might stop them killing each other.
That counts as crime prevention.
Yeah, well, it´s not why I joined the force.
"Peeled baby prawns recline on an emerald bed of chiffonade, dipped in a delicately flavored sauce mayonnaise.
" Is that prawn cocktail? Yes, sir.
Uh, w-what´s the pâté? Don´t know, sir.
Chef hasn´t opened the packet.
I mean, it´s all a waste of time anyway, isn´t it? I mean, Benson´s gonna walk.
It´s obvious.
What, ´cause he´ll swing the jury? No, because he´s connected.
Got mates where it matters.
Oh, here we go.
I think I´ll skip the starter.
We do have a special today, sir.
Shepherd´s pie.
Shepherd´s pie? Oh.
Back already.
Couldn´t keep away.
Have you booked? I mean, we are full tonight.
Oh, come on, darling.
Who´s sitting there? That table´s been reserved for 9:00.
Perfect.
It´s only just gone 8:00.
Well, get your skates on.
If Benson´s so well connected, how come he´s on trial in the first place? They´ve got to keep up appearances, haven´t they? And who are "they"? Pfft.
You tell me.
You´re the one in with the nobs.
Guthrie, at your last medical, did the term "paranoid delusions" come up at all? Here, chuck this, and don´t let Mellors see you.
Go on.
I enjoyed the floor show.
Oh! Don´t tell the manager He´ll charge you extra.
Actually, I was really impressed with that shepherd´s pie.
It had a wonderful old-fashioned flavor.
Oh, that´s minced roast lamb.
There´s nothing like it.
And there was something else.
Um Anchovy essence? That is spot-on.
Have you ever tried putting potato on the bottom as well as on the top? No.
I see So that the juices flow into the mash.
And And Vernon! What´s this? Um, it´s the suppliers.
They keep dumping their returns on us.
Those suppliers deliver value for money, and you´re supposed to be working to a budget! I´m sorry, sir.
The public are not allowed into the food-preparation area.
I wanted to congratulate your chef on the wonderful shepherd´s pie.
Shepherd´s pie? I made it for the staff.
I must apologize, sir.
Shepherd´s pie is not the sort of cuisine clients expect from a Luxor Hotel.
May I have a word please, Chef? All the same, it was first rate.
Thanks.
How many times do I have to tell you?! This is a Luxor Hotel, not the Andrew Vernon greasy spoon! We serve haute cuisine as laid down by head office! Can we just drop it, Guthrie? Typical, innit? Use a shotgun for a robbery, and you´re a villain.
Use a briefcase, and you´re an entrepreneur.
What was all the shouting? Just the manager.
Seems to prefer haute cuisine to decent cooking.
Mm, I think you made the best choice with the shepherd´s pie.
Think I´ll just have a coffee.
Sign here, please.
Uh, sign for what? For the flowers.
One of your lot ordered them.
And he didn´t want them, apparently.
Well, perhaps you should take it up with him.
Uh, no, no, no.
I don´t think so.
There´s £65 worth here, and I think somebody should pay for it.
Excuse me, can I just see this? "In dead earnest.
" He was very offensive about it too.
And I don´t have to put up with that sort of attitude.
Do you know what I mean? Room 301.
That´s one of our jurors.
Ernest Keane.
Mr.
Keane.
Everything all right? Great! I´ve got a minibar and everything.
All these different types of nuts.
Fancy a drink? Are you on duty? You were going to tell us, weren´t you? I didn´t see the point.
I mean, it´s obviously a mistake.
Mr.
Keane, it´s a wreath addressed to you.
It´s a stupid joke.
It doesn´t bother me, honest.
That´s not the point.
I won´t have to leave the jury, will I? I would have thought you´d be glad to get away.
You must be joking.
I haven´t had so much fun since Look, I´m out of work at the moment.
Employers think if you´ve been on benefit a few years, your brains turn to porridge.
Mr.
Keane But I´ve really worked on this case, studied the evidence.
Damn sight better than that stuck-up bunch of deadheads.
I think the guy´s innocent.
No, no, no.
You mustn´t discuss it.
Yeah, but that´s it! This won´t make any difference.
Please don´t send me home now.
Can´t go back to watching telly all day.
It´s like It´s like waiting to die, you know? We´re gonna have to tell the judge, aren´t we? And Fisher.
- Yeah, but he won´t blame us.
- Ha! First, we have to assess the damage.
Mr.
