Supernatural s09e04 Episode Script
Slumber Party
Charlie bradbury.
Charlie.
Charlie.
What's up, bitches? How does a high-school dropout become one of the brightest minds at Roman, Inc.
? Historically, I've had this problem with -- with authority.
Is there such a thing as a monster magnet? When did you become such an expert? After you guys left, I dug into all things monstrous.
I'm a wee bit obsessive If "a wee bit" means completely.
There is a big difference between reading about hunting and actually hunting.
I'm -- I'm more hunter-in-training.
Totally not worth killing.
You know, you really should come back and dig through our archives.
You are definitely a Woman of Letters.
I like the sound of that.
It is the safest place on earth, warded against any evil ever created.
It is the supernatural mother lode.
If knowledge is power, then this is the most powerful place on Earth.
Sammy, I think we found the Bat Cave.
Protocol's complete.
James Haggerty.
Peter Jenkins.
Did we do everything right? Shouldn't Took three years to build this dump? Dump? Dump? Are you kidding? Do you realize where we are? This -- this dump is the last true beacon of light in a world gone topsy-turvy.
This dump is the epicenter of -- of the ultimate chess match between good and evil.
What a dump.
You know, when I got this assignment, I thought there'd be, I don't know, excitement, adventure.
There's nothing worse than adventure, my boy.
Trust me.
Extension 765.
Yes.
No.
That's not the password.
There's protocol here, young lady.
We'll be waiting.
We have a guest -- damn hunter.
Frank's kid.
Really? Wow.
What he did for her -- t-that was really something.
He was something, all right.
Holy buckets.
It's really you.
That's right, rookie.
It's really me -- Dorothy.
Now, which one of you geniuses is gonna help me kill the wicked witch? Hello, Moose.
You want more demon names.
I want a room with a view.
We can discuss this.
I'd settle for stretching my legs.
Bollocks.
Hey.
How'd it go with Kevin? Oh, that little nerd is in a lovely warded hotel room in Branson.
He's got about 48 hours of pay-per-porn and Kenny Rogers ahead of him.
How's he feeling? Well, he stared at the Angel tablet and repeated the word "falafe" for the entire ride.
Kid's cracked.
I'm hoping this break will, uh, clear his head.
You know, after everything that happened, I figured we could use a little break ourselves, so I, uh, picked you up season one "Game of Thrones.
" Figured we'd get a little takeout.
All right.
Well, first, I think I might have found a way to help Cass.
Did you talk to him? No.
And, by the way, I still don't understand why he left in the first place.
I mean, the bunker is the safest place for him.
Bartholomew and -- and who knows how many other angels are out there, gunning for them.
Hey, look, nobody wants him here more than I do, okay? But, uh, he felt like he'd bring trouble down on us, so he had to split.
But if you got a way to help him, I'm all ears.
All right.
So, Kevin said the table lit up like a Christmas tree when the angels fell, right? So? So it turns out each light was where a cluster of angels fell.
So I'm thinking maybe there's some way to hot-wire this, make it track angels.
That way, we could help Cass steer clear of danger.
This wasyour idea? Do you see anybody else in here? So, how would it work? Oh, no idea.
See, at first, I thought the table was the computer, but it's not.
It turns out it's just part of it.
But I did find these cables underneath, and I followed them.
You're never gonna believe what I found.
Voilà .
This is a computer? Yeah -- or it was in 1951, when it was installed.
Now, here's the crazy thing.
It's not plugged in to anything.
I mean, I have no idea what's making this thing work.
It's warm here.
Got it.
Huh.
Well, that looks simple.
Does it come with a manual? Nothing in the archives, and I obviously couldn't find anything like it online, not to mention I'm pretty sure that the Men of Letters doesn't exactly have I.
T.
support anymore, either.
I think I know somebody who could help us.
Come on.
So, what do you have to say for yourself? Nothing.
I cut out her tongue.
I've bound her, but it won't last.
Wait.
You captured her all by yourself? Yes.
Despite all my lady parts, I managed to capture the wicked witch.
Your father would be very proud.
I mean, did you know that he -- Wasted my time with his words.
And I'd appreciate it if you didn't do the same.
Now, I have tried cutting off her head, burning her, dousing her with holy water.
All she did was laugh.
Nothing I know of can kill her.
So I'm here as a last resort.
I was hoping you stiffs have a way to kill someone from Oz.
Well, of course we do.
W-we have to.
This place is the last true beacon of light.
All right.
Just open your damn books already.
All right, Jenkins.
Let's go to work.
Here it is.
Hey.
Thanks for coming.
Not a problem, especially since I got fired last week.
Hey, what? What happened? Turns out the company I work for was outsourcing to child labor, so I took a big wikileak all over that.
And, yeah.
