Robot Chicken s02e19 Episode Script
Donkey Punch
It's alive! ¤ And I love you ¤ Hey, Mr.
T! I'm Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters.
I am honored you wanted to check out our rehearsals.
Quit your jibber-jabber! It's time to fight some fools! - What are you talking about? - What's your name? The Fool Fighters, right? Then why aren't you fighting fools? What's all this mumbo jumbo about music? Come on! Let's go fight some fools! - Aren't you Mr.
T? - Shut up, fool! Fight this fool! Get that sucker! Yeah! Yeah! Shut up, fool! Punch him in the microfiche.
Overdue charges! Give me a penny! Come on! I think there's some more fools this way.
I think we have to stop fighting fools together.
You think everyone is a fool.
- That ain't true, fool! - See? Oh, my God.
You're right.
Now I see it is I that have been the biggest fool of all.
You must fight me.
But it won't be easy.
- I put up a - Shut up, fool! I pity that fool.
Dad, can you reach the frisbee for me? No.
You should have been more careful.
Pass the salt.
Please, pass the salt.
- Well, that was good.
- Don't patronize me.
Doc, I've lost my stretching powers.
That's no surprise.
You're getting on in years, Stretch.
- Your corn syrup has hardened.
- Oh, no.
I recommend a full corn syrup transplant.
The transplant was a success but you mustn't do any stretching until your stitches are healed.
Would you like the salt, honey? I'll get the salt and afterwards, I'm getting the frisbee off the roof and showing my wife a night she'll never forget.
- Honey, your stitches! - My stitches! Remember me as I once was! My baby! - Stretchy.
- Daddy! - Who wants salt? - You're not my real dad! Why so sad, Chairry? - It's Chili Day.
- Happy Chili Day, everyone.
I hope you have your spoons.
Hi.
I'm Gary Coleman.
And when I need $150 fast to get my power turned back on, I use Fast Cash Now.
- And cut! Great job, Gary.
- Thanks.
Speaking of cash, when do I get my paycheck for this gig? Paycheck? Sure.
Here you go.
Take it.
Just take it.
Just take it, Gary.
Just jump.
There you go.
Just jump.
Just get it.
Come on.
Get it.
You can get it.
You can get it.
Yo, Coleman, check out the new ride.
Hi, Emmanuel.
I go by Many-Mo these days.
As in "I don't know how many-mo hot bitches "I could possibly fit into my new Porsche, bitch!" Later, tard! Gary, my boy.
What brings you to the old nursing home? Hi, Conrad.
I'm having one hell of a crappy day.
Well, this should cheer you up.
Oh, my God.
That reminds me, I got you a gift.
- A leprechaun outfit? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Try it on.
It's ass-less.
I can't believe they towed my car! This day just gets worse and worse.
Gary, you haven't yet earned your halo.
I'm going to send you back to earth until you get it right.
What's my first assignment? My prayers have been answered! Now, dance! Books are fun! Hello.
I'm Lisa, your GPS navigational onboard computer.
What address would you like to go to? I'm going home to 524 Deer Brook Lane.
One moment, please.
- Take a left here.
- Cool! So, what kind of music do you listen to? - Alternative.
- Like this? Yeah! Rock on! - So, do you have a girlfriend? - Why do you ask? - Just curious.
- No.
No, I don't.
What are you doing Tuesday night? So, then I go, "that's not a foot-long hot dog.
" Oh, my God.
You're so funny.
The waiter is approaching.
He is ten feet behind you.
What would you like, sir? - Just a salad.
- And for the GPS computer? The lobster, please, with some butter-lemon dipping sauce.
- The kitchen is 20 feet to your left.
- Excellent.
Thank you.
I'll walk you to the door.
- I had a great time.
- Me, too.
You're facing north right now.
So, what's the deal with us anyway? You know, I can't really get too serious right now.
I Then what was last night, just a game to you? No, no! I like you, Lisa.
I do, it's just I just got out of a relationship, and, you know, the timing It's not you.
It's me.
You're a pimply, prickly-faced son of a whoremonger Dick breath, lying, shit-faced asshole.
What a shit eater.
Take a left here.
OK, let's take it from the top.
¤ Christmas, Christmas time is here ¤ ¤ Time for nuts and time for beer ¤ They're just so terrible.
They've eaten me out of house and home.
They've got to go.
¤ Christmas, Christmas ¤ ¤ I need a hula hoop ¤ - They're fantastic! - This could sell thousands of albums.
