Reno 911! (2003) s04e11 Episode Script
Reno Mounties
why don't you just cut the why don't you just cut the why don't you just cut the crap?! You're good at sticking Crap?! You're good at sticking Crap?! You're good at sticking to your story, but we're onto To your story, but we're onto To your story, but we're onto you, all right? Do you know You, all right? Do you know You, all right? Do you know who's behind that mirror? You Who's behind that mirror? You Who's behind that mirror? You know who's there? The dea, the Know who's there? The dea, the Know who's there? The dea, the fbi, and they're about to crawl Fbi, and they're about to crawl Fbi, and they're about to crawl right up your puckered pooper, Right up your puckered pooper, Right up your puckered pooper, because we got Because we got Because we got oh, my god.
It totally works.
oh, my god.
It totally works.
oh, my god.
It totally works.
You can actually drink a soda You can actually drink a soda You can actually drink a soda off your ass.
Off your ass.
Off your ass.
I told you.
I told you.
I told you.
I wanna get this.
Does your I wanna get this.
Does your I wanna get this.
Does your camera-phone have a flash? Camera-phone have a flash? Camera-phone have a flash? no.
no.
no.
oh.
Let me get the light.
oh.
Let me get the light.
oh.
Let me get the light.
Both: Cheese! Both: Cheese! Both: Cheese! ha ha! umSorry.
umSorry.
umSorry.
we've been in here a while.
we've been in here a while.
we've been in here a while.
sorry to interrupt.
Continue.
sorry to interrupt.
Continue.
sorry to interrupt.
Continue.
so yeah, you better talk so yeah, you better talk so yeah, you better talk hello, special agent.
hello, special agent.
hello, special agent.
Welcome back into the room.
she tricked me! It was a she tricked me! It was a she tricked me! It was a trick! hyah! I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
whoa! whoa! whoa! oh! Oh! [blows whistle.]
[blows whistle.]
[blows whistle.]
ok.
All right.
I got him by ok.
All right.
I got him by ok.
All right.
I got him by the belt.
get back in the building! get back in the building! get back in the building! No loitering! aah! aah! aah! [siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
mtv networks.]
it's real quiet in here it's real quiet in here it's real quiet in here without 'em, isn't it? Without 'em, isn't it? Without 'em, isn't it? mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
it's kinda nice.
it's kinda nice.
it's kinda nice.
it smells better, too.
it smells better, too.
it smells better, too.
does garcia not always smell does garcia not always smell does garcia not always smell like bean farts and zest? Like bean farts and zest? Like bean farts and zest? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
zest soap.
zest soap.
zest soap.
well, it's old-mexican-man well, it's old-mexican-man well, it's old-mexican-man smell.
Smell.
Smell.
> oh, it's so bad.
> oh, it's so bad.
> oh, it's so bad.
I say good riddance to him.
I say good riddance to him.
I say good riddance to him.
you know what I don't miss? you know what I don't miss? you know what I don't miss? I don't miss that tall black I don't miss that tall black I don't miss that tall black guy.
Guy.
Guy.
that's where you and I part that's where you and I part that's where you and I part ways.
Do you really-- Ways.
Do you really-- Ways.
Do you really-- well, if I'm honest, a sister well, if I'm honest, a sister well, if I'm honest, a sister does miss a brother.
Does miss a brother.
Does miss a brother.
oh! oh! oh! oh, yes! Ha ha ha! oh, yes! Ha ha ha! oh, yes! Ha ha ha! read 'em and weep, people.
read 'em and weep, people.
read 'em and weep, people.
Qualified mounted police.
Qualified mounted police.
Qualified mounted police.
I have maternity panties, but I have maternity panties, but I have maternity panties, but I didn't come in in those.
I didn't come in in those.
I didn't come in in those.
yeah, you did.
yeah, you did.
yeah, you did.
yeah, you did.
yeah, you did.
yeah, you did.
well, that was yesterday, well, that was yesterday, well, that was yesterday, but today I'm wearing slacks.
But today I'm wearing slacks.
But today I'm wearing slacks.
uh, do you people from the uh, do you people from the uh, do you people from the mounted unit have any other Mounted unit have any other Mounted unit have any other business in here? 'cause Business in here? 'cause Business in here? 'cause otherwise, the regular Otherwise, the regular Otherwise, the regular deputies-- Deputies-- Deputies-- we're all right.
If you need we're all right.
If you need we're all right.
If you need us to ride by where you are-- Us to ride by where you are-- Us to ride by where you are-- oh, I heard they're gonna oh, I heard they're gonna oh, I heard they're gonna give you a pony 'cause you're so Give you a pony 'cause you're so Give you a pony 'cause you're so small.
Small.
Small.
oh, that's a good joke, oh, that's a good joke, oh, that's a good joke, kimball.
That's real funny.
Kimball.
That's real funny.
Kimball.
That's real funny.
real funny.
real funny.
real funny.
yeah, let's-- yeah, let's-- yeah, let's-- you don't have to turn on me.
you don't have to turn on me.
you don't have to turn on me.
I'm not the one prancing in I'm not the one prancing in I'm not the one prancing in here-- Here-- Here-- hey, partner, let's ride.
hey, partner, let's ride.
hey, partner, let's ride.
oh! oh! oh! I didn't think you could get I didn't think you could get I didn't think you could get any gayer.
Any gayer.
Any gayer.
have fun making out on the have fun making out on the have fun making out on the back seat of your horse.
Back seat of your horse.
Back seat of your horse.
oh, I will.
oh, I will.
oh, I will.
Yee-hah! Yee-hah! Yee-hah! you left your helmet, you left your helmet, you left your helmet, faggot! Faggot! Faggot! hey.
Hey.
Hey.
hey.
Hey.
Hey.
hey.
Hey.
Hey.
your horsy hat! your horsy hat! your horsy hat! I'm gonna take it and see if I'm gonna take it and see if I'm gonna take it and see if they'll give me a ride.
They'll give me a ride.
They'll give me a ride.
don't go kissing up to them don't go kissing up to them don't go kissing up to them just 'cause they're in mounted Just 'cause they're in mounted Just 'cause they're in mounted now.
Lock the door.
Now.
Lock the door.
Now.
Lock the door.
she is a kiss-up.
she is a kiss-up.
she is a kiss-up.
she can't fit that butt on she can't fit that butt on she can't fit that butt on a horse.
A horse.
A horse.
first time garcia's been first time garcia's been first time garcia's been mounted in about 20 years.
Mounted in about 20 years.
Mounted in about 20 years.
mounted unit.
You couldn't mounted unit.
You couldn't mounted unit.
You couldn't pay someone to mount his unit Pay someone to mount his unit Pay someone to mount his unit if, uhHang on.
Give me a If, uhHang on.
Give me a If, uhHang on.
Give me a moment.
butch.
butch.
butch.
sundance.
sundance.
sundance.
Whoa.
Look at that.
Whoa.
Look at that.
Whoa.
Look at that.
oh! oh! oh! there you go.
there you go.
there you go.
This is the life, partner.
This is the life, partner.
This is the life, partner.
I ain't going back.
I ain't going back.
I ain't going back.
[chokes, coughs.]
oh, man! [chokes, coughs.]
oh, man! [chokes, coughs.]
oh, man! you good? you good? you good? something in the air! something in the air! something in the air! [coughs.]
[coughs.]
[coughs.]
you sure you're good? you sure you're good? you sure you're good? [gasping for air.]
[gasping for air.]
[gasping for air.]
[coughs.]
[coughs.]
[coughs.]
I'm ok.
I'm fine.
I'm all right.
I'm ok.
I'm fine.
I'm all right.
I'm ok.
I'm fine.
I'm all right.
[police radio chatter, [police radio chatter, [police radio chatter, indistinct.]
Indistinct.]
Indistinct.]
that's a shame.
that's a shame.
that's a shame.
Giddy-up, partner.
Come on.
I mean, I don't want to be I mean, I don't want to be I mean, I don't want to be racist-- Racist-- Racist-- ok.
ok.
ok.
but--and I know that but--and I know that but--and I know that African-americans are very African-americans are very African-americans are very proud, stoic, intelligent Proud, stoic, intelligent Proud, stoic, intelligent people.
People.
People.
right.
right.
right.
but there's a reason why but there's a reason why but there's a reason why black people don't ride horses, Black people don't ride horses, Black people don't ride horses, because they have a jungle scent Because they have a jungle scent Because they have a jungle scent that animals are afraid of.
That animals are afraid of.
That animals are afraid of.
I don't see how anybody could I don't see how anybody could I don't see how anybody could take that asRacist.
Take that asRacist.
Take that asRacist.
that's what I told jones, but that's what I told jones, but that's what I told jones, but he--now he hasn't talked to me He--now he hasn't talked to me He--now he hasn't talked to me for 4 days, and he looked at me For 4 days, and he looked at me For 4 days, and he looked at me like he was gonna punch me in Like he was gonna punch me in Like he was gonna punch me in the chest.
[shouting.]
sheriff's de-- [shouting.]
sheriff's de-- [shouting.]
sheriff's de-- shh! shh! shh! [whispering.]
sheriff's [whispering.]
sheriff's [whispering.]
sheriff's department.
Department.
Department.
hey, I saw my p.
O.
On hey, I saw my p.
O.
On hey, I saw my p.
O.
On Tuesday.
Tuesday.
Tuesday.
oh, yeah.
No, this ain't oh, yeah.
No, this ain't oh, yeah.
No, this ain't about that.
About that.
About that.
oh, ok.
Good.
oh, ok.
Good.
oh, ok.
Good.
uh, they called and said we uh, they called and said we uh, they called and said we were coming.
We're from the Were coming.
We're from the Were coming.
We're from the sheriff's department.
We got Sheriff's department.
We got Sheriff's department.
We got a court order that one of your A court order that one of your A court order that one of your paintings is offensive, and Paintings is offensive, and Paintings is offensive, and we're supposed to take it down.
We're supposed to take it down.
We're supposed to take it down.
They said the offensive one was They said the offensive one was They said the offensive one was pretty obvious, so we'll just, Pretty obvious, so we'll just, Pretty obvious, so we'll just, uh Uh Uh help yourself.
help yourself.
help yourself.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
do you have, like, an do you have, like, an do you have, like, an offensive section, or like the Offensive section, or like the Offensive section, or like the porn section in a video store? Porn section in a video store? Porn section in a video store? it's an art galley, so it's it's an art galley, so it's it's an art galley, so it's all pretty offensive.
All pretty offensive.
All pretty offensive.
it's all pretty offensive it's all pretty offensive it's all pretty offensive to me.
To me.
To me.
that looks like he's got, that looks like he's got, that looks like he's got, like, a big red dog cock.
Like, a big red dog cock.
bingo.
bingo.
bingo.
chocolate tits.
chocolate tits.
chocolate tits.
get a load of this.
get a load of this.
get a load of this.
[whispering.]
it seems-- [whispering.]
it seems-- [whispering.]
it seems-- it seems unpatriotic.