It's cool, though.
It's given me more time to focus on my hobbies like larping, macrame, and hunting.
Excuse me? Okay.
It was just a couple little cases.
I took down a teenage vampire and a ghost which sounds like a Y.
A.
novel if you say it out loud.
Charlie, how'd it go? It was, uh It was intense.
But I kind of wish hunting was moremagical, you know? Never mind.
So, where is this Commodore 64 of yours? Sweet Ada Lovelace.
This thing belongs in a museum.
I mean, it's got encryption software.
It seems to be powered by something magical.
Skip to the end.
It's kind of an alarm system.
Global badness? It freaks.
This computer is what locked this place down.
Can we use it to track angels? All right.
Let me see what I can do.
All right.
It took some doing, but now we can download.
This beast has all the Men of Letters files.
Time for a little drag-and-drop.
Wow.
Well, it's a start.
Thank you.
Um, that's -- that's great.
So, you've been hunting.
Alone.
I know.
Not a good idea, according to the "Supernatural" books.
You really can't delete those from the Internet? Not even I can do that.
Come on.
Where do you even find them? A top-secret place I call Amazon.
And someone uploaded all the unpublished works.
I thought it was fanfic at first, but it was clearly Edlund's work.
Who uploaded it? I don't know.
Their screen name was beckywinchester176.
Ring a bell? None.
Uh, nobody's.
Uh, no, there are no bells.
UhNo.
Ugh, these files are encrypted.
This is gonna take a while.
So, takeout, sleepover, braid each other's hair? Got an idea.
Wow.
That Joffrey's a dick.
Oh, you have no idea.
Wait until he -- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! S-spoilers.
I haven't read all the books yet.
You're gonna read the books? Yes, Dean.
I like to read books -- you know, the ones without pictures.
Man, this bed is about as comfortable as a brick.
Any plans on moving in anytime soon? I am moved in.
This is just my style.
Yeah, this is his, uh, style.
Well, I'm sorry I haven't hung up the, uh, "Hang in there, kitty" poster yet, Dean.
Feel free to redecorate.
So, what, our home's not good enough for the "Hang in there, kitty" poster? This isn't our home.
This is where we work.
What's the difference? Okay.
All right, well, I'm gonna go get us some more beers.
How about that? So, Charlie, what was all that about how hunting isn't magical? Saving people, hunting things, the family business? I am down.
But I was raised on Tolkien, man.
I mean, where is all this? Where are my White Walkers and my volcano and magic ring to throw in the damn thing? Where -- where's my quest? Magic, questssuck.
Trust me.
They're all -- dead ends.
Nothing but dead ends.
There's got to be some way to kill this thing.
Jenkins, no! There's something here that belongs to me.
Take me to it.
What the hell's it talking about? I have no idea.
Do you have a lab? Second floor, room 28.
Wait! Jenkins, Jenkins! I know you're in there.
Jenkins is gone.
Jenkins.
Jenkins.
You were right.
There's nothing worse than adventure.
Dorothy! Dorothy! Download should be done by now.
What the hell? Sam, give me a hand.
Holy crap! The first case investigated in this bunker involved Dorothy.
She and the witch came into this room, and they never came out.
This will never stop blowing my mind! Okay, pace yourself, Toto.
How is this real? It's part of the fairy world.
We have to find her.
No, we have to talk before anyone does anything, okay? Dorothy? Talk? Typical Men of Letters, standing around, having a nice, little chat with your noses buried in your books while your little secretary takes notes.
We're hunters.
And who are you calling a secretary? You're not a secretary? You're a Woman of Letters? W-- how long have I been out? That's why we need to talk.
Look, you've been gone for over 75 years.
Now, according to our files, you came here to kill the wicked witch and then disappeared.
What happened? We couldn't find a way to kill her, so I did the only thing that I could.
It's you and me forever, bitch.
Dorothy! Dorothy! A binding spell that came at a price -- her soul with mine.
So you've been frozen with the witch for all this time? Yes.
Look, the witch cannot be killed.
If I am awake, then so is she.
Hello, lovely.
Sorry.
This litter box is warded against everything, even wicked witches.
Big fan.
Love your work.
What's the matter, darling? Cowardly lion got your tongue? Right.
Enough chitchat.
Must be here for a reason.
Write it down so daddy can help.
Wait, if she's here, why didn't she kill you? She can't.
You're protected by the Witch of the North's kiss.
It's from the books.
Oh, forget the books! They're not important.
I'm protected.
You aren't.
Now, the witch came here looking for something.
I have no idea what it is.
But we have to find her before she finds it.
All right, all right.
Charlie, dig into the files.
See if you can find anything that puts a dent in a witch.
Mm-hmm.
Sam and I will have a look-see.
Come on.
