Superstore (2015) s06e05 Episode Script

So Glenn's still on self-quarantine
for another week,
but he wanted me to relay
that he misses you all,
and he sends everyone
his biggest, warmest hug.
If anyone wants
to report that for harassment,
-I encourage you to do so.
-I'm assuming we're in health and beauty,
because the raccoons
finally claimed the warehouse.
[Sandra] I like it here.
It smells like confident women.
We are here to right an injustice.
Effective immediately,
Cloud 9 will no longer
keep Black haircare products
in locked cases.
[Cheyenne] Wait, why are those locked up?
Can you huff them,
or is it more like a butt thing?
Oh, a butt thing?
No, I think it's because they think
Black people are gonna steal them.
Yeah, we have to ask for the key.
It's like a walk of shame
every time you need argon oil.
Wait, seriously? That was store policy?
That you had to humiliate yourself
just to get the al, almond…
-What was it called?
-The, the…
[stutters]
Uh, the al, almond oil.
-Almond.
-That's so messed up.
Yup, that was pretty cool
of corporate to fix it.
Oh, yeah, it takes a lot of courage
to make a gesture this small
this late in the game.
Look, the important thing
is it ends today.
You know, I thought my legacy
as acting manager
was gonna be
the new forklift pallet clamp,
but turns out it's racial justice, so…
Okay, Ken, do you wanna do the honors?
Oh! Six-foot bubble, everybody.
And watch your fingers.
I just had these sharpened.
[Ken chuckles]
Uh, Ken, on the count of three,
you're gonna bolt cut us
into the 21st century.
-One…
-[all] …two, three.
[clattering]
Or, you know, since we put the lock there,
maybe we have the key.
Less ceremonial, but fine.
Oh, that's my house key.
[sighs]
This one's Gram Gram's skate rink.
This is my Orangetheory locker.
Ah, yeah, key to the racist lock.
-Whoo-hoo!
-[applause]
Wow, so this is what equality feels like.
-Amazing grace ♪
-Okay.
-How sweet… ♪
-[groans]
Come on, everybody!
[upbeat music]
Pretty big day, huh?
Justice, one. Racism, zero.
I'm not sure that's the score.
You do realize the hair products thing
isn't the end of racism.
It's not even the end of racism
in the store.
Oh, is this because Karen
started here last week?
Because she's willing to go by Jill.
What… No. Don't you think it's messed up
that we've never had
a Black district manager?
Or that the employee handbook
limits our hair length
to three inches in diameter?
That basically means no afros.
I guess I just never thought
about any of this stuff.
I mean, you've never brought it up before.
It's not my job to call out
every racist thing I come up against.
It's my job to announce sales
and pretend not to notice
when people return used swimsuits.
Yeah, you know,
this is, this is actually exactly
what we're talking about
in my anti-racism book club.
We have the luxury of
not having to think about racism,
because it doesn't
directly affect our lives.
I would love to never hear
about that book club again,
-but he's right.
-Well, let's do something about it.
You're gonna hold a meeting,
and you're gonna compile a list
of all the racist stuff
that corporate needs to talk about.
-I'm gonna hold a meeting?
-Oh, right, sorry. I forgot.
You don't like to lead.
You prefer to sit to the side
and make snarky comments
-like a balcony Muppet.
-Uh, well, I could do it.
-No, no, no, I can do it.
-Yeah, no, of course.
You should. You, you totally…
That's a great idea.
I was just trying to help.
I, I promise I wasn't trying to,
like, lead or anything.
I should decenter myself
and start listening.
-You're still talking.
-Yeah, yeah, decentering, yep.
Okay, so I'll borrow
Eric's movie projector.
And we already have,
like, ten camping chairs,
-so that should be enough for everybody.
-Ooh, this is gonna be so fun!
The last time I saw an outdoor movie,
I was on shrooms,
and it turned out to
just be a Steak 'n Shake menu.
-Oh, my God.
-[Sandra] Hey, guys.
What's up?
[scoffs]
Nothing.
Uh, we were just… talk,
talking about Europe,
and how crazy it is over there right now.
[jabbering]
Politics.
[laughs]
-[Mateo] Well.
-Should we feel bad for not inviting her?
Yeah, I guess?
I bet she just sits at home all day
running to the window
whenever she hears a car.
So… should we invite her?
Aw, that would be so nice of us.
She'll probably cry.
