Superstore (2015) s06e13 Episode Script

[Cheyenne] Sorry, we're low
on shopping carts.
They haven't sent us new ones in a while,
and a bunch of ours got busted,
'cause some teens turned them
into BattleBots.
Oh, yeah. I saw that on YouTube.
-Did that kid survive?
-Oh, well, kinda.
They couldn't fully get the wheel out, so…
Oh, uh, excuse me.
Oh, sir? Sorry, you can't open those
until you pay for them.
Oh, that's all right. I'm Lowell Anderson.
Okay, cool.
-[Cheyenne] You still have to…
-Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
-You're, you're Lowell Anderson!
-Yes.
Cheyenne, this is Lowell Anderson!
Cool. The more I hear it,
the more it just sounds
like a furniture store.
No, but the son of Doug Anderson,
the founder of Cloud 9!
Except Lowell's the one
that took it international,
and made it what it is today.
To what do we owe this honor?
Oh, well, I was in town on business,
and I enjoy visiting my stores.
And using public restrooms
keeps me grounded.
I read that in your book!
Well, thank you.
Um, sorry… Would you mind
if I took a photo?
This is a huge deal for me.
Oh, of course, sure.
-Okay. Cheyenne, please. Thanks.
-Oh, okay.
I'm Glenn Sturgis. I'm the co-manager.
And this is Cheyenne Taylor Lee.
-Uh-huh, okay.
-She's the floor supervisor--
-Let's take the photo now.
-Yeah.
[upbeat music]
Please give a warm welcome
to Cloud 9 royalty,
Mr. Lowell Anderson.
[applause]
It's an honor, sir.
Dina Fox, co-manager,
12-time employee of the month,
highest quarterly shrink
reduction in the region 2013,
never taken a vacation day.
Oh, me neither. How 'bout sick days?
Nope, I was out for 49 hours
when I gave birth.
-Ha! Then I win.
-Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
Mr. Anderson is not
your typical heartless businessman.
My father had a hardware store,
Sturgis and Sons,
and Cloud 9 undersold us
and put us out of business.
But my dad said you were always
a gentleman about it.
Even took him out to dinner on the night
that the store closed for good.
Wow, mensch alert.
[applause]
I'm sorry, did we not hear
the put him out of business part?
Wow, so you're Frank Sturgis' son.
-Yes, sir.
-[chuckles]
I remember that night.
-He remembers!
-Yeah.
I mean, I'm still sharp as a tack up here.
Yep, still asking all the big questions.
-Wow.
-For example, these, uh…
These vests, why?
Because the employee handbook
says we have to wear them.
Yeah, but how are we gonna get
inside the heads of our customers
if we're separating ourselves from them?
No vests today.
Everybody, take your vests off.
-Get 'em off!
-[Dina] You heard him, take the vests off.
-Let's go.
-[Lowell] Get your vests off.
-Would you like the polos also, sir?
-[chuckles]
No, just the vests.
-Okay, you can leave that on, Sandra.
-Oh, okay.
Ah, you still look stuffy.
-[scoffs]
-[Lowell] Here!
Wear one of these. Like a customer would.
"The only thing I like more
than beer is twins."
Don't you already have that shirt at home?
-And you. Change that hair.
-Mm-hm?
Oh, the, the hair? Uh, how?
Well, something groundbreaking.
Surprise me.
Your hair should literally surprise me.
-Okay.
-Go, do it now.
Well, yes, sir,
I was gonna give you the grand tour,
but maybe Cheyenne could do it.
Oh, okay.
Do you have to pee before we get started?
-Nope.
-No? Last chance.
Oh, actually now I have to pee.
Yep.
-[sniffing]
-How long has this been going on? ♪
[sniffs]
How long… ♪
[giggling]
Oh, hey, girl!
Were we meeting today?
Uh, I just came to see Jonah.
That's all, quick hello.
I see. Get it, girl.
Get it, then forget it.
You know what I mean?
-I just…
-[Jonah] I, I don't.
See ya later.
[chuckles]
She's my client. I represent her.
Oh, yeah, no.
You, you took out student loans
to become a lawyer to represent her.
[groans]
At least it's almost over.
