Robot Chicken s03e16 Episode Script
Boo Cocky
It's alive! Aww, you idiot # Let's go nerds # Yeah! Oh man, someone put Liquid Heat in our jock straps.
Oh, it burns! Wow, Stan, you were wonderful.
You're that nerd! Gentlemen, you have been convicted of illegal surveillance, invasion of privacy, multiple counts of assault, identity theft, and rape.
You are each order to serve not less than maximum security prison! Ow! Nerds! Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking? That this is the best day of my entire life? No, we've got to reach out to them.
And that's how chemistry works.
See, it really isn't so hard.
Yo, I'm sorry for calling you a nerd.
Change my life, dawg! Learning is fun! I love learning! I've reached them.
Conan, what is best in life? # What is best in life # # That is hard to say # # For each man is unique # # In his own way # # As a boy # # I liked gum drops and puppies # # Sailboats and frogs # # And my best friend little Ricky Mabius # # But when I became a young man # # What was best in life # # Began to change just like my body # # I like pretty Stacy Lion with the long blonde hair # # And eyes that were blue as the ocean # # But now that I'm grown # # My thoughts have changed # # And it's pretty clear to me # # The answer to the question, what is best life # # Is plain enough for all to see # # Crush your enemies # # Crush your enemies # # And see them driven before you # # Crush your enemies # # Crush your enemies # # And see them driven before you # # And hear the lamentations of the women # Did that blow your mind? Huh? Welcome to the Star Trek experience.
Here in glamorous Las Vegas.
One please.
That will be $42.
99.
Holy crap is that in space dollars? Excuse me, but there is no such thing as space dollars.
Perhaps you're referring to the gold press latinum which is the unit of currency commonly Ow, my knee cap.
So, $42.
99.
Welcome to the Enterprise.
The Klingons have been sighted in the area.
Fear not my dear, the regulation snugness of your uniform has my photon torpedo in launch position! Ohhh! Ugh! Oh, there's a hair trigger on the firing mechanism.
If you know what I mean.
On my command, R2-D2.
Argh.
Fire lasers at Pluto! Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
What are you doing in my bathroom? Ahh, jeez.
Bridge to sanitation.
Someone took a dump on the captain's chair, again.
Hey Eddie, look at this.
Della Reese lost 5 pounds, good for her.
Hey you're not Eddie.
You will be assimilated.
Infantile.
Attention Enterprise, you thought you were clever hiding in this parallel dimension, but we have finally found you.
Prepare to be assimilated.
Ah, is this in the script? I can't adlib man, I suck at improv.
Don't worry, I was a groundling.
My clean little hands Now spread the flour, now shaky shaky, shaky.
What are you doing? Stir What? Another Enterprise? How can this be? Volgmor, return to the ship.
Oh, cruel irony, this is right out of my fan fic.
Thank you parallel dimension Enterprise.
Yes sir! Oh, they're hot! Chocolate chip cookie? L- I What? Uh, where am I? How'd I get up here? Are you guys SAG? Hello! Hey what's on the menu today? I thought the inmates might like a nice change of pace.
Broccoli, baked beans, coffee ice cream and Red Bull.
Oh my god.
Uh, I think I've had enough of that show.
Delete.
Hey, what are you doing? I don't want Robot Chicken on the DVR any more.
No! I love Robot Chicken! It's all farting and retards.
Well I like it.
Tough titty.
Ass! We split the cable bill! TV doesn't have to be stupid.
It can be challenging Oh yeah, you want something brainy on the TV.
Uh.
Oh man, I ain't going to prison! Oh my god! Gary! Enrique! Oh, I better call 911! But I might as well watch a little Robot Chicken while I wait for the cops.
Do you see the problem here? Yeah, that hallway is like bizarrely huge! That was fantastic Dave, take 5 and we'll be right with you.
Man, I wish it was better.
Yeah, but it's not too much of a problem I'll get Rosie in here to adjust the levels and such.
It will sound good.
Hey did I tell you I took out Rosie last Friday.
Oh really? How'd it go? She got thirteen toes.
What? Weird right? I took her to dinner and then invited her back to my place thinking I'd get a little play maybe a BJ or something.
She said her feet were hurting so I offer a massage you know, loosen her up a bit, so I take her shoes off and bam, three extra digits looking right at me.
