The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s05e03 Episode Script

Caballo Sin Cabeza

1 [cat purrs, meows.]
[fast, lively flamenco music playing.]
[screams.]
[giggles.]
- [Puss yowling.]
- El Gato! [yowls.]
[suspenseful music playing.]
[slurps, burps.]
That was 61.
[all.]
Yay! - [all chanting.]
Puss in Boots! - Fellow San Lorenzans.
Your attention, please.
It is I, Eames.
I've prepared some reflections on the state of our fair city.
[exclaims.]
[chanting continues.]
Puss in Boots! As I was saying, I've been doing some nap testing, and, uh Um [clears throat.]
First item, our fountain.
And how loud it is.
Why, during my morning nap today Whoops.
Excuse you.
[playing melodic tune.]
Furthermore Fellow San Lorenzans.
Your attention, please.
[stops playing.]
- Um, pardon me, Puss, but I was - As you know, a portal to the Netherworld has opened up in San Lorenzo.
The portal's presence in town poses a challenge for the town's protector.
[chuckles.]
Which is exactly how I like it.
[all cheering.]
Let it be known that I'll defeat whatever monster emerges from vile caldera.
And after I do, there will be feasting and dancing.
And the dancing will look like this! [lively flamenco music playing.]
[screams.]
[sighs.]
Yeah, that's really impressive, Puss.
So, right, our fountain is too loud.
Next item, our beloved orphans are also too loud.
Um Oh, no one ever pays attention to me.
I'm a nobody.
Unless someone disagrees? - [exclaims.]
- Whoops! Didn't see you there um uh Eames.
No, that's not it.
[sighs.]
[man.]
He found possums living under his house.
[men laughing.]
- I don't wanna have cheese.
- That's what I said.
[both laughing.]
[melancholic instrumental music playing.]
Oh, crud.
It stinks being me.
When will I get recognized as the potentially-heroic-depending- on-the-circumstances fella that I know myself to be? Huh? [thunder rumbling.]
- [horse neighs.]
- [screams.]
[suspenseful music playing.]
Did you know that "papier-mâché" is French for "chewed paper"? [Toby munching.]
The French have some weird customs.
[munching.]
Now I'm thirsty.
Pass the glue? Don't worry, Wimblegurp.
We're gonna make you lots of animal friends.
Hmm? [crows cawing.]
[hoofbeats approaching.]
[yelps.]
Hey, Wimblegurp, where ya going? - [thunder rumbling.]
- [neighs.]
[all scream.]
What is it? - [neighs.]
- [all continue screaming.]
Children, this way.
[screams.]
- [screams.]
- [all screaming.]
Hurry, inside.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
[screams.]
Esme! - [thunder rumbling.]
- [screams.]
[banging.]
[all grunting.]
[horse neighing.]
[gasping.]
[panting.]
Dulcinea, what's wrong? In the square.
It's a [Dulcinea gasps.]
- Oh, no.
- [neighing.]
It's the Caballo Sin Cabeza.
[all gasp.]
Did you know that just means "horse with no head"? Yes, but the Caballo Sin Cabeza isn't just any headless horse.
[Pajuna.]
Long ago, it pulled the magical flying chariot of a powerful wizard who lived in a castle in the sky.
One day, it fell asleep under a tree.
[Kid Pickles.]
How was there a tree in the sky? [Pajuna.]
Oh, you're fine with a castle on the sky, but not a tree? Anyway, the horse overslept, making the wizard miss a speaking engagement at an important wizards conference.
The wizard was furious, so she banished it to the Netherworld without its head.
[neighs.]
The Caballo Sin Cabeza is doomed to spend its days galloping around until it finds a head it likes.
- Ugh! - [Señora Zapata screams.]
[screams, grunts.]
[whimpering.]
- [gasps.]
- [neighs.]
- [screams.]
- Señora Zapata! [continues screaming loudly.]
[hoofbeats approaching.]
[dramatic instrumental music playing.]
Huh? - [screams.]
- [all gasp.]
What is happening? [screaming.]
[man.]
What the [people screaming.]
- Whoa.
- Somebody help! - [kids screaming.]
- [Puss.]
Whoa! Back.
Whoa, señora! [clicks tongue.]
Do not talk to me like I am a horse.
I have no control over this beast.
Do something.
Do I attack? Or will hurting the horse hurt you? How should I know? I thought you were the hero.