- I'm helping.
- Yeah, I don't doubt it.
But for right now, why don't you rest up and help the smartest person in the room? So big fan.
Hmm.
Ozma of Oz -- Is a total ass.
You were much nicer in the books.
Those books are the ravings of a sad, old man -- my father.
Wait.
Your dad was L.
Frank Baum, the writer? A Man of Letters.
Another glorified librarian, you ask me.
Hey, these guys may have been sexist, but like all librarians, they were wicked smart, too.
The dude who was here when you came in -- Haggerty -- he kept your case file open, worked it every day until he retired.
Obviously, he never found you, but if you took five seconds to read, he did find way to fight the Wicked Witch.
Do you remember the poppy fields in the first book? That's not actually how it happened.
It was much bloodier.
Stop ruining my childhood.
Do you remember the poppies? Good.
Haggerty made a deal with a fairy and got some poppy extract.
I'm gonna get some bullets from the gun range and make us some poppy bullets.
So, are you coming or what? Wow.
If it isn't the Scarecrow and the Tin Man.
Your new houseguest -- so misunderstood.
Neither of you saw "wicked"? What did she say to you? Something along the lines of All right, well, I'm gonna go get some holy oil and a lighter, dick bag.
I know what she's looking for.
What does she want? I'd be happy to tell you, as soon as I get to stretch my legs.
Oh.
All right.
What does the witch want? Give me a mo.
I still need to air myself out.
I think you're aired out enough.
Rude.
Key? What key? I haven't the foggiest.
Had to send her off on a merry chase before she could melt me.
Told her you boys kept the keys in the kitchen.
You do have a kitchen in this crap hole, don't you? Damn it, I just cleaned in here.
Really? Looks like we got a witch here.
Sorry.
We raided your gun range.
Made us some poppy bullets.
They won't kill the witch, but they will stun the crap out of her.
That's my girl.
There was only enough for four bullets, so make each shot count.
Now we just have to find her before she finds whatever the hell's she's looking for.
She's looking for a key.
How do you know? Little birdie told us.
Ring any bells, Dorothy? Unfortunately.
It's the key to Oz.
There are magical ways into Oz -- tornado, eye of a hurricane, whirlpool -- but this key will turn any locked door into a portal to Oz.
Insert key, twist, and presto, you're in Oz.
How did the Men of Letters get the key? I have no idea, but if she finds it, she'll go back and finish what she started.
She'll destroy all that is good in Oz.
She's got armies of witches, flying monkeys.
Many will die.
What's this key look like? I've seen that key.
Found it when I was doing inventory.
Where is it now? My room.
We got to get to that key.
All right, Charlie and I will go look in my room.
Why don't you guys buy us some time? Charlie? Safest place in this joint is the dungeon.
You have a dungeon in this place? Of course you do.
So maybe you should I am not hiding, especially in a dungeon.
Wicked Witch, a key, a quest? Let's do this.
C-Charlie I can't believe I've lived here for 75 years.
How long have you called this place home? My brother calls it home.
Me, I, uh -- I haven't had that much luck with homes.
Me neither.
Overrated, you ask me.
Yellow bricks or not, give me the open road any day.
Sam! She can get anywhere from there.
Split up, cover more ground.
You keep your porn meticulously organized, but not -- Don't judge me.
Ah! Yahtzee.
Dean! No! Charlie? Charlie? Charlie?! Charlie.
Charlie? Charlie? No! Dean! Zeke! You have to help her.
She's gone.
No.
You can bring her back like you did with Cass.
I cannot keep doing that.
Why the hell not?! I am barely back to half-strength, Dean.
Every time I use my power, it weakens me, which means I will have to stay in your brother longer than you want -- longer than we both want.
The witch running around your bunker is very powerful.
I can help with the witch or save your friend.
Save her.
As you wish.
Merry Christmas.
Charlie? Uh.
Hey, I know you.
I told you to stay in the dungeon.
Bet you say that to all the girls.
Dean? Sammy? What the hell just happened? The witch -- the witch was about to put a whammy on me, and, uh, Charlie jumped in front.
She got zapped, then the witch got the drop on you.
Then why aren't we dead? That's a good question.
I, uh -- I clipped her with a -- with a poppy bullet.
She got the key.
I think she's gone.
No.
She's wounded.
We should still have some time.
She could still be in the air vents.
No.
No, no.
She's right.
We -- we have to -- we -- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Just go.
We'll catch up.
M-my gun's over there.
There's one bullet in it.
Can we be best friends now? Who's Zeke? What? When I came into your room, before I got zapped, I thought you said the name Zeke.
Who's that? Um I think you're still a little punchy, man.
Just keep moving.
I had the weirdest dream when I was out.
It was Christmas, and my parents were still alive, and -- Dream? Charlie, you died.
