Superstore (2015) s06e11 Episode Script

[quirky music sting]
Again, we're only open
for curbside pickup today.
There won't be any customers
in this store,
so we get to go nuts.
Deep cleaning! Yay!
Think about it like
it's a storewide cavity search.
It's store 1217's turn
to spread its cheeks.
Or think of it as a deep cleaning.
Pretty clear, really.
So, what? Now we have to do a deep clean,
like, every year?
Yeah, one deep clean a year
during a pandemic
does sound a little excessive.
Wow. How has it been a year already?
But also, how has it only been a year?
A whole year wasted.
Jerry and I never even got
to go on our honeymoon.
I had to freeze my edible lingerie.
-Mom, that's gross.
-Oh, sorry.
It's like our whole lives
are just on hold.
[Mateo] Welcome to my world.
Try waiting around to see
if you're gonna get kicked
out of the country.
But I do miss brunch.
Remember ordering a pancake for the table?
[all murmur]
You guys aren't gonna believe this,
but I was almost sad
that we didn't have
our staff Christmas party.
Aw!
But I guess we're all used
to stuff getting canceled by now.
-[all murmur]
-[Glenn] Wait.
Not everything has to be canceled.
We're gonna have
that Christmas party today!
I do have a little leftover eggnog
in my locker.
You keep it, 'cause Garrett and I
are gonna take care of everything.
What, what am I doing?
Oh. I just assumed you'd wanna help
because you missed
the Christmas party so much.
Oh, unless you had
your heart set on cleaning?
Neither of those sound appealing,
but I'll go with the one
with a lower chance
of finding another severed foot.
Okay, so you…
-The party. I'll help plan the party.
-Whoo-hoo!
[upbeat music]
-[playful music]
-[spray hissing]
You know what? This is nice.
-Uh, what's nice?
-Just us.
Back to being platonic friends.
Brian and I back to being
a traditional one-on-one.
Well, not completely traditional.
We're going through batteries like crazy.
Mm-hm.
I just love how not awkward this all is.
Mm, you know what really
makes it not awkward?
-Saying that.
-Totally.
Yeah, same page. Same page.
Well, I will see you
at our next interaction, friend-o!
So, who is she?
You have a very obvious
flirty texting face.
Okay.
Keep it on the down low,
but, uh, Carol's lawyer, Hannah,
followed me on Instagram last week,
and we've been kind of DM-ing.
Oh, my God,
you're dating outside the store?
I'm so proud of you.
Well, nothing has actually happened yet,
but she said that she has to come in
to get Carol's signature on something,
so I'm thinking I might ask her out.
Aw!
Go… get 'em, tiger.
-[both laugh]
-I don't know. What do straight boys say?
No, I mean, you, you nailed it.
That's, that's exactly what we say.
[Jonah] Aw, shoot.
An order just came in
for Ron and Connie Sosa.
I mean, they didn't even really like me
when we were together,
so this is gonna be really awkward.
Well, then let me do it.
-Really?
-Yeah.
You know, I barely met them.
Eric introduced me on a family Zoom once,
but then his uncle revealed
he had a secret family,
so it just went off the rails.
-What?
-Yeah.
But now, I can give them
the best customer service of their lives,
-and they'll love me forever.
-Yeah, sure. Then go for it.
Uh, keep an eye out for a red Prius.
It smells like cough drops inside,
but I don't think
you'll need to know that.
[Glenn] Oh, Garrett.
You've got quite the gift
for snowflake placement.
Thank you.
I think my secret is, I don't care.
[Sandra] This is gonna be so nice.
It almost makes me wish we could celebrate
the other holidays we missed too.
[Marcus] Yeah, like Halloween.
I was dressed
in full head-to-toe Shrek makeup,
in my living room, for no one.
St. Patrick's Day, Fourth of July…
My first Mother's Day.
I had always dreamed
of going to Sweet Tomatoes,
and hitting that salad bar, soups,
serve-yourself froyo…
[clicks tongue]
I don't wanna talk about it.
Well, you know what?
Maybe we can celebrate all the holidays.
You know, uh, have an All-iday Party!
-Do you get it? All the holidays?
-[all cheer]
Yeah. Yeah, that's genius.