Dunfries, it´s Detective Inspector Crabbe.
Ah, sorry.
We´ll come later.
No, no, fine.
Please.
I´m just sorting myself out.
- Just a quick word.
- Come in, please.
- Thank you.
- Is it all right if I carry on? Oh, please, by all means.
So, what´s the problem? Someone has sent a wreath to Ernest Keane.
Oh, my God.
I know.
Not exactly subtle.
So I suppose we´ll have to talk to the rest of the jury.
They´re good people, Crabbe.
I don´t think they´d let themselves be leant upon by anybody.
Mm.
Yes.
Have you noticed any unusual behavior? Nothing other than the homicidal tendencies.
No, not really.
Yes, they do tend to be quite a little temperamental.
Well, it´s nothing I can´t handle.
I´ve chaired hairier meetings than this.
Um, may I? - Sorry.
- Thank you.
Oh, of course.
You used to run your own business.
Dunfries Security.
Yeah, I got rid of it a few years ago.
Took early retirement.
No point in all that sweat if you´re not gonna reap the rewards.
Don´t touch that, sir.
Is that your family? Yes, it is.
Somebody must have been in here.
While I was in the shower.
Oh, God.
Pour us another drink, darling.
I like the view when you lean over.
I´m sorry, but the other guests have arrived.
Well, they can wait, can´t they? If you´d like to finish off, you´re welcome to No, I would not like to finish off.
I´m really sorry, but I did say that the table was booked for 9:00.
And I said get your skates on.
You´ve got great legs, but they don´t move very fast, do they? - Would you like the bill? - No, I would not like the bill.
It´s just that That´s it! I´d like to see the manager.
The owner isn´t here, sir.
Can I help? Who´s this? The assistant pot washer? I think sir´s had rather a lot to drink, Sally.
Sir hasn´t even started yet.
I gave this dizzy bint a decent tip, and I expect decent service.
I tell you what Forget about he bill.
It´s on the house, okay? Fine.
Okay.
But you haven´t heard the last of this.
Good night, sir.
Safe journey.
You don´t even know who I am, do you? No, sir.
But I´m sure you´ll remember in the morning.
Good night.
You okay? A wreath? Yes, sir.
And we´ve absolutely no idea how many other jurors may have been threatened.
Brilliant.
I know, sir.
I´m very sorry.
- Utterly brilliant.
- What? Once we´ve pinned this on Benson, he´ll be finished.
Well, we don´t actually know it was Benson, sir.
Well, who else would it be, his fairy godmother? Well, whoever it was, it was just so blatant.
Well, of course.
Benson wants a mistrial.
That´s why he´s hobbling about on sticks.
He thinks if the case collapses the CPS will lose its bottle and drop all charges.
No, Crabbe.
No mistrial, and that´s final.
I rather think that´s a matter for the judge, isn´t it, sir? Yes, Crabbe, it is.
But if I have to go to his Lordship and tell him the trial has collapsed after four months, I´ll need more than excuses.
I´ll need Benson´s head on a plate.
Well, if I could just have a dozen extra officers.
Out of the question.
Cost a fortune.
But the jury have to be protected.
And the best way of doing that is to catch Benson red-handed.
Yes, but they may reach a verdict by tomorrow.
I may not have the time.
Well, you´d better get a move on, then, hadn´t you? Aah! Oh, my God! Stop it! Help! Help! Help me, somebody! You´re gonna break my bloody neck! Let go of me! For God´s sake, you´re gonna kill him! You´re under arrest! You do not have to say anything! But it may harm your defense if you do not mention when questioned anything you may later rely on in court! - Ow! - Oh, shut up, you idiot! Oh! Deep breaths, darling.
Deep breaths.
You´re all right.
What the hell do you think you´re doing? Who asked you to barge in here like this? Us? Who asked him? I take it you were expecting Mr.
Wise? We are consenting adults.
It is perfectly legal.
Well, that´s not the view the court may take.
You are on active jury service.
It´s none of the court´s damn business.
And besides, nobody even knew about it until you lot came storming in.
I may or may not have to report this to the judge, but I can assure you that from now on this will remain strictly confidential.
Is everything all right? Come on in.
We´re having an orgy.
What on earth´s going on? Who´s responsible for all of this? Can we talk outside the door please? This is not the sort of behavior we will tolerate at a Luxor Hotel.
Thank you.
Um E-Enjoy the rest of your evening.
I do remember asking you to keep an eye on the rooms.