Don't worry about it, though.
You're not a real hunter until you've died and come back again.
Slow down.
Why would you think I died? Heaven -- it's your dream life.
And if you were zapped by the Wicked Witch Instant death.
I would know.
She killed me, too.
Okay.
Let's rewind here a bit.
When did you die? In Oz.
My father was obsessed with his work as a Man of Letters, and then I was born and nothing changed.
He would keep his work a secret, but I was such a curious kid.
I was always looking for trouble, looking for the next big adventure.
I know the feeling.
I stowed away on one of his cases, wound up in the emerald city, accidentally got left behind.
It was terrifying.
Well, what happened? I met up with these three freedom fighters, and they thought I was this child of destiny chosen to kill the Wicked Witch.
They protected me, and then the witch turned them into -- A scarecrow, a tin man, and a lion? And then she hunted me down and killed me.
Yeah, that never made it to the books.
Sometimes real life is darker than fiction.
Why haven't you moved in? Is now really the time for this, Dean? Well, just asking.
Look, I never had what you had with mom and dad, okay? What are you talking about? I don't have any memories of home.
And whenever I've tried to make a home of my own, it really hasn't ended well.
Yeah, but a lifetime of abandoned buildings and crappy motel rooms.
I mean, this is about as close to home as we're gonna get, and it's ours.
And what about the books? Revisionist history.
That's my father's way of trying to undo what had happened to me.
But I knew the truth.
When the witch came to our world, I became a hunter, and my father wrote those silly books.
Don't you get it? The books aren't silly.
They're guidebooks filled with clues he left for you.
Haggerty pored through each one, and his research led him to uncover the poppies, so maybe there's something else from the books we can use, preferably something with a pointy end.
You are a genius.
Come on.
We've got to get to the garage.
There's a garage in this place?! Oh, boy.
Clear.
I got nothing.
What do you think? Is she gone? Sam! Ah! Find the girls And kill them both.
Yes.
I knew those boy scouts would keep it for me.
Is that Yeah.
He didn't make it.
Ooh.
Please be here.
Please be here.
Yes! I don't believe it.
Did you really walk down a brick road in these? No.
I never actually wore them.
Seemed kind of tacky wearing a dead woman's shoes.
Plus, I'm no good in heels, you know? I don't suppose we could just wish her away? Sorry.
Another thing the books got wrong.
But, like the poppies, these have magic from Oz -- sharp magic.
Oh.
Death by shoe? There you are.
Was that your Batman voice? That's definitely not your Batman voice.
It's her.
She possessed the both of them.
I missed you, my pretty.
Killing you a second time will be just as sweet as the first.
Guys, I know you're in there.
Dean, you can't let the witch do this.
If she opens the door, she's going to destroy Oz.
Aah! I have no intention of escaping to Oz.
I'm going to bring my armies here.
Don't worry.
You'll join Dorothy right after you watch her die.
Sorry about the nards, Dean.
Oh! Go.
I'll buy you some time.
All right.
Let's see what you pencil necks are made of.
All right, let's do this the old-fashioned way.
My body cannot hurt you, Dorothy.
But theirs can.
Now heel.
What the hell just happened? Charlie.
Ding-dong, bitches.
Aah! Really, after all I did with Ms.
defying gravity? Bollocks.
Baby looks good in here, huh? Not bad.
Dean Dorothy, I, uh -- I found something in the archives.
Pretty sure it belongs to you.
You have no idea how odd it is having a series of books written about you.
Actually, I-I do know, uh, and it is definitely weird.
But you know what? End of the day, it's our story, so we get to write it.
So, thanks for the slumber party Mm.
and bringing me back from the dead.
Uh, I didn't.
Don't B.
S.
a B.
S.
er.
Am I a zombie now? Do I need to eat brains? No, no, no.
You're you.
You're gonna be fine, all right? Just, um -- just keep this between us, okay? All right, but only 'cause you raised me from the dead, which you're going to have to explain to me later.
All right.
Not bad for a bunch of librarians.
You mind keeping an eye on my bike for me? Yeah, yeah, as long as you don't mind me taking it for a spin once in a while.
Deal.
Thank you for everything.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a rebellion to finish.
So, you coming or what? What? With you? To Oz? Yeah.
You said you were looking for adventure.
Well, here it is, Red.
Come help me find my damn dog.
You have no idea what's in Oz.
I mean, t-there's flying monkeys, armies of witches.
There's all kinds of danger.
Promise? If you need anything, just, uh, tap your heels together three times, okay? Me? What about you crazy kids? You gonna be all right without me? Take care of yourselves, boys.
Oh, yh,h, yeah for those about to rock we salute you for those about to rock we salute you oh, yeah, yeah Think she'll be back? Of course.
