Robot Chicken s11e08 Episode Script
May Cause Numb Butthole
1
It's alive!
Stay in the middle.
- Don't get too close to the water.
- Why not? - My arm! - That's why.
Ha! Ha! - Huaahh-ha! - Hi-ya! Airbending! - Ha! Ha! - Hi-ya! Watch me bend the air.
Ha! Ha! - My cabbages! - Whoops, sorry, cabbage man.
This happens every damn day! Whew! See you later! Bending air! Ow, my head! You mean Bending air! Oof! - What the heck? - Cabbage force field! Too long I have allowed you and your foes to tarnish the humble cabbage empire.
No more! Cabbage bending! I guess I deserve this.
Thank you, cabbage man! I'm finally able to capture Aang and hand him over to my father in exchange for his love.
Don't think you're off the hook! I hope you like your vegetables sautéed! Cabbage throw! Cabbage throw! Oof! Finally, time for the Cabatar to rise! Long have I waited for my grandchild to come home.
Your grandchild? Technically, the daughter of my own clone.
A perfect replica of me, except nothing like me in any way.
Think he worked at a shoe store.
Anyway, you got lost in the desert for 20 years and somehow got trained by Luke Skywalker.
- All part of my plan.
- Sounds like you were winging it.
I think you'll find I leave nothing to chance.
Ahh! Are you okay? Not to worry.
Also part of the plan.
What was I saying? Ah, yes.
That's when I buried 10,000 Star Destroyers under the ice.
Who built them? Better yet, who will fly them? Ice zombies? That's when we started mass-producing ice zombies who staffed the ice zombie machines.
That's for another trilogy.
I was also Snoke.
Ahh! Is there someone we can talk to about turning that thing off? There was a system upgrade.
They told me it would be fine! Now, back to the plan.
You despise me, and with your hatred Despise you? We have no relationship whatsoever.
For the plan to work, you really need to hate me.
Yeah, I can't hear him anymore.
- What now? - Oh, shit.
Sorry! - Just hit reset! - It's way more complicated - Just restart the board.
- Okay, okay, fine! All I had to do was restart it! Ahh, nice one, Rey.
You really are the chosen one.
Can I start again, please? - Yes.
- I ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Good job killing your grandpa, Rey.
The queen will lay her eggs in a dark cave, the egg will wait for an unsuspecting lifeform to happen upon it.
Then it'll hatch and a face hugger will mount the other lifeform's face and impregnate it.
That's what's up.
I don't know what's so funny.
You all came from face huggers.
Teach, I didn't hug some dude's face to get here.
I've always been Chad! - Yeah, go Chad! - Fist bump! After impregnation, the fetus will develop in the host's body.
This is a baby being born.
This is our life cycle, and you need to know it.
Why do you care if we do well in school? - I'm Chad! - Because I used to be just like you.
No way.
That would mean you were once cool.
Oh, let me guess, gang, you think it's cool to jump on spaceships and kill everyone on board? Keep heading down that path.
You might wind up getting trapped in an airlock and pushed into outer space.
Does that sound cool? Now pay attention! Have you heard about the secret menu here at In-N-Out? They have a secret menu? Yeah, I'll show you.
Hey, fidelio.
You know, I'm good with the regular menu.
Just a little off the top.
Thanks.
Okay, What's Her Face dolls, it's your day and we can be anything we want.
So let's put on our faces! I feel so glam! - I look super hip! - I'm so cool! Hey, where's Sweet? She put on a sexy face and went out.
Last night.
Sorry I'm late.
Guess I overslept.
Where, in a frat house? Look, if I want to dress up and willingly have sex with a bunch of brain-dead bros, that's my choice, and Oh, no, my face! Oh, permanent ink?! [Bleep.]
[Bleep.]
re-farted dipshits! Yo, did you just say "re-farted"? And I thought I was the hip one.
You were laughing.
Oh, yeah! I want to [bleep.]
my mother! We're lost in the forest, skipping, skipping Yes, that's it, my pretties.
Come have a taste of my candy confections so I can have a taste of you.
Look at all the candy! Aw, too bad we are doing Whole 30s this month.
Oh, you're right.
Skipping away into the day I should really move out of California.
I have all the keys, Sora.
All but yours.
Hand it over so I can get this Kingdom Hearts party started.
