Teachers (2001) s02e09 Episode Script

(Susan) I can't believe
you brought these.
(Kurt) Sh. OK, four packets of cigarettes,
25 fags and two joints between them,
three miniature brandies,
two vodkas and a Breezer, all empty,
four porno mags
and some pills.
- (JP) What are they?
- Haven't a clue
but they don't have smiley faces.
They could be for a heart condition.
- Confiscated from who?
- Fuck knows.
If there's a cardiac we'll hand them back.
(JP) What's the book?
Improve Your Powers
Of Communication.
Vince Kosten was reading it in my class.
Said he got it to improve his debating.
- Soft twat.
- You need to improve yours?
I was thinking of using it
to improve my chat-up technique.
(Kurt) Good thinking.
- You sure this is a good idea?
- Yes, it's a fantastic idea.
- I'm celebrating.
- You have been all weekend.
I know. Good, isn't it?
- Who's up for slammers?
- Twist my arm.
And mine!
She's starting to worry me.
If you'd got rid of Alec, you'd celebrate.
- True.
- Should we pay for this round?
Fuck off! This is brilliant.
(Kurt) I found 20p so
I've got more than when I came in.
I never realised Jenny was so generous.
If we keep telling her how lucky she is
to be rid of Alec,
we may never have
to buy a drink again.
We could afford
taxis to and from school.
- I'll use Simon's bike.
- What for?
- Get fitter.
- What if I want to use it?
- Well, you don't.
- I was thinking about it.
- Only after I said about it.
- No.
- Simon said I could have it.
- No, he didn't.
- Well, I'm using it tomorrow.
- I'll toss you for it.
- I'm using it!
- No, you're not.
- Fucking am.
- Not!
- Am!
- Not!
(Lowgold: Counterfeit)
Give her more than you know
Show a little more than you show
Cos everything
that you give is counterfeit
So plain and uncomplicated
Each word is spoken in code
Give her more than you know
Show a little more than you show
Cos everything
that you give is counterfeit
Do do do
Do, do do, do do
Give her all that you can get
When fever hits ♪
My office, please. Soon as you can.
- Shit. How do I look?
- Exactly the same as you feel.
- Are you all right?
- Bit of a cold.
Tissues are there.
The English department are going to be
pretty stretched now.
A supply teacher
could've covered Simon's classes
but no one's available long-term
so it's down to us.
There's no way
we can cover all the classes.
- That's a bit defeatist.
- I'm just being honest.
Try being honest and constructive.
- What about Penny?
- Penny?
Can she take on more responsibility?
She's too inexperienced.
She's here to gain experience.
She's not ready
to take on a full schedule.
She's been here long enough.
- Hasn't she?
- It's just
- (Creaking)
- Just what?
- She hasn't covered everything.
- What's been the problem?
- (Creaking)
- No specific problems, just
Why isn't she ready?
- I
- (Creaking)
- Bob?
- Penny was falling behind
which is when I suggested
perhaps I ought to step in.
OK!
- I'll get her up to speed.
- It's a lot of work.
- Good.
- Good.
Good.
(Buzzer)
(Clare) You feeling settled here?
- Yes.
- Comfortable? Confident?
- Yes.
- Timetable.
You'll be taking over half of
Simon's lessons, starting today.
Welcome to full-time teaching.
Jenny will be available for any advice
or support you may need.
- Great.
- Liz will ensure worksheets
and syllabus information are to hand
and that textbooks
are given out and accounted for.
There's nothing like
a plunge into the deep end.
To see whether you sink or swim.
Bob?
As you know, we've been left
with a staff shortage.
The English department in particular will
be stretched in the lead-up to Christmas.
So it's going to be a difficult few weeks.
All that we ask is that people
be flexible and available.
I've looked at the schedules
and there are a few sessions
that you'll need to cover from
- Where are you going?
- To use the photocopier.
- I haven't finished.
- Then carry on.
- This doesn't concern you?
- I won't be available for cover
so rather than just sit here and nod,
I'll do something more constructive, OK?
OK? Right, well
Kurt?
Ah, yes, you've got a nice run
of free lessons here.
Let's see if we can't fill them up for you.