It seems unpatriotic.
It seems unpatriotic.
robot balls.
To me, that robot balls.
To me, that robot balls.
To me, that looks just like robot balls.
Looks just like robot balls.
Looks just like robot balls.
robot balls? robot balls? robot balls? robot balls.
Little chocolate robot balls.
Little chocolate robot balls.
Little chocolate robot balls.
Robot balls.
Robot balls.
is it painted with poop? is it painted with poop? is it painted with poop? I'm gonna smell it.
[whispering.]
maybe you gotta [whispering.]
maybe you gotta [whispering.]
maybe you gotta scratch it.
Scratch it.
Scratch it.
you ain't supposed to touch you ain't supposed to touch you ain't supposed to touch nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
[scratching on painting.]
[scratching on painting.]
[scratching on painting.]
don't do that! Don't do that! Don't do that! a little piece came off.
a little piece came off.
a little piece came off.
A little piece came off.
A little piece came off.
A little piece came off.
A piece came off.
Walk away.
A piece came off.
Walk away.
A piece came off.
Walk away.
sir, which one of these sir, which one of these sir, which one of these offends you the most do you Offends you the most do you Offends you the most do you think?? Think?? Think?? well, I am tired of looking well, I am tired of looking well, I am tired of looking at that giant cock.
At that giant cock.
At that giant cock.
I don't see it.
I don't see it.
I don't see it.
I don't either.
I don't either.
I don't either.
[whispering.]
I don't see it [whispering.]
I don't see it [whispering.]
I don't see it either.
Either.
Either.
what are we supposed to do what are we supposed to do what are we supposed to do with these? With these? With these? I don't know, but could you I don't know, but could you I don't know, but could you help me put his over my couch? 911 call here at the old 911 call here at the old 911 call here at the old brothel.
Brothel.
Brothel.
Sheriff's department! Sheriff's department! Sheriff's department! Somebody call? Are you all Somebody call? Are you all Somebody call? Are you all right? Are you ok? Who called Right? Are you ok? Who called Right? Are you ok? Who called Girl: He did.
Girl: He did.
Girl: He did.
he's bleeding.
He's bleeding.
he's bleeding.
He's bleeding.
he's bleeding.
He's bleeding.
she hit me! [weeps.]
she hit me! [weeps.]
she hit me! [weeps.]
she hit you? she hit you? she hit you? ma'am, I'm sorry.
You're ma'am, I'm sorry.
You're ma'am, I'm sorry.
You're under arrest.
Under arrest.
Under arrest.
I hate to do this, but, um-- I hate to do this, but, um-- I hate to do this, but, um-- I paid for that.
I paid for that.
I paid for that.
you paid for that? you paid for that? you paid for that? you paid for her to hit you? you paid for her to hit you? you paid for her to hit you? she kicked me! she kicked me! she kicked me! oh, she kicked you! oh, she kicked you! oh, she kicked you! she kicked you? she kicked you? she kicked you? [weeping.]
oh, my god! [weeping.]
oh, my god! [weeping.]
oh, my god! ma'am, you are not allowed ma'am, you are not allowed ma'am, you are not allowed to kick or beat the-- To kick or beat the-- To kick or beat the-- she's gotta call the police-- she's gotta call the police-- she's gotta call the police-- shh.
I paid for it.
I paid shh.
I paid for it.
I paid shh.
I paid for it.
I paid for that.
For that.
For that.
you paid for that, too? you paid for that, too? you paid for that, too? all right.
So, you called the all right.
So, you called the all right.
So, you called the police-- Police-- Police-- I can't drive.
I'm too-- I can't drive.
I'm too-- I can't drive.
I'm too-- I'm too drunk.
I can't drive.
I'm too drunk.
I can't drive.
I'm too drunk.
I can't drive.
You guys gotta give me a ride You guys gotta give me a ride You guys gotta give me a ride home.
Home.
Home.
that's why you called 911? that's why you called 911? that's why you called 911? I need a ride home.
I need a ride home.
I need a ride home.
is it all right if we leave is it all right if we leave is it all right if we leave him cuffed to this chair? Him cuffed to this chair? Him cuffed to this chair? no! Take him away.
no! Take him away.
no! Take him away.
senator, we can't keep coming senator, we can't keep coming senator, we can't keep coming out here and doing this.
Out here and doing this.
Out here and doing this.
senator, I voted for you.
ok--no, no, no.
ok--no, no, no.
ok--no, no, no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
careful.
careful.
careful.
careful, patrick, careful.
careful, patrick, careful.
careful, patrick, careful.
this is deputy bates.
this is deputy bates.
this is deputy bates.
deputy bates.
deputy bates.
deputy bates.
patrick.
He was a wonderful patrick.
He was a wonderful patrick.
He was a wonderful member of our force a few years Member of our force a few years Member of our force a few years back.
Back.
Back.
wonderful.
One of our great wonderful.
One of our great wonderful.
One of our great new recruits a couple years New recruits a couple years New recruits a couple years back.
Back.
Back.
yeah, he had a lot of promise yeah, he had a lot of promise yeah, he had a lot of promise and--unfortunately, his very And--unfortunately, his very And--unfortunately, his very first day on the job, uh, he had First day on the job, uh, he had First day on the job, uh, he had a little accident.
A little accident.
A little accident.
friendly fire.
friendly fire.
friendly fire.
yeah.
Jim shot him in the yeah.
Jim shot him in the yeah.
Jim shot him in the head, and now Head, and now Head, and now he's back! Happy day! he's back! Happy day! he's back! Happy day! Uh, yeah.
For legal reasons, we Uh, yeah.
For legal reasons, we Uh, yeah.
For legal reasons, we either had to take him back or Either had to take him back or Either had to take him back or settle a rather large Settle a rather large Settle a rather large settlement.
Settlement.
Settlement.
we're happy to have him! we're happy to have him! we're happy to have him! yay! Patrick's back! yay! Patrick's back! yay! Patrick's back! yay! yay! yay! Ok.
Don't get all-- Ok.
Don't get all-- Ok.
Don't get all-- patrick! Patrick! Patrick! No, no, no! We have a special No, no, no! We have a special No, no, no! We have a special phone.
A special phone for Phone.
A special phone for Phone.
A special phone for patrick.
Patrick.
Patrick.
emergency phone.
emergency phone.
emergency phone.
911! 911! 911! deputy bates.
Do you deputy bates.
Do you deputy bates.
Do you remember? Remember? Remember? remember? remember? remember? Both: Yay! Both: Yay! Both: Yay! "hello?" "hello?" "hello?" "hello.
" "hello.
" "hello.
" "hello.
" "hello.
" "hello.
" no, no! Do not eat her baby! no, no! Do not eat her baby! no, no! Do not eat her baby! Do not eat her baby! Do not eat her baby! Do not eat her baby! look who's back.
look who's back.
look who's back.
who's the most special guy in who's the most special guy in who's the most special guy in town? Town? Town? it's patrick.
it's patrick.
it's patrick.
My hand.
No.
Ow! My hand.
No.
Ow! My hand.
No.
Ow! patrick! patrick! patrick! your badge is very shiny, your badge is very shiny, your badge is very shiny, and it looks just like mine.
And it looks just like mine.
And it looks just like mine.
Isn't that neat? Isn't that neat? Isn't that neat? look at that.
look at that.
look at that.
oh.
UhI don't oh.
UhI don't oh.
UhI don't just--just let him do it.
just--just let him do it.
just--just let him do it.
Just let him do it.
Just let him do it.
Just let him do it.
We've all been there.
the doctor said I had come the doctor said I had come the doctor said I had come down with a rare case of what he Down with a rare case of what he Down with a rare case of what he called, uh, equian, uh, Called, uh, equian, uh, Called, uh, equian, uh, olfactosus, which is basically Olfactosus, which is basically Olfactosus, which is basically my nasal passages and the horse My nasal passages and the horse My nasal passages and the horse hide don't get along.
Hide don't get along.
Hide don't get along.
Unfortunately, it's gonna be Unfortunately, it's gonna be Unfortunately, it's gonna be back in the old black and white Back in the old black and white Back in the old black and white with jonsey and I.
I know he's With jonsey and I.
I know he's With jonsey and I.
I know he's gonna be sad to leave, but, uh, Gonna be sad to leave, but, uh, Gonna be sad to leave, but, uh, you know, partners are partners, You know, partners are partners, You know, partners are partners, and, uh, and law is thicker than And, uh, and law is thicker than And, uh, and law is thicker than water, as they say.
Water, as they say.
Water, as they say.
ladies.
Yep.
Ha ha! Hey.
ladies.
Yep.
Ha ha! Hey.
ladies.
Yep.
Ha ha! Hey.
can we get a picture of your can we get a picture of your can we get a picture of your horse? Horse? Horse? oh.
Hey.
Of course.
oh.
Hey.
Of course.
oh.
Hey.
Of course.
Couple stallions right here, Couple stallions right here, Couple stallions right here, huh? All right.
Huh? All right.
Huh? All right.
thank you.
thank you.
thank you.
no problem.
You are real no problem.
You are real no problem.
You are real cute.
Cute.
Cute.
thank you.
thank you.
thank you.
you go to the university, you go to the university, you go to the university, or Or Or nope.
nope.
nope.
nope? What are y'all--what is nope? What are y'all--what is nope? What are y'all--what is everybody doing later? Everybody doing later? Everybody doing later? hey, how are you doing there? hey, how are you doing there? hey, how are you doing there? hey.
How you doing, man? hey.
How you doing, man? hey.
How you doing, man? I'm all right.
Hey, ladies.
I'm all right.
Hey, ladies.
I'm all right.
Hey, ladies.
I'll get back with y'all, I'll get back with y'all, I'll get back with y'all, ladies.
All right.
What's up? Ladies.
All right.
What's up? Ladies.
All right.
What's up? well, the doctor says I can't well, the doctor says I can't well, the doctor says I can't get within 15 feet of the horse Get within 15 feet of the horse Get within 15 feet of the horse there.
There.
There.
can you hold on for a second? can you hold on for a second? can you hold on for a second? [whispering, indistinct.]
[whispering, indistinct.]
[whispering, indistinct.]
oh, hey there, jones.
oh, hey there, jones.
oh, hey there, jones.
Remember me? Garcia? Your Remember me? Garcia? Your Remember me? Garcia? Your partner? Hello? Partner? Hello? Partner? Hello? hmm? hmm? hmm? I mean, uh, we are still I mean, uh, we are still I mean, uh, we are still gonna be partners.
I mean, uh Gonna be partners.
I mean, uh Gonna be partners.
I mean, uh I mean, I know I can't ride a I mean, I know I can't ride a I mean, I know I can't ride a horse.
So I'm reckoning you're Horse.
So I'm reckoning you're Horse.
So I'm reckoning you're gonna come back in the crown vic Gonna come back in the crown vic Gonna come back in the crown vic with me.
I mean, uh, we do have With me.
I mean, uh, we do have With me.