Totally. Ugh, it'll be
like Christmas for her.
Hey.
-[indistinct chatter]
-[cell phone rings]
[chimes]
Hey, Garrett. It's me, Glenn.
Yeah, I can see you.
So, I heard about
the Black hair care products,
and I feel horrible.
Ah, I guess I just never paid attention
to those products,
because most of my Black friends are bald.
By most, do you mean me?
No, I have six others.
I don't know if they're drawn to me
or me to them, but…
Anyway, the point is I… I'm just so sorry.
And I wish there was something I could do
to make it up to the Black employees.
Any ideas?
Uh, for how to apologize to Black people?
-Mm-hm.
-Glenn, look, I'm really busy.
-I got this meeting coming up--
-I just feel terrible!
You gotta help me make this right.
Oh, and for the record,
I am willing to take a knee anywhere.
-Thanks, Garrett.
-Yeah, bye.
[sighs deeply]
Hey, Sandra. Guess what?
I don't like to guess anymore.
-My mind's too dirty.
-Oh!
Okay, we're hosting
an outdoor movie night,
and we want you to come.
[Mateo] It's this Friday at seven.
Bring a camping chair and a blanket.
But not Jerry.
We're not running a charity.
Oh, um, thanks for the invite,
but I don't feel comfortable going.
Aw, because you're not used
to being invited to places?
No, it's just… I noticed
you guys are pretty caszh
with your COVID safety.
-Us?
-What?
In your Instagram post,
you're not wearing your masks.
You just have the bandana
tied around your necks.
Yeah, so people can see our smiles.
They need them now more than ever.
Right, I just think
I'd be too anxious if I went,
but thanks for the invite.
[Mateo scoffs]
Is she saying we're not clean?
I think so.
Should we start a rumor
that she has hepatitis?
No.
Not yet.
Uh, I think it's good that the store
has unlocked the Black hair products,
but I thought we'd make a list
of the other issues
corporate needs to address.
You mean, like how we still sell products
with racist mascots?
Ooh, yes, that's a good one!
Write that one down.
Okay, that's a weird energy
to bring to this, but okay.
How about some new options
in our vending machines?
There are three rows of sour cream
and onion chips, and no jalapeño.
Okay, guys, so this list
is to come up with issues
that are affecting Black customers
and employees.
Well, that one affects me, my brother,
because I hate sour cream and onion.
Yeah, but that's more of a you thing,
not a Black thing.
I'm pretty sure that's a Black thing.
Uh, raise your hand if you are Black,
and you like sour cream and onion?
-I like sour cream.
-That's not the question.
It has to be sour cream and onion.
Devil's combo.
Show your hands? Hands up?
-Mm-hm, yup. Prosecution rests.
-Okay, that doesn't prove--
Look, I don't know who's right on this,
but I think it might be easier
if you just wrote it down.
-[sighs]
-[quirky music sting]
So we have two ideas to send to corporate,
and a list of snacks that
the Black people in this room don't like.
Every room, Garrett.
Okay, does anybody
have anything actually useful?
Uh, I, I think it might be helpful if…
Oh, sorry. Nia, did you,
did you wanna say something?
-No?
-Are you sure?
Because I don't wanna make this about me
if you, if you've got something.
I don't wanna make it about you either,
but I don't have anything.
Okay, uh, okay, so… look.
I think it's great that we're trying
to fight these racist policies,
but I also think that
we should be pitching actively
anti-racist policies as well.
Yeah, like asking corporate
to sell more products
from Black-owned businesses.
I was just gonna say that!
Cool, let's all give credit
to Jonah for Janet's idea.
No, no. That's…
That's going on the list, Janet.
[sighs]
I think a lot of us wanna help,
but we just have blind spots
when it comes to this stuff.
I mean, when I was growing up,
we were told the goal was to not see race.
Okay, see, I don't know
who started telling white people that.
I'm assuming it was other white people,
but you shouldn't ignore race.
You should be aware of
how being Black affects our daily lives.
Wait, you're Black?
-I thought you were Dominican.
-What? No.
You're not even a little Dominican?
Like Puerto Rican?
That's… not how it works.
But Garrett's right.
We're dealing with microaggressions
all the time.
Yeah, like certain employees
always asking to touch my hair.
I'm not naming names,
but if I were, they'd be Isaac.
[all groan]
I'm sorry. Your hair looks fun.
