Red Oaks (2014) s03e01 Episode Script

Summer in the City

1 [CAR HORN HONKING] [INDISTINCT CHATTER] Extra napkins? Uh, no, thanks.
We have a ton at the office.
You know, uh, David Byrne almost ran me over the other day.
What? Uh David Byrne of the, uh, the Talking Heads.
- Ran you over? - Almost, yeah, on his bike.
Over on Thompson.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
I was like, "Hey, asshole!" Then I realized who it was.
- Then I was like, "Big fan!" - [GIRL CHUCKLES] He's great.
He's very good at all the songs.
Yeah, yeah, I love him.
Yeah, me, too.
I love him.
Yeah.
Seen his movie? Stop Making Sense? Yeah, I love it.
I actually own it.
No, I mean the one he directed last year, True Stories.
Oh, no, I must have missed that.
It was a very excellent movie.
Very well-directed and he's not a director.
- Oh, yeah? - I'm a director.
Cool.
Yeah, that's Yeah.
I hear that the Film Forum is screening it next week, - if you're curious.
- Yeah.
I'll have to check it out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You want to? Want to what? See it.
Excuse me? With me? Oh.
No.
- No? - No offense, it's just I'm a big believer in honesty and, I don't know, maybe once I would have told you that I have a boyfriend or that I'm into girls, but I don't do that anymore 'cause it's not fair to me, you know? It's just [SIGHS] - Right.
- Lies are toxic, you know? And your liver can't really filter them out, so they just kind of build and grow until they become cancer and just anyway, no.
["PULLED UP" BY TALKING HEADS PLAYING] Bye.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Mommy, Daddy, come and look at me now I'm a big man in a great big town Years ago who would believe it's true? Goes to show what a little faith can do I was complaining, I was down in the dumps I feel so strong now 'cause you pulled me up Pulled me up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up [VOCALIZING] Pulled me up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up.
I know where you're going with this, Jerry.
Like, just a spr a smattering of some hot bods around the set.
As long as they don't really touch Joan.
They just fawn a bit over her.
NIGEL: They will not touch her.
She'll be standing on the Countach.
- DEREK: Yes.
Yeah.
- JERRY: Okay.
This has to be about Joan.
Okay? -Well, we could discuss that.
Completely.
I mean, this is about the live show.
I mean, I have to say, Joan, I saw The Runaways play Japan in '77 and it was one of the most amazing performances I've ever witnessed.
That's cool.
JERRY: What were you, uh, doing over there? NIGEL: I was working on an international ad campaign.
Barf.
What's this? - DAVID: Your salad.
- My what? Your Oriental chicken salad with ginger dressing on the side.
JERRY: Salad?! Does she look like she fucking eats salad?! Guys, if this is any indication of what this fucking video - is gonna be like - DEREK: It's not, it's not.
This fucking salad is disgusting.
DEREK: Get that the fuck out of here, please.
JERRY: Do you know who she is?! She's Joan Jett for fuck's sake.
Yeah.
I'm-I'm so sorry.
I-I don't know what happened.
God, just get it out of here.
NIGEL: So sorry, Joan.
Uh, what else can we get for you? JERRY: Joan, look, here, have my Monte Cristo.
Seriously, I'm not even that hungry.
I'm just fucking with you, kid.
I did order the salad.
[LAUGHTER] JERRY: She was just fucking with you! - Good one.
- Yay.
JERRY: Ah, Joan! DEREK: Very funny.
Here you are.
Hey, Annabelle, what's up? Joan Jett wanted me to give this to you.
-Why? She said she was sorry for effing with you.
Also, that you need to step up your look.
She said "effing"? - Not exactly.
- Hmm.
Say "fuck.
" - No.
- Come on.
I'm having a shitty day.
Say [MOUTHS QUIETLY] Why are you having a crappy day? Because, as of today, I've been working here for nine months, and Derek still won't give me any responsibilities greater than grabbing lunch or making copies.
Sorry.
Well here, why don't you try this on? - Maybe it'll cheer you up.