I mean, uh, we do have well, 'cause you're-- well, 'cause you're-- well, 'cause you're-- I mean, because you're, you I mean, because you're, you I mean, because you're, you know-- Know-- Know-- well, yeah-- well, yeah-- well, yeah-- because you're incapacitated because you're incapacitated because you're incapacitated doesn't mean that I, you know, Doesn't mean that I, you know, Doesn't mean that I, you know, gotta go back to--I'm here, man.
Gotta go back to--I'm here, man.
Gotta go back to--I'm here, man.
well, you are here, and you well, you are here, and you well, you are here, and you are my partner, and I guess if Are my partner, and I guess if Are my partner, and I guess if you want to leave me hanging out You want to leave me hanging out You want to leave me hanging out to dry, that's fine.
To dry, that's fine.
To dry, that's fine.
If you don't need me, then I If you don't need me, then I If you don't need me, then I don't need you, either, ok? Don't need you, either, ok? Don't need you, either, ok? I'll talk to you later.
I'll talk to you later.
I'll talk to you later.
hey, old boy.
Garcia.
I do hey, old boy.
Garcia.
I do hey, old boy.
Garcia.
I do need you.
Hold on.
Come on back.
Need you.
Hold on.
Come on back.
Need you.
Hold on.
Come on back.
yeah? yeah? yeah? say "white girls love say "white girls love say "white girls love horses.
" holy shit! holy shit! holy shit! Reno, we got an officer down.
Reno, we got an officer down.
Reno, we got an officer down.
I need medical attention I need medical attention I need medical attention immediately.
Junior! Junior! Immediately.
Junior! Junior! Immediately.
Junior! Junior! kimball? kimball? kimball? oh, my god! Oh, my god! oh, my god! Oh, my god! oh, my god! Oh, my god! I've been wearing this vest I've been wearing this vest I've been wearing this vest for 7 years.
The bullet went For 7 years.
The bullet went For 7 years.
The bullet went right through it like butter.
Right through it like butter.
Right through it like butter.
you're gonna be just fine.
you're gonna be just fine.
you're gonna be just fine.
So, uh, looking forward to those So, uh, looking forward to those So, uh, looking forward to those emts asap, sir.
Emts asap, sir.
Emts asap, sir.
I'm real cold.
I'm real cold.
I'm real cold.
oh! oh! oh! things are getting things are getting things are getting ok.
ok.
ok.
no, I'm ok.
no, I'm ok.
no, I'm ok.
I'm just gonna rock you like I'm just gonna rock you like I'm just gonna rock you like this.
Do you like that? Does This.
Do you like that? Does This.
Do you like that? Does that make you feel good? That make you feel good? That make you feel good? that feels good.
that feels good.
that feels good.
I think you should just keep I think you should just keep I think you should just keep talking.
Talking.
Talking.
yeah? yeah? yeah? I don't know you at all.
I don't know you at all.
I don't know you at all.
you know, you're just a nice you know, you're just a nice you know, you're just a nice person, and to me, it's almost Person, and to me, it's almost Person, and to me, it's almost a shame that you're A shame that you're A shame that you're You know.
You know.
You know.
what? what? what? seems like you could be a seems like you could be a seems like you could be a pretty decent piece of ass if Pretty decent piece of ass if Pretty decent piece of ass if you weren't a lesbian.
That's You weren't a lesbian.
That's You weren't a lesbian.
That's all I'm saying.
Not that I'm-- All I'm saying.
Not that I'm-- All I'm saying.
Not that I'm-- a, thank you.
A, thank you.
a, thank you.
A, thank you.
a, thank you.
A, thank you.
And b, I am not a lesbian.
And b, I am not a lesbian.
And b, I am not a lesbian.
Just because I have had Just because I have had Just because I have had thoughts, perhaps dreams, Thoughts, perhaps dreams, Thoughts, perhaps dreams, does not mean that I have Does not mean that I have Does not mean that I have participated in a sexual manner Participated in a sexual manner Participated in a sexual manner with another woman.
With another woman.
With another woman.
hmm.
Well, I guess you ain't hmm.
Well, I guess you ain't hmm.
Well, I guess you ain't a race car driver unless you get A race car driver unless you get A race car driver unless you get behind the wheel.
Behind the wheel.
Behind the wheel.
that's a good way to look at that's a good way to look at that's a good way to look at it.
It.
It.
you know, I'd love you know, I'd love you know, I'd love If I'm going to go into the next If I'm going to go into the next If I'm going to go into the next world World World mm-hmm? mm-hmm? mm-hmm? to at least not think I'm to at least not think I'm to at least not think I'm you're not alone.
You're not you're not alone.
You're not you're not alone.
You're not alone, junior.
You're not alone.
Alone, junior.
You're not alone.
Alone, junior.
You're not alone.
I'm here with you.
I'm here with you.
I'm here with you.
can I have the taste of a can I have the taste of a can I have the taste of a woman on my lips as I go? Woman on my lips as I go? Woman on my lips as I go? uh uh uh I'm a dying man.
I'm a dying man.
I'm a dying man.
you're not gonna die.
you're not gonna die.
you're not gonna die.
Oh, jeez! You're-- you're gonna be ok.
you're gonna be ok.
you're gonna be ok.
I think you're a lesbian.
I think you're a lesbian.
I think you're a lesbian.
I am not a lesbian.
I am not a lesbian.
I am not a lesbian.
that's what I think.
that's what I think.
that's what I think.
that was very enjoyable.
we take you now live to the we take you now live to the we take you now live to the reno sheriff's department where Reno sheriff's department where Reno sheriff's department where a press conference is already in A press conference is already in A press conference is already in progress.
Progress.
Progress.
[imitating a hip-hop beat.]
[imitating a hip-hop beat.]
[imitating a hip-hop beat.]
ââ¢Âª oh, oh, ââ¢Âª oh, oh, ââ¢Âª oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, oh, Oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, oh, Oh, oh, oh, oh ââ¢Âª Oh, oh ââ¢Âª Oh, oh ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª ha ha ha ha ha ha ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª ha ha ha ha ha ha ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª ha ha ha ha ha ha ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª give it to dj trudy, ââ¢Âª give it to dj trudy, ââ¢Âª give it to dj trudy, take it-- ââ¢Âª what happened? Take it-- ââ¢Âª what happened? Take it-- ââ¢Âª what happened? I threw up a little bit.
I threw up a little bit.
I threw up a little bit.
Man: Hey, you're on the air.
Man: Hey, you're on the air.
Man: Hey, you're on the air.
Yo, you're on the air! Yo, you're on the air! Yo, you're on the air! oh.
Ahem.
oh.
Ahem.
oh.
Ahem.
Go.
Go.
Go.
hey.
Hi.
you're my pal.
You're my you're my pal.
You're my you're my pal.
You're my friend.
We got something Friend.
We got something Friend.
We got something special, and nobody, nobody's Special, and nobody, nobody's Special, and nobody, nobody's gonna come between that, huh? Gonna come between that, huh? Gonna come between that, huh? [chuckles.]
jones and logan.
[chuckles.]
jones and logan.
[chuckles.]
jones and logan.
I like how that sounds.
I like how that sounds.
I like how that sounds.
[sighs.]
[sighs.]
[sighs.]
we're gonna have adventures.
We're gonna have adventures.
We're gonna have adventures.
Woman: Hey! Come back here! Woman: Hey! Come back here! Woman: Hey! Come back here! Officer! Do something! Officer! Do something! Officer! Do something! ha ha! Come on! Logan, away! ha ha! Come on! Logan, away! ha ha! Come on! Logan, away! [horse whinnies.]
[horse whinnies.]
[horse whinnies.]
aah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh! [weeps.]
they tell me that, at the they tell me that, at the they tell me that, at the doctors, that I'm not having-- Doctors, that I'm not having-- Doctors, that I'm not having-- that it's probably just one, That it's probably just one, That it's probably just one, that's it's probably just one That's it's probably just one That's it's probably just one baby, but it feels like a Baby, but it feels like a Baby, but it feels like a litter.
Litter.
Litter.
yeah.
I wouldn't be yeah.
I wouldn't be yeah.
I wouldn't be surprised.
Ahem.
Surprised.
Ahem.
Surprised.
Ahem.
I wouldn't be surprised if it I wouldn't be surprised if it I wouldn't be surprised if it was a litter.
I wouldn't be Was a litter.
I wouldn't be Was a litter.
I wouldn't be surprised if it was rosemary's Surprised if it was rosemary's Surprised if it was rosemary's baby.
But mostly-- Baby.
But mostly-- Baby.
But mostly-- would you be surprised if he would you be surprised if he would you be surprised if he looked like you at all? Looked like you at all? Looked like you at all? yeah, a little bit.
if I'm gonna die here on this if I'm gonna die here on this if I'm gonna die here on this cold pavement, I'd feel a lot Cold pavement, I'd feel a lot Cold pavement, I'd feel a lot better if you just let me maybe Better if you just let me maybe Better if you just let me maybe get to third with you.
Get to third with you.
Get to third with you.
no, I am not gonna let you no, I am not gonna let you no, I am not gonna let you get to third with me.
Get to third with me.
Get to third with me.
all right.
I was just asking.
all right.
I was just asking.
all right.
I was just asking.
what--I don't even what--I don't even what--I don't even understand--I don't even know if Understand--I don't even know if Understand--I don't even know if I remember what third is.
I remember what third is.
I remember what third is.
under the bra.
under the bra.
under the bra.
that's what I thought.
that's what I thought.
that's what I thought.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
no.
no.
no.
fine.
fine.
fine.
Can I have another kiss? Can I have another kiss? Can I have another kiss? [sighs.]
[sighs.]
[sighs.]
all right, fine.
All right, fine.
All right, fine.
You're not supposed to give me You're not supposed to give me You're not supposed to give me the tongue! You didn't say The tongue! You didn't say The tongue! You didn't say anything about tongue! Anything about tongue! Anything about tongue! Now, that is not fair! Now, that is not fair! Now, that is not fair! Again, you were taking advantage Again, you were taking advantage Again, you were taking advantage of the situation.
Now, that's Of the situation.
Now, that's Of the situation.
Now, that's just shameful.
Just shameful.
Just shameful.
she's a lesbian.
she's a lesbian.
she's a lesbian.
I am not a lesbian! I am not a lesbian! I am not a lesbian! Now what do I have to do, Now what do I have to do, Now what do I have to do, publicly have sex with a man? Publicly have sex with a man? Publicly have sex with a man? take out "publicly.
" take out "publicly.
" take out "publicly.
" I mean, if you're gonna give me I mean, if you're gonna give me I mean, if you're gonna give me something to live for, we'll go Something to live for, we'll go Something to live for, we'll go to tahoeAnd we'll bone.
To tahoeAnd we'll bone.
To tahoeAnd we'll bone.
We'll rent one of them rooms We'll rent one of them rooms We'll rent one of them rooms and then we'll bone in the hot And then we'll bone in the hot And then we'll bone in the hot tub with the porno on.
Tub with the porno on.
Tub with the porno on.
