So Random! (2011) s01e08 Episode Script

Mindless Behavior

Aw.
Are you a tween who's upset you have to spend the next five years lookin' like you do? You don't know what it's like to have to be me! No one understands.
- Honey, are you all right? - Don't look at me! I'm a hideous brace-faced zit queen! I wish there was something I could do to help my daughter through her gawky teenage years.
There is Thanks to awkward years cocoons.
Using revolutionary insect technology, your kids can cocoon themselves from the years that make teens and parents miserable.
Why am I sweating all the time? Why does my voice sound this way? Why does everything you do annoy me?! Three easy steps Then on your child's 18th birthday, hold your nose, unzip the cocoon, and remove your now fully-grown far-less-awkward child.
My zits are gone! And my braces are off! Ooh, and I've already got 10 dates.
I love you, mom! Whoa! Whoa! Dad, I'm sorry for the way I treated you.
I was young, angry, squeaky-voiced and sweaty.
Now I'm 18, calm, manly-voiced and have appropriate sweating.
Oh, dad, I love you.
- I love you too, son.
- Put 'er there.
- Put 'er there.
- Put 'er there.
Awkward years cocoons you'll love 'em.
And I'm not just the spokesperson.
I'm the miserable parent of a miserable kid.
- Right, honey? - I hate you.
Whuup.
This is for our own good.
Dad, I think you overwatered.
Results may vary.
- "so random!" - It's a party, get down "so random!" It's a party, get down shake that, shake that all around a fantastic journey, a little bit of this and that you know we gonna chill, might not come back so if you're ready, get set 'cause it's time to roll with "so random!" Stuff that's out of control surprises flying 'cause life's a riot so ride with us 'cause you need to try it we're on the way, it's time to hang so let's get random and do our thing come on - it's a party, get down "so random!" It's a party, get down "so random!" It's a party, get down shake that, shake that all around "so random!" Oh, you're not gonna believe this.
But the cast of "so random" isn't coming.
Uh, yeah.
Uh, why aren't they coming? Ohh, you're not gonna believe this, but they got stuck in traffic.
So they asked me to start the show.
Yeah, but we just saw them in the first sketch.
Ohh, you're not gonna believe this, but the traffic and the opening of the show was backed up for miles because of the camel crossing.
Look Camel crossing? When are the randoms getting here? Ohhh, you're not gonna believe this.
The randoms aren't coming, but the camels are.
Yeah.
Yeah! Give it up for the cast of "so random!" Uh, we've got a great show for you tonight.
Mindless Behavior is here, so stick around.
Get set 'cause it's time to roll with "so random!" Stuff that's out of control surprises flying 'cause life's a riot so ride with us 'cause you need to Hey.
We We got a great show for you tonight? Ohhhh, you're not gonna believe this, but I already did the show open.
- Rufus! - Get him! - Rufus! - Get him! He once got called in to the principal's office so the principal could paint his portrait.
Astronauts consider him their hero.
He sharpens his pencil with his wit.
He is The coolest kid in school.
I don't always drink juice boxes, but when I do I prefer 'lil dinosaur fruit punch.
Stay in school, my friends.
Shake that, shake that all around.
Top of the mornin' to ya.
Settle into your seats.
I'm your substitute teacher Mr.
mcnamara.
And just because your math teacher's not here doesn't mean there can't be a teeny bit o' learnin'.
Let's jump right in.
What's one-hundred-twenty times two? Uh, that's first-grade math.
Then you should know it then, shouldn't ya? It's simple as corned beef and cabbage.
Let's say I'm one-twenty.
And I'm one-twenty.
What am I? Two-farty.
I'm two-farty.
Did did he just say he was too farty? Well, golly O'Malley.
If it's not a bother, can you hooligans pay attention to me being two-farty up here? Maybe we should move on to the next math problem, Mr.
mcnamara.
Don't tell me how to do my job, you baby.
How old are you? Farteen? I'm farty! Farteen.
Farty! Farteen.
Farty! Farteen.
F-f-f-f-farty! Um, we actually know very little about your native Europe.
Can we ask you some questions? If you must, but be quick.
I'm only here for another farty minutes and farty seconds.
Where do you fly into when you go to Germany? Frankfart.
What's that british term for "two weeks"? A fartnight.
And be warned: I plan on being here a good long fartnight with all of you.
But enough dozying.
We're moving on to work.
