The Adventures Of Puss In Boots (2015) s06e10 Episode Script

All Hail, Puss!

1 [CAT PURRS, MEOWS.]
[FAST, LIVELY FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING.]
[SCREAMS.]
[GIGGLES.]
- [PUSS YOWLING.]
- El Gato! [YOWLS.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[PUSS.]
As you all may have noticed, the earthquakings are growing not only in frequency, but in severity.
But fear not.
For I have a solution! We will talk about it.
[ALL GROAN.]
[DUCHESS.]
That is your plan? Yes! Huzzah! So ideas, ideas, ideas.
[RASPING.]
Hmm, that may be too controversial to win wide support.
- Duchess? - Magic or something? - [PUSS.]
Pajuna? - It's pronounced "Artephius"! [GROWLS.]
Dulcinea? Sparrows, caterpillars, friendship, eyelashes I'm beginning to think I've overestimated the value of this book.
[GROANS.]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- [EAMES.]
Excuse me! I just may have an idea.
Hmm? Do not do the suspenseful speech thing.
That is my domain.
[STAMMERS.]
Okay.
So, our problem is below us, right? So what if the solution is above us? - [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- Hmm? [GRUNTS.]
[GRUMBLES, MOCKING.]
"Why not just ask Taranis and Toutatis for help?" They are gods! They are all-powerful!" [WHISTLES.]
Eames is not allowed to have good ideas! That is my thing! The whistling thing is a little disrespectful, bro.
To the heavens! Because [GROANS.]
Eames was right.
Ugh.
What's an Eames? It sounds like a skin infection.
- [PUSS.]
Hyah! - Good luck! We'll need it.
[TOUTATIS.]
Hey, hey, hey We're going away We ain't comin' back never When are we goin'? We're goin' today Leaving this realm forever And we ain't comin' back never - Leave this realm forever - [PUSS GRUNTS.]
Hello, my friends.
The Cat in Shoes, who is you! Welcome, brother.
It has been many moons.
- [PUSS GRUNTS.]
- Yeah, I'm here too, so Bloody good timing you got, mate.
We were just on our way out, for good.
Leaving this realm forever What? Leaving? Why? [TOUTATIS.]
Oh, you know, bunch of earthquakes.
Seems like the world is ending, innit? So we figured we'd bug off to someplace new.
The earthquakings are why I am here! - My faithful steed and I - Uh, uh, your what? rode all this way to ask your assistance in ending these quakes, before they destroy us all.
But can you not do it yourself? Did I not return your amazing god-cat powers when we last met? Yes, well, uh you see, they did not, uh, stick, and I am, sadly, powerless.
Well, we'd love to help, but we're literally one foot out the door.
Besides, earthquakes are the domain of Brigantia.
Huzzah! This is it! We'll just go talk to Brigantia.
- She'll stop the - No, we flippin' won't.
You do not want to mess with her, mate.
Trust me.
[SIGHS.]
I understand.
[PURRING.]
- Aw.
- Yeah, that won't work on us, mate.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh.
[PUSS GROANS SOFTLY.]
- [GROANS.]
- [TARANIS.]
But But? Toutatis and I could give you new, even better powers.
You can do that? Mate, we're gods.
For us, bestowing powers is the easiest thing next to going number one.
We call it "making it rain.
" Gross.
[TARANIS.]
Come.
- Let the ceremony begin.
- [THUNDER RUMBLES.]
[PUSS SHOUTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Cat in Shoes, do you solemnly accept the awesome powers we are about to bestow upon you? - Um, yes? - [THUNDER BOOMS.]
Then let's do this, mate.
[GRUNTS.]
[TARANIS AND TOUTATIS GRUNTING.]
[BOTH VOCALIZING.]
[THUNDER CRASHES.]
[GRUNTS.]
Aah! [VOICE FADING.]
Um, is he, like, all right? Uh, yeah, sure.
He'll be fine.
Whoa! I am reborn! - Oh, I hope he's all right.
- Why? [DRAMATICALLY.]
'Cause you love him? No! Ew! What? - Maybe.
I don't know.
Shush! - Mm! [PUSS ECHOES.]