I don´t recall the bit about the SAS.
It looked like a life-threatening situation, sir.
Well, it probably felt like one to them.
Never mind.
We can´t just sit around waiting for whoever it is to make the next move.
I thought we were after Benson.
He´s the only one with a motive.
He´s the only one with an obvious motive.
Anyway, he´s not gonna be doing it himself, is he? He´ll get someone else to do it for him.
It might be somebody on the inside.
Okay.
Go and get some sleep.
First thing tomorrow, start trailing Benson.
Find out where he goes, who he talks to, what he does.
Meantime, I´ll talk to the staff, and you can keep an eye on the inmates.
Oh, typical.
I always get the crap jobs.
And just for that, you can take the first watch, and I´ll relieve you at 4:00 a.
m.
Meantime, excuse me if I go and enjoy my view of the car park.
Good night.
Well, well, well.
Morning.
Ah, yeah.
This is your place, isn´t it? You´re Crabbe.
That´s right, yes, Mister, um Sebastian.
Victor Sebastian.
You´ll remember the name when you´ve heard it in court.
In court? Your staff make a habit of this, do they? Ripping off the customers, then throwing them out halfway through a meal? I-I´m sorry Can we start this again? Oh, I see.
You´re suing us.
For personal injury, distress, and damage to a John Smith suit.
Teach that little slapper of yours some respect for the punters.
I´m afraid I don´t know anything about this.
Then you better speak to your staff, mate.
Because unless I get an apology, your tatty little caff is finished.
And I mean a deep and sincere apology.
If you get my drift.
Yep.
Got that.
Morning, Chef.
Everything okay? Well, not everything, Sally.
We need to talk.
Well, how are we today? Ah, well Sorry.
Can I have my money back? Oh! I told him we didn´t have a table, but he just sat down anyway.
Then he got drunk and started shouting that he´d given me a big tip and I had to be nice to him.
- You can ask Gary.
- We don´t need to ask Gary.
I just wanted to hear your side of the story, that´s all.
He kept making these remarks.
He was so disgusting.
And he had this ring ´round the collar of his shirt from fake suntan cream.
You know the stuff? Do you really think he´s gonna sue us? I don´t know.
"Degrading and humiliating treatment.
" Sounds like he´s gonna take us to the European Court of Human Rights.
So, what you gonna do? Well, I´m not gonna do anything.
I rather hoped you might.
You want me to apologize? No, no, not really.
Dealing with ugly customers is part of the job.
But I-I think you could sort him out yourself.
Okay, Mr.
Crabbe.
For God´s sake, he had some bad luck, that´s all.
He went bust.
He´s not the first.
Sir.
Ah, Constable.
All quiet? No, no.
I´d be worried if it was, sir.
Well, as long as they don´t start throwing chairs at each other.
I checked the staff.
Nothing.
Ah, Morton.
Looking indecently smug about something.
Would you care to share it with us? Oh, don´t be ridiculous! There´s nothing wrong with them.
They´re cracked.
They´re a health hazard.
Yeah, well, try washing them.
Look, if an inspector comes in here, we´ve both had it.
It´s hardly my fault if you don´t know how to run a kitchen.
There are plenty of chefs out there who´d be glad of the chance.
Yes? Mr.
Mellors? I´m sorry, sir, customers are not allowed into the food-preparation area.
Actually, as I remember the law, a customer can inspect the kitchens at any time.
You want to inspect the kitchens? Not particularly, no.
But I do want a word.
I am extremely busy.
About the criminal associations of a member of your staff.
Me? How long have you known Marcus Benson? I´m sorry? You were playing golf with him this morning.
Mind you, it´s nice to see him getting out and about these days, what with his delicate condition.
Mark´s doctor told him the fresh air would do him good.
He´s under a lot of stress at the moment, thanks to you people.
Mark? It´s Marcus, isn´t it? Marcus Benson? All his friends call him Mark.
Ah.
And I suppose you discuss business with him, don´t you? We usually do.
And did you tell him you were doing rather well lately, what with having the jury staying here? Well, I did, uh We might have We chatted generally about business.
You do understand that discussing the jury´s arrangements with the defendant could be looked at as contempt of court or even conspiracy to pervert the course of justice? No.
Look, I had no idea.
Did Benson ask you to make any communication with the jury at all? No.
I just You just passed on information about their protection.
No! Well I mentioned that carry-on the other night.
Seemed funny at the time.
