Teen Titans Go! (2013) s04e16 Episode Script

The Gold Standard

1 "The Gold Standard" [OPENING THEME PLAYING.]
[IRISH MUSIC.]
ALL: Saint Patrick's Day! We got a St.
Patrick's Day job to do.
- Catch a leprechaun! - And acquire his three wishes.
I still thinks we should be going after his pot of gold, y'all.
Wishes are better than gold.
It's no contest.
With a wish, you can wish your dreams to come true.
Now, come on! Let's get to work.
Uh-uh-uh.
This leprechaun trap is diabolical, yo.
From a distance, that dirty leprechaun be attracted by sparkles.
STARFIRE: He's put at ease by the rainbow and shamrock stickers.
CYBORG: Then he'll climb up the pretzel stick ladder, traipse carelessly across the cotton ball clouds, fall into the box and snap! We got ourselves a leprechaun! Uh! And then he gots to give us them wishes, y'all.
- Oh, yeah.
That's right! - Catch him, catch him - Chop, chop - Guys! There is no way this thing is gonna catch a leprechaun ALL: Awww! - without bait! - ALL: Oh! Leprechaun's can't resist gold, remember? I wonder why they have this such intense love of the yellow metal.
I bet it's 'cause gold is used to determine the value of money.
You're thinking of the gold standard, a fixed exchange rate regime in which the official exchange rate is tied to the price of gold.
We haven't been on the gold standard for decades.
Oh! Then they probably likes it 'cause it's shiny.
Shh! Quiet! [MUSIC.]
- I see one.
- RAVEN: Quick.
Hide.
I think he's going for it.
Oh, yeah! Wow! We actually caught one.
He is thus, so tiny.
I'm the height of an average person.
We's trapped you.
[LAUGHS.]
So give us our wishes, fool.
I'm not a leprechaun anymore.
Once a leprechaun, always a leprechaun.
- Wishes.
Now! - Request for wishes, denied.
Continue to refuse us, and you shall lawfully receive the pinches.
You wouldn't.
ALL: Pinch.
- Stop it.
- ALL: Pinch.
Come on, guys! ALL: Pinch.
[WHIMPERING.]
Fine.
Fiddle-dee-dee.
Tell me your wishes, three.
Nice.
First wish, we want hats.
Sick! The second wish, we want the hats to be the sideways.
ALL: Oh! Oh! This is the Fresh Dope.
The Fresh Dope Style.
It's like, my face is going this way, but my hat is going that way.
Whaaaat! Just make your last wish.
I don't want to spend any more time as a leprechaun than I have to.
How comes you don't like being a leprechaun, bro? Because it's terrible.
The compulsion to fix shoes day and night.
Not to mention, people always trying to steal your cereal, when you just want to eat breakfast in peace.
And worst of all, you become obsessed with gold.
- I like gold.
- Tell me that after your back goes out carrying a 200 pound pot of gold, every day.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
It is only through my powerful mental fortitude that I can repress my leprechaun urges, and live a normal life.
What's a normal life when you can ride rainbows and have a pot of gold? [SIGHS.]
I wish I was a leprechaun.
Wish granted.
Oh! Sick, dude.
[MUSIC.]
Check out my beard.
Oh, and my shoes.
Buckle me shoes, yo.
[LAUGHS.]
You little goof, you messed up that last wish.
Yeah, we were gonna wish our hats all the way backwards, remember? And now they are just stuck only the sideways.
Forget the hats, yo.
I'm a leprechaun, now.
That means we can do all that sick leprechaun business, without having to catch Robin.
You mean, you can hook us up with rainbows and corned beef? ALL: Oh! I'ma live that leprechaun life, son! [PLAYING FLUTE.]
Living that, living that, leprechaun life I'm living that leprechaun life I got that shillelagh Rainbow riding, baby Dancing up on this tree, stomping, no stopping me Corned, corned beef Cabbage corned, corned beef Cabbage corned, corned beef Cabbage corned, corned beef Cabbage I'm living that leprechaun life I'm living that leprechaun life I'm living that, living that li-li-living that leprechaun life! [PLAYING FLUTE.]
[FULL MOUTH.]
Mmm.
So then Beast Boy brings us to this enchanted meadow.
We all up on these tree stumps, dancing.
Oh, man.
It was awesome.
Mmm.
Sounds like a magical adventure.
Aww.
Mad because you were wrong about leprechaun life being terrible? - I am not.
