Robot Chicken s07e06 Episode Script
El Skeletorito
7x06 - El Skeletorito It's alive! - Hey! - Unh! - Hey! - Unh! Hey! Our game, "Candy Crush saga," is so simple and addictive just match three items in a row! Ha! Why hasn't anyone thought - of this before? - Yeah, I came up with it when I was playing "Bejeweled," but more importantly, who should direct the "Candy Crash saga" movie? What about Zack Snyder? Unh! Ah! This ends now! - Millions are dead! - But I found three orange candies! Eh, too violent.
How about Tyler Perry? Ooh, lawdy! I just got t'ree of dem little - candies in a row, praise be to Jesus! - Madea, three years ago, I was sexually assaulted at a fraternity party.
- Now I'm addicted to crack.
- Love is more powerful than any addiction, baby girl.
In fact, it is one.
That got really dark and weird at the end.
Eh, they all do.
You think it's gonna be "big momma's house," and then it turns into some high-school girl's idea of a "relevant" play.
Those Peter Jackson movies make a lot of money! Pass the mints and share the treats won't the viewers think it's sweet? This scene has gone on for 45 minutes, and I still don't know - what a Hobbit is.
- Run, you fools! Eh, it doesn't matter who directs it.
We're the biggest thing on the internet! - It'll be a hit no matter what! - You're right! Hey, I gotta get home soon.
"shit my dad says" - is on tonight! - Oh, no, Phil.
No.
No, it isn't.
Hahaha ha-ha! Hahaha ha-ha! Hahahahahahaha! Hello? Oh, dad? Why are you calling? What? When? I ju I just saw her! Oh, my god.
Was the other driver drunk or Yeah, I'll hop on the first plane out of here.
I love you, dad.
Wuhaha ha-ha.
Wuhaha ha-ha.
Wuhahahahahaha ha-haaaaaa.
"And the dragon and the squirrel skipped down peppercorn lane" Hey! - Huh? What? - I need you to understand that once you fall asleep, there is zero value in me - reading this book.
- I sure did have a good time - tonight, Jack.
- Yeah, me too.
Maybe we could oh, no! Tonight's the full moon? Run, Sally! Run away as fast as you can! I'm a werewolf! No, Jack, I'm staying! I love you! - Wait, what?! - I love you! Thank you? "Thank you"? I say "I love you," and you say - "thank you"? - Oh, are we doing this now? I think you are very nice! I just got out of a long-term thing, so Look, I'm turning into a werewolf.
You should really go Oh, god.
What did I do to Sally last night? You made me the happiest girl in the world! - Oh, yeah! - Go, go, go! Stay down! Stay down! Get on the ground! And you feel the army took advantage of you? Yes! I can't control what happens when anybody says "hey, kool-aid!" - Oh, yeah! - What? - What? - What? Keep rolling.
So, you see, kids, if you share with others, others will share with you Siri, I'm hungry for a burrito.
I'm sorry, Bane.
I don't understand you.
I want you to find me a burrito store, Siri.
Your voice is barely audible, Bane.
Burritos in Bane's stomach now! Perhaps a mask was a bad costume choice.
- We will drink here, Lawrence.
- Wait.
Who owns this well? We are thirsty! We will drink! Who steal the water from the Sheik? - Aah! - I'll break your back! - I'll make you humble! - My name is T.
E.
Lawrence, and I could use your assistance in this war, sir.
Now you friends with Sheiky baby! - I'm gonna break your back! - Such bravery! - I'll make you humble! - He's quite the warrior.
Young men make war.
Old men make peace.
- Oh! Son of a bitch! - I'll make you humble! Okay Ah! I'll make you humble! - That's a little excessive.
- Ah! Sand show no respect.
Sheik put you in the camel clutch! Okay, this guy's crazy.
Did Lawrence and Sheiky baby win the war? I don't know.
This movie is 3 hours and 48 minutes long.
A lot of stuff happened.
Greetings, boos and ghouls! Boys and girls! Boos and ghouls! [bleep.]
that was barely coherent! Tonight we have three tales of terror guaranteed to chill you to the "groans"! Wait, the word "bones" was already scary.
Why'd we Okay, who cares? Let's keep this turd train rolling.
I love my new unicorn trapper keeper! The old gypsy said not to open it after midnight.
Oh, well.
Couldn't hurt.
Hello, Tracy! - Let's be best friends forever! - Oh, my god! Yes! - I love you! - Say, who's this? Oh, that's just my boyfriend, Charlie.
- He looks fun.
- Uh, yeah, I guess.
What's this? A pool party? Count me in! - Whoa! A unicorn! - You look like you could use - some sunscreen! - Yeah, I guess I do need some.
Whoops! No hands! Better improvise! That tickles! - Oh, yeah.
- Hey, Charlie Could have sworn I tied - a sock on the door, Tracy.
- Oh, my god! You're a monster! You're a pervert! You're That was a warning.
Walk away.
I'd rather ride.
