Robot Chicken s07e12 Episode Script
Noidstrom Rack
It's alive! 7x12 - "Noidstrom Rack" Captain von Trapp, the Hills are Alive! With the sound of music.
Yes, Maria, I know.
No, you fool! The Hills are Alive! Autobots, we must defeat Megatron.
We are the Zybots! We can also transform.
- Let us help you fight.
- Uh Brave Zybots, I am Okay! Well, thanks for your time.
- That was just sad.
- Whew! Sorry I'm late.
- Uh, who are you? - I'm I'm an I'm an Autobot like you.
My name is Autobot Johnson.
You look exactly like the Zybots we just spoke to hastily cobbled together to form a bigger, weirder Zybot.
Uh, okay.
Who hired this guy? Oh, shit! Give me a second here.
Ugh! Just one second! Aah! Ugh! - There.
- If you're an Autobot, then transform with loud, showy noises.
- You bet! - Kee-Kah! Khwah! True talk we lied.
But we don't need your permission.
We'll fight Megatron all by ourselves.
- Megatron, meet the Zybots! - Not the Zybots! We did it.
We did it! - We did i-i-i-i-t! - Megatron, what the [bleep.]
bro? Oh, those guys were cute.
They really looked like they needed a "W.
" - Where is he, Marjory? - I don't know what you're - talking about.
- You've been cheating on me - with one of these?! - Unh! Once you go QR code, you never take another barcode load.
You do realize changing faces has zero relevance to combat, right? Well, my fist is very relevant.
Ah, I got to jet, guys.
My play is opening tonight! Rubber baby buggy bumpers.
Rubber baby buggy bumpers! I can't believe he's leaving us for his acting bullshit.
Let's crash his play and yell, "you suck!" - at inappropriate moments.
- Hey, what the [bleep.]
guys? [bleep.]
[bleep.]
[bleep.]
- What a doucheblast.
- Though cursed with a monster's face, you, Catherine you've seen the man inside.
How ironic that they say love is blind, because it took love to open my eyes.
He's brilliant! We had no idea you were so talented, man.
Hi, there.
Herb Schwartz.
You, sir, are gonna be a star.
"My husband is also a robot" is filmed before a live - studio audience.
- Steve, it's your night to do - the dishes.
- "Dishes" Does not compute.
My directive is to watch football.
That stunt you pulled on the subway cost the city $18 million in damages! Which one of you wants to - explain what happened?! - Not it! And the best actor Oscar goes to Man-E-Faces for "Reaching into darkness: The story of Helen Keller's father, - Arthur Keller.
" - Oh, why?! Why is my daughter's hand wet?! Who put water on my daughter's hand?! What's next? Show me the new face.
But I only have three.
What the hell, man? Your name should be "Two-more-faces.
" Oh, I'm so [bleep.]
I signed a 95-picture deal.
"Mr.
Monster goes to fart school" is yet another reheated piece of dog crap from Man-E-Faces.
Don't get too down.
I love "Mr.
Monster goes to fart school.
" - Really? - No, man.
You fart like a hack.
This is Bucky o'Hare, requesting to land on Moonport 4-5.
One sec.
Got to mate again.
My apologies.
Requesting to land whoops.
Matin' time.
Warning.
Warning.
Warning.
Dad, it's your son Sam! Dad, why did we leave the electricity running in an arcade we closed 20 years ago when you disappeared?! Eh, couldn't hurt.
Ohh! It does hurt! I was totally wrong! I'm so stupi - Wh-where am I? - You're in the digital world, like a game grid but on PCP! I'm Koromon, a digimon! Digivolve me into a little yellow dinosaur and we can Dad?! Da-a-a-a-d! Sam! Is that really you? Did you create this world?! It's amazing! I tried to kill myself, but they won't let me die! I curse Jesus' name, son! I hate god so very, very much! I found you, dad! That's what matters! I had sex with them! Tokomon was the most gentle, but I say that within the context of it being terrible! - Shit, dad! That is gross! - But you're here now! We can figure a way out together! Before I came here, I told the electric company to turn the power off! This whole place is about to de-rez! Son, it is still a sweet release.
- At last, I'll know peace.
- Ohh! This isn't peaceful at all! Oh, my god! Remember, sex ed is a safe place to ask questions with no judgment.
Yes? - You have a question, Stretch? - Uh, is it normal when you touch yourself for your penis to get longer and softer and really stringy? Because my friend asked me, and I was like, "no way, weirdo.
Mine's not like that.
" Unless that's normal.
'Cause, yeah, it's not to me, right? Up high! Wow! The top of Mount Everest! I did it! Whew! I'm just gonna take a little break, maybe The top of Mount Everest just went up my butt! All right! Awesome! Patrons of medieval times, your champion, the Blue Knight! Mom, look! Blue Knight, you're my hero! Why, thank you, squire! All hail the king! - All hail the king! - Oh [bleep.]
me.
- I locked my keys in my car.
- Hey, you have AAA? No, I don't have AAA! Who the [bleep.]
do I look like, - Scrooge [bleep.]