- Whoo! If I was that wrong, I would be Superman.
Like all veins popping out, sweaty.
[LAUGHING.]
You know what I'm talking about.
[GROWLS.]
I am not angry.
And I am not wrong! You'll see.
You'll see what a leprechaun life is really about.
[BEAST BOY EXCLAIMING.]
[GASPS.]
Friend Beast Boy.
What are you doing? [LAUGHING.]
Don't you know? This cereal is mine.
It's wonderful, and magical and super tasty.
Why would a leprechaun care about cereal? Come on, give it back? Uh-uh-uh.
Nobody eats me cereal.
Dude, just give us the cereal.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[SCREAMS.]
Nobody eats me cereal! [ALL GROAN.]
[LAUGHING, GASPS.]
Your shoes look busted.
- They look fine to me.
- Na-ah-ah.
Your back seams are all frayed.
Look at those busted insoles.
- You're gonna have fallen arches! - Dude, our shoes are fine.
[EVIL VOICE.]
Let me cobble them shoes.
[ALL SCREAM.]
- Oh! Cobble, cobble, cobble.
- Ah! Cobble, cobble, cobble, cobble, cobble, cobble.
Cob-cobbling.
[SARCASTICALLY.]
Leprechaun life.
I don't care if he repaired my insoles.
Taking a dude's feet off, that just ain't right.
[ALL GASP.]
We've been robbed! STARFIRE: What criminal fiend would dare steal from us? Hey, I ain't no fiend.
I'm a leprechaun.
And I just sold all of that junk.
Dude, you sold all our stuff for cash? Cash! [LAUGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
Why would a leprechaun want cash? I traded it for gold! He's been overtaken by the leprechaun's lust for gold.
Hmm.
Yes.
Oh, shiny, shiny.
[LAUGHS.]
But you can't have any.
It's mine! All mine! - We don't want your gold, fool.
- Well, you should.
I'm getting us back on the gold standard.
- What is exactly this golden standard? - It's the monetary system where paper money gets value directly related to gold, you dummies.
You tell me a dollar is worth 25 and eight-tenths grains of gold.
We all know, what's what.
But that dirty President Nixon, back in '71 unilaterally took the entire country off the standard.
And ever since then, we've been based on the dollar value on a freely floating exchange rate! [SCREAMS.]
The money ain't tied to a specific item of value.
And it's all make believe numbers and market manipulations.
But now, me and my gold will be safe from financial ruin.
How do you like that, President Nixon? Huh?! Back on the standard, baby! [WHIRRS.]
[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY.]
Beast Boy has escaped over the rainbow and into the federal Reserve Bank of Jump City.
[GASPS.]
He truly is attempting to restore the gold standard.
Not on my watch.
We need to catch him.
Secure his three wishes.
And use one to release him from the leprechaun curse.
But to beat a leprechaun, we must become leprechauns.
[MUSIC.]
[EXCLAIMING.]
Ready, lads and lasses? ALL: Aye! BEAST BOY: Har, yes.
Gonna fix that exchange rate, son.
- Beast Boy! - We can still end this peacefully.
[SCOFFS.]
When I'm about to stabilize the value of currency? No way! It won't stabilize anything.
It's all arbitrary.
The value of gold can be manipulated by those who produce it.
What! Why would that worry me when I gots all the gold.
Your unilaterally moving the economy back onto the gold standard.
Don't you see? If you do this, you're no better than Nixon.
[IN DEMONIC VOICE.]
Did you just call me Nixon? [MUSIC.]
[SCREAMING ANGRILY.]
[GROANS.]
Penny pincher! Buckle me shoe! Shi-lle-lagh! ALL: Four-spirits clover! [ALL SCREAMING.]
TITANS: [SCREAM.]
Yeah! [SIGHS.]
Fair and square.
Fiddle-dee-dee.
Tell me your wishes, three.
First wish, we want hats.
Now make them the sideways.
Give us those backwards.
Ow! Stop that! You're wasting the wishes! [ALL MUMBLING IN AGREEMENT.]
We wish you were Beast Boy again.
[GROANING.]
Oh, thanks Robin.
Man, you weren't kidding.
Leprechaun life is hard.
Can't believe I almost messed up the economy, y'all.
Happens to the best of us.
Come on.
Let's go home.
We can discuss the advantages of a floating exchange rate regime on the way.
I'll show you, Nixon.
So jealous [MUMBLING.]