Ugh, what'd you do? Pulled out a knife and cut 'em off.
What? Ha, just kidding.
Naw I gave her the massage.
And? She fell asleep, passed out right there on the couch.
What'd you do? Tucked her in, let her sleep.
That's it? Well first I undressed her and took some pictures.
Yeah, oh boy! Dude you got to let me see 'em.
I'll show you right when we're done.
Ah cool, then let's get this over with.
I've been dying to see what Rosie's been hiding under that hunting jacket.
Huh, wonder where he went.
Ah, probably just stepped outside for some air.
Let me see the pictures before he comes back.
Where are we? Chained up next to Slater, this really is a torture chamber.
Hey, where's Screech? All in due time children.
You jerk wad! What did have you done with our friend? If you really want to know Look at me! I'm Jesus! In that case, God should demand a paternity test.
Silence! In the center of the room is a red button.
Press it and Samuel Screech Powers will be torn to pieces.
Now why the heck would we do that? Press the button and I let the rest of you go free.
That's an impossible choice.
You're sick! Sorry.
It's kinda my only hobby.
Wow that is devious.
Kinda wish I thought of that.
The game begins, now! If we push the button we all go free.
Slater, don't even think about it! Just press the button, you're my best buds.
Save yourselves! Oh, Screech! Forget it Screech, all for one and one for all.
Children I forgot to mention something, if you press the button you also get free corvettes! What is happening? Why isn't he dead yet? No! Work, damn it! Hang on! Hang on! Stop hitting the button so hard.
You're breaking it.
Make it work.
I hate you guys.
I can't believe I masturbated to Kelly and wanted bang Lisa.
You suck! Yo, fuck the button just give me a blunt object, I'll beat him to death! Stop! Stop! Just-just stop! Stop! Hey, hey, hey! Wait-wait, a minute.
It's me.
Principal Belding.
You're not really prisoners, this was just a trust exercise to help students to learn to depend on each other.
Ahhhh! Stop! Stop! Just slit his throat! Use my nail file! For the love of god! Yes Slater.
So we really don't get corvettes? No.
Are there any other questions? Me, me, me, me! Are there any questions not pertaining to corvettes? Ahh, man.
I fucking hate you guys.
# Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk # Ba-gawk! Bawk.
Oh, it burns! Wow, Stan, you were wonderful.
You're that nerd! Gentlemen, you have been convicted of illegal surveillance, invasion of privacy, multiple counts of assault, identity theft, and rape.
You are each order to serve not less than maximum security prison! Ow! Nerds! Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking? That this is the best day of my entire life? No, we've got to reach out to them.
And that's how chemistry works.
See, it really isn't so hard.
Yo, I'm sorry for calling you a nerd.
Change my life, dawg! Learning is fun! I love learning! I've reached them.
Conan, what is best in life? # What is best in life # # That is hard to say # # For each man is unique # # In his own way # # As a boy # # I liked gum drops and puppies # # Sailboats and frogs # # And my best friend little Ricky Mabius # # But when I became a young man # # What was best in life # # Began to change just like my body # # I like pretty Stacy Lion with the long blonde hair # # And eyes that were blue as the ocean # # But now that I'm grown # # My thoughts have changed # # And it's pretty clear to me # # The answer to the question, what is best life # # Is plain enough for all to see # # Crush your enemies # # Crush your enemies # # And see them driven before you # # Crush your enemies # # Crush your enemies # # And see them driven before you # # And hear the lamentations of the women # Did that blow your mind? Huh? Welcome to the Star Trek experience.
Here in glamorous Las Vegas.
One please.
That will be $42.
99.
Holy crap is that in space dollars? Excuse me, but there is no such thing as space dollars.
Perhaps you're referring to the gold press latinum which is the unit of currency commonly Ow, my knee cap.
So, $42.
99.
Welcome to the Enterprise.
The Klingons have been sighted in the area.
Fear not my dear, the regulation snugness of your uniform has my photon torpedo in launch position! Ohhh! Ugh! Oh, there's a hair trigger on the firing mechanism.
If you know what I mean.
On my command, R2-D2.
Argh.
Fire lasers at Pluto! Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
What are you doing in my bathroom? Ahh, jeez.
Bridge to sanitation.
Someone took a dump on the captain's chair, again.
Hey Eddie, look at this.