Right.
The deadly helium.
Timber! My name is Timber! Good evening.
I'm Roger Ebert.
Roeper is out with a bad case of who gives a fuck? Guest hosting with me is director M.
Night Shyamalan.
- What a twist! - Yeah, what a twist.
First up is a three-quel to the popular Transporter franchise.
I'm late for my bridge game! I'm telling Boolie you're my worst driver yet.
Miss Daisy, the first rule when entering a man's car Don't sass me! And stop that infernal ticking.
Ticking? Hang on! Watch out! What are you doing?! Look out! Look out! Oh, no! Frank, you're my best friend.
Well, they were gonna deliver a bomb one way or another.
- Thumbs down.
- Lots of aerial twists! Next up, Adam Sandler takes on another dramatic role as America's fourth President James Madison.
You suck, Madison.
Shut up! Rob Schneider plays double duty as Vice President George Clinton who died in office from a severe heart attack.
But Rob Schneider returns as Elbridge Gerry Madison's second Vice President who also died in office from a severe heart attack.
I wouldn't eat that movie if it was a sandwich.
- Thumbs down.
- Rob Schneider, what a twit! The original Rudy was about a short, stout football player.
Rudy 2 is about 90 minutes long.
I'm doing it, Fortune.
I'm living my dream.
Remember what I said.
Keep your hands up and - I'm doing it.
I'm really doing it.
- Knock him out.
That's good! Left hook! - I'm doing it.
- Keep your guard up! You're doing it, son! - Yeah, yeah! Punish him! - I'm doing it.
Rudy 2-D not fresh, not fruity.
What a fist! What's this? What's this? There's magic in the air! - This sucks.
- I couldn't agree more.
Gefilte fish! If this bus drops below 50 miles per hour, we're all going to die.
We are running out of gas.
¤ The wheels on the bus go round and round and round ¤ Stop the short bus, I want to get off.
- Thumbs down.
- It was OK.
Now we look at one of next week's new releases.
Liam Neeson reprises his Oscar-nominated role in Schindler's List 2.
He's making a list.
He's checking it twice.
He's gonna find out who's Nazi or nice.
Schindler's List 2: Schindler's Pissed.
What a list! Why couldn't you come down with a case of who gives a fuck?
T! I'm Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters.
I am honored you wanted to check out our rehearsals.
Quit your jibber-jabber! It's time to fight some fools! - What are you talking about? - What's your name? The Fool Fighters, right? Then why aren't you fighting fools? What's all this mumbo jumbo about music? Come on! Let's go fight some fools! - Aren't you Mr.
T? - Shut up, fool! Fight this fool! Get that sucker! Yeah! Yeah! Shut up, fool! Punch him in the microfiche.
Overdue charges! Give me a penny! Come on! I think there's some more fools this way.
I think we have to stop fighting fools together.
You think everyone is a fool.
- That ain't true, fool! - See? Oh, my God.
You're right.
Now I see it is I that have been the biggest fool of all.
You must fight me.
But it won't be easy.
- I put up a - Shut up, fool! I pity that fool.
Dad, can you reach the frisbee for me? No.
You should have been more careful.
Pass the salt.
Please, pass the salt.
- Well, that was good.
- Don't patronize me.
Doc, I've lost my stretching powers.
That's no surprise.
You're getting on in years, Stretch.
- Your corn syrup has hardened.
- Oh, no.
I recommend a full corn syrup transplant.
The transplant was a success but you mustn't do any stretching until your stitches are healed.
Would you like the salt, honey? I'll get the salt and afterwards, I'm getting the frisbee off the roof and showing my wife a night she'll never forget.
- Honey, your stitches! - My stitches! Remember me as I once was! My baby! - Stretchy.
- Daddy! - Who wants salt? - You're not my real dad! Why so sad, Chairry? - It's Chili Day.
- Happy Chili Day, everyone.
I hope you have your spoons.
Hi.
I'm Gary Coleman.
And when I need $150 fast to get my power turned back on, I use Fast Cash Now.
- And cut! Great job, Gary.
- Thanks.
Speaking of cash, when do I get my paycheck for this gig? Paycheck? Sure.
Here you go.
Take it.
Just take it.
Just take it, Gary.
Just jump.
There you go.
Just jump.
Just get it.
Come on.
Get it.
You can get it.
You can get it.
Yo, Coleman, check out the new ride.
Hi, Emmanuel.
