That's So Raven (2003) s01e02 Episode Script
Mother Dearest
1 All right, class.
Here's one that everyone should know but few do.
The first capital of our country was? Oh, the chosen few.
Mr.
Brookwell.
I'm dorry.
I don't know.
I'm dorry you don't know, too.
But I do.
All right.
Mr.
Thomas.
You seem to have had time to chew on this one.
No, "uh" is the capital of "duh" which you seem to be the mayor of.
Hey, just in case you didn't know my hand is up over here.
All right, just letting you know.
All right.
Uh, uh, why don't we let Raven take this one? I didn't ask her.
I asked you.
The answer, class, is Philadelphia.
I hate he only calls on people who don't have their hands raised.
Yeah, and that cracking sound is nasty.
My grandmother does that with her toes.
Now many people attribute this scientific advance to Benjamin Franklin but it was really made by Michael Faraday.
Ms.
Baxter.
But I don't have my hand up.
Exactly.
Mr.
Petracelli when my hand is up, I know the answer and when my hand is down, I don't know the answer.
Let me explain it again.
Hand up-- know, hand down-- don't.
I'm just saying.
No.
You're just saying everything but the answer which is electricity which led to the light bulb which is obviously not going off in your head.
All right, Raven.
You really told Petracelli off.
So unless you have anything else to waste class time with As a matter of fact, I do.
Let me break it down.
Why do you only call on people who don't have their hand raised? Whom I call on is my choice.
Sit down.
Mmm.
But see, I had my hand up plenty of many of times today.
But you only called on me when I did not know the answer.
And I know why.
Because you have more fun embarrassing us than teaching us.
And trust me, the whole class got my back on this one right here.
It's probably, you know, the wrong time to be talking about this, right? Right.
And maybe, you know, after school we could toss it around a little bit.
Let's toss it around.
Good idea.
Why don't you and I toss it around tomorrow after school.
And, hey, let's toss in your parents, too.
All right, Raven.
You really told Petracelli off.
Rae Rae Yep, that's me.
Okay, my parents have to meet with Petracelli.
They are going to freak.
How am I going to tell them? Just fake being sick.
They can't get mad if you're sick.
I stopped doing that kind of stuff when I was eight.
It's brilliant.
Yeah.
And I got a great recipe for fake vomit.
Little bit of cream corn some yogurt and some dog food.
And if you pop it in the oven at 350, it'll actually steam.
Excuse me.
Say, brother, that's my locker! I know.
I had it last year.
It's a good location.
Right next to the water fountain.
But there are lots of water fountains.
I like this one.
You can't do this! I know my rights! I don't get it.
What's so great about being near that water fountain? Exhibit "A".
Fake vomit is great, but I need more.
I need a master in deceit and the art of psychological manipulations.
That's why I came to you.
You made a wise choice.
I'm going to need that five bucks up front.
It's cool.
Now This little trick works on Mom and Dad every time.
I call it "the three Cs.
" Now what does that stand for? "Crazy, creepy and constipated"? That was one night! Now do you want my help or not? Okay, I'm sorry.
The three Cs are? "Cuddle," "compliment" and the ever popular "cry".
Wait a second.
That's what got you out of burning the Christmas tree in '98? Yep.
I cuddled up in Mom's arms, complimented Dad on the great job he did with the Christmas lights.
And I even got a little tear.
Right here.
And they still gave you that new bike.
And a basketball.
Yeah '98 was a good year.
Corey Baxter! Get down here right now! Okay, I really screwed up in school today.
You might want to come and take notes.
Do you know who I just got off the phone with? Your teacher.
You have been acting up in class again.
Victor, talk to your son.
Corey Angry voice.
Corey.
We are very disappointed in you.
I'm sorry, Daddy.
Stay with me.
Don't you go cuddling up to him or giving us any of your lame compliments.
And don't you even think about crying or you're going to see a side of me that's not very pretty.
Mother, how is that possible when you're so beautiful? Knock it off and go to your room! I'm going to need that five bucks back.
What has gotten into him lately? He's always acting up with his teachers.
Don't be too hard on him, Mom.
I mean, he's just a kid and kids make mistakes.
Was she just defending her brother? I think so.