- Why is it always me?
- You've got more free periods.
- Plus you're a walkover.
- How does JP get away with it?
It's all in here. He has
a clear idea of who he's talking to
and what makes them tick.
He sees their hidden agendas.
- Doesn't he just say no?
- There's that too.
You're not the only one,
I've got to sort Penny out.
You have to focus
on the end-of-day drink.
- I've stopped drinking.
- When?
- Since about 20 minutes ago.
- You're not coming to the pub?
- Better things to do.
- It's the hangover talking.
(Jenny) Before Alec, what did you
think of when you thought of me?
- Honestly?
- Of course.
- Arse.
- And seriously scary person.
- What about you?
- Work.
- Exactly.
- Exactly what?
I've become distracted
and now I need to get back on track.
Getting back on track is overrated.
(Sighs) Looks like you'll have
to get down the cashpoint, then.
"Ego food's in short supply
yet in great demand.
"And if you become
a supplier of that food,
"you will be in great demand
"and command
extra affection and attention."
How does that help me?
You start off by telling Bob
what an inspirational teacher
he is and a handsome man.
Then you say that
you can't do the extra classes.
I can't tell you how much
I wish that would work
Could work with Jenny too.
Tell her nice things about herself,
then she'll start buying rounds again.
What nice things?
(Sighs) I can't get beyond
"You've got an incredible arse".
Jenny, hey!
Is that a new outfit?
We saw you come in this morning
and said, "That's a new outfit."
- It's not.
- It must be the way you carry it.
I like the way you're wearing
your hair today too.
- It's very well cut.
- How are you feeling?
Right now? Very wary.
Whatever it is, the answer's no.
(Feeder: Seven Days In The Sun)
My neck's on the line too,
so I warn you, now,
I'll be all over you like a rash.
Decide how long you will spend
on each section of the lesson
but be flexible enough for discussion.
Make an impression -
not too severe or easy-going.
Be yourself, the students
can tell if you fake it.
Study the papers before the lesson
and you won't get caught out
by surprise questions.
If you are, blag it. Don't let them see you
don't know what you're talking about.
I'll be observing initially and I'll make
notes on any areas you overlook.
Pick up what you need and be ready in
49 minutes to take your first class.
Oh, and, above all enjoy.
Feels like heaven
So light me up ♪
- Did Penny get her worksheets?
- Was she supposed to?
- Clare asked you to get them.
- Which I did.
And Penny was to get them from you.
Which she didn't. Easy to spot
the weakest link, isn't it?
She won't be fully prepared.
We can only hold their hands for so long.
Sooner or later we have to let them go,
stand or fall on their own.
All powdered, primped and raring to go?
- I think so.
- So are the kids. Believe me.
Looking forward to the challenge? Good.
I feel sick.
A couple of years back
we had an NQT in a similar situation.
Drafted in at the last minute
to take on a full schedule.
- They did all right?
- I did hear that
after several years
of intensive counselling,
she was allowed back
into teaching, yes.
Do you have
the worksheets and stuff?
Worksheets?
- Carol knows where these things are.
- She's not here.
She's not on this planet since Rat Boy's
been on the scene.
(Squeaky voice) Try it.
Different.
(High, squeaky giggling)
We welcome you
to Munchkinland
La la la, la la la ♪
I'll find them
and bring them to your class.
- As soon as you can.
- Like the boss says,
we all have to pull together.
Don't worry!
OK, quiet please.
(Chatter continues)
Quiet!
I said quiet. Please.
Quiet!
- Quiet!
- (Instant silence)
Thank you.
Miss Neville will be taking this class
until the end of term.
So I expect you to cooperate with her.
Give her the same respect
you gave Mr Casey.
Any trouble
and you'll have me to answer to.
Over to you.
Establish what were they were working
on before with Mr Casey.
Right. Good. What were you
working on before with Mr Casey?
Loneliness and the role of
the outsider in Of Mice And Men,
dramatic impact
in act two, scene two, Macbeth,
how humour is presented in
The Importance Of Being Earnest
and female perspectives
in the poetry of war.
Right. Good.
And which was your favourite?
(Cinerama: Your Charms)
Just say you're not prepared
to do the extra work.