Ooh hoo! It's colder than a potato in winter in here.
All right, class, who turned the thermostat all the way down to farty? Class, who in here made it farty? Uh, I think you did.
Note-passing in my class! - Oh no, don't.
Give it back, that's mine.
- That's personal.
You should've thought about that before passing it.
I'm just going to read it aloud.
"Mr.
mcnamara is a man of farty" who lives in apartment two-farty.
He wakes up after farty winks at far-farty a.
m.
Leaving the comfart of his home, he drives farty miles to get to the grocery store where he buys farty pounds of roquefart cheese which he eats on his way to fart knox, where he makes an effart to fartify the unfartunate fartress.
"He does this for farty days and farty nights.
" That's it! I've taught at over farty schools! And you're by far the worst! I Pardon me, I forted.
Oh, now I get it.
You all thought I was talkin' about passin' gas.
Detention for all of you.
I'm fine with that, yeah.
Coming up next on "so random" It's bring-your-daughter- to-work day.
- Open up! - Ahh! - Mom loves me more - Shut up, shut up - shut up, shut up.
- Mom loves me more girl, my girl, she loves me she hit me all the time my phone be ringing off the hook.
"So random.
" The week he was hall monitor crime dropped 47% In Chicago.
He has never once been unable to find Waldo.
During the pledge of allegiance Everyone faces him.
He is The coolest kid in school.
I don't always eat candy bears.
But when I do, I prefer gammy nammy's gummy nummies.
Stay in school, my friends.
Jackson 5, hanson, the Jonas brothers All sibling bands.
And all about to be forever eclipsed by the newest brother band that's topping the charts.
Yes, it's the platowski brothers.
- Mom loves me more - Shut up, shut up - yeah, mom loves me more - Shut up, shut up.
All right, it's on.
- Oh, it's on now? It's on? Bring it.
- Fury! "Rolling stone" says And they've got a whole new album with songs that speak to their mutual hatred of one another.
You're dumber than dirt, you're a real spoiled brat huh, I'm dating your feel about that? You - you're dumber than dirt - You're gonna get punched.
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna get punched.
This guy's funny.
- Yeah, am I? - Yeah, he's gonna punch me.
Oh! He's just really dumb.
I'm sorry about that.
Yes, not since Cain and Abel have two brothers hated each other more.
But the platowski brothers turn that hatred into song, songs like "stop copying everything I say.
" Stop copying everything I say everything I say no, I'm serious, stop repeating me no, I'm serious, stop repeating me hey, I mean it! You're not being funny! Hey, I mean it! You're not being funny! - I'm telling dad - Telling dad - dwayne is a nerd - Dwayne is a nerd.
Ha! You just said you were a nerd.
Nerd.
Yes, the platowski brothers.
Turning their soul-crushing loathing into music.
And with their new album, sibling rivalry never sounded so good.
With songs like And their soulful ballad "I just love staring at you.
" And you know that it's true i just love staring at you.
- Yeah.
- Dude, you're so cute.
- Stop staring at me, man.
- You stop staring at me.
- You stared at me first! - Mom, he's staring at me! So buy the platowski brothers' new album today and experience the music that could only come from two brothers who can't stand the sight of each other.
Stop staring at me! Their hatred may last forever, but these cds won't, available wherever they still sell cds.
Coming soon to a theater near you My husband, well, he's required to speak publicly, but he has a speech problem.
Perhaps he should change jobs.
And what if my husband were a cartoon pig? Nice to meet Nice to Hi.
Tell me about yourself.
What was your earliest cartoon? My husband is not here to discuss personal matters.
Then why are you here? 'Cause I have a a speech impedi I talk funny.
A pig with a dream Yours will be the voice that ends hundreds of cartoons with "that's all, folks.
" That's all That's not happening! A teacher whose methods were controversial I'm a pig in a blank I'm a a pig in a blanket.
Come on then.
Put 'em up.
And unorthodox.
I've got your tail.
What are you going to do about it? How is this helping? Sometimes, it takes a little push for a swine to shine.
Forget everyone else.
Just say it to me.
That's all, folks! Oh, goodness.
Oh, that was splendid, but we were looking for a pig who could stutter.
Next! Coming soon.
Peech" are you kidding me? "So random.
" There he is our newest patient.
Benjamin Ellis.
Hi, Dr.
Goldstein.
I'm really nervous.
Now now, there's no need to be.