There's no place like home.
Charlie.
Charlie.
What's up, bitches? How does a high-school dropout become one of the brightest minds at Roman, Inc.
? Historically, I've had this problem with -- with authority.
Is there such a thing as a monster magnet? When did you become such an expert? After you guys left, I dug into all things monstrous.
I'm a wee bit obsessive If "a wee bit" means completely.
There is a big difference between reading about hunting and actually hunting.
I'm -- I'm more hunter-in-training.
Totally not worth killing.
You know, you really should come back and dig through our archives.
You are definitely a Woman of Letters.
I like the sound of that.
It is the safest place on earth, warded against any evil ever created.
It is the supernatural mother lode.
If knowledge is power, then this is the most powerful place on Earth.
Sammy, I think we found the Bat Cave.
Protocol's complete.
James Haggerty.
Peter Jenkins.
Did we do everything right? Shouldn't Took three years to build this dump? Dump? Dump? Are you kidding? Do you realize where we are? This -- this dump is the last true beacon of light in a world gone topsy-turvy.
This dump is the epicenter of -- of the ultimate chess match between good and evil.
What a dump.
You know, when I got this assignment, I thought there'd be, I don't know, excitement, adventure.
There's nothing worse than adventure, my boy.
Trust me.
Extension 765.
Yes.
No.
That's not the password.
There's protocol here, young lady.
We'll be waiting.
We have a guest -- damn hunter.
Frank's kid.
Really? Wow.
What he did for her -- t-that was really something.
He was something, all right.
Holy buckets.
It's really you.
That's right, rookie.
It's really me -- Dorothy.
Now, which one of you geniuses is gonna help me kill the wicked witch? Hello, Moose.
You want more demon names.
I want a room with a view.
We can discuss this.
I'd settle for stretching my legs.
Bollocks.
Hey.
How'd it go with Kevin? Oh, that little nerd is in a lovely warded hotel room in Branson.
He's got about 48 hours of pay-per-porn and Kenny Rogers ahead of him.
How's he feeling? Well, he stared at the Angel tablet and repeated the word "falafe" for the entire ride.
Kid's cracked.
I'm hoping this break will, uh, clear his head.
You know, after everything that happened, I figured we could use a little break ourselves, so I, uh, picked you up season one "Game of Thrones.
" Figured we'd get a little takeout.
All right.
Well, first, I think I might have found a way to help Cass.
Did you talk to him? No.
And, by the way, I still don't understand why he left in the first place.
I mean, the bunker is the safest place for him.
Bartholomew and -- and who knows how many other angels are out there, gunning for them.
Hey, look, nobody wants him here more than I do, okay? But, uh, he felt like he'd bring trouble down on us, so he had to split.
But if you got a way to help him, I'm all ears.
All right.
So, Kevin said the table lit up like a Christmas tree when the angels fell, right? So? So it turns out each light was where a cluster of angels fell.
So I'm thinking maybe there's some way to hot-wire this, make it track angels.
That way, we could help Cass steer clear of danger.
This wasyour idea? Do you see anybody else in here? So, how would it work? Oh, no idea.
See, at first, I thought the table was the computer, but it's not.
It turns out it's just part of it.
But I did find these cables underneath, and I followed them.
You're never gonna believe what I found.
Voilà .
This is a computer? Yeah -- or it was in 1951, when it was installed.
Now, here's the crazy thing.
It's not plugged in to anything.
I mean, I have no idea what's making this thing work.
It's warm here.
Got it.
Huh.
Well, that looks simple.
Does it come with a manual? Nothing in the archives, and I obviously couldn't find anything like it online, not to mention I'm pretty sure that the Men of Letters doesn't exactly have I.
T.
support anymore, either.
I think I know somebody who could help us.
Come on.
So, what do you have to say for yourself? Nothing.
I cut out her tongue.
I've bound her, but it won't last.
Wait.
You captured her all by yourself? Yes.
Despite all my lady parts, I managed to capture the wicked witch.
Your father would be very proud.
I mean, did you know that he -- Wasted my time with his words.
And I'd appreciate it if you didn't do the same.
Now, I have tried cutting off her head, burning her, dousing her with holy water.
All she did was laugh.
Nothing I know of can kill her.
So I'm here as a last resort.
I was hoping you stiffs have a way to kill someone from Oz.
Well, of course we do.
W-we have to.
This place is the last true beacon of light.
All right.
Just open your damn books already.
All right, Jenkins.
Let's go to work.
Here it is.
Hey.
Thanks for coming.
Not a problem, especially since I got fired last week.
Hey, what? What happened? Turns out the company I work for was outsourcing to child labor, so I took a big wikileak all over that.
And, yeah.
It's cool, though.
