Superstore (2015) s06e10 Episode Script

Okay, uh, those of you who were working
the day that Carol
was electrocuted by the robot,
you're gonna be deposed
by Carol's lawyer today.
Now, Cloud 9's lawyer
will also be present.
He advises we answer
every question honestly
but try and downplay their liability.
So, feel free to get creative
walking that perjury line.
How much is Cloud 9
gonna have to pay Carol?
Oh, I heard about a guy who got
his butt sliced off when a shelf fell.
-Woop! Ten million.
-What?
-No, no.
-Dang, that's a nice payday.
I'm sorry, a guy got his butt sliced off,
and we didn't hear about it in the news?
Wait, so Carol could get
ten million dollars?
[laughing]
Okay.
That makes sense. The world makes sense.
She'll be able to do that thing
where you buy a car,
and you just drive it once.
Like, when you get to where you're going,
you just toss the keys
to whoever and leave.
No, she's the kinda person
who'd blow it all on exotic animals,
then die broke in the bathroom
of a Red Robin.
Carol, you can probably
just go start your shift now.
No, I'm good.
Is this what today's gonna be like,
everyone talking about me?
God, I'm gonna hate this!
[upbeat music]
[quirky music sting]
You're looking at a boot?
-You're not a boot guy.
-Ah! I know. Everyone knows that.
But I'm just seeing
what's out there, because…
someone's getting
their ankle monitor off today!
Oh, my God, Mateo, that's huge!
I know, right? Girl, it has sucked!
Feeling like a criminal
every time I tied my shoes…
Ooh! Why not get yourself
some capri pants too,
-so you can show off your ankle?
-I'd rather go back to jail.
[Hannah] Excuse me.
Can you help me find Carol Malloon?
I'm her attorney. Hannah Connelly.
Well, hear this.
Carol's gonna do everything she can
to pin this on me,
but if she wants to make this ugly,
I will drag it all the way to hell!
I think she's in floral.
On your left,
just ahead towards the register.
Okay. Thank you.
[Mateo] Okay.
[Jonah] Oh, hey, Glenn.
You're, uh, you're dripping
something green there, buddy.
Ah! This is the third stress ball
I blasted through today.
Wow. Maybe today should be
more of a Koosh day for you.
It's just these depositions.
-You know, lawyers make me anxious.
-It's nothing to worry about.
You know, maybe it would help
if we practiced a little bit.
Oh, yeah, good idea. Okay.
So, so you be me, and I'll be the lawyer.
Uh, maybe you should be you.
'Cause I'll be me in the deposition.
Okay. Good catch.
Hey, Dina, did ya see?
Lazer Maze finally reopened.
Yeah! Took 'em long enough.
What, one black light falls on a kid,
and you have to close for a year?
Well, COVID.
Oh, right. Well, listen.
We should go later tonight.
Yeah. And there's
that Mediterranean place next door.
We could fuel up first.
I mean, if that's… cool.
Why wouldn't it be?
Because of my views on the Greeks?
What? No. I'm just trying to be good
about the boundaries
that you and Brian set up.
Oh, no, it's not like a date.
As long as whatever we're doing
ends in sex,
it's like the laser tag
is just extended foreplay.
Right. Foreplay surrounded by teenagers
and cardboard aliens.
-I been turned on by worse.
-Me too.
-Okay, state your name for the record.
-Glenn Sturgis.
Why are you writing that down?
That's the right answer.
No, no, this is what lawyers do,
they might take notes.
But you can't let that distract you.
Oh, mind games!
Oh, okay, well, sure, Yeah, game on.
[sighs deeply]
Check and mate. Ohh…
[inhales]
Sure. Uh, also, they might let
a quiet moment hang
after you've answered a question.
Silences are uncomfortable,
and so people will try to fill them,
and then end up saying more.
Oh, okay. Got it. No problem.
[Glenn sighs deeply]
Ha. What is this?
Are you doing it now?
Are you mad at me?
Did you find out that I accidentally hit
your car in the parking lot?
Because it was just a scratch!
You think you're so perfect, you know?
Well, I used to have
a body like that once.