I faced too much loss and too many convoluted gameplay rules, Xehanort.
You want my Keyblade, take it from my cold dead hands.
Uh, that's not how key parties work.
- Gorsh, he's right, Sora.
- What is this key party? Perhaps I can explain.
Hey, it's Sigourney Weaver from "The Ice Storm.
" - Hubba-hubba! - Gorsh! You might be wondering why I'm here.
"The Ice Storm" was produced by Fox Searchlight Pictures.
Which was acquired by Disney, so now it's canon! What? I read the trades.
Which makes her an official Disney princess.
Exactly.
So at a key party, everyone puts their keys into a bowl.
You draw a key at random and then go to Pound Town with whoever that particular key belongs to.
Uh We're gonna have an orgy! Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! Uh, guys, this feels inappropriate.
Sora, you've been in this game for 20 years.
That makes you, like, 34.
I'm the sexless face of a corporate monolith, and I still get laid more than you.
Ooh, that feels good.
I got Sora! Let's see if you can seal my keyhole, big boy.
Ooh, suck these udders, Sora.
This game might be the living embodiment of hell.
Ooh! Come on, Don man, wag that tail.
Boy, oh, boy.
Less talking, more beaking, you imbecile! I need the big-screen TV.
HBO is airing the Snyder Snyder cut the re-edit of Zack Snyder's "Justice League" sponsored by Snyder's Pretzels! It's Thursday, sweetie.
That's my Bravo night.
I need my "Housewives" time so I don't go insane and try to Munchausen by proxy you more than I already am.
Uh, what was that last part? Nothing! Okay, take your pills.
You can have your TV back in an hour.
- These are my superheroes.
- Fine.
You've equated it with a pop culture term I can identify with, so I suppose I can wait.
You know, if the people on Bravo were like superheroes, that would be so so cool.
Aah! What? Leave my husband out of this! I will bash your skull in with my "Dancing with the Stars" - participation trophy! - Oh, my God.
It's Lisa Rinna from David Hasselhoff's long lost "Nick Fury" movie! I must have gotten transported into the Bravo-verse.
Captain Carmen Ibanez from Starship Troopers! It's Denise.
We all got to pay the bills somehow, kid.
Try having an ex-husband who spends his alimony on bacon-wrapped meth and tiger blood.
Now, if you'll excuse me, incoming! Aah! Thank you, mysterious cloaked figure.
Andy Cohen, host of "All Things Bravo"? Come with me if you want to watch what happens live! Here we go! You have a multiverse transporter? You need one to travel from franchise to franchise.
What started out as a small show about a bunch of rich women with nothing to do but drink rose and fight has turned into an intricate, action-packed multi-series universe of characters far beyond my control! Wow, "Real Housewives" is just like Marvel.
We should be safe here in the New York-verse for now.
- Aah! - Andy! The only thing that is fake about me is this leg, bitch.
What about your fake apologies?! Raah! - Leg lock! - Your other leg is fake, too? I always keep a spare handy in case someone tries to stab me in the back.
Let's settle this so I can finish my Pinot Grigio! - Let's go! - But I got to see who wins.
These women will fight and insufficiently apologize to each other for all eternity.
Whoa! You have no idea what it's like! What the heck was that? Oh, no, we ended up in Orange County, where it all began.
That's Vicki Gunvalson, the O.
G.
of "The O.
C.
" Her ego's gotten too great and now we're doomed! And let me guess, now she's trying to destroy the very institution she helped begin.
- Whoa, how did you know? - Classic hero-to-villain backstory.
It's just like in "Green Lantern" Volume 3, Issue 48 when Hal Jordan becomes Parallax, - but with more Juicy Couture.
- That's my opinion.
It's her ex-best friend Tamra Judge, who used to be the voice of reason, but has morphed into a Bible-beating, gym-owning monster.
- Tentacle attack! - Watch out.
Aah! Andy, no! And I was just getting into the lore of the Bravo-verse.
What can I do? Go to BravoCon! There's a convention? Oh, my God, oh, my God! How have I been missing out on this fandom? Honey! You can have the TV now.
- Forget that.
What's on Bravo? - "Vanderpump Rules.
" It's a show about a group of servers engaging in endless battle between each other and their own egos! You mean Lisa Vanderpump's "Justice League"? Say no more.