My bollocks would be in a vice
before I could say, "Listen, Bob"
Be clear about why you're refusing.
- Why am I refusing?
- Because you don't have to do it.
He might need a bit more than that.
Just say, "In order to do this job
to the best of my ability,
"I can't afford
to spread myself too thin
"to cover other people's arses." Simple.
That supposes I'm a good teacher, yeah?
Yeah.
That's where your plan falls down.
Right there.
- Why Oscar Wilde?
- He's funny.
Funny. Good.
- What else?
- A big bender.
- (Stifled laughter)
- Did that affect his work?
You're the teacher, you tell me.
(Whispering)
Want to share
what's so interesting, Natasha?
- No.
- Is it relevant?
No. Sorry.
Then maybe you'll have
the courtesy to shut up.
Right. Oscar Wilde.
We need to work on basic lesson
structure and presentation.
Also how you deal with stress
and anxiety in a classroom.
My preferred method
is detached firmness
and a no-nonsense attitude
that says,
"Don't even think about messing with
me." Start with your worksheets.
- If I get them.
- You'll get them.
- You overreacted to Natasha.
- Did I? Why?
She just discovered her mum
is really her gran
- and her sister is her mum.
- How was I supposed to know that?
- I assumed everyone knew.
- I didn't.
If you'd told me I could
have handled it differently.
Think about your next lesson.
There's a long way to go
but I think we can make it.
- Where were those worksheets?
- Oh, something cropped up.
- Clare's pencil needed resharpening?
- Sorry?
Or you ran out of scrap paper?
- What are you suggesting?
- I'm not suggesting anything.
You made sure I didn't get those papers
so my first lesson was a disaster.
- I wondered who you'd lash out at first. -
What?!
You can't blame yourself
for being crap, can you?
You forgot this.
What you're looking for
is attention-grabbing headlines
and articles you'd wanna read.
(Girl) Like How To
Get Your Boyfriend To Slit His Wrists?
- Good.
- Five Ways To Mug A Pensioner.
Yep.
20 Excuses For
Not Doing Your Schoolwork.
- A quid each for the best five.
- (Burst of rapid typing)
You're Clare. Test me.
Why haven't you handed in those reports
I asked for days ago?
It's all part of a long-term plan.
- What plan?
- You're not seeing the big picture.
- What big picture?
- Stop seeing things in black and white,
life's about greys.
You've not told me
why you haven't handed in the reports.
I know. You deflect the question.
That way you never commit yourself
to an excuse
and no one can check up on it.
- Not bad.
- Worth five quid.
One drink won't dismantle
the whole rehabilitation process.
- Coming for a drink?
- I told you, I'm off it.
(Kurt) That was before a day
dealing with 1,000 fuckwits.
She wants to stay focused
and responsible.
What about your responsibility to us?
(Brian) We need your focus too.
This isn't because Jenny bought
four of seven rounds last night?
- No!
- I can't believe you think we'd be so
mercenary.
It just won't be the same without Jenny.
If she's not going
I might not bother, actually.
- (Brian) Nor me.
- OK, OK.
But I'm only staying for one.
I'm on a roll!
Ask me to do something for you.
- Like what?
- Anything work-related.
Can you download some information
about the French Revolution for me?
- Sorry, not in my remit.
- Yes, it is.
- Is it?
- It's IT - bang on your remit.
- Fuck. When do you want them?
- Too easy!
- What should I have said?
- Ask me.
Can you download some info
on the French Revolution for me?
Sorry, I'm having trouble
with the search engine.
We have to relocate to another server
and check the whole system.
Oh, fuck.
She needs to get a plan
in place and stick to it.
Once she feels confident
she can branch out a bit more.
Is it just me or is everyone thirsty?
- Fancy another?
- I don't know.
- Your round.
- You know how it is at first,
you feel like nobody is listening to you.
- (Sighs)
- What?
Correct me if I'm wrong
but isn't this shop talk?
- Aren't I incredibly thirsty?
- Talk about something else.
Like our top ten ways of getting a shag?
- Sounds good.
- You start.
I'd love to but I've got work to do.
Well, give us your top five, then.