-[all groan]
-Dude.
-Really?
-Okay, fine.
Janet, your hair doesn't look fun.
Is that better? It looks like a bad time.
[all murmuring]
How about Justine trying to sound Black
when she talks to Black people?
Oh, that's how you gon' do me?
Uh, I've experienced a ton
of anti-Asian racism since corona started.
Yeah, customers have said
some really terrible stuff to us.
I've been getting that too,
and I'm Hawaiian.
Well, you look Asian to white people,
so don't go thinking
you're cleaner than us.
Yeah, we're the cleanest people here.
I'm sick of everybody acting
like all Black people have it worse
than white people.
Like, look at Will Smith.
His life is way better than mine,
and our debut albums came out
the same year.
Isaac, I guarantee,
all things being equal,
racism is harder for Black people
than it is for you.
Go on, tell them
about how your life is harder
because you're Black.
Wait till you hear this.
I think it's gonna be pretty bad.
[Garrett] Wow, really? Um…
[scoffs]
Uh, okay.
So a couple weeks ago,
I bought a Nintendo Switch.
A white dude follows me
through the parking lot,
and goes, "You got a receipt for that?"
[groans]
White dudes.
So this is the kind of stuff
we're working to address with this list.
Uh-uh, forget the list.
We can get back to the list.
The personal stories are breaking through.
Give us another one.
So you just want me to tell more stories
about messed up stuff that happened to me,
-'cause I'm Black?
-Exactly. Hit us with a big one!
[scoffs]
Fine, okay.
Racist story time.
Gather around, everybody.
Oh, whoa! No, no, no!
Don't actually scoot in.
My kinda lover ♪
My kinda lover… ♪
[Garrett] Man, I just wanted to change
a couple racist policies.
I didn't sign up to teach a bunch
of grown ass white people about racism.
[Jonah] Seriously, it's like,
come on, folks.
We're living in a golden age of podcasts.
Hey, you left the list in the warehouse.
Oh, okay. Yeah, thanks.
But, uh, I'm not doing this anymore.
Oh. Okay.
Look, it's pointless, all right?
You're new here, so you don't get it,
but to change anything
around here is a lost cause.
I mean, just look at Jonah,
he tried to start a union,
ended up throwing away
a whole year of his life.
Well, I did learn some things.
But, uh, yeah, no, yeah, it's, it was…
-I wasted that year.
-[Nia] I don't know.
I mean, it seems like things
are actually gaining some momentum.
Might as well try to change
some of that stuff, right?
[scoffs]
Be my guest.
Okay, so once again,
Black women are the ones
everybody expects to drive social change.
Mmm, mm-hm. So true.
[fingers snapping]
Okay, fine.
I will do the rest of the list.
Cool.
Did you have to snap?
In the moment, it felt wrong not to snap.
[sighs]
Have a heavenly day.
For your information, Sandra,
Cheyenne and I are very clean.
Yeah, I shower after every poo.
And this movie night is gonna be
just as hygienic as we are.
All the chairs are gonna be
six feet apart,
and we're gonna have
a bunch of hand sanitizer.
Cool. Well, let me know how it goes.
And, uh, we are going to be
checking people's temperatures
every ten minutes.
Mm-hm, and we're gonna be
digging a hole for everyone to sit in,
so the germs don't get out.
[Mateo] What do you say?
Should we save you a… a hole?
Look, it's nothing personal.
People just have different comfort levels
around this stuff, but you guys have fun.
[Cheyenne scoffs]
Rude.
I know. She's the worst.
-She's coming to this [bleep] movie.
-[Cheyenne scoffs]
And how can we pull out
all sorts of decorations
for Saint Patrick's Day,
and we don't do anything for Juneteenth?
-Yeah.
-Leprechauns were never slaves.
Mm-hm, except to their own greed.
Yo, we gotta put MC Cool Cloud
on the list, right?
I mean, that's clearly appropriation.
[Ken] I don't know.
I don't think he's trying to act Black.
I just think he is Black.
But it's a white cloud.
So, what? White clouds can't be Black?
Black people can't be clouds?
Dude, he was created
by a group of white executives
who are clearly obsessed with LL Cool J.
I'm sick of looking at it.
It's going on the list.
Hey, sorry, uh…
Glenn wants to talk to you.
[Glenn] Hey, Garrett!
You weren't picking up your phone,
so Jonah helped Demetrius
and me track you down.