What do you think, is that a What do you think, is that a What do you think, is that a deal? Deal? Deal? Scratch the porno.
Scratch the porno.
Scratch the porno.
Just the hot tub.
Candles.
Just the hot tub.
Candles.
Just the hot tub.
Candles.
I swear on the good book, if I I swear on the good book, if I I swear on the good book, if I pull through, I will bone Pull through, I will bone Pull through, I will bone kimball.
Kimball.
Kimball.
I swear on the good book that I swear on the good book that I swear on the good book that if you pull through, I will-- If you pull through, I will-- If you pull through, I will-- I will boneTravis junior.
I will boneTravis junior.
I will boneTravis junior.
All right? All right? All right? yeah.
even though the doctor said, even though the doctor said, even though the doctor said, "you're pregnant," and I took "you're pregnant," and I took "you're pregnant," and I took the test and it said I'm The test and it said I'm The test and it said I'm pregnant-- Pregnant-- Pregnant-- yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
and I could feel him and I could feel him and I could feel him kicking-- Kicking-- Kicking-- yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
and, um and, um and, um yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
all the things that go along all the things that go along all the things that go along with being pregnant, even though With being pregnant, even though With being pregnant, even though that--I wasn't 100% positive-- That--I wasn't 100% positive-- That--I wasn't 100% positive-- yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
until I started to have some until I started to have some until I started to have some leakage.
Leakage.
Leakage.
from your utters? from your utters? from your utters? they're not--yeah, they're not--yeah, they're not--yeah, from--right.
From--right.
From--right.
you were leaking from your you were leaking from your you were leaking from your utters.
Utters.
Utters.
that makes it sound gross, that makes it sound gross, that makes it sound gross, but yeah, I'm having some But yeah, I'm having some But yeah, I'm having some colostrum leak from my nipples.
Colostrum leak from my nipples.
Colostrum leak from my nipples.
That's the proper way to say it.
That's the proper way to say it.
That's the proper way to say it.
[coughs.]
[coughs.]
[coughs.]
are you ok? are you ok? are you ok? [spits, coughs.]
[spits, coughs.]
[spits, coughs.]
are you ok, jim? are you ok, jim? are you ok, jim? don't say "colostrum leaked don't say "colostrum leaked don't say "colostrum leaked from my nipples" anymore.
From my nipples" anymore.
From my nipples" anymore.
but they're a lot less crusty but they're a lot less crusty but they're a lot less crusty than I anticipated.
Than I anticipated.
Than I anticipated.
[coughs.]
[coughs.]
[coughs.]
they told me that there would they told me that there would they told me that there would be a Be a Be a [gags, coughs.]
you've been hearing a lot you've been hearing a lot you've been hearing a lot lately about people who, quote, Lately about people who, quote, Lately about people who, quote, "weren't doing anything and got "weren't doing anything and got "weren't doing anything and got shot by law enforcement.
" Shot by law enforcement.
" Shot by law enforcement.
" sure, people get shot by law sure, people get shot by law sure, people get shot by law enforcement officers on Enforcement officers on Enforcement officers on occasion, but not, quote, Occasion, but not, quote, Occasion, but not, quote, "innocent people.
" "innocent people.
" "innocent people.
" you hear, "oh, daryl.
He you hear, "oh, daryl.
He you hear, "oh, daryl.
He wasn't doing anything.
He was Wasn't doing anything.
He was Wasn't doing anything.
He was just hanging around the grocery Just hanging around the grocery Just hanging around the grocery store on pcp and those crazy Store on pcp and those crazy Store on pcp and those crazy cops shot him.
" Cops shot him.
" Cops shot him.
" going to the grocery store on going to the grocery store on going to the grocery store on pcp is exactly the kind of Pcp is exactly the kind of Pcp is exactly the kind of evening that ends with getting Evening that ends with getting Evening that ends with getting shot by law enforcement.
Shot by law enforcement.
Shot by law enforcement.
if you and your friends want if you and your friends want if you and your friends want to not get shot by law To not get shot by law To not get shot by law enforcement, here's something: Enforcement, here's something: Enforcement, here's something: Try really not doing anything.
Try really not doing anything.
Try really not doing anything.
there's a million ways to there's a million ways to there's a million ways to truly be not doing nothing.
Truly be not doing nothing.
Truly be not doing nothing.
and every single one of them and every single one of them and every single one of them can make your day lead-free.
Can make your day lead-free.
Can make your day lead-free.
lead-free.
lead-free.
lead-free.
lead-free.
lead-free.
lead-free.
lead-free.
listen, james, I just-- listen, james, I just-- listen, james, I just-- I wanted to, uhSay I'm sorry.
I wanted to, uhSay I'm sorry.
I wanted to, uhSay I'm sorry.
I've really kind of abandoned I've really kind of abandoned I've really kind of abandoned you in your time of need, and I You in your time of need, and I You in your time of need, and I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
Just wanted to say I'm sorry.
Just wanted to say I'm sorry.
well, for a while there, you well, for a while there, you well, for a while there, you were acting like the end of the Were acting like the end of the Were acting like the end of the horse that threw you.
Horse that threw you.
Horse that threw you.
yeah.
I know that.
yeah.
I know that.
yeah.
I know that.
I understand that, and I've been I understand that, and I've been I understand that, and I've been acting like--like the mayor of Acting like--like the mayor of Acting like--like the mayor of jerktown, and I wanted to make Jerktown, and I wanted to make Jerktown, and I wanted to make amends.
Amends.
Amends.
yeah, whatever.
High-five.
where are you from anyway, where are you from anyway, where are you from anyway, kimball? Kimball? Kimball? well-- well-- well-- couldn't place your accent couldn't place your accent couldn't place your accent when you came in.
When you came in.
When you came in.
well, uhAll around, but well, uhAll around, but well, uhAll around, but my family is from shreveport.
My family is from shreveport.
My family is from shreveport.
louisiana? louisiana? louisiana? mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
yeah, I got family in lake yeah, I got family in lake yeah, I got family in lake charles, my momma's side.
Charles, my momma's side.
Charles, my momma's side.
you do? you do? you do? yeah.
Yeah.
They do the, uh-- yeah.
Yeah.
They do the, uh-- yeah.
Yeah.
They do the, uh-- that pirate festival that they That pirate festival that they That pirate festival that they do every year in lake charles.
Do every year in lake charles.
Do every year in lake charles.
oh, I love the pirate oh, I love the pirate oh, I love the pirate festival! Festival! Festival! captain morgan comes up and captain morgan comes up and captain morgan comes up and gives out free captain morgan.
Gives out free captain morgan.
Gives out free captain morgan.
that's funny, 'cause you that's funny, 'cause you that's funny, 'cause you remind me a little bit of my Remind me a little bit of my Remind me a little bit of my uncle on my mother's side-- Uncle on my mother's side-- Uncle on my mother's side-- oh, that's nice.
oh, that's nice.
oh, that's nice.
and he does a big to-do with and he does a big to-do with and he does a big to-do with the pirate festival.
Every year The pirate festival.
Every year The pirate festival.
Every year he gets all dressed up.
He gets all dressed up.
He gets all dressed up.
Uncle jimmy joe.
Uncle jimmy joe.
Uncle jimmy joe.
jimmy joe blackbeard they jimmy joe blackbeard they jimmy joe blackbeard they call him? Call him? Call him? mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
like at the festival-- like at the festival-- like at the festival-- yeah, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
yeah, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
yeah, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
oh, shit.
oh, shit.
oh, shit.
That's my uncle, too.
That's my uncle, too.
That's my uncle, too.
that's your uncle? that's your uncle? that's your uncle? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
First tail I ever got in an First tail I ever got in an First tail I ever got in an apartment, it's gonna be a Apartment, it's gonna be a Apartment, it's gonna be a fucking cousin.
Fucking cousin.
Fucking cousin.
we--we--we tongue kissed.
we--we--we tongue kissed.
we--we--we tongue kissed.
yeah, but you swore on the yeah, but you swore on the yeah, but you swore on the good book that you were gonna Good book that you were gonna Good book that you were gonna give me a little.
Give me a little.
Give me a little.
but I--I mean, I didn't but I--I mean, I didn't but I--I mean, I didn't know-- Know-- Know-- man, on police radio: You should Man, on police radio: You should Man, on police radio: You should be seeing those emts pulling up Be seeing those emts pulling up Be seeing those emts pulling up right about now.
They should Right about now.
They should Right about now.
They should really be there pretty soon.
Really be there pretty soon.
Really be there pretty soon.
they're on the scene, sir.
they're on the scene, sir.
they're on the scene, sir.
Emts on the scene.
I see them, Emts on the scene.
I see them, Emts on the scene.
I see them, sir.
Sir.
Sir.
hey, how you doing, boys? hey, how you doing, boys? hey, how you doing, boys? Took you long enough.
Took you long enough.
Took you long enough.
Uhh! Ow! Uhh! Ow! Uhh! Ow! hey.
Easy there.
I don't hey.
Easy there.
I don't hey.
Easy there.
I don't think you can--I don't think you Think you can--I don't think you Think you can--I don't think you should Should Should no, I'm good.
I'm ok.
no, I'm good.
I'm ok.
no, I'm good.
I'm ok.
It stings a lot, but I think I'm It stings a lot, but I think I'm It stings a lot, but I think I'm ok.
Ok.
Ok.
you aren't dying at all! you aren't dying at all! you aren't dying at all! I thought you were dying! I thought you were dying! I thought you were dying! well, I mean, I ain't great.
well, I mean, I ain't great.
well, I mean, I ain't great.
You should probably come with me You should probably come with me You should probably come with me to the hospital, 'cause we To the hospital, 'cause we To the hospital, 'cause we probably got the same blood Probably got the same blood Probably got the same blood type.
Come on, cuz.
Haul ass! Type.
Come on, cuz.
Haul ass! Type.
Come on, cuz.
Haul ass! Haul ass! Haul ass! Haul ass! I don't like you calling me I don't like you calling me I don't like you calling me cousin! mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Captioning institute Captioning institute --Www.
Ncicap.
Org.]
--Www.
Ncicap.
Org.]
and we're gonna have a and we're gonna have a and we're gonna have a picnic, and on this picnic, Picnic, and on this picnic, Picnic, and on this picnic, I'm bringing apples.
I'm bringing apples.
I'm bringing apples.
You ever play this game? You ever play this game? You ever play this game? Then you say, "and on this Then you say, "and on this Then you say, "and on this picnic, I'm gonna bring Picnic, I'm gonna bring Picnic, I'm gonna bring bananas.
" then I choose a "c".
Bananas.
" then I choose a "c".
Bananas.
" then I choose a "c".
A, b, c.
You just pick A, b, c.
You just pick A, b, c.
You just pick something-- Something-- Something-- you just memorize the list of you just memorize the list of you just memorize the list of fruit? You just go through it? Fruit? You just go through it? Fruit? You just go through it? no, no, no, you just pick no, no, no, you just pick no, no, no, you just pick something you're gonna bring on Something you're gonna bring on Something you're gonna bring on the picnic.