McDuck?! - Just trying to help.
Oh, oh, oh, good.
Good.
Well, let me help you.
Why don't you go find a dick yeah put it in between two pieces of bread, and then go [bleep.]
eat it, you [bleep.]
retard? Hey, window, blow me.
Ohhh! Ohh! Son of a bitch! Oh, mother of Christ! I just broke my hand! I don't have health insurance, and I broke my G.
D.
hand! Ahh! There! Ha! Can't get the [bleep.]
open! Ohh.
Get off! Oh, I'm [bleep.]
wet.
No gas?! Oh [bleep.]
Time to pay it forward, butt muffin.
Oh, that's nasty! Oh, I just drank some gas! Ew, gross! Get over yourself, princess! All hail the king! Oh, shit.
I killed that dude.
He's dead.
Well, guess I'm a Red Knight fan now, mom.
- Yeah.
Call me "daddy.
" - No! I was talking to her.
Will it be an early spring or a late winter? Only Punxsutawney Phil knows for sure.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Get back! It's winter a winter like you've never seen! Run, you fools! What's that, Beverly? You want Wesley to watch? Make it so.
Night Crew to relieve us.
Captain.
Capitán.
- # Aw, yeah! # - Night Crew may take course.
Space the final frontier! These are the 11:00 P.
M.
To 7:00 A.
M.
voyages of the Enterprise's Night Crew.
Its continuing mission is # to partay! # Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Captain Jake, a Borg cube is hailing us.
Maybe they want us to turn down our jams.
Fat chance! Lower your shields.
Your culture will adapt to service us.
You want us to service you? Affirmative.
You will service the Borg all night if needed.
Wait.
Our hive mind has assimilated double entendres.
Real mature, guys.
Prepare for assimilation.
Our shields won't last long, sir.
Should we wake up the bald guy? No way, Commander LaFreak! We'll beat the Borg just like we beat that frat on Gallos-7.
We'll sell naked photos of their girlfriends - at a pie-eating contest? - What? No! Like any frat, the Borg share a hive mind, man.
If we get one Borg to party, all Borg will party! Night Crew, prepare to rock out with our Spocks out! Did somebody order a partygram? Wet t-shirt contest! Oh, right no shirt.
You want mine? Oh, chill out, dude! - Wait is she your daughter? - Enough! Partying is futile! Your blood, so full of beer.
Your party so hearty! Whoo-hoo! Now, this I can assimilate! Captain Jake, Starfleet thanks you for defeating the Borg.
- Bitchin'! - Night Cre-e-e-e-e-e-w! Beer me.
You glorious sons of bitches!
Yes, Maria, I know.
No, you fool! The Hills are Alive! Autobots, we must defeat Megatron.
We are the Zybots! We can also transform.
- Let us help you fight.
- Uh Brave Zybots, I am Okay! Well, thanks for your time.
- That was just sad.
- Whew! Sorry I'm late.
- Uh, who are you? - I'm I'm an I'm an Autobot like you.
My name is Autobot Johnson.
You look exactly like the Zybots we just spoke to hastily cobbled together to form a bigger, weirder Zybot.
Uh, okay.
Who hired this guy? Oh, shit! Give me a second here.
Ugh! Just one second! Aah! Ugh! - There.
- If you're an Autobot, then transform with loud, showy noises.
- You bet! - Kee-Kah! Khwah! True talk we lied.
But we don't need your permission.
We'll fight Megatron all by ourselves.
- Megatron, meet the Zybots! - Not the Zybots! We did it.
We did it! - We did i-i-i-i-t! - Megatron, what the [bleep.]
bro? Oh, those guys were cute.
They really looked like they needed a "W.
" - Where is he, Marjory? - I don't know what you're - talking about.
- You've been cheating on me - with one of these?! - Unh! Once you go QR code, you never take another barcode load.
You do realize changing faces has zero relevance to combat, right? Well, my fist is very relevant.
Ah, I got to jet, guys.
My play is opening tonight! Rubber baby buggy bumpers.
Rubber baby buggy bumpers! I can't believe he's leaving us for his acting bullshit.
Let's crash his play and yell, "you suck!" - at inappropriate moments.
- Hey, what the [bleep.]
guys? [bleep.]
[bleep.]
[bleep.]
- What a doucheblast.
- Though cursed with a monster's face, you, Catherine you've seen the man inside.
How ironic that they say love is blind, because it took love to open my eyes.
He's brilliant! We had no idea you were so talented, man.
Hi, there.
Herb Schwartz.
You, sir, are gonna be a star.
"My husband is also a robot" is filmed before a live - studio audience.
- Steve, it's your night to do - the dishes.
- "Dishes" Does not compute.
My directive is to watch football.
That stunt you pulled on the subway cost the city $18 million in damages! Which one of you wants to - explain what happened?! - Not it! And the best actor Oscar goes to Man-E-Faces for "Reaching into darkness: The story of Helen Keller's father, - Arthur Keller.
