The A-Team (1983) s05e06 Episode Script

The Say U.N.C.L.E. Affair

She's a beauty, Colonel.
I'm gonna treat her like the proud lady she is.
Hannibal! Yes? One moment, please.
Unauthorized access on the blue line.
Who is it? Brown Fox.
I should have known.
Brown Fox always takes the most direct route.
Open Channel D.
Hello, Brown Fox.
This is Black Wolf.
I hear there's a hunter in the woods.
I'm afraid he's lost his way.
The old handshake still serves us well, my friend.
Or should I say, General? Titles are the shields weak men hide behind.
Isn't that what we used to say? We used to say a lot of things back then.
Both of us possessed a certain wisdom in our youth.
Have you considered my offer? I've been thinking of nothing else.
Look, I'm in Los Angeles.
Why don't we arrange a meeting? Well, I'm on my way there myself.
Shall we say The Pit at 8:00 a.
m.
? I'll see you there.
Welcome back to the club, Ivan Trigorin.
Your talents have been lying fallow long enough.
The world has changed quite a bit since we were partners.
One's life still depends on the loyalty of friends.
Yes, well, there's something I need to tell you.
My decision to return, in part, is motivated by a bit of trouble I've fallen into.
Trouble is the best motivator I know.
What kind do you have? Ml5 in London.
They recruited me at the University for a bit of minor dabbling.
A lighthouse operation.
Well, whenever Ml5 has trouble, they always go looking for a sacrificial lamb.
Well, that seems to be the case.
Let me show you something.
Slowly, slowly, Ivan.
A very elaborate story, but I have your updated packet.
There's no mention of our cousins at Ml5.
Turn around.
Right.
Let's leave before they arrive.
Get to the car quickly.
Quickly.
I told them it was bad cover.
All right, slide over.
You drive.
Hold it, please.
Your wristwatch.
It's just a watch.
Very nice, Ivan.
What does it do? It tells time.
Oh, it is so nice to be back in LA.
The freeways, the shallow people, the superficial relationships.
How could we have lived anywhere else? And don't forget the smog.
Oh, the smog.
And that sunset when the light hits the inversion layer just right, it turns a beautiful shade of orange.
Brings a tear to the eye.
My sentiments exactly, Colonel.
I love this place.
It's not every day a kid from the barrio gets to stay at the Beverly Palms Hotel.
And buy a pair of $600 alligator boots and charge them to room service.
No go? Take them back, Frankie.
It's not nice to waste the taxpayers' money.
Okay.
And now, with the network news update, here's Wendy Gordon.
The Kremlin today accused the United States of stealing its top-secret stealth bomber.
The US ambassador to the Soviet Union has yet to respond.
Now who could have done that? He's late, that's not like him.
Where's Face? Said he was visiting a sick aunt.
I thought you said he had a sick aunt.
She seems to have made a rapid recovery.
Thank you.
Sorry she couldn't stay, guys, but she had to run.
She's collecting alms for the poor.
Then tell her to stop by my room and collect.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Front desk just got a strange message.
Said the caller said, "Turn to Channel 8.
" Stockwell.
Good morning, gentlemen.
I'm in the jet, flying at 30,000 feet.
The room you're in is equipped with a two-way video.
How about the bedroom? We have a major problem.
General Stockwell is missing.
He's been missing since 0600.
We found his car empty.
Maybe he went to the movies.
He communicates with us every 30 minutes.
He's definitely in trouble, and we've moved to Code Gray.
When's the last time you saw him? Just before he went to meet this man, Ivan Trigorin, code name Brown Fox.
He's a major international player.
His cover is Professor of Psychology from Oxford in England.
He's here on a lecture tour in the United States.
As a matter of fact, he's speaking this afternoon at UCLA.
And Stockwell, he didn't have any idea that this Trigorin was gunning for him? He was once one of the General's most trusted friends.
They were partners at the CIA for nearly 10 years.
In this business, that's a very long time.
Nice business.
My messenger has put a file in the desk drawer, Mr.
Santana.
That's the file on Trigorin.
Everything we know about him.
Read it and destroy it.
This is the last time we'll be able to communicate.
You must find Stockwell within the next 36 hours.
Or what? Everything folds up and disappears.