[laughs sarcastically]
Yeah, but I just think
that maybe we got our hands full
with, uh, one holiday.
Don't forget about Thanksgiving, man.
You know, the one
with the pilgrims and the turkey?
Yeah, no, I, I know
what Thanksgiving is, but…
All right, sure. Yes, we'll all
have Thanksgiving dinner too.
-Okay?
-That's cool.
Wow, this party is gonna be great
once it all comes together, eventually.
Are you kidding me, Glenn?
Cooking Thanksgiving dinner?
-Well--
-That's, that's too much work!
Yeah, but not after the tough year
that they've all had.
I mean, look at poor Nia.
She's never gotten to celebrate
any of the holidays with us.
It's okay.
I do those with family and friends.
Well, you're gonna forget all about them
once you've partied with us at work.
All-iday!
Hey, are the floor cleaners almost ready?
We're just pushing that…
[sniffs]
Whoa, it reeks of chemicals in here.
We should air this out.
Oh, yeah. Good idea.
[sighs]
That fresh air feels nice
on my face and eyebrows.
Dina, are you okay?
[sniffs]
Hmm?
Oh, I just feel a little lightheaded.
I should probably sit down.
You're already sitting.
What?
Oh.
I think maybe you got
a little high from the fumes.
Wait, could you repeat that, but slower?
I think I might be a little…
Oh, no.
[Jonah] Drive safe.
Oh, there they are. Red Prius.
Okay, watch, I'm gonna get rid
of these other cars,
so they don't have to wait in line.
-VIP treatment.
-Cool.
I'm gonna go… hide. I mean, not hide, but…
Yeah, I'm, I'm gonna go hide.
Okay.
Sorry, your order's not ready.
Uh, don't you need my order number?
Nope! Don't need it.
It's not ready. Take a lap.
Come on. Take a lap. Keep going.
Come on. Keep going. Take a lap.
Thank you. Thank you.
[Mateo] All right. Time to shine.
-[car horn honking]
-Keep going. Take…
[car horn honks]
Excuse me, I said take
a [bleep] lap, okay?
Mateo!
We just honked to say hi.
Connie. Ron.
[chuckles nervously]
Oh, my God, guys.
Hi…
[exhales shakily]
-[sighs]
-So you didn't give them their order?
Well, I couldn't let them drive away
thinking I'm some sort of yelling,
foul-mouthed dockworker!
I'm so sorry.
I guess they got a new car.
Doesn't matter.
Look, it was an accident, okay?
I'm sure they'll forgive you.
Like they forgave you for taking a dump
all over Emma's quinceañera?
I mean, I wouldn't say…
I mean, that…
They, they were really
different after that.
Just help me make it up to them.
Like, what's some stuff they would like?
Um, okay. Uh, let's see.
I know Connie collects
those little porcelain child figurines.
Something in the store
I can put in their order, please!
Right, yes. Oh, they both love the, um,
those fancy kettle chips.
You know, the, the,
the sea salt and cracked pepper?
Okay. It's worth a try.
I mean, I've gotta do something.
Eric is the best,
and I do not wanna mess things up.
Yeah! Eric is the best.
He's so, like, comfortable in his own skin
and, like, cool without even trying.
Okay, calm down, because he's taken.
Like you want me to ♪
And I'll hold you tight ♪
Baby, all through the night… ♪
So it turns out that
pumpkins are definitely not in season,
so I thought maybe we could carve these
into jack-o'-lanterns.
I don't think you can carve oranges,
but I just put a hand turkey on a menorah,
so I guess anything's on the table.
Hey, guys!
We just wanted to take
a sneak peek, if that's okay.
[Justine] I don't know
what you guys were planning,
but for St. Patrick's Day, my aunt makes
this amazing Irish soda bread.
Kind of thought this covered it.
Oh. Okay.
It's just, I was missing
that soda bread this year.
That, and my aunt's hot son.
Aye-oh!
[chuckles]
Well, I've never actually made
soda bread before,
but I could take a shot at it.
Since you guys are taking suggestions…
-We're not--
-My girlfriend and I were gonna paint mugs
for each other for Valentine's Day.
I was gonna do a raptor on hers.
It would've been sick.
Okay, so you're saying that you want us
to set up a mug painting station?
No, no. Uh, Garrett, it's okay.