- Top three?
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- (Kurt) She's regressing.
- Same again?
With Alec, she was too busy getting
banged to worry about anything else.
- She'll get back to normal soon.
- What if this is normal?
Then we'll just have to kill her.
(Feeder: Turn)
Seeing things, going places
Living out of suitcases
Every day's like a dream
I find myself talking to shadows
Taking the train of youth ♪
- Did I wake you up?
- Back home again ♪
If you could get the lesson plans to me
by the beginning of the day
that would be great.
Don't want to be a hero
But I don't want to be a zero
And I don't wanna
sit here wasting time ♪
- Wanker!
- Bastard!
I wish that I could turn
the clocks right back
It's easy to forget
just what you've got ♪
I'm sorry, Clare. I'm going to have to take
a rain check on cover this week.
I need to reboot
the entire school database
and install new software in accordance
with government guidelines
recently submitted to me
by the local education authority.
- What software?
- Erm
(Brian imitates klaxon)
Bullshit alert! Bullshit alert!
Fuck.
Trying to find somewhere
That I can be me ♪
(Susan) Fuck knows what time
she left the flat this morning.
(Brian) She's obsessed with work,
she doesn't drink any more
we've lost her.
I think it's exciting and easy to initiate.
I'll let Jenny explain.
It's pretty straightforward.
It'll take the form
of a simple classroom chart.
All we have to do is note any student
who is having problems,
like illness or a family break-up,
jot it down and hand it in.
This information will be distributed
amongst the staff.
It's just an expansion
of what we're doing already.
Carol and Liz will be printing up
the charts this morning.
I know it seems like a lot of extra work.
(Clare) You'd be amazed
how quickly these things
become just another part
of school life.
Send Alec a letter saying he's forgiven
and sign it "Jenny"?
I wouldn't wish that even on Alec.
- Gotta go.
- Busy, busy.
- When did you leave the flat?
- Six-ish.
- Is there a 6am?
- The only way this will work
- is if it's taken seriously.
- I am taking it seriously.
Yes, but can you keep an eye
on the others so they don't mess it up?
- Me?
- They listen to you.
Only when I say something
they wanna hear.
- What the hell is Jenny on?
- Fuck knows.
Make sure Kurt doesn't get any.
She rang me at 7:30am
to remind me about lesson plans.
Don't worry,
she's got another crusade now.
I've got your year 7s later,
have you got any advice?
Go home sick.
Hot off the press. Fill these out
and hand them back to Cruella today.
I'm pretty sure this isn't in my remit.
Neither is being a lazy,
incompetent moron
but you manage that
without too much trouble.
(The Electric Soft Parade:
Biting The Soles Of My Feet)
Sit down, shut up and log on.
Everyone OK?
No sexual harassment
going on at home? No victims of abuse?
No relatives recently wiped
out in a bungled bank robbery?
No? Great. Let's get on.
With emotional trauma,
it's how you come to terms with it.
This process is best done on your own
or in private sessions
with a trained professional.
However, if you wish it to be discussed
in the staff room,
then I'm here with pencil poised.
No one? OK.
- (Drops pencil)
- Turn to page 147 in your books.
- Salut.
- (All) Salut.
- Ça va?
- Ça va bien, merci.
Bon.
Morning.
Don't mind me.
(Kayla) Have we got you now, Miss?
Until the end of term, yes.
- Mum says you're not a proper teacher.
- Does she?
She says you're a trainee.
I'm an NQT - a newly qualified teacher,
so I'm qualified.
Anyway, what does your mum
know about me?
- A lot.
- Really?
I'm sure we'd all like
to know what. Enlighten us.
- It's not a good idea.
- Oh, come on.
We're all fascinated, aren't we?
- (Amused murmuring)
- Whatever it is, I can take it.
OK. She thinks you're one of
the worst trainees she's ever seen
and she's seen a lot.
You're into astrology,
which means you're a dizzy cow.
You've got a confidence problem
which makes you use people.
You're two-faced with dyed hair,
capped teeth, false breasts
OK! I get the picture.
And then she threw me out.
(Kurt) Show me a teenager
who isn't dysfunctional.
- Katherine Timberlake.