Funny.
Constable, what is the going rate for conspiracy to pervert the course of justice? Hard to say, sir.
About two years inside? Now, look, I had no idea there was any hint of illegality.
I´ll break off all contact with him? I hadn´t spoken to him for months anyhow.
Well, there might not be any need for official action.
Yet.
Thank you.
I really am most You know, it was just a An indiscretion on on my part.
That´s all.
By the way That chef of yours Vernon How long has he been here? Uh, a month or two.
We took him on when his restaurant went bust.
You know what I find really criminal? Taking a man of Vernon´s obvious talents and then using him like a kitchen skivvy.
It´s such a waste.
Well, I suppose I may have been a little heavy handed.
You know, I´d have thought that a man of his obvious talents would´ve been a tremendous asset to any hotel.
It would reflect rather well on the management, actually.
You know, you´re absolutely right.
In fact, I´d been meaning to review our culinary policy anyhow.
Oh, good.
Well, I mean, you´ve got lots of things to do.
Fences to mend.
That sort of thing.
We´ll let you get on with it.
Constable? What, is that it? I thought he was a perfect fit.
Well, you don´t really think he had the bottle for nobbling a jury, did you? So we´ve been wasting our time, then? Oh, I don´t think so.
I suspect the cooking will improve.
Oh! Ooh! - Mmm! - Shh, shh, shh! I thought you´d learned your lesson last night.
Oh, no, it takes more than that to put me off.
Wait, wait.
Wait! I wanted a shower.
Got to get dirty first.
Oh, stop.
Wait, wait.
Wait.
- Now what is it? - Oh! Oh! Aah! Aah! Aaaaaah! Oh, God, it´s horrible.
Who could have done this? And why pick on us? I mean, we both think the guy´s innocent.
Thought he was innocent.
You mustn´t discuss the case with me.
It´s not blood, sir.
It´s just some sort of red dye.
Oh, well, that´s a big relief.
You said there was a note.
Oh, yes.
Thank you.
"Why not order reprints for your family, friends, and pupils?" Pupils? I´m the, um, headmistress.
Of of a girls´ school.
These are hardly the sort of photographs I´d like to be passed ´round the dorm.
Ah.
It´s not what most people mean by jury service.
Oh, shut up! This is no time for puerile jokes.
My career could be ruined.
Oh, give it a rest.
It´s you, you, you, isn´t it? When my wife sees these, she´ll take me to the cleaners.
Well, you should have thought of that before you started coming on like Don Juan! - You were flattered! - I was bored! You weren´t bored the other night, you stuck-up All right, all right.
P.
C.
Morton will help you get cleaned up.
Yeah, well, what about these? How are you gonna clean these up?! A surveillance camera? Mm.
Well, it´s that or a giant woodworm.
Just talked to the lab, sir.
Said they´ll have the result of the prints by noon tomorrow.
Well, I don´t expect it´ll help much.
Someone this meticulous doesn´t leave trails.
He knows what rooms they´re in.
He knows what they do for a living.
- But how does he get in and out? - Mm.
Marcus Benson is a common or garden con man.
He can´t walk through walls.
This is somebody much closer to hand.
Mellors? No, it´s too bold.
It´s just not his style.
Do you think they´ll come back? Oh, yes.
Definitely.
Because the trial isn´t over yet.
He´s got in again? Look, is there anything we can do to help? Just make sure the doors are locked.
We´ll be keeping an eye on the rooms.
Well, I don´t think there´s any call for that.
I mean, he´s already had a go at me.
Yeah.
That´s lovely.
Is that your house? Yeah.
My wife, she adores it.
She´s always wanted to live in a house like that.
You should come ´round for a drink when this is all over.
- Touch wood.
- You´ll be fine, sir.
Well, I know you´re looking out for us, Inspector.
I just hope somebody´s looking out for you.
Yeah.
Good night.
Good night.
Thank you.
Got you! Don´t move! Watch it, would you? This is delicate! Careful, sir, he´s got a suspect package.
It´s all right, Guthrie.
Let him go.
What are you doing here at this time of the night? - I came to see you.
- What about? I don´t know what you said to Mellors, but I just wanted to say thank you.
Look.
Treacle tart! It´s not official Luxor cuisine.
But go on, try some.
Mmm.
It´s got a tang of, um Lemon juice! Yeah, just to give it that special touch, you know? Oh, it´s got All right, Guthrie.
Carry on.