Just a few more depositions.
Last night was annoying.
I had to depose your old manager.
And her video must have frozen
a hundred times.
Oh, uh, you talked to Amy?
Yeah, her connection was terrible.
I guess she's in some cabin
up in the mountains.
Oh, nice, nice.
Um, did she happen to say
who she was there with?
Work retreat, big group?
I didn't ask. Why?
Nothing. Yeah, no.
She just never seemed to, uh…
outdoorsy. Anyway, this weekend.
-Right.
-I wish we could really go out.
Just like hit the club, you know?
-Mm-hm.
-Just dance.
Should I have told Lowell Anderson
about our new MERV 13 filters?
Yeah, the whole time I was like,
why isn't she mentioning that?
-Yeah, I know.
-[Garrett] Oh, you know what?
Here, you had a delivery come in for you.
Oh, Brian made me some dried fruit.
He's getting really good at it.
Look how small. That is, like, 40 pears.
That seems like too many pears, but cool.
[sighs]
-Huh.
-What?
Oh, he's just surprising me
with a visit this weekend.
You seem more excited about the fruit.
Yeah, well, the truth is,
I'm planning on ending things with Brian.
I just thought I had a couple more weeks
before I had to deal with it,
but looks like it's dump o'clock.
It's tough, you know?
Normally, I would just tell him
I'm no longer stimulated by him
mentally or physically.
But Brian's such a good guy.
He deserves better.
I just want him to look back, and think,
"You know, that was nice."
Yeah, there's no such thing
as a nice break up.
Just make it quick and clean.
Rip off the Band-Aid.
Wow. Quick and clean.
-You cannot wait for me to be single.
-Oh, no, that's not what this is about.
Look at you.
You're literally glowing at the idea.
Okay.
Why are you on Emma's social media?
-I wasn't.
-Yes, you were.
That picture was when she went
to the Santa Cruz Boardwalk,
and wore a gray sweater
with a llama on it.
-Are you stalking Amy?
-No, I'm not stalking. I just…
Look, I, I heard that
she was up in the mountains,
and I was curious to see
if she took the kids, that's all.
Hmm, do you think
she went up there with a guy?
It's none of my business, okay?
I was just wondering about Emma.
Which is less weird. I think.
I can help you figure out
if she's with someone.
I've been monitoring
her social media for months.
I print out the good ones,
and I put them up on a board.
Look, it's fine. Thank you.
I… It was just bugging me, you know?
Like when you get a tune stuck
in your head,
and you can't remember
what the song is. It's no big deal.
Um, have you been monitoring
all of our social media?
Yep, I even know
about everyone's fake accounts.
Huh.
People have fake accounts? That's weird.
Is it, Scott McPhee?
Who only follows organic farms
and influencer underwear ladies.
You know, people like to call me
the Elon Musk of big-box stores,
but to me, he's the Lowell Anderson of,
you know, whatever it is he does.
Yuck, that's mealy. Mm.
Actually, I just remembered,
um, it's almost lunchtime.
You probably have to head out
to some fancy fish and strawberries place.
Oh, no. I got all day.
You know, when I visit my stores,
I like to get involved.
You know, really roll up my sleeves.
Oh, cool. I bet your elbows are rad.
Oh, hold on.
[Lowell] Oh, look at that.
That customer couldn't get
a feel for that blender,
because of all this damn packaging.
You know, the customer wants
to have a hands-on experience
with the product, but…
[clicks tongue]
You know what?
Let's take everything out of the boxes.
Everything? Like, in the whole store?
Maybe we should talk the idea through
before we decide if it's… good.
You know, I don't really expect you
to grasp this kind of
out-of-the-box thinking.
[chuckles]
But I'll tell you what.
Just for now, let's go with my idea.
And once you build
a billion-dollar company,
we'll go with one of your ideas.
[blows nose]
[sighs]
All right, let's empty these boxes.
-[quirky music sting]
-Ew!
Sorta straight. Yeah.
-Glenn.
-Sorry, one second.
I'm on the phone with a fancy hair salon.
Yes, but it just needs to be,
you know, groundbreaking.
Well, you're the expert,
Trinity, you tell me.
