The Awesomes (2013) s02e06 Episode Script

MadeMan

Trackstar, we're losing them.
MadeMan! So, MadeMan, how's Giavanna? She just made my favorite, tortelloni alla zucca.
Now it's gonna get cold.
My kneecap! Ha! Missed me.
What the? And that's when I said: "Never interrupt an Italian man during dinner.
" Whoa, Gadget Gal, I didn't know you were friends with MadeMan.
In the '70s, his gangster powers made him one of the coolest members of the Awesomes.
This is so cool! A real-life gangster legend is in my house.
Can I get a picture of me begging you not to kill me? Who is this guy? Hey, I was on the last level! "Who is this guy? " Good Lord.
You're in the presence of some of the most legendary superheroes of their time.
Co-Pilot, Jazz Guy, the Human Television - and Facebook.
- Facebook? Back in the '50s, I threw books in people's faces.
Great.
Can I have my Game Boy back? Sorry, I just lost it in the poker game.
This feels awesome This feels awesome Yeah, this feels awesome Now, this feels awesome This feels awesome This feels so awesome And do you think this has something to do with your relationship with your mother? Psychiatrists are all the same.
Depressed? Your momma didn't love you enough.
Can't quit smoking? Your momma yelled at you when you were 3.
Stressed at work? You want to kill your father, and sleep with your mother.
Well, you just told me about a dream where you mother was a giant pillow that tried to smother you.
Then you were at your mother's funeral, opened the coffin and it was you inside.
And then you killed your father and slept with your mother.
That dream could mean anything.
Look, I just came here to refill my Ambien prescription.
You said your mother always appears in your conjurings.
Do you make her a part of these conjurings by choice? Of course.
I'm always in control.
I'll conjure something without her right now.
You like elephants? Hi, baby.
Who is this lady? Come play "Chopsticks" with Momma.
You're so good at the high part.
Honey, do you mind if you All right, fine.
I can't do it.
And yeah, sometimes it does bother me.
I mean, it's embarrassing.
I conjure up a tank to run over a bad guy, and the tank tells me I need to wipe crumbs from my mouth.
On the other hand, I did have those crumbs on my mouth so I would have been embarrassed either way.
I guess maybe I'm a little closer to my momma than what's "healthy," but that's just the way it is.
She needs me.
I play a role in her life no one else could ever fill.
You made a lot of progress today, Impresario.
Thank you.
So can I get that Ambien? I'm just a therapist.
- I don't write prescriptions.
- Damn it! Oh, you're still playing that weird poker game? I thought old people were supposed to play bridge.
Bridge is for pussies.
And this isn't some nancy-boy poker game either.
I picked it up during a summer fling in '52 with a warlord in Ko Samui.
There's no cashing out.
You lose everything, or you keep going until there's nothing left.
If you watch, maybe you'll grow a sack by the time it's over.
So this guy, in the air vent, spying on us.
What's his deal? Oh, that's just Perfect Man.
We broke him out of prison - and he's hiding out here.
- No, I'm not.
Hey, relax, kid.
Everybody here has hid from Johnny Law at some point.
Your secret's safe.
If you ever want a more comfortable hiding place, you come and see me, okay? They'll try to load you up on french fries and chicken wings, but the trick is to wait it out until they bring the crabs.
My baby's so smart.
Always getting the best bang for his buck.
And you want to make sure they bring extra butter and lemons Mom? Momma? - Mom!? - Yeah,yeah.
Lemons and butter.
I heard you, baby.
Who is this enchanting creature? Annabelle Sullivan.
Uh, and this is my son, Austin.
Well, Annabelle, I couldn't help overhearing you're headed over to the Blue Pearl for all-you-can-eat crab night.
And the owner, Jimmy Caprici, happens to be a good friend of mine and I'd be happy to take you both as my guest, on the house.
That is, unless I would be intruding.
Oh.
Oh, no, you wouldn't be intruding at all.
We don't mind.
Do we, baby? Here, let me crack your crab, Momma.
This better not be the beginning of a falling-in-love montage.
Thank you so much for seeing me, MadeMan.
My good friend, Perfect Man, what can I do for you? I-I can't stay cooped up in this building any longer.
It's starting to make me crazy.
I see.
So you come to me to ask for a new identity? I know I've made mistakes in the past, but I want to change my ways, make a fresh start.
- I just want a simple life.
- As you may know, a Sicilian man can not refuse a request on the day of his daughter's sister-in-law's nephew's bar mitzvah.
- I did not know that.
- It's one of those new rules.