I've got to sit down-- the room is spinning.
Do you know what I think we're seeing here? A more mature, responsible young lady.
The new Raven.
Well, it's not really the new Raven, really.
I'm really the same ol' Raven.
Your grades have been good.
You've been helping out around the house.
Yeah, I can't remember the last time we were called down to the school because you were, I don't know, mouthing off about something.
Um I mean Ooh, don't you miss it? I mean, those were the good times.
I messed up and you got mad.
Whee! Anyhow, we're so proud of you that we have a little something for you.
Really? Well, I hope it's a very little something.
We were going to wait to your birthday but now is a great time.
Come on.
And now the greatest present a teenage girl could ever want.
"Ooh, you got me Lebron, 'cause I like them tall.
#Here you go, baby.
Oh.
You got me a phone.
With your own phone number.
I even programmed the speed dial for you.
Your best friend in the whole world is number one.
Go ahead, try it.
Okay.
Hey, girlfriend.
I'll show you how to delete it later.
Okay.
Uh, Mom Dad You know, I don't really know how to say this And you don't have to.
Just keep up the good work.
Call me.
Yay.
Rae, just hang up and go tell them the truth.
They'll understand.
Not after they told me how proud they were of me.
No way, okay? To them, I'm the new Raven.
And the new Raven doesn't mess up.
So, what's the new Raven going to do? Well, I guess I'm just going to have to go to Petracelli talk to him-- no parents-- one-on-one.
Go get your mother.
Today! Aah! Okay, that didn't go too well.
I want my mommy.
Look at that slob.
He's disgusting! I mean, that is my locker and if I don't take a stand now it's going to ruin my reputation! Thomas, you don't have "a reputation!" Hey, man.
We got a problem.
We do? Yeah, I'm not sharing my locker, okay? Oh, that's cool.
Uh, uh, uh, you-you're throwing out my stuff.
And it can go into my old locker.
Here's the combination.
Problem solved.
When the temperature's hot And the music is pumping Slow down.
This is a hallway, not a freeway! None of that.
Looking good, Ritchie.
Honey, don't go runnin' to your mama.
Well, you look like a fine young student.
Could you please point me to Mr.
Petracelli's class? Yeah, uh, one floor down, first door to your left.
Aren't you a nice young man? Look at those cheeks! Oh, come on with the pinching of the cheeks! It's me-- Raven.
Raven? No, I am Tonya Baxter.
Raven's mother.
My daughter is in a bit of a jam and I'm here to bail her out, all right? I'm coming back for you.
Come on, Daddy, let's go.
Come on now.
You don't even look like your mom.
You look more like you ate your mom.
Relax, Eddie, okay? Petracelli's never even met my mom.
I'll just go in there tell him Raven is grounded for life and then I'll unground myself.
All right, I'm going to go in to see Mr.
Petracelli.
I want you to count to ten, knock on the door and say that there's an emergency at home and that I have a phone call.
Well, hello there, Mr.
Petracelli.
I'm Tonya Baxter, Raven's mother.
Uh, thanks for coming.
Anything for my baby's favorite teacher.
Uh, so I know this is about my baby getting talkative in class and she assures me that she's very sorry and it'll never happen again.
Is that someone knocking? I, uh, I didn't hear anything.
Mrs.
Baxter, where's Raven? Raven is out in the car crying, crying her little eyes out.
Big puffy red things, runny nose even a face a mother wouldn't look at.
Now I'm sure I heard somebody knocking! There is no one there.
Now, I need to speak with you and Raven together.
Okay, when would you want that, Mr.
Petracelli.
Oh, when? Let me check my calendar.
Now! Okay, then.
I'll see what I can do.
Knock, knock.
Who's there? Not you! Excuse me.
But I think the mayonnaise on my sardine sandwich I ate for lunch went bad so, uh, I want to apologize for any discomfort I may cause you young ladies.
If you have perfume, I'd spray it now.
Hurry up.
Okay, okay.
How do I look? You have your mother's hair.
You know, I've been told that No, no.
You have your mother's hair.
Oh, oh, okay, okay.
Is my hair okay, now? Okay, do I look okay? Look, I'll meet you back here after I check out my new locker.
Good luck.
Is this your locker? Not really.
