Steven Universe (2013) s01e21 Episode Script
Joking Victim
All: # We are the Crystal Gems # we'll always save the day Steven: # and if you think we can't # All: # we'll always find a way # - # that's why the people # - # of this world # - Garnet: # believe in # - # Garnet # - # Amethyst # - # and Pearl # And Steven! 1x21 - "Joking Victim" [seagull cries.]
Amethyst: Hey, Steven! Do you want to try some special, - new french fries? - Steven: Do I?! [chomps.]
[chuckling.]
[Steven chuckling.]
[Amethyst laughing.]
- Steven: H-o-o-o-o-o-t! - Amethyst: They're "special" because they're seasoned with fire salt! [screaming.]
[gulps.]
Steven, what are you Aah! Ow! Steven: [slurring.]
Sowwy, Lars.
Ugh.
Steven, who do you think has to clean up this mess? - Sadie, clean up this mess.
- No way! It's your turn! - I cleaned the last five Stevens! - Aw, come on! That fall messed up my back! It hurts really bad.
Fine.
Move aside.
I'll take care of this.
Can you grab the soap? Ohh! It hurts so much! Maybe you should take the day off.
- Okay! You gonna be fine on your own? - Well, I guess so, but - You're the best, player 2! - Aww.
[door dings.]
- Uh, I can't run this place by myself! - Steven: I could help! This place has given me so many delicious donuts.
- It's time I gave back.
- I hereby deputize you as "Lars for the day.
" - Now, it's time I showed you the employee room.
- Steven: Whoa.
This is the most magical place I've ever seen! Let me give you the tour.
These are the extra supplies, cups, plastic silverware.
Sometimes I sleep on the napkins - when I get tired.
- Steven: Is that why they're called nap-kins? Not really, no.
Good joke, though.
On breaks, we chill out here.
We can even watch tv! Sometimes, Lars will cover for me so I can watch "canine court.
" And now, most important of all, this is where we store the donuts.
They're mailed in from some corporate bake-station.
- Steven: You mean you don't make them here? - No, not since the accident.
Now, Steven, this job is a big responsibility, so you're gonna - have to watch this videotape.
- Steven: What is it? It's like a dvd shaped like a box, and it'll tell you everything you need to know.
[retro pop music playing.]
Steven: Mr.
Smiley used to work here? No, but he used to be an actor/R&B singer.
Donuts at the big donut they make the world go round, A treat when you are down Donuts Wow! at the big donut Bam! dunk them in coffee or tea, napkins are always free now, if a customer chokes on a donut that ain't right.
state law requires that you assist them help 'em out, now.
take both hands, push below the diaphragm get them happy and breathing as fast as you can That's the law.
in the event of a fire don't panic.
Stay calm.
there is a fire extinguisher against the back wall there is a 6% sales tax on edible goods 'cause tax exemption is for non-prepared foods in coffee or tea, napkins are always free [echoing.]
# free, free # Steven: That was great! Are all videotapes that informative? In my experience, yeah.
It started out as just a summer job, but that was two summers ago.
Hmm.
I'll have a [gasps.]
- # Donuts, at the big donut # - Hey! Both: # they make the world go round # [chuckles.]
Steven: Wow.
I can't believe you used - to be a real actor/R&B singer.
- "Used to be"? - [mumbling.]
Kids, they don't know anything.
- Wow, I'm impressed! [door dings.]
Last time someone mentioned that song, we couldn't get Mr.
Smiley to go home.
Steven: # to perk up, you gotta percolate # a hot cup of coffee makes the perfect date [chuckling.]
Aww, thanks! Maybe I should phone up Lars, tell him he can stay home 'cause I found his replacement! [laughs.]
- Steven: Really?! - Oh.
No, th-that was a joke.
Steven: I know we both love Lars but this job is the best thing that's ever happened to - me, and we should fire Lars.
- We can't "fire Lars.
" [sighs.]
- Why not? - Well, you know, I mean, he may do things like come in late and leave all the really hard work for me, but look, I like Lars! He he's a nice guy Once you get to know him.
[chuckles.]
There was this one time the new "army of war" game was coming out.
But Lars was banned from the only place selling it.
[laughs.]
He wanted it so bad! So who does he beg to stand in line for seven hours? Me! [chuckles.]
I didn't think much of it.