This process has already begun.
Unless the General's voice hits the blue phone before the deadline, everything, every bit of this operation will vanish.
You would be on your own.
And what about our pardon? It disappears with the General.
I don't like party crashers.
We have nothing to say.
We are with the Soviet Consulate.
Talk up or I'll turn you into borscht.
We have diplomatic immunity.
Not from me you don't.
I'm gonna ask you one more time.
What are you doing here? Finish him off, B.
A.
Maybe the next one will talk.
I will talk! I'm listening.
My orders are to find General Stockwell.
We followed the messenger from the jet.
Okay, B.
A.
, get rid of him and his two buddies.
But if the KGB hasn't got Stockwell, then who does? Good of you to join us, General.
I'd like to introduce Dr.
Kwai Li.
He'll be assisting me in our time together.
DR.
Ll: I am honored, General.
Excuse me for not standing, Dr.
Li.
And my apologies to you.
I'm afraid I underestimated you.
Your dossier doesn't say anything about working for the Chinese.
Secrets still exist.
Some even from you.
Perhaps you'd care to share some secrets with me? Offhand, I can't think of any.
I'll have to help you then.
You realize, of course, this is strictly business.
Nothing personal.
Of course.
It should be of interest to both of us, though.
Considering our mutual interest in the tolerances of the human mind.
It's a long way from Cuba.
Light years.
Where is it? Where is what? I'm afraid the subject is ready.
You're aware you're breaking every rule of the Geneva Convention? When did we ever worry about the Swiss? Especially you.
I thought this was only business.
I guess we're not working together on this one.
No, General.
On this particular occasion, only one of us is coming back.
Oh, absolutely, I love the place.
Listen, I'll be coming over to your office in a few minutes and Oh, no, no, that's all right.
I'll come to you.
Great.
We'll see you then.
Guys, we're not out of here in 10 minutes, we're gonna have to sign a lease.
The old scam man, back in action, huh? Scam man is never out of action.
I can't believe Stockwell would just walk into a trap like that.
Whoever hired Trigorin knew he'd get close to Stockwell.
The question is who? Hey, man, if we don't figure that out, we're gonna be fugitives.
We're gonna be out there all alone.
Oh, man, you're making me nostalgic.
We're gonna be on the run forever.
That's a long time.
Relax, Frankie.
Grab a file.
If he's still alive, we get to him in 18 hours, we're back in business.
Cover file.
No clues here, Colonel.
Nothing in his personal file.
All right.
The KGB doesn't have him.
Now, who's big enough or hungry enough to make a play for the plane? Libya.
Iran.
Cuba.
Chinese, North Koreans Chinese.
Chinese, Chinese, Chinese.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Yes.
Here it is.
For the last six months, according to his Oxford files, Ivan Trigorin has been auditing graduate-level courses in Mandarin Chinese.
I like that.
Well, howdy there, little lady.
Now, the old chuck wagon just rolled on in.
How about letting me come on in and drop some grub off on your boys? You folks sure do have yourselves a mighty fine spread.
I'm looking for the gent who is one mighty hungry hombre.
Now, who put in the double order of Moo Goo Gai Pan, huh? Well, well.
Tarnation.
Look at that.
I plumb forgot the soy sauce.
Old Chef Hop Sei, he's gonna wail the living daylights out of me.
Gonna give me a hit right here on the old butt.
Yeah, I'm sorry, ma'am.
I don't quite understand what you're trying to say to me.
Speak clearly.
You got a stereo and everything in this place.
What kind of music are you listening to? I don't understand.
A bathroom, you got everything that the Shoot, what's a little soy sauce among friends? I can't take no more of this jukebox music.
Hey, come on.
Hey, be careful with that.
It belongs to my cousin.
Man, you crank it up one more time, and it belongs to the garbage man.
You just don't appreciate fine stereo equipment.
We're talking state of the art here.
Compact disk, theater-size speakers.
Come on, let me enjoy it while I'm still a free man.
Frankie, why on earth would your cousin put such a fine sound system into his motor home? Well, his clientele demands it.
He rents this baby out on all the big tours.
Major names.
Glenn Frey, Tom Petty, Huey Lewis.
Next time you use that shower, remember, Madonna stood in there naked.