[sighs]
So, you know, so check out
your future, you fart face!
Okay. So, some things to work on.
-[knock]
-Hey, Mateo, it's Eugene.
This is what I look like in a mask.
Yeah, I can tell it's you. Hi.
I got a subpoena.
I guess, 'cause the lawyers think
I'm Glenn's assistant,
and wanna depose me?
Oh, crap. Right.
Don't worry. I'm just gonna go in there
and explain our situation.
How, on paper, you know,
you still work in the Vision Center,
and I'm "Glenn's assistant."
What? No. Eugene, you can't.
Our, our arrangement isn't
exactly above board.
Just… pretend you're Glenn's assistant.
But if I lie under oath,
they'll send me to jail.
If you tell them the truth,
it's gonna ruin my whole life.
[Mateo] Please?
I'm supposed to get
my ankle monitor off today.
I might even be a boot guy now.
-You're not a boot guy.
-People change!
Whatever. You can't go in there.
Well, I kinda have to
'cause of the subpoena,
but I'll them that you really
don't wanna be in trouble.
Hey. You gotta do
what you believe is right.
Right.
Why don't you stay here,
and I'll go see if they're ready for you.
[Mateo] Okay?
Eugene? Did you lock me out?
No! I didn't even touch the door!
Oh, no!
The door must be stuck!
Hey, Dina, Brett wants to go home,
because of his sciatica?
Is that a real thing,
or is it like when Isaac needed Friday off
for an appointment with his Mandalorian?
Hang on. What do you think's going on
between Garrett and that woman?
Uh, I don't know.
Looks like he's helping
some girl with a dead tree.
Yeah, but it seemed like she was laughing.
If anything, he should be laughing at her
for that ridiculous return.
Oh, my God. Are you jealous?
What? No, I'm dating Brian.
I don't know. You and Garrett
have been hanging out a lot lately,
so, kinda feels like you guys
"like" like each other.
No, we don't "like" like each other,
because we're not 12-year-olds
at archery camp.
We are adults in a complex relationship
where I am the hinge
between a romantic primary
and a sexual secondary.
I've never been a hinge before.
Well, one time,
the exterminator walked in on us
and, like, kinda lingered,
but I guess that doesn't count.
No. That's just exterminators.
Jesus! What is this?
Ladies' Night at Customer Service?
On the day of the incident,
Glenn Sturgis was floor supervisor.
Yes, he was.
To the best of your knowledge,
did Mr. Sturgis make
any modifications to the robot?
Uh, no, Glenn would never
do anything like that.
Glenn's a bit of a technophobe, you know?
He, he keeps his radio dialed
to the Christmas station all year round
'cause he's worried he's not gonna be
able to find his way back.
So it's your understanding
that he generally avoided the robot.
Oh, absolutely.
So that would include performing
the required maintenance
and software updates.
Uh, I'm sorry?
That's the responsibility
of a floor supervisor.
Oh, uh… huh. I…
[funny voice]
I did not know that.
[chuckles]
A skipped or improperly performed update
could have resulted in the electrocution
of my client, so…
Yeah, well, I, I mean,
I'm sure Glenn tried to do the updates.
[inhales deeply]
This, this is not, like, to, to, you know,
fill the silence, or whatever.
But just to say it,
shouldn't, shouldn't there have been
like a technician or something involved?
I mean, I feel like it's unfair
to expect somebody like Glenn--
"Somebody like Glenn"?
Is there a competence issue?
No! No, no! Glenn is…
Can be… uh, competent,
uh, in, in a lot of ways.
Could… Do you wanna,
do you wanna jump in here?
This lawsuit is against
the Cloud 9 corporation.
But it sounds like you're saying
that Mr. Sturgis, as an individual,
is responsible for the injury.
-It's not your turn to ask questions.
-Thank you.
But I like that question.
-So I'll ask it.
-I… Objection.
Over, overruled. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, you know what?
I can take care of this for you.
Why don't you just pick out
a different size?
Trying to get her into something
more form-fitting?
Man, Customer Service is just your own
sick little candy store, isn't it?
Uh, and bereavement cards
are on aisle three.