Apple, bananas, The picnic.
Apple, bananas, The picnic.
Apple, bananas, uhAnd you're gonna bring UhAnd you're gonna bring UhAnd you're gonna bring coffee machine.
coffee machine.
coffee machine.
ok.
All right.
It totally works.
oh, my god.
It totally works.
oh, my god.
It totally works.
You can actually drink a soda You can actually drink a soda You can actually drink a soda off your ass.
Off your ass.
Off your ass.
I told you.
I told you.
I told you.
I wanna get this.
Does your I wanna get this.
Does your I wanna get this.
Does your camera-phone have a flash? Camera-phone have a flash? Camera-phone have a flash? no.
no.
no.
oh.
Let me get the light.
oh.
Let me get the light.
oh.
Let me get the light.
Both: Cheese! Both: Cheese! Both: Cheese! ha ha! umSorry.
umSorry.
umSorry.
we've been in here a while.
we've been in here a while.
we've been in here a while.
sorry to interrupt.
Continue.
sorry to interrupt.
Continue.
sorry to interrupt.
Continue.
so yeah, you better talk so yeah, you better talk so yeah, you better talk hello, special agent.
hello, special agent.
hello, special agent.
Welcome back into the room.
she tricked me! It was a she tricked me! It was a she tricked me! It was a trick! hyah! I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
whoa! whoa! whoa! oh! Oh! [blows whistle.]
[blows whistle.]
[blows whistle.]
ok.
All right.
I got him by ok.
All right.
I got him by ok.
All right.
I got him by the belt.
get back in the building! get back in the building! get back in the building! No loitering! aah! aah! aah! [siren.]
[siren.]
[siren.]
mtv networks.]
it's real quiet in here it's real quiet in here it's real quiet in here without 'em, isn't it? Without 'em, isn't it? Without 'em, isn't it? mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
it's kinda nice.
it's kinda nice.
it's kinda nice.
it smells better, too.
it smells better, too.
it smells better, too.
does garcia not always smell does garcia not always smell does garcia not always smell like bean farts and zest? Like bean farts and zest? Like bean farts and zest? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
zest soap.
zest soap.
zest soap.
well, it's old-mexican-man well, it's old-mexican-man well, it's old-mexican-man smell.
Smell.
Smell.
> oh, it's so bad.
> oh, it's so bad.
> oh, it's so bad.
I say good riddance to him.
I say good riddance to him.
I say good riddance to him.
you know what I don't miss? you know what I don't miss? you know what I don't miss? I don't miss that tall black I don't miss that tall black I don't miss that tall black guy.
Guy.
Guy.
that's where you and I part that's where you and I part that's where you and I part ways.
Do you really-- Ways.
Do you really-- Ways.
Do you really-- well, if I'm honest, a sister well, if I'm honest, a sister well, if I'm honest, a sister does miss a brother.
Does miss a brother.
Does miss a brother.
oh! oh! oh! oh, yes! Ha ha ha! oh, yes! Ha ha ha! oh, yes! Ha ha ha! read 'em and weep, people.
read 'em and weep, people.
read 'em and weep, people.
Qualified mounted police.
Qualified mounted police.
Qualified mounted police.
I have maternity panties, but I have maternity panties, but I have maternity panties, but I didn't come in in those.
I didn't come in in those.
I didn't come in in those.
yeah, you did.
yeah, you did.
yeah, you did.
yeah, you did.
yeah, you did.
yeah, you did.
well, that was yesterday, well, that was yesterday, well, that was yesterday, but today I'm wearing slacks.
But today I'm wearing slacks.
But today I'm wearing slacks.
uh, do you people from the uh, do you people from the uh, do you people from the mounted unit have any other Mounted unit have any other Mounted unit have any other business in here? 'cause Business in here? 'cause Business in here? 'cause otherwise, the regular Otherwise, the regular Otherwise, the regular deputies-- Deputies-- Deputies-- we're all right.
If you need we're all right.
If you need we're all right.
If you need us to ride by where you are-- Us to ride by where you are-- Us to ride by where you are-- oh, I heard they're gonna oh, I heard they're gonna oh, I heard they're gonna give you a pony 'cause you're so Give you a pony 'cause you're so Give you a pony 'cause you're so small.
Small.
Small.
oh, that's a good joke, oh, that's a good joke, oh, that's a good joke, kimball.
That's real funny.
Kimball.
That's real funny.
Kimball.
That's real funny.
real funny.
real funny.
real funny.
yeah, let's-- yeah, let's-- yeah, let's-- you don't have to turn on me.
you don't have to turn on me.
you don't have to turn on me.
I'm not the one prancing in I'm not the one prancing in I'm not the one prancing in here-- Here-- Here-- hey, partner, let's ride.
hey, partner, let's ride.
hey, partner, let's ride.
oh! oh! oh! I didn't think you could get I didn't think you could get I didn't think you could get any gayer.
Any gayer.
Any gayer.
have fun making out on the have fun making out on the have fun making out on the back seat of your horse.
Back seat of your horse.
Back seat of your horse.
oh, I will.
oh, I will.
oh, I will.
Yee-hah! Yee-hah! Yee-hah! you left your helmet, you left your helmet, you left your helmet, faggot! Faggot! Faggot! hey.
Hey.
Hey.
hey.
Hey.
Hey.
hey.
Hey.
Hey.
your horsy hat! your horsy hat! your horsy hat! I'm gonna take it and see if I'm gonna take it and see if I'm gonna take it and see if they'll give me a ride.
They'll give me a ride.
They'll give me a ride.
don't go kissing up to them don't go kissing up to them don't go kissing up to them just 'cause they're in mounted Just 'cause they're in mounted Just 'cause they're in mounted now.
Lock the door.
Now.
Lock the door.
Now.
Lock the door.
she is a kiss-up.
she is a kiss-up.
she is a kiss-up.
she can't fit that butt on she can't fit that butt on she can't fit that butt on a horse.
A horse.
A horse.
first time garcia's been first time garcia's been first time garcia's been mounted in about 20 years.
Mounted in about 20 years.
Mounted in about 20 years.
mounted unit.
You couldn't mounted unit.
You couldn't mounted unit.
You couldn't pay someone to mount his unit Pay someone to mount his unit Pay someone to mount his unit if, uhHang on.
Give me a If, uhHang on.
Give me a If, uhHang on.
Give me a moment.
butch.
butch.
butch.
sundance.
sundance.
sundance.
Whoa.
Look at that.
Whoa.
Look at that.
Whoa.
Look at that.
oh! oh! oh! there you go.
there you go.
there you go.
This is the life, partner.
This is the life, partner.
This is the life, partner.
I ain't going back.
I ain't going back.
I ain't going back.
[chokes, coughs.]
oh, man! [chokes, coughs.]
oh, man! [chokes, coughs.]
oh, man! you good? you good? you good? something in the air! something in the air! something in the air! [coughs.]
[coughs.]
[coughs.]
you sure you're good? you sure you're good? you sure you're good? [gasping for air.]
[gasping for air.]
[gasping for air.]
[coughs.]
[coughs.]
[coughs.]
I'm ok.
I'm fine.
I'm all right.
I'm ok.
I'm fine.
I'm all right.
I'm ok.
I'm fine.
I'm all right.
[police radio chatter, [police radio chatter, [police radio chatter, indistinct.]
Indistinct.]
Indistinct.]
that's a shame.
that's a shame.
that's a shame.
Giddy-up, partner.
Come on.
I mean, I don't want to be I mean, I don't want to be I mean, I don't want to be racist-- Racist-- Racist-- ok.
ok.
ok.
but--and I know that but--and I know that but--and I know that African-americans are very African-americans are very African-americans are very proud, stoic, intelligent Proud, stoic, intelligent Proud, stoic, intelligent people.
People.
People.
right.
right.
right.
but there's a reason why but there's a reason why but there's a reason why black people don't ride horses, Black people don't ride horses, Black people don't ride horses, because they have a jungle scent Because they have a jungle scent Because they have a jungle scent that animals are afraid of.
That animals are afraid of.
That animals are afraid of.
I don't see how anybody could I don't see how anybody could I don't see how anybody could take that asRacist.
Take that asRacist.
Take that asRacist.
that's what I told jones, but that's what I told jones, but that's what I told jones, but he--now he hasn't talked to me He--now he hasn't talked to me He--now he hasn't talked to me for 4 days, and he looked at me For 4 days, and he looked at me For 4 days, and he looked at me like he was gonna punch me in Like he was gonna punch me in Like he was gonna punch me in the chest.
[shouting.]
sheriff's de-- [shouting.]
sheriff's de-- [shouting.]
sheriff's de-- shh! shh! shh! [whispering.]
sheriff's [whispering.]
sheriff's [whispering.]
sheriff's department.
Department.
Department.
hey, I saw my p.
O.
On hey, I saw my p.
O.
On hey, I saw my p.
O.
On Tuesday.
Tuesday.
Tuesday.
oh, yeah.
No, this ain't oh, yeah.
No, this ain't oh, yeah.
No, this ain't about that.
About that.
About that.
oh, ok.
Good.
oh, ok.
Good.
oh, ok.
Good.
uh, they called and said we uh, they called and said we uh, they called and said we were coming.
We're from the Were coming.
We're from the Were coming.
We're from the sheriff's department.
We got Sheriff's department.
We got Sheriff's department.
We got a court order that one of your A court order that one of your A court order that one of your paintings is offensive, and Paintings is offensive, and Paintings is offensive, and we're supposed to take it down.
We're supposed to take it down.
We're supposed to take it down.
They said the offensive one was They said the offensive one was They said the offensive one was pretty obvious, so we'll just, Pretty obvious, so we'll just, Pretty obvious, so we'll just, uh Uh Uh help yourself.
help yourself.
help yourself.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
do you have, like, an do you have, like, an do you have, like, an offensive section, or like the Offensive section, or like the Offensive section, or like the porn section in a video store? Porn section in a video store? Porn section in a video store? it's an art galley, so it's it's an art galley, so it's it's an art galley, so it's all pretty offensive.
All pretty offensive.
All pretty offensive.
it's all pretty offensive it's all pretty offensive it's all pretty offensive to me.
To me.
To me.
that looks like he's got, that looks like he's got, that looks like he's got, like, a big red dog cock.
Like, a big red dog cock.
bingo.
bingo.
bingo.
chocolate tits.
chocolate tits.
chocolate tits.
get a load of this.
get a load of this.
get a load of this.
[whispering.]
it seems-- [whispering.]
it seems-- [whispering.]
it seems-- it seems unpatriotic.
It seems unpatriotic.
It seems unpatriotic.
robot balls.
To me, that robot balls.
To me, that robot balls.
To me, that looks just like robot balls.
Looks just like robot balls.
Looks just like robot balls.
robot balls? robot balls? robot balls? robot balls.
Little chocolate robot balls.
Little chocolate robot balls.
Little chocolate robot balls.
Robot balls.