Mortals! Behold! It is I, Puss in Boots! [SHOUTS.]
[GRUNTING.]
- Yay! - Oh, yes! - Puss! - Yay! You can, uh, fly? - Yes.
- Wow! I've literally never seen a flying cat before.
Yay! Everyone look at Puss, the world's only flying cat.
Oh, wait.
[SIGHS.]
Typical.
What happened up there? Oh, nothing much.
We had a little chitty-chit-chat, then in an ancient, terrifying ceremony, Taranis and Toutatis imbued me with godlike powers.
So what kind of stuff can you do? Hmm.
Well, I do not know, actually.
They did not really explain how [GRUNTS.]
[GROANS.]
Perhaps this is going to be a little harder than I thought.
Uh-oh.
[MOOS.]
- Meats! - [PUSS GRUNTS.]
- Hi.
- Ah-choo! [BELCHES, SHOUTS.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa! [GRUNTS.]
[SHOUTING.]
- [TOBY YELLS.]
- [RASPING.]
[PUSS GRUNTS.]
[WHEEZES.]
[GRUNTING.]
[SHOUTING.]
[YELLS.]
Whoa! I bet she doesn't even remember! Not another word about it.
I'm not talking to Brigantia! We need to talk.
Well, talk quick, mate, because Yes, you're leaving this realm forever.
I heard the song.
What is the matter, Lord of All Kittens? These powers you gave me are defective.
Oh-ho! Not flippin' likely.
Yes, flipping likely.
It is a nightmare! I fly around like a headless chicken, I rip every door off its hinges, and the eyeball blasts keep going off without warning! And what do you want us to do about it? Ooh, we could give him lessons.
Yes.
Lessons! That is exactly what I need.
Come to San Lorenzo, and teach me how to use my new abilities.
Then you can leave this realm.
You are honor-bound to do so.
First shut up.
Second, you came to us for help, remember? We don't owe you a thing.
But I am a danger to myself and everyone around me! Ah, you're just being dramatic.
I am not being dram Aah! Whoa! All right.
I guess we'll train you.
- [THIEVES GRUNTING.]
- [THUNDER CRASHES.]
[THIEF LAUGHING.]
All right, mate, trial by fire.
The only way to master your powers is by facing your mortal enemies on the glorious field of battle.
Now, are you gonna fight these guys or what? What? I cannot just pick a fight.
That would be dishonorable.
Ugh.
Fine.
Hey! Filthy thieves! This here cat just called your mother stupid! And ugly! Whose mother specifically? Uh, I don't know.
All of 'em, I guess.
How dare you? My mother is unconventionally beautiful! Mwah! - Oh! - Attack! [ALL YELLING.]
Good luck.
- Huh? - [ALL MUTTERING.]
[PUSS.]
Uh-oh.
[THIEVES SHOUTING.]
[PUSS YELLING.]
[LAUGHTER.]
[SWORD SCRAPES.]
[THIEF LAUGHING.]
[YELLS.]
Ah, the kid's a natural.
And then the thieves, who were really very, really a great many, rushed at me, and it was then that I did the eye thing.
I call it "power pupils," hereafter referred to as "PP.
" [SPUTTERS.]
Ha! I love being a god! We know, mate.
We were there.
Why does he keep telling us this? Whoa! [GRUNTS.]
Pajuna.
Hello.
Harken unto me.
I will have a double leche, for being a god is very hard work.
And, lo! Please, put whatever my godly friends want on my godly tab.
Good morrow, mortal cow-person.
I will take a flaming gourd full of Titania's Elixir.
We don't have that.
Ah, very well.
Make it a golden tankard of ambrosia, then.
We don't have that either.
Just milk.
Take it or leave it! [SNIFFS.]
I accept! So proclaims Taranis! [THUNDER BOOMS, ELECTRICITY CRACKLING.]
[GROANING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Puss, kindly ask your friends not to create weather systems inside my establishment! Come.
Let us drink.
Well, I'll be.
The gods from above, here in our humble little cantina.
Hi, how are you? How you doing? Eames is the name, and affability's the game.
Puss, what is this creature? This creature is Eames.
- Pay him no mind.
- [EAMES.]
Aw.
He is but a mere mortal.