I'm sorry about your sister.
What was that?
Did you really think
I was flirting with her?
Well, it looked like
there was less blood in your face.
-It had to go somewhere.
-I was being pleasant.
And even if I was flirting with her,
who cares?
We're not dating, so I can flirt with,
or date whoever I want.
No, totally. I mean, if that's…
what you want, then knock yourself out.
Date a hundred women.
And you wouldn't have
a problem with that, right?
No! No, I'd be fine.
You'd be the person with the problem,
because you're so bad with names.
Regardless, I'm fine, you're fine.
That lady can throw it around
as much as she wants.
We're all fine!
Anyway.
Hey! I got you
a little congratulations gift
for getting your ankle monitor off,
some fun socks!
Okay, great. Just drop 'em
on the ground and walk away.
-Thanks so much.
-[Eugene] Aw, man, fun socks?
Takes me a pic!
Why is Eugene in your office?
Eugene got stuck!
Apparently, my door got jammed.
[whispering]
He was gonna blab to the lawyers
about our work arrangement.
So you kidnapped him?
No! You can't be kidnapped
if you don't know you're being kidnapped.
Oh. Okay.
So, what's your plan?
I don't have one yet!
While you were out there buying socks,
I was busy dealing with this!
Love the socks, by the way. So thoughtful.
Uh, hey, uh, quick heads-up.
It's, it's looking like
they're targeting Glenn
to take the fall for Carol's lawsuit.
-Ugh.
-Yeah!
The lawyer, she's just like,
like anything you say,
she's just gonna twist
to make it sound like Glenn's incompetent.
What did you say that she twisted?
Oh, me? Uh, well, for me, it was, uh…
I might've… I said something
along the lines of Glenn…
uh, being incompetent.
Mm. Don't see how that got twisted.
Jonah, why would you say that?
Glenn can't afford to get sued.
He has a two-year-old,
and his health is, like, so bad.
Yeah. Yeah, got it. Yeah, no.
Stomach cramps on full blast already.
-Oh, hey, there's Carol, everybody.
-Hey, Carol, can you talk to your lawyer?
Jonah screwed up royally,
and now she's going after Glenn.
Oh, no, I hate to hear that.
But gotta let the lawyers
do their job, right?
[inhales]
Now, what should I name my boat?
I'm leaning toward "Wet Ride,"
but I'm open to other ideas.
Look, all you guys have to do
is go in there,
and, and make Glenn sound
like he's, you know, good at his job.
Which he is!
-[upbeat music]
-And when the system went down,
Glenn put in everybody's hours
for the previous week from memory.
-Hmm.
-And why did the system go down?
Because somebody spilled juice
on the clock-in machine.
Oh, was there a… child in the back area?
No. It was an adult
that was running away with juice,
'cause they weren't
supposed to be drinking it.
And this adult was…
Bad at running with juice.
Would you say that
Glenn Sturgis is a competent manager?
Is this off the record, or…
-This is all under oath.
-Under… Great.
Oh, boy. Okay. Glenn is… What is Glenn?
Glenn is, you know, ha!
He is… It's… The thing…
The thing is, about him…
Glenn and I, we're top dogs
in this doghouse.
Why? Competence.
Jonah's… the most competent.
Then Dina, obviously.
Preeti is probably up there too.
Uh…
Oh, Mateo. Jeez. Okay.
Glenn can… handle phone calls,
yeah, uh, keep things in binders…
Oh! He wears clothes. Uh…
Honestly, when you add it up,
he can do, like,
probably hundreds of things.
Uh, I said… Garrett yet?
Did I mention Garrett?
So there's gonna be Jonah,
Dina, Garrett, Preeti, me,
depending on the week…
Glenn Sturgis is…
Mmm…
Could you repeat the question?
He has a weird voice. Like…
[mimicking Glenn]
"Okay, everybody… "
So, Eugene, you're Glenn's assistant.
Eugene O'Malley is Glenn's assistant, yes.
Oh, well, you can just say "I."
Eugene O'Malley just thinks
a little differently.
Have you met Alan?
Oh, my God, I forgot about Alan!