You see, the Chinese Consulate was remodeled two years ago.
I got these contractor's plans from the city files.
How do you get this stuff, man? Well, just let me say there's a lovely young lady in the City Planner's office who will be my guest for dinner at La Palm.
That is if we don't have to leave the country.
Now, there's a room in the first floor with no windows.
That'd be the center of their intelligence operation.
Yeah, if Stockwell's in there, that's where they probably got him.
Okay.
Here's the plan.
B.
A.
, at 0500, you, Face and Murdock slip inside.
Frankie and I will use this as a mobile reconnaissance.
Then, at exactly 0520 Sorry to interrupt, Colonel.
Whoa! Hey.
Captain Murdock reporting, sir.
The Chinese consulate is in a state of military preparedness.
Troops are billeted on the second floor, armed and lethal.
I, myself, was struck repeatedly with Moo Shu Pork and Egg Foo Young.
Good work, Captain.
Did you get the pictures? In a matter of seconds you will have a full compliment of eight-by-ten glossies and wallet-size photos for your family collection.
Frankie, show Murdock to the Madonna memorial shower and then develop that film.
Stockwell here.
Good afternoon, General, this is the President.
Good afternoon, Mr.
President.
What can I do for you? Firstly, I'd like to congratulate you on the success of your mission.
Secondly, I have to inform you of grave repercussions.
The Russians are mobilizing in East Germany.
They've threatened to blockade West Berlin unless the stealth fighter is returned immediately.
I must know the location of that jet.
Sir, I Where is it? I "Four score and seven years ago, "our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation " Having fun with this, General? Think you can keep up this charade indefinitely? It's only a question of time before you Time.
All dead now.
Never had a chance, did they, huh? wall 99 bottles of beer If one of those bottles Where is it? Oh, Javelin, Cuba.
Cuba.
All dead now, all dead now.
Never had a chance.
Forget Cuba.
Where's the jet? "This above all, "to thine own self be true.
"It follows, as the night the day, "Thou canst then not be false to any man, any man.
" Give him another injection.
Any more and we may lose him.
That's a risk he'll just have to take.
Classified report 7961 to the Joint Chief of Would you shut up? Operation code name, Javelin.
You've got three hours.
Considered dishonorable, Stockwell And when I come back, you'd better have a way to break him, or I'll break you.
absolved of all actions considered dishonorable.
Okay, 0500 exactly.
Let's do it.
Guys, watch out for the infrared sensors.
There's got to be a switch here somewhere.
Hey, look, Faceman, here it is.
Got it.
Hey, hey, hey, check this out.
Let me see here.
Nothing.
Try that Russian.
Trigorin.
Right.
Nothing! Hurry up, man.
We ain't got all day.
Yeah, yeah, all right, all right.
I got an idea.
Brown Fox.
Bingo! He's at a psychiatric hospital.
Now! Let's get them out of there.
Go, go, go! No Stockwell, but we got a lead.
Coastal Psychiatric Hospital.
Okay.
You and Frankie go to UCLA and trail Trigorin.
Murdock and I'll check out this psychiatric hospital.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
This little doohickey says I am perfectly and sensationally sane.
I'm not going back to any mental hospital.
Okay, Murdock, relax, relax.
Murdock, I'm only asking you to pretend.
Okay.
Strangers in the night Exchanging glances Lovers at first sight What were the chances We'd be sharing love Before the night was through? Hey, driver, step on it! I'm gonna be late for a date Almost there, Mr.
Sinatra.
I'm Dr.
Buchannon.
I called earlier about a room for my patient.
Let me see.
Hey, doll, what's the big hold up? I've got to get to my dressing room What is the name of your patient? Mr.
Sinatra.
Mr.
Frank Sinatra.
It's the Chairman of the Board to you.
Give me a room with a view, sweets Send up a boy with a bucket of ice Dom Perignon would be nice Hey, I got a show to do.
See you later.
See you on stage.
Call me irresponsible I have never seen a patient in such a deep state of delusion.
If there's any problem, call me.
Day or night.
When somebody loves you It's no good unless he loves you All the way Your dressing room's ready, Mr.
Sinatra.
Listen, buttinski, I got a show here, I got people to entertain.