I am the hero.
The very confused and not-sure-what-to-do hero.
Puss, you've got to come see this.
Now what trouble is afoot? I will be right back.
This, I swear.
You are useless, Puss in the Boots! There's no pleasing that horse-woman.
[gasps.]
I know, right? Sort of horrifying, but tasteful at the same time.
This does not in any way make sense, but Señora Zapata has exchanged bodies with a horse.
Uh, no.
A headless horse emerged from the portal to the Netherworld and stole Señora Zapata's head by blowing magical dust onto her.
Of course, this makes more sense.
Once again, I am unsure what to do.
Do I attack? Do I not attack? Why could not the next monster to emerge from the portal have been something I could fight-stab? [suspenseful guitar music playing.]
[Puss gasps.]
[groans.]
Ha-ha! Once again, I have saved the day.
Señora Zapata, are you all right? Say something.
[gasps.]
So tired.
Have to regain strength.
So I can yell at Puss! [growls.]
Clearly, she's on the road to recovery.
[grunting.]
[woman screams.]
[Mayor.]
Ay! I do not like this.
It is terrifying enough being attached to my own body.
It would appear that this horse is going around stealing people's heads almost as though it is looking for one it likes.
Uh, yeah.
If only someone had already mentioned that.
Someone over in this area, maybe.
Clearly, someone must tame this wild stallion.
Fortunately, I am the greatest tamer of horses in all the land.
It will take me no time to get inside that headless horse's head.
You know what I mean.
Puss.
Please, help me! - [screaming.]
- [neighs.]
Fear not, Mayor Temeroso.
The first step in taming a horse is to teach it to obey verbal commands.
Trot, horse.
Trot.
No, no.
Do not make him trot.
I am afraid to trot.
Caballo, I said trot.
- [screaming.]
- [neighs.]
That is not a trot.
That is a gallop.
[Mayor.]
I am also afraid to gallop! [sighs.]
Dulcinea.
It got your head? I'm trying very hard to stay positive.
Do not fear, Dulcinea.
I shall break this wild stallion by riding it.
And a-one, two, three.
- [Dulcinea.]
Uh - [grunts, groans.]
[romantic guitar music playing.]
Huh? [screams.]
Wait! [all scream.]
[panting.]
[all grunting.]
Ha! - [smack.]
- [Puss grunts.]
Ow.
[gasping.]
[panting.]
Make it a double, Pajuna.
[groans.]
[giggles.]
When you have a moment.
Puss, what are you doing? That horse is still out there stealing heads.
[Vina.]
Did you know that I don't like this? I will break this horse.
I just need a better plan.
- [Kid Pickles.]
Here, cat.
- [yelps.]
We made you a horse head.
That is hideous.
I mean, very good job.
Why did you do this? Uh, remember Wimblegurp? We made a costume when he came to town.
And it worked out great.
Do you not remember that your costume caused great deal of trouble? We decided that that didn't happen.
Uh-huh.
Well, thank you for the lovely artwork.
But what we need now is a plan to stop the caballo.
Does anyone have any ideas? Anybody? Say, I have an idea.
Come on, anything at all? There are no bad ideas.
Come on, pitch to me, people.
Pitch, pitch.
[horse snorts.]
Huh? Did you know you are about to get your head taken? [screams.]
Um, Puss? I'm a monster! Oh, no, Puss.
Now it has Uh Right, right, you know, that guy Um Eric? Eli? Ebenezer? Oh, oh! Wait, no, Eames.
Eames.
Right.
I think he is new in town.
[exclaims.]
No, no, no, no Whoa! [screams.]
- [neighing.]
- [screaming continues.]
How do you control this thing? [all screaming.]
Children, make way for Eames! Look out! It is Eames.
Everyone, pay attention to Eames so that he doesn't trample you to death.
Wait a second.
"Everyone pay attention to Eames"? So that he doesn't trample you to death.
Pay attention to Eames.
Pay attention to Eames.
Everyone! Pay attention to Eames! Yeah.
I like this.
[laughs.]
[western-style music playing.]
The stallion they couldn't tame No, they won't forget his name It's a sight to haunt your dreams A body of a horse and the face of Eames Whoa, look out, it's Horsey Eames Horsey Eames, yahoo Horsey Eames, yahoo The scariest horse you've ever seen Yahoo Horsey Eames [neighs.]