Robot balls.
is it painted with poop? is it painted with poop? is it painted with poop? I'm gonna smell it.
[whispering.]
maybe you gotta [whispering.]
maybe you gotta [whispering.]
maybe you gotta scratch it.
Scratch it.
Scratch it.
you ain't supposed to touch you ain't supposed to touch you ain't supposed to touch nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
[scratching on painting.]
[scratching on painting.]
[scratching on painting.]
don't do that! Don't do that! Don't do that! a little piece came off.
a little piece came off.
a little piece came off.
A little piece came off.
A little piece came off.
A little piece came off.
A piece came off.
Walk away.
A piece came off.
Walk away.
A piece came off.
Walk away.
sir, which one of these sir, which one of these sir, which one of these offends you the most do you Offends you the most do you Offends you the most do you think?? Think?? Think?? well, I am tired of looking well, I am tired of looking well, I am tired of looking at that giant cock.
At that giant cock.
At that giant cock.
I don't see it.
I don't see it.
I don't see it.
I don't either.
I don't either.
I don't either.
[whispering.]
I don't see it [whispering.]
I don't see it [whispering.]
I don't see it either.
Either.
Either.
what are we supposed to do what are we supposed to do what are we supposed to do with these? With these? With these? I don't know, but could you I don't know, but could you I don't know, but could you help me put his over my couch? 911 call here at the old 911 call here at the old 911 call here at the old brothel.
Brothel.
Brothel.
Sheriff's department! Sheriff's department! Sheriff's department! Somebody call? Are you all Somebody call? Are you all Somebody call? Are you all right? Are you ok? Who called Right? Are you ok? Who called Right? Are you ok? Who called Girl: He did.
Girl: He did.
Girl: He did.
he's bleeding.
He's bleeding.
he's bleeding.
He's bleeding.
he's bleeding.
He's bleeding.
she hit me! [weeps.]
she hit me! [weeps.]
she hit me! [weeps.]
she hit you? she hit you? she hit you? ma'am, I'm sorry.
You're ma'am, I'm sorry.
You're ma'am, I'm sorry.
You're under arrest.
Under arrest.
Under arrest.
I hate to do this, but, um-- I hate to do this, but, um-- I hate to do this, but, um-- I paid for that.
I paid for that.
I paid for that.
you paid for that? you paid for that? you paid for that? you paid for her to hit you? you paid for her to hit you? you paid for her to hit you? she kicked me! she kicked me! she kicked me! oh, she kicked you! oh, she kicked you! oh, she kicked you! she kicked you? she kicked you? she kicked you? [weeping.]
oh, my god! [weeping.]
oh, my god! [weeping.]
oh, my god! ma'am, you are not allowed ma'am, you are not allowed ma'am, you are not allowed to kick or beat the-- To kick or beat the-- To kick or beat the-- she's gotta call the police-- she's gotta call the police-- she's gotta call the police-- shh.
I paid for it.
I paid shh.
I paid for it.
I paid shh.
I paid for it.
I paid for that.
For that.
For that.
you paid for that, too? you paid for that, too? you paid for that, too? all right.
So, you called the all right.
So, you called the all right.
So, you called the police-- Police-- Police-- I can't drive.
I'm too-- I can't drive.
I'm too-- I can't drive.
I'm too-- I'm too drunk.
I can't drive.
I'm too drunk.
I can't drive.
I'm too drunk.
I can't drive.
You guys gotta give me a ride You guys gotta give me a ride You guys gotta give me a ride home.
Home.
Home.
that's why you called 911? that's why you called 911? that's why you called 911? I need a ride home.
I need a ride home.
I need a ride home.
is it all right if we leave is it all right if we leave is it all right if we leave him cuffed to this chair? Him cuffed to this chair? Him cuffed to this chair? no! Take him away.
no! Take him away.
no! Take him away.
senator, we can't keep coming senator, we can't keep coming senator, we can't keep coming out here and doing this.
Out here and doing this.
Out here and doing this.
senator, I voted for you.
ok--no, no, no.
ok--no, no, no.
ok--no, no, no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
careful.
careful.
careful.
careful, patrick, careful.
careful, patrick, careful.
careful, patrick, careful.
this is deputy bates.
this is deputy bates.
this is deputy bates.
deputy bates.
deputy bates.
deputy bates.
patrick.
He was a wonderful patrick.
He was a wonderful patrick.
He was a wonderful member of our force a few years Member of our force a few years Member of our force a few years back.
Back.
Back.
wonderful.
One of our great wonderful.
One of our great wonderful.
One of our great new recruits a couple years New recruits a couple years New recruits a couple years back.
Back.
Back.
yeah, he had a lot of promise yeah, he had a lot of promise yeah, he had a lot of promise and--unfortunately, his very And--unfortunately, his very And--unfortunately, his very first day on the job, uh, he had First day on the job, uh, he had First day on the job, uh, he had a little accident.
A little accident.
A little accident.
friendly fire.
friendly fire.
friendly fire.
yeah.
Jim shot him in the yeah.
Jim shot him in the yeah.
Jim shot him in the head, and now Head, and now Head, and now he's back! Happy day! he's back! Happy day! he's back! Happy day! Uh, yeah.
For legal reasons, we Uh, yeah.
For legal reasons, we Uh, yeah.
For legal reasons, we either had to take him back or Either had to take him back or Either had to take him back or settle a rather large Settle a rather large Settle a rather large settlement.
Settlement.
Settlement.
we're happy to have him! we're happy to have him! we're happy to have him! yay! Patrick's back! yay! Patrick's back! yay! Patrick's back! yay! yay! yay! Ok.
Don't get all-- Ok.
Don't get all-- Ok.
Don't get all-- patrick! Patrick! Patrick! No, no, no! We have a special No, no, no! We have a special No, no, no! We have a special phone.
A special phone for Phone.
A special phone for Phone.
A special phone for patrick.
Patrick.
Patrick.
emergency phone.
emergency phone.
emergency phone.
911! 911! 911! deputy bates.
Do you deputy bates.
Do you deputy bates.
Do you remember? Remember? Remember? remember? remember? remember? Both: Yay! Both: Yay! Both: Yay! "hello?" "hello?" "hello?" "hello.
" "hello.
" "hello.
" "hello.
" "hello.
" "hello.
" no, no! Do not eat her baby! no, no! Do not eat her baby! no, no! Do not eat her baby! Do not eat her baby! Do not eat her baby! Do not eat her baby! look who's back.
look who's back.
look who's back.
who's the most special guy in who's the most special guy in who's the most special guy in town? Town? Town? it's patrick.
it's patrick.
it's patrick.
My hand.
No.
Ow! My hand.
No.
Ow! My hand.
No.
Ow! patrick! patrick! patrick! your badge is very shiny, your badge is very shiny, your badge is very shiny, and it looks just like mine.
And it looks just like mine.
And it looks just like mine.
Isn't that neat? Isn't that neat? Isn't that neat? look at that.
look at that.
look at that.
oh.
UhI don't oh.
UhI don't oh.
UhI don't just--just let him do it.
just--just let him do it.
just--just let him do it.
Just let him do it.
Just let him do it.
Just let him do it.
We've all been there.
the doctor said I had come the doctor said I had come the doctor said I had come down with a rare case of what he Down with a rare case of what he Down with a rare case of what he called, uh, equian, uh, Called, uh, equian, uh, Called, uh, equian, uh, olfactosus, which is basically Olfactosus, which is basically Olfactosus, which is basically my nasal passages and the horse My nasal passages and the horse My nasal passages and the horse hide don't get along.
Hide don't get along.
Hide don't get along.
Unfortunately, it's gonna be Unfortunately, it's gonna be Unfortunately, it's gonna be back in the old black and white Back in the old black and white Back in the old black and white with jonsey and I.
I know he's With jonsey and I.
I know he's With jonsey and I.
I know he's gonna be sad to leave, but, uh, Gonna be sad to leave, but, uh, Gonna be sad to leave, but, uh, you know, partners are partners, You know, partners are partners, You know, partners are partners, and, uh, and law is thicker than And, uh, and law is thicker than And, uh, and law is thicker than water, as they say.
Water, as they say.
Water, as they say.
ladies.
Yep.
Ha ha! Hey.
ladies.
Yep.
Ha ha! Hey.
ladies.
Yep.
Ha ha! Hey.
can we get a picture of your can we get a picture of your can we get a picture of your horse? Horse? Horse? oh.
Hey.
Of course.
oh.
Hey.
Of course.
oh.
Hey.
Of course.
Couple stallions right here, Couple stallions right here, Couple stallions right here, huh? All right.
Huh? All right.
Huh? All right.
thank you.
thank you.
thank you.
no problem.
You are real no problem.
You are real no problem.
You are real cute.
Cute.
Cute.
thank you.
thank you.
thank you.
you go to the university, you go to the university, you go to the university, or Or Or nope.
nope.
nope.
nope? What are y'all--what is nope? What are y'all--what is nope? What are y'all--what is everybody doing later? Everybody doing later? Everybody doing later? hey, how are you doing there? hey, how are you doing there? hey, how are you doing there? hey.
How you doing, man? hey.
How you doing, man? hey.
How you doing, man? I'm all right.
Hey, ladies.
I'm all right.
Hey, ladies.
I'm all right.
Hey, ladies.
I'll get back with y'all, I'll get back with y'all, I'll get back with y'all, ladies.
All right.
What's up? Ladies.
All right.
What's up? Ladies.
All right.
What's up? well, the doctor says I can't well, the doctor says I can't well, the doctor says I can't get within 15 feet of the horse Get within 15 feet of the horse Get within 15 feet of the horse there.
There.
There.
can you hold on for a second? can you hold on for a second? can you hold on for a second? [whispering, indistinct.]
[whispering, indistinct.]
[whispering, indistinct.]
oh, hey there, jones.
oh, hey there, jones.
oh, hey there, jones.
Remember me? Garcia? Your Remember me? Garcia? Your Remember me? Garcia? Your partner? Hello? Partner? Hello? Partner? Hello? hmm? hmm? hmm? I mean, uh, we are still I mean, uh, we are still I mean, uh, we are still gonna be partners.
I mean, uh Gonna be partners.
I mean, uh Gonna be partners.
I mean, uh I mean, I know I can't ride a I mean, I know I can't ride a I mean, I know I can't ride a horse.
So I'm reckoning you're Horse.
So I'm reckoning you're Horse.
So I'm reckoning you're gonna come back in the crown vic Gonna come back in the crown vic Gonna come back in the crown vic with me.
I mean, uh, we do have With me.
I mean, uh, we do have With me.
I mean, uh, we do have well, 'cause you're-- well, 'cause you're-- well, 'cause you're-- I mean, because you're, you I mean, because you're, you I mean, because you're, you know-- Know-- Know-- well, yeah-- well, yeah-- well, yeah-- because you're incapacitated because you're incapacitated because you're incapacitated doesn't mean that I, you know, Doesn't mean that I, you know, Doesn't mean that I, you know, gotta go back to--I'm here, man.
Gotta go back to--I'm here, man.