When I got to his house, I saw he cleaned up his room a little, and he got a big box of oyster crackers.
They're my favorite.
[chuckles.]
He let me be his "player 2," and - we spent the whole night together.
- Steven: That really is nice.
- Must've been one great video game! - Yeah, it was.
Steven: Maybe we could do something nice for Lars.
Donuts, d-d-donuts donuts, donuts, donuts, donuts, donuts, donuts I-I thought you wanted this to be a surprise! - He would hear us a mile away! - Steven: But the donut fever's fried my soul! Aah! [laughs.]
Huh? Aw, he already ordered pizza! [laughing.]
[laughter.]
Both: Huh? - Do a flip! - Oh, yeah! [panting.]
Hey, Lars, thanks for inviting us over.
It's no problem [laughs.]
'cause I got the whole day off by faking a severe back injury! [Laughter.]
Steven: Ugh! He was faking this whole Uh, don't worry! We can handle the big donut! Who needs crummy, old Lars? [crying.]
Steven, he's made a fool of me! Idiot! [crying.]
He's burned me before.
Just once, I'd like to burn him back! Steven: I know how to burn people! Wait right here.
Actually, this might take a while.
You'd better go home.
See you tomorrow at wo-o-o-rk! [dog panting.]
[dogs barking.]
- Steven: Fire salt! - Huh? Steven: Burn! Burn people! You know we can't add anything to the donuts! Steven: It's just a little fire salt.
I was going to prank Lars.
He did really hurt my feelings a little.
But what kind of person does that make you if you try to hurt him back? Steven: A hero? [door dings.]
[groaning.]
My back! Sadie, I finally got out of bed, but I don't think I can work today either.
Sadie, don't make me walk all the way to the break room! [hissing.]
Steven: Sadie This is gonna be so funny! Yo, Sadie, where you at? Are you slacking off? - [monotone.]
Lars.
- Steven: Hi, Lars! - Why is Steven in a donut suit? - Don't worry about that.
- How's your back? - Uh, actually, it still hurts like - Really.
- No, no, it's cool.
I know I can - count on you to help, "P" 2.
- Sure.
Just relax.
In fact - Why don't you have a donut? [sizzling.]
- Yeah, all right.
Careful.
It's a little hot.
[snickering.]
Hey, this is pretty good.
This a new flavor or something? [laughing.]
She said she said it's hot! [rumble!.]
[screaming.]
- Steven, help Lars! - Steven: Uh, Lars, drink this! [whistle!.]
- Aah! [groans.]
- No! Lars, come back! [smoke alarm beeping.]
- Steven, I didn't want this! - Steven: I know how to fix this! We just need to get Lars to calm down.
- How are we gonna find him?! - Aah! Steven: I think he went this way! And of the many treasures in our wonderful city, this is certainly one of the sweetest.
As mayor, I'm proud to unveil this the largest bowl of ice cream in Beach County! [crowd gasping.]
Yes, let's all scream for ice cream.
Aah! [splat.]
[muffled screaming.]
[crowd gasps.]
[continues screaming.]
Yeah.
It melted, Gary! Well, you should have said that at the meeting! [screaming.]
- Steven: Amethyst! - Amethyst: Hey, why's donut guy breathing fire? Steven: I tried to prank Lars, but I used too much fire salt! Amethyst: Steven That's hilarious.
You did this to me? [yelling.]
[laughing.]
[flames roaring.]
It wasn't Steven! - It was me.
- Amethyst: Oh, now it's gettin' good! [Steven panting.]
After all I do for you, you lie to me so you can sneak off - with some other girl?! - Steven: And other boys! [gasps, whimpers.]
[crying.]
That night we played video games, I don't know what it meant to you, but ever since then, I can't get the thought out of my head that you're a good person.
That night I really thought "player 2" is that just your way of saying I could - have been anyone? - Sadi [coughing.]
Steven: # if a customer chokes on a donut # state law requires that you assist them take both hands, push below the diaphragm [retches.]
Steven: Another day saved by Steven Universe, with the bonus musical stylings of Harold Smiley.
You're welcome! - I'm not apologizing.
- Uh, no! [wheezes.]
I want to help! - But I get it if you want to be alone.
- Oh, no, no, no! Stay.
I-I mean, you can help.