[exclaims, grunts.]
[munching.]
[Puss.]
All right, Eames.
Let me once again try to tame this horse, so that it will return your head to you.
[gulps.]
But why? I don't want to stop being a horse.
Nobody ever paid attention to me before.
Now, everywhere I go, all eyes are on me.
Yes, because you are horrifying.
Now, come, you're talking nonsense.
We must reunite you with your body.
Hey, where is my body, anyway? Um Look, Puss, I appreciate your concern, but I'm happy being half horse, half man, all attitude.
Well, if you are sure, then who am I to impose species norms on you? Hooray! Thanks, Puss.
Oh! Uh-oh! And we're off! Yeah! [orphans shouting, cheering.]
[Eames.]
Look out, everybody.
- Here comes Eames.
Whee! - [neighs.]
[Artephius.]
Whoo! Hey, you two.
I've got something important to tell you, but Well, that's funny.
I can't remember what it was.
Shoot.
Wow, this is a first.
Oh, well.
[gasps.]
The majestic Caballo Sin Cabeza.
Ooh, it sure is hideous.
Yes, and it's had Eames's head for three days now.
It looks like it may have finally settled on it.
Oh, that's great.
And Eames looks pretty happy, too.
All is right with the world.
Oh, it's too bad he'll die once the flame on his body burns out, though.
Anyway, toodles.
- [both gasp.]
- Artephius.
Can you repeat that horrible thing you said very nonchalantly? Oh, you know, how the flame burns out? And then the person's head and body both immediately die? Oh, no.
We have to save Eames! Eames is a goner if you don't get his head back on his body before the flame goes out.
And there are only two ways to do that.
Get it to take a different head instead or slay the Caballo Sin Cabeza.
Yes! I finally get to fight-stab something.
There's just one problem.
I don't want you to slay the caballo.
I don't want to go back to being boring old Eames.
I'm finally somebody.
A half-horse, half-human abomination somebody, sure, but somebody, nonetheless.
Eames, if we don't get your head back on your body, you'll die.
But if I go back to being just some handsome bald guy who everybody ignores all the time, that's social death.
I mean, which is worse? Real death.
Real death is worse.
[chuckles.]
Oh, right.
Yeah, obviously, real death is worse.
I mean, not even a contest when you think about it.
Okay, slay away.
- [grunts.]
- Whoa.
[neighs.]
[grunting.]
[Puss screaming.]
[Puss.]
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [Eames.]
Sorry, Puss.
I can't control this thing.
- [neighing.]
- [grunts.]
[Puss grunts.]
Uh-oh.
That's not good.
[groans.]
[thrilling instrumental music playing.]
You'll never catch us, Puss.
Fine.
Perhaps I cannot slay this beast.
But there is no way that I cannot tame this beast.
The aballo is too fast.
Which means I'm gonna die.
[crying.]
Why am I always the one to die? Run, Puss, run! Puss, look out! Caballo, halt.
[coughs.]
You see? No beast or monster can overcome the undeniable taming capabilities of the one and only Puss in Boo Darn it.
[grunts, groans.]
- [Puss screams.]
- Huh? [Puss shouting.]
Oh, no, no, no, no.
This was not the plan.
I do not like the way I am running.
The sequence of the four legs, it feels very wrong to me.
- [Puss grunting.]
- [neighing.]
- [Puss shouts.]
- [screams.]
No.
If the caballo takes your head again, you might not have enough life left to survive.
At least I'll go out heroically in a moment of glory [screams, slow-motion shouting.]
- [all gasp.]
- [shouting.]
[both screaming.]
[gasps.]
Eames! I'm alive.
And I, too, am alive.
[yowls.]
And so am I.
[neighs.]
Good-bye, caballo.
[all chanting.]
Puss in Boots! [chanting continues.]
Wait, my friends.
The credit actually belongs to Eames, whose bumbling ineptitude wound up saving the day.
Yeah.
Hey, wait a second.
- You did it, Eames.
- Me? - [all chanting.]
Eames! - Wow! Yeah.
Everybody pay attention to Eames! [all chanting.]
Eames! Friends, I promised there would be dancing.
And tonight's victory dance shall be led by Eames, the hero of San Lorenzo.
[all cheering.]
But for today only.
[lively flamenco music playing.]
[neighing.]
[fast, lively flamenco music playing.]

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