Okay, no, that's good.
All right, I'll see you soon.
[chuckles]
Love you! Sorry, that was strange.
I'm a little nervous. Love you. Bye.
What's up?
Lowell was just saying that
he wants the store to be more "hands-on,"
and I just worry that his ideas
might be slightly…
fully wack.
Okay, look, Lowell's methods
may seem strange,
but that's because we're not
on his level intellectually.
I mean, this morning,
I watched a squirrel unwrap
a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup for an hour.
Glenn, you have to get TikTok.
That's, like, literally all it is.
I know, I know.
Look, just do whatever Lowell wants, 'kay?
And I'm sorry. I'm in a rush.
Trinity's working out
of her aunt's kitchen,
and we have to wrap it up
before the cacciatore prep starts.
[sighs]
[Tony] So we're taking it all
out of the boxes?
-[Mateo] I guess.
-[Dina] Mateo.
You seem like someone
who's gotten dumped a lot.
Because of the shirt?
You heard him tell me to wear it.
No, it's more your whole thing
feels like it would be a lot.
So what's the nicest way
you've been broken up with?
I told you, there's no nice way to do it.
-You just gotta rip off the Band-Aid.
-He's right.
Just don't use any
of those insulting clichés, you know?
"It's not you, it's me."
Yeah, or "I think
we'd be better as friends."
"When I look at you, all I see is Shrek."
When Sophia broke up with me,
she said, "I don't think I'm ready
to date someone as great as you."
[all murmur]
You want them to know
that the breakup is hard for you,
so try to look sad, but not too sad.
I aim to be as sad as possible
while still looking hot.
It'd be easier
to just let him break up with you.
Be mean. Start pointless arguments.
It's actually super fun.
[Sandra] So, about Amy.
I told you, I'm letting it go.
I think I know where she's staying.
Three days ago,
Amy posted this car selfie.
Note the parka.
Now, look at the sign reflected
in her sunglasses.
Wonderland Cabins.
That's where she is.
Okay, this is, um, an invasion of privacy.
You think I could follow this trail
if she wasn't leaving breadcrumbs?
She wants to be caught.
Caught… going on vacation?
Here's the phone number.
-Come on, don't you wanna know?
-[sighs]
Okay, all right. Look.
I'm gonna make one call,
and then this whole thing is over, okay?
Totally.
Hi, uh…
I'm wondering if you have anybody staying
in your cabins by the name of Amy Sosa?
You don't? Okay.
Oh, uh, do you have anybody
by the name of Bethany?
Sometimes when she travels,
she tells people her name is Bethany.
-It's like her name tag thing, you know?
-Yeah, that never got old.
You do?
Oh, um…
Do you know if, um, if she's there
with one person, multiple people?
I asked because I, I wanna
send them a long sandwich,
and I wanna know how long
the sandwich should be.
Uh-huh.
She, she checked in with a, a gentleman.
[whispers]
What's his name?
Sorry, she's…
She's what? She's…
She's in the parking lot
giving lizard tattoos.
Okay, thank you so much for your help.
Amy's giving lizard tattoos?
No, Bethany is giving lizard tattoos.
Right, "Bethany."
No, no, it's not Amy. It's Bethany.
Right, not Amy.
You will feel better when it's done.
Just…
-[video call ringing]
-[exhales]
-Hey, you!
-Hey, you got a minute?
Yeah, what's up?
Did you get the dried fruit?
Yeah, no, they were very small.
Um, so, look…
[sighs deeply]
I just wanted to say that…
[quavers]
I'm sorry.
I didn't think I was gonna get emotional.
But I'm not too emotional.
Dina, is everything okay?
Is everything okay?
See, this is just like you,
always asking probing questions.
[groans]
I'm a monster.
How do you even put up with me?
It's fine.
Look, Brian, here's the deal.
[inhales]
What are you doing…
Are you closing the…
-Dina!
-[chimes]
Uh, I'm sorry for the wait,
but we're being told that this is better.
Yes!
This is very exciting for you.
You're at the forefront of innovation.
You're like those chimps
they sent into space.
Oh, oh, hang on, Elias,
let me help you with that.