- No.
Yes.
It won't fit.
It's a girl's.
Hmm, you have pretty narrow shoulders.
How do I look? Hmm.
Effing ridiculous.
[SIGHS] Base salary is $300 a week, but the real gelt oh! is in the private lessons.
$50 an hour which you will split with me 70/30.
How does that sound, boychik? Oy.
Okay, I guess.
[SCOFFS] You guess? Well, it's just, my friend teaches tennis over at Windybush and he splits his hourly 50/50.
Windybush? Let me enlighten you about Windybush as someone who used to work there.
It is a cesspool, a Superfund site built on an Indian burial ground.
And they'll just let anybody in.
Mazda dealers, mafioso, my ex-wife.
I've got it on very good authority that there is so much venereal disease among the membership there, they had to double the amount of chlorine in the pool.
My sister is a lifeguard there.
Well, then I wouldn't recommend sharing a towel with her.
My point, boychik, is that Red Oaks is a club of an entirely different caliber than Windybush.
And, yes, the split on the hourly rate is somewhat less in your favor, but you will be teaching captains of industry, pillars of the community, men without peer.
And as for their wives, well, let's just say you'd be hard-pressed to find their equal elsewhere.
In fact, the most challenging part of this job is resisting their charms, but resist them you must.
It's my one and only rule for employment here, is that understood? RUSTY: Sure.
Good.
Now, why don't you go get acquainted with the pro shop? I'll be right there.
Take you down to the courts.
[MAN SPEAKS JAPANESE] [INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT OVER P.
A.
] [INDISTINCT CHATTER] There you go.
MAN: Oh, nice.
Marcus.
I'm sorry to bother you, Mr.
Getty.
- My man, what's up? - You have a visitor.
Oh.
Frankie, got to go.
The wife's here.
All right.
Were you able to take care of that thing we discussed? Yes, sir.
Good man.
Fellas.
Whoa.
Edwin.
How are you, buddy? Thank you, Marcus.
Ma'am.
[GETTY CHUCKLES] Thank you.
Sir.
Well, at least it doesn't smell like balls today.
Oh, no, I had them do a total scrubdown.
And check this out, Egyptian cotton.
Wow.
How'd you swing that? The warden owes me a favor.
I've been giving him investment advice.
Come on, give it a feel.
That's very nice.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
Patience.
Come on.
We only have an hour.
As memory serves, you don't even need that long.
- Oh, are you funny.
- FAY: Hmm.
Yeah, but you know how I like a little nap afterwards, - so, let's, uh - I do.
Here.
Make yourself useful while I go change.
And light a candle.
All right.
You go change.
So you heard from Skye lately? FAY: Ugh.
We were supposed to have dinner in the city one night, and of course she canceled because she had to go to a protest thing.
- What kind of protest? - [KNOCKING ON DOOR] FAY: Oh, I don't know.
Uh uh, AIDS, uh, apartheid.
Anything that begins with an "A," she wants to protest.
Eh, what is it with her? Where'd she get this whole saving the world thing? - I don't know.
- She didn't get that from me, that's got to be your side.
[HUMS] - [LAUGHS] - Wow.
Holy cow.
Okay, you look really, really good.
You know, when you're giving a woman a compliment, the word "cow" should not be anywhere near that sentence.
- Okay.
My mistake.
- Just saying.
- Let me make it up to you.
- What's this? Don't ask me how.
Believe me, in this place, it's easier to get heroin.
[GROANS] Sweetheart, that is so sweet and nice, and I really appreciate the gesture, but I'm laying off the sauce for a bit.
Really? Okay.
Well, forget that.
And let's just, uh, step into my office.
[CHUCKLES] So, um Yeah.
Wow.
What are you doing? What's the matter? Promise you won't get mad? Okay, you have my interest.
What? [EXHALES] I had to sell the watch you bought me in Paris.
Why would you do that? We need the cash.
In fact, I've been thinking, I think it's time that, you know, I get a job.
Whoa-whoa, what no, what doing what? - Pharmaceutical sales.