Okay, do you have a whiteboard?
This isn't working.
Carol's lawyer is relentless.
We, we can't let them pin it all on Glenn.
[Glenn] Pin what on me?
Not something, I hope.
-[quirky music sting]
-[sighs]
[Glenn] Why is this happening to me?
Why do people think that
I'm at fault for Carol's electrocution?
Uh, well, so, uh,
when I was trying to defend you,
uh, we were talking
about the, the robot malfunction,
and I may have suggested that you were…
a, a little less than 100% competent.
-You said that?
-Yeah.
You don't think I'm competent?
No, Glenn, that's…
-It came out wrong--
-No, no.
I'm, I'm happy to find out
what you really think of me.
But I may have to take
your picture out of my wallet.
Glenn, come on.
What picture is this again?
[Eugene] One, two…
-[thuds]
-[Eugene groans]
Oh, no! I can't believe that didn't work.
Looks like I'm really stuck, you guys.
I think I may have
to reschedule my deposition.
Oh, hey, I just spoke with Carol's lawyer,
and she said
Eugene could do his deposition
through the door if you wanted.
What?
She gave me the questions
to ask and everything.
He could do his deposition now with us,
and be done with it.
Well, it's, it's a little unorthodox,
but I'll allow it.
Uh, so, the first question is…
-Where were you born?
-Where was I born?
[Mateo] Yeah, I know.
It seems like it has nothing to do
with Carol's lawsuit.
But that's the first question.
Well, it's a pretty crazy story, uh…
I was born in a hospital
in Jefferson City, Missouri.
White mom, white dad.
Hey, Dina, a lot of people have questions
about this email you sent.
-Really?
-"Due to recent complaints,
employees at Customer Service
are hereby off-limits
in regards to flirting and/or dating."
Which concept are ya fuzzy on?
Our question is, why did you send it?
Yeah. And did Garrett, like,
specifically say something about me?
'Cause we've been vibing for a while.
No. This is just… standard procedure.
From corporate.
About dating in the workplace.
I think they just wanna stay
a step ahead since it's spring,
and, you know,
everybody's getting horned up.
Hmm. Damn. I really
thought we were vibing.
Dina, this email's wack.
Come on, just admit it. You're jealous.
I mean, it makes sense.
Garrett's like a really nice guy
and funny and cute.
Well, he's off-limits, Cheyenne.
-I just sent the email.
-Okay.
Sorry. It's just I, I guess I have been
spending more time with Garrett,
and I don't know, I, I liked it.
I… I like him.
Aw. Well, that's great.
Oh, but, yeah, probably confusing.
Yeah. 'Cause there's still Brian,
who I also like, so…
Mmm. In tenth grade,
I was caught between Bo
and this guy Darius
that he used to freestyle rap with.
-What did you do?
-I told Bo how I felt, and then…
[laughs]
…he took a poo in the backseat
of Darius's mom's station wagon.
Cheyenne, I had such high hopes,
and I have truly no idea
what to take from that story.
I'm just saying that you
should tell Garrett how you feel
because maybe he feels the same way.
And if he's not willing to take a crap
in the backseat of Brian's car,
then… there's no decision to make.
And April was kinda fun,
because the ducklings
were having a tea party,
and, you know, I'm just imagining them
trying to drink that tea with their beaks.
You know, there's no way
they got all of it.
Excuse me. You can't be in here.
Yeah. I am not leaving
until you hear me out.
This is totally inappropriate.
What's inappropriate, Hannah,
is you all trying to squeeze out
a big payday from this good, kind man.
-Jonah--
-No, Glenn, I got this.
Look at your ducklings.
Sir, could you point to the motherboard
on this robot for me?
-No, I can't.
-No, you can't.
Hannah, can you update
the sim card on the robot?
-No.
-[Jonah] No?
Huh! That's interesting.
Because you all have had
the exact same amount of training
that Cloud 9 gives its floor supervisors.
Jonah, I did it.
-Sorry?
-Well, not at first,
but I watched hours of online videos
and eventually, I figured it out.
That's what I was just showing them.
You know, I kept records of everything,
every update, every new hardware install,
it's all right here in my calendar.