But first, let's get you some water, and maybe get you out of those burnt shirts.
Amethyst: Hey, we make a pretty great team.
[chomping.]
Steven: You were absolutely no help whatsoever.
Amethyst: Eh.
Amethyst: Hey, Steven! Do you want to try some special, - new french fries? - Steven: Do I?! [chomps.]
[chuckling.]
[Steven chuckling.]
[Amethyst laughing.]
- Steven: H-o-o-o-o-o-t! - Amethyst: They're "special" because they're seasoned with fire salt! [screaming.]
[gulps.]
Steven, what are you Aah! Ow! Steven: [slurring.]
Sowwy, Lars.
Ugh.
Steven, who do you think has to clean up this mess? - Sadie, clean up this mess.
- No way! It's your turn! - I cleaned the last five Stevens! - Aw, come on! That fall messed up my back! It hurts really bad.
Fine.
Move aside.
I'll take care of this.
Can you grab the soap? Ohh! It hurts so much! Maybe you should take the day off.
- Okay! You gonna be fine on your own? - Well, I guess so, but - You're the best, player 2! - Aww.
[door dings.]
- Uh, I can't run this place by myself! - Steven: I could help! This place has given me so many delicious donuts.
- It's time I gave back.
- I hereby deputize you as "Lars for the day.
" - Now, it's time I showed you the employee room.
- Steven: Whoa.
This is the most magical place I've ever seen! Let me give you the tour.
These are the extra supplies, cups, plastic silverware.
Sometimes I sleep on the napkins - when I get tired.
- Steven: Is that why they're called nap-kins? Not really, no.
Good joke, though.
On breaks, we chill out here.
We can even watch tv! Sometimes, Lars will cover for me so I can watch "canine court.
" And now, most important of all, this is where we store the donuts.
They're mailed in from some corporate bake-station.
- Steven: You mean you don't make them here? - No, not since the accident.
Now, Steven, this job is a big responsibility, so you're gonna - have to watch this videotape.
- Steven: What is it? It's like a dvd shaped like a box, and it'll tell you everything you need to know.
[retro pop music playing.]
Steven: Mr.
Smiley used to work here? No, but he used to be an actor/R&B singer.
Donuts at the big donut they make the world go round, A treat when you are down Donuts Wow! at the big donut Bam! dunk them in coffee or tea, napkins are always free now, if a customer chokes on a donut that ain't right.
state law requires that you assist them help 'em out, now.
take both hands, push below the diaphragm get them happy and breathing as fast as you can That's the law.
in the event of a fire don't panic.
Stay calm.
there is a fire extinguisher against the back wall there is a 6% sales tax on edible goods 'cause tax exemption is for non-prepared foods in coffee or tea, napkins are always free [echoing.]
# free, free # Steven: That was great! Are all videotapes that informative? In my experience, yeah.
It started out as just a summer job, but that was two summers ago.
Hmm.
I'll have a [gasps.]
- # Donuts, at the big donut # - Hey! Both: # they make the world go round # [chuckles.]
Steven: Wow.
I can't believe you used - to be a real actor/R&B singer.
- "Used to be"? - [mumbling.]
Kids, they don't know anything.
- Wow, I'm impressed! [door dings.]
Last time someone mentioned that song, we couldn't get Mr.
Smiley to go home.
Steven: # to perk up, you gotta percolate # a hot cup of coffee makes the perfect date [chuckling.]
Aww, thanks! Maybe I should phone up Lars, tell him he can stay home 'cause I found his replacement! [laughs.]
- Steven: Really?! - Oh.
No, th-that was a joke.
Steven: I know we both love Lars but this job is the best thing that's ever happened to - me, and we should fire Lars.
- We can't "fire Lars.
" [sighs.]
- Why not? - Well, you know, I mean, he may do things like come in late and leave all the really hard work for me, but look, I like Lars! He he's a nice guy Once you get to know him.
[chuckles.]
There was this one time the new "army of war" game was coming out.
But Lars was banned from the only place selling it.
[laughs.]
He wanted it so bad! So who does he beg to stand in line for seven hours? Me! [chuckles.]
I didn't think much of it.
When I got to his house, I saw he cleaned up his room a little, and he got a big box of oyster crackers.
They're my favorite.
[chuckles.]
He let me be his "player 2," and - we spent the whole night together.