Hi hi! I'm a pretty ballerina.
Hee hee! This is my daughter marnie.
It's bring-your-daughter- to-work day.
- Oh hi, marn.
- Open up! - Ahh! Ahh ah! - Marnie, did you wash your hands after you went potty? No.
You know what? I'm gonna come back on another day.
- Okay? - Yahh! Let's drill! That's his tongue.
- Ahhh! - That's his lip.
Ahhh! Stop stop stop! She's not a dentist.
Oh, marnie, don't listen to him.
You can be anything you wanna be.
I wanna be a pretty ballerina.
Hee hee! Yeah, let her be a pretty ballerina.
No! If I can't dance the ballet, then she can't either.
Little ballerinas shouldn't be forced to be dentists.
My name is Lashonda Shondalay.
And at the Lashonda Shondalay ballet academy, - we accept everyone.
- Everyone? Everyone.
So join today! What? Wait.
What?! Wait wait.
Is this a commercial for a ballet studio? What? Are you kidding me? I'm in pain here.
Were you just injured in a commercial you didn't realize you were in? Yes, it just happened! You need to call me, Attorney Sam Herman.
I'll get you the justice and the money you deserve.
Wait.
Is this a different commercial? When better lawyers say no, Sam Herman says, "if I were a better lawyer I'd say no," so yes.
Have been brought to you by Are you kidding me? Another commercial?! This freak-out - stop it! Red by this "stop it" is sponsored by More "random" fun is coming right up.
Stick around.
He is The coolest kid in school.
"So random!" On school picture day, other kids' parents ask for wallet-size pictures of him.
During fire drills, women and children let him go first.
He once gave a chicken coolest-kid pox.
He is The coolest kid in school.
I don't always make wee-wee in my pants, but when I do, I prefer Captain tinkle's extra-absorbant tighty-whities.
Stay in school, my friends.
You guys having fun? Yeah.
Ha ha ha! - You guys ready to dance? - Whoo! I know I am.
Everybody get on your feet and give it up for Mindless Behavior.
We text each other a lot.
Hey, my girl, my girl, she loves me she hit me all the time, she be textin' me hey, my girl, my girl, she loves me - she hit me all the time - Yo, prod, let 'em know.
Then I say "hey," then you say "what's up?" And I'll be like, "baby, do you miss me?" And you say "yes," then I say "ditto" then you can hit me back with the less-than symbol, number three i got a clue how you feel for me 1-4-3, a smiley wit' a wink that's how you feel, baby, that's what's up 140 characters is more than enough hey, my girl, my girl, she loves me i know I'm on her mind even when we don't speak see my girl, my girl, she loves me she hit me all the time my phone be ringing off the hook like Yeah she hit me all the time my phone be ringing off the Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey She text me after school, she do it like it's homework up in the salon, she do it like it's homework my girl's in love, I think I'm love i wonder what she's texting now Oh, let me get it, prod.
Me and my girlfriend, we go out every weekend we just two lovebirds, that's why we always tweetin' i tell her all my secrets she tell me all of hers when we get off the phone she say, "no, you hang up first" my girl is my universe i am so in love with her all the money in the world couldn't even compare to what my shorty's worth they call me double r from Mindless Behavior oh, it's my girl callin', I'll holla at you later my girl, she loves me i know I'm on her mind when we don't speak my girl, my girl, she loves me she hit me all the time my phone be ringing off the hook.
Don't forget to text me, girl.
M.
B.
, y'all.
Give it up for the cast of "so random.
" Ohhhhhh, you're not gonna believe this, but the randoms went home and they asked me to sing the theme song.
- Ahem.
Mi mi - Rufus.
- We didn't go home.
- And nobody wants to hear you sing.
Yeah, I think it's time for you to just go ahead and, you know, get off the stage.
Ohhhhhh, you're not gonna believe this.
I just developed a rare condition called reverse stage fright and I'm terrified to be offstage.
Ahhh.
So I can't move.
Look.
You know, that's okay.
You can just stand right there.
Yeah, right there.
- Don't move.
- Good night, everybody.
"So random!" Get dowarty, "so random!" It's a party, get down shake that, shake that all around a fantastic journey, and thait of this you know we gonna chill, might not come back so if you're ready, to rolcause it's time with "so random!" Stuff that's out of control surprises flying 'cause life's a riot so ride with us 'cause you need to try it we're on the way, it's time to hang so let's get random and do our thing.