[clatters]
Well, this doesn't seem
to be working at all.
Yeah, that's what I said.
Well, there was no way
we could have known.
All right, here's what I wanna try next.
Once you get everything
back into the boxes,
let's get rid of the shelves.
No! Okay, I'm not doing that.
You have really bad ideas, all right?
You're not a genius,
you're just a rich dick!
Cheyenne Taylor Lee.
That is no way to talk to Mr. Anderson.
Sir, I am so sorry.
I was just… You was all like…
Gah! You know, this is so messed,
but your hair looks really good,
and if you could text me Trinity's number,
that would be great.
[quirky music]
Do you like it? I mean, please, be honest.
I don't. It's bad.
And honestly, I find it a little odd
that you would get a haircut
in the middle of a workday.
-Wait, you said that I should--
-Now, about this Cheyenne person.
I assume you're gonna write her up,
remind her who's in charge.
I don't think that's necessary.
I mean, she knows who's in charge.
I, I've got the good clipboard.
No consequences, hmm?
Like father, like son.
Glenn, I'm gonna tell you
something painful,
but you need to know.
I didn't exactly buy
your dad dinner that night.
-What?
-Truth is,
that night, I offered your dad
a chance to save his store.
I told him I'd stop underselling him
if he could prove he could run
with the big dogs
by eating a can of dog food.
It was very funny.
What's the funny part?
Well, he ate the dog food,
and I closed his store anyway.
I mean, you get it?
I can see why dad changed
some details about that evening.
Glenn, there are two kinds of people
in this world.
Weak people, who eat dog food,
and strong people, who make them eat it.
Now, what kind are you?
Are we sure there's just the two?
[cell phone chiming]
[cell phone ringing]
Hey, Brian. What's up?
Hey, look, I'm sorry to bug you.
It's just that I had
this strange conversation
with Dina just now,
and she's not picking up.
Is she, like, really busy or something?
Yeah, that's probably it.
You know, Thursday and everything.
Yeah, okay, good. 'Cause I was…
[chuckles]
I was starting to wonder if maybe
she was trying to break up with me.
Oh, no, I wouldn't know
anything about that.
But, look, Brian, you're a solid guy,
and if by some chance, Dina doesn't see
that anymore, you'll be fine.
You're a vet.
That'll be great on the dating apps.
You'll have pictures of you--
Dating apps? You think
she is trying to break up with me.
No, I didn't, I didn't say that.
You said that.
Yeah, but then you said it.
You… What I said was just like maybe… Mm.
[muffled voice]
Garrett, can you hear…
Am I frozen? Garrett!
Is that Brian?
-I think we have a bad connection.
-Yeah.
-Can you hear me?
-[Dina groans]
What is going on?
Garrett just told me
that you're breaking up with me.
Garrett, what the hell?
So, it's not true?
No…
It is, but he wasn't supposed to tell you.
I've been working on a whole thing.
Dina.
Just tell me.
Okay, the thing is…
I just don't think I'm ready
to date someone as great as you.
Honestly, Dina?
That is like the nicest thing
I've ever heard someone say to me.
I mean, I'm, like, flattered.
You know, if you're not ready,
you're not ready.
But is there any chance
that maybe you could get ready?
Like, over time?
No.
That's how great you are.
-Oh, damn.
-Yeah.
See you later, man.
Okay, I think I have a lead,
but it's a long shot.
Amy's cousin's ex is following
one of "Scott McPhee's" favorite…
-influencers.
-Oh, Emma just posted.
What? What's it say?
What's it say? What's it say? What?
"Having a great time in the snow
with my mom and little bro.
#FamilyTrip, #HighInTheMountains."
Oh, my God.
She's just with Emma and Parker.
She's still single.
Wow.
That was scary.
[laughs]
Look at my hand.
Yeah, although I am concerned
about #HighInTheMountains.
Do you think Emma's smoking pot again?
Who cares?
What matters is that Amy's single.
Now, here's the plan.
You're gonna call Amy, and say you want
one last special night together.
But here's what she doesn't know.
I'm gonna poke a hole in the condom.
What? No, this isn't…
No, no.
I'm over Amy, okay?