I'm in.
- Don't get too close to the water.
- Why not? - My arm! - That's why.
Ha! Ha! - Huaahh-ha! - Hi-ya! Airbending! - Ha! Ha! - Hi-ya! Watch me bend the air.
Ha! Ha! - My cabbages! - Whoops, sorry, cabbage man.
This happens every damn day! Whew! See you later! Bending air! Ow, my head! You mean Bending air! Oof! - What the heck? - Cabbage force field! Too long I have allowed you and your foes to tarnish the humble cabbage empire.
No more! Cabbage bending! I guess I deserve this.
Thank you, cabbage man! I'm finally able to capture Aang and hand him over to my father in exchange for his love.
Don't think you're off the hook! I hope you like your vegetables sautéed! Cabbage throw! Cabbage throw! Oof! Finally, time for the Cabatar to rise! Long have I waited for my grandchild to come home.
Your grandchild? Technically, the daughter of my own clone.
A perfect replica of me, except nothing like me in any way.
Think he worked at a shoe store.
Anyway, you got lost in the desert for 20 years and somehow got trained by Luke Skywalker.
- All part of my plan.
- Sounds like you were winging it.
I think you'll find I leave nothing to chance.
Ahh! Are you okay? Not to worry.
Also part of the plan.
What was I saying? Ah, yes.
That's when I buried 10,000 Star Destroyers under the ice.
Who built them? Better yet, who will fly them? Ice zombies? That's when we started mass-producing ice zombies who staffed the ice zombie machines.
That's for another trilogy.
I was also Snoke.
Ahh! Is there someone we can talk to about turning that thing off? There was a system upgrade.
They told me it would be fine! Now, back to the plan.
You despise me, and with your hatred Despise you? We have no relationship whatsoever.
For the plan to work, you really need to hate me.
Yeah, I can't hear him anymore.
- What now? - Oh, shit.
Sorry! - Just hit reset! - It's way more complicated - Just restart the board.
- Okay, okay, fine! All I had to do was restart it! Ahh, nice one, Rey.
You really are the chosen one.
Can I start again, please? - Yes.
- I ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Good job killing your grandpa, Rey.
The queen will lay her eggs in a dark cave, the egg will wait for an unsuspecting lifeform to happen upon it.
Then it'll hatch and a face hugger will mount the other lifeform's face and impregnate it.
That's what's up.
I don't know what's so funny.
You all came from face huggers.
Teach, I didn't hug some dude's face to get here.
I've always been Chad! - Yeah, go Chad! - Fist bump! After impregnation, the fetus will develop in the host's body.
This is a baby being born.
This is our life cycle, and you need to know it.
Why do you care if we do well in school? - I'm Chad! - Because I used to be just like you.
No way.
That would mean you were once cool.
Oh, let me guess, gang, you think it's cool to jump on spaceships and kill everyone on board? Keep heading down that path.
You might wind up getting trapped in an airlock and pushed into outer space.
Does that sound cool? Now pay attention! Have you heard about the secret menu here at In-N-Out? They have a secret menu? Yeah, I'll show you.
Hey, fidelio.
You know, I'm good with the regular menu.
Just a little off the top.
Thanks.
Okay, What's Her Face dolls, it's your day and we can be anything we want.
So let's put on our faces! I feel so glam! - I look super hip! - I'm so cool! Hey, where's Sweet? She put on a sexy face and went out.
Last night.
Sorry I'm late.
Guess I overslept.
Where, in a frat house? Look, if I want to dress up and willingly have sex with a bunch of brain-dead bros, that's my choice, and Oh, no, my face! Oh, permanent ink?! [Bleep.]
[Bleep.]
re-farted dipshits! Yo, did you just say "re-farted"? And I thought I was the hip one.
You were laughing.
Oh, yeah! I want to [bleep.]
my mother! We're lost in the forest, skipping, skipping Yes, that's it, my pretties.
Come have a taste of my candy confections so I can have a taste of you.
Look at all the candy! Aw, too bad we are doing Whole 30s this month.
Oh, you're right.
Skipping away into the day I should really move out of California.
I have all the keys, Sora.
All but yours.
Hand it over so I can get this Kingdom Hearts party started.