Gotta go back to--I'm here, man.
well, you are here, and you well, you are here, and you well, you are here, and you are my partner, and I guess if Are my partner, and I guess if Are my partner, and I guess if you want to leave me hanging out You want to leave me hanging out You want to leave me hanging out to dry, that's fine.
To dry, that's fine.
To dry, that's fine.
If you don't need me, then I If you don't need me, then I If you don't need me, then I don't need you, either, ok? Don't need you, either, ok? Don't need you, either, ok? I'll talk to you later.
I'll talk to you later.
I'll talk to you later.
hey, old boy.
Garcia.
I do hey, old boy.
Garcia.
I do hey, old boy.
Garcia.
I do need you.
Hold on.
Come on back.
Need you.
Hold on.
Come on back.
Need you.
Hold on.
Come on back.
yeah? yeah? yeah? say "white girls love say "white girls love say "white girls love horses.
" holy shit! holy shit! holy shit! Reno, we got an officer down.
Reno, we got an officer down.
Reno, we got an officer down.
I need medical attention I need medical attention I need medical attention immediately.
Junior! Junior! Immediately.
Junior! Junior! Immediately.
Junior! Junior! kimball? kimball? kimball? oh, my god! Oh, my god! oh, my god! Oh, my god! oh, my god! Oh, my god! I've been wearing this vest I've been wearing this vest I've been wearing this vest for 7 years.
The bullet went For 7 years.
The bullet went For 7 years.
The bullet went right through it like butter.
Right through it like butter.
Right through it like butter.
you're gonna be just fine.
you're gonna be just fine.
you're gonna be just fine.
So, uh, looking forward to those So, uh, looking forward to those So, uh, looking forward to those emts asap, sir.
Emts asap, sir.
Emts asap, sir.
I'm real cold.
I'm real cold.
I'm real cold.
oh! oh! oh! things are getting things are getting things are getting ok.
ok.
ok.
no, I'm ok.
no, I'm ok.
no, I'm ok.
I'm just gonna rock you like I'm just gonna rock you like I'm just gonna rock you like this.
Do you like that? Does This.
Do you like that? Does This.
Do you like that? Does that make you feel good? That make you feel good? That make you feel good? that feels good.
that feels good.
that feels good.
I think you should just keep I think you should just keep I think you should just keep talking.
Talking.
Talking.
yeah? yeah? yeah? I don't know you at all.
I don't know you at all.
I don't know you at all.
you know, you're just a nice you know, you're just a nice you know, you're just a nice person, and to me, it's almost Person, and to me, it's almost Person, and to me, it's almost a shame that you're A shame that you're A shame that you're You know.
You know.
You know.
what? what? what? seems like you could be a seems like you could be a seems like you could be a pretty decent piece of ass if Pretty decent piece of ass if Pretty decent piece of ass if you weren't a lesbian.
That's You weren't a lesbian.
That's You weren't a lesbian.
That's all I'm saying.
Not that I'm-- All I'm saying.
Not that I'm-- All I'm saying.
Not that I'm-- a, thank you.
A, thank you.
a, thank you.
A, thank you.
a, thank you.
A, thank you.
And b, I am not a lesbian.
And b, I am not a lesbian.
And b, I am not a lesbian.
Just because I have had Just because I have had Just because I have had thoughts, perhaps dreams, Thoughts, perhaps dreams, Thoughts, perhaps dreams, does not mean that I have Does not mean that I have Does not mean that I have participated in a sexual manner Participated in a sexual manner Participated in a sexual manner with another woman.
With another woman.
With another woman.
hmm.
Well, I guess you ain't hmm.
Well, I guess you ain't hmm.
Well, I guess you ain't a race car driver unless you get A race car driver unless you get A race car driver unless you get behind the wheel.
Behind the wheel.
Behind the wheel.
that's a good way to look at that's a good way to look at that's a good way to look at it.
It.
It.
you know, I'd love you know, I'd love you know, I'd love If I'm going to go into the next If I'm going to go into the next If I'm going to go into the next world World World mm-hmm? mm-hmm? mm-hmm? to at least not think I'm to at least not think I'm to at least not think I'm you're not alone.
You're not you're not alone.
You're not you're not alone.
You're not alone, junior.
You're not alone.
Alone, junior.
You're not alone.
Alone, junior.
You're not alone.
I'm here with you.
I'm here with you.
I'm here with you.
can I have the taste of a can I have the taste of a can I have the taste of a woman on my lips as I go? Woman on my lips as I go? Woman on my lips as I go? uh uh uh I'm a dying man.
I'm a dying man.
I'm a dying man.
you're not gonna die.
you're not gonna die.
you're not gonna die.
Oh, jeez! You're-- you're gonna be ok.
you're gonna be ok.
you're gonna be ok.
I think you're a lesbian.
I think you're a lesbian.
I think you're a lesbian.
I am not a lesbian.
I am not a lesbian.
I am not a lesbian.
that's what I think.
that's what I think.
that's what I think.
that was very enjoyable.
we take you now live to the we take you now live to the we take you now live to the reno sheriff's department where Reno sheriff's department where Reno sheriff's department where a press conference is already in A press conference is already in A press conference is already in progress.
Progress.
Progress.
[imitating a hip-hop beat.]
[imitating a hip-hop beat.]
[imitating a hip-hop beat.]
ââ¢Âª oh, oh, ââ¢Âª oh, oh, ââ¢Âª oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, oh, Oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, oh, Oh, oh, oh, oh ââ¢Âª Oh, oh ââ¢Âª Oh, oh ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª ha ha ha ha ha ha ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª ha ha ha ha ha ha ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª ha ha ha ha ha ha ââ¢Âª ââ¢Âª give it to dj trudy, ââ¢Âª give it to dj trudy, ââ¢Âª give it to dj trudy, take it-- ââ¢Âª what happened? Take it-- ââ¢Âª what happened? Take it-- ââ¢Âª what happened? I threw up a little bit.
I threw up a little bit.
I threw up a little bit.
Man: Hey, you're on the air.
Man: Hey, you're on the air.
Man: Hey, you're on the air.
Yo, you're on the air! Yo, you're on the air! Yo, you're on the air! oh.
Ahem.
oh.
Ahem.
oh.
Ahem.
Go.
Go.
Go.
hey.
Hi.
you're my pal.
You're my you're my pal.
You're my you're my pal.
You're my friend.
We got something Friend.
We got something Friend.
We got something special, and nobody, nobody's Special, and nobody, nobody's Special, and nobody, nobody's gonna come between that, huh? Gonna come between that, huh? Gonna come between that, huh? [chuckles.]
jones and logan.
[chuckles.]
jones and logan.
[chuckles.]
jones and logan.
I like how that sounds.
I like how that sounds.
I like how that sounds.
[sighs.]
[sighs.]
[sighs.]
we're gonna have adventures.
We're gonna have adventures.
We're gonna have adventures.
Woman: Hey! Come back here! Woman: Hey! Come back here! Woman: Hey! Come back here! Officer! Do something! Officer! Do something! Officer! Do something! ha ha! Come on! Logan, away! ha ha! Come on! Logan, away! ha ha! Come on! Logan, away! [horse whinnies.]
[horse whinnies.]
[horse whinnies.]
aah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh! [weeps.]
they tell me that, at the they tell me that, at the they tell me that, at the doctors, that I'm not having-- Doctors, that I'm not having-- Doctors, that I'm not having-- that it's probably just one, That it's probably just one, That it's probably just one, that's it's probably just one That's it's probably just one That's it's probably just one baby, but it feels like a Baby, but it feels like a Baby, but it feels like a litter.
Litter.
Litter.
yeah.
I wouldn't be yeah.
I wouldn't be yeah.
I wouldn't be surprised.
Ahem.
Surprised.
Ahem.
Surprised.
Ahem.
I wouldn't be surprised if it I wouldn't be surprised if it I wouldn't be surprised if it was a litter.
I wouldn't be Was a litter.
I wouldn't be Was a litter.
I wouldn't be surprised if it was rosemary's Surprised if it was rosemary's Surprised if it was rosemary's baby.
But mostly-- Baby.
But mostly-- Baby.
But mostly-- would you be surprised if he would you be surprised if he would you be surprised if he looked like you at all? Looked like you at all? Looked like you at all? yeah, a little bit.
if I'm gonna die here on this if I'm gonna die here on this if I'm gonna die here on this cold pavement, I'd feel a lot Cold pavement, I'd feel a lot Cold pavement, I'd feel a lot better if you just let me maybe Better if you just let me maybe Better if you just let me maybe get to third with you.
Get to third with you.
Get to third with you.
no, I am not gonna let you no, I am not gonna let you no, I am not gonna let you get to third with me.
Get to third with me.
Get to third with me.
all right.
I was just asking.
all right.
I was just asking.
all right.
I was just asking.
what--I don't even what--I don't even what--I don't even understand--I don't even know if Understand--I don't even know if Understand--I don't even know if I remember what third is.
I remember what third is.
I remember what third is.
under the bra.
under the bra.
under the bra.
that's what I thought.
that's what I thought.
that's what I thought.
yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
no.
no.
no.
fine.
fine.
fine.
Can I have another kiss? Can I have another kiss? Can I have another kiss? [sighs.]
[sighs.]
[sighs.]
all right, fine.
All right, fine.
All right, fine.
You're not supposed to give me You're not supposed to give me You're not supposed to give me the tongue! You didn't say The tongue! You didn't say The tongue! You didn't say anything about tongue! Anything about tongue! Anything about tongue! Now, that is not fair! Now, that is not fair! Now, that is not fair! Again, you were taking advantage Again, you were taking advantage Again, you were taking advantage of the situation.
Now, that's Of the situation.
Now, that's Of the situation.
Now, that's just shameful.
Just shameful.
Just shameful.
she's a lesbian.
she's a lesbian.
she's a lesbian.
I am not a lesbian! I am not a lesbian! I am not a lesbian! Now what do I have to do, Now what do I have to do, Now what do I have to do, publicly have sex with a man? Publicly have sex with a man? Publicly have sex with a man? take out "publicly.
" take out "publicly.
" take out "publicly.
" I mean, if you're gonna give me I mean, if you're gonna give me I mean, if you're gonna give me something to live for, we'll go Something to live for, we'll go Something to live for, we'll go to tahoeAnd we'll bone.
To tahoeAnd we'll bone.
To tahoeAnd we'll bone.
We'll rent one of them rooms We'll rent one of them rooms We'll rent one of them rooms and then we'll bone in the hot And then we'll bone in the hot And then we'll bone in the hot tub with the porno on.
Tub with the porno on.
Tub with the porno on.
What do you think, is that a What do you think, is that a What do you think, is that a deal? Deal? Deal? Scratch the porno.
Scratch the porno.
Scratch the porno.
Just the hot tub.
Candles.
Just the hot tub.
Candles.
Just the hot tub.
Candles.
I swear on the good book, if I I swear on the good book, if I I swear on the good book, if I pull through, I will bone Pull through, I will bone Pull through, I will bone kimball.
