Teen Titans Go! (2013) s04e52 Episode Script

TV Knight 3

1 "TV Knight 3" [OPENING THEME] [BATMAN THEMED MUSIC] [BATS SCREECHING] [ENGINE STOPS] [PIANO MUSIC] Oh! [CHEERING] [TV REMOTE CLICKING] [NARRATOR ON TV READING] When evil comes calling, there's only one man who can answer the Call.
Garfield "Beast Boy" Logan is a mysterious loner with an even more mysterious past, and his best friend is a talking car.
And together, they solve crimes.
All day and all night, driving around in the desert really fast, solving crimes in a car that can talk.
And sometimes, they almost get the girl.
Watch out, danger.
Your days are numbered.
[NARRATOR READING] [WIND HOWLING] [SLURPING] Quiet! There might be a crime about to happen.
Dude! How many times do I have to tell you? There's no crime in the desert.
You need people to commit crime.
And there's no people in the desert! What would we do if we even witnessed a crime? Are we deputized law enforcement agents? Are we allowed to arrest or detain suspects? Quiet! I think I see a bad guy.
[TIRES SQUEALING] You know you don't have to steer.
You don't even have to push the pedals.
I can do all that myself.
I don't even know why you're here.
[CHOKING] Some day we can be together Oops.
[CHUCKLES] Never mind.
It's just a cactus.
[SPITTING] Dude! Just give it up.
We're never gonna find anything out here.
[WIND HOWLING] Maybe we should launch over a sweet ramp so we can get a better view of the crime.
Or we could drive to the beach.
I bet there's tons of crime over there.
Dude, we can't solve beach crimes.
Only lifeguards can do that.
Oh, yeah! Lifeguards You mean the people with the amazing tans running up and down the beach in slow motion all day? Yeah.
[SCREAMING] Sniff you later, sucker! [MOCKING LAUGHTER] Stick 'em up.
Crime! RAVEN: Come on down to the Jump City Petting Zoo.
We've got plenty of animals for you to smear your grubby little hands on.
- We've got a pig, a horse, a deer - Whoo! Yeah! [LAUGHING] - A bear, a beaver, a dog - All right! Ahhh! Whoo! - A different dog.
- Oh! Looking for something a little more exotic? We've got a giraffe, a big old elephant, a rhino, a silly monkey and a mean gorilla.
[GROWLING] - And that's not all.
- It isn't? Nope.
We've got a scary T.
rex, a pterodactyl, a triceratops, [GRUNTS] - a biceratops.
- Um And don't forget about the brontosaurus.
[GROANING AND SOBBING] I bet you think we don't have a snake with the head of a chicken.
- A what? - Well, you're wrong! We've totally got a snake with the head of a chicken.
[GROANING] We've got all kinds of adorable abominations for you to touch with your fleshy meat fingers.
Like a tiger with a dolphin body.
[GROANING] You name it, we've got it.
Literally.
Just call it out and watch the magic happen.
Llama with a crocodile neck.
And a cow for a butt.
[SOBBING] That's the Jump City Petting Zoo located on Teen Titans Island.
Just drive to the coast and swim across the bay towards the giant T-shaped building.
Come on and pet all the animals.
You probably won't regret it.
[GROANING AND SOBBING] [LIVELY MUSIC] [PARTY HORN TOOTING] [BATMAN GROANING] [GASPS] [GROWLING] [GROANS] [SOBBING] [TV REMOTE CLICKS] [SOFT MUSIC] [SCREAMING] [WOBBLING] [SCREAMING] [ALL SCREAMING] [SCREAMING] [SCREAMING] [SLURPS AND SPITS] [BOTH SCREAMING] [HOLLERING] [IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] Hey, Robin.
What do you call a pirate with a blue top hat? [AUDIENCE LAUGHS] [IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] I don't know, Starfire.
What do you call it? I do not know the either.
The education system has failed me.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] [IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] Society is crumbling.
[PLAYING BANJO] [DONKEY BRAYING] [LAUGHING] [SOBBING] [BATMAN SIGHS] [CHUCKLING AWKWARDLY] [STOMACH GRUMBLING] [SIGHS] Phew.
NARRATOR: [ON TV] The herd of wild burritos have settled in the kitchen.
Little do they know, a ferocious predator lurks in the shadows.
He begins his approach.
A lame burrito has fallen behind.
With a top speed of approximately zero miles per hour, it has no chance of escape.
The Beast Boy lunges for his prey [SNARLS] only to be blocked by the dastardly Cyborg.
[SNIFFING] Luckily, the Cyborg prefers burgers.
[GROANS] The burrito lives to fight another day.
Meanwhile, in a completely different room, the lonely Robin attempts to woo the lovely Starfire.
To initiate his elaborate courtship, the Robin puffs out his chest and slicks back his hair and begins to dance.
[UPBEAT MUSIC] The flashy display is completely ignored.
He'll need to up his game in order to win her affection.
[SCREECHING] The Robin bellows out his native song while jumping wildly around the room.
She couldn't care less.
What a truly desperate and pathetic creature.
As day gives way to night, a mysterious figure emerges in the Teen Titans Tower.
A vicious and elusive Raven.
There she is.
Conducting one of her demonic rituals, most likely.
Wait.
No.
She's playing with ponies.
[YOWLING] NARRATOR: Oh, no.
She spotted me! [GASPING IN FEAR] [SCREAMING] [SCREAMING OVER PHONE] BEAST BOY: Hey there, smooth face.
[MUSIC] Are you sick of always feeling left out? Getting picked last for dodgeball? Nobody returning your texts? Your dog forgot your name? Why don't you turn your life around with a sweet, silky ALL: Mustache! - Looking real cool - Mustache - Winning all the trophies - Mustache Get your picture in the paper Mustache - Use it like a broom - Mustache - Paint a self-portrait - Mustache - Fill the nest for some birds - Mustache - Pretend to be an adult - [ELECTRONIC STUTTERING] Mustache - Get a job and a home - Mustache - Paying lots of bills - Mustache - Take out the trash - Mustache The lawn ain't gonna mow itself Mustache - Take out the trash again - Mustache - Just keep doing that - Mustache - Over and over - [ELECTRONIC STUTTERING] Mustache - Get knee replacement surgery - Mustache - Get arterial sclerosis - Mustache Now you're dead [DOGS HOWLING] Mustache [PLAYFUL GENTLE MUSIC] [BATMAN LAUGHING] [CHOKES] Ugh.
[YELLING] [SOBBING] [GASPS AND SQUEALS] [BOTH CHUCKLING] [MUSIC] [ANGELIC CHORUS PLAYING] [UPBEAT MUSIC] [ALL SCREAMING] [ALL LAUGHING] [ALL SCREAMING] [ALL LAUGHING] [SCREAMING IN DISTANCE]