It's given me more time to focus on my hobbies like larping, macrame, and hunting.
Excuse me? Okay.
It was just a couple little cases.
I took down a teenage vampire and a ghost which sounds like a Y.
A.
novel if you say it out loud.
Charlie, how'd it go? It was, uh It was intense.
But I kind of wish hunting was moremagical, you know? Never mind.
So, where is this Commodore 64 of yours? Sweet Ada Lovelace.
This thing belongs in a museum.
I mean, it's got encryption software.
It seems to be powered by something magical.
Skip to the end.
It's kind of an alarm system.
Global badness? It freaks.
This computer is what locked this place down.
Can we use it to track angels? All right.
Let me see what I can do.
All right.
It took some doing, but now we can download.
This beast has all the Men of Letters files.
Time for a little drag-and-drop.
Wow.
Well, it's a start.
Thank you.
Um, that's -- that's great.
So, you've been hunting.
Alone.
I know.
Not a good idea, according to the "Supernatural" books.
You really can't delete those from the Internet? Not even I can do that.
Come on.
Where do you even find them? A top-secret place I call Amazon.
And someone uploaded all the unpublished works.
I thought it was fanfic at first, but it was clearly Edlund's work.
Who uploaded it? I don't know.
Their screen name was beckywinchester176.
Ring a bell? None.
Uh, nobody's.
Uh, no, there are no bells.
UhNo.
Ugh, these files are encrypted.
This is gonna take a while.
So, takeout, sleepover, braid each other's hair? Got an idea.
Wow.
That Joffrey's a dick.
Oh, you have no idea.
Wait until he -- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! S-spoilers.
I haven't read all the books yet.
You're gonna read the books? Yes, Dean.
I like to read books -- you know, the ones without pictures.
Man, this bed is about as comfortable as a brick.
Any plans on moving in anytime soon? I am moved in.
This is just my style.
Yeah, this is his, uh, style.
Well, I'm sorry I haven't hung up the, uh, "Hang in there, kitty" poster yet, Dean.
Feel free to redecorate.
So, what, our home's not good enough for the "Hang in there, kitty" poster? This isn't our home.
This is where we work.
What's the difference? Okay.
All right, well, I'm gonna go get us some more beers.
How about that? So, Charlie, what was all that about how hunting isn't magical? Saving people, hunting things, the family business? I am down.
But I was raised on Tolkien, man.
I mean, where is all this? Where are my White Walkers and my volcano and magic ring to throw in the damn thing? Where -- where's my quest? Magic, questssuck.
Trust me.
They're all -- dead ends.
Nothing but dead ends.
There's got to be some way to kill this thing.
Jenkins, no! There's something here that belongs to me.
Take me to it.
What the hell's it talking about? I have no idea.
Do you have a lab? Second floor, room 28.
Wait! Jenkins, Jenkins! I know you're in there.
Jenkins is gone.
Jenkins.
Jenkins.
You were right.
There's nothing worse than adventure.
Dorothy! Dorothy! Download should be done by now.
What the hell? Sam, give me a hand.
Holy crap! The first case investigated in this bunker involved Dorothy.
She and the witch came into this room, and they never came out.
This will never stop blowing my mind! Okay, pace yourself, Toto.
How is this real? It's part of the fairy world.
We have to find her.
No, we have to talk before anyone does anything, okay? Dorothy? Talk? Typical Men of Letters, standing around, having a nice, little chat with your noses buried in your books while your little secretary takes notes.
We're hunters.
And who are you calling a secretary? You're not a secretary? You're a Woman of Letters? W-- how long have I been out? That's why we need to talk.
Look, you've been gone for over 75 years.
Now, according to our files, you came here to kill the wicked witch and then disappeared.
What happened? We couldn't find a way to kill her, so I did the only thing that I could.
It's you and me forever, bitch.
Dorothy! Dorothy! A binding spell that came at a price -- her soul with mine.
So you've been frozen with the witch for all this time? Yes.
Look, the witch cannot be killed.
If I am awake, then so is she.
Hello, lovely.
Sorry.
This litter box is warded against everything, even wicked witches.
Big fan.
Love your work.
What's the matter, darling? Cowardly lion got your tongue? Right.
Enough chitchat.
Must be here for a reason.
Write it down so daddy can help.
Wait, if she's here, why didn't she kill you? She can't.
You're protected by the Witch of the North's kiss.
It's from the books.
Oh, forget the books! They're not important.
I'm protected.
You aren't.
Now, the witch came here looking for something.
I have no idea what it is.
But we have to find her before she finds it.
All right, all right.
Charlie, dig into the files.
See if you can find anything that puts a dent in a witch.
Mm-hmm.
Sam and I will have a look-see.
Come on.
- I'm helping.
- Yeah, I don't doubt it.