Kimball.
Kimball.
I swear on the good book that I swear on the good book that I swear on the good book that if you pull through, I will-- If you pull through, I will-- If you pull through, I will-- I will boneTravis junior.
I will boneTravis junior.
I will boneTravis junior.
All right? All right? All right? yeah.
even though the doctor said, even though the doctor said, even though the doctor said, "you're pregnant," and I took "you're pregnant," and I took "you're pregnant," and I took the test and it said I'm The test and it said I'm The test and it said I'm pregnant-- Pregnant-- Pregnant-- yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
and I could feel him and I could feel him and I could feel him kicking-- Kicking-- Kicking-- yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
and, um and, um and, um yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
all the things that go along all the things that go along all the things that go along with being pregnant, even though With being pregnant, even though With being pregnant, even though that--I wasn't 100% positive-- That--I wasn't 100% positive-- That--I wasn't 100% positive-- yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
until I started to have some until I started to have some until I started to have some leakage.
Leakage.
Leakage.
from your utters? from your utters? from your utters? they're not--yeah, they're not--yeah, they're not--yeah, from--right.
From--right.
From--right.
you were leaking from your you were leaking from your you were leaking from your utters.
Utters.
Utters.
that makes it sound gross, that makes it sound gross, that makes it sound gross, but yeah, I'm having some But yeah, I'm having some But yeah, I'm having some colostrum leak from my nipples.
Colostrum leak from my nipples.
Colostrum leak from my nipples.
That's the proper way to say it.
That's the proper way to say it.
That's the proper way to say it.
[coughs.]
[coughs.]
[coughs.]
are you ok? are you ok? are you ok? [spits, coughs.]
[spits, coughs.]
[spits, coughs.]
are you ok, jim? are you ok, jim? are you ok, jim? don't say "colostrum leaked don't say "colostrum leaked don't say "colostrum leaked from my nipples" anymore.
From my nipples" anymore.
From my nipples" anymore.
but they're a lot less crusty but they're a lot less crusty but they're a lot less crusty than I anticipated.
Than I anticipated.
Than I anticipated.
[coughs.]
[coughs.]
[coughs.]
they told me that there would they told me that there would they told me that there would be a Be a Be a [gags, coughs.]
you've been hearing a lot you've been hearing a lot you've been hearing a lot lately about people who, quote, Lately about people who, quote, Lately about people who, quote, "weren't doing anything and got "weren't doing anything and got "weren't doing anything and got shot by law enforcement.
" Shot by law enforcement.
" Shot by law enforcement.
" sure, people get shot by law sure, people get shot by law sure, people get shot by law enforcement officers on Enforcement officers on Enforcement officers on occasion, but not, quote, Occasion, but not, quote, Occasion, but not, quote, "innocent people.
" "innocent people.
" "innocent people.
" you hear, "oh, daryl.
He you hear, "oh, daryl.
He you hear, "oh, daryl.
He wasn't doing anything.
He was Wasn't doing anything.
He was Wasn't doing anything.
He was just hanging around the grocery Just hanging around the grocery Just hanging around the grocery store on pcp and those crazy Store on pcp and those crazy Store on pcp and those crazy cops shot him.
" Cops shot him.
" Cops shot him.
" going to the grocery store on going to the grocery store on going to the grocery store on pcp is exactly the kind of Pcp is exactly the kind of Pcp is exactly the kind of evening that ends with getting Evening that ends with getting Evening that ends with getting shot by law enforcement.
Shot by law enforcement.
Shot by law enforcement.
if you and your friends want if you and your friends want if you and your friends want to not get shot by law To not get shot by law To not get shot by law enforcement, here's something: Enforcement, here's something: Enforcement, here's something: Try really not doing anything.
Try really not doing anything.
Try really not doing anything.
there's a million ways to there's a million ways to there's a million ways to truly be not doing nothing.
Truly be not doing nothing.
Truly be not doing nothing.
and every single one of them and every single one of them and every single one of them can make your day lead-free.
Can make your day lead-free.
Can make your day lead-free.
lead-free.
lead-free.
lead-free.
lead-free.
lead-free.
lead-free.
lead-free.
listen, james, I just-- listen, james, I just-- listen, james, I just-- I wanted to, uhSay I'm sorry.
I wanted to, uhSay I'm sorry.
I wanted to, uhSay I'm sorry.
I've really kind of abandoned I've really kind of abandoned I've really kind of abandoned you in your time of need, and I You in your time of need, and I You in your time of need, and I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
Just wanted to say I'm sorry.
Just wanted to say I'm sorry.
well, for a while there, you well, for a while there, you well, for a while there, you were acting like the end of the Were acting like the end of the Were acting like the end of the horse that threw you.
Horse that threw you.
Horse that threw you.
yeah.
I know that.
yeah.
I know that.
yeah.
I know that.
I understand that, and I've been I understand that, and I've been I understand that, and I've been acting like--like the mayor of Acting like--like the mayor of Acting like--like the mayor of jerktown, and I wanted to make Jerktown, and I wanted to make Jerktown, and I wanted to make amends.
Amends.
Amends.
yeah, whatever.
High-five.
where are you from anyway, where are you from anyway, where are you from anyway, kimball? Kimball? Kimball? well-- well-- well-- couldn't place your accent couldn't place your accent couldn't place your accent when you came in.
When you came in.
When you came in.
well, uhAll around, but well, uhAll around, but well, uhAll around, but my family is from shreveport.
My family is from shreveport.
My family is from shreveport.
louisiana? louisiana? louisiana? mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
yeah, I got family in lake yeah, I got family in lake yeah, I got family in lake charles, my momma's side.
Charles, my momma's side.
Charles, my momma's side.
you do? you do? you do? yeah.
Yeah.
They do the, uh-- yeah.
Yeah.
They do the, uh-- yeah.
Yeah.
They do the, uh-- that pirate festival that they That pirate festival that they That pirate festival that they do every year in lake charles.
Do every year in lake charles.
Do every year in lake charles.
oh, I love the pirate oh, I love the pirate oh, I love the pirate festival! Festival! Festival! captain morgan comes up and captain morgan comes up and captain morgan comes up and gives out free captain morgan.
Gives out free captain morgan.
Gives out free captain morgan.
that's funny, 'cause you that's funny, 'cause you that's funny, 'cause you remind me a little bit of my Remind me a little bit of my Remind me a little bit of my uncle on my mother's side-- Uncle on my mother's side-- Uncle on my mother's side-- oh, that's nice.
oh, that's nice.
oh, that's nice.
and he does a big to-do with and he does a big to-do with and he does a big to-do with the pirate festival.
Every year The pirate festival.
Every year The pirate festival.
Every year he gets all dressed up.
He gets all dressed up.
He gets all dressed up.
Uncle jimmy joe.
Uncle jimmy joe.
Uncle jimmy joe.
jimmy joe blackbeard they jimmy joe blackbeard they jimmy joe blackbeard they call him? Call him? Call him? mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
like at the festival-- like at the festival-- like at the festival-- yeah, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
yeah, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
yeah, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
oh, shit.
oh, shit.
oh, shit.
That's my uncle, too.
That's my uncle, too.
That's my uncle, too.
that's your uncle? that's your uncle? that's your uncle? yeah.
yeah.
yeah.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
First tail I ever got in an First tail I ever got in an First tail I ever got in an apartment, it's gonna be a Apartment, it's gonna be a Apartment, it's gonna be a fucking cousin.
Fucking cousin.
Fucking cousin.
we--we--we tongue kissed.
we--we--we tongue kissed.
we--we--we tongue kissed.
yeah, but you swore on the yeah, but you swore on the yeah, but you swore on the good book that you were gonna Good book that you were gonna Good book that you were gonna give me a little.
Give me a little.
Give me a little.
but I--I mean, I didn't but I--I mean, I didn't but I--I mean, I didn't know-- Know-- Know-- man, on police radio: You should Man, on police radio: You should Man, on police radio: You should be seeing those emts pulling up Be seeing those emts pulling up Be seeing those emts pulling up right about now.
They should Right about now.
They should Right about now.
They should really be there pretty soon.
Really be there pretty soon.
Really be there pretty soon.
they're on the scene, sir.
they're on the scene, sir.
they're on the scene, sir.
Emts on the scene.
I see them, Emts on the scene.
I see them, Emts on the scene.
I see them, sir.
Sir.
Sir.
hey, how you doing, boys? hey, how you doing, boys? hey, how you doing, boys? Took you long enough.
Took you long enough.
Took you long enough.
Uhh! Ow! Uhh! Ow! Uhh! Ow! hey.
Easy there.
I don't hey.
Easy there.
I don't hey.
Easy there.
I don't think you can--I don't think you Think you can--I don't think you Think you can--I don't think you should Should Should no, I'm good.
I'm ok.
no, I'm good.
I'm ok.
no, I'm good.
I'm ok.
It stings a lot, but I think I'm It stings a lot, but I think I'm It stings a lot, but I think I'm ok.
Ok.
Ok.
you aren't dying at all! you aren't dying at all! you aren't dying at all! I thought you were dying! I thought you were dying! I thought you were dying! well, I mean, I ain't great.
well, I mean, I ain't great.
well, I mean, I ain't great.
You should probably come with me You should probably come with me You should probably come with me to the hospital, 'cause we To the hospital, 'cause we To the hospital, 'cause we probably got the same blood Probably got the same blood Probably got the same blood type.
Come on, cuz.
Haul ass! Type.
Come on, cuz.
Haul ass! Type.
Come on, cuz.
Haul ass! Haul ass! Haul ass! Haul ass! I don't like you calling me I don't like you calling me I don't like you calling me cousin! mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Mtv networks.]
Captioning institute Captioning institute --Www.
Ncicap.
Org.]
--Www.
Ncicap.
Org.]
and we're gonna have a and we're gonna have a and we're gonna have a picnic, and on this picnic, Picnic, and on this picnic, Picnic, and on this picnic, I'm bringing apples.
I'm bringing apples.
I'm bringing apples.
You ever play this game? You ever play this game? You ever play this game? Then you say, "and on this Then you say, "and on this Then you say, "and on this picnic, I'm gonna bring Picnic, I'm gonna bring Picnic, I'm gonna bring bananas.
" then I choose a "c".
Bananas.
" then I choose a "c".
Bananas.
" then I choose a "c".
A, b, c.
You just pick A, b, c.
You just pick A, b, c.
You just pick something-- Something-- Something-- you just memorize the list of you just memorize the list of you just memorize the list of fruit? You just go through it? Fruit? You just go through it? Fruit? You just go through it? no, no, no, you just pick no, no, no, you just pick no, no, no, you just pick something you're gonna bring on Something you're gonna bring on Something you're gonna bring on the picnic.
Apple, bananas, The picnic.
Apple, bananas, The picnic.
Apple, bananas, uhAnd you're gonna bring UhAnd you're gonna bring UhAnd you're gonna bring coffee machine.
coffee machine.
coffee machine.
ok.
All right.