I'm Demetrius. I'd shake your hand,
but there's a virus going around.
Yeah, I heard about that. What's going on?
Well, you never got back to me
with your apology ideas,
so I decided to buy pizzas
for all the Black employees.
Did you know that
this was what this was about?
In my heart, I feel like I might have.
[sighs]
So, as reparations
for the hair care products,
you got us pizza?
Mm-hm.
Hey, pizza's better than nothing.
-Mm-hm.
-What?
And, Garrett, you're pizza deputy,
so make sure that
every Black employee gets some pizza.
And if there are any borderline calls,
well, you get final say.
Uh, Glenn, I can't do this.
Look, you're having pizza. I insist.
So start rounding up the Black people.
Oh, I mean, uh, just send them a text!
[quirky music]
[sighs]
Thankful that my head too hard
For me to learn my lesson ♪
'Cause the way I did it
Worked out fine ♪
Ooh, God you blessed… ♪
[Ken snickers]
What's good, y'all?
It's your boy, Kenan Bravo.
I'm just over here
having a little work pizza.
Make that free work pizza!
And here's the guy we have to thank.
The MLK of the PZA.
No, no, not thanks to me.
I don't want any part of this.
Don't want any pizza.
Okayzzles, more pizza for me, then.
Hashtag "boom." Hashtag "pizza for life."
Hashtag "in crust, we trust."
Forced pizza party. Going on the list.
I don't know, even with the word "forced,"
pizza party only ever sounds awesome.
-I know.
-[Cody] Hey, Garrett.
Me and, um, some of the others
were wondering
if we could get in on this pizza party.
Yeah, I don't know, man. It's, uh--
I know. It's a Black thing.
But you don't know
what's it like for guys like me.
Like when I'm mowing my own lawn,
people think I'm the gardener.
I mean, they don't say, "Hey, gardener,"
but I know they're thinking it.
You know what? Go ahead. Go ahead.
-Thank you. Sarah, you're up.
-Sarah?
So when I was eight,
all the white kids came up with a chant
that went, "Sarah, Sarah,
you're so brown--"
Okay, okay, I don't wanna be
the racism pizza judge.
Just go ahead. Have some pizza.
-What about me?
-Oh, yeah. You're good. You're good.
-[Earl] I hear the pizza's from Polini's.
-Oh, man, that place is legit.
That where my parents took me
to tell me about their divorce.
Oh, hey, guys. Sorry.
The pizza's actually
just for our employees of color.
The, the break room
is kind of a safe space
-for historically marginalized--
-No whites allowed! Beat it!
So unfair.
I wonder if that was the best way
to say that.
I think I nailed it.
I just don't understand
why she wouldn't even, like…
-Oh, I know.
-[Cheyenne] Shh.
What… Oh.
Just keeping everything sterile!
[Mateo laughs]
-I'm, like, so OCD about this stuff.
-[hissing]
Oh, is that bug spray?
[coughs]
Yes!
It is.
[coughs]
A virus is a bug, Sandra.
Just cleaning my hands. Like always.
Guys, I know what you're doing,
but it's okay.
-I'm not judging you.
-Okay, let's cut the crap.
Are you not coming, because of Cheyenne?
-What?
-You think she's dirty,
because she's married to Bo,
and they live in that filthy house?
You know, Bo's not dirty.
Ringworm runs in his family!
Well, then it's a dirty family!
[gasps]
It's a genetic condition.
A condition called "not washing his body."
[Cheyenne] Oh, my God, you clearly
don't know anything about ringworm.
Ignorant!
-Where do you think ringworm comes from?
-Ow! I got sanitizer in my eye.
It burns!
A freestyle phantom
Ain't trying to be handsome ♪
Shrinking what you're thinking
'Cause I'm vamping ♪
I live and die… ♪
I love how pizza is, like, the bread.
And then, the sauce.
And then, like, the cheese,
puts it all together.
Yeah, mmm.
Is this your first time having pizza?
-Shh, there's girls here.
-[indistinct chatter]
[Glenn] There they are!
Thanks, Demetrius!
Yo, Jonah stopped answering his phone too.
-[sighs]
-So Garrett. How are those pizzas?
Are you enjoying them,
and feeling appreciated?
People seem to like them,
but I think we're good on pizza, Glenn.