I go by Many-Mo these days.
As in "I don't know how many-mo hot bitches "I could possibly fit into my new Porsche, bitch!" Later, tard! Gary, my boy.
What brings you to the old nursing home? Hi, Conrad.
I'm having one hell of a crappy day.
Well, this should cheer you up.
Oh, my God.
That reminds me, I got you a gift.
- A leprechaun outfit? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Try it on.
It's ass-less.
I can't believe they towed my car! This day just gets worse and worse.
Gary, you haven't yet earned your halo.
I'm going to send you back to earth until you get it right.
What's my first assignment? My prayers have been answered! Now, dance! Books are fun! Hello.
I'm Lisa, your GPS navigational onboard computer.
What address would you like to go to? I'm going home to 524 Deer Brook Lane.
One moment, please.
- Take a left here.
- Cool! So, what kind of music do you listen to? - Alternative.
- Like this? Yeah! Rock on! - So, do you have a girlfriend? - Why do you ask? - Just curious.
- No.
No, I don't.
What are you doing Tuesday night? So, then I go, "that's not a foot-long hot dog.
" Oh, my God.
You're so funny.
The waiter is approaching.
He is ten feet behind you.
What would you like, sir? - Just a salad.
- And for the GPS computer? The lobster, please, with some butter-lemon dipping sauce.
- The kitchen is 20 feet to your left.
- Excellent.
Thank you.
I'll walk you to the door.
- I had a great time.
- Me, too.
You're facing north right now.
So, what's the deal with us anyway? You know, I can't really get too serious right now.
I Then what was last night, just a game to you? No, no! I like you, Lisa.
I do, it's just I just got out of a relationship, and, you know, the timing It's not you.
It's me.
You're a pimply, prickly-faced son of a whoremonger Dick breath, lying, shit-faced asshole.
What a shit eater.
Take a left here.
OK, let's take it from the top.
¤ Christmas, Christmas time is here ¤ ¤ Time for nuts and time for beer ¤ They're just so terrible.
They've eaten me out of house and home.
They've got to go.
¤ Christmas, Christmas ¤ ¤ I need a hula hoop ¤ - They're fantastic! - This could sell thousands of albums.
Right.
The deadly helium.
Timber! My name is Timber! Good evening.
I'm Roger Ebert.
Roeper is out with a bad case of who gives a fuck? Guest hosting with me is director M.
Night Shyamalan.
- What a twist! - Yeah, what a twist.
First up is a three-quel to the popular Transporter franchise.
I'm late for my bridge game! I'm telling Boolie you're my worst driver yet.
Miss Daisy, the first rule when entering a man's car Don't sass me! And stop that infernal ticking.
Ticking? Hang on! Watch out! What are you doing?! Look out! Look out! Oh, no! Frank, you're my best friend.
Well, they were gonna deliver a bomb one way or another.
- Thumbs down.
- Lots of aerial twists! Next up, Adam Sandler takes on another dramatic role as America's fourth President James Madison.
You suck, Madison.
Shut up! Rob Schneider plays double duty as Vice President George Clinton who died in office from a severe heart attack.
But Rob Schneider returns as Elbridge Gerry Madison's second Vice President who also died in office from a severe heart attack.
I wouldn't eat that movie if it was a sandwich.
- Thumbs down.
- Rob Schneider, what a twit! The original Rudy was about a short, stout football player.
Rudy 2 is about 90 minutes long.
I'm doing it, Fortune.
I'm living my dream.
Remember what I said.
Keep your hands up and - I'm doing it.
I'm really doing it.
- Knock him out.
That's good! Left hook! - I'm doing it.
- Keep your guard up! You're doing it, son! - Yeah, yeah! Punish him! - I'm doing it.
Rudy 2-D not fresh, not fruity.
What a fist! What's this? What's this? There's magic in the air! - This sucks.
- I couldn't agree more.
Gefilte fish! If this bus drops below 50 miles per hour, we're all going to die.
We are running out of gas.
¤ The wheels on the bus go round and round and round ¤ Stop the short bus, I want to get off.
- Thumbs down.
- It was OK.
Now we look at one of next week's new releases.
Liam Neeson reprises his Oscar-nominated role in Schindler's List 2.
He's making a list.
He's checking it twice.
He's gonna find out who's Nazi or nice.
Schindler's List 2: Schindler's Pissed.
What a list! Why couldn't you come down with a case of who gives a fuck?