And, and I'm with Hannah now.
[scoffs]
Then what the [bleep]
have we been doing all day?
-[footsteps receding]
-[inhales]
I'm actually okay with the fit.
It's just I don't really like beer.
Or twins, honestly.
It's, like, again with this person?
-[laughs]
-Mm-hm.
Cheyenne, are you even listening?
This shirt is ruining my life.
It is crazy soft, though.
But again, the fit.
There you are, Cheyenne.
Do you have a moment?
Of course, you do. Go ahead, Glenn.
-Tell her.
-Tell me what?
Um, Cheyenne, I'm sorry.
I… I have no choice.
Actually, I don't have
anything to tell you.
Except that I'm sorry.
Oh, okay.
Two kinds of people, Glenn.
-That's right.
-What?
Where are you going?
And I'm the kind of people
who make other people eat dog food.
Okay, what?
This is for my dad.
And for all the other little guys
that you shoved around.
So, yeah, you, you eat it!
Come on, you, you jerk.
Yeah.
-[grunts]
-Okay, Glenn.
[people groaning]
Oh, he's just insane.
That's why he didn't like the cardigan.
-Give it back.
-No, no, I gotta finish it.
All the best stuff settles down
at the bottom.
-[Cheyenne] Oh.
-I… Okay.
[soft music sting]
Okay, Mr. Anderson.
The parking lot's right out here,
and thank you for coming,
and you are welcome back any time.
Yes, or you can check out
any other Cloud 9 in St. Louis.
Yeah, I hear Quincy is dope.
Oh, the skylight one.
Huh, that's a great idea.
Yeah, I would like to see
as many as possible
before Zephra shuts them all down.
Anyway, hey, don't let my wife know
I spoiled my dinner.
Oh, no, sir. We wouldn't do that.
[both snicker]
What did he mean by Zephra
shutting down all the Cloud 9s?
Who knows? The guy's clearly lost it.
Yeah, that wife he mentioned?
She's probably just a mop with sunglasses.
I don't know. I mean, in-store sales
have been down 'cause of COVID.
And it would kind of explain
why corporate hasn't sent
those replacement shopping carts.
Cheyenne, he ate the entire can.
And it's not even like
it was cat food, you know,
where you look at the picture on the can,
and you're like, well, maybe.
Hmm…
You know, maybe it was my fault.
I didn't explicitly say,
"Don't break up with my boyfriend for me."
Hold on. Okay, Brian called me.
I wasn't trying to break you guys up.
Oh, come on. No one is buying that.
Look at you. You are dying to date me.
You're practically drooling.
Okay, you know what?
You're the one who keeps bringing this up.
Maybe you're the one
who's dying to date me.
That's ridiculous. You do nothing for me.
But if you want it so bad,
I mean, I can take pity on you,
and we can get dinner tonight.
Okay, so we'll go out to dinner,
because I want to.
-Not you, me.
-Exactly.
And you probably wanna go somewhere fancy,
like Tony Rotundo's,
because that's how pathetic you are.
Oh, sure. You just happened to mention
my favorite restaurant,
because clearly, you don't care
about me at all.
Pfft, you're loving this.
I bet you are gonna have a great time.
Oh, more like you will.
Time of your frickin' life.
We are so close to settling this thing,
but Carol just keeps pushing and pushing.
Now she wants it in writing that Sandra
has to deliver the settlement
to her in cash in her teeth.
[laughs]
[sighs]
This is good, you know?
Uh, yeah.
No, I, I was just thinking,
you and me, it's…
It's good, and I'm happy.
Okay, what's going on here? Are you dying?
No, no, it's just…
-[sighs]
-No, I…
Last year was tough,
and being here with you is…
It's better, it's, it's a lot better.
[chuckles]
I mean, obviously,
if Carol were here, that would be best.
That would be the ideal scenario.
Oh, do you want me to… I can text her.
[both laugh]
Then he said Zephra's shutting down
all the Cloud 9s.
The man is legit bonkers.
He eats dog food.
But I just thought I'd run it by you
since you said
that I could call you for anything.
Yeah that… that is weird.
Um…
Let me see what I can find out.