Come! We will have our godly drinks on the sun! - Ya-ha! - [RUMBLING.]
[ALL YELLING.]
The earth! It quakes! Come, my godly friends.
Puss the Powerful is needed! San Lorenzo, I have got this! [GRUNTS.]
[PEOPLE SHOUTING.]
Hey! It worked! [LAUGHS.]
You did it! You stopped the earthquakes! All hail Puss! [ALL CHEERING.]
Well, uh, technically, it was my idea to get the gods involved, so - [SIGHS.]
- Puss, that was amazing! Of course.
For I am Puss the Powerful! - [MAN SCREAMING.]
- Huh? Someone needs my help.
I go! Oh, o-o-okay.
Be careful? Ha! I have defeated a thousand villains in one fell swoop.
Really? How? Do not attempt to understand my godly ways.
It could cause your brain to explode.
Gods, out! Ha! Again.
Good one, mate.
You're really progressing nicely.
Nobody zaps vegetables with their PPs better than Puss the Powerful! Aah! What's he doing to the food? [SOBBING.]
He's a monster! Puss, can we talk? Ungrateful mortal! You dare address a god? Ow! Ow! Please, harm me no further! Puss, I'm slightly concerned that That I am not powerful enough? Ha! Behold.
Oh, this is exactly what I'm concerned about.
Since you came back with powers, you've been Aha! Amazing? Incredible? Uncanny? Different.
I know it's exciting to be powerful.
I felt the same way when we were in the Netherworld.
But just remember that your actions have consequences.
[TOBY.]
Poor eggplant.
[SNIFFLING.]
He was so young.
[SQUEALING.]
Sometimes more than you may realize.
Hmm.
You may be right.
On one hand, perhaps I have gone too far.
[CHUCKLES.]
But on the other hand, nah.
A god such as myself would never make an error of judgment.
Okay, look.
I didn't want to say anything, but right now, this whole thing? You are being a jerk, and unless you quit it, you're gonna turn the whole town against you.
- I beg your pardon? - No, just shush! Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go plan a vegetable funeral, to which you are not invited! - Dulcinea? - Eh, don't pay her any attention, mate.
These pathetic mortals never appreciate us gods.
[SIGHS.]
Such is our existence: lonesome, thankless, and eternal.
- [GRUNTS.]
- At least we have each other: the three godly amigos! Yep.
And we're leaving.
What? No! We are the three godly amigos.
You cannot leave.
Sorry, but we've got a lot of packing to do before we Leave this realm forever What do gods even pack? I did not realize you actually owned anything.
Eh, clouds mostly, various kinds.
Puss the Powerful, who is you, we have fulfilled our debt of gratitude.
You are powerful and wise beyond all knowing.
Our work here is done.
Farewell, my tiny friend.
We will never cross paths again.
Thank you for all you have done, my friends.
Good luck, yeah? All hail Puss! Hyah! Puss the Powerful coming through.
Make way! Yes.
Everyone, behold me! [PANTING.]
[BARKS.]
And that's how you act like a dog.
[PUSS LAUGHS.]
Yes.
Hello, my friends.
What is that you say? You wish for me to make an amazing demonstration of my power? Ha-ha! Huh? Huh? Huh? Yeah.
- [EAMES SHOUTS.]
- [SKELETONS RASP.]
- Checkmate.
- [MAN GRUMBLES.]
How about a leche -drinking race, my hat-wearing friend? - [SCREAMS.]
- Fine! Go! I care not.
- [GRUNTS.]
- [CUP SHATTERS.]
[SIGHS.]
[DULCINEA.]
You are being a jerk! [ECHOING.]
A jerk! A jerk! A jerk! - [RUMBLING.]
- [MOANS.]
Trouble strikes! Puss, away! Hat! [SAN LORENZANS SCREAMING.]
Okay.
I have this under control.
Behold, San Lorenzo! [SHOUTING.]
What the? [GRUNTING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Puss, this one's too powerful! - Get inside! - No! I can fix this.
[GRUNTING.]
You can't fix this.
Just stop! I will never stop.
Never! - [GRUNTING.]
- He's gonna kill himself.
I have to stop this.
[WHISTLES.]