But for right now, why don't you rest up and help the smartest person in the room? So big fan.
Hmm.
Ozma of Oz -- Is a total ass.
You were much nicer in the books.
Those books are the ravings of a sad, old man -- my father.
Wait.
Your dad was L.
Frank Baum, the writer? A Man of Letters.
Another glorified librarian, you ask me.
Hey, these guys may have been sexist, but like all librarians, they were wicked smart, too.
The dude who was here when you came in -- Haggerty -- he kept your case file open, worked it every day until he retired.
Obviously, he never found you, but if you took five seconds to read, he did find way to fight the Wicked Witch.
Do you remember the poppy fields in the first book? That's not actually how it happened.
It was much bloodier.
Stop ruining my childhood.
Do you remember the poppies? Good.
Haggerty made a deal with a fairy and got some poppy extract.
I'm gonna get some bullets from the gun range and make us some poppy bullets.
So, are you coming or what? Wow.
If it isn't the Scarecrow and the Tin Man.
Your new houseguest -- so misunderstood.
Neither of you saw "wicked"? What did she say to you? Something along the lines of All right, well, I'm gonna go get some holy oil and a lighter, dick bag.
I know what she's looking for.
What does she want? I'd be happy to tell you, as soon as I get to stretch my legs.
Oh.
All right.
What does the witch want? Give me a mo.
I still need to air myself out.
I think you're aired out enough.
Rude.
Key? What key? I haven't the foggiest.
Had to send her off on a merry chase before she could melt me.
Told her you boys kept the keys in the kitchen.
You do have a kitchen in this crap hole, don't you? Damn it, I just cleaned in here.
Really? Looks like we got a witch here.
Sorry.
We raided your gun range.
Made us some poppy bullets.
They won't kill the witch, but they will stun the crap out of her.
That's my girl.
There was only enough for four bullets, so make each shot count.
Now we just have to find her before she finds whatever the hell's she's looking for.
She's looking for a key.
How do you know? Little birdie told us.
Ring any bells, Dorothy? Unfortunately.
It's the key to Oz.
There are magical ways into Oz -- tornado, eye of a hurricane, whirlpool -- but this key will turn any locked door into a portal to Oz.
Insert key, twist, and presto, you're in Oz.
How did the Men of Letters get the key? I have no idea, but if she finds it, she'll go back and finish what she started.
She'll destroy all that is good in Oz.
She's got armies of witches, flying monkeys.
Many will die.
What's this key look like? I've seen that key.
Found it when I was doing inventory.
Where is it now? My room.
We got to get to that key.
All right, Charlie and I will go look in my room.
Why don't you guys buy us some time? Charlie? Safest place in this joint is the dungeon.
You have a dungeon in this place? Of course you do.
So maybe you should I am not hiding, especially in a dungeon.
Wicked Witch, a key, a quest? Let's do this.
C-Charlie I can't believe I've lived here for 75 years.
How long have you called this place home? My brother calls it home.
Me, I, uh -- I haven't had that much luck with homes.
Me neither.
Overrated, you ask me.
Yellow bricks or not, give me the open road any day.
Sam! She can get anywhere from there.
Split up, cover more ground.
You keep your porn meticulously organized, but not -- Don't judge me.
Ah! Yahtzee.
Dean! No! Charlie? Charlie? Charlie?! Charlie.
Charlie? Charlie? No! Dean! Zeke! You have to help her.
She's gone.
No.
You can bring her back like you did with Cass.
I cannot keep doing that.
Why the hell not?! I am barely back to half-strength, Dean.
Every time I use my power, it weakens me, which means I will have to stay in your brother longer than you want -- longer than we both want.
The witch running around your bunker is very powerful.
I can help with the witch or save your friend.
Save her.
As you wish.
Merry Christmas.
Charlie? Uh.
Hey, I know you.
I told you to stay in the dungeon.
Bet you say that to all the girls.
Dean? Sammy? What the hell just happened? The witch -- the witch was about to put a whammy on me, and, uh, Charlie jumped in front.
She got zapped, then the witch got the drop on you.
Then why aren't we dead? That's a good question.
I, uh -- I clipped her with a -- with a poppy bullet.
She got the key.
I think she's gone.
No.
She's wounded.
We should still have some time.
She could still be in the air vents.
No.
No, no.
She's right.
We -- we have to -- we -- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Just go.
We'll catch up.
M-my gun's over there.
There's one bullet in it.
Can we be best friends now? Who's Zeke? What? When I came into your room, before I got zapped, I thought you said the name Zeke.
Who's that? Um I think you're still a little punchy, man.
Just keep moving.
I had the weirdest dream when I was out.
It was Christmas, and my parents were still alive, and -- Dream? Charlie, you died.