I, I just need a pen and a piece of paper
to write all these great ideas down.
Yeah, they're great. Hey, uh, Glenn?
[whispers]
You don't need to kill yourself.
Yeah, but come on.
You see how badly they need this.
-[sighs]
-[Glenn] Okay!
So, who's got requests? Let me hear it.
My mom makes this menudo for noche buena.
[sighs]
Next level.
Uh, I don't know.
I don't think you should eat
anything back here.
It smells like garbage and raccoon pee.
It's not pee. It's placenta.
They keep nesting in here.
I just need to find these salt
and vinegar cookies.
I know we stuck some back here
after they were recalled.
[cell phone buzzes]
[gasps]
It's Brian.
-I can't talk to him like this.
-Why not?
Bo and I always help each other
if we're high.
I mean, this one time,
I got scared of hair,
so he shaved all the dogs for us.
It was really sweet.
No, I, I just don't want Brian to know.
I don't want anyone to know.
It's embarrassing.
Look at me!
I just invaded a raccoon's nest
looking for cookies
that will definitely make me sick.
Oh! Thank God! Here they are.
And we saw your special request,
and warmed up that cottage cheese for you.
So good luck.
[Ron clears throat]
Hey, Jonah!
You're not gonna say hi?
Ron! Uh, hey, Connie.
What, uh, what are you…
I, I didn't even recognize you guys
with the masks.
[chuckles]
Hi!
Could you tell us
what's going on with our order?
Uh, oh, yeah. I'm sure it'll be out soon.
I… Mateo's doing everything he can
to make it perfect for you.
Well, I told my online poker room "BRB,"
so he's kind of making me
look like a liar.
Yeah, uh…
Look, um, Mateo just kind of wants to
get off on the right foot with you guys.
You know what I mean?
Between us, he's not even
supposed to be working curbside.
He just saw this as an opportunity
to, you know, win your approval,
you know, for his future with Eric.
-Our approval?
-Like, our blessing?
Uh, yeah, I mean, you know,
whatever you wanna call it, so…
-Our baby's getting married!
-Oh! Oh, no!
-No, no, no. That's not--
-It's okay.
We won't tell Mateo you told us.
Connie's really good at acting surprised.
-[Connie] Oh, yeah.
-Cool. Just to be clear, though--
Hey, guys! So sorry for the delay.
I threw in a couple of extra kettle chips
to make it up to you.
Ay, dios mío.
[chuckles]
I'm so surprised.
-[Connie giggles]
-Our son is lucky to have you.
Wow, you really love kettle chips.
[chuckles]
Mateo, by the way,
if you wanna talk to us,
maybe we can go inside.
-Somewhere a little more comfortable?
-[Mateo] Uh.
Sure! Absolutely!
Uh, right now?
What about your poker game, Ron?
Hey, some things are more important.
-[Jonah] Ah.
-[Ron] Come on.
[Connie] Jonah.
-Park the car.
-Oh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Happy to help.
It's so nice to be able
to sit down in person.
I bet you thought
I was just shoulders with a head.
-[both laugh]
-We did!
That's funny, huh?
-So funny.
-[all laugh]
Hey, uh, Mateo,
can I talk to you for a minute?
Uh, there's a, uh,
there's a curbside emergency.
Uh-huh. Sure.
Oh, look. I even got legs.
[both laugh]
Uh, so Ron and Connie
are kind of expecting you
to ask their blessing to… marry Eric.
What? Why?
Do kettle chips mean something
in Honduran culture that I'm not aware of?
I told them that you wanted
to make a good impression,
and they made some leaps.
To marriage?
Eric and I aren't even talking about that!
Look, just say that you're not ready.
You know, that's, that's reasonable.
You, you can even say that it's my fault.
It was your fault, but now they like me,
and I'm not gonna screw that up.
You have to come back with me.
-Oh, no. I, I can't.
-Please, Jonah.
They're not gonna expect me
to ask if you're there.
-Mateo, I'm not--
-So I can be the blameless angel,
and you can just be… the weirdo
who likes to hang out
with his ex's parents.
-I feel like there has to be a better way.
-Connie, Ron! Jonah's gonna join us.
He misses you guys.
[microwave beeps]
Ow! Hot, hot! Hot, hot, hot! Ow!