- What?
You asked for a teenager
who wasn't dysfunctional.
But the very fact that,
at 16, she's not dysfunctional
means she's totally dysfunctional.
So we should focus on the normal ones?
That's where your serial killers
will come from, believe me.
- Think they've got matches?
- Yep.
Should we say something?
- Like what?
- Like, "Stop doing that."
- Would they take any notice?
- No.
Thanks. Thank you.
Thank you. Where's yours?
- I lost it.
- Lost it? How?
At three I was left outside
a supermarket for four hours.
Now I can't remember anything trivial.
- I need it for the records.
- Why? It's bollocks.
Clare doesn't think so.
Thank you. Thanks.
"Rick couldn't do his homework
because his dog ate his mum."
- (JP) But I think he's coping.
- Nothing?
I made them promise to do something
dysfunctional by tomorrow.
(Clears throat)
"She lost her school bag
in a tragic accident
"involving a runaway pram,
a building site and a cement mixer."
I'll know more once they've chipped her
off the foundations.
Is no one taking this seriously?
- What is it?
- It's Penny.
(Howling wind)
Can you ask her why she's been talking
about me to Kayla?
(Barely audible) Why have you been
talking about her to Kayla?
Tell her I don't have to talk to Kayla.
She has two eyes, two ears
and can make up her own mind.
Erm eyes, ears and mind.
- What have I ever done to you?
- Nothing.
But you've wrapped everyone else
around your little finger
since you got here.
- Look at Carol.
- What about Carol?
The way you used her,
got her chasing after you.
And you haven't?
You think you can get everything,
all you want,
by batting your eyelids
and looking vulnerable, don't you?
You're a conniving,
manipulative little cow.
And the sooner Clare sees it,
the better for all of us.
Carol, I hope I never gave you
the impression I was using you.
- (Mumbles)
- Thank you.
You think everyone respects you.
They only tolerate you cos you
hold the stationery closet keys.
How sad is that?
Even Carol's only here
because she has to be.
Given the chance she'd run
a million miles, wouldn't you?
You're a nasty, vindictive, malevolent
bitch and everyone hates you.
(Gasping sobs)
- (Wailing sobs)
- Shit.
Shouldn't someone be
comforting her or something?
- Go on, then.
- I didn't mean me.
Liz? Is there anything we can
At least she's got
a healthy supply of tissues.
Maybe we should leave her for a bit.
- Give her time to
- (Resumes wailing)
be upset.
If you need anything
- We'll be in the pub.
- (Wailing sobs)
(Resumes wailing)
(Sobs)
If Liz can be reduced to tears,
anything can happen.
- World's gone fucking mental.
- What did Penny say to her?
She told her she was
a vindictive bitch
and we only tolerated her
because of her position.
Sounds fair enough.
Erm how is she?
Erm
Not good not coming out
she'll have, erm
double Bacardi and Coke and, erm nuts.
(Carol) Bye.
Fucking hell, that's a real skill,
drinking seven Bacardis
and crying at the same time.
She didn't pay for any of them.
You forgot something.
- I thought you'd want it.
- I'm pissed, you take it.
- I can't be arsed.
- Take the fucking thing.
- I'm letting you have a go.
- I don't want a go.
- You do.
- Don't.
- Do!
- Don't!
- Leave it here, then.
- Right, I will.
- Fine!
- Fine! You're so fucking childish.
- You are.
- You are.
(Susan) She spent the whole
evening in the pub toilet.
Didn't stop her necking seven double
Bacardis and six bags of nuts.
- She had to carried out.
- Shit.
- Started as a fight in the office.
- A fight about what?
My guess is
Penny's feeling the pressure.
- Penny?
- Penny had the fight with her.
- Why?
- She needed to let off steam
- and Liz got in the way.
- Why didn't she do that to me?
Because you're so wrapped up in
this scheme everything else fades away.
- You agreed this was important.
- No, you assumed I agreed.
Doesn't knowing the kids better
make us better teachers?
It would put me off
teaching altogether.
- You said you'd help.
- I am.
People are still pissing around.
- That's their prerogative.
- Can you talk to JP
- Can we talk about this tomorrow?
- Sure.