- They're always adding new ones.
- Things like that could be kind of annoying.
Hey, I'm gonna help you with your problem.
- Do you speak any Italian? - Una poquito.
Eh.
Good enough.
I know it's a big adjustment having another man in the house.
But baby, I'm happier than I've been in a long time.
I don't want him in my room, or in my house, eating all my Gushers and my Fruit by the Foot.
- Austin - Or my Fruit Roll-Ups! Tim, be a dear and go fetch a sixer from the upstairs fridge.
- And grab one for yourself.
- Um, I'm 11 years old.
So? When I was your age, I was working three jobs to support an Irish-Catholic family of 15 people.
Taking a long swig from the bottle at the end of the day might have been the only thing that kept me alive.
Actually, while moderate drinking I didn't ask for your life story, kid.
Just get the beers.
Oh, no! My baby better not be punching no ginkgo tree! I didn't give you that magic jewel just so you could throw tantrums in public.
It's not a magic jewel.
It's just one of your stupid earrings and you tricked me into thinking it was magic.
I had my powers all along.
You better watch the way you talk to your mother.
I don't need your stupid magic jewel and I don't need you, Momma! Momma? She's gone I'm free! Yeah! You must be very happy.
This is what you wanted, right? It is pretty great.
Although, I kind of miss her.
I haven't talked to Momma in almost three days.
Listen, you're coming to terms with your own independence.
My whole life she was there for me.
Me and Momma, the dream team.
Without her around, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
Didn't you have any hobbies as a boy? Sports you played? Oh, no, Momma said sports were a first class ticket to life in a wheelchair.
- Video games? - Momma said games were just a slippery slope to sports.
- Puzzles? - A hop and a skip to games.
And I was not allowed to hop or skip.
Okay.
What would you normally be doing tonight - if you were with your mother? - Probably watching the Real Housewives of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.
- And do you enjoy that program? - No, I don't.
But we always watch what Momma wants.
Well, what about you? What do you watch? I wanna watch Real Housewives of Wilmington, Delaware.
_ _ Whoa! I thought we were going out to dinner.
Why do you guys have bad suits and greasy, disgusting hair? MadeMan said he wants to take the team out to the opening of his new restaurant.
- Oh, I'll pass.
- Suit yourself.
More stuffed crust pizza for the rest of us.
This is a fancy restaurant.
They're not gonna have stuffed crust pizza.
Um, it's an "I-talian" restaurant.
I think it'd be pretty embarrassing if they didn't.
I'm gonna order gabagool.
So I can find out what it is.
Did you hear they're renovating the Susquehanna Art Museum? No.
But did you know they're putting a Wegmans on 2nd Street? Did you hear they put a Wawa in the Concord Mall? No.
But did you see the new Grotto's across from the Charcoal Pit? Oh, come on, Audrey! That Grotto's been there like three weeks! Can you believe this woman? Visitor alert.
Main entrance.
Visitor alert.
Main entrance.
Hey, hey, hey, how's it going? How's it going? Oh, um, fine.
Long day.
Yeah! Tell me about it.
Hey.
I was just watching some TV, got an empty space on - the couch if you want it.
- I really gotta finish my route.
What?! So I look at him, and I says, "That's too bad about the girl, but at least you got those free shoes!" Hey! Can we get some Domino's Dots over here? Hm.
Hello, handsome.
I don't suppose you want to play? I mean, it can't be possible.
Nice serve.
One-nothing, you.
Oh-ho-ho, yes! This is very much what I want to do.
Whoa! Great move, bud! What do you want to do next? Food's here.
Take over for me.
So I look at him and I says, "That's too bad about the girl, but at least you got those free shoes!" Do not! That's the same story MadeMan told.
- You calling me a liar? - What are ya gonna do about it? Hey, y'all.
What's going on over there? I'm just gonna come out and say it.
Those six black guys all look like Impresario.
- Muscleman! - So racist.
_ _ _ _ _ _ - Oh! Oh, no! - Ow! - So how's work? - Not too bad.
You? Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
- Joseph Gordon-Levitt? - No.
Joseph, Jesus' dad.
That makes more sense.
Ah! Those things have Impresario! Guys, I'm fine.
In fact, I've never been better in my life.
For the first time, I'm doing everything that I want to do.
- Impresario - Prock, you need to relax.
I don't think this is a good idea.
Mm, mm.
Put it on my tab.
Guys, this party is dying.
Let's get out of here.
Sorry, it's one coupon per customer.
Uh, hey, Prock, I think we might have a problem.