Don't worry about it, though.
You're not a real hunter until you've died and come back again.
Slow down.
Why would you think I died? Heaven -- it's your dream life.
And if you were zapped by the Wicked Witch Instant death.
I would know.
She killed me, too.
Okay.
Let's rewind here a bit.
When did you die? In Oz.
My father was obsessed with his work as a Man of Letters, and then I was born and nothing changed.
He would keep his work a secret, but I was such a curious kid.
I was always looking for trouble, looking for the next big adventure.
I know the feeling.
I stowed away on one of his cases, wound up in the emerald city, accidentally got left behind.
It was terrifying.
Well, what happened? I met up with these three freedom fighters, and they thought I was this child of destiny chosen to kill the Wicked Witch.
They protected me, and then the witch turned them into -- A scarecrow, a tin man, and a lion? And then she hunted me down and killed me.
Yeah, that never made it to the books.
Sometimes real life is darker than fiction.
Why haven't you moved in? Is now really the time for this, Dean? Well, just asking.
Look, I never had what you had with mom and dad, okay? What are you talking about? I don't have any memories of home.
And whenever I've tried to make a home of my own, it really hasn't ended well.
Yeah, but a lifetime of abandoned buildings and crappy motel rooms.
I mean, this is about as close to home as we're gonna get, and it's ours.
And what about the books? Revisionist history.
That's my father's way of trying to undo what had happened to me.
But I knew the truth.
When the witch came to our world, I became a hunter, and my father wrote those silly books.
Don't you get it? The books aren't silly.
They're guidebooks filled with clues he left for you.
Haggerty pored through each one, and his research led him to uncover the poppies, so maybe there's something else from the books we can use, preferably something with a pointy end.
You are a genius.
Come on.
We've got to get to the garage.
There's a garage in this place?! Oh, boy.
Clear.
I got nothing.
What do you think? Is she gone? Sam! Ah! Find the girls And kill them both.
Yes.
I knew those boy scouts would keep it for me.
Is that Yeah.
He didn't make it.
Ooh.
Please be here.
Please be here.
Yes! I don't believe it.
Did you really walk down a brick road in these? No.
I never actually wore them.
Seemed kind of tacky wearing a dead woman's shoes.
Plus, I'm no good in heels, you know? I don't suppose we could just wish her away? Sorry.
Another thing the books got wrong.
But, like the poppies, these have magic from Oz -- sharp magic.
Oh.
Death by shoe? There you are.
Was that your Batman voice? That's definitely not your Batman voice.
It's her.
She possessed the both of them.
I missed you, my pretty.
Killing you a second time will be just as sweet as the first.
Guys, I know you're in there.
Dean, you can't let the witch do this.
If she opens the door, she's going to destroy Oz.
Aah! I have no intention of escaping to Oz.
I'm going to bring my armies here.
Don't worry.
You'll join Dorothy right after you watch her die.
Sorry about the nards, Dean.
Oh! Go.
I'll buy you some time.
All right.
Let's see what you pencil necks are made of.
All right, let's do this the old-fashioned way.
My body cannot hurt you, Dorothy.
But theirs can.
Now heel.
What the hell just happened? Charlie.
Ding-dong, bitches.
Aah! Really, after all I did with Ms.
defying gravity? Bollocks.
Baby looks good in here, huh? Not bad.
Dean Dorothy, I, uh -- I found something in the archives.
Pretty sure it belongs to you.
You have no idea how odd it is having a series of books written about you.
Actually, I-I do know, uh, and it is definitely weird.
But you know what? End of the day, it's our story, so we get to write it.
So, thanks for the slumber party Mm.
and bringing me back from the dead.
Uh, I didn't.
Don't B.
S.
a B.
S.
er.
Am I a zombie now? Do I need to eat brains? No, no, no.
You're you.
You're gonna be fine, all right? Just, um -- just keep this between us, okay? All right, but only 'cause you raised me from the dead, which you're going to have to explain to me later.
All right.
Not bad for a bunch of librarians.
You mind keeping an eye on my bike for me? Yeah, yeah, as long as you don't mind me taking it for a spin once in a while.
Deal.
Thank you for everything.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a rebellion to finish.
So, you coming or what? What? With you? To Oz? Yeah.
You said you were looking for adventure.
Well, here it is, Red.
Come help me find my damn dog.
You have no idea what's in Oz.
I mean, t-there's flying monkeys, armies of witches.
There's all kinds of danger.
Promise? If you need anything, just, uh, tap your heels together three times, okay? Me? What about you crazy kids? You gonna be all right without me? Take care of yourselves, boys.
Oh, yh,h, yeah for those about to rock we salute you for those about to rock we salute you oh, yeah, yeah Think she'll be back? Of course.
There's no place like home.