If we can get JP,
Brian and Kurt on our side,
everyone else will fall in behind.
(Nerina Pallot: Blood Is Blood)
I don't want to sound fanatical about this
but if we can persuade them,
the scheme would take off
and we'd see real benefits -
the students would feel more secure
and all the research says
a secure student
is a well-behaved,
productive student.
(Jenny) It just needs
enthusiasm from the staff.
I've got that in spadefuls.
I think Clare will see
how important this really is.
Which is what I find exciting -
if we get the basics in place
we can tailor the work
to students' specific needs.
- We can begin to make
- (Music drowns dialogue)
Let me lose your mind ♪
He found his mum in bed
with the carpet layer
and found his dad was a cabaret act
called Madame Flamingo.
- Fuck, who's that?
- Er, don't know.
I'll think of someone.
..of where it all might lead
Oh, blood is blood and blood will flow
That's all it does, that's all it knows
- But I've one question ♪
- (Howling wind)
Flesh is flesh, an urgent fire
It drags you down, this cheap desire
We all want something
Maybe beauty, maybe more ♪
Just when I was wondering
what was missing from my day.
- (Claps hands)
- Any progress on finding out
who set the locusts free
from the biology lab?
I caught Wayne Beesley slipping them
into the salad in the canteen.
Thanks, Bob.
Checking through yesterday's charts,
I was amazed
at the information uncovered.
I did notice that some members of staff
have decided to give their imaginations
a little exercise.
That's why I've decided
to take it off its informal footing
and place it firmly
at the centre of our working day.
I want absolutely everything logged.
Anyone not taking it seriously
will have to answer to me.
Fill in the charts, list everything.
Even if you think it's insignificant.
Doesn't this seem like a waste of time?
- You might get something from it.
- Like what, cramp?
Any chance of those lesson plans?
- I was going to do them
- Not excuses, just the plans.
Before class starts, preferably.
OK, ten quid to whoever
comes up with the most original
dysfunctional problem of the week.
Extra points for using
"bearded uncle" and "chalet".
Isn't this how we got here?
- What?
- If you hadn't taken the piss,
Clare wouldn't have put this
at the centre of our working day.
- You can't blame me.
- Who do we blame, then?
I was just copying JP.
How old are you?
(Ash: Shining Light)
Read chapter three
and then we'll discuss something.
(Groans)
..shining light
Yeah, you light up my life
We made a connection♪
- I came to say that I'm sorry.
- Really?
About what I said, I was angry.
We both said things we didn't mean.
Life's too short
to fall out with work colleagues.
I thought maybe we should
go out and have a drink.
- Or something.
- You and me?
As a way of saying sorry to each other.
- You never stop, do you?
- What?
You're saying sorry so I'll say it to you,
then everyone will like you again.
I still think you're a manipulative cow.
You still think I'm a bitter
old bag, so why not be honest?
- I can see I'm wasting my time.
- Oh, perceptive as well!
Never try and bullshit a bullshitter.
(Kurt) One 16-year-old bed-wetter
and three single-parent families
on benefits.
(Brian) A childhood trauma and two kids
in anger management.
- You're doing this shite?
- Yeah, and you know why?
- Because you're not.
- Sorry?
If you hadn't pissed around,
- I wouldn't have copied you.
- What?
Jenny wouldn't have gone to Clare
and we wouldn't have brats
coming to terms with facial hair
and bollocks dropping.
- So it's my fault?
- It's not mine.
- Yes, it is.
- No, it isn't.
- Why isn't it?
- Why is it?
- Because it is.
- Well fuck you.
- No, fuck you.
- No, fuck you!
- Who cares whose fault it is?
- Look
it's easily sorted.
Do you ever get the feeling
nothing we invent could compare
with what a 15-year-old retard
could come up with?
How the fuck did you manage that?
I said no one was leaving
until they made up one problem each.
- What's a hermaphrodite?
- It's a man-lady type thing.
- Which bits?
- All of 'em.
Blimey. What the fuck is pognophobia?
Fear of beards.
Fair enough.
"Feeling undermined and undervalued
"due to a deranged secretary
and an absent mentor.
"Confidence at a low,
need to talk about it now."