Damn right we have a problem.
First things first.
Impresario, can you will them to disappear? I don't know.
The ones I created, maybe, but the other ones, I can try.
Anyone want to hit up a sample sale? - Yes, but I probably shouldn't.
- I thought this might be the case.
Your powers can't cause direct harm to yourself.
And since the conjurings basically are you, you can't destroy them either.
- So we're screwed.
- Um, not quite? I've isolated the weaknesses of every team member, and designed plans for defeating each of you in the event such action was ever necessary.
- You planned ways to kill us? - That's all kinds of effed up.
- I want to see mine! - No, don't! Fly paper.
So I couldn't run away.
That's a smart and humane way - Wow.
- Why'd you have to burn off my wiener? Uh, that's one's not done yet.
If I could direct your attention to the subject at hand.
I developed an anti-matter beam that can destroy the makeup of Impresario's light conjurings.
I outfitted the beam to weapons we're all trained to use.
So if these guys won't go quietly, perhaps they just need a little persuasion.
- Cool! - All right.
Can we maybe try to take a little less pleasure in murdering what is basically me? Whoo, yeah! Sorry.
Prock, I cannot allow this.
These aren't villains, they're just regular, if somewhat stylish, people.
You can't gun them down in the streets.
Impresario, you have to understand.
These aren't human beings.
They're figments of your imagination.
- We're not killing anyone.
- Just the same, if you guys don't mind, I'm gonna hang back at HQ.
I don't think I'm prepared to deal with the psychological effects of murdering myself - a thousand times over.
- We'll take care of it, buddy.
Whoo, what is this? A tea Okay, listen up.
These are our streets and these cock-a-roaches think they can come in and take over.
Well, it's time we made them an offer they can't refuse.
Because you don't bring a knife to a gun fight, and you don't bring a gun to a knife fight.
No time for a speech! You're mixing genres.
Ha-ha! Hiyah, hiyah! Hey! Austin, baby, you home? - Momma brought Fruit Socks.
- Listen, I understand, but the kid has to grow up at some point.
It's so important that the men in my life get along.
I can't bear the thought that my baby thinks I abandoned him.
- We'll straighten everything out.
- They're not here.
That's fine.
We can wait.
They're replicating faster than we can destroy them.
Looks like it's over, you guys.
Nice knowing you.
Ugh.
Tell Prock he's been a great friend, - and I love him like a brother.
- He's right there.
- You tell him.
- We're not on speaking terms.
I did not steal that story from MadeMan, and I am not a stunad! Oh, give me love! Oh, God! Oh, yeah, woof, woof.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, mm.
Mm-hmm, come on with it.
Mm! - Is that MadeMan? - And Impresario's mom! Gross! Well, I'm glad it's all over.
But I'm sure this isn't how you wanted it to happen.
No, it's okay.
In a weird way, I think it gave me some much needed perspective.
Momma, I'm sorry I was being so selfish.
Hanging out with a bunch of my selves made me realize I'm great, but a real relationship has to be with someone different from you.
Which means you might not be able to understand all their decisions, but you respect their choices anyway.
MadeMan's a good guy, and I'm glad you have a each other.
Oh, come here, baby.
- I'm sorry I smashed your magic jewel.
- That's okay, baby.
You know what the good thing about earrings is? - There's always two of them.
- Aww, thanks, Momma.
You done good, kid.
How do you feel? - Kind of like I aged 30 years overnight.
- That means you did it right.
Here, I won your game back for you.
Game? The only game I play now is the fleeting charade we call waking life.
Might have overcooked him a bit.
Perfect Man? What are you doing here? Not much.
Just macking on some Fruit Socks.
No, I mean what are you doing here as in, I thought you were living under an assumed name in Sicily.
Oh, yeah! It was great.
What's next on the list? - Never been to Costa Rica.
- No, there's no list.
Getting disappeared is a one-time thing.
Oh, that's a bummer.
Well, hey.
At least I got to bang an Italian chick, right? Karen something Karen Ah! That was it.
Great jug-inis.
So I guess I learned having more of me around isn't always a good thing.
Are you worried about something like this happening again? Not really, but I do know there's one other left still out there.
Though I intend to take care of that problem soon enough.
That's my baby, finishing what he started.
I think the two of us should have a little chat.
Giuseppe, are you ready? Uh, just uh give me about 45 minutes? How am I supposed to know that you're high If you won't let me touch you? How am I supposed to know that you're high If you won't even dance? How am I supposed to know that you're high If you won't even dance? Yeah, you won't even dance
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