Mine's on the third floor.
Some big guy took it and made me come here.
Oh, you, too? Hey, Larry.
Hey, Brendan.
Wait a minute.
You mean to tell me you both share this locker? Yeah, that guy's stolen all the good lockers.
My was right next to the snack machine.
This is crazy.
We can't let him get away with this.
We outnumber him, y'all.
We should take some action.
Hey, Leland, this guy wants to get our lockers back like you tried to do.
So my mom says you wanted to see me.
Uh, yes.
With her.
Together.
Both of you.
Is that really necessary? I mean, why don't you and I just sit down Go get your mother.
Today! Aaahhh Is Raven here? Oh, what a shame.
Why don't the two of us just talk this out? No.
Oh, cranky.
Someone needs a little nappy nap.
Is my mother here? She just left.
Now why did she do that? She knows we need to talk about this.
Tell her that.
No, wait.
I'll tell her.
No! Wait! I'll tell her! Mrs.
Baxter.
Coming, I'm coming.
Mrs.
Bax You called? I'm a busy man, Mrs.
Baxter.
I've talked to you I've talked to your daughter, and now I'm going home to talk to myself and ask why I ever became a teacher.
Well, does that mean you don't want to see Raven? I don't need to see anyone anymore except maybe my mother.
Bye-bye, Mr.
Petracelli.
I heard you stole my baby's locker.
Look, all I was All right, now you get your things out of there pronto.
Am I making myself clear? But I've got all Hey! Now don't you "but" me, boy.
And if you say any of this to Eddie I got a bigger purse with buckles.
We're looking for Mr.
Petracelli.
We're Raven Baxter's parents.
Oh, oh, no.
Okay, okay You're young, walk.
All right, mom in the house! All right, look.
The guys and I have talked this over and although we prefer to avoid physical violence Or harsh language.
Or intimidating gestures.
I got this, guys.
Now could you please give us back our lockers? You know what? You can have them.
Sure is good to be back home.
Mr.
Petracelli, what are you still doing here? Oh, joy, you've returned.
Only because I was worried about you staying here at all times of night cracking your neck.
What kind of life is that? Mrs.
Baxter, are you in the PTA? No.
Let's keep it that way.
All right.
Excuse me, we're looking for Mr.
Petracelli.
We're Raven Baxter's parents.
Uh, no, it's Ms.
Petracelli.
But we got a message on our machine from a Mr.
Petracelli.
No, see, in the morning I got a little cold.
See, uh So, uh, maybe you should leave.
Um, the message on the machine said that, uh Raven was talking back.
Talking back speaking up.
I just call it a big, old misunderstanding.
Now, which brings us back to "bye-bye.
" Still here, all right, you're still here.
Okay.
Oh, look, a bake sale.
Ms.
Petracelli, we took off the entire afternoon to come down here.
So we're not leaving until we get this whole thing sorted out.
All right, we're not going Okay, all right.
Oh, now look at what is this doing here? I did not know Brazil was that big.
You know, it's funny.
We were just saying how responsible Raven's become.
We even got her a new phone.
And she loves that phone like a puppy.
She said.
To me.
Oh, look, I got mail.
You know, what bothers me the most that if Raven was having a problem in school why didn't she come to us about it? Mm-hmm.
Any thoughts about that, Ms.
Petracelli? Well, if I was Raven which I'm not maybe she would be afraid to come to you because she thinks that you want her to be perfect she said to me.
We don't expect her to be perfect.
Yes, you do.
You even called her "The New Raven.
" Look, Ms.
Petracelli maybe we gave Raven the wrong idea.
We are very proud of her, but that doesn't mean we don't expect her to mess up sometimes.
Yeah, we want her to feel like she can come to us even when she does mess up.
And if Raven doesn't know all that then maybe we're not doing our jobs as parents.
Raven thinks you're doing a great job.
Really? Really.
Victor, look.
It's Raven.
Holy cow.
It is.
Okay, now when did y'all find out? Well, when your butt went left, you went right.
Betrayed by the booty.
I know I disappointed you but will you please stop staring at me like that? Raven, please.
We're only taking the phone away for two weeks.
But it looks so sad, Dad.
Call me.
I just have one question.