You'll see them all at the benefit.
The bellman will see you to your suite.
Here, see that I get a good room.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
I'd like to leave you now with one final thought.
Over the years, my research into the human mind has taught me many things.
The most important being the fact that few, if any of us, ever reach our full intellectual potential.
Why is this? The major reason, in my understanding, involves a word which most people want to avoid.
That word is "fear.
" I urge you to become bold and courageous explorers of new thoughts and ideas.
Let no fear stand in your way.
By transcending our fears, we discover the richest rewards imaginable.
The true creative potential of our own minds.
I promise you a grand and glorious adventure.
Thank you.
Frankie, come on, we're supposed to be watching this guy, not making him rich.
Between you and me, I think Hannibal's been reading the wrong reviews.
This guy is a genius.
Look, he must be going to the parking garage.
I'll get the car.
Frankie, don't lose him.
You got it.
Looking for something? You know, you shouldn't sneak up on people like that.
I was just trying to get into my car.
I believe this is my car.
I must be on the wrong parking level.
I got the same color XJ6.
Yeah.
They all look alike to me.
Well, I guess I better be shoving off.
It was nice meeting you.
Don't forget your books.
Oh, yes, right.
Thanks.
Auto theft is not nice.
What are you trying to do, murder me? You shouldn't mess with this Russian dude.
He's a trained killer.
He sucker-punched me is all.
If I'd have gotten ahold of him, he'd be dead meat.
You were like dead meat.
For a garden variety killer, he writes an interesting book.
The guy's a phony.
Trash it.
Hey, hey, hey.
Frankie, relax.
You're gonna really hurt yourself here.
Hannibal, how much longer does Murdock need to stay in that hospital? I don't know.
But the longer they keep Stockwell, the sooner they're gonna find out that he doesn't know where we hid the jet.
And guess what's gonna happen when Trigorin finds that out.
Man, I hope you're on your game, Murdock.
When I was 17 It was a very good year It was a very good year for small town girls And soft summer nights We'd hide from the lights On the village green When we were 17 When I was 21 It was a very good year It was a very good year for city girls Who lived up the stairs With their perfumed hair That came undone When I was 21 But now the days are short I'm in the autumn of the year And I think of my life as vintage wine From fine old kegs, it poured sweet Listen, gentlemen Listen, gentlemen, I'm looking for the auditorium.
I've got songs to sing.
You want autographs? Autographs, no problem.
All right, anybody got a pen? No, you don't have a pen? Here, buy yourself a pen.
Buy a couple pens.
Fairy tales can At heart At heart At heart At heart Fairy tales can Fairy Listen, I wanna tell you something, the hospitality around here stinks.
Better let me handle this.
Whatever you say, Doctor.
But this one is in permanent orbit.
At heart At heart At heart At You can't get out of here when you're all wrapped up, Frank.
Let me tell you something, these old blue eyes have been doing their job.
This hole is one big clip joint.
If it wasn't for my fans, I'd have been out of this drink-water hole.
We are running out of time, old buddy.
I like you, kid.
You got a lot of spunk.
Let's take a stroll.
Fairy tales can come true It can happen to you There, you see, Mr.
Sinatra? All your fans are waiting for you.
Nothing to worry about.
We've checked every floor.
Not a guard anywhere.
I tell you, there's a rat in this operation.
I can smell it a mile away.
For as rich as you are We've missed it somewhere, Murdock.
Wait a minute.
Start counting seconds, start now.
One, scoobie-doobie-do.
Two, scoobie-doobie-do.
Three, scoobie-doobie-do.
Eleven, scoobie-doobie-do.
Twelve, scoobie-doobie-do.
Well, what do you know? I know I'm tired of saying scoobie-doobie-do.
It takes two seconds to go between each floor.
But between floors five and six it takes four seconds.
Which means there's an unmarked floor somewhere between.
And we're gonna get on that floor.
Frankie, I think we're standing on the edge of something truly great here.
We're flying directly over the target area.
We're holding steady at and go.
The ground is rushing towards you.
Faster and faster.
You reach for your ripcord.
You pull.
Nothing happens.
Your parachute malfunctions.
straight down! It's no use, Stockwell.
There's only one thing can save you.
Tell me where it is.