Yeah, well, it just…
[sighs]
Some of the white employees were upset
that they didn't get any pizza,
and, you know, the point of all this
was to make everyone happy, so--
I thought the point of this
was to apologize to the Black employees.
Either they're reparations,
or they're not.
Okay, well, can't you think
of it like this?
Like, for you, the pizzas
are reparations for racism.
And for the white employees,
they're reparations for not getting pizza.
Okay, so it's an "all lives matter"
pizza party?
Fine, great. Okay, that's perfect.
Attention, all Cloud 9 employees
in all departments.
Please report to the break room for pizza,
because, apparently,
now everyone gets pizza.
[Garrett] Never mind that
the basic infrastructure of this country
makes it so that one group of people
gets way more pizza than others!
Or that some of us spent over 400 years
forcibly making pizza for white people!
[thuds]
This isn't about pizza, is it?
No, I don't think so.
Yes! I love pizza.
[quirky music sting]
I am so sorry. I biffed up hard.
But I just really need you to know
that I'm not a racist.
Look, Glenn, I don't think
you're racist, okay?
You're just really horrible
at this kind of stuff.
You're right. And I--
The user is out of minutes.
-[beeps]
-He doesn't know.
Look, I'm sorry about him, okay?
Just save all this pizza stuff
for your next racist story time.
There's not gonna be
another racist story time.
There shouldn't have been a first one.
You're just as bad as Glenn.
I pointed out a few problems
I had with the store,
and you have me making
a whole list and doing a TED Talk?
I mean, hell, Jonah's been weird
and annoying all day,
but at least he's tried to help out
without putting the burden on me.
Oh, wow. Yeah, well, uh, thanks.
Decentering takes a little practice,
but I think I'm getting better at it.
You know, I just,
I just have a tendency to…
make things about myself.
Look, don't bother with the list, okay?
I'll take care of it.
I already did it.
Oh, well, I'll send this to the DM
as soon as possible.
Then, hopefully she'll send it on
to the regional manager for him to review.
And then, he'll send it
to the diversity liaison.
And then she's gonna have
to send it on to her VP.
All told, we should get
an answer in, you know…
-three to five weeks.
-Weeks?
Look, I know it sucks.
I built a canoe in less time.
But it's a step in the right direction.
I guess.
Oh, good. She's still here.
[both panting]
Here! In your face!
Our corona tests came back negative.
And they said that's a good thing.
When did you guys take these?
We called out early and drove
to the rapid test center in Illinois.
Wow, well, congrats
on your clean bill of health, guys.
Ah-ah-ah.
So, we will see you at movie night, right?
Oh, well, you guys are safe,
but won't there be other people there?
Yeah, but, I mean, we can uninvite them.
It can just be us.
What movie were you gonna see?
Hereditary.
Ooh, that's too scary for me.
We can watch something else! Your choice.
Well, I've been meaning to see
if Herbie: Fully Loaded
lives up to the hype.
Done. We'll see you there.
Sure!
[chuckles]
Oh, yes! I knew we'd get her.
Nice, so it's just gonna be
me, you, Sandra
outside your apartment
watching Herbie: Fully Loaded.
Yeah.
Oh, shoot! I forgot.
I have something on Friday.
Cheyenne.
Cheyenne!
Maybe you could give me
a list of slang that's off-limits.
All of it.
Hey, man. We heard your announcement.
You seemed pretty beefed.
And you had every right to be.
I mean, from one pizza slut
to another, I totally get it.
We got you these.
[chuckles]
Ten pizzas.
Well, there aren't enough pizzas
in the whole world
-to show you how sorry we are.
-[Jonah scoffs]
Hey! Why was this in the box crusher?
'Cause it's racist,
and I was tired of looking at it.
And I wasn't gonna wait
three to five weeks
for someone else to come fix it.
-Got it.
-[sighs]
[applause]
[Garrett] Nope. Wrong.
-Yeah, Garrett!
-Sí, se puede.
Not Dominican, man.
He didn't even take the pizzas.
You know what?
You guys just don't get it, okay?
Today was a perfect example
of the kind of racism that people of color
have to deal with on a daily basis,
and how we need to stop pretending
that white privilege doesn't benefit us.
Today was never about the pizzas.
It…
Okay, so it's still not about the pizzas,
but he would like me
to grab the pizzas, so…
If you could just… Under my chin.
Yeah, yeah. All right, okay.
Seriously! Do the work!
[quirky music sting]