- [SCOFFS] My sister says I can make 60 to 70 grand a year.
-No.
No, no, absolutely not.
No, I forbid it.
Oh, you "forbid it"? - I - [LAUGHS SOFTLY] Sweetie, call my lawyer, and just tell him how much you need to tide you over, and then he'll wire some money into the joint account.
- What money? - Yeah, well I have some emergency funds squirrelled away.
Where? Here and there.
Eh, those two places.
It's gonna be okay.
Listen.
In two months, I have my parole hearing.
And then, once I'm out of here [SIGHS] we'll just put this whole thing behind us.
Don't panic.
Can we fuck now? Yeah, I guess so.
That's the spirit.
[BOTH LAUGH] [MUSIC PLAYING, RHYTHMIC CLAPPING] We're gonna raise the roof, yes, we are We're gonna raise the roof to God We're gonna raise the roof, yes, we are We're gonna raise the roof to God We're gonna raise the roof to God.
Mm, yeah.
The Spirit was with you today, Sam.
Well, thank you, sir.
You really should join us for Bible study sometime.
You know, I would.
But I think if I did convert, my dad might crawl out of his grave at B'nai Israel Cemetery and strangle me to death.
[LAUGHTER] CHOIR MEMBER [LAUGHING]: Have a good night.
TERRY: Mm.
How's the sandwich? Most delicious thing I've ever put in my mouth.
No, no, no.
Really, really, how is it? Swear on my mama's wig.
It's the only thing I can do not to weep.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
You know what my secret is? Sun-dried tomatoes.
I chop them up real fine, and then I mix them in with the mayonnaise.
How'd you come up with that? I don't know, I read cookbooks in the bathroom.
Well, you're an artist.
I didn't think you could top last week's muffaletta, but you did.
You know, it's funny.
When I first got divorced, I thought I would hate cooking for myself, but turns out, I love it.
Hmm.
You're a regular Frugal Gourmet.
Eh.
Sis, you ready to go? Oh, I still have to organize these hymnals and get all these robes put away.
Well, I got to get home.
'Cause Laverne is at a PTA meeting, and I don't trust Junior home alone.
- He might burn the house down.
- SAM: Well, you know, I'm not in a rush.
I could stick around and help you out, you know, give you a lift home.
Oh, that's kind of you, Sam, but I don't want to be a bother.
No, no problem.
Are you sure? -Yeah.
Yeah, go on, get out of here.
- Ah.
- I'll see you at the office.
Thanks, buddy.
Sis.
Mwah.
See you later, yeah? SHIRLEY: All right, bye, bye.
[CHUCKLES] You think he suspects anything? Mm-mm, nope.
You think we should tell him? Uh, eventually.
Why, you think it's a bad idea? Well, he's usually a little overprotective of me and my sister.
Once, he tried to run over my ex-husband after he found out he was cheating on me.
You know what? Let's not tell him.
[BOTH LAUGH] [MEN SPEAKING JAPANESE] DIRECTOR: We need to get through about 30 shots a day, and I told you about 150 times that I really want a crane to boom down.
Right when the band comes in, I want there to be smoke.
Look, I'm not trying to scare the audience away, you know? It's like, something where it's like in your face, - Yeah, right.
- But also - I want you to ease in, AND I WANT - DEREK: You.
- What are you doing right now? - Uh, nothing.
Okay, I need 25 mannequins.
Sorry? -Do you need me to write it down? Maybe you can read lips, here: 25 mannequins, female.
And make sure they're silver.
Right now we're in a music video Derek? Derek? Uh - Derek, wh-where do I get them? - I'm sorry.
Were you a crack baby or are you just retarded? How should I know where to find mannequins? Do I look like a tailor? No.
Now get on it before I find something more intelligent to replace you with, like an aloe plant.
Throwing it in the faces of the audience.
We're trying to work this thing together, and I feel like Who's this guy? [GRUNTS SOFTLY] [EXHALING SHARPLY] NASH: Hey.
After you.
Go ahead, yeah.
MISTY: Nash! My dear.