Ohh! Ooh, ahh.
All you've done is made me stronger.
Uh-oh.
You wanna get sucked? Get sucked! Nooooo! - It's finally over, baby.
- Bye-bye, college fund.
College fund? - Ew.
- Oh, hello! I was just enjoying the latest best "heller"! This is actually Dan Brown's "Inferno.
" It's a piece of shit.
Our next tale is something of an "alle-gory"! You might say it's a "meta-gore"! Let's just roll it.
Get out Get out of the house.
- Get out of the hou - Why don't you get your tongue out of your daddy's [bleep.]
hole so I can jam your mama's [bleep.]
up there, you [bleep.]
-gargling pile of monkey spunk? Nothing to say now, huh? There's just a lot to unpack there.
Well, wake me up when you figure it out, shit stick.
Blam! Where's your [bleep.]
-ass art project now, [bleep.]
nut? It wasn't supposed to be art! It was supposed to scare you! God! Forget it! I'm leaving! Strawberry shortcake! - Huh? What? - Get out of the house! Hey, [bleep.]
clown, if you're ragging so bad, why don't you take your mama's tampon out of your daddy's [bleep.]
hole and lick it clean before you shove it up your [bleep.]
? Hey, stop talking about my dad's [bleep.]
hole! I'll leave town, okay? Oh, FYI, that isn't blood.
That is strawberry jam, m'lady.
The insulation is leaking.
All I did was turn the painting upside down.
- Live with it.
- Do you think he was right about the insulation? That could be "berry" expensive.
Hmm, let's see.
That depends on whether I give a [bleep.]
, shit tits! Dun dun-dun-daaaa! Bitch pudding! Blam! I should really move.
Now that's what I call bare-bones storytelling! It's like the writers were "scare-ly" trying! Let's keep moving.
- Honey, I'm running to the store! - You be careful out there, George R.
R.
Martin.
Hey, George! George R.
R.
Martin! - George! - When's the next book gonna - be finished? - Will it be finished today? - Say today! - Is Jon Snow's mom really Melisandre? It makes perfect sense, if you - think about it! - Hey, George! If the land beyond the wall is a metaphor for Canada - then what's New Jersey? - Are dire wolves real? Can I have Emilia Clarke's phone number? - Three-eyed raven! - Can I do Brienne? - Stay stay back! - George R.
R.
Martin! Oh! No! No! - Is Brienne doable? - Jon and Ygritte! That was weird.
Anyway, tune in next "shriek" when we oh, we're not back next "shriek"? We were canceled years ago? You mean "fears" ago! Oh, you're serious.
Well, [bleep.]
me, Jerry, I Jerry, where'd you go? Jerry, where'd you go?! Don't leave your boy, Jerry! I'm your boy! Why-y-y? I've got nowhere to go!
How about Tyler Perry? Ooh, lawdy! I just got t'ree of dem little - candies in a row, praise be to Jesus! - Madea, three years ago, I was sexually assaulted at a fraternity party.
- Now I'm addicted to crack.
- Love is more powerful than any addiction, baby girl.
In fact, it is one.
That got really dark and weird at the end.
Eh, they all do.
You think it's gonna be "big momma's house," and then it turns into some high-school girl's idea of a "relevant" play.
Those Peter Jackson movies make a lot of money! Pass the mints and share the treats won't the viewers think it's sweet? This scene has gone on for 45 minutes, and I still don't know - what a Hobbit is.
- Run, you fools! Eh, it doesn't matter who directs it.
We're the biggest thing on the internet! - It'll be a hit no matter what! - You're right! Hey, I gotta get home soon.
"shit my dad says" - is on tonight! - Oh, no, Phil.
No.
No, it isn't.
Hahaha ha-ha! Hahaha ha-ha! Hahahahahahaha! Hello? Oh, dad? Why are you calling? What? When? I ju I just saw her! Oh, my god.
Was the other driver drunk or Yeah, I'll hop on the first plane out of here.
I love you, dad.
Wuhaha ha-ha.
Wuhaha ha-ha.
Wuhahahahahaha ha-haaaaaa.
"And the dragon and the squirrel skipped down peppercorn lane" Hey! - Huh? What? - I need you to understand that once you fall asleep, there is zero value in me - reading this book.
- I sure did have a good time - tonight, Jack.
- Yeah, me too.
Maybe we could oh, no! Tonight's the full moon? Run, Sally! Run away as fast as you can! I'm a werewolf! No, Jack, I'm staying! I love you! - Wait, what?! - I love you! Thank you? "Thank you"? I say "I love you," and you say - "thank you"? - Oh, are we doing this now? I think you are very nice! I just got out of a long-term thing, so Look, I'm turning into a werewolf.
You should really go Oh, god.
What did I do to Sally last night? You made me the happiest girl in the world! - Oh, yeah! - Go, go, go! Stay down! Stay down! Get on the ground! And you feel the army took advantage of you? Yes! I can't control what happens when anybody says "hey, kool-aid!" - Oh, yeah! - What? - What? - What? Keep rolling.