It´s, um It´s got almond pastry in it, hasn´t it? Half and half.
And what have you done with the breadcrumbs? Yes, it´s home-baked whole meal.
It´s a little sideline of mine.
Do you know, all this wants is a great big dollop of crème fraîche.
You´re totally wasted here, Chef.
I had my chance.
I blew it.
It came down to me versus the accountants, and they won.
Accountants.
Yes, well, they can be a little merciless.
Fire! What´s going on?! There´s a fire! Leave the building! - No, me false teeth! - No, no, no! There´s no time for that! Go! It´s Dunfries! He´s not answering the door! Kick it in! Grab him! Get out! I really I really can´t remember that much.
I woke up, and there was a man standing over me.
The next thing was a pillow across my face.
I did struggle, and I Well, I must have passed out.
But I supposed the pillow saved me from the fumes.
How do you think he got in? Well, he must have been hidden inside the whole time and then started the fire to cover his escape.
Yeah, what with that and the water damage, it washed away all the evidence.
I don´t suppose you could give us a description? Let me think.
Oh, yes He was wearing a red carnation in his buttonhole and carrying a copy of The Times under his arm.
Listen, I´m really very sorry.
It was our responsibility to protect you.
Come on.
You two guys saved my life.
If anyone´s responsible, it´s Mark Benson.
Mark Benson? We´ll be reaching a verdict shortly.
And if Mark Benson thinks he can nobble this jury, he´s in for a nasty surprise.
So if Well, if we´ve finished here, I´ve got a job to do.
If you´ll excuse me.
Do you fancy a spin, Morton? Sir? We´re not going to see Marcus Benson, are we? Just keep driving straight on.
He´ll just laugh in our faces.
Well, I don´t blame him.
You ever work in the counterfeit squad? Counterfeit? No.
See, the genius of a good fake lies in the details.
His are all wrong.
- What, Benson´s? - No, Dunfries´.
His suntan´s fake.
Comes out of a bottle.
His Rolex is fake.
You can tell by the second hand.
So you think Dunfries is working for Marcus Benson? Mark Benson.
His friends call him Mark, apparently.
Now, then, we´ll be coming up to Manor House Farm on the left.
Manor House Farm? Who lives there? According to the court records, Eric Dunfries.
This is the home of Mr.
and Mrs.
Gardener.
Oh.
Dunfries used to live here, though.
Ah.
Oh, I see.
So they´ve just bought it from him, have they? No, not exactly.
It was a building-society repossession about two years ago.
What? Well, how did he get his jury summons, then? They forward his mail.
100 Carriff Drive, Barstock Lea Estate.
Let´s have a look, then.
Well, maybe he´s one of those eccentric millionaires that doesn´t like to flaunt it.
No one´s in.
No one´s been in for a long time.
I don´t think Benson´s paying him enough.
I don´t think Benson´s paying him at all.
D.
I.
Crabbe.
What? Oh! God.
Uh, yeah, all right.
We´ll meet you there, then.
Yes.
Jury´s reached a verdict.
Judge is nearly ready to go in, sir.
Clerk of the court says we got two minutes.
What is all this, Crabbe? We´re ready to deliver our verdict.
They´re all waiting.
I just wanted a moment so we could have a talk.
Talk? What about? About how a wealthy retired businessman comes to be living on the Barstock Lea Estate.
Who, me? It´s just a temporary arrangement.
Is that all? It´s been temporary for a couple of years now, hasn´t it? I made some bad investments, that´s all.
It´s just until I get back on my feet.
Oh.
These bad investments They weren´t made through Marcus Benson, by any chance? Oh, come on, Crabbe.
Benson wouldn´t have let me stay on the jury if he knew me.
Yes.
If.
He didn´t even recognize you, did he? That must have added insult to injury after everything he´s done to you.
Benson didn´t do anything to me.
Sir? Mr.
Dunfries, I´ve just been to your house.
Oh, what did you think of it? My wife, she´s very fond of that house.
Mr.
Dunfries, you live in a council house.
Your wife doesn´t love it.
She isn´t even there.
Nor is your son.
Benson didn´t do anything to me.
- Mr.
Dunfries - Really.
I did it to myself.
I had a lovely home, a family, and I wanted more.
See, that´s how Mark Benson does his work.
He exploits your greed.
When he´d got rid of all of my savings, they repossessed the house, and they threw us out in the street.
Jenny said that, well, she wanted time to think.