[LAUGHING]: Hi.
Oh, look at you, like Bo Derek.
[BOTH LAUGH] Ah.
Good to see you.
- Good to see you.
- Mm-hmm.
How you doing? You flossing? - Every day.
I love it! - Good boy.
And you've got a graduation coming up, is that correct? Yeah, yeah, in August.
Yeah, I finished all my coursework.
All I have left is 30 hours of observation at a dental practice, then I'm done.
I assume you have some grand plans to celebrate.
Uh, you know, I mean, Wheeler and I have been talking - about going away for a few days.
- Oh! But the truth is, we're so broke from school.
- Ah, yes.
Huh.
- So - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
Uh, you know, I should probably get ready to teach my tadpole class.
- Of course.
- Catch you later.
- Yes.
- All right.
Uh, uh, Misty.
Uh, might I ask you a small question, please? Have you, have you noticed an inordinate number of, uh uh, uh, Japanese gentlemen about the club recently? - Japanese gentlemen? - Mm-hmm.
Um, no.
Why? No reason.
Children, come learn.
Learn to swim from the best.
All right, tadpoles.
I'm effed.
- What's wrong? - I need your help.
Derek sent me to find 25 mannequins, so I called every prop house in the city.
Nobody has any.
So I've been to Saks, Macy's, Barneys, Bloomingdale's.
None of them are willing to rent their mannequins, so now I'm out of ideas.
What do I do? Come with me.
Where you going? Garment district.
Won't you get in trouble? No.
Susan's on set all day.
She won't even notice.
Great.
There's a sadness To this night Even when I sing a tune In the future, you could listen along Dance to pieces right around the room Ah Baby, your song Wouldn't want to let you down - Baby, your song - For the hint and situation - Baby, your song - From your loving call - Baby, your song - Love to see you thrive - Baby, your song - You're never out of town - Baby, your song - But you're never at home Baby, your song When you're looking worse for wear Baby, your song Ship at harbor Give it time.
How did you know about that place going out of business? Oh, I walk past it every day.
It's right by my subway stop.
Ah, where do you live again? 44th and 11th.
Hell's Kitchen? Oh.
- What? - Nothing.
Uh, well, my ex is your neighbor.
Or was.
She could've moved by now.
Well, if she ever asks me to borrow a cup of sugar, I will be sure to say no to her.
Hmm, Skye isn't the type of girl that does a lot of baking.
- Oh, no? - No.
What kind of girl is she? She's an artist, a painter.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
- Last I heard, she was taking classes at The New School.
So, tortured.
More like complicated, you know? Like a only child from a messed up family.
Yeah.
Which, I guess, also describes me.
[LAUGHS] You're about the opposite of complicated.
- Really? - Yeah, I would say.
That's good, I think.
Do you miss her? Uh, I don't know.
Sure, yeah, sometimes.
- Yeah? - But I think by the end we both we kind of realized that we were just too different from each other.
I've never really bought into that whole "opposites attract" thing.
-No? No.
I just don't think it works.
Long-term, at least, right? Right, well, yeah, I'm a perfect example.
[LAUGHS] Yeah, exactly.
Can I have a drag? Thank you.
So, what happened with the bagel shop hottie? Oh, it didn't happen.
She stood me up.
You're kidding.
-No.
I had a very good time alone.
Oh, my God! That is so rude.
Yeah, it's no big deal.
I'm not sure how serious it could've gone about a girl with so many tattoos.
You know? I mean we wouldn't have been able to be buried together at a Jewish cemetery.
It's a joke.
You don't have Jews back in Nebraska, do you? No, we-we do, we do.
- You do? - We do.
Yes.
The Rubens.
- The Ru [LAUGHS] - Mm-hmm.
The Rubens? Well, hey, if you tell me what kind of person you're interested in, I can set you up with one of my single girlfriends.
- Really? - Yeah.
Hey.
Noah.
Hey.
What are you doing here? Uh, I was, uh, on my way back to our place.
Figured I'd swing by and surprise you.