Okay, so now, all I gotta do
is pick out the mushrooms
from the cream of mushroom,
the way that Don's gam-gam does it,
and I think we'll pretty much be all done!
What the hell is that?
Oh! That's Garfield.
I made him 'cause Sandra
was really missing seeing him
in the Thanksgiving Day Parade.
Oh, well, now she'll see him
every time she closes her eyes.
-Oh!
-Come on, Garrett.
It's just Garfield.
No, no, no. Glenn, turn around.
But slowly.
No! Come on, guys. That food's for us!
-[raccoons chittering]
-No, I mean it! Seriously!
Guys. Guys.
Guys!
Oh, God. Hey, real quick.
How do you talk to people again?
Oh, just act normal.
No one's even gonna know.
-Right. Normal.
-[Sandra] Dina.
Can you help us with this?
We can't figure out how to use it.
[whispers]
It's okay.
Okay, first of all,
I would like to thank you
for starting a conversation with me.
Um, you asked me a question,
which means now…
it's my turn to answer it, so…
-You just grip it firmly.
-[Sandra] Mm.
Almost as though the scrubber
is an extension of your arms.
Kind of like you got two long,
industrial cleaning arms.
[chuckles]
Not that I think
that those are my actual arms.
I know I have normal arms.
Just a couple of, uh, flesh tubes,
filled with blood.
Yo, are you high right now?
What did you just say to me?
Uh, so you guys know the arm thing now,
and you can take it from here.
[whispers]
We gotta go.
I think I'm starting to hallucinate.
[Cheyenne] No, it's…
Dina.
And yet he ended up
getting the answer right anyway,
and wins the game.
Okay, thank you
for walking us through the plot
of Slumdog Millionaire,
a movie that we said we've all seen.
Uh-huh, yeah. No problem.
Jonah, don't let us keep you
if you have to go back to work.
I am sure Mateo would love
some alone time with us anyway.
[chuckles nervously]
Yeah, Jonah.
Kind of awkward
you're just sticking around.
Well, uh, I am on the clock.
-[whimpers]
-But, no. No!
I, I am not going anywhere. No.
We, we've got some catching up to do.
So is that recipe you sent me a joke,
or would I be making
the vegan bacon for my enemies?
Hey, it's uh… you!
[chuckles]
Hi. I'm Hannah.
Hannah! These, these are my friends,
Ron and Connie.
-He used to date our daughter.
-Till he dumped her.
-Oh.
-Ah, that's not true.
I didn't even wanna break up.
I mean, I'm glad I did.
Because it made me a better person.
Not that Amy made me a bad person!
Uh, anyway, Carol's here somewhere,
so you should go to, to her.
Cool.
[sighs]
Jonah, don't be rude.
[chuckles]
Tell us all the vegan bacon recipe!
Yes! Uh…
Okay, enough.
Jonah's not picking up
on social cues, as usual,
so I'll just ask the question.
Mateo, do you want our blessing
to marry our son?
Mm-hm. Yep.
-That I do.
-[gasps]
Oh, I'm so surprised!
[laughs]
Okay, I think we can make this work.
You know, we'll just pick the fur out,
and, you know,
and then sort of smush it back together,
and then let the good times roll.
Come on, Glenn. It's fine.
We'll just tell people the party's off.
No! People deserve a good time.
Come on. We can fix this.
Garrett, why aren't you picking
and smushing?
'Cause I'm not gonna do that, dude!
Just get over it.
There's nothing you can do
to make people happy.
That's just the way it is.
The pandemic happened,
and everybody had a [bleep] year.
You don't think I know that?
Look, I gotta try to give them something!
I mean, people have been working nonstop
for so long, risking their health,
you know, and, and then
we didn't even get Christmas.
You know, we had to stay
at home eating baloney sandwiches
and watching church on Facebook Live!
I… People have missed out on so much.
And I just wanna give them,
like, one little ray of sunshine,
but I guess not!
Not in this… piece of crap year!
Oh, no, no, no.
[in muffled voice]
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm eating raccoon fur.
And I don't care!
So that's all I need from you.
I'll give you a call
if there's any updates.
Great. And did you get my text
about which employees here
I think are circumcised?
I did. Yes.