I faced too much loss and too many convoluted gameplay rules, Xehanort.
You want my Keyblade, take it from my cold dead hands.
Uh, that's not how key parties work.
- Gorsh, he's right, Sora.
- What is this key party? Perhaps I can explain.
Hey, it's Sigourney Weaver from "The Ice Storm.
" - Hubba-hubba! - Gorsh! You might be wondering why I'm here.
"The Ice Storm" was produced by Fox Searchlight Pictures.
Which was acquired by Disney, so now it's canon! What? I read the trades.
Which makes her an official Disney princess.
Exactly.
So at a key party, everyone puts their keys into a bowl.
You draw a key at random and then go to Pound Town with whoever that particular key belongs to.
Uh We're gonna have an orgy! Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! Uh, guys, this feels inappropriate.
Sora, you've been in this game for 20 years.
That makes you, like, 34.
I'm the sexless face of a corporate monolith, and I still get laid more than you.
Ooh, that feels good.
I got Sora! Let's see if you can seal my keyhole, big boy.
Ooh, suck these udders, Sora.
This game might be the living embodiment of hell.
Ooh! Come on, Don man, wag that tail.
Boy, oh, boy.
Less talking, more beaking, you imbecile! I need the big-screen TV.
HBO is airing the Snyder Snyder cut the re-edit of Zack Snyder's "Justice League" sponsored by Snyder's Pretzels! It's Thursday, sweetie.
That's my Bravo night.
I need my "Housewives" time so I don't go insane and try to Munchausen by proxy you more than I already am.
Uh, what was that last part? Nothing! Okay, take your pills.
You can have your TV back in an hour.
- These are my superheroes.
- Fine.
You've equated it with a pop culture term I can identify with, so I suppose I can wait.
You know, if the people on Bravo were like superheroes, that would be so so cool.
Aah! What? Leave my husband out of this! I will bash your skull in with my "Dancing with the Stars" - participation trophy! - Oh, my God.
It's Lisa Rinna from David Hasselhoff's long lost "Nick Fury" movie! I must have gotten transported into the Bravo-verse.
Captain Carmen Ibanez from Starship Troopers! It's Denise.
We all got to pay the bills somehow, kid.
Try having an ex-husband who spends his alimony on bacon-wrapped meth and tiger blood.
Now, if you'll excuse me, incoming! Aah! Thank you, mysterious cloaked figure.
Andy Cohen, host of "All Things Bravo"? Come with me if you want to watch what happens live! Here we go! You have a multiverse transporter? You need one to travel from franchise to franchise.
What started out as a small show about a bunch of rich women with nothing to do but drink rose and fight has turned into an intricate, action-packed multi-series universe of characters far beyond my control! Wow, "Real Housewives" is just like Marvel.
We should be safe here in the New York-verse for now.
- Aah! - Andy! The only thing that is fake about me is this leg, bitch.
What about your fake apologies?! Raah! - Leg lock! - Your other leg is fake, too? I always keep a spare handy in case someone tries to stab me in the back.
Let's settle this so I can finish my Pinot Grigio! - Let's go! - But I got to see who wins.
These women will fight and insufficiently apologize to each other for all eternity.
Whoa! You have no idea what it's like! What the heck was that? Oh, no, we ended up in Orange County, where it all began.
That's Vicki Gunvalson, the O.
G.
of "The O.
C.
" Her ego's gotten too great and now we're doomed! And let me guess, now she's trying to destroy the very institution she helped begin.
- Whoa, how did you know? - Classic hero-to-villain backstory.
It's just like in "Green Lantern" Volume 3, Issue 48 when Hal Jordan becomes Parallax, - but with more Juicy Couture.
- That's my opinion.
It's her ex-best friend Tamra Judge, who used to be the voice of reason, but has morphed into a Bible-beating, gym-owning monster.
- Tentacle attack! - Watch out.
Aah! Andy, no! And I was just getting into the lore of the Bravo-verse.
What can I do? Go to BravoCon! There's a convention? Oh, my God, oh, my God! How have I been missing out on this fandom? Honey! You can have the TV now.
- Forget that.
What's on Bravo? - "Vanderpump Rules.
" It's a show about a group of servers engaging in endless battle between each other and their own egos! You mean Lisa Vanderpump's "Justice League"? Say no more.
I'm in.