Uh, do you want to grab dinner somewhere? Yes, yes, I do.
I'm Noah, by the way.
Oh, hey, yeah, I-I'm David.
- Great to finally meet you.
- David.
Pleasure's mine.
Uh, you're welcome to join us if you'd like.
Oh, that's very kind.
Um, I've got to get these back to set, but thank you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
[LAUGHS] Thank you for, uh she saved my ass.
Uh, thank you so much.
You're great.
Anytime.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah, you, too.
[MEN SPEAKING JAPANESE] - [GASPS] - Oh! Are you trying to give me my third heart attack? I'm sorry, Herb.
I don't know what kind of funny business goes on in Turkish baths, but in this country, we don't play hide-and-seek with our shvanz out.
Oh, dear, sorry.
My cousin Mehmet suffered from hallucinations, but then again, he was hit in the head with a cricket ball as a child.
[SNIFFS] Those Japanese fellas sure like their aftershave.
You've seen them, too? Oh, saw 'em on the golf course earlier.
Who are they? The rumor is they're trying to buy the club.
[QUIETLY]: What? DEREK: All right, put a fan on the other side.
We got to move the smoke around 'cause he has asthma.
Just set him up, okay? He gets - DAVID: Hey, Derek.
- What? Mission accomplished.
The rest are still in the van.
Spray paint is still wet on a few of them.
Should be ready by crew call tomorrow.
Oh, those, yeah.
I don't need those anymore.
What did you say? I don't need it anymore.
The director wants to go with live chicks with body paint.
What? -We can't use that.
That's sexist.
[STAMMERS] What do I do with where would you like them? DEREK: Kid, get it the fuck out of here.
Put it anywhere.
Bring it home.
Put it in your closet.
I don't fucking care.
Funny.
Very funny.
Bye-bye.
Take her out, buy her dinner.
See you.
"Dear Mr.
Meyers, thank you for submitting your short film.
"Unfortunately, at this time, we cannot include it in our Young Director's Showcase.
" Hello, Nasser.
How are you? Is it true? Is what true? Are the Japanese buying Red Oaks? We've been approached.
What does that mean? [CHUCKLES] It means there's serious interest.
But no offer, so Not yet, but we should have one any day.
Yuck.
I don't understand.
Why are we even considering selling Red Oaks? Because Red Oaks is in trouble.
Membership is down.
- Wha - Young families are are considering different ways to spend their leisure time which-which is why we have no operating reserves, and we're struggling to maintain the fairway drainage and irrigation systems and a thousand other improvements we should've made ages ago.
- [CAR HORN HONKS] - WHEELER: Dude! - [WHEELER LAUGHS] - Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
Traffic was a bitch.
Throw me the keys.
Catch.
Awesome.
That's your set.
Don't lose them.
So good to see you! ["YOU BE ILLIN'" BY RUN-DMC PLAYING] This summer is gonna be very cool! [BOTH LAUGHING] - All right, I'm coming up.
- Come on up.
[LAUGHING]: All right.
I'm coming up.
Come up then.
All right.
I'm gonna do it.
[LAUGHS] All right.
Seriously, though, I'm gonna come up.
You be illin' Illin' You be illin' Illin' You be illin' Illin' You be illin' Today you won a ticket to see Dr.
J - Front row seat - In free No pay Radio in hand, snacks by feet Game's about to start, you kickin' popcorn to the beat You finally wake up, Doc's gone to town Round his back, through the hoop, then you scream "Touchdown!" You be illin' Illin' You be illin' Illin' You be illin' Illin' Run, what'd you tell that kid? You be illin' The other day around the way Oh, oh I seen you illin' at a party Oh, oh Drunk as a skunk, you illin' punk Oh, oh And in your left hand was Bacardi Oh, oh You went up to this fly girl and said Oh, oh "Yo, yo, can I get this dance?" Oh, oh She smelt your breath and then she left You standin' in your illin' stance You be illin' Illin' You know what your problem is? You be illin' Yo, Run, what did you tell that kid? You be illin' Illin' You be illin'.