When you put this on exactly what mother were you thinking of? You look bootylicious.
Here's one that everyone should know but few do.
The first capital of our country was? Oh, the chosen few.
Mr.
Brookwell.
I'm dorry.
I don't know.
I'm dorry you don't know, too.
But I do.
All right.
Mr.
Thomas.
You seem to have had time to chew on this one.
No, "uh" is the capital of "duh" which you seem to be the mayor of.
Hey, just in case you didn't know my hand is up over here.
All right, just letting you know.
All right.
Uh, uh, why don't we let Raven take this one? I didn't ask her.
I asked you.
The answer, class, is Philadelphia.
I hate he only calls on people who don't have their hands raised.
Yeah, and that cracking sound is nasty.
My grandmother does that with her toes.
Now many people attribute this scientific advance to Benjamin Franklin but it was really made by Michael Faraday.
Ms.
Baxter.
But I don't have my hand up.
Exactly.
Mr.
Petracelli when my hand is up, I know the answer and when my hand is down, I don't know the answer.
Let me explain it again.
Hand up-- know, hand down-- don't.
I'm just saying.
No.
You're just saying everything but the answer which is electricity which led to the light bulb which is obviously not going off in your head.
All right, Raven.
You really told Petracelli off.
So unless you have anything else to waste class time with As a matter of fact, I do.
Let me break it down.
Why do you only call on people who don't have their hand raised? Whom I call on is my choice.
Sit down.
Mmm.
But see, I had my hand up plenty of many of times today.
But you only called on me when I did not know the answer.
And I know why.
Because you have more fun embarrassing us than teaching us.
And trust me, the whole class got my back on this one right here.
It's probably, you know, the wrong time to be talking about this, right? Right.
And maybe, you know, after school we could toss it around a little bit.
Let's toss it around.
Good idea.
Why don't you and I toss it around tomorrow after school.
And, hey, let's toss in your parents, too.
All right, Raven.
You really told Petracelli off.
Rae Rae Yep, that's me.
Okay, my parents have to meet with Petracelli.
They are going to freak.
How am I going to tell them? Just fake being sick.
They can't get mad if you're sick.
I stopped doing that kind of stuff when I was eight.
It's brilliant.
Yeah.
And I got a great recipe for fake vomit.
Little bit of cream corn some yogurt and some dog food.
And if you pop it in the oven at 350, it'll actually steam.
Excuse me.
Say, brother, that's my locker! I know.
I had it last year.
It's a good location.
Right next to the water fountain.
But there are lots of water fountains.
I like this one.
You can't do this! I know my rights! I don't get it.
What's so great about being near that water fountain? Exhibit "A".
Fake vomit is great, but I need more.
I need a master in deceit and the art of psychological manipulations.
That's why I came to you.
You made a wise choice.
I'm going to need that five bucks up front.
It's cool.
Now This little trick works on Mom and Dad every time.
I call it "the three Cs.
" Now what does that stand for? "Crazy, creepy and constipated"? That was one night! Now do you want my help or not? Okay, I'm sorry.
The three Cs are? "Cuddle," "compliment" and the ever popular "cry".
Wait a second.
That's what got you out of burning the Christmas tree in '98? Yep.
I cuddled up in Mom's arms, complimented Dad on the great job he did with the Christmas lights.
And I even got a little tear.
Right here.
And they still gave you that new bike.
And a basketball.
Yeah '98 was a good year.
Corey Baxter! Get down here right now! Okay, I really screwed up in school today.
You might want to come and take notes.
Do you know who I just got off the phone with? Your teacher.
You have been acting up in class again.
Victor, talk to your son.
Corey Angry voice.
Corey.
We are very disappointed in you.
I'm sorry, Daddy.
Stay with me.
Don't you go cuddling up to him or giving us any of your lame compliments.
And don't you even think about crying or you're going to see a side of me that's not very pretty.
Mother, how is that possible when you're so beautiful? Knock it off and go to your room! I'm going to need that five bucks back.
What has gotten into him lately? He's always acting up with his teachers.
Don't be too hard on him, Mom.
I mean, he's just a kid and kids make mistakes.
Was she just defending her brother? I think so.
I've got to sit down-- the room is spinning.