Uh, I'm sorry.
How do you think that helps?
You're the lawyer.
Hey.
So, um, look, I'm sorry about before.
I didn't mean to blow you off or anything.
-It was just, like, a little awkward--
-Oh, no. That's fine.
I, I think it's totally cool
that you're friends
with your ex-girlfriend's parents.
But I'm really not.
Oh, good. Because that was weird.
It was, like, a massive red flag.
[both laugh]
Uh, look, this might violate
some professional ethics or something,
and I know you just came
to get Carol's signature--
Well, I usually have my clients e-sign.
Oh. Uh, okay.
Well, then, would you maybe
wanna get dinner this weekend?
-Yeah, I, I would.
-All right.
Now, my dad only eats Italian,
and my mom is gonna
want it early, like five-ish.
Oh, okay. Yeah. No.
I, I figured. I figured as much.
I mean, it wouldn't be a date without, um…
I wanna say Barb and Mitch?
Hm, sure, let's say Barb and Mitch.
Great. Yeah, no. I think the four of us
are gonna have a great time together.
[laughs]
Okay.
[overlapping chatter]
So, where do we paint the mugs?
-You don't.
-Uh, what about the Irish soda bread?
-The raccoons ate it.
-[sighs]
[overlapping chatter]
All right. Look.
Okay, guys, you know what?
Sure, this party looks like
A Charlie Brown Hoarders Special,
but for once, you guys
have to do the people-pleasing,
because Glenn has been
doing it all day, all year.
You know what? He's been doing it
since he started working here.
So here's what's gonna happen,
you guys are gonna enjoy
this weird-ass little party,
'cause that's what Glenn wants.
Got it?
I'll put vodka in the punch.
-Now that's what I'm talking about.
-[Justine] Yes.
[all murmuring]
Hey, fiancé.
[sighs]
Oh, God. What parts did you hear?
Not much, since my mom was crying a lot,
but I was able to catch
that we're getting married?
Okay, I swear this is all Jonah's fault.
It's fine.
I'm sure Parker will get a new tooth soon,
and they'll forget
that we promised them a big wedding.
[sighs in relief]
Yeah.
Although…
That's a pretty big "although"
to leave hanging.
[sighs]
I don't know.
I've been trying not
to think about my future
just 'cause it's so up
in the air with my status,
and, you know, everything being hell, but…
I'm just sick
of putting everything on hold.
So, yeah, I wanna marry you someday.
Not that I even know
if that's something you want--
But it is.
Really?
We should start talking about it.
[sighs in relief]
I just would've preferred we talk about it
before my mom started sending me
photos of matching white tuxes.
[laughs]
Oh.
We would never do matching
white tuxes, by the way.
Never!
I don't know, Jerusha.
I don't think I need
a pepperoni casserole right now.
I need a time machine.
[Garrett] Will Glenn Sturgis please report
to the warehouse?
Glenn. Sturgis. Warehouse.
Uh, I gotta go.
Deck the halls ♪
-Deck the halls ♪
-[background chatter]
Deck the halls ♪
Deck the halls ♪
See the blazing yule before us ♪
Fa-la-la-la-la ♪
Wow! This is wonderful.
Yeah, I gotta say, Glenn, I was wrong.
People seem to really like the party.
Yeah, I know!
Look at the look of childlike wonder
on Brett's face.
Deck the halls ♪
Aw!
-Oh!
-Hey!
-[grunts]
-[all cheering]
[laughter]
Are those potatoes?
Do people know they have candy in Ireland?
Shh, we're not questioning it.
-Great party, Glenn!
-Oh!
[Garrett laughs]
Hey, friend-o! How was the deep clean?
Did you guys find
any vintage COVID from April?
Oh, uh, yeah. Everything was great.
Dina was especially normal.
It's okay. It's Garrett.
I was high today.
What? Are you serious?
Well, I wanna know everything.
Context, embarrassing anecdotes,
the whole nine yards.
Okay. So it all started first thing
in the morning, right?
And hearts will be glowing ♪
When loved ones are near ♪
Hey, everybody! It's snowing!
It's an All-iday miracle!
Oh, the most wonderful time ♪
Of the year ♪
[all grunting]
It's been snowing for months.
[Dina] Close the door! Jesus, Glenn!