" - Oh, why?! Why is my daughter's hand wet?! Who put water on my daughter's hand?! What's next? Show me the new face.
But I only have three.
What the hell, man? Your name should be "Two-more-faces.
" Oh, I'm so [bleep.]
I signed a 95-picture deal.
"Mr.
Monster goes to fart school" is yet another reheated piece of dog crap from Man-E-Faces.
Don't get too down.
I love "Mr.
Monster goes to fart school.
" - Really? - No, man.
You fart like a hack.
This is Bucky o'Hare, requesting to land on Moonport 4-5.
One sec.
Got to mate again.
My apologies.
Requesting to land whoops.
Matin' time.
Warning.
Warning.
Warning.
Dad, it's your son Sam! Dad, why did we leave the electricity running in an arcade we closed 20 years ago when you disappeared?! Eh, couldn't hurt.
Ohh! It does hurt! I was totally wrong! I'm so stupi - Wh-where am I? - You're in the digital world, like a game grid but on PCP! I'm Koromon, a digimon! Digivolve me into a little yellow dinosaur and we can Dad?! Da-a-a-a-d! Sam! Is that really you? Did you create this world?! It's amazing! I tried to kill myself, but they won't let me die! I curse Jesus' name, son! I hate god so very, very much! I found you, dad! That's what matters! I had sex with them! Tokomon was the most gentle, but I say that within the context of it being terrible! - Shit, dad! That is gross! - But you're here now! We can figure a way out together! Before I came here, I told the electric company to turn the power off! This whole place is about to de-rez! Son, it is still a sweet release.
- At last, I'll know peace.
- Ohh! This isn't peaceful at all! Oh, my god! Remember, sex ed is a safe place to ask questions with no judgment.
Yes? - You have a question, Stretch? - Uh, is it normal when you touch yourself for your penis to get longer and softer and really stringy? Because my friend asked me, and I was like, "no way, weirdo.
Mine's not like that.
" Unless that's normal.
'Cause, yeah, it's not to me, right? Up high! Wow! The top of Mount Everest! I did it! Whew! I'm just gonna take a little break, maybe The top of Mount Everest just went up my butt! All right! Awesome! Patrons of medieval times, your champion, the Blue Knight! Mom, look! Blue Knight, you're my hero! Why, thank you, squire! All hail the king! - All hail the king! - Oh [bleep.]
me.
- I locked my keys in my car.
- Hey, you have AAA? No, I don't have AAA! Who the [bleep.]
do I look like, - Scrooge [bleep.]
McDuck?! - Just trying to help.
Oh, oh, oh, good.
Good.
Well, let me help you.
Why don't you go find a dick yeah put it in between two pieces of bread, and then go [bleep.]
eat it, you [bleep.]
retard? Hey, window, blow me.
Ohhh! Ohh! Son of a bitch! Oh, mother of Christ! I just broke my hand! I don't have health insurance, and I broke my G.
D.
hand! Ahh! There! Ha! Can't get the [bleep.]
open! Ohh.
Get off! Oh, I'm [bleep.]
wet.
No gas?! Oh [bleep.]
Time to pay it forward, butt muffin.
Oh, that's nasty! Oh, I just drank some gas! Ew, gross! Get over yourself, princess! All hail the king! Oh, shit.
I killed that dude.
He's dead.
Well, guess I'm a Red Knight fan now, mom.
- Yeah.
Call me "daddy.
" - No! I was talking to her.
Will it be an early spring or a late winter? Only Punxsutawney Phil knows for sure.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Get back! It's winter a winter like you've never seen! Run, you fools! What's that, Beverly? You want Wesley to watch? Make it so.
Night Crew to relieve us.
Captain.
Capitán.
- # Aw, yeah! # - Night Crew may take course.
Space the final frontier! These are the 11:00 P.
M.
To 7:00 A.
M.
voyages of the Enterprise's Night Crew.
Its continuing mission is # to partay! # Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Captain Jake, a Borg cube is hailing us.
Maybe they want us to turn down our jams.
Fat chance! Lower your shields.
Your culture will adapt to service us.
You want us to service you? Affirmative.
You will service the Borg all night if needed.
Wait.
Our hive mind has assimilated double entendres.
Real mature, guys.
Prepare for assimilation.
Our shields won't last long, sir.
Should we wake up the bald guy? No way, Commander LaFreak! We'll beat the Borg just like we beat that frat on Gallos-7.
We'll sell naked photos of their girlfriends - at a pie-eating contest? - What? No! Like any frat, the Borg share a hive mind, man.
If we get one Borg to party, all Borg will party! Night Crew, prepare to rock out with our Spocks out! Did somebody order a partygram? Wet t-shirt contest! Oh, right no shirt.
You want mine? Oh, chill out, dude! - Wait is she your daughter? - Enough! Partying is futile! Your blood, so full of beer.
Your party so hearty! Whoo-hoo! Now, this I can assimilate! Captain Jake, Starfleet thanks you for defeating the Borg.
- Bitchin'! - Night Cre-e-e-e-e-e-w! Beer me.
You glorious sons of bitches!