Do you know what I think we're seeing here? A more mature, responsible young lady.
The new Raven.
Well, it's not really the new Raven, really.
I'm really the same ol' Raven.
Your grades have been good.
You've been helping out around the house.
Yeah, I can't remember the last time we were called down to the school because you were, I don't know, mouthing off about something.
Um I mean Ooh, don't you miss it? I mean, those were the good times.
I messed up and you got mad.
Whee! Anyhow, we're so proud of you that we have a little something for you.
Really? Well, I hope it's a very little something.
We were going to wait to your birthday but now is a great time.
Come on.
And now the greatest present a teenage girl could ever want.
"Ooh, you got me Lebron, 'cause I like them tall.
#Here you go, baby.
Oh.
You got me a phone.
With your own phone number.
I even programmed the speed dial for you.
Your best friend in the whole world is number one.
Go ahead, try it.
Okay.
Hey, girlfriend.
I'll show you how to delete it later.
Okay.
Uh, Mom Dad You know, I don't really know how to say this And you don't have to.
Just keep up the good work.
Call me.
Yay.
Rae, just hang up and go tell them the truth.
They'll understand.
Not after they told me how proud they were of me.
No way, okay? To them, I'm the new Raven.
And the new Raven doesn't mess up.
So, what's the new Raven going to do? Well, I guess I'm just going to have to go to Petracelli talk to him-- no parents-- one-on-one.
Go get your mother.
Today! Aah! Okay, that didn't go too well.
I want my mommy.
Look at that slob.
He's disgusting! I mean, that is my locker and if I don't take a stand now it's going to ruin my reputation! Thomas, you don't have "a reputation!" Hey, man.
We got a problem.
We do? Yeah, I'm not sharing my locker, okay? Oh, that's cool.
Uh, uh, uh, you-you're throwing out my stuff.
And it can go into my old locker.
Here's the combination.
Problem solved.
When the temperature's hot And the music is pumping Slow down.
This is a hallway, not a freeway! None of that.
Looking good, Ritchie.
Honey, don't go runnin' to your mama.
Well, you look like a fine young student.
Could you please point me to Mr.
Petracelli's class? Yeah, uh, one floor down, first door to your left.
Aren't you a nice young man? Look at those cheeks! Oh, come on with the pinching of the cheeks! It's me-- Raven.
Raven? No, I am Tonya Baxter.
Raven's mother.
My daughter is in a bit of a jam and I'm here to bail her out, all right? I'm coming back for you.
Come on, Daddy, let's go.
Come on now.
You don't even look like your mom.
You look more like you ate your mom.
Relax, Eddie, okay? Petracelli's never even met my mom.
I'll just go in there tell him Raven is grounded for life and then I'll unground myself.
All right, I'm going to go in to see Mr.
Petracelli.
I want you to count to ten, knock on the door and say that there's an emergency at home and that I have a phone call.
Well, hello there, Mr.
Petracelli.
I'm Tonya Baxter, Raven's mother.
Uh, thanks for coming.
Anything for my baby's favorite teacher.
Uh, so I know this is about my baby getting talkative in class and she assures me that she's very sorry and it'll never happen again.
Is that someone knocking? I, uh, I didn't hear anything.
Mrs.
Baxter, where's Raven? Raven is out in the car crying, crying her little eyes out.
Big puffy red things, runny nose even a face a mother wouldn't look at.
Now I'm sure I heard somebody knocking! There is no one there.
Now, I need to speak with you and Raven together.
Okay, when would you want that, Mr.
Petracelli.
Oh, when? Let me check my calendar.
Now! Okay, then.
I'll see what I can do.
Knock, knock.
Who's there? Not you! Excuse me.
But I think the mayonnaise on my sardine sandwich I ate for lunch went bad so, uh, I want to apologize for any discomfort I may cause you young ladies.
If you have perfume, I'd spray it now.
Hurry up.
Okay, okay.
How do I look? You have your mother's hair.
You know, I've been told that No, no.
You have your mother's hair.
Oh, oh, okay, okay.
Is my hair okay, now? Okay, do I look okay? Look, I'll meet you back here after I check out my new locker.
Good luck.
Is this your locker? Not really.
Mine's on the third floor.
Some big guy took it and made me come here.