- Steven: That really is nice.
- Must've been one great video game! - Yeah, it was.
Steven: Maybe we could do something nice for Lars.
Donuts, d-d-donuts donuts, donuts, donuts, donuts, donuts, donuts I-I thought you wanted this to be a surprise! - He would hear us a mile away! - Steven: But the donut fever's fried my soul! Aah! [laughs.]
Huh? Aw, he already ordered pizza! [laughing.]
[laughter.]
Both: Huh? - Do a flip! - Oh, yeah! [panting.]
Hey, Lars, thanks for inviting us over.
It's no problem [laughs.]
'cause I got the whole day off by faking a severe back injury! [Laughter.]
Steven: Ugh! He was faking this whole Uh, don't worry! We can handle the big donut! Who needs crummy, old Lars? [crying.]
Steven, he's made a fool of me! Idiot! [crying.]
He's burned me before.
Just once, I'd like to burn him back! Steven: I know how to burn people! Wait right here.
Actually, this might take a while.
You'd better go home.
See you tomorrow at wo-o-o-rk! [dog panting.]
[dogs barking.]
- Steven: Fire salt! - Huh? Steven: Burn! Burn people! You know we can't add anything to the donuts! Steven: It's just a little fire salt.
I was going to prank Lars.
He did really hurt my feelings a little.
But what kind of person does that make you if you try to hurt him back? Steven: A hero? [door dings.]
[groaning.]
My back! Sadie, I finally got out of bed, but I don't think I can work today either.
Sadie, don't make me walk all the way to the break room! [hissing.]
Steven: Sadie This is gonna be so funny! Yo, Sadie, where you at? Are you slacking off? - [monotone.]
Lars.
- Steven: Hi, Lars! - Why is Steven in a donut suit? - Don't worry about that.
- How's your back? - Uh, actually, it still hurts like - Really.
- No, no, it's cool.
I know I can - count on you to help, "P" 2.
- Sure.
Just relax.
In fact - Why don't you have a donut? [sizzling.]
- Yeah, all right.
Careful.
It's a little hot.
[snickering.]
Hey, this is pretty good.
This a new flavor or something? [laughing.]
She said she said it's hot! [rumble!.]
[screaming.]
- Steven, help Lars! - Steven: Uh, Lars, drink this! [whistle!.]
- Aah! [groans.]
- No! Lars, come back! [smoke alarm beeping.]
- Steven, I didn't want this! - Steven: I know how to fix this! We just need to get Lars to calm down.
- How are we gonna find him?! - Aah! Steven: I think he went this way! And of the many treasures in our wonderful city, this is certainly one of the sweetest.
As mayor, I'm proud to unveil this the largest bowl of ice cream in Beach County! [crowd gasping.]
Yes, let's all scream for ice cream.
Aah! [splat.]
[muffled screaming.]
[crowd gasps.]
[continues screaming.]
Yeah.
It melted, Gary! Well, you should have said that at the meeting! [screaming.]
- Steven: Amethyst! - Amethyst: Hey, why's donut guy breathing fire? Steven: I tried to prank Lars, but I used too much fire salt! Amethyst: Steven That's hilarious.
You did this to me? [yelling.]
[laughing.]
[flames roaring.]
It wasn't Steven! - It was me.
- Amethyst: Oh, now it's gettin' good! [Steven panting.]
After all I do for you, you lie to me so you can sneak off - with some other girl?! - Steven: And other boys! [gasps, whimpers.]
[crying.]
That night we played video games, I don't know what it meant to you, but ever since then, I can't get the thought out of my head that you're a good person.
That night I really thought "player 2" is that just your way of saying I could - have been anyone? - Sadi [coughing.]
Steven: # if a customer chokes on a donut # state law requires that you assist them take both hands, push below the diaphragm [retches.]
Steven: Another day saved by Steven Universe, with the bonus musical stylings of Harold Smiley.
You're welcome! - I'm not apologizing.
- Uh, no! [wheezes.]
I want to help! - But I get it if you want to be alone.
- Oh, no, no, no! Stay.
I-I mean, you can help.
But first, let's get you some water, and maybe get you out of those burnt shirts.
Amethyst: Hey, we make a pretty great team.
[chomping.]
Steven: You were absolutely no help whatsoever.
Amethyst: Eh.