So, you see, kids, if you share with others, others will share with you Siri, I'm hungry for a burrito.
I'm sorry, Bane.
I don't understand you.
I want you to find me a burrito store, Siri.
Your voice is barely audible, Bane.
Burritos in Bane's stomach now! Perhaps a mask was a bad costume choice.
- We will drink here, Lawrence.
- Wait.
Who owns this well? We are thirsty! We will drink! Who steal the water from the Sheik? - Aah! - I'll break your back! - I'll make you humble! - My name is T.
E.
Lawrence, and I could use your assistance in this war, sir.
Now you friends with Sheiky baby! - I'm gonna break your back! - Such bravery! - I'll make you humble! - He's quite the warrior.
Young men make war.
Old men make peace.
- Oh! Son of a bitch! - I'll make you humble! Okay Ah! I'll make you humble! - That's a little excessive.
- Ah! Sand show no respect.
Sheik put you in the camel clutch! Okay, this guy's crazy.
Did Lawrence and Sheiky baby win the war? I don't know.
This movie is 3 hours and 48 minutes long.
A lot of stuff happened.
Greetings, boos and ghouls! Boys and girls! Boos and ghouls! [bleep.]
that was barely coherent! Tonight we have three tales of terror guaranteed to chill you to the "groans"! Wait, the word "bones" was already scary.
Why'd we Okay, who cares? Let's keep this turd train rolling.
I love my new unicorn trapper keeper! The old gypsy said not to open it after midnight.
Oh, well.
Couldn't hurt.
Hello, Tracy! - Let's be best friends forever! - Oh, my god! Yes! - I love you! - Say, who's this? Oh, that's just my boyfriend, Charlie.
- He looks fun.
- Uh, yeah, I guess.
What's this? A pool party? Count me in! - Whoa! A unicorn! - You look like you could use - some sunscreen! - Yeah, I guess I do need some.
Whoops! No hands! Better improvise! That tickles! - Oh, yeah.
- Hey, Charlie Could have sworn I tied - a sock on the door, Tracy.
- Oh, my god! You're a monster! You're a pervert! You're That was a warning.
Walk away.
I'd rather ride.
Ohh! Ooh, ahh.
All you've done is made me stronger.
Uh-oh.
You wanna get sucked? Get sucked! Nooooo! - It's finally over, baby.
- Bye-bye, college fund.
College fund? - Ew.
- Oh, hello! I was just enjoying the latest best "heller"! This is actually Dan Brown's "Inferno.
" It's a piece of shit.
Our next tale is something of an "alle-gory"! You might say it's a "meta-gore"! Let's just roll it.
Get out Get out of the house.
- Get out of the hou - Why don't you get your tongue out of your daddy's [bleep.]
hole so I can jam your mama's [bleep.]
up there, you [bleep.]
-gargling pile of monkey spunk? Nothing to say now, huh? There's just a lot to unpack there.
Well, wake me up when you figure it out, shit stick.
Blam! Where's your [bleep.]
-ass art project now, [bleep.]
nut? It wasn't supposed to be art! It was supposed to scare you! God! Forget it! I'm leaving! Strawberry shortcake! - Huh? What? - Get out of the house! Hey, [bleep.]
clown, if you're ragging so bad, why don't you take your mama's tampon out of your daddy's [bleep.]
hole and lick it clean before you shove it up your [bleep.]
? Hey, stop talking about my dad's [bleep.]
hole! I'll leave town, okay? Oh, FYI, that isn't blood.
That is strawberry jam, m'lady.
The insulation is leaking.
All I did was turn the painting upside down.
- Live with it.
- Do you think he was right about the insulation? That could be "berry" expensive.
Hmm, let's see.
That depends on whether I give a [bleep.]
, shit tits! Dun dun-dun-daaaa! Bitch pudding! Blam! I should really move.
Now that's what I call bare-bones storytelling! It's like the writers were "scare-ly" trying! Let's keep moving.
- Honey, I'm running to the store! - You be careful out there, George R.
R.
Martin.
Hey, George! George R.
R.
Martin! - George! - When's the next book gonna - be finished? - Will it be finished today? - Say today! - Is Jon Snow's mom really Melisandre? It makes perfect sense, if you - think about it! - Hey, George! If the land beyond the wall is a metaphor for Canada - then what's New Jersey? - Are dire wolves real? Can I have Emilia Clarke's phone number? - Three-eyed raven! - Can I do Brienne? - Stay stay back! - George R.
R.
Martin! Oh! No! No! - Is Brienne doable? - Jon and Ygritte! That was weird.
Anyway, tune in next "shriek" when we oh, we're not back next "shriek"? We were canceled years ago? You mean "fears" ago! Oh, you're serious.
Well, [bleep.]
me, Jerry, I Jerry, where'd you go? Jerry, where'd you go?! Don't leave your boy, Jerry! I'm your boy! Why-y-y? I've got nowhere to go!