She took Tom with her.
So you wanted revenge? Getting jury service on this trial was a chance in a billion.
Then I found myself with that bunch of idiots.
He stood there and he sold them the same pack of lies that he sold to me.
And they wanted to let him go! And since you used to run a security company, you knew how to pick locks, set hidden cameras, all that.
Well, I didn´t think it would go that far.
I thought there´d be a mistrial.
And I thought the next jury would at least have two brain cells that you could rub together.
And also that you lot might have come up with a bit of, well, reasonable evidence.
Sir? Assistant Chief Constable Fisher wants a word.
Thank you.
Will you tell him I´ll see him as soon as I´ve spoken to the judge? I suppose you´re going to arrest me now, are you? I´m very sorry.
Constable? Eric Dunfries, I´m arresting you for attempting to pervert the course of justice.
You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defense if you do not mention when questioned anything that you may later rely on in court.
Cheer up, Crabbe.
I´ve put up with a lot worse things than this.
When I was in business.
You´ll, uh You´ll let them know, won´t you? My family, I mean.
They´re due back at any time.
I told her, you see, that it was just temporary.
Till I got back on my feet.
Oh, I´ve put up with a lot worse things than this.
Crabbe.
Crabbe! What the hell is going on? What´s all this about a mistrial? Turns out the jury foreman´s an old victim of Benson´s looking for revenge.
I´ve just informed his Lordship.
You might have consulted me first.
Well, I´m sorry, sir, but there wasn´t a lot of time, and it seemed the right thing to do.
Perhaps you´d like to come to the press conference and explain exactly why this trial has collapsed after four months.
I was simply following your orders, sir.
Besides, I don´t want to take all the credit.
Credit? What credit? Well, the Benevolent Fund has suffered because of Benson´s actions.
This demonstrates that the police are not prepared to see him tried unfairly.
Now, if that doesn´t reflect well on the force, I don´t know what will.
Besides, it´s what you said, sir Our job is to uphold justice, not to impose our own.
Yes.
Yes, I suppose that was rather well said.
It was.
It was.
Besides, we did get a result.
What sort of character is he, this man you´ve arrested? Well, quite sad, really.
More sinned against than sinning.
Nonsense.
He´s quite obviously a menace.
A bitter, cynical man determined to corrupt British justice without any regard to the safety of others.
Well, I suppose that´s another way of looking at it, sir.
I´ll handle the press, Crabbe.
You´ve done enough damage in one day.
Mr.
Benson, could we have a statement, please? My client is deeply shocked and saddened that this case has collapsed without giving him the chance to clear his name.
Do you think the CPS will now drop the charges? If they have an ounce of compassion, they will.
This trial has ruined my life.
What about my life, Mark? What about all the lives you´ve ruined, all the people who´ve lost their savings, their homes, their families? What about their lives?! And you still don´t remember me, do you?! You still don´t remember me! Mr.
Benson, is that one of your victims? The man must be a lunatic.
I´ve never seen him before in my life.
Please don´t push, ladies and gentlemen.
My client is a sick man.
And he has his golfing handicap to worry about.
Are you coming to the station, sir? No.
You sort it out.
I´ve got an errand to run.
Gary.
Someone here you ought to meet.
Andrew Vernon, Gary Palmer.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Ba-dum! Ah.
Treacle tart.
Ah, but just you taste it.
Then lock him in the fridge and keep him there till he gives you the recipe.
I´ll get a knife.
Oh.
Hello.
My usual table, I fancy.
Have you reserved? Only we´re fully booked.
Fine.
You´ve had your chance.
I´ll see you in court.
Actually I´m glad you came in.
I wanted to give you this.
You´re suing me? For sexual assault.
You wish.
I never touched you.
I´ve got 20 witnesses.
You can´t afford the publicity.
If it puts off creeps like you, mate, we could use the publicity.
Oh, yeah? Solicitors cost money, darling.
And I don´t think you earn many decent tips.
This one´s doing it for nothing.
She´s a regular.
In fact, you probably met her the other night when you stole her table.
Fine.
Tell you what Let´s just forget the whole thing.
And I won´t be coming back and neither will any of my friends.
Sounds like a reasonable offer.
I´ll think about it.
Mmm.
Very good.
- Like it? - Mmm.
- Everything all right, Sally? - Hunky-dory, Chef.
Good because I´ve had enough of court cases to last me for the duration.
Now come and have some treacle tart.
Mmm!
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