Oh, you, too? Hey, Larry.
Hey, Brendan.
Wait a minute.
You mean to tell me you both share this locker? Yeah, that guy's stolen all the good lockers.
My was right next to the snack machine.
This is crazy.
We can't let him get away with this.
We outnumber him, y'all.
We should take some action.
Hey, Leland, this guy wants to get our lockers back like you tried to do.
So my mom says you wanted to see me.
Uh, yes.
With her.
Together.
Both of you.
Is that really necessary? I mean, why don't you and I just sit down Go get your mother.
Today! Aaahhh Is Raven here? Oh, what a shame.
Why don't the two of us just talk this out? No.
Oh, cranky.
Someone needs a little nappy nap.
Is my mother here? She just left.
Now why did she do that? She knows we need to talk about this.
Tell her that.
No, wait.
I'll tell her.
No! Wait! I'll tell her! Mrs.
Baxter.
Coming, I'm coming.
Mrs.
Bax You called? I'm a busy man, Mrs.
Baxter.
I've talked to you I've talked to your daughter, and now I'm going home to talk to myself and ask why I ever became a teacher.
Well, does that mean you don't want to see Raven? I don't need to see anyone anymore except maybe my mother.
Bye-bye, Mr.
Petracelli.
I heard you stole my baby's locker.
Look, all I was All right, now you get your things out of there pronto.
Am I making myself clear? But I've got all Hey! Now don't you "but" me, boy.
And if you say any of this to Eddie I got a bigger purse with buckles.
We're looking for Mr.
Petracelli.
We're Raven Baxter's parents.
Oh, oh, no.
Okay, okay You're young, walk.
All right, mom in the house! All right, look.
The guys and I have talked this over and although we prefer to avoid physical violence Or harsh language.
Or intimidating gestures.
I got this, guys.
Now could you please give us back our lockers? You know what? You can have them.
Sure is good to be back home.
Mr.
Petracelli, what are you still doing here? Oh, joy, you've returned.
Only because I was worried about you staying here at all times of night cracking your neck.
What kind of life is that? Mrs.
Baxter, are you in the PTA? No.
Let's keep it that way.
All right.
Excuse me, we're looking for Mr.
Petracelli.
We're Raven Baxter's parents.
Uh, no, it's Ms.
Petracelli.
But we got a message on our machine from a Mr.
Petracelli.
No, see, in the morning I got a little cold.
See, uh So, uh, maybe you should leave.
Um, the message on the machine said that, uh Raven was talking back.
Talking back speaking up.
I just call it a big, old misunderstanding.
Now, which brings us back to "bye-bye.
" Still here, all right, you're still here.
Okay.
Oh, look, a bake sale.
Ms.
Petracelli, we took off the entire afternoon to come down here.
So we're not leaving until we get this whole thing sorted out.
All right, we're not going Okay, all right.
Oh, now look at what is this doing here? I did not know Brazil was that big.
You know, it's funny.
We were just saying how responsible Raven's become.
We even got her a new phone.
And she loves that phone like a puppy.
She said.
To me.
Oh, look, I got mail.
You know, what bothers me the most that if Raven was having a problem in school why didn't she come to us about it? Mm-hmm.
Any thoughts about that, Ms.
Petracelli? Well, if I was Raven which I'm not maybe she would be afraid to come to you because she thinks that you want her to be perfect she said to me.
We don't expect her to be perfect.
Yes, you do.
You even called her "The New Raven.
" Look, Ms.
Petracelli maybe we gave Raven the wrong idea.
We are very proud of her, but that doesn't mean we don't expect her to mess up sometimes.
Yeah, we want her to feel like she can come to us even when she does mess up.
And if Raven doesn't know all that then maybe we're not doing our jobs as parents.
Raven thinks you're doing a great job.
Really? Really.
Victor, look.
It's Raven.
Holy cow.
It is.
Okay, now when did y'all find out? Well, when your butt went left, you went right.
Betrayed by the booty.
I know I disappointed you but will you please stop staring at me like that? Raven, please.
We're only taking the phone away for two weeks.
But it looks so sad, Dad.
Call me.
I just have one question.
When you put this on exactly what mother were you thinking of? You look bootylicious.