- Someone in your class?
- Yes. Me.
- (JP) We have a problem.
- What?
- The students are revolting.
- Are these all from your class?
Yeah. There may be some exaggeration -
the one where Richard Oakley's brother
was eaten by dwarves -
but, as you said, everything
must be logged, however trivial.
(Sighs) Someone put them up to this.
- Jenny
- I must get these to Clare.
I know, I just wanted
to say that I'm sorry.
- For what?
- For being another worry.
I'll try and get on on my own now.
If I mess up I'll tell Clare
it was down to me, not you.
- If you mess up?
- I haven't been impressive.
You've done all you can
so don't feel bad.
Follow me.
I really want to be a better teacher,
I want to learn but
- But what?
- Your notes have been helpful
but when I'm standing there
in front of the class it's so hard.
The more you do it, the easier it gets.
It seems to be the opposite for me.
Right, what can I do to help?
I was wondering if you could
take a few of my classes
while I sit in and watch,
show me how it's done.
Do your work for you, you mean?
I got off on the wrong foot.
I want to start over.
And if I say no,
are you going to cry again?
No, I just thought I'd hit you this time.
That'll make a nice change, then.
Let me take a look at your schedule.
(Clare's buzzer)
Come.
- What's this lot?
- I've collated these
but these I'll have to work on overnight.
- How many are there?
- About 120. In each pile.
"Jane Turnball has ingrowing toenails
and a lazy eye."
"John couldn't tie his shoelaces
because of an infected whitlow."
"Fell off heels at weekend
and bruised instep."
There are more interesting ones.
"Separation anxiety
since her chiropodist"
Are they all foot fetishists?
I know there are a few time-wasters,
but also some genuine problems
which warrant attention.
I think we can get through them all
in a couple of hours.
You know I think
this scheme's a great idea.
But it is turning out to be
a little labour-intensive.
- I think it's worth it.
- I've got annual reports to do
and the governors need
a detailed outline of my aims.
- What are you saying?
- It may need more planning.
How about we put it on
the back burner for a while? Yes?
Good.
I'll get back to you in the new year.
(Feeder: Under The Weather)
Jenny's right about
communication within the school.
Will you give it a rest?
"Gather all the information
you can about someone
"before you enter into a dialogue."
So knowing you're a dense Northern twat
helps me to tell you to shut
the fuck up about that book?
"Hostility is no way
to conclude an argument.
"To effectively win an argument,
"each person needs to feel
good about the outcome.
"Compromise is not a dirty word,
it's a necessity."
- That makes sense.
- (Kurt) Bollocks, it does.
To win an argument
you must crush the person,
- force them to agree with you.
- Anyone need a drink?
- Anyone not?
- Liz is here.
- Where?
- Toilets.
- Thanks for the warning.
- (Brian) What about the drink?
- Another time.
- You could leave the money.
It's self, self, self with her.
- Whose round is it?
- Funny you should ask.
- I'll go halves with you.
- I'll go thirds.
Does no one buy
a proper round any more?
- Mine's a triple.
- What's up?
You'll all be pleased
to hear you got your way.
Clare's put my scheme
on the back burner.
- Shit.
- Don't pretend you're upset.
- I am for you, not the scheme.
- Well, it's been binned.
- Why?
- The usual. Lack of foresight.
I didn't take into consideration
the petty nature of people
when asked to put in extra effort.
That'll let you down every time.
You really thought
my scheme was a rubbish idea?
No, I knew it was a rubbish idea.
You can know too much about
people. Especially 11 to 18s.
It doesn't merit in-depth investigation.
At least it didn't fall apart
due to a lack of effort by me.
Maybe that's exactly why it fell apart.
- What do you mean?
- You're an obsessive.
- That's how you do everything.
- I don't.
With your work it's all or nothing,
then it was Alec or nothing,
then Alec went and now it's work again.
You don't have to be
the all-conquering superwoman,
you can just be normal.
Do you think I'm an obsessive?
Let's take a vote. Hands up
who thinks Jenny's an obsessive.
I'm going to the bar.
(Belle And Sebastian:
The Boy With The Arab Strap)
(Coins clattering)