We need to find Taranis and Toutatis.
[SPHINX.]
Whatever! Well, got all the clouds packed up.
Ready to go? - Yep.
The Cat in Shoes was right.
- [TOY SQUEAKS.]
We really do not own many things.
[TOUTATIS.]
You know, I'm gonna miss this place.
We had some good times, eh? Toutatis! Taranis! [GASPS.]
Mighty One! Do not hurt us! - [SIGHS.]
Stand up.
- Oh, oh.
It's Puss.
You have to take his powers away now.
Take his powers away? But once they are taken from him, they can never be returned.
This would be a grave insult to a god.
- He would lose his immortal - Zip it! If you don't take his powers right now, he's gonna die.
Look, we'd love to help, but Ah, ah, ah, ah! We will help! We will help! Ah! I thought so.
Now let's go.
[THUNDER BOOMS.]
Seriously? Ugh.
Huh? Oh [GRUNTS PLAYFULLY, MEOWS.]
[PUSS SHOUTING.]
Uh-oh.
Ha! Taranis has saved you, Puss the Power [GRUNTS.]
Sorry, mate.
Gotta take your powers away.
No! Have to stop the quakes.
Puss, they're too strong! Then I will die trying.
You were right, Dulcinea.
I was a stubborn fool.
But it is as you always say, "With great stubbornness comes great responsibility.
" I've literally never said that.
The point is, if redemption in the eyes of my friends costs me my life, then so be it.
For San Lorenzo! [GRUNTING.]
- See what I'm working with here? - Yep, he's lost his mind.
- On it.
- [KNUCKLES CRACK.]
[PUSS GRUNTS.]
No! [INHALING DEEPLY.]
[SCREAMS.]
What did you do? My powers! What are we supposed to do now? Not my problem, mate.
Toutatis, just do it.
Go talk to Brigantia.
[GROANS.]
Fine.
Here goes flippin' nothing.
[ELECTRIC GUITAR NOTE PLAYS.]
[TOUTATIS.]
Hey, Brigantia, love.
I've got a favor to ask.
[BRIGANTIA.]
Toutatis, how dare you come to my realm? [TOUTATIS.]
Still mad about that little thing? [BRIGANTIA.]
Turned me into a walnut tree! [TOUTATIS.]
What? It was a joke.
[BRIGANTIA.]
I'm allergic to walnuts! [TOUTATIS.]
That's why it's funny, right? They used to be a couple.
Oh, boy.
[BRIGANTIA.]
I'm a joke to you, right? Fine! [RUMBLING STOPS.]
[GRUNTS.]
You all owe me one, big-time.
Puss? Are you all right? You did this! You told them to come here and take my powers away! It was the only way.
You were never going to stop.
I had to save you.
[GROANS.]
You are You are right.
Thank you for everything.
In my efforts to keep you safe, I let my worst impulses take over.
This may come as a shock to you, but sometimes my ego gets in the way.
No! Really? Yes, it is Oh, sarcasm.
Right.
Toutatis, Taranis, I cannot thank you enough for your camaraderie and bravery.
Eh, don't mention it, mate.
Sorry about taking your powers away, but your friend's pretty scary when she's mad.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
- [SHOUTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GIGGLES.]
Sorry.
Couldn't help myself.
We have stopped the quakes for now, but they'll return.
The situation is worse than I thought, mate.
What are you saying? Even Brigantia herself has abandoned you.
Okay, so long.
Bye.
Farewell, Cat in Shoes! [ARTEPHIUS.]
Guys! Guys! Something weird's happening in the Treasure House.
This is weird weird.
Like talking animals weird! Back, misty villain! [BOTH GASP.]
Puss in Boots, I pray this message gets through to you.
The portal is unstable.
Your world and ours are moving closer together.
Soon, they will collide, and both of them will be utterly destroyed! I am taking my people to a place of safety, but you have less than a day before your entire world is obliterated in a terrible, fiery apocalypse! Anyway, good luck.
Nice knowing you.
Wait! - Hmm, anyone else hungry for pie? - [RUMBLING.]
- [WHIMPERS.]
- [PUSS.]
Dulcinea! [FAST, LIVELY FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING.]

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