Della Reese lost 5 pounds, good for her.
Hey you're not Eddie.
You will be assimilated.
Infantile.
Attention Enterprise, you thought you were clever hiding in this parallel dimension, but we have finally found you.
Prepare to be assimilated.
Ah, is this in the script? I can't adlib man, I suck at improv.
Don't worry, I was a groundling.
My clean little hands Now spread the flour, now shaky shaky, shaky.
What are you doing? Stir What? Another Enterprise? How can this be? Volgmor, return to the ship.
Oh, cruel irony, this is right out of my fan fic.
Thank you parallel dimension Enterprise.
Yes sir! Oh, they're hot! Chocolate chip cookie? L- I What? Uh, where am I? How'd I get up here? Are you guys SAG? Hello! Hey what's on the menu today? I thought the inmates might like a nice change of pace.
Broccoli, baked beans, coffee ice cream and Red Bull.
Oh my god.
Uh, I think I've had enough of that show.
Delete.
Hey, what are you doing? I don't want Robot Chicken on the DVR any more.
No! I love Robot Chicken! It's all farting and retards.
Well I like it.
Tough titty.
Ass! We split the cable bill! TV doesn't have to be stupid.
It can be challenging Oh yeah, you want something brainy on the TV.
Uh.
Oh man, I ain't going to prison! Oh my god! Gary! Enrique! Oh, I better call 911! But I might as well watch a little Robot Chicken while I wait for the cops.
Do you see the problem here? Yeah, that hallway is like bizarrely huge! That was fantastic Dave, take 5 and we'll be right with you.
Man, I wish it was better.
Yeah, but it's not too much of a problem I'll get Rosie in here to adjust the levels and such.
It will sound good.
Hey did I tell you I took out Rosie last Friday.
Oh really? How'd it go? She got thirteen toes.
What? Weird right? I took her to dinner and then invited her back to my place thinking I'd get a little play maybe a BJ or something.
She said her feet were hurting so I offer a massage you know, loosen her up a bit, so I take her shoes off and bam, three extra digits looking right at me.
Ugh, what'd you do? Pulled out a knife and cut 'em off.
What? Ha, just kidding.
Naw I gave her the massage.
And? She fell asleep, passed out right there on the couch.
What'd you do? Tucked her in, let her sleep.
That's it? Well first I undressed her and took some pictures.
Yeah, oh boy! Dude you got to let me see 'em.
I'll show you right when we're done.
Ah cool, then let's get this over with.
I've been dying to see what Rosie's been hiding under that hunting jacket.
Huh, wonder where he went.
Ah, probably just stepped outside for some air.
Let me see the pictures before he comes back.
Where are we? Chained up next to Slater, this really is a torture chamber.
Hey, where's Screech? All in due time children.
You jerk wad! What did have you done with our friend? If you really want to know Look at me! I'm Jesus! In that case, God should demand a paternity test.
Silence! In the center of the room is a red button.
Press it and Samuel Screech Powers will be torn to pieces.
Now why the heck would we do that? Press the button and I let the rest of you go free.
That's an impossible choice.
You're sick! Sorry.
It's kinda my only hobby.
Wow that is devious.
Kinda wish I thought of that.
The game begins, now! If we push the button we all go free.
Slater, don't even think about it! Just press the button, you're my best buds.
Save yourselves! Oh, Screech! Forget it Screech, all for one and one for all.
Children I forgot to mention something, if you press the button you also get free corvettes! What is happening? Why isn't he dead yet? No! Work, damn it! Hang on! Hang on! Stop hitting the button so hard.
You're breaking it.
Make it work.
I hate you guys.
I can't believe I masturbated to Kelly and wanted bang Lisa.
You suck! Yo, fuck the button just give me a blunt object, I'll beat him to death! Stop! Stop! Just-just stop! Stop! Hey, hey, hey! Wait-wait, a minute.
It's me.
Principal Belding.
You're not really prisoners, this was just a trust exercise to help students to learn to depend on each other.
Ahhhh! Stop! Stop! Just slit his throat! Use my nail file! For the love of god! Yes Slater.
So we really don't get corvettes? No.
Are there any other questions? Me, me, me, me! Are there any questions not pertaining to corvettes? Ahh, man.
I fucking hate you guys.
# Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk # Ba-gawk! Bawk.