I did everything
that corporate asked me to do.
So I don't know what happened with Carol,
but it is not on me.
Anyway, if there are no further questions,
I have been nervously
holding my pee for six hours,
so I really need to get to a men's room.
Oh, and, Jonah, I don't think
I'll be needing your help
with that either.
-Glenn, you…
-[door opens]
[door closes]
I'm, I'm not going to help…
It's, it's…
Good day.
[quirky music sting]
-Jonah.
-[sighs]
Glenn, hey, look, I… I'm sorry.
I should never have implied
that you were incompetent.
[Jonah inhales deeply]
You've been doing this for a long time,
and, and I should have respected that.
Wow. Silence really works.
I, I just said "Jonah,"
and you completely unloaded.
No, but Glenn, I, I mean it.
I, I should have known that, of course.
You followed all the protocols
and maintenance.
-Mm.
-I trust you.
Aw. Prove it.
What?
If you trust me, then you should have
no problem sticking your hand
inside that robot.
Uh, okay, yeah.
Yeah! I will do that,
because I trust that you made it safe.
-Mm-hm.
-Carol only got hurt,
because she used a screwdriver, right?
So, uh, yeah, I will do that,
and, and let you know how it goes.
Right now's good.
Yeah. Yeah! Great. Yeah.
Yeah. This feels good. This is…
-This feels… Aah!
-Oh!
[bleep]
-I am so--
-[yells]
That should not have happened!
-[bleep]
-What is wrong with this--
-[crackles]
-Aah! God! Fudge!
Hey, uh, maybe we should talk
about some things.
Oh, yeah, I'll start.
Why did I hear from multiple people
that I used to date
that you emailed them
and said that we couldn't talk anymore?
Yeah, here's the thing.
Um… our situation has gotten
a little complicated--
Okay, well, I'll make it
less complicated, I'm done.
What?
Look, I knew this thing
was gonna be fun and weird,
but I was really hoping
that fun would win.
Turns out, it's a blowout for weird.
Fine with me.
I'm with Brian, so…
Uh, I'm still gonna go
to laser tag tonight,
so if you go, maybe we should
do different slots, whatever.
[whispers]
Okay. They left the break room.
The Cloud 9 lawyer said
it was "feeling like a wings night,"
so I think he's leaving.
Eugene? Sandra and I are gonna try
one more thing, okay?
-[both grunting]
-I think we're getting close!
Pull harder, Sandra!
Okay!
[both grunt]
Whoa.
[Sandra] Did you… redecorate?
Yep. I felt so bad keeping Mateo
from his work.
I'm no gay guy, but I hope you like it.
Thanks, Eugene.
See ya.
Wow!
Hey. Don't feel guilty.
You're getting your ankle monitor off!
-[sighs]
-And all Eugene knows is
that the door was stuck,
and he got to redecorate an office.
Right. You're right.
[scoffs]
And I mean, he was barely kidnapped.
We didn't ask for a ransom
or do anything to his nipples.
I don't know, I think
you're gonna need more than sanitizer.
Big deposition fan, huh?
Ah, sorry about all that.
Nah, it was fun.
It was kind of like being
in a haunted house.
I kept waiting for you
to pop out from somewhere else.
[both laugh]
Look, I was just trying to protect Glenn.
From the big, mean lawyer
trying to get her payday.
Look, I get it. I get it.
But you should know
I'm not some sleazy ambulance chaser
with her face on every bus.
-I never--
-I mean, my face is on one bus,
but I had to do it, that's the industry.
[chuckles]
-I was just doing my job.
-No, I know.
And I was just… embarrassing myself.
-Big time!
-Yeah.
[chuckles]
I thought it was kind of sweet, actually.
[Carol] Hannah!
-Let's go get margs, girl!
-Oh, yeah!
You're buying!
Oh, my God, she is the worst.
-[chuckles]
-You didn't hear me say that.
Oh, no, of course not.
Hey, uh, Hannah, um…
Let me know if you have
any other… depositions I can crash.
Oh, yeah.
I'll see what I can do, Mr. Simms.
[soft music sting]