Now! Before it's too late.
No more of this.
Let's take another ride on an airplane, shall we, General? We can jump together, Ivan.
Cuba and Javelin, they need our help, you know.
Shut up, Stockwell.
They're our friends.
They're our friends, now.
We can't let them down.
We can't.
I said shut up.
They've been very loyal.
We can't forget about them.
We can't forget about them.
Shut up! Where is Javelin? Where is Javelin? You'll never get him to talk.
Where is Javelin? No, Ivan.
Don't listen to him.
Don't let him break you.
Liar.
You were the one who sold them out.
Twenty-seven men and women, the entire Javelin network, all dead because of you.
All these years I thought it was a bad dream.
If I had known then, I would have killed you myself.
Where is it? Where's the jet? Tell me or you die right here.
Break, damn you.
If you knew the humiliation I've been through.
It's an earthquake! This is an emergency earthquake evacuation.
All hospital personnel please accompany patients to a stairwell or an exit.
Do not use the elevators.
Bring him to the roof.
Up here, Murdock.
Back up.
No, Hannibal, let them go.
I've got something you want, you've got something I want.
What do you say we make a deal? What are you doing here? He's selling you out.
Not really, General, this is peace with honor.
That was a nice trick you pulled at the hospital, Colonel Smith.
Any more tricks and you and the General are both dead.
Relax, Trigorin.
Without the General, my men face a guaranteed death sentence.
You want the Russian jet, we wanna live.
Fly me to the moon And let me play among the stars Hey, fool, shut up.
Mind your manners, Sammy, or I'll have Dino throw you out.
Come on, we got 10 minutes, man.
We're in Double Red.
Come on, make this thing move.
I'm going as fast as I can, man.
Hey, boys and girls, look at that.
And Springsteen thinks he's the Boss.
Trigorin, make your pilot put it down in the back lot.
Over there, just past the Western Street.
A film studio? You must be kidding, Smith.
Okay, B.
A.
, turn in here.
How we gonna get in there? Don't worry, I know this place like the back of my hand.
In a moment you'll see Western Street, once one of the busiest sets on the back lot.
Looks like they're on a take right now, so we'll keep our voices down.
Maybe you'll get a chance to see one of your favorite movie stars.
There are several feature films and television shows in production at this time.
So keep your eyes open.
You never know what surprises are in store on any given day, here at Hollywood Central Studios.
Come on, Smith, nobody in his right mind would hide a jet in a film studio.
Oh, I don't know.
Take a look.
We'll never get it out of here.
Well, I told you I'd show you where it was.
Getting it out of here, that's your problem.
You're gonna hang for this, Colonel.
Well, one day might come when you will thank me, General.
That day might come very soon.
Go ahead, I'll cover you.
Trigorin's getting away.
Goodness, they must be shooting a war movie over there.
To the right, we have Tombstone Gulch.
Used for many of the exciting shootouts in the TVseries, Gunsmoke.
It almost looks real, doesn't it? I'm going after him.
Cover me.
Well, aren't those stuntmen wonderful? Okay, this is picture, folks.
Background, let's get it right this time.
Let's do it.
Out of the way.
Let's hear it for our special effects department.
Boy, that looks real.
Hello, Brown Fox.
Where is it? Tell me or you die.
You were the one who sold us out.
The entire Javelin network.
Liar! Only one of us is coming back.
Twenty-seven men and women Don't listen to him.
Don't let him break you.
are dead because of you.
The subject is ready.
If I had known then, I would have killed you myself.
If you knew the humiliation I've been through.
I would have killed you myself.
Well, I guess that takes care of Trigorin.
I won't sign the death certificate until after I sift through the wreckage.
As for you, Colonel, our deal's off.
You destroyed the jet, and I intend to put you behind bars.
No, no, General.
Our deal is on.
The jet we destroyed is a prop airplane.
The real one is stashed outside of Barstow.
Want me to dial for you? This is General Stockwell calling the Ice House for a voice print verification.
Alert canceled.
Repeat, alert canceled.
Condition green.
We're coming home.
There he is.
Come on.
Hurry up.
I can't believe it's him.
Oh, I'm so excited.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to present the greatest voice of our time.
The one, the only Relax, people.
Guess who's back in town.

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